0:00:02 > 0:00:03PHONE RINGS
0:00:05 > 0:00:08'Here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff,
0:00:08 > 0:00:10'we explore any subject you desire
0:00:10 > 0:00:14'and deliver top-quality curious facts.'
0:00:17 > 0:00:21'On hand, our dedicated team - Lovett, Teaparty,
0:00:21 > 0:00:24'Frazernagle on the calls, Wannamaker in the walls,
0:00:24 > 0:00:28'and, of course, Captain Length-Width.'
0:00:33 > 0:00:36'That's Miss Bracegirdle.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39'She's been sent by Head Office to investigate our work
0:00:39 > 0:00:40'and compile a report.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44'If we fail to impress, the Megaboss will shut the ministry down.'
0:00:47 > 0:00:50'Let's not dillydally, there's lots to do.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54'Welcome to the Ministry of Curious Stuff.'
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Morning, everybody.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59- Morning, Mr Reeves. - Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01- Morning, Mr Reeves. - Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Miss Teaparty, what are the headlines?
0:01:03 > 0:01:07- The first animal in space was a fruit fly...- Really?
0:01:07 > 0:01:10- ..Japan has an annual belly button festival...- Yes.
0:01:10 > 0:01:11..and Captain Length-Width
0:01:11 > 0:01:13has got his fingers stuck up his nose, again.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17- Not again. Length-Width!- Mm-hm?
0:01:17 > 0:01:21- Oh, thank you, Mr Reeves. Oh, what a relief.- And what's all this here?
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Step away from there, sir, please. That is a crime scene.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28What we know so far is that at five o'clock yesterday afternoon,
0:01:28 > 0:01:33a pencil was sat on that table and that pencil has now disappeared.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36And do you have any suspects in mind?
0:01:36 > 0:01:39We wouldn't like to comment on any suspects
0:01:39 > 0:01:43until we have ascertained more facts.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45And is that the pencil over there?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47- Yes, it is. Yes. - Yes, it is, isn't it?
0:01:47 > 0:01:51- I went a bit over the top with this. - You probably did, didn't you?- OK.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53It's your time you're wasting, Mr Reeves.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57The longer you take messing about, the longer we all stay tonight,
0:01:57 > 0:02:00remember? It all goes in the report.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02HE HUFFS
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Good morning, Mr Frazernagle!
0:02:09 > 0:02:10Oh! Morning, Mr Reeves.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Any calls coming through on the switchboard?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Call coming from line one, Mr Reeves.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17I'll connect you straightaway.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- TELEPHONE RINGS - Thank you.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28How might I be of service to you on your investigation?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Hello, Mr Reeves. My name is Serafina
0:02:30 > 0:02:33and I want to know some stuff on curious schools.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Thank you, Serafina.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38How lovely of you to call. Thank you. Good day.
0:02:38 > 0:02:43Serafina wants to know some facts about curious schools.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52Right, boys and girls, what curious school facts have we got?
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Well, Mr Reeves, Ely Community College in Cambridgeshire
0:02:55 > 0:02:58hit the headlines in 2011 after handing out
0:02:58 > 0:03:01a whopping 230 detentions in one day.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04They were given for all sorts of things -
0:03:04 > 0:03:06chewing gum, wearing scarves inside...
0:03:06 > 0:03:10- Even something as silly as wearing odd socks.- Mmm.
0:03:10 > 0:03:14- Can you sign this please, Mr Reeves? - What's this, boy?
0:03:14 > 0:03:18Not another detention report? How many's that this week?
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Let's have a look. 30 this week!
0:03:21 > 0:03:23"Blinking aggressively."
0:03:23 > 0:03:25"Looking at the moon."
0:03:25 > 0:03:30"Thinking about washing machines." Now, I've told you about that.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32And last but not least, what's this?
0:03:32 > 0:03:35"Being sarcastic to dust."
0:03:35 > 0:03:37How do you keep getting all these?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40It is not my fault, Mr Reeves. It's my teacher.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42I swear he's got it in for me.
0:03:42 > 0:03:47This teacher of yours sounds like a right nincompoop. A proper fool.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50I'm going to ring him and give him a piece of my mind. What's his name?
0:03:50 > 0:03:55- What are you talking about? It's you, isn't it? I'm home-schooled.- Mmm.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Well, this home school is not working out, is it?
0:04:00 > 0:04:04We need to use this research to find you a new school
0:04:04 > 0:04:06where you can graduate like a real boy.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Give me more curious school facts, pronto.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13The world's biggest school is City Montessori School in India
0:04:13 > 0:04:16and it has almost 40,000 pupils.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20- Mmm. No?- I'm not going there. - No, I don't like the sound of that.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Sounds like it would take forever to do the register. Anything else?
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Yes, Mr Reeves. How about this?
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Summerhill School in Suffolk, England,
0:04:27 > 0:04:31prides itself on being a place where kids have freedom to be themselves.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34The children are encouraged to develop at their own pace
0:04:34 > 0:04:36and follow their interests.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39That's right, and all the lessons are optional.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Pupils are free to make their own decisions,
0:04:41 > 0:04:42choose their own timetable
0:04:42 > 0:04:45and do as little or as much schoolwork as they like.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49Oh, yes. Can I go to that school? That sounds like a top-notch school.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51I can learn chemistry and Russian.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52So, you can do whatever you want,
0:04:52 > 0:04:56but you want to do chemistry and Russian? I don't think so.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57HE GROANS
0:05:01 > 0:05:04That school's no good for Length-Width. What he needs
0:05:04 > 0:05:08- is rules and plenty of them. - I agree.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11And if it's rules you want, Mr Reeves, in 2009,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14when a craze for saying a certain word
0:05:14 > 0:05:16swept through a school in Massachusetts,
0:05:16 > 0:05:19the head teacher thought it was disrupting classes
0:05:19 > 0:05:22and banned the word from being said on school premises.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Really? I wonder what this mysterious word was?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- TANNOY JINGLE - Head teacher arriving in X1.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Ah, so you must be the head teacher who banned the word?
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- Yes, that's right. Hello.- Hello. - It just got out of hand.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40They were saying this irritating word every minute of every day.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44But I said, "My school, my rules," and so I banned it,
0:05:44 > 0:05:46and just in time, believe me,
0:05:46 > 0:05:49because after a while, these kids just saying this word again
0:05:49 > 0:05:51and again and again and again and again
0:05:51 > 0:05:57and again, it started to drive some of the teachers round the bend.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58- But not me. - THEY LAUGH
0:05:58 > 0:06:01So, what was the word?
0:06:01 > 0:06:04The word was, the word was meep.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- Meep.- Meep?- Yes. - And what does "meep" mean?
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- I don't think meep... - Meep.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- ..meeps anything, I mean means anything.- Meep.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Ah-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Meep!
0:06:15 > 0:06:19- Then why say it? Why say "meep"? - Meep.- Meep.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Could you ask your staff...
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- Meep.- ..not to use that word, please?- Yes, of course I can.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28- Thank you.- Could everybody stop saying "meep" please?
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Nobody say "meep" any more, OK?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Although it is fun saying it, isn't it?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Meep, meep. It's a lot of fun actually!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- Meep.- Meep.- Meep.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41- I find it very irritating. - Meep.- Meep.- Meep.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45- Meep.- Meep.- Meep. - Stop it!
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Stop saying that silly word!
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Thank you.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Meep.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00- You, girl. How dare you!- Sorry, I... - Silence!
0:07:00 > 0:07:02It's a detention for you.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Oh, I like her.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08- I've never had a detention in my entire life.- Meep.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10- Detention for you.- Yes!
0:07:10 > 0:07:16I will see you and you after school. Goodbye.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Oh! You two!
0:07:19 > 0:07:23Well, what a lovely lady and I'm sure a very, very good head teacher,
0:07:23 > 0:07:27but I don't think it's the sort of school for you, Length-Width.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- Do you?- No.- No. Any other curious school facts?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Well, if you don't like the sound of that school,
0:07:34 > 0:07:38- you might consider having Length-Width taught by an ant.- Huh?
0:07:38 > 0:07:42Research suggests that ants teach other ants to find food.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Now, this is called tandem running,
0:07:44 > 0:07:47thought to be one of the first cases of teaching
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- in the animal kingdom. - An ant school!
0:07:50 > 0:07:52How does that sound, boy?
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- Would you like to be taught by ants? - Why not?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Well, follow me and we'll go and take a look.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02I mean, I'm an idiot, I'll try anything.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Come on, boy.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Hello, Vic.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- Ken.- Hi, Captain Length-Width. - Ken.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19OWL HOOTS
0:08:27 > 0:08:29SCREAMING
0:08:29 > 0:08:33Excellent, up and down in tandem. That's right. Good.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37- This is nice, isn't it? - Yes, I know.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Ah, Mr Know, Deputy Head. How may I help?
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Yes, I'm looking for this boy to join your school.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43I know he's not an ant,
0:08:43 > 0:08:46but we've looked at so many other schools and nothing works.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Don't worry. We take literally anyone.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- Now, what's your lad's name? - Length-Width.- Length-Width.
0:08:52 > 0:08:58- Hello! Don't be shy. He'll be fine.- Good luck.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Right. First of all, we'll keep it simple -
0:09:00 > 0:09:05walking in a straight line, or as we ants call it, tandem running.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Don't worry, just follow my moves and copy, OK?
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- Meep.- What was that?
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- Meep.- Now, we'll have none of that in this school.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19- Meep.- Meep.- Who just meeped?- Meep. - Meep.- Meep...
0:09:19 > 0:09:23- Stop it!- Meep.- Meep...- Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- Meep...- Stop it! Stop it! - Meep...- STOP IT!
0:09:27 > 0:09:29- STOP IT!!- Meep.- Meep...
0:09:29 > 0:09:32- HE SCREAMS Meep.- Meep...
0:09:34 > 0:09:38Sorry, Mr Reeves. Didn't like that school.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40I don't think ants are for me.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44- Did you just leave that school? - Yes, kind of.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46I don't know.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50I get you into a decent school and you just mess it up!
0:09:50 > 0:09:54- You do my head in sometimes! - You both do my head in.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57I think it's time to extract the facts.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58"Dear Serafina,
0:09:58 > 0:10:02"I'm delighted to enclose some stuff about curious schools.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05"We found out that City Montessori School in India
0:10:05 > 0:10:07"has a whopping 40,000 pupils.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10"Pupils at Summerhill School in Suffolk
0:10:10 > 0:10:11"are allowed to as do as little
0:10:11 > 0:10:13"or as much work as they like.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16"And in 2009, a head teacher in Massachusetts
0:10:16 > 0:10:19"banned all pupils from saying the word meep."
0:10:19 > 0:10:23- Meep.- So that's stuff about curious schools. What's next?
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Mr Frazernagle, any calls on the switchboard?
0:10:26 > 0:10:30Oh, I've got a fantastic call coming from line three.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32You know what to do.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35- Thanks, Nagles. - TELEPHONE RINGS
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42- How might I be of encouragement to your mission?- Hello, Mr Reeves.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46My name is Nana and I'd like to know some curious stuff about bogies.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Ooh! Really?
0:10:48 > 0:10:53Thank you, Nana. Thank you for your enquiry. Goodbye, yes. Goodbye.
0:10:53 > 0:10:58Nana wants to know some curious facts about, wait for it, bogies.
0:10:58 > 0:10:59HE LAUGHS
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- Oh, no.- Yes, bogies,
0:11:02 > 0:11:04or mucus as it's more formally known.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06OK, let's see what we can find out.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22HE YAWNS
0:11:50 > 0:11:54I knew it! I knew it! How dare you!
0:11:54 > 0:11:56- Now, look here... - Now, you look here...
0:11:56 > 0:12:00- You look here...- You look here... - THEY BLOW RASPBERRIES
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Mr Reeves, when you and your pet poodle are quite finished,
0:12:03 > 0:12:08- get back to work.- OK, so what do we know about snot? Teaparty?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Well, incredibly, Mr Reeves, humans produce almost a litre of snot
0:12:12 > 0:12:15and mucus a day and most of it is swallowed.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Urgh! That sounds like a lot. More snotty facts.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Well, Mr Reeves, snails share their mucus.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- Length-Width and I share our mucus.- That's right.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I have him from Mondays to Fridays,
0:12:27 > 0:12:29then Mr Reeves has him at the weekends.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31They don't share like that, Mr Reeves.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Snails reuse mucus trails left by other snails,
0:12:36 > 0:12:38because making them takes a lot of energy.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Excuse me.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- You're not going past the town hall, are you?- Indeed I am.
0:12:43 > 0:12:48You don't mind if I save energy and use your trail?
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Jump into the slime and slide away.
0:12:57 > 0:13:02One sensible pair of snails. I wish them all the best with the future.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05- More snot facts, please. - Well, Mr Reeves,
0:13:05 > 0:13:09the speed of a sneeze can be up to 100 miles an hour.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12- That's faster than a cheetah can run.- Really?
0:13:12 > 0:13:15I wonder how fast my snot can travel.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17GLASS BREAKING 45 miles an hour.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Not bad. More snotty facts.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Did you know you can buy celebrities' bogies?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Scarlett Johansson's used hanky was sold online.
0:13:26 > 0:13:31- It raised 5,300 for charity. - I know.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Famous bogies is big business and that's why I've pumped
0:13:34 > 0:13:40my entire life savings into a museum of bogies of the rich and famous.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42- Oh, I would love to see that. - Follow me.
0:13:53 > 0:13:54- Bogies.- Yes.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59Ah, ah! Goss Peanuts, the curator of the museum.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Mr Reeves, it is so nice to see you.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06- Perhaps you might like to give us a guided tour?- I would love to.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08This antique is a bogey
0:14:08 > 0:14:13once owned by the artist formerly known as Cheryl Cole.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- She's just called Cheryl now.- I know.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19If you look very closely at the detail, you'll be able to see
0:14:19 > 0:14:24that Cheryl is a fan of the role it, flick it technique.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Hey, I think we're all partial to a bit of roll it, flick it
0:14:27 > 0:14:29- now and then, eh?- Yes, indeed.
0:14:29 > 0:14:34- Now, this item is very, very special indeed.- Oh!
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- What a beauty!- It's a monster.
0:14:36 > 0:14:42This big green masterpiece comes from the honk of the pop queen,
0:14:42 > 0:14:47Lady Gaga. But up until now, no one had ever seen one.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- They're very rare.- Why's that?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53- Well, she usually eats them.- Ah. - Good, good, good.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57Actually, do you know what? All this talk has made me a little hungry.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01Perhaps you'd like to join me in the museum cafe for lunch?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04The chef does a wonderful home-made phlegm.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- Sounds delicious. You try and stop us.- Some of that.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14Yes, you're right, it really is a splendid museum.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18Thank you very much. Now all that talk of bogies has really
0:15:18 > 0:15:21put me in the mood for a little bit of bogey boogie woogie.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23MUSIC STARTS
0:15:23 > 0:15:26# Bogies, bogies, we love bogies
0:15:26 > 0:15:30# Here at headquarters We're supporters of bogies
0:15:30 > 0:15:33# Sweet sweet bogies
0:15:34 > 0:15:39# Bogies, pick them, hold it and flick and then boogie
0:15:39 > 0:15:41# Flip flop-a boogie woogie!
0:15:41 > 0:15:43# Oh, yes!
0:15:46 > 0:15:48# Bogies, bogies, we love bogies
0:15:48 > 0:15:52# Here at the ministry there's always possibility of bogies
0:15:52 > 0:15:55# Sweet sweet bogies
0:15:57 > 0:15:58# Holding and picking
0:15:58 > 0:16:01# Rolling and flicking the bogies
0:16:01 > 0:16:04# Flip flop-a boogie woogie! Yes!
0:16:04 > 0:16:06# Flip flop-a boogie woogie boogie!
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- # I'm rolling! - # Flip flop-a boogie woogie! Boogie!
0:16:09 > 0:16:12- # We're flicking! - # Flip flop-a boogie woogie! Boogie!
0:16:12 > 0:16:14# Flip flop-a boogie woogie! Boogie!
0:16:14 > 0:16:17# Bogies and snot balls bigger than footballs
0:16:17 > 0:16:20# We'll get them cooked up by Heston Blumenthal
0:16:22 > 0:16:24ALL: # Bogies! #
0:16:24 > 0:16:28Inappropriate picking and flicking.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- HE SNIFFS - It's all going in the report.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Honestly, Mr Reeves, anyone would think you don't care
0:16:34 > 0:16:36if the Megaboss shuts this place down or not.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Shall we extract the facts?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40"Dear Nana,
0:16:40 > 0:16:44"I'm delighted to enclose some curious stuff about bogies.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47"We found out that the actress Scarlett Johansson
0:16:47 > 0:16:49"sold her used hanky for charity.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53"The speed of a sneeze can be up to 100 miles an hour,
0:16:53 > 0:16:54"faster than a cheetah runs,
0:16:54 > 0:16:59"and snails save energy by sharing each other's mucus trails."
0:16:59 > 0:17:03Bogies extracted. So, what's next?
0:17:03 > 0:17:07Right, I think we've got time for more curious stuff.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Frazernagle, anybody on the lines?
0:17:09 > 0:17:12There's a fantastic call coming from line four.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13I'll put you through now.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- TELEPHONE RINGS - Thank you.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23- How might I be of support to your study?- Hello, Mr Reeves.
0:17:23 > 0:17:28My name is Theo and I'd like to know some curious stuff about tunnels.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Thank you, Theo. Thank you, goodbye.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35Theo wants to know some curious stuff about tunnels.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Curious facts about tunnels. What have we got?
0:17:42 > 0:17:44- Well, I have something here, Mr Reeves.- Yes.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Scientists predict that if there was a tunnel
0:17:46 > 0:17:49that went all the way through the middle of the Earth
0:17:49 > 0:17:52and through to Australia, and if you fell down it,
0:17:52 > 0:17:56that it would take you 42 minutes to come out the other end.
0:17:56 > 0:17:5842 minutes, you say?
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Right. OK, now where is it?
0:18:03 > 0:18:04HE MUTTERS
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- What on earth are you looking for, Mr Reeves?- Ah, this.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11My can of Instant Hole.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15One spray of this and we'll have a tunnel that goes all the way
0:18:15 > 0:18:18through the Earth and out the other side and then, and only then,
0:18:18 > 0:18:20will we know if it takes 42 minutes.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28RUMBLING
0:18:34 > 0:18:38Right. That seems to have done the trick.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Now all I need is a willing volunteer.
0:18:40 > 0:18:45Length-Width! Ah, Length-Width, there you are.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48I wonder if you'd be so kind as to help me with an experiment?
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- Mr Reeves, I'd love to.- OK, I'd like you to take this, please.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55OK. Now, waaaaa....!
0:18:55 > 0:18:56HE SCREAMS
0:18:58 > 0:19:01And don't forget to take a note of how long it takes.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03HE SCREAMS
0:19:12 > 0:19:14DIDGERIDOO MUSIC
0:19:14 > 0:19:1742 minutes. Extraordinary.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19What the didgery-dunce is going on here?
0:19:19 > 0:19:23Wait a minute. Captain Length-Width? I thought you were on holiday.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26- Mr Reeves, is that you? - No, Mick Cleeves, mate.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Head of the Ministry of Curious Stuff, Australian branch.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32You're not our Captain Length-Width,
0:19:32 > 0:19:34I can tell by the peculiar Dutch accent you've got.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Wait a minute, let me guess,
0:19:36 > 0:19:38you're a Length-Width from another branch
0:19:38 > 0:19:41and you fell through a hole in the centre of Earth?
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- How did you know?- It happens more than you'd think, mate.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Let me introduce you to the rest of the team.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50- Here we've got Beachparty. - G'day, mate.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53- Hello.- You've got Likeitt there. - All right?
0:19:53 > 0:19:56This lovely creature over here is Dingo Sniffer.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Get back to work, you flaming galahs.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00That's my wife.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Our Captain Length-Width's away on holiday at Space Camp.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06It's a shame you couldn't meet him the resemblance is uncanny.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09But whilst you're here, why don't you stick around and help out?
0:20:09 > 0:20:14You know, I'd love to but Mr Reeves will be in one of his dirty moods
0:20:14 > 0:20:18and when I get back there, he'll give me the silent treatment, you know.
0:20:18 > 0:20:19It's a shame cos we're looking
0:20:19 > 0:20:23at some really interesting and curious stuff today.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26We're checking out sitting around eating cupcakes
0:20:26 > 0:20:28and stroking some kittens.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31- Well, maybe I could stick around for a little while longer.- Yeah?
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- ALL:- The other Length-Width!
0:20:34 > 0:20:37The other Length-Width!
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Don't go mad.
0:20:38 > 0:20:44Length-Width! Length-Width! I've got ham and jam for you!
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Length-Width!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Oh! Where is he? He can't usually resist me ham and jam.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Maybe he's being intimidated by an earthworm.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Maybe I should go down there after him.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55I wouldn't want Head Office to find out
0:20:55 > 0:20:58that you'd been frolicking about in a massive hole.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02That's it. If Length-Width wants to skive off, that's up to him.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04That dude is history.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Come on, give me some curious tunnel facts.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11Well, Mr Reeves, a tunnel-boring machine, also known as a mole,
0:21:11 > 0:21:12is a machine used to dig tunnels.
0:21:12 > 0:21:17They're pretty darn tough and they can bore through hard rock and sand.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Right. I think I should talk to one of these tunnel-boring machines.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24One tunnel-boring machine arriving in G1, Mr Reeves.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Ah, tunnel-boring machine,
0:21:26 > 0:21:30how many miles of tunnel do you think you've personally bored?
0:21:30 > 0:21:34I haven't bored any tunnels,
0:21:34 > 0:21:37I'm just a boring machine.
0:21:37 > 0:21:43Allegedly, I am very, very,
0:21:43 > 0:21:48very, very, very, very...
0:21:48 > 0:21:50OK, goodbye.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Right. Has anyone got anything curious to say,
0:21:53 > 0:21:54preferably about tunnels?
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Well, this might be interesting, Mr Reeves.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- What do you know about dark rides? - Not a lot.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04Well, dark rides are some of the oldest amusement park rides.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06They're often called Tunnel of Love rides.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10- The Tunnel of Love! Sounds exotic. - I'm pleased you're so enthused.
0:22:10 > 0:22:15I've arranged you a tutorial with dark rides expert Frankie Gibbons
0:22:15 > 0:22:17so you can learn all the facts.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Yes, well, you see... I'm a very busy man,
0:22:20 > 0:22:26I don't want to go on some boring ride with some bearded know-it-all.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Look, when he gets here, tell him I'm too busy.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- TANNOY JINGLE - Frankie Gibbons loading in X5.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Hi. I'm Frankie Gibbons.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42I'm here for Mr Reeves.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45I'm gonna take him on a dark ride tour!
0:22:45 > 0:22:47I'm so sorry, Miss Gibbons, change of plan.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- Mr Reeves was just saying that... - Whoa! Whoa!
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Whoa! Whoa! Miss Gibbons!
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- But, Mr Reeves, you said... - Shut it!
0:22:56 > 0:23:00Hello. Vic Reeves. Gemini. Single.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Likes walks in the park and boil-in-the-bag dinners.
0:23:03 > 0:23:04SHE GIGGLES
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Oh, my! Such a gentleman!
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Let's continue this conversation in the Tunnel of Love.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14THEY GIGGLE
0:23:16 > 0:23:20Tell me more about this lovely, lovely Tunnel of Love.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Well, dark rides were essentially
0:23:22 > 0:23:25just a boat ride for two through a dark tunnel.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27The rides were either romantic,
0:23:27 > 0:23:32like this Tunnel of Love, or spooky horror rides.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Ohh! HE LAUGHS
0:23:34 > 0:23:40Well, let's forget about the spooky and concentrate on the romance.
0:23:40 > 0:23:41OK, Mr Reeves.
0:23:41 > 0:23:45Do you like finding out about curious stuff?
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Yes, actually, Miss Gibbons, I do.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52- How much curious stuff do you know? - A lot.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54- Tell me something. - Did you know
0:23:54 > 0:23:58that you spend three years of your life on the toilet?
0:23:58 > 0:24:02- More!- An elephant eats its mother's poo.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05- Oh, Mr Reeves! - I know, I'm fascinating, aren't I?
0:24:05 > 0:24:08OK. Mmm!
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Surprise!
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Nooooo!
0:24:16 > 0:24:20This cannot be happening to me again!
0:24:24 > 0:24:28Don't ask me how it went, I don't want to talk about it.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Now give me another tunnel fact, please.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Well, here's one, Mr Reeves.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35In 2010, a woman in the Netherlands escaped from prison
0:24:35 > 0:24:38and she dug a secret escape tunnel using only a spoon.
0:24:38 > 0:24:43- I know. And she's here today! - HE LAUGHS
0:24:45 > 0:24:47No! It's happened again!
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Why didn't anyone hide the cutlery?
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Who am I kidding? I'm not bothered about some stupid tunnel.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55It's Length-Width that I miss.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58The ministry is just not the same without him.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00MAMBO MUSIC
0:25:05 > 0:25:07That's enough fun for now, people.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Big round of applause for the other Captain Length-Width.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12- Hip hop!- Hooray!
0:25:12 > 0:25:16Thank you so much for making me feel so welcome.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18I wish I could stay here for ever!
0:25:18 > 0:25:19We'd love to have you, mate.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23Wait. Sounds like our Captain Length-Width is back from vacation.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26- Oh!- You're not gonna believe it, mate, you're like a pair of twins.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Right, well, show him in.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Captain Length-Width meet Captain Length-Width.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35- FAIRGROUND MUSIC - Like looking in a flaming mirror!
0:25:35 > 0:25:37It looks nothing like me! It's a pig!
0:25:37 > 0:25:39- PIG SNORTS - How dare you!
0:25:39 > 0:25:40It's a pig in a hat!
0:25:40 > 0:25:45Beg your pardon! Captain Length-Width, don't listen to him!
0:25:45 > 0:25:47How could you?!
0:25:47 > 0:25:52- Ministry, boo him! - ALL BOO
0:25:52 > 0:25:56There's no place like home! There's no place like home!
0:25:56 > 0:25:58There's no place like home!
0:25:58 > 0:26:01There's no place like home! There's no place like home!
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Ha! I'm home!
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Mr Reeves! Is it you?
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Is it really, really you?
0:26:09 > 0:26:14Length-Width! Length-Width! How I've missed you!
0:26:14 > 0:26:16I've missed you and your stupid face!
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Your stupid jowly, wobbly face!
0:26:19 > 0:26:23And I've missed your silly mushy-wushy podgy little face!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25BOTH SOB
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Oh, how touching(!)
0:26:27 > 0:26:30When you've quite finished fiddling with each other's faces.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33It's time for the Final Fact Extraction.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37"Dear Theo, I'm delighted to enclose some curious stuff about tunnels.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40"We found out - "
0:26:49 > 0:26:50And...
0:26:55 > 0:26:58That's curious stuff about tunnels.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02And that is how one extracts the facts!
0:27:02 > 0:27:05- Thank you, Miss Bracegirdle. - No, thank you, Mr Reeves.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08My report has been filling up today.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12I can't wait to show the Megaboss this little lot.
0:27:12 > 0:27:18But, I must admit, we have extracted some wonderfully curious facts.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Yes, we have, Miss Bracegirdle.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24And well done to everybody but, I'm afraid, now it's time to go.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Don't forget to post our findings to our callers, Mr Reeves.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- Thank you, Miss Teaparty. - And what are you up to tonight?
0:27:29 > 0:27:32Well, tonight, I thought I'd go and have a make-over with the girls.
0:27:32 > 0:27:37I mean, I-I-I'm going to take over another world!
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Yes. Bye.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42ALL: Goodnight, Mr Reeves.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47- Goodbye, everybody! - Goodbye, Mr Reeves!
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd