0:00:02 > 0:00:03PHONE RINGS
0:00:05 > 0:00:10Here at the Ministry Of Curious Stuff, we explore any subject
0:00:10 > 0:00:14you desire, and deliver top-quality curious facts.
0:00:17 > 0:00:22On hand, our dedicated team - Lovett, Teaparty, Frasernagle
0:00:22 > 0:00:24on the calls, Wannamaker in the walls.
0:00:24 > 0:00:28And of course, Captain Length-Width.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36That's Miss Bracegirdle.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39She's been sent by head office to investigate our work
0:00:39 > 0:00:41and compile a report.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45If we fail to impress, the megaboss will shut the ministry down.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51Let's not dilly-dally. There's lots to do.
0:00:51 > 0:00:57Welcome to the Ministry of Curious Stuff. Good morning, everybody.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59- Good morning, Mr Reeves. - Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- Good morning, Mr Reeves. - Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Oho! Now, Miss Teaparty, what are the headlines?
0:01:05 > 0:01:09Well, sharks are immune to viruses.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10Race car spelt backwards
0:01:10 > 0:01:11is still race car,
0:01:11 > 0:01:15and Length-Width is confused about his reflection again.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16- Is he?- What are you doing,
0:01:16 > 0:01:20following me around? Any more of this and I'm going to the cops.
0:01:20 > 0:01:25It's a mirror, man! A mirror! How many more times...?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Length-Width, how are you getting on
0:01:27 > 0:01:29with the Norska air trumpet competition?
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Well, I have bought my tickets to Norway. I have practised my piece.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35I tell you what, I'm ready to go.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- Let's hear it.- Really? You want to hear it now? Here we go then.
0:01:39 > 0:01:40Get my trumpet.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43TRUMPET SOUNDS
0:01:43 > 0:01:47- You're a bit good.- I've been practising. Do you want to have a go?
0:01:47 > 0:01:49- I want to hear what you're going to play?- Can I use yours?
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Please, please.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55TRUMPET SOUNDS DUFF NOTES
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Good luck in Norway!
0:02:00 > 0:02:02- Nice trumpet you've got. - Yes, thank you.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04CREAKING
0:02:04 > 0:02:08Please forgive me, I'm so sorry that that happened.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Well, thank you!
0:02:09 > 0:02:13Mr Reeves, if you don't get on with some work,
0:02:13 > 0:02:14you'll all have to work late.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15ALL: What?!
0:02:15 > 0:02:20So less larking around. It all goes in the report, remember.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Right, very well.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Mr Frasernagle. Hi, Frazzazz!
0:02:29 > 0:02:33- Oh! morning, Mr Reeves.- Any calls coming through on the switchboard?
0:02:33 > 0:02:37The switchboards are absolutely chocka.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40I've got a great call on line two. I'll put you through.
0:02:40 > 0:02:45Thank you. Hello, this is Vic Reeves here of the Ministry of
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Curious Stuff. How might I be of attendance to your query?
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Hello, Mr Reeves. My name is Juliet,
0:02:51 > 0:02:55and I want to know some curious stuff about teeth.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Thank you, Juliet. Thank you very much. Goodbye.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Juliet would like to know some fascinatingly curious facts
0:03:02 > 0:03:04about teeth, so let's get cracking.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Right, what facts have we got on teeth, then?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Ouch! My teeth!
0:03:16 > 0:03:19How incredibly painful,
0:03:19 > 0:03:23and yet coincidental that we're talking about teeth.
0:03:23 > 0:03:28What can I do to cease this infernal agony?
0:03:28 > 0:03:32Well, here's something, Mr Reeves. In 1800, people with false teeth
0:03:32 > 0:03:34went to great lengths to protect them.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36They would eat before social events to prevent them
0:03:36 > 0:03:38falling out at dinner.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42Yes, and then at the dinner party, they would pretend to eat the food.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44This unique Victorian tradition protected them
0:03:44 > 0:03:48against the embarrassment of having their teeth fall out whilst dining.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56- It's soup!- Oh!
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Mm! This is delicious.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- Have some more.- I couldn't possibly.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- Oh, go on.- I'll burst my corset!
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Hedges?
0:04:11 > 0:04:15- Yes, sir?- There appears to be a hair my food.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- I'll remove it for you straight way, sir.- That would be lovely.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- I couldn't eat any more.- You won't be wanting any trifle then, madam.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Trifle? Food fight!
0:04:37 > 0:04:38Idiots!
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Whoopsee!
0:04:42 > 0:04:47- My tooth is killing me. There must be something I can do.- What a fuss!
0:04:47 > 0:04:50You know, you could try kissing a donkey.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Nice try, love it, but I'm not falling for that one again.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57No, really. In Germany in the Middle Ages, it was
0:04:57 > 0:04:59believed that a donkey kiss relieved toothache.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01That sounds absolutely ridiculous.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05I need to talk to a dental expert from the Middle Ages.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Miss Wannamaker?
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Rudy and Neil in G1 for you, Mr Reeves?
0:05:12 > 0:05:15Hello, everybody. How are you?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Donkey, donkey, donkey.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Come on, Neil. So, this is Neil.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24Here we go. Neil is 28 years old. He is from Birmingham.
0:05:24 > 0:05:29He likes eating grass and shopping. Yes, look how fast he is.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Come on, Neil. Round we go.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Rudy, kissing a donkey to cure toothache - it's just
0:05:35 > 0:05:38- mumbo-jumbo, isn't it?- No way, dude.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42- I swear on my favourite mouthwash that it works a treat.- What?
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Just one kiss from my super-best friend Neil here,
0:05:45 > 0:05:48and it makes all the pain go away.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50OK.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53DRUM ROLL
0:05:58 > 0:06:00No, didn't work.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Well, I suppose there's no real scientific explanation,
0:06:03 > 0:06:07but you've got to admit, he is a great kisser.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Come on, Neil. Goodbye, everybody.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Goodbye, Rudy. Goodbye, Neill.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Stop playing with your tooth, Mr Reeves. It's going to fall out.
0:06:18 > 0:06:19Yeah, all right.
0:06:19 > 0:06:25Well, research suggests a snail has approximately 25,000 teeth.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Rubbish. There's not one single tooth in this snail's mouth.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31- That's the wrong end.- What?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Oh, that makes your eyes water.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38There. My tooth's come out.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42- Your tooth's come out?- Yes. - Oh.- My tooth's come out.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45I told you it would come out if you kept fiddling with it, Mr Reeves.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47But at least the pain is gone now.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50At last he can stop whining.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53You can put your tooth under your pillow for the truth fairy
0:06:53 > 0:06:57- and make some money.- Yes!- Here's something curious, Mr Reeves.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00In Spain, France, and Italy, they don't have a tooth fairy,
0:07:00 > 0:07:02they have a tooth mouse.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06A tooth mouse? Collecting European children's teeth?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08I need to investigate this.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18- Quantum theory, Ken?- Yep.
0:07:28 > 0:07:34- Mon cherie, je t'aime. - Ah, je t'aime.- Cherie.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Hello, Vic Reeves, Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45You must be David Battenberg,
0:07:45 > 0:07:48wildlife presenter and world-famous tooth-mouse hunter.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- Yes, that's me.- I was wondering if I might tag along
0:07:51 > 0:07:54and maybe catch sight of the little fella.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Of course. But we must be very, very quiet.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Now, what we're watching here is Pablo,
0:07:59 > 0:08:03a young Spanish butcher who only this morning lost a tooth.
0:08:03 > 0:08:04He's placed it under the pillow,
0:08:04 > 0:08:08and is now awaiting the arrival of the mysterious tooth mouse.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10- And there he is, there.- Where?
0:08:10 > 0:08:13If you look really carefully, you can just about make him out.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16There he is, there, just on the other side of the room.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21As you can see, it's a complete professional.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- PHONE RINGS - Hello?
0:08:24 > 0:08:29What, speak up? I can't hear you. No, I'm looking for teeth. Teeth.
0:08:29 > 0:08:34Yes, I cant find any. No. Getting on my nerves.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Psst! Psst! Have my tooth.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43Yes, I've found it. That's me done. See you later.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Oi! Tooth mouse!
0:08:45 > 0:08:46- What?- What do I get, then?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Oh, yes. Sorry.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52There you go, mate.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- Cheers.- Buy yourself something nice.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57- Well, thanks a bunch!- Bye!
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Hey, do you know what?
0:09:01 > 0:09:04You can keep that tooth fairy and her small change.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- What did you get, Mr Reeves? - In exchange for my whole tooth,
0:09:07 > 0:09:10I got Gorgonzola.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Don't worry, there's a cure for that.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16- Oh, cheese.- Yes.
0:09:16 > 0:09:21Mr Reeves! We need more curious facts and less cheesy nonsense.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Shall we get on, and extract the facts?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Dear Juliet, I am delighted to enclose
0:09:27 > 0:09:29some curious stuff about teeth.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33We found that the Victorians would pretend to eat at dinner parties
0:09:33 > 0:09:35to protect their false teeth.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Kissing a donkey was thought to cure toothache
0:09:38 > 0:09:40in Germany in the Middle Ages.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44A snail has approximately 25,000 teeth.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47And a tooth mouse collects children's teeth
0:09:47 > 0:09:49in Spain, France, and Italy.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52So that's curious teeth. What's next?
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Aw! Welcome to the Ministry canteen.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02- Morning, Mrs Dollop.- It's Dol-LOPE! What can I get for you, sweetheart?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05I want a salad. Make me a salad. I want a salad now!
0:10:05 > 0:10:10All right, sweetie. I'll get you a lovely salad. Tony! Salad!
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Did you know that the Ancient Greeks awarded celery to
0:10:14 > 0:10:17the winners of sport events?
0:10:17 > 0:10:18Go figure.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23Where's that salad, Tony? Just throw something together.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Ah! Ah! Not at me, you hairy ha'porth!
0:10:27 > 0:10:31I'm sorry, the kitchen is closed for training.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36OK, Mr Frasernagle. Any calls on the switchboard?
0:10:36 > 0:10:40Ooh! Call coming through on line one. Putting you through.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Oh, thank you.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Hello, Vic Reeves here of the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49How might I be of cooperation in your concern.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Hello, Mister Reeves. My name is Laurie.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I'd like to know some curious stuff about diamonds.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Thank you, Laurie. Thank you very much for your question. Goodbye.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Yes, goodbye. Goodbye!
0:10:59 > 0:11:03Laurie wants to know some curious facts about diamonds.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Length-Width, any diamonds in your jewellery box?
0:11:05 > 0:11:07- Diamonds? No.- Rubies?
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Yes, I've got diamonds in Ruby's jewellery box.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11- Pearls?- Yes, that's the thing.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Pearl keeps Ruby's jewellery box underneath her bed
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- with my diamonds in it.- I'm confused. - Ha-ha! You will be.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Right, come on. Curious diamond facts.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23Diamonds are made from carbon under crushing pressure and intense heat.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26You'll find most diamonds are over a billion years old.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Blimey! That's about as old as Miss Bracegirdle!
0:11:29 > 0:11:31- LAUGHTER - What was that, Mr Jeeves?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34I said, "Blimey! It's cold!" Miss Bracegirdle.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37- Yes. That's what he said. - Likely!
0:11:37 > 0:11:41It says here the largest diamond ever discovered on Earth
0:11:41 > 0:11:44is estimated to be worth £200 million.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46That's a lot of cash.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Oh, Mr Reeves. This is very exciting.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52A white dwarf star called Lucy was discovered in 2004.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56A white dwarf is the hot core that's left over when a star dies,
0:11:56 > 0:12:01and it's made mostly of carbon, and at up to 4,000 kilometres wide,
0:12:01 > 0:12:05Lucy is currently thought to be the biggest diamond in the universe.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09Ooh! A diamond star? A star that's a diamond?
0:12:09 > 0:12:13That's a bit far-fetched, isn't it? I want to talk to Ken Millet,
0:12:13 > 0:12:17the world's smallest NASA specialist.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- Hello, Vic.- Hello, Ken. So this star's a diamond, right?
0:12:24 > 0:12:28Yes, that's right. It's the biggest diamond in the universe.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30- How d'you know? Did you go there with your drill?- No.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34- So how would you know it's a diamond?- I just know.- But how?
0:12:34 > 0:12:35- I just do.- All right.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Well, maybe I know there's a planet with a crunchy honeycomb centre
0:12:38 > 0:12:42covered in chocolate, the biggest chocolate treat in the universe.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- That's ridiculous. - Yeah, but how do you know?
0:12:45 > 0:12:50- I just do.- Yeah, but how do you know? - Because it's a massive diamond.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53- But how do you know?- I just do! - How d'you know?- I just do.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56- How d'you know?- I just do. - How'd you know?- I just do.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59BOTH SCREAM
0:13:03 > 0:13:05That's good enough for me. Thanks for clearing that up, Ken.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08No problem, Vic. Any time.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16Well, actually, Mr Reeves, stars give out pulses which
0:13:16 > 0:13:20scientists can measure, and that's how they know what's inside.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Well, now we know.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24OK. Any more curious facts about diamonds, please?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Er, yes. If you'd care to take a look.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30Damien Hirst created a piece of artwork called For The Love Of God.
0:13:30 > 0:13:35Basically, it's just a human skull covered in thousands of diamonds.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Well, that is incredible!
0:13:37 > 0:13:40That would look really good on the handlebars of my moped.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44I'm going to buy it. Right, let's have a look.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46How much is it?
0:13:46 > 0:13:50Um, it has a price tag of £50 million.
0:13:51 > 0:13:52Right, um...
0:13:54 > 0:14:02Miss Teaparty, you couldn't lend me £49,999,999.28p,
0:14:02 > 0:14:06could you? I'll give it to you back at the weekend.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09I've only got a fiver.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14Well, if you, like me, can't afford £50 million,
0:14:14 > 0:14:19here's how you make your very own Damien-Hirst-style diamond skull.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Now, for the skull, you need to get into your garden
0:14:22 > 0:14:26and dig up pumpkin, but if you don't want to get your fingernails dirty,
0:14:26 > 0:14:28do as I've done, and use the head of an idiot.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Glad I could help, Mr Reeves.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Next, we apply some honey onto the face,
0:14:34 > 0:14:37being careful to avoid the eyes and nose holes.
0:14:37 > 0:14:44- Oh! I'll say.- Yes. And for the diamonds, I've used rice puffs.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Apply them onto the honey there.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49This seems like very intricate work.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53- How long do you think this might take?- Well, you know,
0:14:53 > 0:14:55good art can take years and years.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Well, I've got a swimming lesson at two,
0:14:58 > 0:15:02so if you could just whip things along a bit, I'd be very grateful.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Yep, OK, I'll do what I can.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09- Mr Reeves, I really don't think we have time.- There we are. Finished!
0:15:09 > 0:15:10Isn't that lovely?
0:15:10 > 0:15:15- SHE MOUTHS - And if we compare...
0:15:15 > 0:15:18I don't know about you, but I can't tell which is which.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22And the bonus of my home version is that if you get caught out
0:15:22 > 0:15:26in the rain, it makes a lovely "snip, crickle and plop" sound!
0:15:26 > 0:15:28SNIP Whoops!
0:15:28 > 0:15:33Whoops, indeed! It may be beautiful, but it's a waste of time.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- It's going in the report. - Ooh, that woman!
0:15:36 > 0:15:41Right, Miss Teaparty - any more curious facts on diamonds?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Er, well, Mr Reeves - the Koh-i-Noor
0:15:43 > 0:15:46is a diamond that sits in the Queen's crown,
0:15:46 > 0:15:48and it is said that it carries with it a curse
0:15:48 > 0:15:51which affects the men who wear it, but not the women.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55Yes. All the men who owned the stone either lost their throne
0:15:55 > 0:15:58or had something else bad happen to them.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Queen Victoria was the first female reigning monarch to wear the stone,
0:16:01 > 0:16:04and since her reign, the stone is generally worn by the British Queen.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08- Ooh! Sounds impressive! I want to see this.- I'm coming, too!
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Right, the Koh-i-Noor diamond should be just through here.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Wow! There it is. Isn't it beautiful?
0:16:21 > 0:16:24- I must say, I really, really want that.- You can't have it.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27- But I want it.- Can't have it!
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Come on, let's get out of here before we do something we regret.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33- Yes, yes!- Don't look at it!
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Well, that was lovely, wasn't it? Hey, what's that doing on your head?
0:16:38 > 0:16:42- I made it quite clear that I wanted it.- What about the curse?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- Oh, don't be...- Agh! - THUNDER CLAPS
0:16:47 > 0:16:49What curse?
0:16:49 > 0:16:51We're going to have to get rid of that diamond.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Listen, we're going to have to get rid of this diamond.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- We're... That's what I said. - There's Trevor!- Trevor!
0:16:57 > 0:17:00- Hoi-hoi, Trevor! - All right, lads, how are you doing?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Trevor, you're a market tradesman. What are you selling today?
0:17:03 > 0:17:07Right, today, right, mate, I've got this fake pork pie and a kestrel..
0:17:07 > 0:17:09BOTH: Hmmm.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14Would you swap a kestrel for that massive diamond?
0:17:14 > 0:17:18Are you joking? A kestrel for a diamond, mate? Not a chance.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20THEY GRUMBLE
0:17:25 > 0:17:29# Diamonds aren't for Trevor
0:17:30 > 0:17:35# He finds them unappealing
0:17:36 > 0:17:40# Boring, not worth stealing
0:17:40 > 0:17:44# He says they are just gravel
0:17:44 > 0:17:50# With no right to dazzle the ladies
0:17:53 > 0:17:57# Diamonds aren't for Trevor
0:17:57 > 0:18:02# He says they're Jumped up little pebbles
0:18:04 > 0:18:08# Trevor prefers kestrels
0:18:08 > 0:18:14# And this is why
0:18:15 > 0:18:20# Trevor, the grocer from Leicester
0:18:20 > 0:18:22# Has never and never
0:18:22 > 0:18:26# Will wed. #
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Aw, poor Trevor.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37And it'll be poor Mr Reeves, too, if you don't stop that warbling.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Who do you think you are? Wayne Crooney. Ha ha ha!
0:18:41 > 0:18:42Ha ha ha(!)
0:18:42 > 0:18:46Remember. If the Ministry isn't up to scratch, it will be shut down.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50For now, shall we extract some facts?
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Dear Lawrie, I'm delighted to enclose
0:18:53 > 0:18:55some curious stuff about diamonds.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57We found diamonds are made from carbon,
0:18:57 > 0:19:00which has been crushed and put under intense heat.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02A white dwarf star called Lucy
0:19:02 > 0:19:05is thought to be the biggest diamond in the universe.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Damien Hirst made artwork out of a human skull,
0:19:08 > 0:19:11which he covered in diamonds.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14And the Koh-i-noor worn by the Queen is thought to have a curse
0:19:14 > 0:19:17that only affects men who wear it.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Diamond facts extracted. So, what's next?
0:19:20 > 0:19:24Mr Frazernagle, surely there must be someone on the line at the moment?
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Ooh! I've got a tremenDOUS call coming through on line four .
0:19:29 > 0:19:31I'll put you through now.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33- PHONE RINGS - Thank you.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry Of Curious Stuff,
0:19:36 > 0:19:39how might I provide backing in your search?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Hello, Mr Reeves. My name is Guy
0:19:41 > 0:19:45and I'd like to know some stuff about curious competitions.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Certainly, Guy. Thank you, goodbye.
0:19:48 > 0:19:53Guy would like to know some facts about curious competitions.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01OK, it's time for the Ministry of Curious Stuff's
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Annual Curious Competition Competition.
0:20:03 > 0:20:08FANFARE
0:20:08 > 0:20:09OK, what's our first contender
0:20:09 > 0:20:12for the most curious competition competition?
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Mobile phone throwing is an international sport
0:20:15 > 0:20:17that started in Finland in the year 2000.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20It's a sport where participants throw mobile phones
0:20:20 > 0:20:22then they're judged on distance or technique.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Fascinating.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26WHISTLING RINGTONE
0:20:26 > 0:20:27Oh!
0:20:31 > 0:20:32Hello, Mummy.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34What's that? Well, I'll have a look...
0:20:36 > 0:20:38No, no, they're clean on last Tuesday.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Listen, just relax, Mother. I really do know what I'm doing...
0:20:41 > 0:20:43What are you doing?! My mother!
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Goodbye. You may return to your bubbling cauldron.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Thank you very much! What are you doing?!
0:20:48 > 0:20:50No, no, no! No!
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Good throw.
0:20:55 > 0:20:56Thanks, Captain.
0:20:57 > 0:21:03- Right, next competition, please, Miss Teaparty.- Well, Mr Reeves...
0:21:03 > 0:21:04BONK
0:21:05 > 0:21:09The world's ugliest dog competition takes place every year
0:21:09 > 0:21:12in California, and the winner gets 1,000.
0:21:12 > 0:21:141,000?!
0:21:14 > 0:21:18Well, allow me to introduce you to the revolting face
0:21:18 > 0:21:21which is going to win me that 1,000.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25The soon to be winner, my hideous dog,
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Simon Davenport!
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Look! There he is, makes you want to heave, doesn't it?
0:21:35 > 0:21:36- That's not a dog.- That is a dog.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39It's the ugliest dog in the universe.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- No, it's a pig in a wig. - It's not! It's a dog!
0:21:42 > 0:21:44- It's a pig! - A pig with a wig on.- Clearly.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Now, you look here, Mr Reeves!
0:21:46 > 0:21:49I like as much fun as the next man, but trying to pass off that pig
0:21:49 > 0:21:53in a wig as the ugliest dog in the world, that's going too far!
0:21:53 > 0:21:54I don't know how you sleep at night!
0:21:54 > 0:21:56- You look here!- You look here!
0:21:56 > 0:21:57You look here!
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- That's a pig in a wig! - No, it's a doggy-woggy.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- It's a piggy-wiggy!- Doggy! - It's a piggy-wiggy in a wiggy!
0:22:03 > 0:22:04- Now, you look here! - You look here!
0:22:04 > 0:22:06- Arrgh!- Arrr!
0:22:06 > 0:22:07This is a dog!
0:22:07 > 0:22:10He's right, you know. That's a pig in a wig.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Ha ha! From a dog!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14HE GRUMBLES
0:22:15 > 0:22:20Right, more curious facts on curious competitions, please.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24The world worm charming championship started in 1980.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Yes, it was won by Tom Shufflebotham
0:22:27 > 0:22:31for collecting 511 worms in 30 minutes.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32Well done, Mr Shufflebotham.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36Mmm, I'd like to meet this worm charming champion.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39There's a worm charmer in X5, Mr Reeves.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42Well, hello.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Hang on a minute, you're not Tom Shufflebotham,
0:22:45 > 0:22:48World Worm-Charming champion?
0:22:48 > 0:22:50No, I'm Humphrey Smooth.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Winner of the World's Most Charming Worm Competition.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59- It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.- And you.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02I absolutely love what you've done with your hair.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05- It makes you look 20 years younger. - Thank you.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Teaparty, is that you?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10I'm sorry, I didn't recognise you there,
0:23:10 > 0:23:12I thought you were a movie star!
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Love it, love you!
0:23:16 > 0:23:20That's the best "mousse-stache" I've ever seen.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Never seen at all.
0:23:23 > 0:23:29Bracegirdle, you're looking buffed, dude. Have you been working out?
0:23:29 > 0:23:32CHUCKLING
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Length-Width...
0:23:43 > 0:23:45What a charming worm he was.
0:23:46 > 0:23:47I'm crushed.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51This next competition isn't quite so charming, Mr Reeves.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Apparently, at the turn of the century,
0:23:53 > 0:23:55trumping contests were held in Japan.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Phoarr!
0:24:03 > 0:24:04# You go first
0:24:04 > 0:24:06# No, you go f-iiiirst
0:24:06 > 0:24:10# I totally insist that you go first
0:24:10 > 0:24:12# Very well. #
0:24:12 > 0:24:14LOUD TRUMPETING
0:24:14 > 0:24:16LAUGHTER
0:24:16 > 0:24:19# After you! #
0:24:19 > 0:24:22SQUEAKY TRUMPETING
0:24:23 > 0:24:25# You win! #
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Get in!
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Oh, they were a rather unfragrant pair, Mr Reeves.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Yes, agreed, very stinky.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38- How about the world of chess-boxing? - Ahhh!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Now that sounds more up my street.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Length-Width, what are you doing over there?
0:24:42 > 0:24:46I thought I'd get a quick game in, Mr Reeves. Why not come and join me?
0:24:46 > 0:24:48I don't mind if I do.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52Right, OK, now, where are we?
0:24:52 > 0:24:56- Well, erm, I believe it's your move. - Right, OK, good.
0:24:56 > 0:25:01Erm, right... Let's have a look here. Ah! Now then...
0:25:01 > 0:25:06Horse takes tower thing and one of those and
0:25:06 > 0:25:09jumps up, that there.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15Do you know what? I think chess-boxing could be my favourite
0:25:15 > 0:25:18in the Curious Competition Competition.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22Yes, I agree, Mr Reeves, although I've loved all the competitions.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24- I'm over here.- What?!
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Well, they've all been great contenders.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32But now it's time to find out who's the winner
0:25:32 > 0:25:35of the Most Curious Competition Competition.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40And the winner is...
0:25:42 > 0:25:44The Ministry of Curious Stuff,
0:25:44 > 0:25:46with The Ministry of Curious Stuff
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Most Curious Competition Competition.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56Oh my gosh, this is so unbelievable. Oh!
0:25:56 > 0:25:59I promised myself I wouldn't cry but...
0:25:59 > 0:26:02you only get a moment like this once in a lifetime...
0:26:02 > 0:26:06Yes, yes, that's all very touching, I'm sure,
0:26:06 > 0:26:09but I think we'd better wrap it up, don't you?
0:26:09 > 0:26:14- Let's extract the fact.- That was my big moment, Mr Reeves.- Sshhh!
0:26:35 > 0:26:36Or my favourite...
0:26:39 > 0:26:43That's stuff about Curious Competitions.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46And that is what you call fact extraction.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50- Thank you, Miss Bracegirdle. - Oh, no, no, no.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54Thank you, Mr Reeves. For there has been some outrageous behaviour
0:26:54 > 0:26:57which has made it into my little report today.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01The mega-boss is going to be very interested to read this.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05But...I must admit,
0:27:05 > 0:27:10we have extracted some wonderfully curious facts.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14Yes, haven't we? I think we have, well done, team.
0:27:14 > 0:27:15Now it's time to go, I think.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Don't forget to post our findings to our callers, Mr Reeves.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21- Thank you, Miss Teaparty. - What are you up to tonight, sir?
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Tonight I'm going to be playing with my doll's house.
0:27:24 > 0:27:25I mean dog's house! I...
0:27:25 > 0:27:29I'm going to be getting into the dog's kennel, dog's sty,
0:27:29 > 0:27:30pigsty, dogs...
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Good night!
0:27:32 > 0:27:34BOTH: Good night, Mr Reeves.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39- Goodbye, everybody! - Goodbye, Mr Reeves.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd