0:00:00 > 0:00:02PHONE RINGS
0:00:06 > 0:00:10Here at the Ministry Of Curious Stuff, we explore any subject
0:00:10 > 0:00:14you desire and deliver top-quality curious facts.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19On hand, our dedicated team,
0:00:19 > 0:00:23Lovett, Teaparty, Frazernagle on the calls,
0:00:23 > 0:00:24Wannamaker in the walls.
0:00:24 > 0:00:28And, of course, Captain Length-Width.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36That's Miss Bracegirdle.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39She's been sent by head office to investigate our work
0:00:39 > 0:00:41and compile a report.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45If we fail to impress, the Mega Boss will shut the Ministry down!
0:00:47 > 0:00:51Let's not dilly-dally. There's lots to do.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Welcome to the Ministry Of Curious Stuff.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Good morning, everybody.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00- Morning, Mr Reeves.- Good morning Mr Reeves.- Morning, Mr Reeves.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Miss Teaparty, what are the headlines today?
0:01:05 > 0:01:11Well, Mr Reeves, we have learnt the Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Our bones are stronger than concrete.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17And, when tickled, rats laugh.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21- Rats laugh when they are tickled?- Yes.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Oh no, I think you'll find that's not quite correct.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28My rat never laughs when it's tickled. Look.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32That's because that's not a rat, Mr Reeves, it's a pear.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Hmm.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40My mother will have a surprise when she opens up her lunchbox.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42THEY LAUGH
0:01:42 > 0:01:46Mr Reeves, when you and your sidekick are quite ready,
0:01:46 > 0:01:48the working day has begun.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Very well. Thank you.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54OK.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03- Good morning, Mr Frazernagle. - Morning, Mr Reeves.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Any calls coming on the switchboard?
0:02:05 > 0:02:09There's a great caller on line two. Putting you through, Mr Reeves.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10PHONE RINGS
0:02:10 > 0:02:15Thank you. Hello, this is Vic Reeves at the Ministry Of Curious Stuff.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17How may I be of convenience to you?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Hello, Mr Reeves, my name is Jasmine
0:02:19 > 0:02:23- and I want to know some curious stuff about lies.- About lies?
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Thank you very much, Jasmine. How very delightful to talk to you.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31Thank you. Goodbye. Jasmine wants to know about lies.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33What do we know, Ministry?
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Length-Width, do you reckon you could spot a liar?
0:02:40 > 0:02:44- Yeah, I can spot a liar a mile off. - Yeah? You got the skills?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46I got the skills to pay the bills.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49My bros down at the bus shelter call me "The Lie Detector"
0:02:49 > 0:02:53because you've got to get up pretty early to get one past the captain.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57- Really?- About 5am.- OK, then. I'm going to offer you three sentences
0:02:57 > 0:03:00and you tell me which one is a lie.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03One, I think you're an incredibly handsome man.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07Two, I think you're a man of incredible intellect.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Number three, I absolutely adore your trousers.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- OK.- Which was the lie?
0:03:15 > 0:03:20- I certainly see something. - Which was the lie?- Ha ha!
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Nice try, Mr Reeves, but they are all, in fact, true!
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Ha ha ha! Brup!
0:03:27 > 0:03:32Boing! No, wrong, they were all lies!
0:03:32 > 0:03:35- What?!- Yes.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- You're a puffed up, chutney-faced pelican boy.- Yes, that's a given.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42But what, you don't like my trousers?
0:03:42 > 0:03:46I've been faking my trouser love for years. Truth hurts, don't it, kid?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Like a dagger to my heart.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Well, that was a bit of fun, wasn't it? Let's move on.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55What's the truth about lies?
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Mr Reeves, you were sort of right just then because the average
0:03:59 > 0:04:03person usually lies three times during a 10-minute conversation.
0:04:03 > 0:04:10- I knew that.- Did you?- No. There you are. Four lies in 10 minutes.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- But then again, I'm not your average person.- I am.- Are you?
0:04:13 > 0:04:15No, I'm lying!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17THEY LAUGH
0:04:17 > 0:04:21I think you're both perfectly average morons.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27Woman! So what else do we know about lies, then, people?
0:04:27 > 0:04:30It says here that some of the symptoms of lying include
0:04:30 > 0:04:32sweating, a sudden change of pitch,
0:04:32 > 0:04:36and avoiding the use of contracted words, so you might say,
0:04:36 > 0:04:39"I have not" instead of "I haven't."
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Sweating and contracted words.
0:04:42 > 0:04:47That might come in useful later. OK, any other facts on lies?
0:04:47 > 0:04:52Studies show animals also lie like Koko, the gorilla.
0:04:52 > 0:04:57Koko's handlers confronted her after she tore a steel sink off the wall.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01She then pointed and signed blaming her keeper, Kate.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05The ability to lie appears to be a sign of intelligence.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08A fibbing gorilla, now that's intriguing.
0:05:08 > 0:05:13Right, excuse me, I may be some time. Don't wait up for me.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14Give my dinner to the dog
0:05:14 > 0:05:17and the dog's dinner to Captain Length-Width.
0:05:17 > 0:05:22- What shall I do with Length-Width's dinner?- Release it into the wild.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- All right, Ken?- Hi.- Off to NASA?
0:05:27 > 0:05:29Yeah, packing my books.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Astrophysics, yeah!
0:05:35 > 0:05:38OWL HOOTS
0:05:42 > 0:05:45APPLAUSE
0:05:50 > 0:05:53VIC MAKES GORILLA NOISES
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Hello.
0:05:56 > 0:05:57Ah, um...
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Vic Reeves - Ministry Of Curious Stuff.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Koko, the gorilla. A gorilla. What can I do you for?
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- Have you ever told a lie?- Never!
0:06:07 > 0:06:11Was it you who caused a fuss and ripped that steel sink off the wall?
0:06:11 > 0:06:16- No, I didn't.- Right, unbeknownst to you, I just filmed you saying that.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Now, if we look back at the footage in super-mega slow motion...
0:06:19 > 0:06:24- SLOW MOTION SPEECH:- No, I did not.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Sweating, one of the signs of lying.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34Change of pitch and non-contracted words, also signs of lying.
0:06:34 > 0:06:39- Got you, you great big liar. - No, I am not. I'm not having it.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42I want a second opinion.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Welcome to the Jeremy Kyle show. I'm Jeremy Kyle.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48On today's show, another lie detector special.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Koko the gorilla has taken a lie detector test to prove
0:06:51 > 0:06:56once and for all that she did not trash that sink. Koko is on the show.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58APPLAUSE
0:06:58 > 0:07:00THEY BOO
0:07:02 > 0:07:07Koko, what have you got to say to the two pathetic nobodies over there?
0:07:07 > 0:07:11I would just like to draw a line under the whole sorry business
0:07:11 > 0:07:16so I can move on with my life and make people like them
0:07:16 > 0:07:18over there just shut up!
0:07:18 > 0:07:22- You shut up!- Shut up!- Shut up!
0:07:22 > 0:07:26Do you want to know what they said to my researchers before the show?
0:07:26 > 0:07:29They said that you're a silly smelly pants.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33Do you want to know what I think? You're a brave, wonderful gorilla
0:07:33 > 0:07:37and you're looking very lovely today. I'm Jeremy Kyle.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40What have you two little boys got to say for yourself?
0:07:40 > 0:07:44- At the end of the day, right... - Do you want to know what I think?
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Shut up!
0:07:46 > 0:07:51Let's have a look at these all-important lie detector results.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55We asked Koko the gorilla did she trash that sink?
0:07:55 > 0:08:00- The lie detector results... - Excuse me, Mr Kyle.- Oh, shut up!
0:08:00 > 0:08:04- Sorry, I just wanted to...- Shut up!
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- You do not interrupt the Jeremy Kyle show.- All I was trying to say...
0:08:07 > 0:08:13- Oh, shut up!- You know what, you can shut up yourself, Kyle!
0:08:13 > 0:08:17AUDIENCE GASPS
0:08:17 > 0:08:22- It's been proven that lie detector tests don't actually work.- What?
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Jeremy Kyle Show?
0:08:24 > 0:08:28Lie detectors only measure a variety of symptoms associated with
0:08:28 > 0:08:33telling lies. It's the operator who decides if it's a lie or not.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Well... That's all that ruined then.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Just rip up that. All my dreams.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- You OK, Jeremy Kyle Show? - Not really.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Without my lie detector test, there's no Jeremy Kyle Show.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50- It's all a bit pointless, isn't it? - Yeah.- Yeah.- Come on, boys.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55You take care, Jeremy Kyle Show.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59Do you think Mr Jeremy Kyle Show will be all right?
0:08:59 > 0:09:06- You know what, kid, I think he's going to be just fine.- Great.
0:09:06 > 0:09:13Jeremy Kyle may well be fine, but you two are going in the report.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17I suggest we extract the facts.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44So that's curious stuff about lies. What's next?
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Hey, Nagles, any calls on the switchboard?
0:09:47 > 0:09:52There's a caller with a question coming through on line three.
0:09:52 > 0:09:53Gotcha!
0:09:53 > 0:09:56PHONE RINGS
0:09:56 > 0:10:00Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry Of Curious Stuff.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04- How may I be of f-f-facilitation to your pursuit?- Hello, Mr Reeves.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05My name is Nik.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09I'd like to know stuff about curiously clever children.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Curiously clever children. I'll do what I can.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Thank you so much for your enquiries. Good day.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Right, curiously clever children.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27- Of course, you know I used to be a child prodigy.- Really?- Yes, yes.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- I was a genius at maths. - Were you?- Yes, I was.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33All right then, let's see if you've still got it.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- What's 55?- 55?
0:10:37 > 0:10:42- That's a number.- Oh, still there. - Thank you.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46- Egg.- That's a word.- Good!
0:10:46 > 0:10:48- Genius, you see.- Still there. - What about you?
0:10:48 > 0:10:53- Well, aged two, I was climbing Everest.- Really?
0:10:53 > 0:10:57- No. Aged two? I was too busy flying the space shuttle.- That's true.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Come on, people. Tell me some curious stuff about clever children.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05Well, Mr Reeves, there is Akrit Jaswal, the child surgeon.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Akrit developed a passion for science and anatomy
0:11:08 > 0:11:09at a very early age.
0:11:09 > 0:11:14Doctors at local hospitals allowed him to observe surgeries aged six,
0:11:14 > 0:11:19- performing his first surgery at seven.- Intriguing.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Sharp pointy thing.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Tropical juice.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28- My mum.- What?
0:11:28 > 0:11:33- CRIES:- I want my mum! I cut myself on the sharp pointy thing!
0:11:36 > 0:11:39OK, give me more curious facts on clever children.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Well, Mr Reeves, there was William James Sidis.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Now, he was very clever.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46He could read the newspaper before he was two.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48He could read eight languages
0:11:48 > 0:11:53- and had written numerous books by the time he was just seven.- I know.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56I've got a few of his books here.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58I Dun A Poo
0:11:58 > 0:12:02and I Dun A Poo 2 - The Return Of The Poo.
0:12:02 > 0:12:07Mr Reeves, please behave. We both know he didn't write those books.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10That's right, he didn't. I did.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14And my latest novel will be released next week.
0:12:14 > 0:12:19It's called I Dun A Poo, Part 3 - Poo In Space!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Let me guess. Someone does a poo in it?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23No, they don't. That's the twist.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Believe me, brother, it will blow your mind.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Moving quickly on. Any more facts about clever kids?
0:12:29 > 0:12:33The most famous brainy kid is Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36He learned to play the piano at three
0:12:36 > 0:12:38and composed his first pieces at five.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41What did he do at six o'clock, have his tea?
0:12:41 > 0:12:44HE LAUGHS
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Right, let's hear this genius.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Mini Mozart loaded in X1 for you, Mr Reeves.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53- Hello, everyone!- Hello, Mini Mozart.
0:12:53 > 0:12:58Hello, Mr Reeves.
0:12:58 > 0:13:03- All right, Mini Mozart. What are you up to?- Just knocking up a new song.
0:13:03 > 0:13:08- Lovely.- Do you want me to write you a song?- Me? Well, really?
0:13:08 > 0:13:14- Sure, give me a subject. - Um, cupcakes.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18# Cupcakes, cupcakes, we like the taste of cupcakes. #
0:13:18 > 0:13:22Absolute genius. Thank you, Mini Mozart.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26- Mind if I keep cracking on? - I would, yeah, thanks.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Cheers, Mini Mozart. He was so good.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- Extraordinary.- What a genius. What a talent.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36Right, any more facts on curiously clever children?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Well, Mr Reeves, Gregory Smith has been nominated
0:13:39 > 0:13:41twice for the Nobel Peace Prize.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45And the Nobel Peace Prize is the highest award given to those
0:13:45 > 0:13:47who promote peace and harmony in our world.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Barack Obama and the Dalai Lama have one each.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54And, along with helping children in East Timor, Brazil
0:13:54 > 0:13:58and Rwanda, Gregory has worked to build shelters for children in
0:13:58 > 0:13:59war zones all over the world.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Can you believe his first nomination came when he was just 12?
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Impressive. We could learn a lot from this young man,
0:14:06 > 0:14:09nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize twice.
0:14:09 > 0:14:14And that's why I've invited him here today to talk to us.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Peace prize nominee loaded for you in G1, Mr Reeves.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21FANFARE PLAYS
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Hello, yes, it's me. Hello.
0:14:26 > 0:14:33Er, you are Gregory Smith, two times Nobel Peace Prize nominee?
0:14:33 > 0:14:38No, I'm Geoffrey Smith, two times frozen peas prize-winner.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42- Frozen pea prize-winner, not Nobel Peace Prize?- No, no, no.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45I was awarded a prize for most likeable frozen pea
0:14:45 > 0:14:47in the northern counties.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Um, I think there's been a bit of a mix-up.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53- Really sorry about this. - No, it's all right.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57I mean, I'm a bit disappointed if I'm honest but I'm here now,
0:14:57 > 0:15:01so if anybody's got any questions that they'd like to ask me,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04you know, well, shoot.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Right, um...
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Yes.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Did...
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Anything at all, anyone?
0:15:16 > 0:15:18WIND BLOWS
0:15:18 > 0:15:20CLOCK TICKS
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Yeah, I... Um...
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Nothing? Nothing at all?
0:15:28 > 0:15:34I'm a frozen pea. I'm a giant talking frozen pea.
0:15:34 > 0:15:39And you've got nothing. It took me three buses to get here. Three.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46You know what, he was only nominated, your bloke, nominated. He didn't win.
0:15:46 > 0:15:51I was voted frozen pea most likely to succeed. Good day!
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Well, that's not going to work.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03I shall leave the way I came in.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06With grace, dignity and style.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Goodbye. Good day. Good day to you.
0:16:16 > 0:16:20- That was awkward.- Yes, it was. He left a damp patch on the seat.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24- I think he's starting to defrost. - I think so, yeah. Very awkward.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27OK, any more curiously clever kids facts?
0:16:27 > 0:16:28Well, Mr Reeves,
0:16:28 > 0:16:31there's a seven-year-old agony aunt called Elena.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35She was snapped up by her local radio station in Liverpool
0:16:35 > 0:16:39after she rang a phone-in and told a caller to go bowling with friends
0:16:39 > 0:16:42and drink a mug of milk to solve their problem.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46She sounds like she knows what she is talking about. Back in a tick.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Thanks for calling.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58PHONES RING
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Elena Hotline?
0:17:00 > 0:17:04Go bowling and have a hot mug of milk. Thanks for calling.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Hi, I'm Vic Reeves. I was wondering...
0:17:06 > 0:17:09I'll call you back.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Go on then, shoot, what's the problem?
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- Right, well, there's this woman where I work.- Yeah, yeah.
0:17:15 > 0:17:20- She's got it in for me. Treats me like an idiot.- Ah-hah.
0:17:20 > 0:17:25I just wondered if you knew what I could do to get her off my case?
0:17:25 > 0:17:31- Go bowling and have a hot mug of milk.- How's that going to help?
0:17:31 > 0:17:36Oh, is that the time? Do us a favour, fill in for us, could you? Cheers.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38But I'm not qualified.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Just tell them to go bowling and have a hot mug of milk.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44That usually does the trick. Thanks, bye!
0:17:46 > 0:17:49What does all this lot do then?
0:17:49 > 0:17:52PHONE RINGS
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Hello, Elena Hotline. How can I help you?
0:17:57 > 0:18:02Hello, yes, I've just eaten my boss' secret biscuit collection.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06How can I reverse time so it never actually happened?
0:18:06 > 0:18:11- Go bowling and have a hot cup of milk?- Thank you.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17PHONE RINGS
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Hello, Elena Hotline, how can I help you?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Yes, I'm worried that the people I work with have started to
0:18:23 > 0:18:28notice that I don't actually have a real moustache. Whatever can I do?
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Well, the best thing to do is probably go bowling
0:18:31 > 0:18:33- and have a hot mug of milk. - OK, thank you.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37PHONE RINGS
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Hello, Elena Hotline, how can I help you?
0:18:39 > 0:18:43- 'I have a very serious problem.' - Yes, and what's that?
0:18:43 > 0:18:46- SHOUTS:- If you don't get back here sooner than immediately
0:18:46 > 0:18:48it's going in the report!
0:18:48 > 0:18:51DIALLING TONE
0:18:57 > 0:18:59You two look rather relaxed.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Mr Reeves, we've had the times of our lives.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04We went bowling with friends.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Yes, and now we're just enjoying a nice hot mug of milk.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10That Elena really is a genius, eh, Mr Reeves?
0:19:10 > 0:19:14Well, you know, all our very clever children are all amazing.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Yes, I believe the children are our future.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Teach them well and let them lead the way.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31# The children of the future will have massive heads
0:19:31 > 0:19:32# And pointed shoes
0:19:32 > 0:19:36# Kids from time to come have magnetic hands, let me introduce
0:19:36 > 0:19:40# The child from tomorrow, yeah
0:19:40 > 0:19:41# Look at them run
0:19:44 > 0:19:48# The child of the future plays flutes made from sausages
0:19:48 > 0:19:52# Wear clothes made from pottery and ride around on ostriches
0:19:52 > 0:19:55# The child from tomorrow, yeah
0:19:55 > 0:20:00# The children of the future, yeah
0:20:00 > 0:20:04# There's nothing that we can do
0:20:04 > 0:20:08# It's the future of me and you
0:20:08 > 0:20:16# They've got massive heads and pointed shoes
0:20:16 > 0:20:20# Children of the future, yeah. #
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Ha ha ha, what a racket!
0:20:26 > 0:20:30The Ministry will have no future if you lot carry on like this.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33It's all going in the report.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36For now. Let's extract the facts.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00That's curiously clever children, so what's next?
0:21:00 > 0:21:04Master Frazernagle, any calls on the switchboard, please?
0:21:04 > 0:21:08There's a call on line one, Mr Reeves. I'll connect you presently.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Thank you.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry Of Curious Stuff.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17How can I be of benefit to you in your forthcoming matter?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Hello, Mr Reeves.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23My name is Lauren and I'd like to know some curious stuff about water.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27Thank you very much, Lauren, I shall try my utmost. Thank you. Goodbye.
0:21:27 > 0:21:32Lauren wants to know some curious facts about water.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40- Length-Width.- Yes.- Have you ever had any interest in water?
0:21:40 > 0:21:44- Have you paddled in the sea? - No, don't be so disgusting!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46I've never paddled in the sea in all my life!
0:21:46 > 0:21:51- I've piddled in the sea but that's a different matter.- You're outrageous!
0:21:51 > 0:21:52Yes, I am.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56Miss Teaparty, any interesting facts on water that you can divulge?
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Well, Mr Reeves, some rather shocking news here.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Donkeys are not waterproof.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:22:05 > 0:22:08NO! NO! Tell me it's not true!
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Is this some kind of sick joke?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Something's got to be done about this.
0:22:14 > 0:22:19Put on this public information film I recorded seven seconds ago
0:22:19 > 0:22:21- and make it snappy.- Yes, boss.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28'Hey, you. Yes, you. Are you a donkey?
0:22:28 > 0:22:31'Did you know you're not waterproof?
0:22:31 > 0:22:34'Well, you're not, so get used to it.'
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Well, if that doesn't stop a donkey from getting soaked
0:22:41 > 0:22:45I really don't know what else will.
0:22:45 > 0:22:50Miss Teaparty, any more interesting and curious facts on water?
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Well, about two thirds of the human body is water
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- and some parts have more water in them than others.- Really?
0:22:56 > 0:23:01For example, between 60-70% of the human brain is water.
0:23:01 > 0:23:06The brain, you say? We can put that to the test. Length-Width!
0:23:06 > 0:23:11- What?- Stand here before me. Take off your hat and let's examine your nut.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12Yes, sire.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16CAR KEY BLEEPS
0:23:17 > 0:23:19DOOR CREAKS
0:23:22 > 0:23:25And there it is.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Very modest indeed. Thanks, kid.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01DOOR CREAKS SHUT
0:24:01 > 0:24:02CAR KEY BLEEPS
0:24:02 > 0:24:04So, how do you feel now, son?
0:24:04 > 0:24:07TALKS GIBBERISH
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Oh, he's gone back to factory settings.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12I suppose I should call the helpline,
0:24:12 > 0:24:15but let's have another watery fact first.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19You know how when your hands go all wrinkly in the bath?
0:24:20 > 0:24:24Who told you about my fingers going wrinkly in the bath?
0:24:24 > 0:24:26It's a personal matter. Are you spying on me?
0:24:26 > 0:24:31Mr Reeves, everybody's fingers go wrinkly in the bath, not just you.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Yes, Mr Reeves,
0:24:33 > 0:24:36research suggests our hands go wrinkly in the bath
0:24:36 > 0:24:40because our skin cells only hold a certain amount of water
0:24:40 > 0:24:43before they buckle so our fingers aren't shrivelled
0:24:43 > 0:24:45just filled with excess water.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Oh.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56And this doesn't happen to the rest of our body
0:24:56 > 0:25:00because it's covered by a wax-like layer called keratin.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Keratin is worn away on our hands
0:25:02 > 0:25:04and feet allowing the water into the cells.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08I know all about keratin and it's a shame you can't wear the keratin
0:25:08 > 0:25:12from the rest of your body. I should know, I've tried.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Why would you want to do something as ridiculous as that?
0:25:15 > 0:25:20Because I love wrinkles. I find them, A, cool.
0:25:20 > 0:25:25And, B, they make you look wise which is why I developed this.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29- And what's that? - Vic Reeves' Pro-Wrinkle.
0:25:29 > 0:25:34You need never have smooth skin again. Allow me to demonstrate.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Volunteer appearing in X5, Mr Reeves.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43And here's my beautiful model to demonstrate.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Apply liberally like there's no tomorrow.
0:25:56 > 0:26:01Cover with a warm towel and, before you know it, instant results!
0:26:02 > 0:26:05SHE SCREAMS
0:26:06 > 0:26:08I don't know what her problem is.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11You love using this stuff, don't you?
0:26:11 > 0:26:12THEY LAUGH
0:26:12 > 0:26:17I'll pretend I didn't hear that, Mr Reeves. Let's extract the facts.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39That's curious stuff about water.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42And that is what you call fact extraction.
0:26:42 > 0:26:47- Thank you, Miss Bracegirdle.- No, no, no, no, no, thank YOU, Mr Reeves.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50What a busy day it has been.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54There's been some non-work-related shenanigans that have
0:26:54 > 0:26:56obviously gone in the little report here.
0:26:56 > 0:27:01But we have also found some curiously wonderful facts.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04We have discovered some curiously wonderful facts
0:27:04 > 0:27:06but now it's time to go.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Don't forget to post our findings to our callers.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- I won't, Miss Teaparty. - What are you up to tonight, sir?
0:27:12 > 0:27:16I'm off home to play dress ups. I mean, do some press ups.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20I'm going to do some press ups. I'm going home to do my press ups.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21Good night, Mr Reeves.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26- Goodbye, everybody. - Goodbye, Mr Reeves.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd