0:34:50 > 0:34:57.
0:35:05 > 0:35:07Here at the Ministry Of Curious Stuff,
0:35:07 > 0:35:12we seek to answer any question you may ask.
0:35:12 > 0:35:14No question is too ridiculous.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17On-call are our highly curious researchers.
0:35:17 > 0:35:21Lovett, Wannamaker, Frazernagle, Tea Party,
0:35:21 > 0:35:24and, of course, Captain Length-Width.
0:35:24 > 0:35:30The Ministry is a thinking facility that helps us to find you an answer.
0:35:30 > 0:35:34The working day will commence in 10 seconds.
0:35:36 > 0:35:38Don't be late.
0:35:45 > 0:35:46Attention.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49Mr Reeves is entering the building.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54Welcome to the Ministry Of Curious Stuff.
0:35:54 > 0:35:59- Everybody!- Good morning, Mr Reeves. - Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:35:59 > 0:36:01Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:36:01 > 0:36:05- Oh, Captain Length-Width...- Yes? - ..could we have a quick rehearsal
0:36:05 > 0:36:07of our piece for Britain's Got Talent?
0:36:07 > 0:36:11- Of course!- Let's have a run through right now.- I've been practising.
0:36:11 > 0:36:14- Are you ready?- Yes, of course. I was born ready.
0:36:14 > 0:36:18Give me a bit of room. Thank you. A bit of space.
0:36:18 > 0:36:21- In which to work, of course. - Here we go. Are you ready?
0:36:21 > 0:36:22- Yes.- Two, three, four.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24STRAINED TRUMPET
0:36:25 > 0:36:28- It's not going to work. It's too small.- What?
0:36:28 > 0:36:30I asked for a six-foot horse.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33That's the only horse I could find with six feet.
0:36:33 > 0:36:36I meant six-feet high, not with six feet!
0:36:36 > 0:36:38It doesn't matter, I've read
0:36:38 > 0:36:41that Amanda Holden really goes for this sort of thing.
0:36:41 > 0:36:45- Horses with six feet?- That's right. - Let's give it a go. It might work.
0:36:45 > 0:36:49STRAINED TRUMPET
0:36:49 > 0:36:53I can't get on. It won't work. It won't happen. Just forget it.
0:36:55 > 0:36:59Ah, so, Mr Frazernagle, who's on the lines?
0:36:59 > 0:37:04- I've got caller waiting for you on line one.- Good.
0:37:04 > 0:37:08Hello, Vic Reeves at the Ministry Of Curious Stuff. How may I help?
0:37:08 > 0:37:10Hello, my question is -
0:37:10 > 0:37:14- can you regenerate like Doctor Who?- Very good question.
0:37:14 > 0:37:16Thank you. Goodbye.
0:37:16 > 0:37:20Caller wants to know, can you regenerate like Doctor Who?
0:37:20 > 0:37:24Which means, can you recreate a whole new body?
0:37:24 > 0:37:26And why would you want to do that?
0:37:26 > 0:37:28Perhaps you might want to have a phone call with yourself.
0:37:28 > 0:37:32- Or go to the pictures yourself? - Right a tandem yourself.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34- Sing a song with yourself. - Exactly. Now, then.
0:37:34 > 0:37:36This is a very good question
0:37:36 > 0:37:38and I've been doing some research on that.
0:37:38 > 0:37:42The man on the street tells me that, if you cut a worm in half,
0:37:42 > 0:37:47it will regenerate, survive, and become two separate worms.
0:37:47 > 0:37:51Now then, I've got two worms in here.
0:37:51 > 0:37:56This worm used to be called Steve Grundy.
0:37:56 > 0:37:59It's now Steve Grundy and Steve Grundy.
0:37:59 > 0:38:01So, that got me thinking.
0:38:01 > 0:38:07Would it be possible to apply the same kind of experiment to a human?
0:38:07 > 0:38:08We're not too different to worms.
0:38:08 > 0:38:12We both like Strictly Come Dancing, we both like burying ourselves
0:38:12 > 0:38:14and tunnelling around in the garden.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16So, having said that,
0:38:16 > 0:38:22my assistant has kindly volunteered to have himself cut in half.
0:38:22 > 0:38:28I shall now attempt to saw through Captain Length-Width.
0:38:28 > 0:38:33- Are you all right, sir?- Yes.- Good. Here I go with a real live saw.
0:38:36 > 0:38:42Here we go. Placing the saw twixt the two boxes.
0:38:42 > 0:38:46Sawing through Captain Length-Width. How are you feeling, sir?
0:38:46 > 0:38:50- Absolutely fine.- I'm sawing through you now. It's pretty tough.
0:38:50 > 0:38:53There's a lot of gristle.
0:38:53 > 0:38:57Getting through you there. There we are!
0:38:57 > 0:39:00I have successfully sawn Captain Length-Width in half.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03- How do you feel about that? - Pretty good.- Good. Excellent.
0:39:03 > 0:39:07Let's separate the boxes. And there we go.
0:39:11 > 0:39:14There we are. Sawn in half.
0:39:14 > 0:39:18Captain Length-Width, or, as he will now be known, Captain Width.
0:39:18 > 0:39:22Hah, hah, hah.
0:39:22 > 0:39:25Right. And now for part two of the experiment.
0:39:25 > 0:39:28Your legs should start growing back...now.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30DRUM ROLL
0:39:37 > 0:39:40Your legs should start growing back...now.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47And...now.
0:39:50 > 0:39:56- Right, I seem to have miscalculated. Anyway, moving on.- Wait. Mr Reeves,
0:39:56 > 0:39:58what about my legs?
0:39:58 > 0:40:01Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't think they're going to grow back.
0:40:01 > 0:40:05- Are you OK with that?- I'm fine, I just needed to know where I stand.
0:40:05 > 0:40:09Well, at the moment, nowhere. OK, let's move him back over there.
0:40:09 > 0:40:11Miss Wannamaker, do you have
0:40:11 > 0:40:14any glue that glues people who've been cut in half back together?
0:40:14 > 0:40:17There's no such stuff, Mr Reeves?
0:40:17 > 0:40:21- Are you sure?- Positive. - Mr Reeves?- Yeah?
0:40:21 > 0:40:24You will let me know when my legs grow back, won't you?
0:40:24 > 0:40:27- I promise you, you'll be the first to know.- Thanks, Vic.
0:40:27 > 0:40:30- You're a real friend. - It's all right.
0:40:30 > 0:40:34- Here, would you like a cracker? - Yes, please.- I'll put them there.
0:40:34 > 0:40:35Thanks, man.
0:40:38 > 0:40:39HE SIGHS
0:40:39 > 0:40:41A shame that didn't work.
0:40:41 > 0:40:46Anyway, we need to find out, can we regenerate like Doctor Who?
0:40:52 > 0:40:54Here's a curious fact, Mr Reeves.
0:40:54 > 0:40:59Did you know sharks are constantly regenerating their teeth?
0:40:59 > 0:41:03Yes, he's right, Mr Reeves. They can grow a whole new set in one week!
0:41:03 > 0:41:09- And they get through 20,000 teeth in a lifetime. Amazing!- 20,000? 20,000?
0:41:09 > 0:41:12That is amazing. Imagine what it'd be like on a human.
0:41:12 > 0:41:16Mr Reeves, there is something coming through X5, round there.
0:41:17 > 0:41:21Toothy gent loading in X5.
0:41:21 > 0:41:28Hello. Hello. And who are you?
0:41:28 > 0:41:30HE MUMBLES
0:41:30 > 0:41:31You're a Nigel Preston
0:41:31 > 0:41:35and you've got the ability to regenerate teeth like a shark.
0:41:35 > 0:41:38- HE MUMBLES - How's that working for you?
0:41:38 > 0:41:40HE MUMBLES
0:41:44 > 0:41:46Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:41:46 > 0:41:51That's very interesting. Thank you very much, Nigel Preston.
0:41:53 > 0:41:55HE MUMBLES
0:41:55 > 0:41:59No, they're broken at the moment, you'll have to use the ladies.
0:41:59 > 0:42:02- Don't forget to wash your hands. - HE MUMBLES
0:42:02 > 0:42:05What a marvellous chap. Nigel Preston.
0:42:05 > 0:42:09- Well, what else do we know about regenerating like Doctor Who?- Oh!
0:42:09 > 0:42:12Mr Reeves, this one is interesting.
0:42:12 > 0:42:16It says here, when lizards get attacked by a predator,
0:42:16 > 0:42:18they escape by making their own tail drop off.
0:42:18 > 0:42:21A new tail will regenerate and grow back
0:42:21 > 0:42:24but it's never as nice as the old tail.
0:42:24 > 0:42:26It has no pattern, for a start.
0:42:26 > 0:42:28I used to have a tail once and I really miss it.
0:42:28 > 0:42:30It got chopped off in a revolutionary incident.
0:42:30 > 0:42:32Anyway, what else have we got?
0:42:32 > 0:42:35A starfish can regrow missing legs,
0:42:35 > 0:42:41but much more amazingly, a starfish's leg can regrow a whole starfish.
0:42:41 > 0:42:45Captain Length-Width, I hope that doesn't happen to your legs.
0:42:45 > 0:42:48We don't want two Captain Length-Widths!
0:42:48 > 0:42:52No, because... # There's only one Captain Length-Width!
0:42:52 > 0:42:56BOTH: # There's only one Captain Length-Width
0:42:56 > 0:42:59# There's only one Captain Length-Width... #
0:42:59 > 0:43:01Thank you.
0:43:01 > 0:43:05Mr Reeves, if you think about it, humans do regenerate, don't they?
0:43:05 > 0:43:09- You graze yourself, get a scab and your skin heals.- That is right.
0:43:09 > 0:43:12It's funny you should say that. I've got a scab
0:43:12 > 0:43:15from an old bacon slicing incident
0:43:15 > 0:43:19and I've been regenerating it in the drawer here. Let's have a look.
0:43:19 > 0:43:24See how it's getting on. I call him Scabby Pete. Oh, hello, Scabby Pete.
0:43:24 > 0:43:29- Who's Daddy's favourite little scab?- Please, don't look at me.
0:43:29 > 0:43:32You're a lovely little scab, aren't you?
0:43:32 > 0:43:38- Ow! My eye, my one and only eye. - Come on, give Daddy a kiss.
0:43:38 > 0:43:44Stop it. Get off me, please! Oh, I'm drowning in your affection.
0:43:44 > 0:43:46Mmm...
0:43:46 > 0:43:50Tastes of...salt and sadness.
0:43:50 > 0:43:53Right, team, I think we're nearly there.
0:43:53 > 0:43:57We've heard about animals that can regenerate bits of themselves,
0:43:57 > 0:43:59but can we completely regenerate like Doctor Who?
0:43:59 > 0:44:04Wait, I think I've found it. You CAN, Mr Reeves,
0:44:04 > 0:44:07- if you're a jellyfish. - A jellyfish, you say?!
0:44:09 > 0:44:14Turritopsis Nutricula is known as the immortal jellyfish
0:44:14 > 0:44:17as it can potentially live for ever.
0:44:17 > 0:44:20It regenerates its cells so it can never die of old age,
0:44:20 > 0:44:25which you can see here as we've clearly speeded up time to show you.
0:44:25 > 0:44:29So, when it gets really old, it then becomes a baby again.
0:44:29 > 0:44:34Then it's old, it's a baby, old, baby.
0:44:34 > 0:44:38Old, baby. No, it's not an old baby, first it's old,
0:44:38 > 0:44:39and then it's a baby.
0:44:43 > 0:44:45Right, well, we got that cleared up.
0:44:45 > 0:44:49Humans can't regenerate like Doctor Who, but jellyfish can.
0:44:49 > 0:44:51An immortal jellyfish, if you will.
0:44:51 > 0:44:57Right, get those findings off ASAP, please, Miss Tea Garden.
0:44:57 > 0:45:00- Party.- Yes. - SHE SIGHS
0:45:00 > 0:45:05Attention. Attention. Flying Postal Services entering the Ministry.
0:45:06 > 0:45:11Please have your post prepared for the postal personnel upon arrival.
0:45:13 > 0:45:17Postal person descending. Postal person descending.
0:45:17 > 0:45:19Please stand back.
0:45:19 > 0:45:24Postal Service reaching its destination in three, two, one.
0:45:24 > 0:45:28"Rule Britannia" FANFARE PLAYS
0:45:32 > 0:45:35Postal services departing. Stand clear.
0:45:35 > 0:45:38Post will be delivered in approximately
0:45:38 > 0:45:41two minutes and 32 seconds.
0:45:44 > 0:45:48Thank you for using Flying Postal Services.
0:45:48 > 0:45:50Farewell, aerial courier!
0:45:50 > 0:45:53Farewell. Well done, team. Oh, Captain Length-Width!
0:45:53 > 0:45:55You've got your legs back.
0:45:55 > 0:45:58- How did that happen?! - Well, I just pushed
0:45:58 > 0:46:02really hard and out they popped like a pair of frankfurters out of a bun.
0:46:02 > 0:46:06Mmm, delicious. Mr Frazernagle, how are the lines looking?
0:46:06 > 0:46:12- Mr Reeves, the switchboard is in ABSOLUTE overload.- Yes.- I know.
0:46:12 > 0:46:16- I've got a caller waiting for you on line three.- Good.
0:46:16 > 0:46:19Hello, this is Vic Reeves at the Ministry Of Curious Stuff.
0:46:19 > 0:46:25- How may I be of assistance to you? - Hello, can I ask you a question?
0:46:25 > 0:46:27Which is the strangest language?
0:46:27 > 0:46:29Thank you. Goodbye.
0:46:31 > 0:46:37- Right, she wants to know what's the strangest language?- ALL: Oh!
0:46:37 > 0:46:39What is the strangest language?
0:46:39 > 0:46:42I believe it's the language of love.
0:46:44 > 0:46:49So sweet and also curious.
0:46:49 > 0:46:52Brace yourselves.
0:46:52 > 0:46:55Stations, everyone.
0:47:04 > 0:47:06This is Trevor and Barbara.
0:47:06 > 0:47:09They met at a gravel enthusiasts' exhibition
0:47:09 > 0:47:12and have fallen madly and deeply in love.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15They don't have to say anything to show their feelings,
0:47:15 > 0:47:19they can do it with their facial expressions alone.
0:47:19 > 0:47:23Barbara just said to Trevor, "I love your moustache."
0:47:23 > 0:47:27Trevor said, "I really love your moustache too."
0:47:28 > 0:47:33And, I must agree, Barbara has a wonderful moustache.
0:47:34 > 0:47:39So, there we are, then. The language of love.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42That is not a real language, Mr Reeves.
0:47:42 > 0:47:45All right, then, Clever Clogs, what have you lot got?
0:47:51 > 0:47:55Did you know, Mr Reeves, there is a whistling language?
0:47:55 > 0:47:59It was used by shepherds in the French Pyrenees up until the 1900s.
0:47:59 > 0:48:02It says it was made up of lots of loud whistles,
0:48:02 > 0:48:04which could be heard from two miles away.
0:48:04 > 0:48:07Unfortunately, nobody speaks the language any more.
0:48:07 > 0:48:09Well, that's lucky, cos I can't whistle.
0:48:09 > 0:48:14But imagine what it would be like if everybody communicated by whistling.
0:48:22 > 0:48:27SHE WHISTLES SOFTLY AND TUNEFULLY
0:48:36 > 0:48:40HE BLOWS TUNELESSLY
0:48:42 > 0:48:45TUNEFUL WHISTLING
0:48:53 > 0:48:56HE WHISTLES
0:48:59 > 0:49:00Seven!
0:49:01 > 0:49:04Oh, it doesn't bear thinking about. Really!
0:49:04 > 0:49:07Come on, we need to answer the question.
0:49:07 > 0:49:10Well, Mr Reeves, there is the Piraha language.
0:49:10 > 0:49:14Some says the Piraha language is the strangest in the world.
0:49:14 > 0:49:16Really? Tell me more.
0:49:16 > 0:49:19I know about this one. This is rather curious.
0:49:19 > 0:49:22The words for "poo" and "eye" are the same.
0:49:22 > 0:49:24But to make it easier to tell the difference,
0:49:24 > 0:49:28they say it in either a high pitch or a low pitch.
0:49:28 > 0:49:30- It's called tonal language. - I'm with you.
0:49:30 > 0:49:35- So it would be something like... - LOW-PITCHED:- I need a poo
0:49:35 > 0:49:38- or... - HIGH-PITCHED:- I need a poo.
0:49:38 > 0:49:41- HIGH-PITCHED: So do I. - There's more!
0:49:41 > 0:49:43In the Piraha language,
0:49:43 > 0:49:46there are no numbers or colours and no concept of time.
0:49:46 > 0:49:48So it can get very confusing.
0:49:48 > 0:49:51Let's give them a ring and have a chat.
0:49:55 > 0:50:00Hello. Do you speak Piraha? ..Good.
0:50:00 > 0:50:03Come here at six o'clock, get the number eight bus.
0:50:03 > 0:50:07It's bright red. You can't miss it. Thank you, good day.
0:50:09 > 0:50:12I didn't understand a word of that.
0:50:12 > 0:50:16So, anything else to do with strange languages?
0:50:16 > 0:50:20Well, Mr Reeves, there is a strange language in ancient Mexico,
0:50:20 > 0:50:24called Zoque - a specific local dialect is extra rare.
0:50:24 > 0:50:27There are only two elderly Mexican gentlemen
0:50:27 > 0:50:29who still speak the language,
0:50:29 > 0:50:31but they don't speak to each other,
0:50:31 > 0:50:35- so no-one speaks the language, really.- Why don't they speak?
0:50:35 > 0:50:37Apparently, they just don't have anything in common.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39Shall we meet them?
0:50:39 > 0:50:43- Two elderly men in C12, Mr Reeves, up there.- Oh good!
0:50:45 > 0:50:49Elderly Mexican chaps, loading in C12.
0:50:49 > 0:50:52Can you see them yet?
0:50:52 > 0:50:56- Yes, I've got them.- Where are they? - They're just there.
0:50:56 > 0:50:57Left a bit.
0:50:57 > 0:50:59Got it! I can see them.
0:50:59 > 0:51:03- Hello, Zoque shepherds! - Good start.- Thank you.
0:51:03 > 0:51:04How are you?
0:51:06 > 0:51:10- (Still good.) - How old is the Zoque language?
0:51:10 > 0:51:12< (Excellent question.)
0:51:12 > 0:51:16- Erm...what makes the Zoque language so special?- (Very good. Very good.
0:51:16 > 0:51:19(Do they have anything in common?)
0:51:19 > 0:51:22Have you got anything in common?
0:51:22 > 0:51:25Do you ever speak to each other?
0:51:25 > 0:51:29Zoque shepherds, thank you very much for a very enlightening interview.
0:51:29 > 0:51:34- I don't know why I bother sometimes. - You did very well.- I really don't.
0:51:34 > 0:51:36Waste of time.
0:51:36 > 0:51:38 I love you.
0:51:40 > 0:51:44Well, those two notwithstanding, we've gathered a lot of information,
0:51:44 > 0:51:47but are there any more strange languages?
0:51:47 > 0:51:51How about the Yanomami - a very curious South American tribe,
0:51:51 > 0:51:53who use trumping to greet each other?
0:51:53 > 0:51:55Really?!
0:51:57 > 0:52:00The South American jungle.
0:52:00 > 0:52:03We are about to witness a very unusual
0:52:03 > 0:52:07ancient greeting between two Yanomami tribesmen.
0:52:08 > 0:52:09HE TRUMPS
0:52:09 > 0:52:11HE TRUMPS IN REPLY
0:52:11 > 0:52:13You don't see THAT every day.
0:52:19 > 0:52:21You're 'aving a laugh, aren't you?
0:52:21 > 0:52:25People actually communicate with each other using the 'umble trump?
0:52:25 > 0:52:27I'll say! Parp!
0:52:29 > 0:52:32Well, it seems lots of people use weird languages to communicate,
0:52:32 > 0:52:36but it seems to me that the most peculiar is the trump.
0:52:36 > 0:52:40I think that Trumps it. THEY LAUGH LOUDLY
0:52:40 > 0:52:43THEY BLOW RASPBERRIES
0:52:43 > 0:52:46Get that information off as quickly as possible, please, Miss Teapot.
0:52:46 > 0:52:48Thank you.
0:52:48 > 0:52:49Party.
0:52:49 > 0:52:50Yes.
0:52:50 > 0:52:54- BUZZER - Flying postal services has arrived.
0:52:57 > 0:53:00Post prepared for postal personnel.
0:53:00 > 0:53:04Thank you for using Flying Postal Services.
0:53:04 > 0:53:07Your number one aerial courier.
0:53:07 > 0:53:10Goodbye, aerial postal character. Come on, people,
0:53:10 > 0:53:15no time to hang around - relaxing is for couch tomatoes!
0:53:15 > 0:53:19- Potatoes!- No, thank you, I'm busy. Now then, let's have a call.
0:53:19 > 0:53:24- I have a call for you on line four. - Good!
0:53:24 > 0:53:28Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff,
0:53:28 > 0:53:30how might I help you?
0:53:30 > 0:53:33Hey, I have a question.
0:53:33 > 0:53:35Do aliens live amongst us?
0:53:35 > 0:53:40Thank you so much for your enquiry. Very good question, goodbye.
0:53:40 > 0:53:44She wants to know, do aliens live amongst us?
0:53:44 > 0:53:48If aliens DID live amongst us, how would we recognise them,
0:53:48 > 0:53:50what would their eyes look like?
0:53:50 > 0:53:53Little! And beady! A bit scary!
0:53:53 > 0:53:56Very good. All I need to do is put all the information
0:53:56 > 0:54:00into this wonderful machine here, what's this, I hear you asking?
0:54:00 > 0:54:05This is the Vic Reeves Alien Face Identification Unit Computer.
0:54:05 > 0:54:07Or for short, VRAFIUC.
0:54:07 > 0:54:10Thank you very much. What would the hair look like?
0:54:10 > 0:54:14Dreadful, like it hadn't been washed in ages!
0:54:14 > 0:54:17- Or they washed it in cheese. - OK, put that information in.
0:54:17 > 0:54:19What would the nose look like?
0:54:19 > 0:54:23Horrible, like a pig's oinking snout!
0:54:23 > 0:54:24Very good.
0:54:24 > 0:54:27And now I simply press this button
0:54:27 > 0:54:30and the image should come flying out the other side.
0:54:30 > 0:54:34Let's find out.
0:54:34 > 0:54:36HE MAKES WHIRRING NOISES
0:54:37 > 0:54:39Ah. Yes.
0:54:39 > 0:54:41As I suspected.
0:54:41 > 0:54:45Conclusive proof that I, Vic Reeves, am an alien.
0:54:47 > 0:54:52Yes, it's been staring me in the face for some time now,
0:54:52 > 0:54:55and, I must admit, I have been acting rather suspiciously.
0:54:55 > 0:55:00I detect codswallop, Mr Reeves, you're not an alien!
0:55:00 > 0:55:05All right, I'm not an alien, but I could be if I wanted to!
0:55:05 > 0:55:07Right, come on, we need to answer the question.
0:55:07 > 0:55:09Are there aliens amongst us?
0:55:09 > 0:55:14I don't know about that but I do know about this.
0:55:14 > 0:55:17There have been some very curious UFO sightings over the years,
0:55:17 > 0:55:20even famous explorer Christopher Columbus
0:55:20 > 0:55:25claimed he saw a UFO in 1492, and he wrote about it.
0:55:25 > 0:55:28He said, "A light glimmering at a great distance,
0:55:28 > 0:55:31"it vanished and reappeared several times during the night
0:55:31 > 0:55:33"in sudden and passing gleams."
0:55:33 > 0:55:34Bonkers!
0:55:34 > 0:55:37Rumblings in H28, Mr Reeves!
0:55:40 > 0:55:43Famous explorer loading in H28.
0:55:44 > 0:55:46Ah!
0:55:46 > 0:55:48- Look, a UFO!- That's the moon, sir.
0:55:48 > 0:55:52- Look, there's another one! - That's a seagull, sir.
0:55:52 > 0:55:56- There's another one!- That's the sea. - Another one!- Sea again.
0:55:56 > 0:55:57- Another one!- The sky.
0:55:57 > 0:56:00- Another one!- That's me. - Another one!- That's you.
0:56:00 > 0:56:02- Another one!- That's your hand.
0:56:02 > 0:56:04- Another one!- The sea again.
0:56:04 > 0:56:06There's another one!
0:56:06 > 0:56:08Yes, that's a UFO. Well done. Well spotted.
0:56:08 > 0:56:10- There's another one!- No!
0:56:10 > 0:56:14I'm not sure what to make of that, do aliens exist? Give me more.
0:56:14 > 0:56:17How about this curious fact?
0:56:17 > 0:56:20There is a place in America called Area 51,
0:56:20 > 0:56:23and loads of people think it's a top-secret airbase
0:56:23 > 0:56:29for aliens. And one ex-employee at Area 51 claims to have worked there
0:56:29 > 0:56:32side-by-side with an alien named J-Rod,
0:56:32 > 0:56:35but nobody knows if it's true or not.
0:56:35 > 0:56:38Well, I don't get think it's true either. But you know what?
0:56:38 > 0:56:41I'm sure I got an alien for me birthday one time.
0:56:41 > 0:56:44- No, you didn't.- What was it, then?
0:56:44 > 0:56:47- It was a potato.- Potato, yeah!
0:56:47 > 0:56:49# I say potato
0:56:49 > 0:56:51# And I say potato
0:56:51 > 0:56:52# I say tomato
0:56:52 > 0:56:53# And I say tomato
0:56:53 > 0:56:57# We both say things the same way
0:56:57 > 0:56:59# They both say things the same way. #
0:56:59 > 0:57:01- That's right. - PARP!
0:57:02 > 0:57:05So, let's have a look in one of these drawers,
0:57:05 > 0:57:10because I am convinced that I have an alien in here somewhere.
0:57:10 > 0:57:12Not in there, no.
0:57:13 > 0:57:17- Ah.- Hi! - Yeah, hi, got a lot of As in here!
0:57:17 > 0:57:21An anchor, asparagus, apples, a monkey - that shouldn't be in there!
0:57:21 > 0:57:25- I think you'll find that's an Arctic monkey.- What a fool I've been!
0:57:25 > 0:57:28- So you must be an alien. - No, I'm an Alan.
0:57:28 > 0:57:32- Alan the alien. - No, just an Alan, as in the name.
0:57:32 > 0:57:36- Yeah, OK.- I'm just glad Andy moved out.- I bet you are.- Mmm!
0:57:36 > 0:57:40- Can I go now? - Yeah, you can go.- Thanks.
0:57:41 > 0:57:45Now I remember, for me birthday, I got some potatoes, and an Alan.
0:57:45 > 0:57:49- Right, Mr Reeves, shall we get back to business?- Yes.
0:57:49 > 0:57:52Ooh, I think I found something!
0:57:53 > 0:57:58Ancient cave paintings as old as 10,000 years BC
0:57:58 > 0:58:01seem to show aliens on Earth.
0:58:01 > 0:58:05Some folk believe it could be cavemen were hanging out with aliens
0:58:05 > 0:58:06all those years ago.
0:58:07 > 0:58:09Of course, it could be
0:58:09 > 0:58:13they were just a bit rubbish at drawing people.
0:58:14 > 0:58:18Whatever the reason, one thing we know for sure
0:58:18 > 0:58:22is that doodling on any kind of public property, cave or other,
0:58:22 > 0:58:25is graffiti, and graffiti is a crime.
0:58:33 > 0:58:36Well, that's all very well, but I need cold, hard proof.
0:58:36 > 0:58:41Well, Mr Reeves, if it's proof that you want, a video was once made
0:58:41 > 0:58:45supposedly showing the dissection of an alien that had landed on Earth.
0:58:45 > 0:58:50It was in Roswell in America in 1947, and it was very famous.
0:58:50 > 0:58:53I know, I'm watching it now. It's horrible.
0:58:53 > 0:58:54Ugh!
0:58:54 > 0:58:58Look at those flailing arms and all that sweat!
0:58:58 > 0:59:00- Let me have a look.- Horrible!
0:59:02 > 0:59:06Wait a minute. No! That's my wedding video!
0:59:06 > 0:59:08There was an alien at your wedding?
0:59:08 > 0:59:10No, that's my wife! Constance Length-Width!
0:59:10 > 0:59:12Ho ho! You should take her to the doctors.
0:59:12 > 0:59:14Look at the size of that head!
0:59:14 > 0:59:17- Now, you look here! - No, you look here!
0:59:17 > 0:59:20- You look here!- Now you look here!
0:59:20 > 0:59:23- Look here!- You look here! - You look here!
0:59:23 > 0:59:27- You look here!- You look here! - Now you look here!
0:59:27 > 0:59:29You're right, she's awful! She's awful!
0:59:29 > 0:59:33- How could you have let me marry her? - I don't know, and she's my sister!
0:59:33 > 0:59:37Mr Reeves, please can you concentrate?
0:59:37 > 0:59:40Actually, the real Roswell video turned out to be a fake,
0:59:40 > 0:59:42it was all just one big prank.
0:59:42 > 0:59:46- OK, so what have we proved? - Absolutely nothing.
0:59:46 > 0:59:50There continue to be lots of unexplainable UFO sightings,
0:59:50 > 0:59:54but there's no actual proof that aliens exist.
0:59:54 > 0:59:59OK, we can let you know that there is no proof that aliens exist.
0:59:59 > 1:00:03Although keep 'em peeled, and keep watching the skies.
1:00:04 > 1:00:08Get that information off as soon as possible,
1:00:08 > 1:00:11- Miss Conservative Party. - Tea.- Yes, two sugars.
1:00:13 > 1:00:18Right, well, what a fantastically cracking busy day we've had,
1:00:18 > 1:00:21- been really busy, hasn't it? - Toot toot!- Toot toot indeed.
1:00:21 > 1:00:25Attention, Ministry. The working day is over.
1:00:25 > 1:00:28Reassessing curious stuff.
1:00:28 > 1:00:32We were asked, can we regenerate like Doctor Who?
1:00:32 > 1:00:33And we found out.
1:00:33 > 1:00:36Sharks never stop regenerating their teeth.
1:00:36 > 1:00:38Very interesting.
1:00:38 > 1:00:41Turritopsis nutricula is a jellyfish that can live for ever,
1:00:41 > 1:00:43and human skin can regenerate itself.
1:00:43 > 1:00:45Lovely little scab, aren't you!
1:00:45 > 1:00:50So, to answer the question, you can regenerate if you're a jellyfish.
1:00:50 > 1:00:53Next, what's the strangest language?
1:00:53 > 1:00:57In 19th-century France, there was a whistling language.
1:00:57 > 1:00:58Seven!
1:00:58 > 1:01:01The Piraha language has no words for time, colours or numbers.
1:01:01 > 1:01:03I didn't understand a word of that.
1:01:03 > 1:01:06The Yanomami tribe greet each other by trumping.
1:01:06 > 1:01:10The last two speakers of the Zoque dialect don't speak to each other.
1:01:10 > 1:01:13I don't know why I bother sometimes.
1:01:13 > 1:01:16So we think the strangest language is the language of the trump.
1:01:16 > 1:01:19Then we were asked, do aliens live amongst us?
1:01:19 > 1:01:22I, Vic Reeves, am an alien.
1:01:22 > 1:01:25Christopher Columbus saw a UFO in 1492.
1:01:25 > 1:01:27- Look, a UFO!- That's the moon.
1:01:27 > 1:01:30Cave paintings seemed to show aliens on Earth.
1:01:30 > 1:01:33The Roswell video appeared to show a real alien operation.
1:01:33 > 1:01:36Look at the size of that head!
1:01:36 > 1:01:38- But it turned out to be a fake. - That's my wedding video!
1:01:38 > 1:01:43So there doesn't seem to be any real evidence that aliens exist, sorry.
1:01:43 > 1:01:46And if aliens WERE amongst us,
1:01:46 > 1:01:50we'd probably have known about it by now.
1:01:50 > 1:01:53They don't call me "Eagle-eyed Vic Reeves" for nothing.
1:01:53 > 1:01:55Goodbye, everybody.
1:01:55 > 1:01:58Transportation ready for Mr Reeves.
1:01:58 > 1:01:59Bye, Mr Reeves.
1:01:59 > 1:02:01- Bye, Mr Reeves.- Bye, Mr Reeves.
1:02:01 > 1:02:03Bye, Mr Reeves.
1:02:03 > 1:02:05Stand back, everyone.
1:02:07 > 1:02:10I'm going home for me tea!
1:02:20 > 1:02:25Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
1:02:25 > 1:02:29E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk