0:00:02 > 0:00:03TELEPHONE RINGS
0:00:06 > 0:00:08'Here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff,
0:00:08 > 0:00:10'we explore any subject you desire.
0:00:10 > 0:00:14'And deliver top-quality curious facts.'
0:00:14 > 0:00:17ALL SHOUT OUT
0:00:17 > 0:00:21'On hand, our dedicated team, Lovett, Teaparty,
0:00:21 > 0:00:24'Frazernagle on the calls, Wannamaker in the walls.
0:00:24 > 0:00:28'And of course, Captain Length-Width.'
0:00:34 > 0:00:36'That's Miss Bracegirdle.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39'She's been sent by head office to investigate our work
0:00:39 > 0:00:41'and compile a report.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45'If we fail to impress, the Mega Boss will shut the ministry down.'
0:00:48 > 0:00:51'Let's not dilly dally! There's lots to do.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54'Welcome to The Ministry of Curious Stuff.'
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Good morning, everybody!
0:00:56 > 0:00:59- Good morning, Mr Reeves! - Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- Morning, Mr Reeves. - Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04What are the headlines today?
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Well, a rhinoceros's horn is made of compacted hair.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- Carrots used to be purple.- Really?
0:01:09 > 0:01:13- And your middle finger nail grows the fastest.- Really?
0:01:13 > 0:01:17I'm not sure I can believe that. That sounds a bit far-fetched to me.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24- Length-Width!- Aaaah!
0:01:24 > 0:01:26WHISPERS
0:01:26 > 0:01:29- A party?!- Whist, lad!
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Don't tell Bracegirdle that we're having a party in the Ministry,
0:01:33 > 0:01:37- or we'll all be in big trouble. - Got it!- Good.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Mr Reeves, what are you whispering about?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43We're having a party later!
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Oh!
0:01:45 > 0:01:49- Oh, are we having a party?! - Shush! Whisht, lass!
0:01:49 > 0:01:51We're having a party later on.
0:01:51 > 0:01:56But don't let Bracegirdle know or we'll all be in big trouble.
0:01:56 > 0:02:01- Oh, right! Hooray!- Hooray!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Mr Reeves...
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Yes, Mistress?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07I can hear you.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09- Pardon?- I said, I can hear you.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13And you mark my words, if you throw a party on Ministry property,
0:02:13 > 0:02:15there'll be big trouble!
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Now, if you don't get to work immediately,
0:02:17 > 0:02:19it's going in the report!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21And the Mega Boss will not be happy.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Bofff! RINGS BELL
0:02:29 > 0:02:33- Mr Frazernagle! - Oh, morning, Mr Reeves.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Any calls coming through on the switchboard?
0:02:35 > 0:02:40Oh, there's a call on line one. Putting you through, Mr Reeves.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Thank you.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46Hello, this is Vic Reeves here, at The Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49How might I be of usage to your point at issue?
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Hello, Mr Reeves.
0:02:50 > 0:02:55My name is Jeanay. And I want to know some stuff about curious homes.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Very good, Jeanay. Thank you very much for your enquiry.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03I shall do my utmost. Thank you. Good day.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08Jeanay wants to know some curious stuff about curious homes.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Let's see what we can do.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16So, what have we got?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Well, Mr Reeves,
0:03:18 > 0:03:22a man spent nearly 18 years living in an airport in Paris.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24He was caught up in a legal battle which meant
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- that he couldn't leave the airport. - I could live in an airport.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31I mean, all the chocolates in the duty-free shop!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Yeah, and drink all the aeroplane milk,
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- freshly squeezed from the plane that morning.- Yes!
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Hang on. What do you mean, aeroplane milk?
0:03:39 > 0:03:40Oh, come on, Mr Reeves.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Don't tell me you've never milked an aeroplane?
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- Length-Width, you can't milk an aeroplane.- Yes, you can.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47You just grab it by the udders and squeeze.
0:03:47 > 0:03:52- An aeroplane doesn't have udders. It's an aeroplane!- Are you sure?- Yes.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Then what have I been drinking?
0:03:54 > 0:03:57I really, really, don't ever, ever want to know.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Right, come on, what other facts have we got about curious homes?
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Well, Mr Reeves, in Japan in 2008,
0:04:05 > 0:04:09a woman was found living inside a tiny cupboard in a man's house.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11She had lived there undetected for almost a year!
0:04:11 > 0:04:14What kind of sherbet-based idiot wouldn't know
0:04:14 > 0:04:16if there was someone living in a cupboard in their house?!
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Must be a proper Ninny Norman!
0:04:18 > 0:04:19THEY LAUGH
0:04:19 > 0:04:22- A Harry Halfwit!- Yeah!
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- An Alan Fool!- Edwin Gravy Boat!
0:04:26 > 0:04:30- Gregory Ploppy Bott! - Terry Twaddle!
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Dr Dozyo!
0:04:32 > 0:04:36- Jonathan Just-Doesn't-Get-It! - Bill McNoodles!
0:04:36 > 0:04:40- Mitchell McDollop.- Bert Brown-Log!
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Ah! That was a bit of fun, wasn't it?
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Great fun. Oh, dear, dear.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Unbelievable.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- Thank you, Master.- Thank you.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Right, come on. Any other curious fact about curious homes?
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Oh, listen to this.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58A doctor once examined a nine-year-old boy
0:04:58 > 0:05:01who was experiencing faint popping sounds in his ear.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04The doctor discovered he had two spiders living in there,
0:05:04 > 0:05:07walking around on his eardrum.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Now, that is a curious place to live.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Hang on a minute, Length-Width,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14haven't you got a couple of spiders living in your ear hole?
0:05:14 > 0:05:15- Do you mean Tom and Carol?- Yes.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- Yes, well, they've just come back, actually.- Really?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- Yes, they've come home. - Could I take a look?
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Oh please, be my guest.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25So, what is it you are after?
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Well, we're thinking about knocking through and building an extension.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Maybe a games room for when the lads come around.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33Well, we'll see about that!
0:05:33 > 0:05:36And over there, we'd like a kitchen, with a breakfast bar.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37Do you think you could do that?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Yeah, of course I can. There's tons of room in here.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42I mean, look at that view there, as well. You can see right through.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45And listen to the echo. Echo!
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Echo! Echo! >
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Oh, lovely.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Well, they seem like a lovely couple.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54Trust me, they're a nightmare. They're always late paying the rent.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57OK, any more curious facts about curious homes?
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Well, Mr Reeves, there have been reports of the Great Barrier
0:06:01 > 0:06:06pearl fish living in a sea cucumber's bottom.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10SHE GASPS
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Oooh, Miss E!
0:06:12 > 0:06:14SNIGGERS
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Cucumber in H6, Mr Reeves.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Let's have a look, see what we've got.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25- Well, I can't really see anything. - What are you doing?
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Erm, I beg your pardon?
0:06:29 > 0:06:32I said, what do you think you're doing?
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Erm, having a look in your bottom.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36My bottom? Why?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38I wanted to see if there was a fish in there.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42And in what part of your tiny mind did you think it was OK
0:06:42 > 0:06:44to do that, before talking to me first?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Sorry, it was a kind of a spur of the moment thing.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50I just heard that some sea cucumbers have fish living in their behinds.
0:06:50 > 0:06:56Listen to me, I am not a sea cucumber! I am just a cucumber!
0:06:56 > 0:06:59I don't live in the sea. I don't like the sea.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- I don't even own a pair of trunks. - I'm sorry! I'm really sorry.
0:07:02 > 0:07:07- It will never happen again. Sorry! - By the way, that's not my face.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Sorry.
0:07:14 > 0:07:20Oh, Miss Teaparty! That sea cucumber was very intimidating.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Have you got any more curious facts on curious homes?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Well, here's something, Mr Reeves.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Hermit crabs are able to choose their favourite shell,
0:07:27 > 0:07:30set up home in it, and move it as they grow.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I'm going to have to have a word with my friend, Steve, about this.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- Right, Ken, science book, is it? - Shush! I'm trying to read!
0:07:58 > 0:08:00SHRIEKS AND CHATTERS
0:08:05 > 0:08:09- Steve!- As I live and breathe! Vic Reeves! Long-time, no see!
0:08:09 > 0:08:10What can I do for you?
0:08:10 > 0:08:14I've heard that hermit crabs change home as they grow, right?
0:08:14 > 0:08:17That's right. We can pick any old shell and move in.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19It doesn't even have to be a shell.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Us hermit crabs will live in anything. We're not fussy!
0:08:22 > 0:08:25See, there's Gordon. He's just set up home inside a tuba.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27All right, Gordon?
0:08:27 > 0:08:28PARPS
0:08:28 > 0:08:30All right, Gordon?
0:08:32 > 0:08:33Oh, and there's my mate, Claire.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35She's completely refurbished her home.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- Hello!- Love what you've done with the place, Claire.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Anyway, Steve, I couldn't help but notice, but you're homeless.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47You're spot on there, Vic. I'm looking for a place at the moment.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- So if you hear of anything, let us know.- Mmm. Right, Steve.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Follow me, I'm sure we've got something for you at the Ministry.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54OK!
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Right, Steve, come on. Let's have a butcher's hook.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05There's got to be something for you to live in round here.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Have a look in the drawers. Oh, hello! A yak's horn.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11How about living in that?
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- No?- No.- Not interested? Right, ah!
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Luxury and quite formal.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21- What about that? Any good? Not good enough?- No.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Well, I'm afraid that's all I've got in my drawers.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27Wait a minute, Length-Width, let me just have a look over here
0:09:27 > 0:09:33- and see what he's got.- Hang on a sec! This is perfect!- Open it!- No!
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- I've got a potential sale here!- No! No! He's not living in here!
0:09:36 > 0:09:42This is just the ticket! Oh, is that a hot tub? Can I?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44I don't know, can you? Steve?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Steve! Steve, where are you? Steve!
0:09:48 > 0:09:50KNOCKING
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Oh!
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Vic! I love it! I'll take it.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Another satisfied customer!
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Mr Reeves - I'd like to remind you renting out Ministry furniture
0:10:01 > 0:10:04as living space is against company rules.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06This is a place of work!
0:10:06 > 0:10:09It's time to extract the facts.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12"Dear Jeanay - I'm delighted to enclose some stuff
0:10:12 > 0:10:14"about curious homes.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17"We found a man who spent nearly 18 years
0:10:17 > 0:10:19"in an airport in Paris..."
0:10:38 > 0:10:41"Curious Homes - facts extracted!"
0:10:42 > 0:10:46- Welcome to the Ministry canteen. - Good morning, Mrs Dollop.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48It's "Do-lope!"
0:10:48 > 0:10:51- What can I get for you, sweetheart? - I'd like some soup.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Tony - so-oup!
0:10:53 > 0:10:56- TONY GROWLS - No, that's a tin of corned beef.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58TONY SNAPS
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- PLATE RATTLES ON FLOOR - No, that's a pork chop.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- TONY GRUNTS - Do I have to do everything?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Second shelf, packet, says "soup" on it!!
0:11:06 > 0:11:07TONY YELPS
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Did you know that every time you lick a stamp,
0:11:11 > 0:11:14you're consuming 5.9 calories!
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- Ah!- I know! Special stamps are 14.5!
0:11:17 > 0:11:19TONY GRUNTS
0:11:21 > 0:11:24That...is soap, Tony.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26- TONY GRUNTS - She asked for soup!
0:11:26 > 0:11:29- You hairy apeth! - TONY YELPS
0:11:31 > 0:11:33I'm sorry - kitchen's closed for training.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35BELL RINGS
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Tony!!!
0:11:37 > 0:11:38TONY YELPS
0:11:38 > 0:11:39Psss!
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Psss! Psss! Psss!
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Psss! Psss! Pssst! Pss-ssst!
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- Length-Width, Length-Width, over here!- What?
0:11:46 > 0:11:48- Pssst!- What?!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Have you seen this?
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- Wowee!- Yeah...- Mr Reeves, that's an impressive cake.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56- Did you make it?- Well, obviously not,
0:11:56 > 0:11:59- but I'm going to tell everyone I did.- Obviously!- It's for the party.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01- Ooh, the party, of course!- Sshhh!
0:12:03 > 0:12:06I've got some very important people coming.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- I know people all around the world. - Do you?
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- Yes, I do.- Really? - And when they see this ca...
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- Where's the cake gone?- It's gone, Mr Reeves.- Where's the cake gone?
0:12:15 > 0:12:18- What are you going to do? It's gone. - I don't know. Ah -
0:12:18 > 0:12:22there's the emergency sausag... Where's the emergency sausages gone?
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- Now we're in a pickle. - I love pickle!
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Mr Reeves, can I suggest you get on with some work
0:12:28 > 0:12:32before I put your party planning in my report?
0:12:32 > 0:12:35- Ministry rules clearly state... - Miss Bracegirdle! Will you stop
0:12:35 > 0:12:39going on about parties? Always going on about parties!
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Some of us round here have got some work to do.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- Thank you very much. Mr Frazernagle... - PHONE RINGS
0:12:45 > 0:12:48please tell me there's a caller on the line.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51I've got a call coming through on line four.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53You know what to do, Mr Reeves!
0:12:53 > 0:12:55PHONE RINGS
0:12:55 > 0:13:00Hello-o-o. This is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff -
0:13:00 > 0:13:03how might I be of facilitation in this matter?
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Hello, Mr Reeves. My name is Luke, and I want to know some stuff
0:13:07 > 0:13:09about the curious food we will eat in the future.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Thank you very much, Luke. Thanks.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15All the best. Cheers. Ba-aye!
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Luke wants to know what kind of food we might eat in the future.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Let's see what we can find.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28- The future!- Future! - Can you see into the future?
0:13:28 > 0:13:31- I can see into YOUR future. - You can?- Yes, all I have to do
0:13:31 > 0:13:35is look into my crystal ball here, located under my pants.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37- Mystic!- Yes!
0:13:37 > 0:13:41- Now - in the future, you will go on a very short journey.- Yes?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43- A life-changing journey.- Yes?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- And after this journey is over, you will feel great relief!- Yes?
0:13:46 > 0:13:49You will let go of things you've been holding onto for a long time!
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- Where...where does this journey take me?- It takes you
0:13:52 > 0:13:54through this door, down the corridor,
0:13:54 > 0:13:57- and then second on the right. - That's the toilet!
0:13:57 > 0:13:59- Yes.- Now, you look here! - You look here!
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- Now, you look here! - You look here!- You look here!
0:14:01 > 0:14:05- THEY BOTH BLOW RASPBERRIES - Right - curious facts about future food...!
0:14:05 > 0:14:10Well, Mr Reeves - in 1932, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill
0:14:10 > 0:14:13predicted we'd be growing cuts of meat in 50 years' time.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Well, in 2012,
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Dutch scientists managed to grow a strip of meat in the lab.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22They hope to grow a full hamburger later this year.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Well, I say, if you're going to grow burgers,
0:14:25 > 0:14:28you do it the old-fashioned way.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32- WEST COUNTRY ACCENT:- Here I've got a lovely burger bush.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Now, that would liven up any garden!
0:14:35 > 0:14:38There's a wonderful, bountiful crop on here.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42There's one there, just starting to sprout its buns.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47Now, Captain Length-Width, how are those sausage trees coming along?
0:14:47 > 0:14:51I've just, er, just planted the seeds now, Mr Reeves.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55And, er, give it a little sprinkle 'ere.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- That's gravy, right?- That's right. Not too much at this stage.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01And then we should start to see this sausage
0:15:01 > 0:15:04in about two to three months, in the spring -
0:15:04 > 0:15:06bootiful.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08The tree'll start to sausage in the spring, then, will it?
0:15:08 > 0:15:11That's right, it'll start to sausage in the spring.
0:15:11 > 0:15:16- It'll be bootiful.- OK. Any more facts about future foods?
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Er, well, Mr Reeves - in 2001,
0:15:19 > 0:15:22a Japanese farmer grew square water melons.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25The fruit stacked up very neatly on market shelves.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28However, the price, not so juicy, as they cost about £50 each.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Uugh! Square water melons, you say?
0:15:31 > 0:15:33They'd go down very well at my party.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Perhaps we should get this farmer fella in.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39DOORBELL RINGS Square water melon farmer - inset 32.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- AMERICAN ACCENTS:- Good day, sir!
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Can I have half a dozen square water melons?
0:15:45 > 0:15:49- Sure. Er, that will be £300. - £300 for six water melons?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Yeah! What do you expect? They were £50 each!
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- You do the math! - Have you got anything cheaper?
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Er, sure. I've got a...
0:15:58 > 0:16:00- triangular banana.- No, thanks.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Er, OK, sure. What about a hexagonal lemon?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- No way!- No? Fine, suit yourself.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08OK, these are going to blow your mind. Round oranges.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Not really... Wait a minute!
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Oranges are already round!
0:16:13 > 0:16:15What? Oh, my gosh - where are you from?!
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Next thing you'll telling me apples grow on trees!
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Apples grow on trees!
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Really? Right, any more facts on how people might eat in the future?
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Oh, well, sticking with farmers, Mr Reeves -
0:16:28 > 0:16:31the future of growing foods is vertical farming.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Scientists believe that greenhouses
0:16:33 > 0:16:36will be stacked on top of one another to grow crops.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- It will save a tonne of space. - Vertical farming, hey?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41More facts, please!
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Er, yes, a very peculiar one here, Mr Reeves - I found a scientist
0:16:44 > 0:16:47who has predicted that by the year 2025,
0:16:47 > 0:16:50we might be able to create a smart yoghurt
0:16:50 > 0:16:54- that we could have conversations with.- How could you talk to yoghurt?
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Well, apparently, it's thought that the bacteria in the yoghurt
0:16:57 > 0:17:00could be modified to carry electronic signals
0:17:00 > 0:17:02- and then behave like a brain. - Imagine that!
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Food that you can talk to!
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Imagine the amazing conversations that you could have with it!
0:17:07 > 0:17:10MUSIC STARTS
0:17:10 > 0:17:14# I'm just talking to my yoghurt
0:17:15 > 0:17:19# I gossip with my custard
0:17:19 > 0:17:22# Having a parley with my pudding
0:17:23 > 0:17:26# I'm just gassing with my mustard
0:17:27 > 0:17:31# And when it all comes down to it
0:17:31 > 0:17:34# Better than talking to my friends
0:17:34 > 0:17:37# I like chatting with my dinner
0:17:38 > 0:17:42# Don't you get upset Please don't get excited
0:17:42 > 0:17:47# I'm so sorry, but you were not invited
0:17:47 > 0:17:51# Cos it's my dinner date Just a one-on-one
0:17:51 > 0:17:53# I'm getting to know much better now
0:17:53 > 0:17:56# My beef Wellington!
0:17:56 > 0:18:00# And when it all comes down to it
0:18:00 > 0:18:02# Better than talking to my friends
0:18:02 > 0:18:06# I like chatting with my dinner
0:18:07 > 0:18:11# Chatting with my dinner. #
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Stop all that mucking about with processed food, Mr Reeves!
0:18:16 > 0:18:21Remember, my job is to log any inappropriate behaviour
0:18:21 > 0:18:25and report back to the Mega Boss. If he doesn't like what he reads,
0:18:25 > 0:18:28this Ministry will be shut down.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30So, get on with it!!
0:18:30 > 0:18:35Talking yoghurt - what wisdom do you have to share with us?
0:18:35 > 0:18:38I'm not being funny, right, but being a yoghurt is, like amazing.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41It's such a laugh. Me and my friend Anthony, who's also a yoghurt, too,
0:18:41 > 0:18:44we've had this brilliant idea? We're going to do a TV show
0:18:44 > 0:18:47where people follow us around with cameras and we just talk and stuff?
0:18:47 > 0:18:49- Shush!- They can call it The Only Way Is Yoghurt...
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Ah! Ooh! Ah! What are you do...?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54- Mmm!- Ugh...!
0:18:54 > 0:18:57It was the only way I could think of to make her be quiet!
0:18:59 > 0:19:01- Peace and quiet. - Aren't stomachs amazing?
0:19:01 > 0:19:04That's where all the food goes, and they call it the stomach?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06- Amazing...- Shut up! Shut up! Be quiet! Be still!
0:19:06 > 0:19:08I know how to deal with this.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13# Shake, shake, shake, senora
0:19:13 > 0:19:15# Shake your body line
0:19:15 > 0:19:17# Shake, shake, shake, senora
0:19:17 > 0:19:19# Shake it all the time... #
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Ah! Peace and quiet!
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Mr Reeves! Shall we get on and extract the facts?!
0:19:27 > 0:19:31"Dear Luke - I'm delighted to enclose some curious stuff
0:19:31 > 0:19:33"about future foods..."
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Future food facts extracted - so, what's next?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Er, Mr Frazernagle,
0:19:57 > 0:19:59any calls coming through on the lines?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02I've got a fantastic call coming through on line 2.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05I'll connect you straight away.
0:20:05 > 0:20:06PHONE RINGS
0:20:06 > 0:20:07Thank you!
0:20:09 > 0:20:13Hello, this is Vic Reeves here, of the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17How might I be of encouragement to your goal?
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Hello, Mr Reeves. My name's Grace,
0:20:19 > 0:20:22and I'd like to know some stuff about curious manners.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23Thank you, Grace, thank you.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Very kind, thank you. Goodbye.
0:20:25 > 0:20:30Grace wants to know some curious facts about manners.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32So let's see what we can find.
0:20:37 > 0:20:41Lengthwidth, you've got impeccable manners, haven't you?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43You're too kind, but you too have absolutely impeccable manners.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45- Thank you very much. - My pleasure.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- The pleasure's mine. - No, it's certainly mine.
0:20:48 > 0:20:49- No, it's mine. - It's mine!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51- Mine! - Mine!
0:20:51 > 0:20:52- Now, look here! - YOU look here!
0:20:52 > 0:20:54- MY pleasure! - MY pleasure!
0:20:54 > 0:20:56- All right, it's YOUR pleasure. - Thank you!
0:20:56 > 0:21:00- Thank YOU!- No, thank YOU!- Thank YOU! - No, thank YOU!- No, thank YOU!
0:21:00 > 0:21:01- Now, look here! - No, look here!
0:21:01 > 0:21:03NO! Thank YOU!
0:21:03 > 0:21:07It would be a pleasure if you'd get back to work.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11Right. Our guests should be here any second now.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13What, for the party? Can I still come?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Of course you can. You're the waiter.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16Thanks a bunch.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
0:21:19 > 0:21:20Mr Reeves?
0:21:22 > 0:21:24We'd really like to come to the party,
0:21:24 > 0:21:26but we've got too much work to do
0:21:26 > 0:21:28finding curious facts about good manners.
0:21:28 > 0:21:29Fear ye not,
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Tea Party,
0:21:31 > 0:21:32we shall combine the two.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36My international friends will furnish us
0:21:36 > 0:21:39with a myriad of fantastical facts.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40DOORBELL RINGS
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Party guests arriving at X5, Mr Reeves.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45It's not a party!
0:21:45 > 0:21:47(It is a party!)
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Right, Ministry, my guests are here.
0:21:49 > 0:21:55Prepare to see entertainment at its best.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Here they are. Introducing Confucius,
0:21:57 > 0:22:00teacher, philosopher
0:22:00 > 0:22:02and all-round know-it-all.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04A 16th-century pope.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08And, all the way from Mexico, my good friend,
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Carlos!
0:22:09 > 0:22:11MEXICAN MUSIC
0:22:11 > 0:22:13CARLOS!
0:22:15 > 0:22:17- This is awkward.- Mr Reeves,
0:22:17 > 0:22:19I think I know what might have happened.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23You see, in Mexico, it's a polite custom to turn up half an hour late.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25OK, I'll give him a ring.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Hi, Carlos.
0:22:29 > 0:22:34Are you doing the old turn-up-half-an-hour-late politeness thing?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Bye.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Right, well, who needs Carlos anyway?
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Looks like Mexican's off the menu.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45- Well, thank you for coming to my party.- Mr Reeves...
0:22:45 > 0:22:46It's not a party!
0:22:46 > 0:22:48(It is a party.)
0:22:48 > 0:22:49It's work!
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Ah, here we are.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Allow me to introduce to you
0:22:56 > 0:22:58the starter.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01It's cold custard with a sprinkling
0:23:01 > 0:23:03of tragedy,
0:23:03 > 0:23:06and this comes all the way from...
0:23:06 > 0:23:08the kitchen.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Enjoy!
0:23:14 > 0:23:17HE BELCHES
0:23:17 > 0:23:18Ohhh!
0:23:18 > 0:23:19It's all right, Mr Reeves,
0:23:19 > 0:23:23in China and much of the Far East, belching is considered a compliment
0:23:23 > 0:23:25and a sign that you've enjoyed your meal.
0:23:25 > 0:23:26Ah, right.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Well, allow me to show MY appreciation.
0:23:30 > 0:23:31HE BELCHES
0:23:32 > 0:23:34HE BELCHES
0:23:36 > 0:23:37HE BELCHES
0:23:37 > 0:23:39PHRRT!
0:23:39 > 0:23:40Ohhhh!
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Please ignore my butler. He can be rather inappropriate at times.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Still a good party, though, innit?
0:23:46 > 0:23:50Mr Reeves, did I just hear you say you're having a party?
0:23:50 > 0:23:51It's not a party.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53(It is a party.)
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Ladies and gentlemen,
0:23:55 > 0:23:57the moment you've all been waiting for.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00This is the main course, and this is another speciality of mine.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04This one is spaghetti
0:24:04 > 0:24:05and stuff.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I made it myself
0:24:07 > 0:24:09straight out of a tin.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Enjoy yourselves.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Spaghetti with stuff - my favourite!
0:24:16 > 0:24:18HE SLURPS LOUDLY
0:24:18 > 0:24:19What's he doing?!
0:24:19 > 0:24:23It's OK, Mr Reeves. Even though the custom of using forks began in Italy
0:24:23 > 0:24:26around the 16th century, the Church originally claimed it was an insult
0:24:26 > 0:24:28not to use the natural fork -
0:24:28 > 0:24:30the hand.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Right, well, I'll leave him to it then.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34He's from the 16th century.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Well, here's a curious custom for you, Mr Reeves.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41In China, it is considered good manners to refuse a helping of food
0:24:41 > 0:24:44several times before accepting it.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47So this means a good host has to ask, well, at least three times
0:24:47 > 0:24:50if the guest wants another serving!
0:24:50 > 0:24:51Leave this one to me.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Mr Confucius, would you like some more meatballs?
0:24:54 > 0:24:58- No.- Would you like some more meatballs?- No.- Would you like some more meatballs?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00- No.- Would you like some more meatballs?- No.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02- Would you like some more meatballs?- No.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Right, party's over. I think we've all had enough meatballs
0:25:05 > 0:25:07and it's ruined the atmosphere.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10So come on, chop chop, get out!
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Off you go!
0:25:13 > 0:25:14HE BELCHES
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Don't' try and sweet-talk me, Confucius!
0:25:16 > 0:25:18- Ciao, bello!- Yes, goodbye.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20- Thank you.- Thanks very much.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22- Lovely party. Very civilised. - A pleasure, thank you.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25- We'll have to have you over to our place next time.- I'll be there.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Thank you very much. Now, goodbye!
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Thank you.
0:25:28 > 0:25:29Who was that last two and how did they get in?
0:25:29 > 0:25:31I dunno!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Right, well, let's not let these nuts go to waste.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35I know someone who'd like these.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Hello!
0:25:38 > 0:25:40- How did your little shindig go? - Not bad.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42I saved you some nuts.
0:25:42 > 0:25:43Great!
0:25:43 > 0:25:46Oh, no! Right in the peeper!
0:25:46 > 0:25:47MR REEVES CHUCKLES
0:25:47 > 0:25:52Well, I think we can all agree, my party was a huge success.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Well,
0:25:53 > 0:25:56we'll have to see what head office have to say
0:25:56 > 0:25:59when they read my report about your illegal party.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Oh, and what party would that be, Miss Bracegirdle?
0:26:02 > 0:26:06Because I think you'll find Mr Reeves was merely conducting
0:26:06 > 0:26:11some top-grade research into good and bad manners. So you can take your report
0:26:11 > 0:26:13and you can feed it to the cucumber!
0:26:13 > 0:26:15High-five, sister!
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Way to go, girlfriend!
0:26:17 > 0:26:21Well.. I mean, technically speaking, it were...
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Well done, Mr Reeves.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27You seem to have got away with it.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29This time.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Extract the Facts!
0:26:31 > 0:26:36Dear Grace, I'm delighted to enclose some stuff about curious manners.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02So that was curious stuff about manners.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06And that is what you call Facty Extracty.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Thank you, Miss Bracegirdle.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11No, no, no, thank YOU, Mr Reeves,
0:27:11 > 0:27:14for my report is full of crimes today.
0:27:14 > 0:27:15But I must admit
0:27:15 > 0:27:20we have dug up some wonderfully curious facts.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Yes, we have, team.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26Well done all round. But I'm afraid now it's time to go.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Don't forget to post our findings to our callers, Mr Reeves.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32- Thank you, Miss Tea-Party.- What will you be up to tonight, sir?
0:27:32 > 0:27:33Well, Miss Tea-Party,
0:27:33 > 0:27:36tonight I thought I might highlight my hair.
0:27:36 > 0:27:37I mean, er...
0:27:37 > 0:27:39fight a bear.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Fight SEVERAL bears, in a dark wood.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47- Goodbye, everybody. - Goodbye, Mr Reeves.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd