0:00:02 > 0:00:03PHONE RINGS
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff,
0:00:08 > 0:00:12we seek to answer any question you may ask.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14No question is too ridiculous.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17On call are our highly curious researchers,
0:00:17 > 0:00:21Lovett, Wannamaker, Frazernagle, Teaparty,
0:00:21 > 0:00:24and of course, Captain Length-Width.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27The Ministry is a thinking facility that helps us
0:00:27 > 0:00:30to find you an answer.
0:00:30 > 0:00:35'The working day will commence in ten seconds.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38'Don't be late.
0:00:45 > 0:00:50'Attention! Mr Reeves is entering the building.'
0:00:50 > 0:00:54Welcome to the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Morning, everybody!
0:00:56 > 0:00:59- Good morning, Mr Reeves. - Morning, Mr Reeves.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- Good morning, Mr Reeves.- Morning. - Length-Width.- Yes.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04- You look a little bit tired. - I'm exhausted.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Have you been up all night on the waltzers again?
0:01:07 > 0:01:10I went on the dodgems between rehearsals.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14- Good man.- Yes.- Shall we give it a go?- Let's.- Come on.- Here we go.
0:01:14 > 0:01:15Two, three, four!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17HARMONICA PLAYS
0:01:23 > 0:01:28Fantastic! We might be ready. I am perfect. You're a little bit rusty.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32- But I think we are ready for Britain's Got Talent.- I agree.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Because this is just the sort of thing that Amanda Holden
0:01:35 > 0:01:41- really goes for.- I know. Right. Frazernagle, anyone on the lines?
0:01:41 > 0:01:44I've got an absolutely brilliant question on line three.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45PHONE RINGS
0:01:45 > 0:01:50Hello? This is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52How may I be of guidance to you today?
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Hi, my name is Ingrid and my question is,
0:01:55 > 0:01:58can animals commit crimes?
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Thank you very much. Goodbye.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04They want to know, can animals commit crimes?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06And there is only one way to answer that
0:02:06 > 0:02:09and that is, Crime Watchers!
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Stand by, Crime Watchers.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12SIREN WAILS
0:02:17 > 0:02:21- NEW YORK ACCENT:- Good evening. I'm Detective Chief Inspector Vic Reeves
0:02:21 > 0:02:25of the Leeds London Lowestoft LA NYPD.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Crime Watchers, what have we got?
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Today's curious fact just in, Detective.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Police in London looking for suspects of a series
0:02:33 > 0:02:35of burglaries have evidence
0:02:35 > 0:02:38that the crimes were committed by a cheeky chimp.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40A cheeky chimp!
0:02:40 > 0:02:45Yes. Police did investigate but could not find any human fingerprints,
0:02:45 > 0:02:46only smudgy monkey-prints.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49It is thought that the monkey had been trained
0:02:49 > 0:02:50by a human accomplice.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54I have the officer-in-charge. G1, Mr Reeves.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59'British bobby loading in G1.'
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Good morning, commander.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06So, you suspect there is a monkey thief
0:03:06 > 0:03:09still on the loose somewhere out there?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Yes, Detective. But it's only a matter of time before we find him.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17- You'd have to be a right idiot not to spot a monkey thief!- Good man!
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- Good man, at ease.- Thank you, ma'am.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21MONKEY WHOOPS
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- Hey, geezer, want to buy a DVD player?- Not now, thank you.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29I am very busy, keeping my eyes peeled for a devious monkey thief.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- But thank you for asking, madam. - Fair enough, squire.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34What a doughnut!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36What a nice lady!
0:03:39 > 0:03:42And now, we go straight over to Detective Lovett
0:03:42 > 0:03:44for some breaking news.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Thank you, Mr Reeves. I have just discovered a curious fact.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50A cat called Louis was put under house arrest in 2006
0:03:50 > 0:03:54for various unprovoked attacks on his unsuspecting victims.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57The villainous kitty is now only allowed out in a cat-carrier.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- Thank goodness that cat isn't here! - I agree with you.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02HISSING
0:04:02 > 0:04:04MEOW!
0:04:06 > 0:04:08SMASH!
0:04:08 > 0:04:11I don't know about you, about this time of day,
0:04:11 > 0:04:12I like to brush my teeth.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Now, where is my lucky toothpaste?
0:04:14 > 0:04:20It is round here somewhere... OK, the lucky toothpaste has gone.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25Seal the doors! Somebody in here has taken my lucky toothpaste.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Was it you, Wannamaker? I got my eyes on you.
0:04:28 > 0:04:33Or was it Frazernagle? I know you have had your eye on it for weeks.
0:04:33 > 0:04:38- Maybe it was a polar bear, Mr Reeves.- A polar what?
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Get in there!
0:04:45 > 0:04:51- What are you in for? Cat-napping? - Attacking people, actually. You?
0:04:51 > 0:04:56- Stealing from humans. Want to buy a kettle?- No, thanks. What about him?
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- Stealing toothpaste. I wish he had got away with it, too.- Why?
0:04:59 > 0:05:01His breath stinks.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03POLAR BEAR SIGHS
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Ugh!
0:05:06 > 0:05:10A polar bear, well that's crazy.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Mr Reeves, I'm telling you, it's true.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Lovett's right, Mr Reeves.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18In 2001, a polar bear broke into a tourist camp in Norway
0:05:18 > 0:05:20and stole all the toothpaste.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23They go wild for the mint. It's a fact.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25How very strange.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Well, at least that solves the mystery of the missing toothpaste.
0:05:29 > 0:05:37Wannamaker, Frazernagle, I'm so sorry that I ever doubted you.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40OK, let's go back over to the incident desk where PC Lovett
0:05:40 > 0:05:45has more information on... animals behind bars.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49That's right, Mr Reeves. But it's not like you think. In some prisons,
0:05:49 > 0:05:52prisoners are allowed to keep pets for good behaviour.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Is that so?
0:05:54 > 0:05:59Inmate Craig "The Bonecrusher" Bennett in Y18 for you, Detective.
0:05:59 > 0:06:04'Prisoner with pet moving in Y18.'
0:06:04 > 0:06:10Ah, the notorious criminal, Craig "The Bonecrusher" Bennett.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12At last we meet.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Oh, please, drop the formalities, dear. You can just call me Craig.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18OK, is it true that, sometimes,
0:06:18 > 0:06:22inmates are allowed to keep pets in their cells?
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Oh, yeah, that's a fact, actually.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26I've got myself a new pet in this cell right now.
0:06:26 > 0:06:27ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
0:06:27 > 0:06:30- Well, I have been a good boy. - LOUD SLURPING
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Tony, what have I told you about drinking in the toilet?
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- Oh, here he is. - ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Hello, you! Right, he's quite brutish.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- Get off me.- Thank you.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44OK, so there we are.
0:06:44 > 0:06:49That's animals in prison, but those animals have not committed a crime.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53Do we have anything on a prison for animals?
0:06:53 > 0:06:55How about this, Mr Reeves?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57We've found a monkey jail in India
0:06:57 > 0:06:59where monkeys are imprisoned for bad behaviour.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03That's right, the monkeys are most often locked up for stealing,
0:07:03 > 0:07:06vandalism or just being little pests,
0:07:06 > 0:07:09but some have committed more dangerous crimes
0:07:09 > 0:07:12like attacking people or slapping students.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15A monkey prison, eh?
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Curious.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Brace yourselves.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20RUMBLING
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Stations, everyone!
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Oo-oo-oo-all right, son?
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Oo-oo-oo-all right, yeah, Ma.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Keeping my head down, staying out of trouble, you know.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45Oh, I er... I brought you a present, if you er...
0:07:45 > 0:07:46RATTLING
0:07:46 > 0:07:48..know what I mean? Wink!
0:07:48 > 0:07:52Yeah, cheers, Ma, that's, er... Just what I, erm...
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- RATTLING - ..wanted. Wink.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59I think I'll be taking a look at that.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01No!
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Oh, flippin' 'eck. We've been rumbled.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18Trying to break out, eh, McChimpus? You've had it this time.
0:08:18 > 0:08:23You're going to spend the rest of your life behind monkey bars.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25I told you to put it in a cage!
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Oh, shut up!
0:08:27 > 0:08:29You silly old bag!
0:08:29 > 0:08:32EASTENDERS THEME TUNE
0:08:36 > 0:08:39So there we are, I think we've got enough evidence now
0:08:39 > 0:08:42to prove that there are criminal animals.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45That's enough information, get them off as soon as possible.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Thank you, Miss Teaparty.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Right away, Mr Reeves.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51'Attention, attention,
0:08:51 > 0:08:56'Flying Postal Services entering the Ministry.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00'Please have your post prepared for the postal personnel upon arrival.
0:09:02 > 0:09:07'Postal person descending, postal person descending.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09'Please stand back.
0:09:09 > 0:09:14'Postal Service reaching its destination in three, two, one.'
0:09:14 > 0:09:18MUSIC: "Rule Britannia"
0:09:21 > 0:09:24'Postal Services departing, stand clear.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28'Post will be delivered in approximately two minutes
0:09:28 > 0:09:31'and 32 seconds.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38'Thank you for using Flying Postal Services.'
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Hover skywards, my kestrel of correspondence,
0:09:41 > 0:09:44away to eternity or another postal district.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48Anyway, Mr Frazernagle, anyone else on the lines?
0:09:48 > 0:09:51- Yeah, line three, I'll put them through now.- Good.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52PHONE RINGS
0:09:52 > 0:09:56- POSH ACCENT: - Hello, this is Vic Reeves at the Ministry of, er, Curious Stuff.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Can I be of assistance to you?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Hi, this is Nicolette.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02What's the point of eyebrows?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Thank you, Nicolette. Goodbye.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Nicolette wants to know, what's the point of eyebrows?
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Length-Width, you're a huge fan of eyebrows.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Yes, yes. And you're a fan of huge eyebrows.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17And we're both fans of huge tractors.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20That's right, but never get the pair confused.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Oh, no, because last week,
0:10:21 > 0:10:24I ended up ploughing my field with my eyebrow.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27ATONAL BLAST
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Anyway, we're here to talk about eyebrows.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32I'm hungry for knowledge and fact.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41What have we got, Miss Teaparty?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Well, Mr Reeves, this is a very curious fact for you.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48Did you know that Ancient Egyptians used to shave off their eyebrows
0:10:48 > 0:10:50- when their pet cats died? - Really?- Oh, yes.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54They would mourn the dead moggy until their eyebrows grew back.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57It was meant to be a sign of respect before the cats were mummified.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01It's true. Cats were sacred to the Egyptians and worshipped as gods,
0:11:01 > 0:11:05- so the death of a cat was very sad in Ancient Egypt.- Interesting.
0:11:05 > 0:11:10Ancient Egyptians coming through, E11, Mr Reeves.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13'Eyebrow-free Egyptians loading in E11.'
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- Oh, good. Come on and have a look. - I am going to have a look.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- Look, there! Don't be shy. - I'm not shy.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Hello. You must be a pair of Ancient Egyptians.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25Oh, dear. I see you've got both of your eyebrows shaved off.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Have you had a recent feline bereavement?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Correct. My cat, Gary Barlow,
0:11:30 > 0:11:35- he was recently run over by a chariot. - VIC WAILS
0:11:35 > 0:11:36Why?
0:11:36 > 0:11:39He was such a lovely little moggy.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- Would you like to see a photograph? - Yes!
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- Have you got a picture of him before he was run over?- No, sorry.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54- What about you? You only have one eyebrow.- I thought my cat was dead
0:11:54 > 0:11:57and started shaving them off. Then I realised he was just asleep.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59If you don't mind me saying,
0:11:59 > 0:12:02you're a very silly pair of Egyptians. Now clear off.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Get out. Go on. Get out!
0:12:05 > 0:12:06- Well handled.- Thank you.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09There we are. We've learned about shaved eyebrows
0:12:09 > 0:12:12but what's the point of eyebrows, Miss Teaparty?
0:12:12 > 0:12:16- Would you like to hear about the Mona Lisa's eyebrows?- Who wouldn't?
0:12:17 > 0:12:21The Mona Lisa has missing eyebrows,
0:12:21 > 0:12:24which is perhaps why her smile looks so strange.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27According to X-rays, she did once have brows
0:12:27 > 0:12:29but they just faded over time.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34MUSIC: "Spanish Flea" by Herb Alpert
0:12:37 > 0:12:39SHE HUMS ALONG
0:12:41 > 0:12:44SHE LAUGHS
0:12:45 > 0:12:46MUSIC STOPS
0:12:46 > 0:12:48SHE SIGHS
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Such beautiful eyebrows. Such a shame they had to fade.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Anyway, we want to know, what's the point of eyebrows?
0:12:59 > 0:13:03Mr Reeves, it says the proper name for a unibrow,
0:13:03 > 0:13:05one big eyebrow, is a synophrys.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Oh, quite. It says here,
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Victorians thought if you had a unibrow, you were a criminal.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14So if you had one of those, they'd think you were a criminal?
0:13:14 > 0:13:15That is...
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Oh! No!
0:13:17 > 0:13:19That means...
0:13:19 > 0:13:20And you!
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Lovett!
0:13:23 > 0:13:24And Frazernagle!
0:13:26 > 0:13:30The whole Ministry's been taken over by evil eyebrows!
0:13:30 > 0:13:32DASTARDLY MUSIC
0:13:34 > 0:13:36ATONAL BLAST
0:13:37 > 0:13:41I am Viscount Unibrow, from the Victorian times.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43As I suspected.
0:13:48 > 0:13:53# His eyebrows meet at the top of his nose
0:13:53 > 0:13:56# Like a battle to the death from a pair of crows
0:13:56 > 0:13:58# He's an animal
0:13:58 > 0:14:00# He's a criminal
0:14:00 > 0:14:04# He's a monster with no principle
0:14:04 > 0:14:08# Anyone can see that eyebrows meeting
0:14:08 > 0:14:12# Must be a sign of very poor eating
0:14:12 > 0:14:16# He's a minister of sinister
0:14:16 > 0:14:20# And his breath smells of vinegar
0:14:22 > 0:14:25# Unibrow, unibrow people
0:14:25 > 0:14:27# The embodiment of evil
0:14:27 > 0:14:30# Unibrow people are naughty boys
0:14:30 > 0:14:33# And therefore they must be destroyed. Oi! #
0:14:33 > 0:14:35THEY LAUGH EVILLY
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Wah! Don't hurt me!
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Well, no. It's me. It's me, look.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44- Oh! You had me going then.- Yes.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- Anyway, I think unibrows are charming things.- Really?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Agh! Don't hurt me!
0:14:50 > 0:14:53It's me, it's me, look. It's me.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56- Twice in one day!- Yes, record.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00So it seems that unibrow people aren't evil after all.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Or are they?
0:15:02 > 0:15:04DASTARDLY MUSIC
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Right, so we've learnt lots of eyebrow facts,
0:15:08 > 0:15:10but what are they actually for?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Well, Mr Reeves, I think I can answer this one.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16we have eyebrows for two reasons.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18One, to keep sweat out of our eyes.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21and the other, so we can read facial expressions.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23- Never!- Yes, it's true.
0:15:23 > 0:15:28Imagine how weird we'd look if we didn't, you know...have eyebrows.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Well, I shall now demonstrate
0:15:30 > 0:15:34how eyebrows help us read the expression upon a person's face.
0:15:34 > 0:15:39I've done this by shaving the head completely of a peasant.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45This is Margaret. She is furious
0:15:45 > 0:15:48that someone stole the forks from her cutlery drawer
0:15:48 > 0:15:49while she was out digging a hole.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52But you can't tell she's angry. No.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54There's no visual aid.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57She has no eyebrows. But with the help of this pen,
0:15:57 > 0:16:00I shall draw eyebrows upon Margaret's face!
0:16:02 > 0:16:04SQUEAKING
0:16:05 > 0:16:08There! Now we can see
0:16:08 > 0:16:11how really angry Margaret is over those missing forks.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14That's not why I was angry.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17I was angry because someone broke into my house
0:16:17 > 0:16:21in the middle of the night and shaved all me hair off!
0:16:22 > 0:16:25All right, thank you.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26OK, moving on.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29So, eyebrows.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Great for keeping sweat out of your eyes
0:16:31 > 0:16:34and perfect for reading people's facial expressions.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38Miss Teaparty, could you get those findings off to Nicolette
0:16:38 > 0:16:39as swift as the wind, please?
0:16:39 > 0:16:43- Right away, Mr Reeves.- Thank you.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47'Flying Postal Services has arrived.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51'Post prepared for postal personnel.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54'Thank you for using Flying Postal Services,
0:16:54 > 0:16:57'your number-one aerial courier.'
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Farewell, sweet avian courier.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06Mr Frazernagle, time for one final question. Anyone on the lines?
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Yes, there certainly is.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- I shall put you through.- Thank you.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12PHONE RINGS
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Hello, this is Vic Reeves at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17How may I be of service?
0:17:17 > 0:17:18Hello, this is Emilia.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21I just wanted to ask you a little question.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Are there fairies at the bottom of the garden?
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Nice one, Emilia. Thank you. Good day.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Emilia wants to know, are there fairies at the bottom of the garden?
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Hmm...
0:17:32 > 0:17:35I'm very interested in that question
0:17:35 > 0:17:37because I intend to catch a fairy
0:17:37 > 0:17:39with my fairy trap.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Now, through my extensive research,
0:17:43 > 0:17:48I have calculated that fairies very likely enjoy eating butter.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50They're also enticed by bells
0:17:50 > 0:17:52and four-leaf clovers.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55I've also placed here a TV Guide,
0:17:55 > 0:17:57which will entice the fairies
0:17:57 > 0:18:01by looking at some of their favourite television programmes
0:18:01 > 0:18:04and here is a camera, which will take a photo of the fairies
0:18:04 > 0:18:07once they've been enticed to the area.
0:18:07 > 0:18:13I shall be the first person ever to have photographed a fairy.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17- Well...not quite the first, Mr Reeves.- What?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Well, in 1917,
0:18:19 > 0:18:21two girls took some photographs
0:18:21 > 0:18:25of seemingly-real fairies at the bottom of the garden.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26Fascinating.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30And not only that...
0:18:30 > 0:18:32curious!
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Brace yourselves!
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Stations, everyone!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38RUMBLING
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- COCKNEY ACCENT:- Beautiful, lovely! To me! Gorgeous, hold it like that.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- COCKNEY: Hey, Frances, put the camera down for a minute.- What?
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Do you think people'll believe these is real fairies?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58'Course they will, you Muppet!
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Look, they got their wings, gossamer, everything.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04I know, but do you think people's going to think,
0:19:04 > 0:19:08"Oh, they's just like a couple of fairies they stuck on a photograph?"
0:19:08 > 0:19:11'Course they won't! Sometimes I think you think too much.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Well, I am a very cerebral person, you know that about me, Frances.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Whatever that means, I don't know
0:19:17 > 0:19:19but listen, no-one's ever seen a fairy before
0:19:19 > 0:19:23- so how will they know the difference?- OK, just take the photo.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27You're getting right in my grill, Frances, giving it all that.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31All your thinking's bringing me out in a sweat! I've got the pickles!
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Just take the photograph and we can go home.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35We can go home and watch Strictly.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39- Now shut up and hold them still. - Yes, I'm with it, Frances.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46What an intriguing pair!
0:19:46 > 0:19:50Actually, I'm not sure the girls were quite how you imagined them.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54- Really?- Here's a copy of the actual photo the girls took in 1917,
0:19:54 > 0:19:56if you'd care to take a look.
0:19:56 > 0:19:57Not really, but I suppose I will.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Well, a lot of people at the time thought the photos were genuine.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Even experts thought they were real fairies.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05What were they experts in,
0:20:05 > 0:20:08how to cut out drawings and photograph them?
0:20:08 > 0:20:10- Ha-ha!- Ha-ha!
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Nice one, Reeves.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Yes, very good, Mr Reeves.
0:20:14 > 0:20:19In 1986, which was 69 years after the photos were taken,
0:20:19 > 0:20:23one of the girls confessed that the photos were just paper cut-outs.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26As I suspected. So they weren't fairy photographers,
0:20:26 > 0:20:28just sweet little pretty liars.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31- Yes, it would seem that way, Mr Reeves.- I thought so.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I wonder if I've caught a fairy yet.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36- Length-Width, take a look.- Yes.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38- Anything?- Nothing.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41- NEW YORK ACCENT: - It's only a matter of time, and I got plenty.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44NEW YORK ACCENT: I ain't going no place fast.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45We have to answer the question.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Are there fairies at the bottom of the garden?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57How's this for a curious fact, Mr Reeves?
0:20:57 > 0:21:01Did you know that hobbits actually once existed?
0:21:01 > 0:21:05- Like Lord of the Rings? Little fellas, hairy feet?- It's true.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07We've heard of Homo sapiens, because that's us
0:21:07 > 0:21:09and we know Neanderthals because they're cavemen,
0:21:09 > 0:21:14but there was another species of human called Homo floresiensis.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17They were about one metre tall and had very tiny heads.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20I wouldn't mind interviewing one of them.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24Mr Reeves, something's rumbling in X5!
0:21:24 > 0:21:27'Small man landing in X5.'
0:21:27 > 0:21:28Ooh!
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Wow!
0:21:32 > 0:21:33It's a hobbit.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Sit down, sir.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39So, what do I call you? The Hobbit?
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Wee Bobby Hob-Nob? The Hobster?
0:21:41 > 0:21:42My name's Mike.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45OK, Mike, what's Gandalf really like?
0:21:45 > 0:21:47There's no such person as Gandalf.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Lord Of The Rings was just a film.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53I'm a Homo floriensis.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55What does Gandalf smell of?
0:21:55 > 0:21:58I imagine it's probably a combination of mint imperials,
0:21:58 > 0:22:01talcum powder and cabbage.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05I wouldn't know what he smells like! I'm not in Lord Of The Rings!
0:22:05 > 0:22:07I'm from the year 20,000 BC!
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Do you know what? I don't believe you're a hobbit.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14I believe you are a cheeky little imposter.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16How dare you!
0:22:16 > 0:22:19I've never been so insulted in my tiny little life.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22I come in here, you bang on about Lord Of The Rings,
0:22:22 > 0:22:26then you call me a liar. It's cos I'm little, isn't it?
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Well, I'm not taking this any longer.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Mike the hobbit.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Shut up!
0:22:37 > 0:22:41- Well, I think you rather wasted that opportunity.- You think?
0:22:41 > 0:22:45Yes, he was from 20,000 BC and you asked him if his name was Hob-Nob.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46You might have a point.
0:22:46 > 0:22:51Right, come on. We need to find out, do fairies exist?
0:22:51 > 0:22:54All we have at the moment is some cardboard cut-outs
0:22:54 > 0:22:55and a ropey old hobbit.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Well, here's something curious.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01A lot of people in Iceland believe that fairies really exist.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04- Do they?- They do, Mr Reeves. In fact, some roads in Iceland
0:23:04 > 0:23:07were specifically built so they don't interfere
0:23:07 > 0:23:11with the areas they believe elves or what they call "hidden people" live.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13If you thought fairies were everywhere,
0:23:13 > 0:23:15road construction would be a nightmare.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20- ICELANDIC ACCENT: - Be fair to fairies!
0:23:20 > 0:23:24Ja, hello, so, welcome to the site of the fairy protest
0:23:24 > 0:23:27against the construction of a huge, big road.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31- I have with me Ida Gemhoarder, the leader of the fairy protest.- Hello.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Hello, so, Ida. You're an actual fairy?
0:23:33 > 0:23:35- Ja.- Wow.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38So, why are you opposed to a motorway
0:23:38 > 0:23:42being built in this desolate, icy area where nothing can possibly live?
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Because, as most people in Iceland know,
0:23:44 > 0:23:48fairies live in a desolate, icy area where nothing can possibly live
0:23:48 > 0:23:51and this road is heading right for this dusty old rock
0:23:51 > 0:23:54and this rock is our home!
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Be fair to fairies! Be fair to fairies!
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Wow. This is so sad.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Back to you in the studio.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Ain't it marvellous?
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Still, there's no hard evidence that fairies exist.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11That's true, of course... Hang on a minute.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13There's something in the trap.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16It's that thieving Cockney monkey!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Ooh-ooh-oh, look at that bell. That looks expensive.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21I'll have that for myself.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25Oh! And this four-leaf clover, that'll be lucky. I'll have that.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Ooh! Here's some butter. I love butter.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Going to have myself a butter party later.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34Nice one. Ooh-ooh-ah-ah-hang on a minute! Look at that.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36It's a TV guide. Nice, I'll have that.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- Lucky!- No!
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Not the TV guide! No!
0:24:42 > 0:24:45- (SOBS)- My life is over!
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Still, there we are.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Conclusive proof that all fairies are monkeys.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52I detect codswallop, Mr Reeves.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55There's no proof that all fairies are monkeys.
0:24:55 > 0:25:00It was a stab in the dark. Now, we've done all the research.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Let's try and answer Emilia's question properly.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Although a lot of people believe in fairies, there's no evidence
0:25:06 > 0:25:10that anyone's ever caught one to prove that they exist.
0:25:10 > 0:25:14Get that information off to Emilia as quickly as you possibly can.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16- Right away, Mr Reeves.- Thank you.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Satisfied, Length-Width?
0:25:18 > 0:25:21On balance, yeah.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25'Attention, Ministry. The working day is over.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27'Reassessing curious stuff.'
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Ingrid asked, "Do animals commit crimes?"
0:25:29 > 0:25:32And we found out.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36A chimp was responsible for a series of burglaries in 2002.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Hey, geezer! Want to buy a DVD player?
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Louis the cat was arrested for a series of attacks in 2006.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45Polar bears break into campsites and steal toothpaste.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47They go wild for the mint.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51And some prisons' inmates can keep pets as reward for good behaviour.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Hello, right, he's quite brutish. Get off me!
0:25:54 > 0:25:57In India, there is a jail for naughty little monkeys.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01You're going to spend the rest of your life behind monkey bars.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05So, yes, Ingrid. Animals do commit crimes.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09Next, Nicolette asked, "What's the point of eyebrows?" We discovered...
0:26:09 > 0:26:13Ancient Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows when their cats died.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16- Have you had a recent feline bereavement?- Correct.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20X-rays show that the Mona Lisa painting used to have eyebrows.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24The Victorians thought that if you had a unibrow, you were a criminal.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Wah! Don't hurt me!
0:26:27 > 0:26:31But the answer is, eyebrows keep sweat out of your eyes, and help us
0:26:31 > 0:26:34with facial expressions. That's the point of eyebrows.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38And Emilia asked, "Are there fairies at the bottom of the garden?"
0:26:38 > 0:26:41In 1917, two young girls took photos of fairies.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Beautiful, lovely! To me, to me.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Turns out they were fake.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50- Hobbits really existed. - My name's Mike.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53They lived in 20,000 BC.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55It's cos I'm little, isn't it?
0:26:55 > 0:26:59In Iceland, roads are built to avoid where elves may live.
0:26:59 > 0:27:00Be fair to fairies!
0:27:00 > 0:27:02So, to answer the question,
0:27:02 > 0:27:05some people believe in fairies at the bottom of the garden
0:27:05 > 0:27:08but no-one has ever caught one. Sorry, Emilia.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Goodbye, everybody.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13'Transportation ready for Mr Reeves.'
0:27:13 > 0:27:15- Goodbye, Mr Reeves. - Goodbye, Mr Reeves.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18- Bye, Mr Reeves.- Bye, Mr Reeves.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Stand back, everyone.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23I'm going home for me tea!
0:27:50 > 0:27:54Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd