Episode 9

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0:00:02 > 0:00:03PHONE RINGS

0:00:05 > 0:00:10Here at the Ministry Of Curious Stuff, we explore any subject you

0:00:10 > 0:00:14desire and deliver top-quality curious facts.

0:00:17 > 0:00:20On hand our dedicated team, Lovett, Teaparty,

0:00:20 > 0:00:23Frazernagle on the calls, Wannamaker in the walls

0:00:23 > 0:00:27and of course Captain Length-Width.

0:00:33 > 0:00:36That's Miss Bracegirdle.

0:00:36 > 0:00:39She's been sent by head office to investigate our work

0:00:39 > 0:00:41and compile a report.

0:00:41 > 0:00:43If we fail to impress, the Megaboss

0:00:43 > 0:00:44will shut the Ministry down.

0:00:47 > 0:00:51Let's not dilly-dally. There's lots to do.

0:00:51 > 0:00:54Welcome to the Ministry Of Curious Stuff.

0:00:56 > 0:00:58- Good morning, everybody. - Good morning, Mr Reeves.

0:00:58 > 0:01:01- Morning, Mr Reeves. - Morning, Mr Reeves.

0:01:01 > 0:01:02Good morning, Mr Reeves.

0:01:02 > 0:01:05Miss Teaparty, what are the headlines please?

0:01:05 > 0:01:08Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone.

0:01:08 > 0:01:11Turtles can breathe through their bottoms.

0:01:11 > 0:01:13And you appear to have stepped in something.

0:01:13 > 0:01:18I've got something on my shoe. I know. Have you been there all night?

0:01:18 > 0:01:23- Yes, I am exhausted.- Well, get off. - OK.- Get in your position.- All right,

0:01:23 > 0:01:25- I'm going. - You've been there all night.

0:01:25 > 0:01:28I knew I had something on my shoe.

0:01:28 > 0:01:32Captain Length-Width, while you are there could you guide me in, please?

0:01:32 > 0:01:33Yes, of course.

0:01:33 > 0:01:36Are you receiving me, over?

0:01:36 > 0:01:38Receiving loud and clear, over and out.

0:01:38 > 0:01:41This is Length-Width at control tower.

0:01:41 > 0:01:44The weather is slightly squally showers

0:01:44 > 0:01:46with a slight crosswind.

0:01:46 > 0:01:48- Get on with it. - Make your final descent.

0:01:48 > 0:01:51Bank right, bank right, bank right, right, right, right,

0:01:51 > 0:01:54hard right, hard right.

0:01:54 > 0:01:58Steady, straighten up, steady as she goes, descend, descend

0:01:58 > 0:02:02bank right, bank right now, steady, move to your left a bit.

0:02:02 > 0:02:06Crab across. That's it. Right sit down.

0:02:06 > 0:02:09Mr Reeves, welcome to the Ministry.

0:02:09 > 0:02:11Thank you for flying Length-Width Airs.

0:02:11 > 0:02:13We hope you enjoyed your journey.

0:02:13 > 0:02:18If you are travelling onwards, please have a very lovely time.

0:02:18 > 0:02:20- Thank you very much.- Pleasure.

0:02:20 > 0:02:21Mr Reeves, when you

0:02:21 > 0:02:25and your gibbon are quite finished larking around, there is work to do.

0:02:25 > 0:02:27- Calls to answer.- Thank you, Miss Bracegirdle.

0:02:34 > 0:02:38- Good morning, Mr Frazernagle. - Morning, Mr Reeves.

0:02:38 > 0:02:40Any calls coming through on the switchboard?

0:02:40 > 0:02:42I have got a call coming through on line two.

0:02:42 > 0:02:45I will connect you at the speed of light.

0:02:45 > 0:02:46PHONE RINGS

0:02:46 > 0:02:48Thank you.

0:02:48 > 0:02:51Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry Of Curious Stuff.

0:02:51 > 0:02:55How might I be of service to your proposed Q&A?

0:02:55 > 0:02:57Hello, Mr Reeves.

0:02:57 > 0:03:01My name is Tatiana and I'd like to know some curious stuff about magic.

0:03:01 > 0:03:04Thank you, Tatiana. Thanks a lot. Bye.

0:03:04 > 0:03:09Tatiana would like to know some curious facts about magic.

0:03:09 > 0:03:12Let's see what we can find.

0:03:18 > 0:03:20So, Lovett, is magic real?

0:03:20 > 0:03:22Well, Mr Reeves, this is fantastic.

0:03:22 > 0:03:24Scientists from Imperial College London

0:03:24 > 0:03:27are working on a device called an event cloak.

0:03:27 > 0:03:29Basically, it slows down light so much

0:03:29 > 0:03:31that the viewer can't see anything.

0:03:31 > 0:03:34It's an invisibility cloak.

0:03:34 > 0:03:37Ah, an invisibility cloak. I'd like to see one of those.

0:03:37 > 0:03:41- 'Look no further, Mr Reeves.' - Length-Width. Where are you?

0:03:41 > 0:03:43'Right in front of you.

0:03:43 > 0:03:46'Don't believe me? Think I'm talking baloney?

0:03:46 > 0:03:47'Look at the pen.'

0:03:51 > 0:03:53I don't believe my eyes.

0:03:53 > 0:03:56'Yes. Let's put the pen back down again.'

0:03:59 > 0:04:03'Wait a couple of seconds and then pick it up again.'

0:04:04 > 0:04:08Wow! Length-Width, have you seen this?

0:04:08 > 0:04:09You are invisible.

0:04:11 > 0:04:13Wait a minute.

0:04:14 > 0:04:20Length-Width, how could you make a mockery out of invisibility?

0:04:20 > 0:04:23I'm sorry, Mr Reeves. I just wanted you to think I was cool.

0:04:23 > 0:04:25- Now, you look here. - No, you look here.

0:04:25 > 0:04:28Mr Reeves, for goodness' sake,

0:04:28 > 0:04:31remember I am compiling a report for the Megaboss.

0:04:31 > 0:04:35All this messing around doesn't do you or your pet monkey any favours.

0:04:35 > 0:04:37Thank you, Miss Bracegirdle.

0:04:37 > 0:04:42Miss Teaparty, spellbind me with more magic facts.

0:04:42 > 0:04:45Two Italian magicians, Walter and Piero,

0:04:45 > 0:04:48set the record for the most rabbits pulled out of a hat.

0:04:48 > 0:04:50300 in 30 minutes.

0:04:50 > 0:04:54Why didn't they save time and just pull out one great big rabbit?

0:04:54 > 0:04:56DOORBELL

0:04:56 > 0:05:00Large bunny in Z32.

0:05:02 > 0:05:05- Hi, how can I help? - You're a good-sized rabbit, like.

0:05:05 > 0:05:07- Thanks, I have been working out. - Good on you.

0:05:07 > 0:05:10I bet you've worked with a few musicians in your time.

0:05:10 > 0:05:13Any magician you can think of - they call me.

0:05:13 > 0:05:15They've got me on speed-dial. I'm the best in the business.

0:05:15 > 0:05:17You know what I mean?

0:05:17 > 0:05:18Can you tell me

0:05:18 > 0:05:21how does the old pulling the rabbit out of the hat work?

0:05:21 > 0:05:23I don't know that. Why do you think I'd know that?

0:05:23 > 0:05:26You must have been pulled out of plenty of top hats in your time.

0:05:26 > 0:05:29I have never been pulled out of a top hat in my life.

0:05:29 > 0:05:31I am quite offended by that.

0:05:31 > 0:05:33- But you've worked with loads of magicians.- Yes, I have.

0:05:33 > 0:05:35So what trick do you do with them?

0:05:35 > 0:05:38- Oh no, I'm not in the act. - What do you do?

0:05:38 > 0:05:42I'm an accountant. I look after the money. Do you know what I mean?

0:05:42 > 0:05:46- An accountant?- Yes.- A rabbit accountant?- Yes. How many times?

0:05:48 > 0:05:50That's ridiculous.

0:05:50 > 0:05:54Everybody knows if you're going to use an animal accountant,

0:05:54 > 0:05:56- you use an owl.- Naturally.

0:05:56 > 0:05:59Mr Reeves, there is an organisation for magicians called

0:05:59 > 0:06:02the Magic Circle. Do you know who the most famous member is?

0:06:02 > 0:06:04I don't know. Your mum?

0:06:04 > 0:06:07Well yes, actually my mother is a member of the Magic Circle,

0:06:07 > 0:06:09but she doesn't like to talk about it.

0:06:09 > 0:06:12Anyway, perhaps the most famous member of the Magic Circle is

0:06:12 > 0:06:14none other than Prince Charles.

0:06:14 > 0:06:18HE HUMS

0:06:21 > 0:06:22Ooh.

0:06:26 > 0:06:30Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

0:06:30 > 0:06:35- I need a volunteer. Please. - HE MIMICS APPLAUSE

0:06:37 > 0:06:43- What's your name?- Mummy.- And we have never met before, have we, Mummy?

0:06:43 > 0:06:47What are you talking about? Of course we've met.

0:06:47 > 0:06:49Please go along with it.

0:06:49 > 0:06:53All right then. No, Charles, Prince of Magic,

0:06:53 > 0:06:57- I have never met you before. Ever, ever.- Good.

0:06:57 > 0:07:01So if you would like to step into this box, I shall perform

0:07:01 > 0:07:06a dangerous sawing-someone-in-half-trick.

0:07:08 > 0:07:11Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. Time out.

0:07:11 > 0:07:18This isn't part of some plan of yours to "accidentally" saw me in half

0:07:18 > 0:07:21so you finally become King, is it?

0:07:23 > 0:07:28Why would you...? Really, Mummy, why would you even

0:07:28 > 0:07:32think such a thing? Hmm? Oh!

0:07:34 > 0:07:37Miss Teaparty, any more interesting

0:07:37 > 0:07:39and curious facts about magic, please?

0:07:39 > 0:07:42Well, Mr Reeves, if you'd care to take a look,

0:07:42 > 0:07:46world famous magician David Copperfield made

0:07:46 > 0:07:51the Statue of Liberty disappear in front of a live audience in 1983.

0:07:51 > 0:07:54Look, guys, I hate to burst your bubbles and everything.

0:07:54 > 0:07:56Magic is trendy and cool et cetera,

0:07:56 > 0:08:00but it is all just jiggery-pokery and cheeky shenanigans.

0:08:00 > 0:08:04- True proper magic isn't real at all. - Not so fast!

0:08:04 > 0:08:10I have kept this secret for many years, but now it is time to

0:08:10 > 0:08:11reveal the truth.

0:08:11 > 0:08:18For I can prove that magic, spells and sorcery really exist,

0:08:18 > 0:08:25as I, Vic Reeves, am a real live wizard.

0:08:27 > 0:08:33But it is wizards' law that I may reveal my magical skills to

0:08:33 > 0:08:37mere mortals but once in a lifetime.

0:08:37 > 0:08:40Tonight you shall witness mine.

0:08:40 > 0:08:43Look, everybody, there is a squirrel having a fight with

0:08:43 > 0:08:46a pigeon over there by the bins. WHACKING

0:08:46 > 0:08:49Behold my magical powers!

0:08:49 > 0:08:51WHACKING

0:08:51 > 0:08:53- That's good!- That's amazing.

0:08:55 > 0:08:57Wonderful.

0:08:59 > 0:09:01I love it.

0:09:03 > 0:09:06Have you ever seen anything like that?

0:09:06 > 0:09:10- That is...- I love it, I really do.

0:09:10 > 0:09:13It really is something else. That really is the best thing ever.

0:09:14 > 0:09:16There, what do you think of that, then?

0:09:16 > 0:09:20That was the most exhilarating thing I have seen in years.

0:09:20 > 0:09:22Really accomplished work.

0:09:22 > 0:09:25I'd watch it all over again if I could. It was wonderful.

0:09:25 > 0:09:27Of course I knew the squirrel was going to win

0:09:27 > 0:09:30because it's the upper body strength, isn't it?

0:09:30 > 0:09:35Plus he had a cricket bat, which rather stacks the odds.

0:09:35 > 0:09:37That's a nice hat.

0:09:37 > 0:09:40Sometimes I don't know why I bother.

0:09:42 > 0:09:47Yes, well, unfortunately for you, I've just finished writing a very

0:09:47 > 0:09:49detailed and scathing report

0:09:49 > 0:09:51about this morning's ridiculous shenanigans.

0:09:51 > 0:09:55Shall we at least see if we can extract some facts?

0:09:56 > 0:09:59"Dear Tatiana, I'm delighted to enclose

0:09:59 > 0:10:01"some curious stuff about magic.

0:10:01 > 0:10:03"We learned that scientists at

0:10:03 > 0:10:04"Imperial College London

0:10:04 > 0:10:07"are working on a real-life invisibility cloak.

0:10:07 > 0:10:11"The record for the most rabbits pulled out of a hat is 300

0:10:11 > 0:10:13"in 30 minutes.

0:10:13 > 0:10:16"Prince Charles is a member of the Magic Circle.

0:10:16 > 0:10:19"In 1983, David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty

0:10:19 > 0:10:22"disappear in front of a live audience."

0:10:22 > 0:10:26So that's curious stuff about magic. What's next?

0:10:28 > 0:10:32- Welcome to the ministry canteen. - Hello, Mrs Dollop.- It's "Do-LOPE".

0:10:32 > 0:10:37- What can I get for you, sweetheart? - Can I have the roast, please?

0:10:37 > 0:10:39Tony! Roast!

0:10:39 > 0:10:40Roast!

0:10:40 > 0:10:42GRUNTING

0:10:42 > 0:10:44No, that's my passport.

0:10:44 > 0:10:46GRUNTING

0:10:46 > 0:10:49I can't do everything for you, you careless cucumber!

0:10:49 > 0:10:54Did you know that King Charles II's favourite dish

0:10:54 > 0:10:56was a whale's vomit and eggs?

0:10:56 > 0:10:58Mm. Lovely.

0:10:58 > 0:11:02What on planet Earth is that?

0:11:02 > 0:11:03That is not a roast, Tony.

0:11:03 > 0:11:07That is a bucket of gravy with peanuts floating in it.

0:11:07 > 0:11:10What weirdo is going to want to eat that?

0:11:10 > 0:11:11TONY GRUNTS

0:11:13 > 0:11:16- Oh, it ain't half bad.- Can I try?

0:11:16 > 0:11:20Oi! Get your own peanut surprise, you pea!

0:11:20 > 0:11:23Kitchen is closed for training. Get out!

0:11:25 > 0:11:29OK, Mr Frazernagle, any calls on the switchboard?

0:11:29 > 0:11:32Call coming through on line one. Putting you through.

0:11:32 > 0:11:34PHONE RINGS

0:11:34 > 0:11:35Yes.

0:11:35 > 0:11:38Hello, hello, this is Vic Reeves here

0:11:38 > 0:11:40at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.

0:11:40 > 0:11:43How might I be of convenience to your concern?

0:11:43 > 0:11:47Hello, Mr Reeves. My name is Zac and I would like to know

0:11:47 > 0:11:49some curious stuff about brains.

0:11:49 > 0:11:51Thank you very much. Thanks a lot.

0:11:51 > 0:11:54Goodbye.

0:11:54 > 0:11:57Zac wants to know some curious stuff about brains.

0:12:03 > 0:12:07- Length-Width?- Hm? - You've got a brain, haven't you?

0:12:07 > 0:12:10No, no, I haven't got a brain but my next door neighbour, June,

0:12:10 > 0:12:12she lives with a brain.

0:12:12 > 0:12:13Bit weird, isn't it?

0:12:13 > 0:12:16That's a BRIAN. A Brian.

0:12:16 > 0:12:21- Brian.- Brian. Not brain, Brian. You don't half talk a load of rubbish.

0:12:21 > 0:12:26- Yes, I know. I know.- Come on. Any Curious stuff about brains, please?

0:12:26 > 0:12:31Well, Mr Reeves, there are 400 miles of blood vessels in the brain.

0:12:31 > 0:12:39- 400 miles?- Imagine this. 400 miles of sausages laid end to end.

0:12:39 > 0:12:44- Oh, my goodness.- Yes.- My goodness. - Yes.- Oh, my goodness. My goodness.

0:12:44 > 0:12:46Do you remember when we did that?

0:12:46 > 0:12:49- Oh, yes, I do. - That was a waste of time, wasn't it?

0:12:49 > 0:12:51Three days we'll never get back.

0:12:51 > 0:12:53THEY LAUGH

0:12:53 > 0:12:54KNOCKING

0:12:54 > 0:12:58- What was that?- It seems to be coming from next door.- Next door?

0:12:58 > 0:13:00Yes. It's a sea squirt in Z32.

0:13:00 > 0:13:03Do you mind?

0:13:03 > 0:13:06- Not at all.- Could you please keep the noise down?

0:13:06 > 0:13:10- If you don't like it, move. - Yes, move.

0:13:10 > 0:13:14I would love to, believe me, but I've only gone and eaten

0:13:14 > 0:13:17a part of my brain that controls movement, haven't I?

0:13:17 > 0:13:20- That's unlucky.- Yes it is, isn't it?- I think I can help you there.

0:13:20 > 0:13:22A sea squirt is a creature that lives on the ocean floor.

0:13:22 > 0:13:25Once they have found a place to settle they no longer need to

0:13:25 > 0:13:27move and so they digest the part of their brain

0:13:27 > 0:13:29that controls movement.

0:13:29 > 0:13:34- We'll try our very best to keep the noise down stop.- Please do.

0:13:34 > 0:13:38She's quite the hostile, isn't she?

0:13:38 > 0:13:41I don't blame her with all the racket you lot are making.

0:13:41 > 0:13:45(OK, any more curious stuff about brains?)

0:13:45 > 0:13:48- Do you know which animal has the smallest brain?- Length-Width?

0:13:48 > 0:13:53Yes. I second that, definitely. He's a pelican and between you and me

0:13:53 > 0:13:57I think I know that he is the one that's been eating all your sherbet.

0:13:58 > 0:14:03No, actually. According to scientists, it's the fruit fly.

0:14:03 > 0:14:05DOORBELL

0:14:05 > 0:14:07Fruit fly buzzing in X5, Mr Reeves.

0:14:07 > 0:14:08BUZZING

0:14:13 > 0:14:16Right, you allegedly have the smallest brain

0:14:16 > 0:14:17in the animal kingdom.

0:14:17 > 0:14:20Do other animals look down on you, treat you differently,

0:14:20 > 0:14:22call you names?

0:14:22 > 0:14:24If so, how does it affect you?

0:14:24 > 0:14:30FLY BLOWS LENGTHY RASPBERRY

0:14:32 > 0:14:35Right, thank you, I think that answers my questions.

0:14:35 > 0:14:36Thank you and goodbye.

0:14:36 > 0:14:38BUZZING

0:14:40 > 0:14:41I could get on with him.

0:14:41 > 0:14:45Come on. Any more curious stuff about brains, please?

0:14:45 > 0:14:49Yes, Mr Reeves, the human brain processes six basic emotions.

0:14:49 > 0:14:55Happiness, surprise, fear, sadness, disgust, and anger.

0:14:55 > 0:14:59- Which, interestingly, is also the names of the seven dwarfs.- What?

0:14:59 > 0:15:00No, they are not.

0:15:00 > 0:15:03- It is.- They're not.- Is too. - They're not.- Is too.

0:15:03 > 0:15:05- They're not.- Is too. - They're not.- Is too.

0:15:05 > 0:15:07Look, I'll prove it. Snow White!

0:15:07 > 0:15:11- What?- What are the names of your seven dwarfs?

0:15:11 > 0:15:16Happiness, Fear, Surprise, Sadness, Anger and Disgust.

0:15:16 > 0:15:18- See?- That's only six.

0:15:18 > 0:15:21Yes, I know. I'm not stupid. I can count.

0:15:21 > 0:15:24- What's the seventh one called? - Terry.

0:15:24 > 0:15:26And you expect me to believe that?

0:15:26 > 0:15:29I don't care if you don't believe it. It don't bother me.

0:15:29 > 0:15:31I'm Snow White. I'm marrying a prince.

0:15:31 > 0:15:34Hands up anyone else around here who is marrying a prince.

0:15:35 > 0:15:41No-one. Exactly. He's well fit, he's loaded, and he's got a car.

0:15:41 > 0:15:42CLATTER

0:15:42 > 0:15:46Terry, get down off that shelf! You know you're not allowed up there.

0:15:46 > 0:15:50I put the biscuits up there for a reason.

0:15:50 > 0:15:51He's got a nut allergy. Terry!

0:15:51 > 0:15:54Moving on, what else do we know about brains?

0:15:54 > 0:15:57Research at the University of California has estimated

0:15:57 > 0:16:00that on average most individuals have over 70,000 thoughts per day

0:16:00 > 0:16:03and that the majority of these thoughts are the same thoughts

0:16:03 > 0:16:05they had the previous day.

0:16:05 > 0:16:06Yes, I have heard about this,

0:16:06 > 0:16:08and to test it out, for the last 24 hours

0:16:08 > 0:16:10I have had Captain Length-Width wired up

0:16:10 > 0:16:14to a beautiful state-of-the-art hi-tech thought recorder.

0:16:14 > 0:16:19I simply press play here and we should hear all of his thoughts.

0:16:20 > 0:16:23CHIRPING

0:16:28 > 0:16:32'I wish I was half robot, half penguin.'

0:16:32 > 0:16:35Whoa! That's freaky, because so do I.

0:16:41 > 0:16:43MUSIC PLAYS

0:16:43 > 0:16:47# 70,000 thoughts today The same thoughts I had yesterday

0:16:47 > 0:16:51# The day before and last Tuesday The same old thing

0:16:51 > 0:16:55# Very little to think about Just 70,000 thoughts of nowt

0:16:55 > 0:16:59# Just sitting staring at the clouds Same old thing

0:16:59 > 0:17:02# Thinking about the things I thought

0:17:02 > 0:17:04# Most of it adds up to nought

0:17:04 > 0:17:08# 70,000 thoughts about nothing

0:17:16 > 0:17:18# Zero, zilch, not a thing

0:17:18 > 0:17:20# Gosh, these undies don't half cling

0:17:20 > 0:17:28# Oh, I just thought about something. #

0:17:31 > 0:17:36Oi! I'm going to complain to the council about this.

0:17:36 > 0:17:40Mr Reeves, stop all that warbling and prancing about.

0:17:40 > 0:17:43You've already got the Megaboss breathing down your neck

0:17:43 > 0:17:46and now you've got a complaint going to the council.

0:17:46 > 0:17:49It's not looking good for you, is it? Extract the facts.

0:17:49 > 0:17:54"Dear Zac, I'm delighted to enclose some curious stuff about brains.

0:17:54 > 0:17:59"We have found that there are 400 miles of blood vessel in the brain.

0:17:59 > 0:18:02"Once a sea squirt has found a place to settle they digest

0:18:02 > 0:18:05"the part of the brain that controls movement.

0:18:05 > 0:18:09"And fruit flies have the smallest brain in the animal kingdom."

0:18:09 > 0:18:12That's curious stuff about brains. What next?

0:18:12 > 0:18:15Frazernagle, any calls on the line yet?

0:18:15 > 0:18:18There is a call on line one, Mr Reeves.

0:18:18 > 0:18:20- I will connect you presently. - Thank you.

0:18:20 > 0:18:22PHONE RINGS

0:18:22 > 0:18:25Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry Of Curious Stuff.

0:18:25 > 0:18:28How might I be of convenience to you?

0:18:28 > 0:18:30Hello, Mr Reeves, my name is India

0:18:30 > 0:18:33and I would like to know some curious stuff about noise.

0:18:33 > 0:18:36Oh! Thank you very much, India. A very good question.

0:18:36 > 0:18:40Thank you. Goodbye. Goodbye.

0:18:40 > 0:18:44India would like to know some curious facts about NOISE.

0:18:44 > 0:18:48WHOOPING

0:18:48 > 0:18:51Are you joking? Noise.

0:18:51 > 0:18:55(How are we going to explore noise if we can't make any?)

0:18:55 > 0:18:59- Poor Mr Reeves. - Let's see what we can find, then.

0:19:04 > 0:19:08What curious stuff have we discovered about noise?

0:19:08 > 0:19:11It seems that our sea squirt isn't the only one who has

0:19:11 > 0:19:14a problem with noise.

0:19:14 > 0:19:17It says here that some people have a form of sound intolerance

0:19:17 > 0:19:20called misophonia and that means they are highly sensitive or even

0:19:20 > 0:19:24annoyed by ordinary sounds such as eating,

0:19:24 > 0:19:26breathing, leg tapping or typing.

0:19:26 > 0:19:31Do not fear - I have the answer here. It's the Noiseaway 3000.

0:19:31 > 0:19:33All I need is a willing volunteer.

0:19:33 > 0:19:38Debbie Quiet loaded in G1 for you, Mr Reeves. Shh.

0:19:42 > 0:19:44HELLO, DEBBIE! Was that too loud?

0:19:44 > 0:19:48- It was a little bit loud, yes.- I'm sorry.

0:19:48 > 0:19:49It had to be done.

0:19:49 > 0:19:54You see, I'm a scientist and before we fit the Noiseaway 3000

0:19:54 > 0:20:01- I want to conduct a few little experiments.- OK.- OK.

0:20:01 > 0:20:03Let's start small.

0:20:03 > 0:20:05An apple.

0:20:05 > 0:20:06CRUNCH

0:20:09 > 0:20:14- How was that, then?- I love apples, yes.- How about this?

0:20:14 > 0:20:16Peter Piper picked a jar of pickled eggs

0:20:16 > 0:20:18off the shelf and ate them.

0:20:18 > 0:20:21How was that? Did you feel annoyed by that?

0:20:21 > 0:20:25- I love Peter Piper. It was fine. - All right. How about this?

0:20:25 > 0:20:26GONG

0:20:26 > 0:20:31- Gongs! I like them! - Did that get your goat?

0:20:31 > 0:20:33- I love gongs.- Ooh!

0:20:34 > 0:20:37PARPING

0:20:37 > 0:20:41- How about that, then? - I've heard worse. I love the tuba.

0:20:41 > 0:20:47Do you know what? You do my head in. Have you got misophonia or what?

0:20:47 > 0:20:49What is misophonia?

0:20:51 > 0:20:54I'm sorry. I think there must have been a mix-up.

0:20:54 > 0:20:56I've got no sense of smell.

0:20:56 > 0:21:01- Perhaps I should just leave. - I think you should, yes.

0:21:01 > 0:21:03I think you should leave right now.

0:21:03 > 0:21:06Oh, dear, Mr Reeves.

0:21:06 > 0:21:10What a terrible waste of Ministry time that turned out to be.

0:21:10 > 0:21:13I know! I'll put it in the report, shall I?

0:21:13 > 0:21:16What am I going to do with all these Noiseaway 3000s?

0:21:16 > 0:21:20- That was a bit of a waste, wasn't it?- Hang on, Mr Reeves.

0:21:20 > 0:21:21It's just an idea.

0:21:21 > 0:21:24Do you not think the sea squirt might benefit

0:21:24 > 0:21:25from the Noiseaway 3000?

0:21:28 > 0:21:29I've got an idea.

0:21:29 > 0:21:32Does anyone think that maybe the sea squirt might

0:21:32 > 0:21:35benefit from the Noiseaway 3000?

0:21:35 > 0:21:42- That's a good idea. Bravo. - Thank you. Mrs Sea Squirt?- What?

0:21:42 > 0:21:44I've got something for you.

0:21:47 > 0:21:49How's that?

0:21:52 > 0:21:54Another satisfied customer.

0:21:54 > 0:21:57Who else has got some curious facts about noise?

0:21:57 > 0:22:02Depending on air temperature, did you know the speed of sound

0:22:02 > 0:22:04is around 767 mph?

0:22:04 > 0:22:08Is it? We'll see about that.

0:22:08 > 0:22:13Length-Width, be a dear and run at 767 miles an hour for us, would you?

0:22:13 > 0:22:16- How could I ever say no to that face? - Good. Right.

0:22:16 > 0:22:19On your marks, get set...

0:22:25 > 0:22:28BOOM

0:22:28 > 0:22:32- What's that noise?- When an object goes faster than

0:22:32 > 0:22:35the speed of sound, it makes a noise called a sonic boom.

0:22:35 > 0:22:36That was it.

0:22:36 > 0:22:39Length-Width has broken the sound barrier.

0:22:39 > 0:22:42Yes! You can stop now.

0:22:42 > 0:22:44SCREECH

0:22:44 > 0:22:47CRASH

0:22:47 > 0:22:49CLATTER

0:22:49 > 0:22:51HORNS BEEP

0:22:52 > 0:22:55ROARING

0:22:56 > 0:22:58'I'm OK. It's all right.'

0:22:58 > 0:23:01What other curious stuff have we got on noise?

0:23:01 > 0:23:03When travelling through water, sound

0:23:03 > 0:23:07moves approximately four times faster than travelling through air.

0:23:07 > 0:23:10So that's how that octopus spread those rumours about me

0:23:10 > 0:23:15so quickly. I know it was you who told Tracey about my verruca.

0:23:15 > 0:23:18Don't think I don't know.

0:23:18 > 0:23:23I'll make sure you never work in this ocean again.

0:23:25 > 0:23:29I hate... I hate that octopus.

0:23:29 > 0:23:33And yet I admire his confidence immensely.

0:23:33 > 0:23:37Right, what other curious facts about noise have we got?

0:23:37 > 0:23:40According to scientists, the noise you hear

0:23:40 > 0:23:43when you crack your knuckles isn't in fact your bones cracking,

0:23:43 > 0:23:46but it is actually the sound of gas bubbles bursting in your joints.

0:23:46 > 0:23:48Do you mean like when I do this?

0:23:48 > 0:23:49CRACK

0:23:49 > 0:23:51Or this?

0:23:51 > 0:23:52CRUNCH

0:23:52 > 0:23:54Or this?

0:23:54 > 0:23:56CRUNCH

0:23:58 > 0:24:01That's a good one. How about when I do this?

0:24:01 > 0:24:03CRUNCH

0:24:03 > 0:24:07That's pretty good, but check this one out if you dare.

0:24:07 > 0:24:09CRUNCH

0:24:09 > 0:24:14Oh, I felt that! How about if I do this?

0:24:14 > 0:24:16CRUNCH

0:24:21 > 0:24:25You've always got to go a step too far, haven't you?

0:24:25 > 0:24:27I know, but if it means the win...

0:24:27 > 0:24:29THEY LAUGH

0:24:29 > 0:24:31Any more facts about noise, please?

0:24:31 > 0:24:38At 115 decibels, a baby's cry is louder than a car horn.

0:24:38 > 0:24:41Louder than a car horn? I'd like to put that to the test.

0:24:41 > 0:24:43DOORBELL

0:24:43 > 0:24:46Man-Baby Simon in X1.

0:24:46 > 0:24:51Ah, Man-Baby Simon, long time no see. Perhaps you can help us.

0:24:51 > 0:24:53Is a baby's cry louder than a car horn?

0:24:53 > 0:24:57How on earth should I know, you ridiculous little man?

0:24:57 > 0:25:01I'm just a baby. Babies can't drive.

0:25:01 > 0:25:04Pretty lady, I'm completely distracted by the bright

0:25:04 > 0:25:06lovely colours.

0:25:06 > 0:25:09If only we could make him cry.

0:25:09 > 0:25:14I've got an idea. Length-Width, I've got a surprise for you.

0:25:14 > 0:25:16- Is it my long-lost Uncle Boris? - No, it's not, sadly.

0:25:16 > 0:25:18- Do you remember Man-Baby Simon?- Yes.

0:25:18 > 0:25:22Look, I'm not a fan of Man-Baby Simon. I think he's weird.

0:25:22 > 0:25:29- Frankly, he's annoying.- Why don't you like me? My mummy says I'm adorable.

0:25:29 > 0:25:31I've had a good idea.

0:25:31 > 0:25:34I shall stick my sticky fingers up your nose.

0:25:34 > 0:25:36Oh, my nose!

0:25:36 > 0:25:38SQUEAKING

0:25:38 > 0:25:43Yes. Miss Bracegirdle, have you met Man-Baby Simon?

0:25:43 > 0:25:46An ickle baby.

0:25:46 > 0:25:50Goo-goo-goo! Goo-goo-goo!

0:25:50 > 0:25:54Who's a lovely baby? Come to Bracegirdle.

0:25:56 > 0:26:00I'm definitely about to cry.

0:26:00 > 0:26:03Agh!

0:26:03 > 0:26:05HORN BLARES

0:26:05 > 0:26:07Is it louder than a car horn?

0:26:07 > 0:26:11Mr Reeves, can we get rid of him now, please?

0:26:11 > 0:26:14HORN BLARES

0:26:16 > 0:26:18Good. I'm pleased we got that cleared up.

0:26:18 > 0:26:21He must been teething because babies normally adore me.

0:26:21 > 0:26:25Enough of this childish nonsense.

0:26:25 > 0:26:26Let's extract the facts.

0:26:26 > 0:26:28"Dear India,

0:26:28 > 0:26:31"I'm delighted to enclose some curious stuff about noise.

0:26:31 > 0:26:34"We have discovered that misophonia

0:26:34 > 0:26:38"is the term given to people who are highly sensitive to sound.

0:26:38 > 0:26:41"The speed of sound is approximately 767 mph.

0:26:41 > 0:26:43"The noise you hear

0:26:43 > 0:26:47"when you crack your knuckles is gas bubbles bursting.

0:26:47 > 0:26:51"And a baby's cry is louder than a car horn."

0:26:51 > 0:26:54That's curious stuff about noise.

0:26:54 > 0:26:58And that is what you call fact extraction.

0:26:58 > 0:27:00Thank you, Miss Bracegirdle.

0:27:00 > 0:27:03No, no, no. Thank you, Mr Reeves.

0:27:03 > 0:27:05As usual, there has been a lot of pointless horsing around,

0:27:05 > 0:27:08which has gone straight in my little report.

0:27:08 > 0:27:10It makes for very interesting reading.

0:27:10 > 0:27:16But I must admit, we have extracted some wonderfully curious facts.

0:27:16 > 0:27:20Yes, we have. We have extracted some wonderful curious facts.

0:27:20 > 0:27:21Well done, team.

0:27:21 > 0:27:24I'm afraid now it's time to go.

0:27:24 > 0:27:26Don't forget to post our findings to our callers.

0:27:26 > 0:27:28I will, Miss Teaparty.

0:27:28 > 0:27:30What are you up to tonight, sir?

0:27:30 > 0:27:33Tonight I'm going to take the stabilisers off my mountain bike.

0:27:33 > 0:27:39I mean... I'm going to put some fertiliser on my marrows.

0:27:42 > 0:27:45- Goodbye, everybody. - Goodbye, Mr Reeves.

0:27:55 > 0:27:58Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd