0:00:02 > 0:00:05OK, the master, he say, "Go for it, Jakey boy!"
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Waaaaah-ya! Ya! Ya! Ya!
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Ya! Ya!
0:00:09 > 0:00:13- How did I do? - Way off your personal best.- Oi!
0:00:13 > 0:00:19You're wasting perfectly good crisps there. Here, use these pretzels.
0:00:19 > 0:00:27- That's what I'm talking about. Kids today, eh? Amateurs.- Look at me!
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Thanks to you lot, I'm late for the Candy Bop.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33- My one chance a week to look faboosh and girl-tastic. - DOG BARKS
0:00:33 > 0:00:38Now, whose bright idea was it to use my best dress
0:00:38 > 0:00:40as a flag for the tree house?
0:00:40 > 0:00:44I missed it last week because Roger had an accident in the bath.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46- Which reminds me, I've got to clear that up.- Eurgh!
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Has anyone seen my denim bolero?
0:00:49 > 0:00:53- Is that a two-door-hatchback? - No, it's a jacket!
0:00:53 > 0:00:59Well, it WAS! And what are my kitten heels doing next to Roger's basket?!
0:01:01 > 0:01:07- OMG!- What?- What?- Roger's had another accident!- Eurgh!- Oh!
0:01:07 > 0:01:12# Can somebody tell me why I'm always surrounded by boys?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14# Give me a break
0:01:14 > 0:01:18# They've got attitude, kind of cute but when they're in trouble
0:01:18 > 0:01:21# Takes a girl to save the day
0:01:21 > 0:01:23# I'd love another girl
0:01:23 > 0:01:26# Around the place. Could you be her?
0:01:26 > 0:01:30# Someone to back me up so I always have the last word
0:01:30 > 0:01:32# I guess it's hard to be the only girl
0:01:32 > 0:01:35# In a boy's world
0:01:35 > 0:01:38# Girl, girl, in a boy's world
0:01:38 > 0:01:42# I know I'm strong because I've got a positive mental attitude
0:01:42 > 0:01:46# Understanding, kind and sensitive Don't want gratitude
0:01:46 > 0:01:48# I just don't want to be
0:01:48 > 0:01:51# The only girl in a boy's world! #
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Ugh!
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Ugh! Finally!
0:01:59 > 0:02:02If we don't get to the Candy Bop soon,
0:02:02 > 0:02:05I won't have time to do my Lady GaGa telephone dance routine.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08The extended version, actually. BTW, those look like PJs.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10They are. I'm not going.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13I don't have anything to wear, Danny used my straighteners
0:02:13 > 0:02:16to make a toastie, and Dad wrote the shopping list with my lipstick.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19That's just a regular day in the Jenkins household.
0:02:19 > 0:02:24- Exactamundo! I can't do it anymore, Kit, I'm a young lady! - KIT SCOFFS
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- Eurgh!- Well, if you're not going, I'm not.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31How about a super-deluxe Kit-Kat girly night in instead?
0:02:31 > 0:02:37- I'm thinking main, pedi and re-runs of Gok's Fashion Fix.- Oh!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- What are we doing here?- Oh, this?
0:02:46 > 0:02:50It's for my Annual Summer Show. I'm breaking it in.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Are you playing an elf? A set of traffic lights?
0:02:53 > 0:02:57We're doing a musical version of Jack And The Beanstalk.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00I'm Jack, the lead part. Thank you so much!
0:03:00 > 0:03:01Such an achievement, you say?!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03You always get the lead!
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Sorry, I didn't catch that, I was watching Gok.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Clear a space, I'm coming in to land!
0:03:10 > 0:03:14- Deeds, we were watching that! - Sorry, Sas, propulsion emergency.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17I've committed myself to building a reaction mass custard rocket
0:03:17 > 0:03:18for the science fair.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20I've already extended my deadline! Twice!
0:03:20 > 0:03:23and I still can't get anywhere near 100 PSI!
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
0:03:25 > 0:03:28This little baby's going to get me up to 200 PSI!
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Your dad's welding on a couple of the convergent nozzles
0:03:31 > 0:03:33I thought you could help.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35- But we're having a girlie... - Deeds, shift that stuff.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Deeds!
0:03:38 > 0:03:42That is it! Even my mates treat this place like a dump.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Something has to change!
0:03:44 > 0:03:45EXPLOSION
0:03:50 > 0:03:54I've gathered you here today because I have an announcement to make.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- You're leaving? Yes! Dibsy your room! - Can I have your TV?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02She's not leaving, she's 13.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05- You're not leaving, are you? - Oh, brother!
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Look, it may have escaped your notice,
0:04:08 > 0:04:10but I'm actually a young lady.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13THEY LAUGH
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- Sorry, Sas, go on. - And as a young lady...
0:04:16 > 0:04:18THEY LAUGH
0:04:18 > 0:04:21..I expect a certain level of hygiene in my home.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23What does "hygiene" mean?
0:04:23 > 0:04:27It means not turning every single room into
0:04:27 > 0:04:30an extension of the garage and using my clothes as oil rags!
0:04:30 > 0:04:34Not leaving half-eaten bits of pizza in my clutch bag!
0:04:34 > 0:04:37And not wearing your socks so long,
0:04:37 > 0:04:41it begins to smell like a cheese factory in here!
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Hang on. This is serious.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47Me and Jake are trying to see who can wear their socks the longest
0:04:47 > 0:04:48without chundering cos of the smell.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Three weeks, five days, four hours, 32 minutes and counting.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Er, right. Look, Sas, there's a saying in the motor trade.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57You'll turn a VW into a Beemer.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Even with lots of valeting, it's not halfway there.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03And then, of course, you've got to consider the mileage, the plates...
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Enough with the cars!
0:05:05 > 0:05:09I missed the Candy Bop because of you lot two weeks in a row!
0:05:09 > 0:05:11This dump is doing my head in!
0:05:11 > 0:05:15- Look at that.- What's wrong with it?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- Actually, if I remember rightly, that's yours.- Whatevers!
0:05:17 > 0:05:19SMASHING
0:05:19 > 0:05:24It's your untidiness that's ruining my entire life!
0:05:24 > 0:05:29As Roger is my witness, I WILL make it to the Candy Bop next week.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30Ugh! Roger!
0:05:32 > 0:05:35MUSIC: "Ghostbusters" by Jedward
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Right, let's do some damage.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40And by damage, I mean lots of cleaning.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- You're on shining duty. - Cheers.- Right, let's go!
0:05:57 > 0:05:59What? I'm quadrupling the motor power.
0:06:08 > 0:06:09Ugh!
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- I'm zonked!- I can't move my arms.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Can somebody scratch my nose for me, please?
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Oh, thank goodness that's over.
0:06:25 > 0:06:31Er, guys, we've still got the rest of the lounge and the house to do.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34- No way.- Dream on.- I'm out of here.
0:06:34 > 0:06:39- If you won't do it, I'll get someone who will.- You'll need Mary Poppins!
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- Well, that's it, I'll get a housekeeper.- No way.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46We're perfectly capable of cleaning this place ourselves.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48It's not that difficult.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- I've said no and I mean it.- OK.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Thanks for getting back to us about the housekeeping job.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04- Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?- I no clean.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06I no cook. And I no like children.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08And I don't do hard work.
0:07:08 > 0:07:13- It's very...boring.- So, why exactly do you want to be my housekeeper?
0:07:13 > 0:07:15I have to pay for these nails.
0:07:17 > 0:07:22I like to take an organic approach to cleaning the dishes.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Sometimes, I just let them pile up for weeks
0:07:24 > 0:07:29so I don't waste water. I mean, I barely wash myself these days.
0:07:29 > 0:07:34My body's natural oils just do it for me.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35PARP!
0:07:35 > 0:07:37- Sadie!- Sadie!
0:07:37 > 0:07:41- Actually, that was me. Better out than in.- Better for who?!
0:07:43 > 0:07:46For me, it's all about fitness. Fitness, fitness, fitness.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49If you have a fit household, you have a healthy household.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52If you have a healthy household, you have a happy one.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- Well, health is wealth, as they say.- Exactly.
0:07:55 > 0:08:00It's key that you do 100 sit-ups, 200 press-ups, and a three-mile run.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04- Every day?- Every hour on the hour.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12I can't clean. But it cannae be that hard.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15My ma does it faster than she eats a box of wedges!
0:08:15 > 0:08:21OK... We'll...get back to you.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Any thoughts?
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Yes, where am I going to get two new convergent nozzles for my rocket?
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Your dad welded the last lot to the TV.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36BTW, have you managed to take a look at the propeller heads?
0:08:36 > 0:08:40- I meant thoughts on our potential housekeeper.- Hmm.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44Can we see the belly dancer again?
0:08:46 > 0:08:51- Awesome!- Sure is, Jakey boy, I just found it in the lounge!
0:08:51 > 0:08:55- What was it doing in the lounge? - Who cares? Finders keepers, right?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57In your own house?
0:08:57 > 0:08:58With a few key adjustments,
0:08:58 > 0:09:03this baby is capable of exploding up to four litres of custard over
0:09:03 > 0:09:05an unsuspecting imbecile. Let's try it!
0:09:05 > 0:09:07I don't want to get any on my socks.
0:09:07 > 0:09:13I'm on three weeks, three days, two hours and...14 minutes as of now.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15I can almost smell victory.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19Sorry, buddy, I'm already on three weeks, six days,
0:09:19 > 0:09:22five hours and 27 minutes.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25These bad boys are never getting washed.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28What did you put in that ad?
0:09:28 > 0:09:31"Complete lunatic required with absolutely no interest in cleaning"?
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- No, it was... - "Filthy family needs your help.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39- "Want to make a tidy profit?" - Yeah, that was...
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Er... Dad, where did you get that from?
0:09:45 > 0:09:48- Ms V sent late covers over with it. - Steve sent them packing.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Listen, Sas, I've told you before,
0:09:50 > 0:09:54I'm not having this place taken over by some miserable old bossy boots
0:09:54 > 0:09:55with a feather duster...
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Hello. I'm here for the housekeeper vacancy. I'm Tamara.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02Gosh, those overalls are gorgeous!
0:10:05 > 0:10:11- The blue, the nylon, it really brings out your eyes.- Really? Well, thanks.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15Actually, it's not just nylon, it's a polyester mix.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19- Um, is the position still available? - No...- Yes.- What?!
0:10:19 > 0:10:24- But you just said... - She gets confused. Yes, no. Yes, no.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28She's not the sparkiest of spark plugs... Agh!
0:10:28 > 0:10:29When can you start?
0:10:35 > 0:10:37- Morning, what's for...?- Breakfast?
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Tamara's made pancakes with triple-chocolate chocolate sauce.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45She's lovely... I mean, THEY'RE lovely.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48I've had ten already and I don't even feel sick!
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Well, it's true what they say -
0:10:51 > 0:10:53the way to a man's heart is through his tummy-wummy!
0:10:54 > 0:10:59Now, what would YOU say to a stack of pancakes, some fluffy eggs.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02and then I'll run you a bath and press a clean outfit.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05I'd say aliens have landed and they're running my house!
0:11:05 > 0:11:06TAMARA LAUGHS
0:11:06 > 0:11:10Ah, ah, ah, ah... A young lady does not eat with her fingers.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14Did you hear that? She called me a young lady!
0:11:15 > 0:11:20And a young gentleman does not wear smelly-belly socks.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24That's why I took the liberty of washing and pressing
0:11:24 > 0:11:26these naughty little puppies last night.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Hmm?
0:11:28 > 0:11:31- You what?!- Now, she's good!
0:11:35 > 0:11:40- OMG, guys, you've got to see this! - No can do. Sorry, Sas.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I've got my first rehearsal for Jack And The Beanstalk this avo.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45I'll bring tears to your eyes.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48I'm sure you won't be THAT bad.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Look, I'm scheduled to pick up the convergent nozzles at 1300 hours.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55If you could just take a peek at the propeller heads on it...
0:11:55 > 0:11:56People!
0:11:56 > 0:12:00You're my friends, and I really do want to hear what you've got to say,
0:12:00 > 0:12:02but I called you to talk about ME.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05My new housekeeper is fantabulicious!
0:12:05 > 0:12:10She's even offered to make me a dress for the Candy Bop.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15She's a lean, keen cleaning machine. You've got to see it to believe it.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18She even calls me a "young lady".
0:12:18 > 0:12:20THEY LAUGH
0:12:20 > 0:12:24You may laugh, but if it means I can make it to the Candy Bop
0:12:24 > 0:12:25- it works for me.- Ah...
0:12:27 > 0:12:31Sorry, it's time for Sadie-Wadie's intensive
0:12:31 > 0:12:32hair conditioning treatment and manicure.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Bye!
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Awesamundo!
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Move it, losers, headline act coming through!
0:12:44 > 0:12:47OK, here's the deal, I want three sailors
0:12:47 > 0:12:50and at least one dance spectacular.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54And I'm wearing this outfit in the show.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57I know you wanted dungarees, but they are so over. O-V-E-R.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00You may not have to wear them at all.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01You have the competition.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- What is she blethering about?- Him.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Hi, I'm Brian. I've played Oliver Twist,
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Billy Elliott and a munchkin twice.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13- Dance auditions start tomorrow, 3pm sharp.- Agh!
0:13:13 > 0:13:15That's it, I've given up acting forever!
0:13:15 > 0:13:19- What about, "If I can't act, I can't breathe"?- I've got my breath back.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Enough with the drams, out with it.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25I'm nervous, all right? About auditioning against...
0:13:25 > 0:13:26EVIL LAUGHTER
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- Brian.- Kit Karter, nervous?
0:13:29 > 0:13:32I thought the Kitty Kat of cool didn't do nervous.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35What about the time you modelled your swimsuit for the entire class.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37In Geography...
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Or the time you challenged Diversity to a dance-off?
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- OK, he crashed and burned, but hey.- But that was different.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47You were right, I only ever get the lead because no other boys audition.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49- Brian's been a munchkin! - Twice.
0:13:50 > 0:13:55Time out. I've got four words - what would Gaga do?
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Disco Inferno, you're right. The Gaga would never back down.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03No, she'd come out fighting, in a wildly inappropriate outfit.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07- And a rubber dinghy... probably. - So that's what you've got to do.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Not the dinghy but up your game.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11You're so right, Sass. Thanks.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15What are we doing here?
0:14:15 > 0:14:16Tamara chose it for me.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19She said it was the perfect attire for a young lady.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22A very young lady...like six.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25My rocket, it's gone!
0:14:25 > 0:14:28But we left it right there.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31- Oh, don't worry, I'm sure it'll turn up.- Turn up?! Turn up?!
0:14:31 > 0:14:34My science project is already a week late as it is.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Do you know how much asking for this extension cost me?
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- 50p?- My academic soul!
0:14:41 > 0:14:45Look, Deeds, I promise I will find it.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47You look in here. I'll check upstairs.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48Kit... buff your nails.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Look what Tammy Wammy's made you.
0:14:53 > 0:14:58Home-made cookies. What? Oh, no, no, no.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01We don't want a visit from Mr Hoover, do we?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Mr Hoover does not like to visit more than twice a day.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- Do we know this Mr Hoover?- You!
0:15:07 > 0:15:10You took the rocket I was building for the science fair!
0:15:10 > 0:15:13- Deeds!- Uh...a young lady never points.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17Admit it, you dumped it when you cleared out this place!
0:15:17 > 0:15:21- I don't remember putting it in the rubbish.- There, see? No harm done.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24But if I did, I'm not sorry.
0:15:24 > 0:15:29Oh, awkward o'clock. Must be going.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32I'm not sorry because science is a subject for boys.
0:15:32 > 0:15:37Art, drama, literature - those are subjects for young ladies.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41Believe me, Delia, dear, you'll thank me in the long run.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- What's up?- Your housekeeper is clinically bananas.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49That's what's up.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53She is not! She does awesome manis and pedis.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Has Tamara polished your brain as well as your nails?
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Can't you see what she's doing? Look at this place! Look at you.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Is that a bow in your hair?
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Technically, it's an Alice band but you're right. It's hideous.
0:16:05 > 0:16:10I like living like this. I like looking like a young lady.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11HE SNORTS
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Maybe you're the one with the problem. Maybe you need to grow up,
0:16:14 > 0:16:17get your head out of science books and get a life.
0:16:17 > 0:16:18SHE GASPS
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I don't want a life if it's as freaky as this.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23- Ah!- Ah!
0:16:24 > 0:16:26I feel left out.
0:16:32 > 0:16:37This will send Tamara right back where she came from.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41What's Tamara ever done to you... Oh, what's that stench?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Lavender and honeysuckle washing powder.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47- She's a monster!- Exactly!
0:16:47 > 0:16:51Now, it says here that if you apply bracket A to bracket C,
0:16:51 > 0:16:54it'll up the PSI by 40%.
0:16:54 > 0:16:59But how do you tell which is bracket A which is bracket C?
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- Don't know.- Doesn't matter, there's no room for them anyway.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08There. Oh, no.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12Sadie Wadey doesn't like her new dress for the Candy Bop, does she?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14No, no, it's not that.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18I love wearing lots of coloured, satin bows...
0:17:18 > 0:17:20205, to be exact.
0:17:20 > 0:17:25But are you sure this is what young ladies are wearing these days?
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Oh, absolutely.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30I suspect you're going to be the only one in a home-made dress.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34Look, Tamara, although I really like it,
0:17:34 > 0:17:37I'm not sure it's right for checking my groove thang
0:17:37 > 0:17:38to Keha at the Candy Bop.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42- Your groove what? - My groove thang, my tail, my booty.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45I can't go gaga over Gaga in this.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48My petticoat is going to take out at least three other dancers.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50- Look! - CRASHING
0:17:51 > 0:17:56What are these strange moves? What exactly is the Candy Bop?
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Only the coolest tween disco in town.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03- Ooh. And I thought it was a tea party with sweeties.- Uh-uh.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Young ladies do not attend discos.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10- Young ladies do not shake their booty thang.- Yeah, they do.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Not any more. I forbid you to attend the Candy Bop.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17You can't do that. That was the whole point in bringing you here!
0:18:17 > 0:18:21Yes, I can. And for telling me that I can't, I'm going to ground you...
0:18:21 > 0:18:24for a month, starting now.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27I will! Make Sadie! A lady!
0:18:32 > 0:18:37OMG, Deedy was right. My housekeeper is a loon bag.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44Has someone been tidying up around here? Because I can't find my...
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- Special spanner? - You got a special spanner, mate?
0:18:47 > 0:18:48How did you know?
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Because it's got Keith's Special Spanner written all over it,
0:18:51 > 0:18:53you silly billy.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57No-one, but no-one touches that. What's she doing behind there, Steve?
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Tidying up, of course. It's a disgusting mess.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- That mess happens to be my filing system.- Really?
0:19:03 > 0:19:06And what file does this banana skin go in to?
0:19:06 > 0:19:09The one next to the chocolate wrappers, perhaps?
0:19:09 > 0:19:14- Well, it works for us, doesn't it, Steve?- Uh, no. No.
0:19:14 > 0:19:19- We've had some complaints about food stains on the invoices.- Have we?
0:19:19 > 0:19:22That's why Tamara has offered to man the desk, so you don't have to.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- What? No.- And she's going to move into the spare room,
0:19:25 > 0:19:28so she can keep an eye on all of us, 24/7.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Steve, I think you've made a mistake employing Tamara.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37Stop being a silly billy.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS
0:19:56 > 0:19:57Ahem.
0:19:57 > 0:20:02Nice outfit, where did you get it? 1984?
0:20:05 > 0:20:08# Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night
0:20:08 > 0:20:11# Looking for the fight of her life
0:20:11 > 0:20:15# In the real time world No one sees her at all
0:20:15 > 0:20:17# They all say she's crazy...#
0:20:17 > 0:20:18MUSIC STOPS
0:20:21 > 0:20:25MOBILE RINGS
0:20:28 > 0:20:31- Kit Kat here. How may I direct your call?- Kit, it's me.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I'm on total lock down.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37It's like Alcatraz in here, only the prison guard wears pastels.
0:20:37 > 0:20:41I'm glad you called. You're won't believe how much I've upped my game.
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Brian doesn't know it yet
0:20:42 > 0:20:45but I've just purchased a secret weapon for my audition.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49Never mind that. Delia was right. Tamara is a cookie baking maniac!
0:20:49 > 0:20:53She even banned me from going to the Candy Bop. I need your help.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57When you've quite finished. We've work to do.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Sorry, Sass, got to go. Ding-a-ring you later.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Great, who am I going to call now?
0:21:04 > 0:21:06PHONE DIALS
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Hey, Deeds.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11PHONE CUTS OFF
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Might need to be a bit cleverer.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- Where is he? Where is he?- Who?
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Stephen Hawking! You said his car broke down here!
0:21:21 > 0:21:27- Oh, yeah, that wasn't entirely true. - Which part?- All of it.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- Despicable.- Look, Deeds, I'm so sorry I didn't believe you.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33You were right. Tamara is clinically bananas.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36She grounded me for trying to go to the Candy Bop.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39I knew it, just like I knew she binned my rocket.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43I need you to help prove to my dad she's a fruit cake
0:21:43 > 0:21:46with a side order of woo-woo! I haven't a clue how.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Duh! This is basic chaos theory stuff.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Tamara thrives on order and harmony,
0:21:52 > 0:21:55so one small change can have a very big effect.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Now...as you know...
0:22:07 > 0:22:13dance audition sorts the fit from the chav.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14The fit from the chav?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16You may be able to sing,
0:22:16 > 0:22:20but you must be able to dance with the grace of a svan!
0:22:20 > 0:22:21IMITATES HER: What's a svan?
0:22:21 > 0:22:25- The birdy with a long neck.- The bird with a long knickers?- Be quiet!
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Now, Jack, as you know, leaves his home with Milky the cow
0:22:29 > 0:22:33to get a fair price for her at the market.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35In your dance,
0:22:35 > 0:22:41I want you to express Jack's inner sadness at having to leave Milky.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43- Easy peasy. - SHE GASPS
0:22:43 > 0:22:47- Let us begin.- Hang on, Miss. I just need to get my secret weapon.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51- ALL: Secret weapon? - Now this, I've got to see.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54# Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
0:22:54 > 0:22:59# Got my glasses on, out the door I'm gonna to hit this city
0:22:59 > 0:23:02# Before I leave, brush my teeth With a bottle of Jack
0:23:02 > 0:23:06# Cause when I leave for the night I ain't coming back
0:23:06 > 0:23:08# I'm talking pedicure on my toes, toes
0:23:08 > 0:23:10# Trying on all our clothes, clothes
0:23:10 > 0:23:13# Boys blowing up our phones, phones
0:23:14 > 0:23:16# Dropped up and playing our favourite CDs
0:23:16 > 0:23:19# Going up to the parties
0:23:19 > 0:23:22# Trying to get a little bit tipsy...
0:23:22 > 0:23:24# Don't stop... #
0:23:32 > 0:23:36I said one small change, not trash the place.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40Oh! What on earth have you done?
0:23:40 > 0:23:44- You detestable little brat. - OK, trashing works for me!
0:23:49 > 0:23:54Look, Dad, Tamara's gone bonkers.
0:23:56 > 0:24:01- What are you talking about?- She... I trashed the lounge and she went...
0:24:01 > 0:24:05- nuts.- You trashed the lounge? After all the hassle you gave us?
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Look, it's about time you realised that Tamara is the best thing
0:24:08 > 0:24:11that ever happened to this place.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Don't be too hard on her, Stephen.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17I'll have to put up with worse if I'm going to be here forever.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19No!
0:24:21 > 0:24:23SLOWED DOWN: Three...
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Two....
0:24:27 > 0:24:30One!
0:24:33 > 0:24:36FIRE!
0:24:59 > 0:25:03Look at my beautiful dress! My cushion!
0:25:03 > 0:25:05You're not children, you're animals!
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Just wait until I get my claws into you!
0:25:10 > 0:25:13I'm going to make your life a living nightmare! Argh!
0:25:13 > 0:25:20- You what?- Oh...the little darlings. - Nobody talks to them like that.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24They may be lazy, ungrateful, badly behaved kids
0:25:24 > 0:25:27but they're my lazy, ungrateful, badly behaved kids.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Take your cushion and leave.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37I hope he'll be very happy with your filthy family.
0:25:40 > 0:25:47- Told you.- Sorry, Dad. I just didn't realise she was so...explosive.
0:25:47 > 0:25:48Yeah... Well.
0:25:50 > 0:25:56- Is that my rocket?- Um... maybe.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58You are...so amazing!
0:25:58 > 0:26:01You got up to 100 PSI!
0:26:01 > 0:26:04If I leave now, I can be at the science fair!
0:26:04 > 0:26:08Two secs, can you give me a backy on your bike to the Candy Bop?
0:26:08 > 0:26:14- Has anybody seen my polka dot neckerchief?- Ah... oops...
0:26:14 > 0:26:17No big deal. Thanks, Dad.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- Uh, Sadie.- What? - ALL: Nothing.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Manolo Blahniks! I've got to go.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Rehearsals for Jack And The Beanstalk start in five.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Say what? Miss V forgave you for the cow disaster?
0:26:52 > 0:26:55- Of course.- So who are you playing?
0:26:55 > 0:26:58- The, er...title character.- Jack?
0:26:59 > 0:27:01The beanstalk.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05I think it's going to be my greatest acting challenge yet.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd