The Dogs of War

Download Subtitles

Transcript

0:00:02 > 0:00:04This is The Console. Pixelface games loading.

0:00:05 > 0:00:09# Life's so great in a console space

0:00:09 > 0:00:11# Digitally here again

0:00:11 > 0:00:14# So much more than a pixel face

0:00:14 > 0:00:15# Living in a game

0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Living in a game Living in a game

0:00:18 > 0:00:20# We're playing with the same old friends

0:00:20 > 0:00:23# Everybody knows our name

0:00:23 > 0:00:26# We'll be here till the journey ends

0:00:26 > 0:00:28# Living in a game

0:00:28 > 0:00:31# Living in a game Living in a game. #

0:00:37 > 0:00:41Ah, here we are. Now we're getting somewhere.

0:00:41 > 0:00:44A mysterious little door.

0:00:44 > 0:00:48All I have to do is crouch. Go on then, Player One, off you go.

0:00:52 > 0:00:58Nice try. But it's X to crouch and circle to jump. So press X.

0:01:03 > 0:01:09Really, really ouch. Just press X, all right? X.

0:01:10 > 0:01:14For heaven's sake!

0:01:14 > 0:01:19Get the instruction book out. It's press X to crouch.

0:01:19 > 0:01:22X to crouch. Come on, Player One.

0:01:22 > 0:01:24No, don't draw my dagger.

0:01:24 > 0:01:26No, no, no.

0:01:26 > 0:01:30Good. Now, it's X to crouch.

0:01:33 > 0:01:35Oh!

0:01:36 > 0:01:39Oh, yum yum. Yummy, yummy, yum yum.

0:01:39 > 0:01:43Yes, you absolute genius. You just wasted a health potion.

0:01:45 > 0:01:49Please! Tiny hint. It's the one that looks like an X

0:01:49 > 0:01:51to crouch!

0:01:51 > 0:01:52Aagh!

0:01:52 > 0:01:57If I could quit my game right now and not save, I would.

0:01:57 > 0:01:58Yes, that's it.

0:01:58 > 0:02:02Now we're getting somewhere. That wasn't too hard, was it?

0:02:02 > 0:02:03God!

0:02:04 > 0:02:05Ooh!

0:02:08 > 0:02:14Stand me up. Stand me up! Oh, this is so humiliating.

0:02:14 > 0:02:17Well, well, well.

0:02:17 > 0:02:21What have we here? A seemingly empty room.

0:02:21 > 0:02:25I imagine nothing interesting to see here.

0:02:25 > 0:02:29Except these five exciting and rather mysterious candles.

0:02:29 > 0:02:32Oh, it's a code.

0:02:32 > 0:02:37Ooh! Call that a code? It's troll's play.

0:02:37 > 0:02:40I simply light the first, the third and the fifth candle

0:02:40 > 0:02:43where the suns are, and leave the second and fourth dark

0:02:43 > 0:02:46where the moons are.

0:02:46 > 0:02:49Let's just hope this player can light the candles

0:02:49 > 0:02:51without setting fire to my beautiful hair.

0:03:02 > 0:03:03Now what?

0:03:03 > 0:03:06Ooh!

0:03:06 > 0:03:08Now, this just got interesting.

0:03:10 > 0:03:15It's a goblin puzzle lock. I love these.

0:03:15 > 0:03:18This is The Console. Swords of the Ancients paused.

0:03:18 > 0:03:20Quit menu selected.

0:03:20 > 0:03:23You have got to be kidding.

0:03:23 > 0:03:27No... You... Don't do... Don't you... Oh, typical!

0:03:27 > 0:03:29This is The Console.

0:03:29 > 0:03:34- Swords of the Ancients complete. Aethelwynne released.- Unbelievable.

0:03:34 > 0:03:38I was this close to getting my hands on that chest and they quit the game.

0:03:38 > 0:03:41- Fancy being interrupt... - This is The Console.

0:03:41 > 0:03:42Online game downloading.

0:03:44 > 0:03:47Honestly! The one thing I cannot stand is being interrup...

0:03:47 > 0:03:48Quiet, Aethelwynne.

0:03:48 > 0:03:53Let's see what it is. There hasn't been an online competition for ages.

0:03:53 > 0:03:54She's right.

0:03:54 > 0:03:56The last big one, we had to dress as bishops

0:03:56 > 0:04:01and then fly those massive flying igglefuds into the heart of the sun.

0:04:01 > 0:04:06- No, Rex, that was a dream. - Dream, yes, yeah.

0:04:06 > 0:04:09Like that dream where Claireparker told me to do the washing up?

0:04:09 > 0:04:13No, Rex, that was 10 minutes ago and you still need to do it.

0:04:13 > 0:04:15Yes, right, yes.

0:04:15 > 0:04:19Online game, Planet Dog Show, wooftacular edition, downloaded.

0:04:19 > 0:04:22A dog show!

0:04:22 > 0:04:27My marvellous anecdote interrupted by some sort of canine carnival.

0:04:27 > 0:04:29Oh, how I hate dogs!

0:04:29 > 0:04:33It's all, throw the stick, fetch the stick, throw the stick,

0:04:33 > 0:04:35fetch the stick, with those guys.

0:04:35 > 0:04:40No, I've heard of this. Planet Dog Show is very popular with the girls.

0:04:40 > 0:04:42They train up these virtual puppies

0:04:42 > 0:04:44and then show them off in a big online arena.

0:04:44 > 0:04:47Well, that sounds as boring as a yawning competition.

0:04:47 > 0:04:49No, no, Claireparker. It's fabulous.

0:04:49 > 0:04:52I've always wanted to enter since I was a little girl.

0:04:52 > 0:04:57This is The Console. Please go to online hatch immediately.

0:04:57 > 0:05:00Repeat, please go to online hatch immediately

0:05:00 > 0:05:02to await delivery from Planet Dog Show.

0:05:02 > 0:05:05That could be the application form to enter.

0:05:08 > 0:05:09Good boy.

0:05:10 > 0:05:12HE GROWLS

0:05:14 > 0:05:17Online hatch opening.

0:05:17 > 0:05:19I wonder what's coming!

0:05:19 > 0:05:20Could be a load of apples.

0:05:20 > 0:05:22FOOTSTEPS

0:05:22 > 0:05:25- A load of scampering apples. - BARKING

0:05:25 > 0:05:28That had better not be what I think it is.

0:05:28 > 0:05:32A load of scampering, barking apples!

0:05:32 > 0:05:34Puppies!

0:05:34 > 0:05:37They are so adorable.

0:05:37 > 0:05:39That one looks like my cousin Reg!

0:05:39 > 0:05:42I shall have to show them who's boss.

0:05:42 > 0:05:44You simply use an authoritative voice,

0:05:44 > 0:05:47show them some discipline and they will behave.

0:05:47 > 0:05:49Puppies - sit!

0:05:51 > 0:05:54HE SCREAMS

0:05:57 > 0:05:59Just show them some discipline(!)

0:05:59 > 0:06:02Look...don't bite that!

0:06:02 > 0:06:05Give me a K, give me an I,

0:06:05 > 0:06:07give me a K, give me an I,

0:06:07 > 0:06:09give me a K, give me an I...

0:06:09 > 0:06:12what do you get?

0:06:12 > 0:06:14Kikiki?

0:06:14 > 0:06:17Kikiki...ki.

0:06:17 > 0:06:19Do you have to do that in here?

0:06:19 > 0:06:23No. I can also do baton twirling.

0:06:30 > 0:06:33Awww, thanks, Rex.

0:06:33 > 0:06:34Where are all the puppies?

0:06:34 > 0:06:38They made a bed in my second-best cloak and went to sleep.

0:06:38 > 0:06:40Hateful little scrags of fluff.

0:06:40 > 0:06:42What have you got against them?

0:06:42 > 0:06:45It's not really the puppies. It's just, I was in my game

0:06:45 > 0:06:48and I found this really interesting chest with a goblin puzzle lock.

0:06:48 > 0:06:51I was just about to get my teeth into it when, puff!

0:06:51 > 0:06:54I was pulled out of the game because of those furry mites.

0:06:54 > 0:06:57I'm not sure about keeping animals in The Console.

0:06:57 > 0:06:59Can't be very hygienic.

0:06:59 > 0:07:02- Oh!- Hi, all.

0:07:02 > 0:07:03Hello, QM.

0:07:03 > 0:07:06Maybe you have more details of the Planet Dog Show contest.

0:07:06 > 0:07:09- Did you enjoy those biscuits I baked for you?- These?

0:07:09 > 0:07:12They are... They're...

0:07:12 > 0:07:16absolutely unique. Unique flavour.

0:07:16 > 0:07:20Now, as you may know, the Planet Dog Show

0:07:20 > 0:07:23wooftacular edition annual competition is taking place.

0:07:23 > 0:07:25Yes, QM. I think there's been some mistake.

0:07:25 > 0:07:27We've been sent a load of puppies!

0:07:27 > 0:07:29Oh, aren't they adorable?

0:07:29 > 0:07:31Yeah, every console will baby-sit

0:07:31 > 0:07:34a few puppies for the duration of the competition.

0:07:34 > 0:07:36On to more important matters.

0:07:36 > 0:07:41I was in-game and I came across this remarkable-looking chest.

0:07:41 > 0:07:43With the goblin puzzle lock?

0:07:43 > 0:07:45- Exactly.- You certainly won't be playing all weekend.

0:07:45 > 0:07:47Not with the online competition.

0:07:47 > 0:07:49Blast!

0:07:49 > 0:07:51I don't suppose you've got a picture of that puzzle?

0:07:51 > 0:07:53I'm dying to get my teeth into that riddle.

0:07:53 > 0:07:55I can do better than that.

0:07:55 > 0:07:57I can make you a replica.

0:07:57 > 0:07:59Sending to the transporter room now.

0:07:59 > 0:08:02'Replica arriving.'

0:08:02 > 0:08:05Ha! Thank you, QM. How can I ever repay you?

0:08:05 > 0:08:07Just don't bake me any more biscuits.

0:08:07 > 0:08:10HE LAUGHS

0:08:10 > 0:08:12Oh, and QM, can you enter me in the dog show?

0:08:12 > 0:08:15Dog show? You haven't got a dog, have you?

0:08:17 > 0:08:19Oh, don't I?

0:08:28 > 0:08:30Hmmm.

0:08:30 > 0:08:33I remember the last time I had to solve one of these.

0:08:33 > 0:08:38It took real cunning, guile and precision.

0:08:41 > 0:08:43HE WAILS

0:08:43 > 0:08:45Ple-e-ease!

0:08:45 > 0:08:47Aaargh!

0:08:53 > 0:08:57All I need is a little peace and quiet so I can concentrate.

0:08:57 > 0:08:59SCAMPERING AND BARKING

0:09:02 > 0:09:04Ooh! Now.

0:09:04 > 0:09:05Oh! Puppies.

0:09:07 > 0:09:08Down, now. No!

0:09:08 > 0:09:09Sit.

0:09:09 > 0:09:10Aargh!

0:09:12 > 0:09:15HE SCREAMS

0:09:15 > 0:09:19This is The Console. Sentient Force training session complete.

0:09:19 > 0:09:22Romford and Sergeant Riley released.

0:09:22 > 0:09:24Phew! That was a pretty intense training session.

0:09:24 > 0:09:27I didn't even realise Sentient Force had an underwater level.

0:09:27 > 0:09:32I'm never going to get the seaweed out of me cogs.

0:09:32 > 0:09:34Right, let's get to the dorm and dry off.

0:09:34 > 0:09:37I need to stretch out after wrestling that robo-shark.

0:09:37 > 0:09:40I had to swim directly to...

0:09:40 > 0:09:41Aargh!

0:09:41 > 0:09:43Puppies! Dogs! Puppies! Dogs!

0:09:46 > 0:09:48Puppies! Go to bed now!

0:09:48 > 0:09:50PUPPIES WHIMPER

0:09:50 > 0:09:52What was wrong with him?

0:09:52 > 0:09:55What, Brave Dave there? He's terrified of dogs.

0:09:55 > 0:09:56What? Really?

0:09:56 > 0:09:59- Yeah, yeah, he can't even look at them.- Ah!

0:10:00 > 0:10:02- Anything you're scared of?- Yeah.

0:10:02 > 0:10:05Elves that ask too many annoying questions.

0:10:05 > 0:10:07Oh, really? That's fascina...

0:10:07 > 0:10:08Oh, I see what you've done!

0:10:10 > 0:10:12A bit higher on the left, Kiki.

0:10:12 > 0:10:14Ah, no, the left.

0:10:15 > 0:10:17The left, Kiki, that's not straight.

0:10:17 > 0:10:19I'm not trying to hang it straight.

0:10:19 > 0:10:20Oh, right, that's fine then.

0:10:22 > 0:10:23Great.

0:10:23 > 0:10:27Don't you think that angle would make people feel a bit seasick?

0:10:27 > 0:10:31I think anyone who comes in here will just love it.

0:10:31 > 0:10:33Aaargh!

0:10:33 > 0:10:37Ah, ah, ah!

0:10:39 > 0:10:43Riley, what are you doing? That was my poster!

0:10:43 > 0:10:46- Dogs, there's dogs, hundreds of dogs.- Yeah, we know.

0:10:46 > 0:10:48It's the Planet Dog Show, wooftacular edition.

0:10:48 > 0:10:52The whole weekend? I've got get out. I can't stay here with them.

0:10:52 > 0:10:53What, the puppies?

0:10:53 > 0:10:56Argh! Don't even say that word.

0:10:56 > 0:10:59Why are you so scared of...

0:10:59 > 0:11:02the word we can't say that rhymes with juppies?

0:11:02 > 0:11:03I don't know, do I?

0:11:03 > 0:11:07It's just the way I was programmed. Why you always slightly on fire?

0:11:07 > 0:11:09I'm not.

0:11:09 > 0:11:12Why is Kiki always dancing?

0:11:12 > 0:11:14No, I don't!

0:11:14 > 0:11:19Dogs have always given me the heebie-jeebies something rotten.

0:11:19 > 0:11:24I can't even think about them without screaming. Look... Aaah!

0:11:24 > 0:11:27We'll help you, Claireparker and I will cure you of your fear of dogs.

0:11:27 > 0:11:29Aaah! Aaah!

0:11:29 > 0:11:32Sorry. Juppies, juppies.

0:11:33 > 0:11:36# Who let the dogs out #

0:11:36 > 0:11:39# Who? Who? Who? Who? Who let the dogs out? #

0:11:39 > 0:11:42Now, Rex, I can't thank you enough for agreeing to do this.

0:11:42 > 0:11:46I have always wanted to enter the Planet Dog Show contest,

0:11:46 > 0:11:49and now, ah, you're making that dream come true for me.

0:11:49 > 0:11:52Right. And you promise that I don't look ridiculous?

0:11:52 > 0:11:58No! No, no, no, no, Rex, you look like the prize-winning pooch.

0:11:58 > 0:12:01- The judges will never suspect a thing.- Yeah.

0:12:01 > 0:12:04And I'm going to need a secret dog name.

0:12:04 > 0:12:07A name that only a dog would have,

0:12:07 > 0:12:11that nobody who isn't a dog would be suspected of having that name.

0:12:11 > 0:12:13Rex?

0:12:13 > 0:12:16Exactly, a new name for Rex.

0:12:16 > 0:12:19Rex, we can call you "Rex".

0:12:19 > 0:12:21It needs to be a name that only a dog...

0:12:21 > 0:12:22What are you saying about my name?

0:12:22 > 0:12:25What do you say that we get on with a little bit of training?

0:12:25 > 0:12:27Yeah, all right.

0:12:27 > 0:12:31Don't think I've forgotten about this name thing, it's an old family name!

0:12:31 > 0:12:33The brilliant thing is, we are so guaranteed to win,

0:12:33 > 0:12:36all the other contestants have to train an actual dog,

0:12:36 > 0:12:39but I've got you, the amazing Rex Dynamo!

0:12:39 > 0:12:42Dog name yet to be decided.

0:12:42 > 0:12:45We'll just run through a few of the standard obstacle courses,

0:12:45 > 0:12:48a few basic tricks, and we'll win by miles.

0:12:48 > 0:12:49Hurray!

0:12:49 > 0:12:52I've laid out a sample course, it couldn't be simpler,

0:12:52 > 0:12:56you will just slalom round the cones, jump over the hurdles,

0:12:56 > 0:12:58go through the tunnel, grab the bunny toy

0:12:58 > 0:13:01and bring it back to me as fast as you can.

0:13:01 > 0:13:03Sound simple?

0:13:03 > 0:13:06- Simple? Sounds brilliant! - And I'll time it.

0:13:06 > 0:13:12And remember, it's all about speed, precision and grace.

0:13:12 > 0:13:15- No mess, no mistakes.- Gotcha.

0:13:15 > 0:13:20I'll be brilliant at this, or my name is not King Poochington.

0:13:20 > 0:13:22- No?- No.

0:13:22 > 0:13:26Right, ready, steady, go!

0:13:29 > 0:13:31BANGING AND THUMPING

0:13:46 > 0:13:47How did I do?

0:13:53 > 0:13:54Hi, QM, are you all right?

0:13:54 > 0:13:59Yeah, everything's brilliant. Stay in there.

0:13:59 > 0:14:02What's in the box? Invisible lunch?

0:14:02 > 0:14:04No, it's a ghost for an upcoming horror game,

0:14:04 > 0:14:06me and a few other quartermasters

0:14:06 > 0:14:08are testing him for general spookiness.

0:14:08 > 0:14:10ALL SCREAM

0:14:10 > 0:14:13Get in your box.

0:14:13 > 0:14:15ALL SCREAM

0:14:15 > 0:14:17In the box!

0:14:17 > 0:14:21Oh, well, certainly scary.

0:14:21 > 0:14:23It is, isn't it? Top marks.

0:14:23 > 0:14:27Still, I'm sure you two didn't come here to be terrified.

0:14:27 > 0:14:30It's about Riley, he's petrified of dogs.

0:14:30 > 0:14:33Is he? That's a shame.

0:14:33 > 0:14:35What can we do about it?

0:14:35 > 0:14:38Well, we were hoping you could help with that.

0:14:38 > 0:14:39Here's a thought,

0:14:39 > 0:14:42what we need to do is to get him used to being around dogs.

0:14:42 > 0:14:44But he won't even go near them.

0:14:44 > 0:14:46Here's the clever part, we don't use a real dog,

0:14:46 > 0:14:48we start off with a toy dog.

0:14:48 > 0:14:51First of all he carries it around for a while,

0:14:51 > 0:14:53then he gets used to being near it.

0:14:53 > 0:14:56Then he gets close to it, and then he falls in love with it.

0:14:56 > 0:15:00Oh, have you got a toy dog we could use?

0:15:00 > 0:15:03Yes, I certainly have, meet Mr Binkles.

0:15:03 > 0:15:07ALL SCREAM

0:15:10 > 0:15:13Put it away!

0:15:13 > 0:15:17I don't think Mr Binkles is going to do the trick.

0:15:17 > 0:15:19Oh, I see what you mean.

0:15:19 > 0:15:22I've got another dog but he's got absolutely no character.

0:15:22 > 0:15:23Oh, what's he called?

0:15:23 > 0:15:26Generic Dog Toy One.

0:15:28 > 0:15:30Oh, that's a posh name.

0:15:30 > 0:15:33Yeah, make sure Riley spends a lot of time with him...

0:15:33 > 0:15:34Her.

0:15:34 > 0:15:37Him. So he gets used to being around dogs.

0:15:37 > 0:15:41Will do, thanks, Quartermaster, and good luck with the ghost.

0:15:41 > 0:15:43Thanks a lot, bye.

0:15:43 > 0:15:46ALL SCREAM

0:15:46 > 0:15:48Get back in the box.

0:15:48 > 0:15:51Get back in the box, I tell you!

0:15:52 > 0:15:58OK, Rex... Rex?

0:15:58 > 0:16:00Rex?

0:16:01 > 0:16:03- Woofles?- Yes?

0:16:04 > 0:16:07So we'll come back to the obstacle course,

0:16:07 > 0:16:10and come back to grooming once the medicated shampoo has worked.

0:16:10 > 0:16:14- It really stings. - Oh, be quiet, Woofles.

0:16:14 > 0:16:18Right, let's just go over a few basic commands.

0:16:18 > 0:16:19Sit!

0:16:22 > 0:16:25What are you doing?

0:16:25 > 0:16:26Well, I'm sitting.

0:16:26 > 0:16:28You're supposed to sit on the floor.

0:16:28 > 0:16:31Why would I sit on the floor when we've got chairs?

0:16:31 > 0:16:32Because, Rex...

0:16:32 > 0:16:34Ah, ah, ah!

0:16:34 > 0:16:39Because, Woofles, you're supposed to be pretending to be a dog,

0:16:39 > 0:16:41and dogs sit on the floor.

0:16:41 > 0:16:44Well, then maybe somebody should tell dogs about chairs,

0:16:44 > 0:16:46and I've decided to change my name to Snoofer.

0:16:46 > 0:16:48Fine, Snoofer.

0:16:48 > 0:16:49Snoofer the third.

0:16:49 > 0:16:50Oh, whatever!

0:16:50 > 0:16:54Right, let's try something new.

0:16:54 > 0:16:56Heel, heel, heel!

0:16:56 > 0:16:59What's wrong with my heel?

0:16:59 > 0:17:02Has one of the puppies done his business in my shoe again?

0:17:02 > 0:17:03No, no, no!

0:17:03 > 0:17:05Heel means come here.

0:17:05 > 0:17:07Well, then, why don't you just say "come here"?

0:17:07 > 0:17:11And try adding a "please" while you're at it.

0:17:11 > 0:17:14Because I can't make this any clearer,

0:17:14 > 0:17:16you're supposed to be pretending to be a dog.

0:17:16 > 0:17:18Yes, right, OK, sorry.

0:17:18 > 0:17:22Right, OK, let's try this.

0:17:22 > 0:17:23Lie down!

0:17:26 > 0:17:27Well, where are you going?

0:17:27 > 0:17:30Well, to bed, to lie down.

0:17:30 > 0:17:32- Oh, well, don't.- Make up your mind!

0:17:32 > 0:17:37Oh, bad Snoofer, bad, bad, bad, bad Snoofer.

0:17:37 > 0:17:39HE WHINES

0:17:42 > 0:17:44Good little puppies, go to sleep.

0:17:44 > 0:17:47Good little puppies.

0:17:48 > 0:17:52Now, finally, a little peace and quiet so I can concentrate.

0:17:58 > 0:17:59Perfect.

0:17:59 > 0:18:03Console, initialise Library from Alexia's mansion levels.

0:18:03 > 0:18:06Initialising Library.

0:18:06 > 0:18:08Aha!

0:18:08 > 0:18:13Oh, this is the life, oh, this is the life!

0:18:13 > 0:18:17Now, let's look at this puzzle lock.

0:18:22 > 0:18:24Interesting.

0:18:24 > 0:18:27Goblin alphabet, elfin ruin.

0:18:33 > 0:18:34Puppies?

0:18:34 > 0:18:37Ah, oh, stay!

0:18:38 > 0:18:41Stop!

0:18:41 > 0:18:43Aah!

0:18:52 > 0:18:56Right, Riley, close your eyes.

0:18:56 > 0:18:58Is it a surprise?

0:18:58 > 0:19:01It's definitely a surprise.

0:19:01 > 0:19:02Careful, when he gets into a panic

0:19:02 > 0:19:04it's like a windmill throwing a wobbly.

0:19:04 > 0:19:06Romford, you're not helping.

0:19:06 > 0:19:09Well, you say I'm not, but I am propping up the end of this bed.

0:19:09 > 0:19:14All right, just let us handle the D-O-G.

0:19:14 > 0:19:16Hurry up, let's get this over with.

0:19:16 > 0:19:19OK, Riley, hold out your hands.

0:19:24 > 0:19:26Here goes.

0:19:28 > 0:19:32Now, open your eyes.

0:19:32 > 0:19:34Meet Generic Dog Toy One.

0:19:34 > 0:19:37He's going to help you get over your fear of dogs.

0:19:37 > 0:19:41- I don't like it. - It's perfectly harmless.

0:19:41 > 0:19:43You need to get used to it.

0:19:43 > 0:19:45Carry it with you everywhere you go,

0:19:45 > 0:19:48treat it like a real, live animal.

0:19:49 > 0:19:51We even got you a lead.

0:19:53 > 0:19:56Have you got a longer one?

0:19:56 > 0:19:58- Well, how much longer? - About half a mile.

0:19:58 > 0:20:00Oh, Riley.

0:20:00 > 0:20:03Yeah, all right, I'll try it.

0:20:12 > 0:20:14Come on, Generic Dog Toy One.

0:20:16 > 0:20:18Let's take a turn around The Console.

0:20:21 > 0:20:25Oh, my brave little boy. He's growing up.

0:20:27 > 0:20:29So, you're sure you understand?

0:20:29 > 0:20:31Oh, yeah, absolutely, I've got it.

0:20:31 > 0:20:33Because judges love a dog who can do this.

0:20:33 > 0:20:35Go for it.

0:20:35 > 0:20:38Right, Rex, play dead.

0:20:40 > 0:20:43Out, out, brief candle.

0:20:43 > 0:20:46Life is but a walking shadow,

0:20:46 > 0:20:51a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

0:20:51 > 0:20:53and is heard no more.

0:20:53 > 0:20:57It is a tale told by an idiot,

0:20:57 > 0:21:00full of sound and fury,

0:21:00 > 0:21:03signifying nothing.

0:21:09 > 0:21:10Congratulations(!)

0:21:10 > 0:21:12Oh, you liked it?

0:21:12 > 0:21:15I learnt that helping Aethelwynne prepare

0:21:15 > 0:21:17for his inter-elf Shakespeare festival.

0:21:17 > 0:21:19Well, congratulations, indeed,

0:21:19 > 0:21:21because if you were to do that in the contest

0:21:21 > 0:21:24you would absolutely guarantee we'll lose.

0:21:25 > 0:21:30Playing dead means lie still, not do a dying scene from Macbeth.

0:21:30 > 0:21:33Now, do it again, do it properly.

0:21:35 > 0:21:37- No.- What?

0:21:37 > 0:21:39I said, no.

0:21:39 > 0:21:40I've had enough of this,

0:21:40 > 0:21:43I've been trying my best to please you, Alexia,

0:21:43 > 0:21:44and everything I do is wrong.

0:21:44 > 0:21:48So, that's it. I was only trying to be nice, but I've had enough.

0:21:48 > 0:21:52You can take your dog show and stick it in your kennel.

0:21:52 > 0:21:54Where are you going?

0:21:54 > 0:21:57Anywhere, as far away from you.

0:22:05 > 0:22:10Come on, Generic Dog Toy number One, um, um, walkies.

0:22:10 > 0:22:12Heel.

0:22:13 > 0:22:14Come on.

0:22:22 > 0:22:26Hey, watch out, Rex, you almost stood on Generic Dog Toy Number One.

0:22:26 > 0:22:29Oh, you all right, little fella?

0:22:29 > 0:22:33Hello, you, you're quite cute, really, aren't you?

0:22:33 > 0:22:36You wouldn't hurt me, would you? No, no, you wouldn't.

0:22:36 > 0:22:42Come on, let's go and have some fun. Just you and me, just the two of us.

0:22:42 > 0:22:45Come on, little fella, come on.

0:22:45 > 0:22:47# We can make it if we try

0:22:47 > 0:22:49# Just the two of us

0:22:52 > 0:22:54# Just the two of us

0:22:54 > 0:22:56# Building castles in the sky. #

0:22:56 > 0:22:57Do you want some din-dins?

0:22:57 > 0:23:00Yes, you do, you like your din-dins.

0:23:05 > 0:23:10A week together before, before he died.

0:23:13 > 0:23:16# Good things might come to those who wait

0:23:16 > 0:23:19# Not for those who wait too late

0:23:19 > 0:23:22# We got to go for all they know

0:23:22 > 0:23:23# Just the two of us

0:23:23 > 0:23:27# We can make it if we try

0:23:27 > 0:23:29# Just the two of us. #

0:23:29 > 0:23:31I love you, Generic Dog Toy Number One.

0:23:35 > 0:23:37You did it, it worked!

0:23:37 > 0:23:40Generic Dog Toy Number One has cured my fear of dogs,

0:23:40 > 0:23:42now he's my new best friend.

0:23:42 > 0:23:45- Oh, that's amazing, Riley. - Nice work, Riley.

0:23:45 > 0:23:46I just want to tell the world.

0:23:51 > 0:23:56No, no, you stupid tin box, you slalom round the cones,

0:23:56 > 0:23:59and go through the tube.

0:23:59 > 0:24:01Listen, toots, why would I go around the cones

0:24:01 > 0:24:04when the most direct route is through them?

0:24:04 > 0:24:07That tube serves absolutely no purpose, as far as I can tell.

0:24:07 > 0:24:11Because you're supposed to be a dog,

0:24:11 > 0:24:13and dogs go around and do the cones-y thing.

0:24:13 > 0:24:16Dogs also go around and sniff each other's bums,

0:24:16 > 0:24:19but I'm not doing that either, might bust my nasal sockets.

0:24:19 > 0:24:22Oh, Romford, you're impossible.

0:24:22 > 0:24:26Oh, I wish I was much nicer to Rex.

0:24:27 > 0:24:30Rex is kind and generous and enthusiastic.

0:24:30 > 0:24:33And I treated him like dirt.

0:24:33 > 0:24:36I was just stupidly thinking of myself,

0:24:36 > 0:24:39and I hurt his feelings, and he was just trying his hardest.

0:24:39 > 0:24:42Oh, I wish he'd give me a second chance.

0:24:42 > 0:24:46Well, technically, it would be your 45th chance,

0:24:46 > 0:24:49but, go on then, let's enter this dog show.

0:24:49 > 0:24:52- We'll win it for sure. - Rex, really?

0:24:52 > 0:24:55Does a dog bark unnecessarily at a postman?

0:24:55 > 0:24:56Course I'm sure.

0:24:56 > 0:25:00Oh, I'll just do some pre-show grooming.

0:25:05 > 0:25:07Oh, do be careful, Rex.

0:25:07 > 0:25:10That boy has gone clipper crazy.

0:25:10 > 0:25:12Are you sure you know what you're doing?

0:25:12 > 0:25:14CLIPPERS BUZZ

0:25:14 > 0:25:17Oh, oh, do you know, I've seen the entire nests of cloned alien

0:25:17 > 0:25:23robots implode into a white hole, but it's nothing on that.

0:25:23 > 0:25:27Everyone, I'm cured! I'm no longer afraid of dogs!

0:25:27 > 0:25:29What do you think?

0:25:29 > 0:25:31Aaah!

0:25:31 > 0:25:35Dog! Nightmare dog! Help me! Help me!

0:25:38 > 0:25:40Everyone, I want you to keep an eye out

0:25:40 > 0:25:42for an escaped prototype ghost,

0:25:42 > 0:25:44and if anyone's still entering,

0:25:44 > 0:25:47the Planet Dog Show contest is about to begin.

0:25:47 > 0:25:50Oh, well, Snoofles, heel.

0:25:50 > 0:25:52Woof, woof and woof!

0:25:52 > 0:25:55That's, "wish us luck", in dog language.

0:25:55 > 0:25:57This is The Console,

0:25:57 > 0:26:01transporting Alexia and Rex Dynamo to Planet Dog Show.

0:26:01 > 0:26:04Do you think there's any chance they'll win, Romford?

0:26:04 > 0:26:08I think we can all be absolutely sure that they haven't got a hope.

0:26:08 > 0:26:10Swords of the Ancients now loading,

0:26:10 > 0:26:13would Aethelwynne please enter the game?

0:26:21 > 0:26:22Aw!

0:26:22 > 0:26:25Turn the symbol for Orion's Moon,

0:26:25 > 0:26:30the symbol of the sword and, oh!

0:26:32 > 0:26:33Bingo!

0:26:33 > 0:26:35Aha! Ha ha ha!

0:26:35 > 0:26:39To finally see what's inside!

0:26:43 > 0:26:46Dog biscuits.

0:26:46 > 0:26:49WOOFING

0:26:49 > 0:26:53No, no! No! No!

0:26:53 > 0:26:59Get back, aah! Aaah!

0:27:04 > 0:27:07Alexia and Rex Dynamo released.

0:27:10 > 0:27:12Oh, how did you get on?

0:27:12 > 0:27:16We were disqualified, Rex bit one of the judges.

0:27:16 > 0:27:17It's Snoofer.

0:27:17 > 0:27:18Snoofer!

0:27:30 > 0:27:33Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:34 > 0:27:36This is The Console.

0:27:36 > 0:27:38Please go to the CBBC website,

0:27:38 > 0:27:41where the Pixelface games can now be played.