0:00:05 > 0:00:08'Here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff,
0:00:08 > 0:00:10'we explore any subject you desire
0:00:10 > 0:00:15'and deliver top-quality curious facts.'
0:00:17 > 0:00:19'On hand, our dedicated team,
0:00:19 > 0:00:21'Lovett, Teaparty,
0:00:21 > 0:00:24'Frazernagle on the calls, Wannamaker in the walls.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27'And, of course, Captain Length-Width.'
0:00:33 > 0:00:35'That's Miss Bracegirdle.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39'She's been sent by head office to investigate our work
0:00:39 > 0:00:41'and compile a report.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44'If we fail to impress, the Megaboss will shut the ministry down.'
0:00:47 > 0:00:50'Let's not dilly-dally, there's lots to do!
0:00:50 > 0:00:55'Welcome to The Ministry Of Curious Stuff.'
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Good morning, everybody!
0:00:57 > 0:00:59- Morning, Mr Reeves. - Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- Morning, Mr Reeves. - Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Miss Teaparty, what are the headlines?
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Well, Mr Reeves, there's
0:01:05 > 0:01:08a type of frog that croaks with a Norfolk accent.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09Croak, croak.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- The dots on a dice are called pips.- Pip, pip.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14And what's that you've got on your hand?
0:01:14 > 0:01:17I have nothing on my hand, as you can see.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18There's nothing on my...
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Oh! Hey! Oh! Hoo!
0:01:25 > 0:01:27- Ah, Length-Width.- Yes?
0:01:27 > 0:01:29- Length-Width.- Yes. - What have you been doing?
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Well, last night, I went and had my French lesson.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35- Really?- Yes.- I've been doing them French lessons as well.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Have you? I've been learning for five years,
0:01:37 > 0:01:38so I'm pretty much fluent...
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Well, I've been doing them for about six years,
0:01:41 > 0:01:42so I'm probably more fluent than you.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Really? You'll understand this, then.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48THEY SPEAK IN FRENCH:
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Mr Reeves!
0:01:57 > 0:01:58SHE SPEAKS IN FRENCH:
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- What is that she's speaking? - I don't know.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06You are already testing my patience.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Remember, it all goes in the report.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Shall we get to work?
0:02:09 > 0:02:11BELL DINGS
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Mr Frazernagle! Hi, Frazers.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Oh, morning, Mr Reeves!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Any calls coming through on the switchboard?
0:02:21 > 0:02:26Ooh, I have a splendid call coming through on line three.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- PHONE RINGS - Thank you.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Hello, this is Vic Reeves at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35How might I be of assistance to your forthcoming enquiry?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Hello, Mr Reeves. My name is Sophia
0:02:37 > 0:02:40and I'd like to know some curious stuff about the Queen.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Thank you, Sophia. Thank you very much. Goodbye!
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Goodbye.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Sophia wants to know some curious facts about the Queen.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50A right royal subject!
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Let's see what we can find out.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Right, people. Curious stuff about the Queen.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Well, I've got something here, sir.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06It's Her Majesty the Queen's custom to send her citizens
0:03:06 > 0:03:10a congratulatory message when they reach the ripe old age of 100.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11INTERCOM DINGS
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Royal messenger in H48, Mr Reeves.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15TRUMPETS TRUMPET
0:03:15 > 0:03:18By order of Her Majesty the Queen, I have a special
0:03:18 > 0:03:21telegram for a Miss Bracegirdle!
0:03:21 > 0:03:22SHE GASPS
0:03:22 > 0:03:26Ha! Well, I wouldn't have put you a day over 75.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Well, it does explain a lot, doesn't it?
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Many happy returns, dear.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Oh! Phew.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35False alarm.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37I'm not 100.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39It's just a telegram from the Queen saying she'll be
0:03:39 > 0:03:41visiting the ministry later today.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42Ah.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47THEY GASP
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Oh! Oh!
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Calm down! Calm down! Calm down, everybody!
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Calm down, calm down!
0:03:53 > 0:03:55We must prepare for the royal visit, but first,
0:03:55 > 0:03:58we need some curious Queen facts.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Here's something, Mr Reeves.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01All members of the Royal family
0:04:01 > 0:04:02have to have a British passport,
0:04:02 > 0:04:04including Prince Charles
0:04:04 > 0:04:05and Prince William,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07but, as a British passport is issued
0:04:07 > 0:04:10in the name of Her Majesty, the Queen doesn't need one.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Whoa, whoa, whoa! Behind the line.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- Passport.- Well, look at the face.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19One doesn't need one.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22One's face is one's passport.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25No passport, no entry.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29But I'm the Queen, the head honcho, the big cheese!
0:04:29 > 0:04:30Never heard of you.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Look! I'm on the money.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35You don't get on the money unless you're a Charlie big potatoes.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Well, that looks like a lady.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40I do look like the Queen.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Don't I?
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Barry! I can't believe we just met the Queen!
0:04:52 > 0:04:55OK, lads and lasses. Any more curious stuff on the Queen?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Well, Mr Reeves, the Queen has received many unusual gifts.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01She was once given two tortoises in the Seychelles,
0:05:01 > 0:05:04she's also been given an elephant called Jumbo and once,
0:05:04 > 0:05:07on a royal visit to Canada, she was gifted with two black beavers.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Blimey, imagine being given an animal every time you go on holiday.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12What does she do with them all?
0:05:12 > 0:05:14If I were her, I'd re-gift them as Christmas presents.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16No-one would ever know.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19- QUEEN:- Happy birthday, son.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22I absolutely, 100% did not forget
0:05:22 > 0:05:24it was your birthday and this
0:05:24 > 0:05:28is in no way the first thing that I grabbed out of the cupboard.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Thank you, Mummy!
0:05:31 > 0:05:34I do hope it's an MP3 player!
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Any more curious stuff on the Queen?
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Well, Mr Reeves, the Queen has a very curious alarm clock.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43The Queen is woken every morning by the Royal Piper.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Now, the Piper is a member of the household,
0:05:45 > 0:05:48whose principal duty is to play beneath the Queen's bedroom window
0:05:48 > 0:05:51every weekday at 9am for about 15 minutes.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53OK, more curious Queen facts.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Well, Mr Reeves, you might find this quite useful.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57In 2012, a Buckingham Palace chef
0:05:57 > 0:06:00revealed the Queen's favourite foods.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03According to him, she's especially fond of jam sandwiches,
0:06:03 > 0:06:05but she always has the crusts cut off.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Right, come on! More curious Queen facts.
0:06:08 > 0:06:13We need to know as much as possible prior to this royal visit.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Well, Mr Reeves, there's a lot of speculation
0:06:15 > 0:06:17about what the Queen keeps in her handbag.
0:06:17 > 0:06:22In 2007, it was reported Her Majesty uses it to carry family photos,
0:06:22 > 0:06:24breath mints and doggy treats.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Teaparty, where are you getting this from?
0:06:26 > 0:06:28I'm really struggling to verify this.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Length-Width, what do you keep in your handbag?
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Oh, you know, usual stuff.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Chewing gum,
0:06:36 > 0:06:38purse, spare purse,
0:06:38 > 0:06:40pencil,
0:06:40 > 0:06:42scampi in a basket and a couple of hedgehogs.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44How about you?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Chewing gum, lippy,
0:06:46 > 0:06:48microscope, massive quill,
0:06:48 > 0:06:49purse,
0:06:49 > 0:06:51jar of gravel,
0:06:51 > 0:06:53herring.
0:06:53 > 0:06:54Oh, I forgot to pack the herring!
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Oh, that's a shame.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Would have come in handy later.
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Oh, there's more!
0:06:59 > 0:07:02It's rumoured the Queen has a secret handbag code,
0:07:02 > 0:07:05and apparently if she switches arms,
0:07:05 > 0:07:07her servants know she's ready to leave
0:07:07 > 0:07:09and if she sets the bag on the floor,
0:07:09 > 0:07:11she finds the conversation boring.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Oooh! Well, actually, I know all about that
0:07:14 > 0:07:16and Her Majesty's got loads more codes.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20In fact, this is Her Majesty's secret handbag code book,
0:07:20 > 0:07:23which contains literally thousands upon thousands
0:07:23 > 0:07:25of secret handbag signals.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Oh, Mr Reeves.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Allow me to demonstrate.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Length-Width, are you ready?
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Handbag on head means,
0:07:35 > 0:07:36"Feed me jam."
0:07:37 > 0:07:40The handbag lasso means,
0:07:40 > 0:07:42"I want to fight a film star."
0:07:42 > 0:07:44This one, here, means,
0:07:44 > 0:07:47"Quick, hide, Prince Charles is coming."
0:07:47 > 0:07:51And, finally, the handbag waft means,
0:07:51 > 0:07:52"I can smell onions."
0:07:52 > 0:07:55In fact, I can smell onions, can you?
0:07:55 > 0:07:56Is that you, Bracegirdle?
0:07:56 > 0:07:59THEY LAUGH
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Very funny, I don't think!
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Shall we press on?
0:08:02 > 0:08:06It's time to extract these royal facts.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08'Dear Sophia, I'm delighted to enclose
0:08:08 > 0:08:11'some curious stuff about the Queen.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12'We found out that...'
0:08:25 > 0:08:27'And apparently,
0:08:27 > 0:08:30'the Queen has a secret handbag code,
0:08:30 > 0:08:32'but it's only a rumour.
0:08:32 > 0:08:37'So, that's curious stuff about the Queen. What's next?'
0:08:37 > 0:08:40The Queen won't be here for a few hours yet,
0:08:40 > 0:08:42so we've still got some more time
0:08:42 > 0:08:44for some more curious stuff.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Any callers on the switchboard, please, Mr Frazernagle.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50There's a fantastic call coming through on line four.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51I'll put you through now.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53- PHONE RINGS - Thank you.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57Hello, this is Vic Reeves 'ere at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00How might I be of service to your investigation?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Hello, Mr Reeves. My name is Dahria
0:09:02 > 0:09:06and I'd like to know some curious stuff about chocolate.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Ooh, how interesting, Dahria.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Thank you very much. Goodbye.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13Dahria would like to know some curious stuff about chocolate.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Oh, chocolate!
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Captain Length-Width, you like a chocolate, don't you?
0:09:23 > 0:09:25I love chocolate, Mr Reeves.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27And I've got to come clean and tell you
0:09:27 > 0:09:30that I've had a couple of your chocolate buttons.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Where did you get them from?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Out of your sewing kit.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Yeah. They were real buttons.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39You know, I thought they were a little bit hard. I cracked a tooth.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Actually, what about my liquorice bootlaces?
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Yes, I have had a couple of those. - Where did you find them?
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- In your shoebox.- Anything else you'd like to admit to?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49- I had one of your chocolate logs. - Where did you find that?
0:09:49 > 0:09:51In the woodshed.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Hmm, right. OK, let's move on.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Curious stuff about chocolate, please!
0:09:55 > 0:09:59Well, Mr Reeves, Valentine's Day in Japan is all about
0:09:59 > 0:10:00giving chocolate to men.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Women give chocolates not only to their valentine,
0:10:03 > 0:10:06but also as a gift of friendship
0:10:06 > 0:10:09to male bosses, colleagues and friends.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11VIC COUGHS
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Right, ladies.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15If you would care to give
0:10:15 > 0:10:19some chocolates to your wonderful boss,
0:10:19 > 0:10:21I'll just leave this box here
0:10:21 > 0:10:23and you can just pop them in there, OK?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25No pressure. No pressure, ladies.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27No pressure whatsoever.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30There's the box, no pressure.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33OK, any curious facts about chocolate?
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Yes, Mr Reeves.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38This is very curious. Chocolate can come in some very weird flavours.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41These include bacon, mushroom and peanut butter
0:10:41 > 0:10:44and sweet Indian curry powder with coconut.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46I've been experimenting with chocolate flavourings.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Perhaps you'd like to be the first to try my range.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Nothing would give me greater pleasure, Mr Reeves!
0:10:52 > 0:10:53Well, here they are.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57- Why don't you try, for instance, this one?- Right, yes.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00- How's that?- What is it?
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Hair.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03HE SPITS OUT THE CHOCOLATE
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Freshly shaved from a dog this morning.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Not like it?
0:11:07 > 0:11:09- Try this one.- All right.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13What's that?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Again, hair.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Not like that one, either?
0:11:17 > 0:11:21Not keen on that? All right, that one.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23All right, as long as it's not hair.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Hmm. What's that?
0:11:29 > 0:11:30Hair.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32You cheeky, rotten liar!
0:11:32 > 0:11:36You said they were all different, but they're all the same.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38That's where you're wrong! Ha, ha, ha!
0:11:38 > 0:11:39For this one is blonde,
0:11:39 > 0:11:41this one is brunette
0:11:41 > 0:11:42and this one is ginger.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45All different and yet
0:11:45 > 0:11:48with the same subtle, furry, hairy goodness.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50MUFFLED RESPONSE
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Your tongue feels funny?
0:11:51 > 0:11:54That did happen to someone else I tried out the chocolates on.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57You'll be needing this.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Oh, and I'd use an anti-dandruff shampoo.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03OK, more chocolate facts, please.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07In 600 AD, Mayans used cocoa beans as money.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Ten beans would buy you a rabbit.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Oh, I'd like to meet one of these Mayan fellas.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13INTERCOM DINGS
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Mayan loading in X5, Mr Reeves.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Ah, Mayan bloke!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Hiya! Nice to see you!
0:12:21 > 0:12:25So, Mayan bloke, is it true that you used cocoa beans as currency?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Maybe. Depends who's asking.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Here, you look like a sophisticated fella!
0:12:30 > 0:12:32- Oh...- Want to buy a fish?
0:12:32 > 0:12:33Ah...
0:12:33 > 0:12:37I tell you what, I've got kipper, mullet, snapper, trout.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Actually, do you know what,
0:12:39 > 0:12:42I came out this morning without my herring!
0:12:42 > 0:12:44So, do you have a herring?
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Might have. That'll be 20 cocoa beans.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49You don't take biscuits, do you?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52What, have I got "Mug" written on my forehead, or what?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54It's chocolate.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Nice try, geezer.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59All right then, how about an after-dinner mint?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04That will do nicely.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- I thought so. - Pop it in the old thingy.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08- There you go.- Pop your number in there, I ain't looking.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Neither am I.
0:13:13 > 0:13:14Right, lovely.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Here you go, treacle.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18- It's red.- Course it is.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Matches your eyes. Nice doing business with ya!
0:13:23 > 0:13:25I've done him up like a kipper.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- Nice one, son.- Hmmm.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29More curious chocolate facts, please.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Christopher Columbus is said to have brought the first cocoa beans
0:13:32 > 0:13:37back to Europe from his visit to the Americas between 1502 and 1504.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Between 1502 and 1504?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41He could've said it was just after three o'clock!
0:13:41 > 0:13:43VIC AND LENGTH-WIDTH LAUGH
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Thank you.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46Mr Reeves, honestly.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Here's another fact for you.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51According to research, the Aztecs called it xocolatl,
0:13:51 > 0:13:53meaning warm or bitter liquid.
0:13:53 > 0:13:54A warm, bitter liquid?
0:13:54 > 0:13:58It sounds like what we get when it's Lovett's turn to make a cup of tea!
0:13:58 > 0:13:59VIC AND LENGTH-WIDTH LAUGH
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Thank you.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02I love chocolate.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05You know, Mr Reeves, one of the reasons we all love
0:14:05 > 0:14:08chocolate so much might be because it contains phenylethylamine.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09Same to you, duck.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Right. It's a chemical which mimics
0:14:11 > 0:14:13the brain chemistry of someone in love.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17It's true. The mere mention of chocolate sends ladies
0:14:17 > 0:14:19absolutely madly in love with me,
0:14:19 > 0:14:21which is why I suspect
0:14:21 > 0:14:23that this box here
0:14:23 > 0:14:26is filled to the brim
0:14:26 > 0:14:28with delicious, sweet...
0:14:37 > 0:14:38VIC KICKS BOX
0:14:38 > 0:14:42Ooh! Really! Right, any more chocolate facts, please?
0:14:42 > 0:14:45The most expensive sweet treat that we have found to date is
0:14:45 > 0:14:49a chocolate dessert costing a whopping £22,000.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52£22,000 for a chocolate?
0:14:52 > 0:14:54What's it got in it, a diamond?
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Well, yes, actually.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59It comes with a two-carat diamond and is coated with edible gold.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02I'd love to try a super-expensive dessert.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04INTERCOM DINGS
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Lovely choccy dessert waiting for you in B7, Mr Reeves.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Would you take a look at that!
0:15:17 > 0:15:20# Today, today Today is my birthday
0:15:20 > 0:15:23# And I'm going out for an ice cream sundae
0:15:23 > 0:15:27# Yumma, yumma, yumma, yumma Yumma, yum, yumma
0:15:27 > 0:15:29# Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
0:15:29 > 0:15:30# Et cetera
0:15:30 > 0:15:33# Chunky, crumbly ice cream sundae
0:15:33 > 0:15:36# Better watch out, cos I am hungry
0:15:36 > 0:15:39# Yumma, yumma, yumma, yumma Yumma, yummy
0:15:39 > 0:15:41# Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-lee
0:15:41 > 0:15:43# Et ceter-ee
0:15:43 > 0:15:45# Here comes a waiter with a cheque
0:15:45 > 0:15:47# Oi, oi, oi
0:15:47 > 0:15:49# I'm going to be sick
0:15:49 > 0:15:52# Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck Yucka, yucka, yuck, yucka
0:15:52 > 0:15:54# Hoy, hoy, hoy
0:15:54 > 0:15:56# And puff, puff, puff. #
0:15:56 > 0:15:58£22,000 for chocolate pudding!
0:15:58 > 0:16:00You're having a laugh, ain't ya?!
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Well, that's one for the photo album... I mean, report.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10You may be having fun now, but mark my words,
0:16:10 > 0:16:13the party will be over when the Megaboss reads this report!
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Now, let's extract the facts.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17'Dear Dahria,
0:16:17 > 0:16:20'I'm to enclose some curious stuff about chocolate.
0:16:20 > 0:16:21'We learnt...'
0:16:43 > 0:16:46'So, that's curious stuff about chocolate. What's next?'
0:16:46 > 0:16:48My dear Length-Width, how are the preparations
0:16:48 > 0:16:50coming along for the Queen's visit?
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Well, Mr Reeves, the jam sandwiches are finished,
0:16:53 > 0:16:57so all I need to do now is put on my best clothes and I'll be ready.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Good man.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01What are these here?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03These are the jam sandwiches.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Where's the middle bit gone?
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Mr Reeves, if you were listening earlier,
0:17:07 > 0:17:11you will have heard Lovett say the Queen enjoys her jam sandwiches
0:17:11 > 0:17:14with the crusts cut off, so voila!
0:17:14 > 0:17:16She doesn't eat the crust.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18She eats the middle bit with the bread and the jam.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- And where are they? - I'm not surprised she eats that bit,
0:17:21 > 0:17:23because those bits are delicious
0:17:23 > 0:17:25and I polished them off about 15 minutes ago,
0:17:25 > 0:17:27so I'd say they're probably about there now,
0:17:27 > 0:17:29or, with a clear run, maybe down there.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33You know what, sometimes I despair of you! Really, I do!
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Now, get back to your station...
0:17:36 > 0:17:38HIS NOSE POPS
0:17:38 > 0:17:40..and make some more sandwiches!
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Frazernagle, any callers on the line, please?
0:17:43 > 0:17:47I've got a wonderful call on line two.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49- PHONE RINGS - Thank you.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Hello, this is Vic Reeves at the Ministry Of Curious Stuff.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54How might I be of expedition to your venture?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Hello, Mr Reeves! My name is Rachaan
0:17:57 > 0:18:01and I'd like to know some curious stuff about the colour red.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Thank you, Rachaan. Goodbye.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Rachaan would like to know some curious facts
0:18:07 > 0:18:09about the colour red.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Length-Width. Colour red.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Now, doesn't that make you really angry?
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Yes, you know it does, Mr Reeves. Yes.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Better be careful with this subject.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Ooh! What's this here?
0:18:25 > 0:18:28A delicious red jellybean?
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Now, you look here, sir!
0:18:31 > 0:18:32- I will not have it!- You...
0:18:32 > 0:18:34A white one.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Oh, chill out about it, man.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38You know, nothing really matters at the end of the day.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Oh, pink.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Oh, I'm not sure what I think. Hmm.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Green?
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Oh, I'm so envious, because I want that jellybean!
0:18:47 > 0:18:50- Blue.- But I'm so sad
0:18:50 > 0:18:52because I'll never have it!
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Such confusion in one so young.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58Come on, curious facts about the colour red.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- I believe I can handle this one, Mr Reeves.- Really?
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Strawberries, the best of the berries - red.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09Postboxes, the best way to send a parcel,
0:19:09 > 0:19:11letter or little cake - red.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Red cars - you guessed it, yeah, they're red.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18The best things are red, because red is the best colour.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20It's got it all!
0:19:20 > 0:19:24Red is passion, red is excitement, red is danger,
0:19:24 > 0:19:27red is your brother, red is your best friend,
0:19:27 > 0:19:30red is a little old lady that you help across the road!
0:19:30 > 0:19:35In short, red is the best thing in the universe!
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- Yes!- Bravo! Bravo, old chap!
0:19:37 > 0:19:39- BRACEGIRDLE:- Mr Reeves!
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Do we really have to listen to any more of this?
0:19:42 > 0:19:46Captain Length-Width, thank you so much for an invigorating
0:19:46 > 0:19:48and most impassioned speech.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Oh, actually, I've got something red,
0:19:51 > 0:19:53this red herring that I bought earlier.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Well done, Mr Reeves. I told you that
0:19:55 > 0:19:57would come in handy a little later on.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Actually, Mr Reeves, according to Cambridge dictionaries,
0:20:00 > 0:20:03the definition of a red herring is a fact, idea or subject that
0:20:03 > 0:20:07takes people's attention away from the central point being considered.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Hmm. And what's the subject we're considering?
0:20:10 > 0:20:11The colour red.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15Exactly. So, let's not get distracted by this fish.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Right, any other facts on the colour red?
0:20:19 > 0:20:23There's an intriguing one here about a hippopotamus.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27When they perspire, their sweat turns red and acts as sunscreen.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Ha! You think that's weird, you should meet my mate Adrian.
0:20:30 > 0:20:31He squirts ink.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Isn't your mate Adrian a giant squid?
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Now, look here! He's not a giant squid.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39He's a medium-size squid who chooses to wear baggy clothes.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41- My mistake.- Oh, oh, Mr Reeves, Mr Reeves!
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Have you ever heard of the planet Mars?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Of course, I'm not a complete turnip!
0:20:46 > 0:20:48What's he talking about?
0:20:48 > 0:20:50- Mars.- Yeah.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52- It's a planet.- Right.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Anyway, did you also know Mars is also called the Red Planet?
0:20:55 > 0:20:56Why's that?
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Well, if you care to take a look
0:20:58 > 0:21:01you'll see that the planet has turned red and this is
0:21:01 > 0:21:03because there's a lot of iron in the soil
0:21:03 > 0:21:06and the atmosphere on Mars then causes this iron to rust,
0:21:06 > 0:21:08thus making the planet red.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11This is exactly how a nail might go rusty on Earth.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Oh, yes, but don't be fooled by the red colour.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16It is not a hot planet.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19In winter, it is -100 degrees
0:21:19 > 0:21:22and it's what is known as a hostile environment.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Really? A hostile environment?
0:21:24 > 0:21:25What's that mean?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Well, in outer space terms,
0:21:27 > 0:21:29a hostile environment is somewhere
0:21:29 > 0:21:31that cannot support living organisms,
0:21:31 > 0:21:33for example, somewhere with extreme temperatures,
0:21:33 > 0:21:37no air to breathe, where there's dust storms, lots of radiation...
0:21:37 > 0:21:40- OK. Any other stuff on the colour red?- Yes, Mr Reeves.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Red is the first colour you lose sight of at twilight.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Oh, Twilight!
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Twilight, one of the best films and books
0:21:48 > 0:21:50and everything ever!
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- Mr Reeves...- Miss Teaparty, have you seen the Twilight films?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Yes, of course, Mr Reeves. They're, like, mega!
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- Yeah, how many times have you seen them?- Like, 14 times.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Yeah, well, I've seen them a million, billion, squillion times.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Robert Pattinson, R-Patz,
0:22:04 > 0:22:07he is so dreamy!
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- Oh, you can say that again. - BRACEGIRDLE:- Mr Reeves!
0:22:10 > 0:22:14You know that that terrible juvenile vampire drivel is not to be
0:22:14 > 0:22:16discussed during ministry hours!
0:22:16 > 0:22:19I thought she would have been into it.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20She's one of the undead.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21LENGTH-WIDTH LAUGHS
0:22:21 > 0:22:23What was that, Mr Reeves?
0:22:23 > 0:22:26I said, "Do we know anything else about the colour red?"
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Well, Mr Reeves, recent research has revealed that a person or team
0:22:29 > 0:22:32wearing the colour red is more likely to win a physical contest
0:22:32 > 0:22:34than a person or team wearing another colour.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Yes, Mr Reeves.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39It suggests that wearing red makes you feel more powerful
0:22:39 > 0:22:43and that you're seen as more threatening by others.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Yes, red has an important but subtle influence
0:22:47 > 0:22:48on the way we think.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51That is quite threatening. Perhaps we should talk to an athlete.
0:22:51 > 0:22:52INTERCOM DINGS
0:22:52 > 0:22:56Top swimmer, Michael Flipper, waiting for you in H28, Mr Reeves.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Ah, hello. Mr Flipper.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Now then, you're top a swimmer.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04What do you think gives you the advantage?
0:23:04 > 0:23:08If I'm going to take gold, I need every advantage I can get.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Red makes you go faster, baby!
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Why don't you just wear a pair of red swimming trunks?
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Oh, man!
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Mr Reeves, here's an interesting fact about the colour red.
0:23:21 > 0:23:26Traditionally, dignitaries and royals walk on red carpets.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29- It dates back as far as ancient Greek times.- She's right, Mr Reeves.
0:23:29 > 0:23:35The red carpet was first mentioned in 485 BC in the Greek play, Agamemnon.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38It was said to be fit for only the feet of the gods.
0:23:38 > 0:23:43Nowadays, we use red carpets for VIPs, and the Queen!
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Ah, yes. Red carpet, we mustn't forget about that. The Queen.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48We need to get ready for the Queen. She'll be here any minute.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49Come on, chop chop.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Better go and put on my best party outfit!
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Right! Come on, everybody! It's totally exciting. Are we all set?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- Jam sandwiches? - Over there, Mr Reeves.- Excellent.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02- Red carpet?- Check!
0:24:02 > 0:24:04I've just finished painting the blue one red.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05How exciting!
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I can't believe that in a couple of seconds,
0:24:07 > 0:24:09we're actually going to meet the Queen.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11This is the most exciting day of my life!
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Actually, the second most exciting day of my life.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15There was this one time I ate a marvellous pie!
0:24:15 > 0:24:17TRUMPET FANFARE
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Right, she's here. Everybody, stay calm.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27- VOICEOVER:- This is her Majesty's inaugural visit to the Ministry.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Let's hope this goes well.
0:24:29 > 0:24:34She's being greeted by the Minister of Curious Stuff, Mr Reeves.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Renowned for being peculiar, as you can see.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41Oh dear, moving her handbag there, to signal she's ready to move on.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Cheers!
0:24:43 > 0:24:46Ah, there's the very stylish Miss Teaparty.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50The handbag arm switch again, showing her Majesty's had enough.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Next is Mr Lovett.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56A senior researcher at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59And if I'm not much mistaken, yes,
0:24:59 > 0:25:02that seems to be the handbag code for, "feed me jam".
0:25:04 > 0:25:06I'm not sure who this next person is,
0:25:06 > 0:25:10but he does seem very enthusiastic.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Oh dear, wafting the handbag.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Looking at my code book, it signals the smell of onions.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Yes, that's the Minister confirming it there.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22And just at the end there, Captain Norman Length-Width.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25I'm not sure what he's Captain of, exactly.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Oh, it's the handbag windmill. This is a disaster!
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Her footman clearly angry, there.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Yes, that's the Queen very quickly whisked away.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37- What's all that about?! - I don't know, Mr Reeves.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39What does THAT mean?
0:25:39 > 0:25:41I don't know, I'm going to have a look in the Queen's secret
0:25:41 > 0:25:44handbag codebook and find out, though.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48It says here, "I'm offended by that man's trousers"!
0:25:48 > 0:25:49Well, whose trousers?
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Well, it couldn't have been my trousers, I don't know
0:25:52 > 0:25:56whether any of you have noticed, but I'm not wearing any trousers!
0:25:56 > 0:25:57THEY GASP
0:25:57 > 0:25:59How could you?!
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Mr Reeves, will you calm down and have a sandwich?!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06- I'll give you a san.... Now, you look here!- You look here!
0:26:06 > 0:26:10- No, you look here! - Look here!- Mr Reeves!
0:26:10 > 0:26:13I'm thrilled that your little friend is so unpatriotic,
0:26:13 > 0:26:16but don't you think he'd better put his trousers back on!
0:26:16 > 0:26:19It's time to extract the facts.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Dear Rachaan, I'm delighted to enclose some curious stuff
0:26:24 > 0:26:26about the colour red.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28We found out that:
0:26:47 > 0:26:51That's curious stuff about the colour red.
0:26:51 > 0:26:52And there you have it!
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Fact extraction at its finest.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57- Thank you, Miss Bracegirdle. - No, no, no.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01Thank you, Mr Reeves. For my report gets stronger by the day.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04I can't wait to show the Megaboss this little lot.
0:27:04 > 0:27:10But, I must admit, we have extracted some wonderfully curious facts!
0:27:10 > 0:27:14Yes, well done, team. Some very, very good facts today.
0:27:14 > 0:27:15But now, it's time to go.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Don't forget to post our findings to our callers, please, Mr Reeves.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21- Thank you, Miss Teaparty.- And what are your plans tonight, sir?
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Well, do you know, tonight I'm just going to go home
0:27:24 > 0:27:26and get into my fairy pyjamas.
0:27:26 > 0:27:31I mean, I'm going to go home and feed my scary piranhas.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32Oooh!
0:27:36 > 0:27:38- Goodbye, everybody! - Goodbye, Mr Reeves.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd