0:00:02 > 0:00:03PHONE RINGS
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Here, at The Ministry Of Curious Stuff,
0:00:08 > 0:00:12we seek to answer any question you may ask.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14No question is too ridiculous.
0:00:14 > 0:00:18On-call are our highly curious researchers, Lovett,
0:00:18 > 0:00:24Wannamaker, Frazernagle, Teaparty and of course Captain Length-Width.
0:00:24 > 0:00:30The Ministry is a thinking facility that helps us to find you an answer.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34'The working day will commence in ten seconds.'
0:00:36 > 0:00:38'Don't be late.'
0:00:45 > 0:00:50'Attention. Mr Reeves is entering the building.'
0:00:50 > 0:00:54Welcome, to The Ministry Of Curious Stuff.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Morning, everybody.
0:00:56 > 0:01:01- Good morning, Mr Reeves. - Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04- What are you doing? - This is a pencil sharpener.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06But what are you doing with it?
0:01:06 > 0:01:10- I'm trying to sharpen my pencil so that I can write.- It's broken.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12I know but I'm trying to fix it.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16- How are you going to sharpen your pencils now?- Who knows.- Who knows.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- Who knows.- Who knows. - Who knows.- Who knows.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21I'll sharpen your nose in a minute if you're not careful.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25That's a very good idea. Give me that, give me that.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Oooh.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34There.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38How's that work for you?
0:01:39 > 0:01:45- It works a treat.- Good. Have those ledgers ready for me by noon.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Right.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51Let's get cracking with another magnificent
0:01:51 > 0:01:54- and mind-intriguing question. Mr Frazernagel?- Of course.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57I've got a caller with an excellent question
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- waiting for you on line one. - Excellent.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Hello, this is Vic Reeves at The Ministry Of Curious Stuff,
0:02:04 > 0:02:07how may I be of service?
0:02:07 > 0:02:12Hello, my name is Ishika. I'm just asking, do mermaids exist?
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Thank you, Ishika. Good morning.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- Do mermaids exist?- Ah.- Oh.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Captain, have you had any dealings with a mermaid?
0:02:21 > 0:02:24- Yes, I saw a mermaid once. - Where?- Fish and chip shop.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Serving or for sale?
0:02:25 > 0:02:29- Top half serving, bottom half for sale.- Entrepreneurism.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- Making the most of what she's got. - Very good.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34That's a very rare and exceptional question.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36What do we know about mermaids?
0:02:36 > 0:02:40Well, there have been some very curious sightings of mermaids.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44In 1493, the famous explorer Christopher Columbus
0:02:44 > 0:02:47reported seeing three mermaids off the ocean in Haiti.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51- Really?- Yes, he wrote about it in his diary.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53He said, "They came quite high out of the water
0:02:53 > 0:02:57"but they weren't as pretty as depicted for, somehow,
0:02:57 > 0:02:59"in the face, they look like men."
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Men! Look like men! Was he wearing his glasses?
0:03:02 > 0:03:06- He should have gone to spec savings. - I'll research that straightaway.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10Mr Reeves, Christopher Columbus coming through C12 up there.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Terrific.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17'Famous explorer loading in C12.'
0:03:19 > 0:03:23- Look, there's a mermaid. - That's a dugong, sir.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27- Look, there's another mermaid. - Also a dugong, sir.
0:03:28 > 0:03:34- Look, I've discovered America. - That's the Isle of Wight, sir.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- It's much smaller.- Oh.
0:03:36 > 0:03:42A dugong! Who or what is a dugong?
0:03:42 > 0:03:46It's m...merrr...merrrrma... Merrrma....
0:03:46 > 0:03:49- A what?- A merrr...
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Can you take this a little bit more seriously,
0:03:55 > 0:03:57- the pair of you, please. - Sorry.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Yes, Mr Reeves.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01It's not a mermaid, it's a curious sea creature
0:04:01 > 0:04:04- if you'd care to take a look.- Yes.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08That's right. I know about these. It's a sea manatee.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Because of their vaguely human faces, fish's tail
0:04:12 > 0:04:15and ability to rise from the water in a human-like fashion,
0:04:15 > 0:04:19dugongs are believed to have been the basis of many mermaid legends.
0:04:19 > 0:04:24- So, they're not mermaids, then?- No. - Are you sure?- Yup.- Right.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- We might have a problem. - What have you done?
0:04:26 > 0:04:28I've opened up a....
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- You've just opened up a what?- A...
0:04:31 > 0:04:36- You've done what?- I've opened up a mermaid dating agency.- What?- What?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39For lonely fisherman looking for love on the high seas.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Looking for a beautiful, single mermaid.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Yeah. It's lonely out there. You know what I mean?
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Hi, I'm Susan, I'm bubbly. Ha-ha-ha.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56I like swimming and fish dinners.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Hi, I'm Vivian and the best thing about me
0:04:59 > 0:05:03is that I don't smell as fishy as you'd think.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07I don't even know why I'm here. I mean, would you date this face?
0:05:09 > 0:05:13THEY ALL SHOUT
0:05:13 > 0:05:15No, no, no, belay there!
0:05:15 > 0:05:19Now, then, I'm very disappointed with you lot, I really am.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22I try to find you love and this is way you treat me.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Well, have your money back.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Here, scrabble for it, you marinal muppets.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31And you, you old whelk,
0:05:31 > 0:05:34- I expect you want your money back as well, do you?- No.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- We're getting married next Thursday.- Really?
0:05:37 > 0:05:42Yes, turns out I'd date this face.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Ah.
0:05:43 > 0:05:50- She's gorgeous.- She's nice. - She is beautiful.- Well done.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53You know what, that's so tender and wonderful,
0:05:53 > 0:05:55I can feel a song coming on.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02# In days of old
0:06:02 > 0:06:04# Sailors were told
0:06:04 > 0:06:10# That the dugong was a mermaid
0:06:10 > 0:06:13# But
0:06:13 > 0:06:15# She ain't no lady
0:06:15 > 0:06:17# She's a dugong
0:06:17 > 0:06:19# She's just a sea cow
0:06:19 > 0:06:21# Now, won't you sing along?
0:06:21 > 0:06:25# And go ding-dong, hu-hong ping-pong, Hong-Kong
0:06:25 > 0:06:27# Ding-a-long
0:06:27 > 0:06:29# Bing-bong, flip-flop
0:06:29 > 0:06:31# Hong Kong, ping-pong
0:06:31 > 0:06:33# Sing-a-song, ling-long
0:06:33 > 0:06:35# Big-bop, doo-bop
0:06:35 > 0:06:39# Dugong. #
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Bravo.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Well, at least there's one satisfied customer.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51So, let's get back to Ishika's question. Do mermaids exist?
0:06:51 > 0:06:54We know that dugongs are often mistaken for mermaids
0:06:54 > 0:06:56but what else have we got?
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Well, Mr Reeves, if mermaids did exist, they'd have to be able
0:07:04 > 0:07:08to breathe underwater or hold their breath for a long time.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10- True.- Here's a curious fact.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14Swiss freediver Peter Colat holds the Guinness World Record
0:07:14 > 0:07:17for the longest a human has ever held their breath.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21An amazing 19 minutes and 21 seconds. That's mermaid standards.
0:07:21 > 0:07:2519 minutes and 21 seconds, you say.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28That's quite some time, isn't it, Captain?
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- Do you think we can crack that record?- Absolutely.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33You're going to hold your breath for 20 minutes.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38Hold on. I've never held anything for 20 minutes. But I'll give it a go.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- What's the worst that could happen? - You could perish.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45I'm going to ring up my local pizza place
0:07:45 > 0:07:48which takes 20 minutes to deliver.
0:07:48 > 0:07:53So, you're going to hold your breath until the pizza arrives.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Hello, yes, I'd like the Vic Reeves special. That's right, extra fudge.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Thank you. Love you too, bye.
0:08:00 > 0:08:05- Right, OK, the goldfish bowl, are you ready?- Oh, yeah.- Here we go.
0:08:08 > 0:08:15You can communicate with me using the board and the pen, OK?
0:08:15 > 0:08:20T-H-A-N-K-S.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Tom Hanks?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27I haven't a clue what he's talking about.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29What facts have we got
0:08:29 > 0:08:31so we can crack this mermaid-esque question?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- I've got a fishy fact you, Mr Reeves.- Good.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37If mermaids did exist, they wouldn't like to use make-up
0:08:37 > 0:08:39cos lipstick contains fish scales.
0:08:39 > 0:08:44It's the ingredient that makes your lips look shiny and shimmery.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48I thought that tasted a bit fishy. It could do with a bit more vinegar.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Come on, let's have more mermaid facts!
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Well, this is very curious, Mr Reeves.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57I've got something here about the famous Fiji Mermaid.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02'The Fiji Mermaid was a common feature
0:09:02 > 0:09:05'of the 19th-century sideshows in America.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09'It was said to be the mummified body of a real mermaid.'
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Ooh.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Yeah. APPLAUSE
0:09:14 > 0:09:19'The mermaid had been acquired by famous circus promoter PT Barnum.'
0:09:19 > 0:09:22I'm here to see a man about a mermaid.
0:09:22 > 0:09:23'In Barnum's exhibition,
0:09:23 > 0:09:28'it was claimed the creature was caught in 1842 by Dr J Griffin.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35'Griffin was a fake. He was actually Barnum's close friend Levi Lyman.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38'And, in truth, the Fiji Mermaid was nothing
0:09:38 > 0:09:42'but the head of a baby monkey sewn onto the tail of a fish.'
0:09:42 > 0:09:43Perfect.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46MONKEY SQUEAKS
0:09:46 > 0:09:48'People believed Barnum's claim
0:09:48 > 0:09:52'and, for years, the Fiji mermaid was popular worldwide.'
0:09:54 > 0:09:56So, the Fiji Mermaid was a fake.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00I can't believe what a fool I've been in investing in such nonsense.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Although, if you're out fishing and you do catch one,
0:10:03 > 0:10:06please have it labelled, boxed and sent here
0:10:06 > 0:10:08to The Ministry Of Curious Stuff.
0:10:09 > 0:10:14- OK, let's get that information off, Miss Labour Party.- Tea.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18- Yes, please, ten sugars, thanks. - 'Attention. Attention.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23'Flying postal services entering the Ministry.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27'Please have your post prepared for the postal personnel upon arrival.
0:10:29 > 0:10:34'Postal person descending. Postal person descending.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36'Please stand back.
0:10:36 > 0:10:41'Postal service reaching its destination in three, two, one.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51'Postal services departing, stand clear.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53'Post will be delivered
0:10:53 > 0:10:56'in approximately two minutes and 32 seconds.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04'Thank you for using Flying postal services.'
0:11:04 > 0:11:08Fare thee well, thy winged messenger.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12- Captain Length-Width, are you all right in there?- Oh.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Are you a bit peckish? I have food.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16I have grapes.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18How about an orange?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Banana?
0:11:21 > 0:11:24That looks good. Can you eat them?
0:11:24 > 0:11:30- What's the matter with you in there? - I can't breathe.- You want beef?
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- I can't breathe.- You can have beef on your pizza when it turns up.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37- Thank you.- Right, can we have another question, please?
0:11:37 > 0:11:42Yes, I've got another question coming right through on line two.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46Hello, this is Vic Reeves at The Ministry Of Curious Stuff.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48How may I help you?
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Hello, my name's Molly. I have a question.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Can you be fined for trumping?
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Thank you, Molly. Good afternoon.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Molly wants to know, can one be fined for trumping?
0:12:01 > 0:12:05What an incredibly glorious and slightly odorous question.
0:12:05 > 0:12:11The question of the guff, the bottom burp, the trouser trumpet,
0:12:11 > 0:12:15the Sir Tommy Squeaker, the bark of the Brussels sprout,
0:12:15 > 0:12:18the quack of the bum duck, the roar of the egg monster,
0:12:18 > 0:12:21the scream of the underpants troll,
0:12:21 > 0:12:23the ghost of a future poo.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25PARP
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Just some of the terms used for letting one go.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31What do we know about getting fined for that?
0:12:31 > 0:12:34There's no better place to start than the late 1800s
0:12:34 > 0:12:37and the curious story of the trumping French entertainer,
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Le Petomane.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42That story sounds both incredible
0:12:42 > 0:12:43and curious.
0:12:45 > 0:12:46Brace yourselves.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Stations, everyone.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02'This is Le Petomane.
0:13:02 > 0:13:07'He was incredibly famous for playing an unconventional wind instrument.'
0:13:07 > 0:13:08PARP
0:13:08 > 0:13:14Not only am I musical but I can also do tricks. Regardez.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22'His special skill made him very famous and made him a lot of money.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24'Even the Prince of Wales loved him.'
0:13:24 > 0:13:29- I love that trumping Frenchman, I really do.- Not that Prince of Wales.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Oopsy, how embarrassing.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36APPLAUSE
0:13:37 > 0:13:41That Petomane chap sounds like a bit of genius. I'd like to meet him.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45We could make some sweet, botty music together.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49Well, it seems like something is brewing in B7.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53'Bottom musician loaded in B7.'
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Oh, oh, oh, oh.
0:13:58 > 0:14:03- Le Petomane, so pleased to meet you.- Meh.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05I'm a bit of a trumper myself.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09I don't like to blow my trumpet about it although I can.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12TRUMPET PLAYS
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Ha-ha-ha.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Ha! Don't ever compare your bottom to my bottom, monsieur.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20My derriere is a genius.
0:14:20 > 0:14:25Whereas your excuse for a pitiful bum-bum is a rotten, little amateur.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26PARP
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Don't listen to him, Jonathan.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32How dare you insult my botty in that fashion?
0:14:32 > 0:14:36Your bottom is a nobody, it wobbles like horrible, pink jelly.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41Whereas my bottom is a superstar. Isn't that right, Christopher?
0:14:41 > 0:14:42PARP PARP
0:14:44 > 0:14:46You have got yourself a pop-off.
0:14:46 > 0:14:51Ha! Well then, bring it on. My bottom fears no man.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- Hm-hm.- Hm-hm hm-hm.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- Ready?- Ready.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01PARP
0:15:09 > 0:15:11- Oh. - PARP
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Urgh.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15PARP
0:15:20 > 0:15:22PARP
0:15:25 > 0:15:27PARP
0:15:34 > 0:15:35# I came to win. #
0:15:35 > 0:15:36Ha-ha-ha.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40- Yes!- Well done, there, my son.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43# To thrive, I came to win. #
0:15:43 > 0:15:48- I take it all back, monsieur. You are a brilliant trumper.- Thank you.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52I am in awe, I could kiss your pert, little bum-bum.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Ha-ha. No, oi, oi, oi, whoa.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58- Maybe later on, OK? - Au revoir, my grunting brother.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02Au revoir, Le Petomane. And there he goes.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Turned out to be quite a nice fellow, after all.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Right, what other information have we got?
0:16:07 > 0:16:11Can someone be fined for unleashing a violent Barbara McFartland?
0:16:11 > 0:16:15I don't know about that yet, but I can tell you the story
0:16:15 > 0:16:18of the most embarrassing Barbara McFartland ever.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Good times.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25'Sir Edgar of Bognor.'
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Delighted to meet me.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31'When the Earl of Oxford met Queen Elizabeth I,
0:16:31 > 0:16:35'he had probably thought of something very charming and witty to say.'
0:16:35 > 0:16:39- Ma'am, I present to you the Earl of Oxford.- Delighted to meet...
0:16:39 > 0:16:41PARP
0:16:42 > 0:16:44'How embarrassing.'
0:16:44 > 0:16:47'The poor earl was so ashamed by the backside blunder
0:16:47 > 0:16:50'that he immediately left the country.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53'And refused to return for seven long years.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54'Until one day,
0:16:54 > 0:16:59'when he felt sure that his ill-timed trump had been forgotten.'
0:16:59 > 0:17:03My Lord, welcome home, it's been such a long time.
0:17:03 > 0:17:08And you needn't worry, I had forgot the fart.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16That was brilliant and highly embarrassing.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Although, the 3-D wasn't very good.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- That's because it wasn't in 3-D. - Well, that'll be why then.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27- Right, can you be fined for unleashing an air nut?- I've got it.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29The answer is yes.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32In 2009 in Austria, a man was fined 50 Euros
0:17:32 > 0:17:37for firing off an air nut in front of a policeman deliberately.
0:17:37 > 0:17:38Thank you, Mr Lovett.
0:17:38 > 0:17:44Yes, Hansi Sporer was charged with breaching anti-police abuse laws
0:17:44 > 0:17:47when he trumped in front of an officer
0:17:47 > 0:17:50as they chatted together at a rock concert.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57PARP
0:17:58 > 0:18:00How dare you trump before me?
0:18:00 > 0:18:03I'm sorry, I wasn't aware it was your turn.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09So, there you have it, you can be fined for trumping
0:18:09 > 0:18:14if you do it in front of a policeman at an Austrian rock concert.
0:18:14 > 0:18:19So, Miss Teaparty, could you get those findings off to Molly Fartwit.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Right away, Mr Reeves.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25'Flying postal services has arrived.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30'Post prepared for postal personnel.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33'Thank you for using flying postal services.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36'Your number one aerial courier.'
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Farewell, die fledermaus.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41DOORBELL RINGS
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- Oh.- What are you doing? - Pizza's arrived.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52- What?- Pizza's arrived.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Peter's alive. Praise be, yes!
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- Who's Peter?- Pizza's arrived.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Pictures of flies. What are you talking about?
0:19:00 > 0:19:03You're talking the language of the parsnip people.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07I think we've got time for one final question before the pizza arrives.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10One more question coming through, Mr Reeves. Line two.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Hello, this is Vic Reeves, here, at The Ministry Of Curious Stuff.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18How can I be of assistance?
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Hi, this is Oliver.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23My question is, can animals be secret agents?
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Ooh. Thank you, Oliver. Good evening.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Oliver wants to know, can animals be secret agents?
0:19:30 > 0:19:36- Length-Width, what do you think? - Can I come out now?- Hi, love you too.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Right, so, can animals be secret agents?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Lovett, what have we got on that?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Well, this is a curious fact.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48In the 1800s, a real-life monkey was tried as a spy.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50- An undercover ape.- Kind of.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54When a French ship was wrecked near Hartlepool in 1805,
0:19:54 > 0:19:58the local people thought the only survivor was a French spy
0:19:58 > 0:20:01as they'd never seen a real French person before.
0:20:01 > 0:20:07- But it turns out they were a little bit confused.- Hmm, confused.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09And curious.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Brace yourselves.
0:20:22 > 0:20:27- Oh, what a terrible accident. Is he alive?- I don't know.
0:20:27 > 0:20:33- I wonder where boat come from.- I don't know. Could be France.- France!
0:20:33 > 0:20:37- Ay, France.- Then that would make this fellow here
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- a Frenchman. - Ooh-ooh aah-aah-aah-aah.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44- He must be a French spy. - Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- Look at him, he just looks so, so...- French!
0:20:47 > 0:20:48French, exactly.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Aah-aah, aah-aah.
0:20:50 > 0:20:56A French spy. And that means we should sentence him to death.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00- What? I'm not French.- Oh.- Oh.
0:21:02 > 0:21:07Oh, that poor old monkey. He wasn't even a real spy.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Well, Mr Reeves, this is curious.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13In 2007, squirrels were found with listening devices.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15- Like an earpod?- iPod.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19iPod, you pod, we all pod. We're all the same. Get on with it.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22The squirrels were found with bugging equipment.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Iranian intelligence allegedly found a dozen of them
0:21:25 > 0:21:28by the Iranian border with listening devices.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32The authorities claimed they were spying for their enemies.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35That's a terrible idea, squirrels are rubbish spies.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38They might be all right getting in and out of crevices
0:21:38 > 0:21:40but their hearing's rubbish.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Mr Reeves, there's five squirrels coming through Z13.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49Excellent and perfect. Ideal for the purposes of my demonstration.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51You see this squirrel, here,
0:21:51 > 0:21:54if I gave that squirrel some top-secret information
0:21:54 > 0:21:57and passed it down the line to this squirrel here,
0:21:57 > 0:22:00by the time it got to this squirrel, it'd be nonsense.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Watch and learn.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07He's found the secret air base. Pass it on.
0:22:07 > 0:22:12THE SQUIRRELS WHISPER
0:22:13 > 0:22:18- Well?- He sat on Susan's hairpiece. - He sat on Susan's hairpiece.
0:22:18 > 0:22:23What did I tell you? Rubbish, absolute, undiluted rubbish!
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Can you answer the question properly
0:22:25 > 0:22:28because that was a dreadful experiment.
0:22:28 > 0:22:29I just don't like squirrels.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33They're always going in and out of my nut drawers,
0:22:33 > 0:22:34taking my nuts away.
0:22:34 > 0:22:39Now, I'm just going to take some of these secret files over here
0:22:39 > 0:22:44and put them next to this biscuit on my desk. Hmm.
0:22:44 > 0:22:49OK, Mr Lovett, any more information on top-secret animals?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Here's a very curious fact.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54In India, there have been many reports of gangs of monkeys
0:22:54 > 0:22:58breaking into government offices, including the president's.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00They've threatened government workers
0:23:00 > 0:23:03and stolen or destroyed top-secret files.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Some suspect they've been specially trained.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10That's ridiculous. That's one of the most ludicrous
0:23:10 > 0:23:13and preposterousness answers I've ever heard.
0:23:13 > 0:23:17Who's ever heard of a monkey creeping into someone's offices
0:23:17 > 0:23:20and stealing their equipment and files.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23I've never heard anything like it in my whole life.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27I really haven't. Now, where's that biscuit? It's gone.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Was there a biscuit there? Top-secret files?
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Did I put files...? I can't remember.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Maybe it was all one of those top-secret dreams
0:23:34 > 0:23:36that I occasionally have.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Anyway, what we do need to find out is the answer
0:23:39 > 0:23:40to Oliver's question.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Can an animal be a top-secret spy?
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Well, Mr Reeves, have you heard the story
0:23:45 > 0:23:47about Operation Acoustic Kitty?
0:23:52 > 0:23:55'Declassified documents have revealed
0:23:55 > 0:23:58'that during the 1960s, the CIA were handpicking cats
0:23:58 > 0:24:00'for a top-secret experiment.'
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Meow.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Meow?
0:24:05 > 0:24:09'America's Cold War with Russia was a busy time for top-secret spies.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12'America's CIA were surgically altering cats
0:24:12 > 0:24:15'to become sophisticated bugging devices.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19'They put batteries in the cat and wired him up.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24'Once released, this unique bugging device would send back
0:24:24 > 0:24:28'top-secret information to American agents.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30'But Kitty would get hungry.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33'So, they put another mechanism in the cat
0:24:33 > 0:24:36'to override the feeling of hunger.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40'After several operations, five years intensive training
0:24:40 > 0:24:44'and 15 million dollars spent, the bionic cat was ready.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47'The CIA drove the cat to a test area and released him.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51'The cat was struck by a taxi
0:24:51 > 0:24:52'and died.'
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Oh, what an unfortunate ending.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00I think we've discovered several examples of animals spies.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04- Could you get those findings to Oliver, Miss Teapot.- Party.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07No, I'm going directly home tonight, thanks for asking.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10- Will Tom Cruise be there? - No, he will not.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16'Attention, Ministry, the working day is over.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18'Re-assessing curious stuff.'
0:25:18 > 0:25:24Ishika wanted to know if mermaids existed. We found out.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28Christopher Columbus reported seeing three mermaids in 1493.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31- There's a mermaid. - That's a dugong, sir.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35It was probably a dugong as dugongs were often mistaken for mermaids.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39The longest a human has ever held their breath is 19 minutes
0:25:39 > 0:25:40and 21 seconds.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42I can't breathe.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46For years, the Fiji Mermaid skeleton was thought to be real
0:25:46 > 0:25:49but it was just a monkey's head on a fish's tail.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51To answer the question, sorry,
0:25:51 > 0:25:54we don't think mermaids really exist.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Next, Molly wanted to know, can you be fined for trumping?
0:25:57 > 0:26:01We met Le Petomane, a French master trumper from the 1800s.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Delighted to meet you.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06The Earl of Oxford trumped in front of Queen Elizabeth
0:26:06 > 0:26:08and so embarrassed he left the country.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10We did find an answer.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13In 2009, an Austrian man was fined 50 Euros
0:26:13 > 0:26:16for trumping in front of a policeman.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19So, yes, Molly, you can be fined for trumping.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22Finally, Oliver wanted to know, can animals be secret agents?
0:26:22 > 0:26:25We found out, in the 1800s, a monkey was tried
0:26:25 > 0:26:27and executed for being a spy.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29I'm not French.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31In 2007, on the Iranian border,
0:26:31 > 0:26:34spy squirrels were found with top-secret listening devices.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37And Operation Kitty involved training a cat as a spy.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39It didn't work.
0:26:39 > 0:26:44So, yes, Oliver, it seems that animals can indeed be secret agents.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47There's something I'm sure I've forgotten about.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Well, it'll come to me. Good night, everyone.
0:26:50 > 0:26:55- 'Transportation ready for Mr Reeves.' - Goodbye, Mr Reeves.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57- Goodbye, Mr Reeves.- Bye, Mr Reeves.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Stand back, everyone.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06I'm going home for my tea.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd