1:09:50 > 1:09:57.
1:10:00 > 1:10:02TELEPHONE RINGS
1:10:06 > 1:10:08Here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff,
1:10:08 > 1:10:12we seek to answer any question you may ask.
1:10:12 > 1:10:14No question is too ridiculous.
1:10:14 > 1:10:18On call - our highly curious researchers, Lovett,
1:10:18 > 1:10:24Wannamaker, Frazernagle, Tea Party, and of course, Captain Lengthwidth.
1:10:24 > 1:10:30The ministry is a thinking facility that helps us to find you an answer.
1:10:31 > 1:10:35- TANNOY:- The working day will commence in 10 seconds.
1:10:36 > 1:10:38Don't be late.
1:10:45 > 1:10:48Attention. Mr Reeves is entering the building.
1:10:50 > 1:10:53Welcome to the Ministry of Curious Stuff!
1:10:54 > 1:10:56Good morning!
1:10:56 > 1:10:59- Hello, Mr Reeves. - Good morning, Mr Reeves.
1:10:59 > 1:11:01Good morning, Mr Reeves.
1:11:01 > 1:11:05- Mr Reeves.- Yes!- Come here. I've got an idea for Britain's Got Talent.
1:11:05 > 1:11:08- Excellent, what?- Watch this.
1:11:10 > 1:11:12BIRD CHIRRUPS
1:11:12 > 1:11:16- What's that? Where's that coming from? Is that you?- Yes!
1:11:16 > 1:11:21- I'm making the noise with my mouth. - It's incredible.- Yes.- Do it again.
1:11:21 > 1:11:23BIRD CHIRRUPS
1:11:23 > 1:11:27- Wonderful. - It's easy, you have a go.- OK.
1:11:28 > 1:11:31HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
1:11:31 > 1:11:33Not quite as good as you, but not far off.
1:11:33 > 1:11:35CHIRRUPING
1:11:35 > 1:11:39It's beautiful! It's wonderful.
1:11:39 > 1:11:43- Hey, wait, hang on a minute. - No, no, no! No! No!
1:11:48 > 1:11:52You're just a fake. Just a bird-whistling fraud.
1:11:52 > 1:11:53And I hate you.
1:11:55 > 1:11:58That does seem like a bit of an over-reaction.
1:11:58 > 1:12:00Yeah, I'm really sorry.
1:12:00 > 1:12:02I didn't really mean it.
1:12:02 > 1:12:05Come on, these questions won't answer themselves.
1:12:05 > 1:12:09- Frazernagle, who's on the lines? - I've got a caller on line four.
1:12:09 > 1:12:12- I'll put you through!- Excellent.
1:12:12 > 1:12:13TELEPHONE RINGS
1:12:13 > 1:12:18Hello, this is Vic Reeves here, at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
1:12:18 > 1:12:19How may I be of assistance?
1:12:19 > 1:12:20Hi, this is Jack.
1:12:20 > 1:12:24My question is, who has the biggest tongue?
1:12:24 > 1:12:26Thank you, Jack.
1:12:26 > 1:12:29Very good question. Good day!
1:12:29 > 1:12:34Jack wants to know who's got the biggest tongue. A very good question.
1:12:34 > 1:12:37Lengthwidth, what do you know about big tongues?
1:12:37 > 1:12:41Well, I've got a regular size tongue, I think.
1:12:41 > 1:12:43- Shall we check it? - You can if you like.
1:12:43 > 1:12:46Let's have a look. Stick it out, kid.
1:12:46 > 1:12:48Yeah. That's good. Quite firm.
1:12:48 > 1:12:52STRETCHING, TEARING
1:12:52 > 1:12:55Aaargh!!!
1:12:56 > 1:12:58I'm so sorry.
1:12:59 > 1:13:03Right, settle down, everyone. Big tongues, what have we got?
1:13:10 > 1:13:11Did you know, Mr Reeves,
1:13:11 > 1:13:14there are some amazing tongues in the animal kingdom?
1:13:17 > 1:13:19Some animal tongues are well amazing.
1:13:19 > 1:13:23A giraffe uses its tongue to clean inside its ears.
1:13:23 > 1:13:26My car keys, I was looking for them!
1:13:26 > 1:13:29A giant anteater's tongue is two feet long.
1:13:31 > 1:13:33And a woodpecker's is so long,
1:13:33 > 1:13:38the only place it can store its tongue is wrapped around its brain.
1:13:39 > 1:13:44But, warning, never have them all in the same room at the same time.
1:13:44 > 1:13:46- It can get a bit messy.- Aaargh!
1:13:48 > 1:13:50Call an ambulance!
1:13:54 > 1:13:58So, a giraffe can clean its own ears with its tongue - incredible.
1:13:58 > 1:14:01But I can do that as well. I can clean my own ears with my tongue.
1:14:01 > 1:14:04- I can do that too.- No, you can't. - Yes, I can.- No, you can't.
1:14:04 > 1:14:06- Well, go on, then.- I will.
1:14:07 > 1:14:09Aaah! Get off.
1:14:09 > 1:14:11- What-what-what?- You fool.
1:14:11 > 1:14:13- But I liked it.- I know.
1:14:16 > 1:14:18So, lots of animals with big tongues,
1:14:18 > 1:14:22but one of them surely has got the biggest tongue.
1:14:22 > 1:14:26Actually, it's none of them. The blue whale has the biggest tongue.
1:14:26 > 1:14:29It's big enough for 50 people to stand on.
1:14:29 > 1:14:31Like a bus!
1:14:31 > 1:14:34But not a bus, a tongue!
1:14:34 > 1:14:36Amazing!
1:14:36 > 1:14:39And curious!
1:14:39 > 1:14:41Brace yourselves!
1:14:42 > 1:14:44Stations, everyone!
1:14:53 > 1:14:59Well, hello, my good friend, Andrew Baxter, the blue whale.
1:14:59 > 1:15:02Oh, stop it, Vic, you're tickling me!
1:15:02 > 1:15:05- Hello, Vic.- Hello, Andrew. What's all this I hear
1:15:05 > 1:15:09about you being able to put 50 people on your tongue?
1:15:09 > 1:15:13Yeah, that's right, Vic. Last week I had four football teams
1:15:13 > 1:15:18and Dermot O'Leary all having a party on my tongue.
1:15:18 > 1:15:20Having a party! Ha ha!
1:15:20 > 1:15:23Hang on a minute. By my calculations, that's 45!
1:15:23 > 1:15:26- You're five people too short. - Oh, yeah, but that's because...
1:15:26 > 1:15:28- Because what?- All right,
1:15:28 > 1:15:32Take That were there too, including Robbie.
1:15:32 > 1:15:34Take That?
1:15:34 > 1:15:39Yes, they were dancing too close to my larynx, and I swallowed them.
1:15:39 > 1:15:41No! You swallowed the popular music act Take That?
1:15:41 > 1:15:44Yes, I did. Have a listen.
1:15:44 > 1:15:48# Today this could be
1:15:48 > 1:15:52# The greatest day of our lives... #
1:15:54 > 1:15:55BELCH!
1:15:55 > 1:15:58Who'd have thought it? Popular music act Take That
1:15:58 > 1:16:03finish their days inside a blue whale. Ha-ha-ha!
1:16:03 > 1:16:06Oh, no, stop it! Oh, Vic!
1:16:07 > 1:16:10So, Mr Frazernagle, summarise!
1:16:10 > 1:16:14Right, well, to answer Jack's question, a blue whale has
1:16:14 > 1:16:18the biggest tongue, weighing in at a massive 2.7 metric tonnes.
1:16:18 > 1:16:232.7 metric tonnes! Incredible!
1:16:23 > 1:16:29Right, Miss Tea Towel, get that information off pronto. Thank you.
1:16:29 > 1:16:31- Party.- Not tonight!
1:16:33 > 1:16:34LOUDSPEAKER SYSTEM RINGS
1:16:34 > 1:16:39'Attention! Flying postal services entering the ministry.
1:16:39 > 1:16:44'Please have your post prepared for the postal personnel on arrival.
1:16:47 > 1:16:51'Postal person descending. Postal person descending.
1:16:51 > 1:16:53'Please stand back.
1:16:53 > 1:16:58'Postal service reaching its destination in three...two...one.'
1:17:00 > 1:17:02"RULE BRITANNIA" PLAYS
1:17:05 > 1:17:08'Postal services departing. Stand clear.
1:17:08 > 1:17:11'Post will be delivered
1:17:11 > 1:17:15'in approximately 2 minutes and 32 seconds.
1:17:18 > 1:17:22'Thank you for using Flying Postal Services.'
1:17:22 > 1:17:26Goodbye, sweet avian messenger
1:17:26 > 1:17:28Right, next question, please.
1:17:28 > 1:17:31- Of course, sir, I have a caller on line one.- Thank you.
1:17:31 > 1:17:33PHONE RINGS
1:17:33 > 1:17:38Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
1:17:38 > 1:17:40Who may I avail myself to?
1:17:40 > 1:17:46Hi, this is Maya. I'm just wondering why don't girls grow beards?
1:17:46 > 1:17:50Thank you, Maya, thank you very much indeed. Goodbye.
1:17:50 > 1:17:54Maya wants to know, why don't girls grow beards?
1:17:54 > 1:17:56- ALL:- Ooooh!- Yes.
1:17:56 > 1:17:58- Captain Lengthwidth.- Yes?
1:17:58 > 1:18:01What do you think about beards?
1:18:01 > 1:18:04- Ah, yes, great big hairy things, aren't they?- Yes.
1:18:04 > 1:18:09Hairy things. Come up behind you and give you a big hug.
1:18:09 > 1:18:13- No, no, no! Not BEARS. What do you think of beards.- Beards?
1:18:13 > 1:18:16- LIVERPUDLIAN ACCENT: - Oh, right.
1:18:16 > 1:18:19I like looking out the window in the morning,
1:18:19 > 1:18:22and staring at them mucking about in the bird bath.
1:18:22 > 1:18:24LIVERPUDLIAN ACCENT: I'm not talking about BIRDS!
1:18:24 > 1:18:27- What you talking about, then? - BEARDS!
1:18:27 > 1:18:29Beards, beards, beards!
1:18:29 > 1:18:35Oh, beards. Oh, no. Horrible. Horrible things.
1:18:35 > 1:18:37All right, team, what have we got?
1:18:37 > 1:18:41Beard, moustaches, goatees, sideburns and ladies.
1:18:41 > 1:18:42What do we know?
1:18:49 > 1:18:54Mr Reeves, as you probably know, facial hair is my area of expertise.
1:18:54 > 1:18:57Now, there is a Beard and Moustache World Championship.
1:18:57 > 1:18:59FANFARE SOUNDS
1:18:59 > 1:19:02Seven types of moustaches are accepted in the competition.
1:19:02 > 1:19:07They're called the Natural, the English, the Hungarian,
1:19:07 > 1:19:12the Dali, the Imperial, the Fu Manchu and the Freestyle.
1:19:12 > 1:19:14The question is, do they let ladies in?
1:19:14 > 1:19:17Unfortunately not, Mr Reeves. It's men only.
1:19:17 > 1:19:20Well, that won't help us answer Maya's question.
1:19:20 > 1:19:23What else do we know about facial hair?
1:19:23 > 1:19:26The Indian police force offered pay increases
1:19:26 > 1:19:29to offices with moustaches.
1:19:30 > 1:19:36In 2004, police in Northern India started to pay an extra 30 rupees -
1:19:36 > 1:19:42that's 40p a month - to any police officer who grew a moustache.
1:19:42 > 1:19:45The Madhya Pradesh State Police said research showed
1:19:45 > 1:19:50that police with moustaches were taken more seriously.
1:19:50 > 1:19:54- Oh!- Boo!- Rubbish copper!
1:19:55 > 1:19:57Oh!
1:19:57 > 1:20:00However, the shape and style of police moustaches
1:20:00 > 1:20:04would be monitored to ensure they did not start to look too mean.
1:20:04 > 1:20:06Good!
1:20:06 > 1:20:08Good!
1:20:08 > 1:20:11Good!
1:20:11 > 1:20:14No, no, no! This makes you look like a very naughty boy.
1:20:14 > 1:20:16Start again!
1:20:16 > 1:20:17Ow!
1:20:19 > 1:20:23Well, that just goes to show if you want to get ahead, get a tache!
1:20:23 > 1:20:25Not always, Mr Reeves.
1:20:25 > 1:20:30Curiously, if you lived in Russia in 1698 and had a beard,
1:20:30 > 1:20:32you'd have had to pay beard tax.
1:20:32 > 1:20:37A tax on beards? In Russia? I've never heard of anything so ludicrous.
1:20:37 > 1:20:42Me, neither, but it's true. It was introduced by Peter the Great.
1:20:42 > 1:20:47Was it? Well, maybe I should have a word with this "Percy the Fantastic".
1:20:47 > 1:20:49- Peter the Great.- That's what I said.
1:20:49 > 1:20:53Mr Reeves, guess who's coming through C12?
1:20:54 > 1:20:57'Russian leader loading in C12.'
1:20:57 > 1:21:01- Ah! Peter the Super!- Great.
1:21:01 > 1:21:04No problem. Now, tell me about this beard tax.
1:21:04 > 1:21:08Well, people with beards are so square, it's like "get a life".
1:21:08 > 1:21:10I want my Russian people
1:21:10 > 1:21:13to be like trendy Europeans - cool and clean shaven.
1:21:13 > 1:21:16If you want a beard, you have to pay the price.
1:21:16 > 1:21:21Take a look at this bozo. He looks like a big, bearded Russian nerd.
1:21:21 > 1:21:23I won't have it. Not on my watch.
1:21:23 > 1:21:26If you want a beard this size, you must pay...
1:21:28 > 1:21:31- 50 roubles.- I cannot afford that!
1:21:31 > 1:21:33That is not my problem, my friend.
1:21:33 > 1:21:38Well, I tell you what, stay there. I might be able to help you out, mate.
1:21:38 > 1:21:41Stay there. I'll be with you in a minute.
1:21:41 > 1:21:44FOOTSTEPS GOING UPSTAIRS
1:21:47 > 1:21:53- Excuse me, Miss Wanamaker. Hello, what's your first name?- Wanda.
1:21:53 > 1:21:55Wanda Wanamaker.
1:21:55 > 1:21:58Right. Hello, son!
1:21:58 > 1:22:00- Hello.- Hang on a minute.
1:22:02 > 1:22:04Here, how's that?
1:22:04 > 1:22:0620 roubles.
1:22:06 > 1:22:09- Is that any good for you? - I literally have no money.
1:22:09 > 1:22:12OK, wait a minute.
1:22:12 > 1:22:15What about that?
1:22:15 > 1:22:18- 10 roubles.- Any good?
1:22:18 > 1:22:22- I don't even know what money looks like.- Right. Wait a minute.
1:22:25 > 1:22:27Ow!
1:22:27 > 1:22:31How about that, then, Peter the Satisfactory?
1:22:31 > 1:22:33You win this time, Mr Victor Reeves, but if you set foot
1:22:33 > 1:22:37in Mother Russia with one strand of stubble on your bulbous chin,
1:22:37 > 1:22:40I will come down on you like a sack of satsumas.
1:22:40 > 1:22:42And that is hard, my friend.
1:22:51 > 1:22:54I didn't think he was that great, did you?
1:22:54 > 1:22:58It's terrible they should tax anyone just for owning a bird.
1:22:58 > 1:23:01How many more times, we're not talking about birds,
1:23:01 > 1:23:04we're talking about BEARDS. Not birds, beards on your chin.
1:23:04 > 1:23:08- Oh! Beards!- You're a nightmare, you.
1:23:08 > 1:23:12- I know, I'm really hard work. - I know, you dozy twerp!
1:23:12 > 1:23:15Right, what we want to know is, why don't girls grow beards?
1:23:15 > 1:23:20I think I've found it, Mr Reeves. Some women actually can grow beards.
1:23:20 > 1:23:24Lots of amazing bearded ladies performed in circuses
1:23:24 > 1:23:26during the 19th century.
1:23:26 > 1:23:28She's right, Mr Reeves.
1:23:28 > 1:23:31The most famous of these women is Annie Jones.
1:23:31 > 1:23:34She joined the circus when she was a baby.
1:23:34 > 1:23:38By the age of five, she had a moustache and sideburns,
1:23:38 > 1:23:40and became very well known as the Bearded Girl.
1:23:40 > 1:23:42And then as a grown-up,
1:23:42 > 1:23:46Annie became America's favourite bearded lady.
1:23:46 > 1:23:47Yes!
1:23:47 > 1:23:50She's waiting for you in G1, Mr Reeves. Down there.
1:23:52 > 1:23:55'Bearded lady loading in G1.'
1:23:57 > 1:24:01Well, hello. Are you who I think you are?
1:24:01 > 1:24:03Well, of course I'm who you think I am.
1:24:03 > 1:24:08Annie Jones, America's favourite Bearded Lady. You're beautiful.
1:24:08 > 1:24:13Mr Reeves, it's interesting that you should think she's beautiful,
1:24:13 > 1:24:16because there is actually an Italian phrase,
1:24:16 > 1:24:19"Donna barbuta, sempre biacuta",
1:24:19 > 1:24:23which means "everyone loves a woman with a beard".
1:24:23 > 1:24:28What a coincidence, because that's the title of my new hit single.
1:24:28 > 1:24:31MUSIC STARTS
1:24:33 > 1:24:37# Oh, pretty baby, my bearded lady
1:24:37 > 1:24:41# The hairs on your chin drive me crazy
1:24:41 > 1:24:44# Don't even think I'd replace that lovely bush on your face
1:24:44 > 1:24:49# And it's growing longer each da-a-a-a-y!
1:24:49 > 1:24:53# Oh, pretty baby, my bearded lady
1:24:53 > 1:24:56# Your whiskers are covered in gravy
1:24:57 > 1:25:00# Porridge, ice cream and bits of margarine
1:25:00 > 1:25:05# And I love you more each da-a-a-a-y, hey!
1:25:05 > 1:25:07# Bearded lady
1:25:08 > 1:25:11# My bearded lady
1:25:12 > 1:25:17# My bearded la-hey-deeeee! #
1:25:21 > 1:25:24LOUD, SLOPPY KISSING
1:25:24 > 1:25:28- You're a man.- Pardon me, what was that? I was momentarily distracted.
1:25:28 > 1:25:31Yeah, I said, you're a man.
1:25:31 > 1:25:33Yeah, I'm a man! What of it?
1:25:33 > 1:25:37- Yeah! I knew you was a man!- Did you? What gave it away? The whiskers?
1:25:37 > 1:25:40Something like that. Where's the real Annie Jones?
1:25:40 > 1:25:42- She couldn't make it.- Why?
1:25:42 > 1:25:44- She had to go to hospital.- What for?
1:25:44 > 1:25:48- She cut herself.- How?- Shaving.- I was so looking forward to meeting her.
1:25:48 > 1:25:52- Get outta here!- My pleasure.- Yeah!
1:25:52 > 1:25:56Get outta here, Mr WhoeverYou-Are.
1:25:56 > 1:25:59Hey, I quite liked the look of that bird.
1:25:59 > 1:26:03You can't call a woman a bird! It wasn't a woman, it was a bloke.
1:26:03 > 1:26:06I am not talking about that, I'm talking about the hair on her face.
1:26:06 > 1:26:12- You like the beard?- Yeah, I like the beard.- That's all right, then.- OK.
1:26:12 > 1:26:16So there you are, some ladies can grow beards, although it's very rare,
1:26:16 > 1:26:21and if you do see one, give them a tickle under the chin for good luck.
1:26:21 > 1:26:24Get that information off to Maya, please, Miss Tea Potty.
1:26:24 > 1:26:26- Party.- Party.
1:26:29 > 1:26:32'Flying Postal Service has arrived.
1:26:34 > 1:26:38'Post prepared for postal personnel.
1:26:38 > 1:26:42'Thank you for using Flying Postal Services,
1:26:42 > 1:26:43'your number one aerial courier.'
1:26:45 > 1:26:46Goodbye.
1:26:46 > 1:26:48Goodbye.
1:26:48 > 1:26:51I'm going to the canteen. Anyone want anything?
1:26:51 > 1:26:55- You want anything? No? Right. No.- Oh, yes, yes!- You do?
1:26:55 > 1:26:58- What do you want?- Nothing.
1:27:00 > 1:27:03- Oh, hello, Mr Reeves! - Hello, Mrs Dollop.
1:27:03 > 1:27:06- It's Mrs De Lope!- Dul...lope?
1:27:06 > 1:27:11- Get it right.- So, what curious cuisine have you got for me today?
1:27:11 > 1:27:15- Something lovely here for you. This is Casu marzu.- Casu marzu.
1:27:15 > 1:27:18It's from Sardinia. It's a lovely cheese.
1:27:18 > 1:27:21- Yeah? Phowarrr!- Go on, try some.
1:27:21 > 1:27:25- Do I have to?- Yes! Try it! - Yeah, all right.
1:27:25 > 1:27:28Naaaah! Nuu-uu-uum! Urrrrgh!
1:27:28 > 1:27:33- It's disgusting!- Looks like you're enjoying it.- It's disgusting!
1:27:33 > 1:27:38Quiet! It's a lovely soft cheese and it's got hundreds and hundreds
1:27:38 > 1:27:42of little maggots in it, crawling all the way through. It's delicious.
1:27:42 > 1:27:45- It's horrible! - Are you dissing my cheese?- Yeah!
1:27:45 > 1:27:48- Well, you know what you can do, don't you?- What?
1:27:48 > 1:27:52Get out...of MY...CANTEEN!
1:27:52 > 1:27:54- I'll leave it.- Get out! - Casu marzu?
1:27:54 > 1:27:57More like khazi poo-poo!
1:27:57 > 1:27:58Out!
1:28:00 > 1:28:02Ah, lovely.
1:28:02 > 1:28:04Excellent, everybody.
1:28:04 > 1:28:08Right, now, we've had tongues and beards.
1:28:08 > 1:28:11How are the switchboards doing, Mr Frazernagle?
1:28:11 > 1:28:15Buzzing, Mr Reeves. I've got a caller on line three
1:28:15 > 1:28:18who's been on hold for ages. I'll put you through.
1:28:18 > 1:28:20TELEPHONE RINGS
1:28:20 > 1:28:25Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
1:28:25 > 1:28:28- How may I help you? - Hi, my name is Masood.
1:28:28 > 1:28:31I want to know, could an animal win the X Factor?
1:28:31 > 1:28:35Thank you very much, Masood. Goodbye.
1:28:36 > 1:28:39Well, Masood wants to know, could an animal win the X Factor?
1:28:39 > 1:28:44Do you know, as far as I'm concerned, they already have.
1:28:44 > 1:28:47We've had Lion-a Lewis! Ha, ha, ha!!!
1:28:47 > 1:28:50- Alexandra Bird!- Ha, ha!
1:28:50 > 1:28:53Cat Cardle!
1:28:53 > 1:28:56Ha, ha, ha!
1:28:56 > 1:29:00All X Factor winners, and all animals. Ha, ha, ha!
1:29:00 > 1:29:04I'm detecting codswallop, Mr Reeves, and you know it.
1:29:04 > 1:29:08An animal has never won the X Factor.
1:29:08 > 1:29:11Really? I never knew that, to be honest. I didn't.
1:29:11 > 1:29:14Right, come on, team, what have we got on musical animals?
1:29:21 > 1:29:23Here's a curious fact.
1:29:23 > 1:29:26Dolphins can sing at a pitch higher than Mariah Carey.
1:29:26 > 1:29:28Really?
1:29:28 > 1:29:30Incoming in E11, Mr Reeves.
1:29:31 > 1:29:34'Singing Dolphin loading in E11.'
1:29:36 > 1:29:39DOLPHIN SQUEAKS
1:29:45 > 1:29:51That's beautiful. But, tell me, how comes you can sing so high?
1:29:51 > 1:29:53- SPEAKS IN VERY LOW VOICE: - I dunno, kid.
1:29:53 > 1:29:56It just comes naturally to me.
1:29:56 > 1:29:59Well, that's all well and good,
1:29:59 > 1:30:03but what else have we got on singing animals?
1:30:03 > 1:30:06Sticking with sea mammals, whales can sing the loudest.
1:30:06 > 1:30:10I'm not surprised, judging by the size of their tongue!
1:30:10 > 1:30:14Indeed, Mr Reeves, a whale's song is 188 decibels,
1:30:14 > 1:30:16that's louder than a jumbo jet.
1:30:16 > 1:30:18It can be heard from over 500 miles away,
1:30:18 > 1:30:21so it wouldn't need a microphone.
1:30:21 > 1:30:24Well, that's incredible!
1:30:24 > 1:30:26And curious!
1:30:27 > 1:30:29Brace yourselves.
1:30:39 > 1:30:43- Hello, my old friend, Andrew Baxter.- Hello, Vic.
1:30:43 > 1:30:47They tell me when you're not balancing 50 people on your tongue,
1:30:47 > 1:30:50you're singing really loudly.
1:30:50 > 1:30:54# Yes, it's completely true! I always sing so loud! #
1:30:54 > 1:30:59Oh, blimey, that was loud. And if you don't mind me saying, a bit flat.
1:30:59 > 1:31:02- Thanks very much.- That was you and not Gary Barlow, wasn't it?
1:31:02 > 1:31:06- It was Gary Barlow, actually. - I thought you might say that.
1:31:07 > 1:31:09Well, loud is one thing,
1:31:09 > 1:31:12but we need an animal with the skills to impress Louie Spence.
1:31:12 > 1:31:14You mean Louis Walsh?
1:31:14 > 1:31:16Louis Armstrong, first man on the Moon. Who cares?
1:31:16 > 1:31:19Well, how about this, Mr Reeves?
1:31:19 > 1:31:24Lyre birds are amazing mimics - who know copying sounds and that -
1:31:24 > 1:31:27they can recreate almost any sound they hear.
1:31:27 > 1:31:31For example chainsaws, car engines, fire alarms and camera shutters.
1:31:31 > 1:31:35Amazing! I'd like to meet one of these incredible creatures.
1:31:35 > 1:31:40Lyre bird coming through, Mr Reeves. Beaky beast in H4, down there.
1:31:40 > 1:31:43'Bird impressionist loaded in H4.'
1:31:43 > 1:31:46Ooh! There it is! Ooh, it fluttered by!
1:31:46 > 1:31:49ELEPHANT CALL, CAT'S MIAOW AND PUMP NOISE!
1:31:49 > 1:31:53- That's rubbish, I could do better than that, can't I?- Oh, shut up.
1:31:53 > 1:31:56- Do you want to hear me? - Go on, then, Mr Reeves.
1:31:56 > 1:32:01I can do impressions better than the lyre bird. Anything you want.
1:32:01 > 1:32:04I'm going to do the impressions, OK?
1:32:04 > 1:32:06Starting off with a bell.
1:32:08 > 1:32:10BELL RINGS
1:32:11 > 1:32:16- Pretty good, eh?- Oh, amazing, Mr Reeves. And what else can you do?
1:32:16 > 1:32:19A car horn. (The car horn.)
1:32:19 > 1:32:21CAR HORN TOOTS
1:32:21 > 1:32:24What about that? And I take requests.
1:32:26 > 1:32:29- Right, well, how about a bus?- A bus.
1:32:29 > 1:32:31What do I do?
1:32:31 > 1:32:34OK, a bus!
1:32:34 > 1:32:37BUS BELL RINGS
1:32:37 > 1:32:39NOISE OF BUS PULLING AWAY
1:32:41 > 1:32:43- How did you do that?- I don't know.
1:32:43 > 1:32:45You see? I'm incredible.
1:32:45 > 1:32:48You're amazing, Mr Reeves!
1:32:48 > 1:32:51Thank you, Wanda.
1:32:51 > 1:32:54So, there we are. Any more facts on musical animals?
1:32:54 > 1:32:56Yes, over here!
1:32:56 > 1:33:01The famous composer Mozart had a pet starling which he loved.
1:33:01 > 1:33:05It had a big impact on his life and on his music.
1:33:06 > 1:33:13Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, composer, musician, wearer of wigs
1:33:13 > 1:33:15and...bird lover?
1:33:15 > 1:33:19Mozart had a pet starling and found it quite an inspiration,
1:33:19 > 1:33:22particularly when it learnt to sing
1:33:22 > 1:33:27his catchily named Piano Concerto No 17 in C minor FF.
1:33:27 > 1:33:31Wunderbar! Wunderbar!
1:33:31 > 1:33:35STARLING BEATBOXES
1:33:35 > 1:33:37OK, now you're showing off.
1:33:37 > 1:33:40Mozart loved the little bird, so as you can imagine,
1:33:40 > 1:33:42he was gutted when he carked it.
1:33:45 > 1:33:48In fact, he was so sad he had a massive funeral
1:33:48 > 1:33:51and made all his friends and family come along.
1:33:51 > 1:33:54Which is a bit weird.
1:33:54 > 1:33:57Sorry. Just saying. It IS a bit weird.
1:34:00 > 1:34:03Have we got a conclusion? Can an animal win the X Factor?
1:34:03 > 1:34:05Well, no, Mr Reeves, they can't.
1:34:05 > 1:34:08And as we've seen, a lot of animals are very musical
1:34:08 > 1:34:12but they're not allowed to enter the X Factor, unfortunately.
1:34:12 > 1:34:16- It's in the rules.- In the rules? Have you got a rule book?
1:34:16 > 1:34:19- Just here.- Show me this rule book. The X Factor rulebook.
1:34:19 > 1:34:22No animals. That's the only rule in it!
1:34:24 > 1:34:28OK, get those facts off to Masood pronto, please, Miss Tea Party.
1:34:28 > 1:34:30Right away, Mr Reeves.
1:34:31 > 1:34:34A very good day today. Well done, team.
1:34:34 > 1:34:37Well done indeed. Well done, everybody!
1:34:37 > 1:34:40'Attention, Ministry. The working day is over.
1:34:40 > 1:34:43'Re-assessing curious stuff.
1:34:43 > 1:34:47Jack asked who has the biggest tongue, and we found out.
1:34:47 > 1:34:50In the animal world, an anteater's tongue is two foot long,
1:34:50 > 1:34:52a giraffe uses his tongue to clean its ears
1:34:52 > 1:34:56and a woodpecker wraps its tongue around its brain.
1:34:56 > 1:34:58But the biggest tongue belongs to the blue whale.
1:34:58 > 1:35:00It's big enough to fit 50 people on.
1:35:00 > 1:35:05Four football teams and Dermot O'Leary are all on my tongue.
1:35:05 > 1:35:09Next, Maya wanted to know why don't girls grow beards?
1:35:09 > 1:35:12And we found that about the beard and moustache championship.
1:35:12 > 1:35:16- Do they let ladies in?- Unfortunately not, Mr Reeves. It's men-only.
1:35:16 > 1:35:20The Indian police offered more money to cops with taches.
1:35:20 > 1:35:25In 1698, bearded folk in Russia had to pay a beard tax.
1:35:25 > 1:35:29If you want a beard this size, you must pay 50 roubles.
1:35:29 > 1:35:32But to answer Maya's question, girls can grow beards.
1:35:32 > 1:35:36Just look at 19th-century bearded lady, Annie Jones.
1:35:36 > 1:35:40Masood asked, could an animal win the X Factor, and we found out.
1:35:40 > 1:35:44Dolphins can sing higher than Mariah Carey.
1:35:44 > 1:35:48That's beautiful. Whales can sing the loudest of all animals.
1:35:48 > 1:35:51# I always sing so loud... #
1:35:51 > 1:35:55A lyre bird can imitate almost anything brilliantly.
1:35:55 > 1:35:56ELEPHANT CALL AND PUMP NOISE
1:35:56 > 1:35:59Mozart had a pet starling that inspired his music.
1:35:59 > 1:36:01Wunderbar! Wunderbar!
1:36:01 > 1:36:06But sadly, Masood, it's the law. Animals cannot enter the X Factor!
1:36:06 > 1:36:11- I do like a lady with a beard. - You do like a bird with a beard.
1:36:11 > 1:36:16- Don't start that again.- All right, kid.- Right, goodbye, everybody.
1:36:16 > 1:36:19'End of the day. Transportation ready for Mr Reeves.'
1:36:19 > 1:36:22Goodbye, Mr Reeves.
1:36:22 > 1:36:25- Goodbye, Mr Reeves.- Bye, Mr Reeves.
1:36:25 > 1:36:27Stand back, everyone.
1:36:29 > 1:36:32I'm going home for me tea!
1:36:44 > 1:36:46Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd