0:00:01 > 0:00:02PHONE RINGS
0:00:06 > 0:00:10Here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff we explore any subject you
0:00:10 > 0:00:13desire and deliver top-quality curious finds.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17THEY CHATTER
0:00:17 > 0:00:21On hand, our dedicated team. Lovett. Teaparty.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Frazernagle on the calls. Wannamaker in the walls.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27And of course, Captain Length-Width.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36That's Miss Bracegirdle.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39She's been sent by head office to investigate our work
0:00:39 > 0:00:41and compile a report.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44If we fail to impress, they will shut the Ministry down.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51Let's not dilly dally, there's lots to do.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55Welcome to the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Good morning, everybody.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59- Good morning, Mr Reeves. - Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:00:59 > 0:01:00Morning, Mr Reeves.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Good morning, Miss Teaparty, and what are the headlines?
0:01:05 > 0:01:09Well, Mr Reeves, the average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Zips were named after the sound that they make and it's really,
0:01:12 > 0:01:15- really hard to lick your elbow. - Really?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Well I'd like to put that to the test.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Length-Width...
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- So, what does it taste of? - Marmalade.- And?- Tweed.- And?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27- Strawberry.- And?- Cotton.- And?
0:01:27 > 0:01:30- And something I can't quite put my finger on.- Well go on then.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34- Oh.- Yes.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Tick tock, tick tock, Mr Reeves.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Time is ticking and if you don't get to work soon it will be
0:01:39 > 0:01:42going in the report.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46Thank you, Miss Bracegirdle. OK.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Good morning, Mr Frazernagle.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56- Morning, Mr Reeves.- Any calls coming through on the switchboard?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59There's a great caller on line two. Putting you through, Mr Reeves.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01PHONE RINGS
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Thank you.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09How might I be of helpfulness in this debate?
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Hello, Mr Reeves, my name is Sarah.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16- And I'd like to know some curious stuff about trees.- Oh, hello, Sarah.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20I shall do my utmost. Thank you. Goodbye.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Sarah would like to know some curious facts about trees.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34OK, so tell me what curious stuff we found out about trees.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36The average tree can provide enough wood
0:02:36 > 0:02:40for approximately 9,360 pencils.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41That's a lot of pencils.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45- But where would you keep them? - Well, they're around here somewhere.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48And I'm sure I saw then the other day.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51I can't remember exactly where I saw them.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59- There they are.- Tiddly tut tut tut. Another tree fact, please.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Willow trees, when they are eaten and infested with caterpillars
0:03:02 > 0:03:05and fungi, they emit a chemical signal which alerts
0:03:05 > 0:03:07nearby willow trees to the danger.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Mmm. Extraordinary. Ah, now then.
0:03:10 > 0:03:14Length-Width here emits a kind of strange noise to warn
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- others of danger. Don't you?- That's correct.- What does it sound like?
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- Well, allow me to demonstrate. - I wish you would.- I will.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29TRUMPETING SOUND
0:03:35 > 0:03:41- All right, guys, false alarm, stand down. Just a drill.- Yeah...
0:03:42 > 0:03:44You'll know when it's for real.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Yeah, we use it to warn each other, you know,
0:03:51 > 0:03:53about traffic jams, weather warnings,
0:03:53 > 0:03:55or simply to inform each other about really good
0:03:55 > 0:03:57deals down at the supermarket.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59I can see why that's so important.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Yeah, well, you wouldn't want to miss out, would you?
0:04:01 > 0:04:05Of course you wouldn't. Right, any more tree facts then, please?
0:04:05 > 0:04:06Well, Mr Reeves,
0:04:06 > 0:04:10there is the mesquite tree known as a tree of life which has
0:04:10 > 0:04:14survived 400 years in the middle of the Bahrain desert without any
0:04:14 > 0:04:18source of water, how it survives, it's a complete mystery to me.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22That tree sounds like a kind of rock-hard hard as nails type
0:04:22 > 0:04:24tree and I want to meet him.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26Won't be too long.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Hello, Vic!
0:04:31 > 0:04:36- Ken! You're so mysterious! - Yeah, I know.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50DONKEY BRAYS
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Hello, Tree Of Life.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00If you don't mind, I now go by the name of Super Hard Action Tree.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Ooh, all right then. Super Hard Action Tree.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05- So you've been stood out here for 400 years?- Well, what can I say?
0:05:05 > 0:05:10I'm as hard as nails. I get tougher just by breathing. Watch...
0:05:10 > 0:05:12See?
0:05:12 > 0:05:13I'm a little bit harder!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15THEY GROWL
0:05:15 > 0:05:19So, you've been out here for all that time without a drop of water?
0:05:19 > 0:05:22That's right. I've lasted so long without water I can't even remember
0:05:22 > 0:05:25- what it tastes like. I haven't... - Sorry about the wait.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29That's an extra-large iced mocha-choca-chino with cinnamon.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Ah, yes, you literally couldn't have come at a worse time.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34An iced choca-mocha-chino with cinnamon?
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Yeah, I work at the coffee shop round the corner.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Super Hard Action Tree's one of our best customers.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46You've got no right to call yourself a Super Hard Action Tree.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Well, I'd like to see you try it. I don't even like coffee.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- I hate the taste.- Right, well I'll take that, thank you.
0:05:52 > 0:05:57Oh, no, don't go yet. Please. It gets lonely out here.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05- Quick to take a break, Mr Reeves. - I am doing research.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Oh, drinking an iced choca-mocha-chino?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10I'm not drinking anything at all.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12I'm watching you, Mr Reeves.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16- More tree facts please, Miss Teaparty.- Yes, Mr Reeves.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Did you know there were people who made clothing out of bark
0:06:19 > 0:06:23and it was thought to have originated in southern China.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Yes, Teaparty's right, Mr Reeves.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Research suggests it was seen as fashionable.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30- Those that wore it were viewed as wealthy.- Ah-ha.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Whaddaya think of these, eh?
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Check out the grain!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38WOODPECKER TAPS
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Oh, oh!
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Everything all right, Mr Reeves?
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- I think there's a woodpecker in my trousers.- Don't worry.
0:06:44 > 0:06:49- I'll sort this out. I'll just get my axe.- No, no, what else have you got?
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- I've got a giant crab and a giant toad.- The crab, get the crab.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56- Put the crab in.- All right.- Argh! It pecks!
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Come on, Carlton.
0:06:59 > 0:07:05- Quickly.- It nips...and pecks!
0:07:05 > 0:07:09What else have you got? The crab's not chasing the woodpecker.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- Hang on, I'll get the giant toad. - OK. Be quick!
0:07:12 > 0:07:18- Be quick, my darling. - Come on, Kevin.- Put the toad in.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22- Argh, oh-ho! It licks!- But is it getting the woodpecker?- No! It's not!
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Right, that's it. I'm going in.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29You can't. I won't let you. You may never come back.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32If I don't come back then you tell my mother I was a hero.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35I'm going in those trousers to combat the crab and the toad
0:07:35 > 0:07:37and the woodpecker.
0:07:37 > 0:07:42- If you're going in there, I'm going in there with you.- OK, so be it.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46Mr Reeves, why don't you just take the trousers off?
0:07:46 > 0:07:48- That could work as well.- Mmmm.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Right, that's going in my report.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59What Ministry rule did we break then?
0:07:59 > 0:08:03None, it's just downright weird.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Now I think it's best if we try and extract some facts.
0:08:07 > 0:08:08Dear Sarah,
0:08:08 > 0:08:11I'm delighted to enclosed some curious stuff about trees.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14We found out that...
0:08:31 > 0:08:34So that's curious trees, what's next?
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Mr Frazernagle, any calls on the switchboard, please?
0:08:37 > 0:08:41- Call coming through on line one. Putting you through.- Thank you.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42PHONE RINGS
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49How might I be of profit in your pursuit?
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Hello, Mr Reeves, my name is Joshua
0:08:51 > 0:08:53and I'd like to know some curious stuff about shoes.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57Thank you very much, Joshua, good day.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Joshua wants to know all about shoes.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01What curious facts have we got about shoes?
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- Length-Width, do you have shoes? - Shoes, shoes, yes.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- How many pairs?- Two and a half pairs of shoes.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14How can you have two and a half pairs of shoes?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Well, I have one pair for the week, one pair for the weekend and then
0:09:17 > 0:09:22I have a spare shoe just in case my leg blows off in a high wind.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- You're a shrewd and clever man. - Thank you.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27What curious facts have we got about shoes?
0:09:27 > 0:09:31Ah, well, Mr Reeves, there's a company that creates grass shoes
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- for those who like to walk on grass all day.- Hmmm.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38I don't like walking on grass. In fact, I hate it.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42It makes me want to puke. But do you know what I do like walking on?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Bacon. I love walking on bacon.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48So I'm going to design a bacon shoe.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Right now...bacon.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55Now you're jealous.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Ah-ha. Bacony shoes.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04I'm going to be the envy of everybody at the kite flying club.
0:10:04 > 0:10:10Ah, oh, that's so good. Oh, that's nice.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Oh, oh, I'm just going to take a stroll and break these babies in.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Mmmm, bacon.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Hoo-hoo. Ooh? Urgh.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25DOGS GROWL AND BARK
0:10:35 > 0:10:40- Mr Reeves, what on earth happened to your shoes?- A dog ate them.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43My mum is going to kill me, they were my best pair.
0:10:43 > 0:10:44Well, Mr Reeves,
0:10:44 > 0:10:47here's some footwear that could stand up to a bit of chewing.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51For centuries, Amazonian Indians made boots from latex
0:10:51 > 0:10:52they collected from rubber trees.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55They'd stand in the liquid latex and then let it dry.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Yeah, you can see the rubber.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00And funnily enough, Captain Length-Width has had his feet
0:11:00 > 0:11:02in a couple of buckets of latex.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Come on. Let's have a look at your Amazonian gumboots.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15What's all this then?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Yes, I think I may have left them in there for a tad too long.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21- Yeah, how long have you had them in there?- About three weeks.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Yeah, I think a couple of hours would have sufficed.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Yes, yes, I think that's where I've gone wrong.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29- Do you mind giving me a hand to get them off?- Can do. Let's have a look.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Ah, yes. I think I can see the problem.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36- Just lift them up there. - Have you got some purchase?
0:11:36 > 0:11:42- Yeah, I've got purchase. - Right, pull.- That's it. I'm pulling.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Heave ho.
0:11:45 > 0:11:50Ah! And there we are. Not a lot of difference really, is there?
0:11:50 > 0:11:54- Not really, No. But thanks for trying.- It's a pleasure.- Ta-ta.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Right, more facts on shoes please.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04The Palau islanders of the Pacific squeeze sea cucumbers
0:12:04 > 0:12:07to get out the rubbery threads the creatures usually use to
0:12:07 > 0:12:08defend themselves.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11However the islanders use these rubbery strings to
0:12:11 > 0:12:14protect their feet when they're walking on the reefs.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17A sea cucumber, I've got one of those around here somewhere.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21Now where is it? Ah. There we are. OK.
0:12:21 > 0:12:27So I just squeeze it and it expels its rubbery string?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- Oh, it's a tough one this. - What are you doing?
0:12:33 > 0:12:37- Pardon?- I said, what are you doing? - I'm squeezing you.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Well don't, it hurts.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43But I want to see all the stuff that comes out of a sea cucumber
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- when you squeeze it. - Well, that's your main problem.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50I'm not a sea cucumber. I'm just a cucumber. I don't live in the sea.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53I live in salads.
0:12:54 > 0:12:59I'm sorry. There.
0:12:59 > 0:13:00That was a bit awkward.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Moving on, Mr Reeves.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05OK, what else do we know about shoes?
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Well, Mr Reeves, we know this.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11When the great ballerina Marie Taglioni made her final appearance
0:13:11 > 0:13:16in 1842, a group of her admirers bought a pair of her shoes
0:13:16 > 0:13:19and it says here that they cooked them and ate them
0:13:19 > 0:13:21with a special sauce.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25- Mmmm.- Mr Reeves, what are you doing?- What does it look like?
0:13:25 > 0:13:28I'm eating shoes. All that talk's made me starving.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31You cannot eat shoes, it is very, very bad for you.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34It's all right. These are from the Lady Gaga ready meal range.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Lady Gaga in Z32, Mr Reeves.
0:13:39 > 0:13:44- Hello Victor.- Hi, Lady Gaga. - How are you?- I'm good.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48- Do you want to see the new Lady Gaga ready meal range?- I sure do.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51First up stiletto and Stilton.
0:13:51 > 0:13:56- For all you disco kings and queens out there.- Second of all.
0:13:56 > 0:14:01- Southern fried flipflop for all you beach bums out there.- Makes sense.
0:14:01 > 0:14:07And last but by no means least, clog and coriander.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- Not just for the Dutch. - That's got to smart in the morning.
0:14:10 > 0:14:15- Lady Gaga?- Hey, little monster. - Hello, sweet pea.
0:14:15 > 0:14:20- Listen, what about this one?- That's a shoe from lost property, honey.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22And yet, do you know,
0:14:22 > 0:14:27- it's probably one of the best things I've ever tasted in all my life.- OK.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31That gives me a curious idea.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38# I'm just cooking up shoes
0:14:39 > 0:14:42# Just cooking up shoes
0:14:43 > 0:14:49# Sandals and slingbacks Just cooking up shoes
0:14:51 > 0:14:54# Add a little salt and a little bit of pepper
0:14:54 > 0:14:58# A little bit of parsley will make them taste better
0:15:00 > 0:15:02# Cooking up shoes
0:15:04 > 0:15:09# Cooking up shoes Just cooking up a shoes
0:15:11 > 0:15:14# Boil and bake them nice and fragrant
0:15:14 > 0:15:18# Add a little bacon this leather is patent
0:15:21 > 0:15:28# Just cooking up shoes Just cooking up shoes
0:15:28 > 0:15:31# Cooking up shoes. #
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Cooking.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Mr Reeves!
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Not only have you wasted ministry time
0:15:38 > 0:15:42by having a tuneless warble during working hours,
0:15:42 > 0:15:45but you have ruined my shoes!
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Ha-ha! Will you be putting that in your report?
0:15:48 > 0:15:50THEY LAUGH
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Ha-ha(!) Might I remind you, Mr Reeves -
0:15:53 > 0:15:57I am here to help the Megaboss decide whether this ministry
0:15:57 > 0:15:59should stay open or be closed down!
0:15:59 > 0:16:03I suggest you get on with some work. Now!
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Yes, yes, yes, yes, blah, blah.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08Give us another shoe fact.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12Well, the footprints left by the Apollo astronauts
0:16:12 > 0:16:14are still visible on the moon after 40 years.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18Yes, the tracks are still there because there's no wind on the moon.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21However, in the future, the tracks might be disturbed
0:16:21 > 0:16:23by meteor showers or something, but failing that,
0:16:23 > 0:16:28scientists think they should be there for at least another million years.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32I'm going to take a look at that on the ministry telescope.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Ah, yes.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38And there she is - the moon, in all her glory.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42And there's the footprint. Yes, and...
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Hang on - what's this?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46A gorilla dancing with an astronaut?
0:16:46 > 0:16:49- Who's leading?- I don't know.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51The gorilla, I think.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53BOTH: Naturally.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Length-Width, would you care to...?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Mr Reeves, I'd love to.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Then let us.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02MUSIC PLAYS
0:17:02 > 0:17:03- MUSIC STOPS - Right, that's enough of that.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06If you want to dance, do it on your own time.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08What do you think this is, Strictly Come Dancing?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- THEY START TO SPEAK - No.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12It's time to extract the facts.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Dear Joshua, I'm delighted to enclose
0:17:15 > 0:17:18some curious stuff about shoes. We found out that...
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Shoe facts extracted, so what's next?
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Mr Frazernagle, calls on the switchboard I hope?
0:17:47 > 0:17:50I've got a great call on line two.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52- PHONE RINGS - Thank you.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01How might I be of resource in this forthcoming matter?
0:18:01 > 0:18:02Hello, Mr Reeves. My name is Zach
0:18:02 > 0:18:06and I'd like to know some curious stuff about teenagers.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Oh-ho-ho, thank you, Zach.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Goodbye.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14Zach wants to know about teenagers.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Teenagers. Give me strength.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25We were all teenagers once.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29- Speak for yourself. - Were you a good teenager, Mr Reeves?
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- I was a very bad boy, actually. - What sort of things did you do?
0:18:32 > 0:18:34- Pulling ponytails.- Did you enjoy it?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36I enjoyed it, but the ponies didn't.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38THEY LAUGH
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Get on with it!
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Right, curious facts on teenagers, please.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51I've got one here, Mr Reeves, about a certain Alexander the Great.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Now, he was a teenager with immense responsibility.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57His father left him to rule the whole of Macedonia.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01Oh, yes. During this time, rebels within his empire attacked.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Alexander and his army defeated them
0:19:03 > 0:19:06and he renamed the conquered city after himself -
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Alexandroupolis - and all this by the time he was just 16.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Well, he sounds like a very determined young man.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16- I'd like to meet him. - Alexander the Great arriving in X5.
0:19:20 > 0:19:25Ha-ha! Hello. Would you and your little friend care for some squash?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27A choccy biccy?
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Don't talk to me like we's a pair of Cbeebies.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Alex the Great will not tolerate this kind of disrespect, you get me?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35And she ain't my little friend.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37She's Laquesha, my second in command.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Ain't that right, Laquesha?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Straight up. L to the A to the Quesha.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43I wanted to talk to you about how you became
0:19:43 > 0:19:47the head of the Macedonian army aged 16.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51You must have been such a brave and clever little lad.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52You know what, Granddad?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- Playtime is over. Boom!- Boom!
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Ah, right. OK then.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Well, boom - I just conquered the street where you live.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04You can't conquer the houses on the street where we live
0:20:04 > 0:20:06- with our mums and dads and that. - Yeah? You want to bet?
0:20:06 > 0:20:11You are within the confines of the Ministry of Curious Stuff
0:20:11 > 0:20:14and I can find out anything. Miss Teaparty?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Thank you.
0:20:17 > 0:20:22Ha-ha-ha-ha! You are not even called Laquesha!
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Your name is Glenda Parsnip.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Consider yourselves well and truly conquered.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- Ba-boom!- Shame.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34You can't conquer me. I'm Xander the Great.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36I'll conquer your... I'll conquer something, yeah?
0:20:36 > 0:20:40- Bruv, bruv, bruv. Come, come, come. - All right, geez.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42THEY WHISPER
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Tight. Touch, touch, touch, touch.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Listen, bruv - I'm sorry about that little misunderstanding, there.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53I didn't realise that you was tight with my boy here.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Bygones, yeah?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57HONK
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Is it?
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- See you at nature club. - Yeah, big time, innit?
0:21:03 > 0:21:07- Bye, Laquesha.- Bye. - Let's roll.- Yeah.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Pull your trousers up.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- Nature club? - Yeah, I've got my secrets, innit?
0:21:12 > 0:21:13You don't own me, fool.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17I knew this day would come sooner or later. Our kid's growing up.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21In fact, it's Captain Length-Width's 13th birthday today,
0:21:21 > 0:21:25so we should see him turning into a teenager any second...
0:21:25 > 0:21:28QUACK
0:21:28 > 0:21:30I'm not sure whether that was it or not.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34Give me some curious facts about teenagers.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Well, Mr Reeves, according to a study from 2008,
0:21:37 > 0:21:4198% of teenagers lie to their parents.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- Do you lie?- No.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45- Was that a lie?- No.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47- What's your name?- Justin Bieber.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49- THE Justin Bieber?- Yes.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51What's that?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53It's an octopus.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Yeah, I just can't tell. We'll have to put that down as a "don't know".
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Give me another interesting fact about teenagers.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05One study found that the real reason for a moody eye-rolling
0:22:05 > 0:22:07is because the part of the brain that deals with reason
0:22:07 > 0:22:09hasn't fully developed yet in teenagers.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12In the two minutes since Captain Length-Width became a teenager,
0:22:12 > 0:22:15his eyes haven't stopped rolling at everything I've said.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19Don't think I can't see you rolling your eyes!
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- What happened to you, Length-Width? - This is not fair!
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Why is it always my fault?!
0:22:24 > 0:22:26SNORES
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Length-Width? Length-Width? Length-Width? Length-Width?
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Length-Width? Do know what?
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Since he's turned into a teenager, I don't understand him any more.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Well, Mr Reeves, teenagers will have odd sleeping patterns.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41This is because of the hormone, melatonin, which makes us sleepy.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45Now, in adults, melatonin is released in the early evening.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48But in teenagers it's released closer to around 1am,
0:22:48 > 0:22:50so they're more likely to sleep late into the day.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Do you know what?
0:22:52 > 0:22:55I've always wondered what Captain Length-Width dreams about.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Hang on a minute, where's that dream receiver I got in the catalogue?
0:22:58 > 0:23:01There it is, there. Right...
0:23:01 > 0:23:05Let's see what he dreams about, shall we?
0:23:05 > 0:23:08I think you'll find that horses are better than kettles.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Not if you want a cup of tea!
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Well, you can't ride a kettle to market, can you?
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- You can't boil a horse. - And horses have faces.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19- All you've got is a spout. - I could paint a face.- Never!
0:23:21 > 0:23:23What a really strange dream.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27Hang on a minute, that actually happened to me at the weekend.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31Which reminds me, I must call that cupcake.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34I don't wish to hear about your personal life, Mr Reeves.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Let's get back to business.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Listen to this curious teenage fact, Mr Reeves.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Justin Bieber is the richest teen in show business,
0:23:42 > 0:23:48having made an astounding 53 million in 2012 alone.
0:23:48 > 0:23:54Justin, reportedly, spends 1,400 a month on haircuts.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Ooh! Do you know what would be my biggest dream come true,
0:23:56 > 0:24:00- if I could only meet Justin Bieber? - DOORBELL RINGS
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Apparently Justin Bieber has just arrived in G1!
0:24:02 > 0:24:05HE SCREAMS
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Well, send him in then.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10SCREAMING
0:24:10 > 0:24:12All right don't do it, OK? Are you hearing me?
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Do it or don't do it, because frankly, I couldn't care less.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Oh, hey - you're not Justin Bieber.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22Hello, hello how you? I'm Ronnie Starr, Justin Bieber's agent. OK?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24First things first, before you meet Justin,
0:24:24 > 0:24:28here are the ground rules, OK? One, you don't look at Justin.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31OK? Two, you don't talk to Justin.
0:24:31 > 0:24:36- Three, you don't call Justin, "Justin", OK?- Yeah.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40Break any of those rules and the interview is over. OK?
0:24:40 > 0:24:45- I suppose so.- OK. Justin, we're ready - out you come!
0:24:45 > 0:24:47SCREAMING
0:24:47 > 0:24:50# Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
0:24:50 > 0:24:53# Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
0:24:53 > 0:24:57# Baby, baby, baby - wooh! #
0:24:57 > 0:25:01That's not Justin Bieber, that's Captain Length-Width!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03What did I say to you a moment ago, huh? What did I say?
0:25:03 > 0:25:07I said, "Don't look at him." I said, "Don't talk to him", didn't I?
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Didn't I say that? This interview is over!
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Is anyone eating this octopus?
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Come on, Justin.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23SCREAMING
0:25:28 > 0:25:32Yes! I was right, it is you, Length-Width, isn't it?
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Well, at least I had a go!
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I can't keep up with today's nonsense.
0:25:37 > 0:25:42Perhaps it's time for a reality check. Let's extract the facts.
0:25:42 > 0:25:48Dear Zach, I'm delighted to enclose some curious stuff about teenagers.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50We found out that...
0:26:07 > 0:26:10That's curious stuff about teenagers.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14And that is how you extracto the factos.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Thank you, Miss Bracegirdle.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Oh, no, no, no, no, thank you, Mr Reeves.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22What a busy boy you've been today.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24It's all gone in my little reportee.
0:26:24 > 0:26:29"Number one, mucking about in tree trunk trousers.
0:26:29 > 0:26:34"Number two, impersonating a teenage heartthrob.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38"And three" - oh, let's not forget this one -
0:26:38 > 0:26:42"you made soup of my beautiful shoes."
0:26:42 > 0:26:45But, I must admit,
0:26:45 > 0:26:49we have had found some stupendously curious facts.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Yes, we have. We have indeed.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Well done everybody. But I'm afraid now it's time to go.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Don't forget to post our findings to our callers, Mr Reeves.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00- Of course. Thank you. - What are you up to tonight?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Tonight I am going home to watch my favourite film,
0:27:03 > 0:27:08Princess Fairy Adventure. I mean, um...Cops In Action!
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Tough Cops In Action, something like that.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Goodbye.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17- Goodbye, everybody!- Bye, Mr Reeves!
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd