Fight Night

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0:00:05 > 0:00:09# Time is running out Stories to be found

0:00:09 > 0:00:11# What's it all about?

0:00:11 > 0:00:14# Got to go and check around

0:00:14 > 0:00:18# If there's a rumour going round

0:00:18 > 0:00:22# Don't you forget it Whenever something's going down

0:00:22 > 0:00:29# Got to get that scoop!

0:00:29 > 0:00:33# Got to get that S-C-O-O-P! #

0:00:46 > 0:00:48ALARM BLEEPS

0:00:51 > 0:00:53ALARM BLEEPS

0:00:53 > 0:00:55SECOND ALARM SOUNDS

0:01:17 > 0:01:22Yeuch! One sugar, please, and make it a big one.

0:01:24 > 0:01:26HE SPLUTTERS

0:01:27 > 0:01:29Paperboy!

0:01:37 > 0:01:38GROWL!

0:01:53 > 0:01:55Woof, woof, woof!

0:02:00 > 0:02:01Hmm!

0:02:25 > 0:02:26Ah-ha-ha!

0:02:26 > 0:02:27Ha-ha-ha-ha!

0:02:27 > 0:02:30Mwah! Ha-ha!

0:02:30 > 0:02:31Aagh!

0:02:41 > 0:02:44Hacker, do you know whose skateboard this is?

0:02:44 > 0:02:47Naagh! Very dangerous things left lying around.

0:02:49 > 0:02:53Do you remember last week at the Pilbury rock festival? Yes.

0:02:54 > 0:02:56"Dopey Digby The Guitar Smash.

0:02:57 > 0:03:00Still, a front page is a front page I suppose.

0:03:00 > 0:03:04I just wish it was written by me and not about me

0:03:08 > 0:03:12I must be the only reporter who can hold an interview

0:03:12 > 0:03:14while doing a kick flick.

0:03:15 > 0:03:18Everywhere I go now, skateboards.

0:03:18 > 0:03:22I don't know where they're all coming from. Got any ideas? No.

0:03:22 > 0:03:25There could be a top story here

0:03:25 > 0:03:26Are you listening to me?

0:03:26 > 0:03:29Pilbury skateboard peril.

0:03:29 > 0:03:32Yes, it's got a nice ring to it

0:03:32 > 0:03:36Speaking of which, the editor's due to ring me at any moment.

0:03:36 > 0:03:38Dream on!

0:03:38 > 0:03:40He said he would. Ooh.

0:03:40 > 0:03:41I'm sure he will.

0:03:45 > 0:03:48I'll phone him to check he's going to phone me.

0:03:53 > 0:03:54PHONE RINGS

0:03:55 > 0:03:57Max de Lacey, editor in chief.

0:03:57 > 0:04:00'Hi, boss, it's Digby.' Who?

0:04:00 > 0:04:04Digby Digworth. Ace reporter, suave and intelligent.

0:04:04 > 0:04:08Sorry, wrong number. The only Digby I know is stupid. Simon.

0:04:08 > 0:04:12He's complimenting me on last week's story.

0:04:12 > 0:04:16However, I've got a job that even you can't muck up.

0:04:16 > 0:04:19He's giving me the best job of the week. Thank you, sir

0:04:19 > 0:04:23To make it big you have to give people a helping hand.

0:04:25 > 0:04:26Hey. Agh!

0:04:26 > 0:04:28'What's my assignment?'

0:04:28 > 0:04:33Let me give you a clue. Watch out, Mister, it's The Ballista

0:04:33 > 0:04:35Do you hear what I'm saying?

0:04:35 > 0:04:38Just about. 'Do I have to spell it out for you?'

0:04:38 > 0:04:40W-W-E.

0:04:40 > 0:04:44W, double E. What?

0:04:44 > 0:04:45"Wee."

0:04:48 > 0:04:50Ever been? Once or twice.

0:04:50 > 0:04:54Consider yourself a new wrestling correspondent. Wrestling?

0:04:54 > 0:04:57Like in America? 'Better than that.'

0:04:57 > 0:05:01The Pilbury Post is putting on its own wrestling competition.

0:05:01 > 0:05:04I want you to interview The Ballista.

0:05:04 > 0:05:07He's got a thing about people staring.

0:05:07 > 0:05:10Don't look him in the eye. Or else. Or else what?

0:05:10 > 0:05:14Simon, hey! Ooh!

0:05:14 > 0:05:15Owww!

0:05:15 > 0:05:16Oh!

0:05:16 > 0:05:20I've got to go and ring that idiot Digby Digworth.

0:05:31 > 0:05:33How about that, Hacker?

0:05:33 > 0:05:36We're going to interview a big time wrestling star.

0:05:36 > 0:05:40We've made it. Let's go and sniff out the story.

0:05:40 > 0:05:43I smell a scoop! Wooh!

0:05:44 > 0:05:46Ahh!

0:06:07 > 0:06:11We've got to interview The Ballista. What could be simpler?

0:06:11 > 0:06:14Put the Radio on, Hacker. I feel like some music.

0:06:15 > 0:06:17MUSIC PLAYS

0:06:22 > 0:06:25'This is Radio Pilbury. Later we'll be bringing you

0:06:25 > 0:06:30'live coverage of today's wrestling match between The Ballista -'

0:06:31 > 0:06:34'Yes, watch out, mister, it's The Ballista!'

0:06:34 > 0:06:36'And contender, The Biter -'

0:06:36 > 0:06:40'Biter, biter, dirty fighter.'

0:06:40 > 0:06:44The whole town has gone wrestling crazy. How far is it to the stadium?

0:06:47 > 0:06:50'Your destination is one mile.

0:06:50 > 0:06:52'Proceed for 500 metres.'

0:06:52 > 0:06:54'Then turn left.'

0:06:56 > 0:07:01'Watch out, mister, it's The Ballista!'

0:07:05 > 0:07:08'Yes, tonight's the night, the night for a fight.'

0:07:08 > 0:07:11Let's go back to the radio.

0:07:12 > 0:07:15MUSIC PLAYS

0:07:15 > 0:07:19Remember, The Ballista reacts badly if people stare at him.

0:07:19 > 0:07:24Woof! Don't look him in the eyes or you know what will happen to you.

0:07:24 > 0:07:26'Waaaargh!' Exactly.

0:07:26 > 0:07:28GULP!

0:07:32 > 0:07:40Stop the fight! Wrestlers out!

0:07:40 > 0:07:43Stop the fight! Wrestlers...

0:07:43 > 0:07:46You don't like wrestling, huh?

0:07:47 > 0:07:50Don't wanna see Billy The Biter get beat?

0:07:51 > 0:07:54Don't want these free tickets then?

0:07:59 > 0:08:02It works every time.

0:08:05 > 0:08:06Oh!

0:08:08 > 0:08:10Hey, chunky!

0:08:10 > 0:08:13Huh? Are you referring to me?

0:08:13 > 0:08:15Give me a hand with these, will ya?

0:08:15 > 0:08:17Back's playing up.

0:08:17 > 0:08:19Slipped disc? Slipped up.

0:08:19 > 0:08:24Had a run-in with Giant Hammerlock, the roughest wrestler in Redmond.

0:08:24 > 0:08:28You'd be surprised what a gut buster drop can do.

0:08:28 > 0:08:31No. That's no way to treat the elderly.

0:08:31 > 0:08:34Yeah? Well, he deserved it.

0:08:34 > 0:08:35Arf-ow-wow!

0:08:35 > 0:08:38Stop being silly, Hacker.

0:08:38 > 0:08:40Rrrr! Grrr! Woof!

0:08:41 > 0:08:44What do you think you're doing

0:08:44 > 0:08:46I'm not doing anything.

0:08:46 > 0:08:48Wait a minute, "Stop the fight.

0:08:48 > 0:08:51What's this? What does it look like?

0:08:51 > 0:08:53You can read, can't you?

0:08:53 > 0:08:57You should be ashamed. You've come to wreck the wrestling.

0:08:57 > 0:08:59You're a wrestling wrecker.

0:08:59 > 0:09:01I'm a wrestling wrecker? You admit it.

0:09:01 > 0:09:04You can't get one over on Digby D Digworth.

0:09:04 > 0:09:08Do you know what the D stands for? Dimwit? Detective.

0:09:08 > 0:09:10This is a big event for our town.

0:09:10 > 0:09:13We don't need someone like you to sabotage it.

0:09:13 > 0:09:16'Digby Digworth? You may enter.

0:09:16 > 0:09:17Huh!

0:09:18 > 0:09:20Come, Hacker.

0:09:21 > 0:09:23Huh! Huh!

0:09:25 > 0:09:27We don't want to upset The Ballista.

0:09:27 > 0:09:30You know what will happen if we look him in the eye.

0:09:30 > 0:09:32Owww!

0:09:32 > 0:09:36Exactly. Luckily, I'm on top of the situation. Try those on

0:09:37 > 0:09:41There we go. Ha! Ready? Woof!

0:09:42 > 0:09:43Whoa!

0:09:43 > 0:09:48Mr Ballista! Digby Digworth, top reporter.

0:09:48 > 0:09:49Agghhh!

0:09:49 > 0:09:52You've heard of me! A reputation spreads.

0:09:52 > 0:09:53Aagghhh!

0:09:53 > 0:09:55Aaaaghhh!

0:09:56 > 0:09:58Aaaaghhh! Wooh!

0:10:01 > 0:10:04Oooh! Oh!

0:10:04 > 0:10:08Perhaps that's a traditional wrestling greeting. Huh?

0:10:10 > 0:10:15I didn't go in there with that did I? Why didn't you tell me? Uh?

0:10:15 > 0:10:19How are we going to get back in and get my interview?

0:10:20 > 0:10:21Ha!

0:10:46 > 0:10:54Aaggghhhh...!

0:11:10 > 0:11:13Where is he? Where is my practice partner?

0:11:13 > 0:11:14I'm ready to rock and rumble.

0:11:14 > 0:11:17..Aaaghhh!

0:11:17 > 0:11:19Rargh!

0:11:19 > 0:11:22There you are. Huh? Ah! Uh!

0:11:22 > 0:11:25Ohh! Oooh!

0:11:25 > 0:11:26Ohh!

0:11:26 > 0:11:29A bit smaller than I expected.

0:11:29 > 0:11:33Still, glad to see you've come prepared.

0:11:33 > 0:11:35Ohhh!

0:11:49 > 0:11:53Are you looking at me?

0:11:53 > 0:11:59I should hope not, too.

0:11:59 > 0:12:00Aggghhh!

0:12:00 > 0:12:02Exactly.

0:12:14 > 0:12:17Grrr! Grrr!

0:12:21 > 0:12:23Eek! Oh!

0:12:23 > 0:12:26GRRRRRR!

0:12:31 > 0:12:34The wrestling wrecker. What's she up to now?

0:12:36 > 0:12:37Gotcha!

0:12:37 > 0:12:41Not you again! Where are you going with those?

0:12:41 > 0:12:43Listen, chunky, don't you know who I am?

0:12:43 > 0:12:46Yes - a wrestling wrecker. Give those to me.

0:12:48 > 0:12:50Give! Oh!

0:12:52 > 0:12:54Oh, yeah! Watch out, Mister.

0:12:54 > 0:12:56I'm The Ballista.

0:12:57 > 0:12:59Agghhhh!

0:13:00 > 0:13:03Grrr! Aaghhh!

0:13:03 > 0:13:05Aggghhhh!

0:13:08 > 0:13:12Oh! Oh! Oh!

0:13:12 > 0:13:14Give! Give! Oh!

0:13:14 > 0:13:16Agh!

0:13:21 > 0:13:24You got a lot of guts for a little fella.

0:13:24 > 0:13:26Doesn't say much, does he, eh?

0:13:26 > 0:13:29It's you. About earlier.

0:13:29 > 0:13:34Is he with you? Yeah? Any friend of yours is a friend of mine.

0:13:34 > 0:13:35Oooh!

0:13:36 > 0:13:38So, the interview is back on? Sure.

0:13:38 > 0:13:42Just one thing. You've got to take off those dark glasses

0:13:42 > 0:13:44They make you look kind of stupid.

0:13:48 > 0:13:49Maybe it wasn't the glasses.

0:13:49 > 0:13:53Ha-ha-ha!

0:13:53 > 0:13:57Remember, whatever you do, don't look him in the eye.

0:13:58 > 0:14:01Oh! I hear dumb-bells calling.

0:14:01 > 0:14:02I never said a word.

0:14:02 > 0:14:06You guys OK to chat on the circuit? I got to go train.

0:14:06 > 0:14:07No problemo.

0:14:16 > 0:14:18So how did you get into wrestling?

0:14:18 > 0:14:22It's in my blood. Ma and Pa were both great wrestlers.

0:14:22 > 0:14:26They must have been proud when little Blister burst onto the scene.

0:14:26 > 0:14:30It's Ballista. Are you one of those guys who wants to wind me up?

0:14:30 > 0:14:34No. I can look you straight in the eye and say that.

0:14:34 > 0:14:37But I wouldn't. Your ear, maybe

0:14:37 > 0:14:41Anyway, wrestling is all pretend, isn't it? Oh, sure.

0:14:41 > 0:14:43This is a pretend wrist lock. Agh!

0:14:43 > 0:14:45A pretend shoulder lock. Agh!

0:14:45 > 0:14:47Oh!

0:14:47 > 0:14:50And this is a pretend head lock Agh! What do you think?

0:14:50 > 0:14:53It's very realistic.

0:14:53 > 0:14:56Like you say, it's only acting You're a natural.

0:14:57 > 0:14:59Hacker, give me some water.

0:15:06 > 0:15:08It's blocked. Oh!

0:15:10 > 0:15:12What's the matter with it?

0:15:12 > 0:15:16Agh! My foot, my foot! I've broken my foot.

0:15:16 > 0:15:20That's a great catchphrase. "Me foot, I've broken me foot."

0:15:20 > 0:15:25My foot! Oh, you mean you have broken your foot?

0:15:25 > 0:15:27BELL RINGS

0:15:27 > 0:15:29Oh?

0:15:30 > 0:15:34Oh! My foot! Agh!

0:15:34 > 0:15:39Digby? What's that noise? Sounds like someone is in agony

0:15:39 > 0:15:42No, it's only me, boss. Aagh! That's all right.

0:15:42 > 0:15:47I thought you had done some terrible injury to our star, The Ballista.

0:15:47 > 0:15:49Ha! Agh!

0:15:49 > 0:15:50Hang on.

0:15:50 > 0:15:56Eurgh! Agh! Eurgh!

0:15:56 > 0:15:58Agh! Eugh!

0:15:58 > 0:16:01This is a big event for the Pilbury Post.

0:16:01 > 0:16:06Sponsorship is costing us a fortune. The fight's off. What's off?

0:16:06 > 0:16:10The lights. The lights are off. Nothing to worry about.

0:16:10 > 0:16:13This place is a joke. I'm out of here.

0:16:13 > 0:16:17See what he's got to say at this pre-fight press conference

0:16:17 > 0:16:18Don't muck it up.

0:16:18 > 0:16:22Eurgh! Agh!

0:16:23 > 0:16:27The press conference, Hacker. It's all right. Don't panic.

0:16:27 > 0:16:32This top reporter still has one last ace up his sleeve.

0:16:32 > 0:16:34What we need is a source.

0:16:34 > 0:16:36No, Hacker, not brown sauce.

0:16:36 > 0:16:38A source of information.

0:16:39 > 0:16:42Sid the source.

0:16:49 > 0:16:53You looking for me? Sid. Who else are you expecting? Homer Simpson?

0:16:53 > 0:16:58I've got a problem. Don't worry I can get you a new shirt.

0:16:58 > 0:17:01No, that's not my problem. You reckon?

0:17:01 > 0:17:05The Ballista has hurt his foot there's no one to face the press.

0:17:05 > 0:17:08You know me. Always happy to help. Hacker, doggy bag.

0:17:12 > 0:17:14Hold this for a minute, will you?

0:17:18 > 0:17:21What do you really know about wrestling?

0:17:21 > 0:17:25Nothing. More than I thought.

0:17:25 > 0:17:28You've got two problems. No wrestler and no match.

0:17:28 > 0:17:30Exactly. What can I do?

0:17:33 > 0:17:35Get someone to stand in for the Ballista.

0:17:35 > 0:17:37Brilliant, Sid. Who?

0:17:41 > 0:17:44You. Me?

0:17:44 > 0:17:48But I don't look anything like him. You might as well suggest Hacker.

0:17:48 > 0:17:50With the right disguise.

0:17:51 > 0:17:53Come on, Hacker.

0:17:56 > 0:18:07I was going to say there's a stall over there

0:18:07 > 0:18:12I'm never setting foot... Hey! Mom! Mom!

0:18:15 > 0:18:18Not before time! What are you doing in the closet?

0:18:18 > 0:18:21Not looking for a mop. That's for sure.

0:18:21 > 0:18:25It was that incompetent reporter Digby Digworth.

0:18:25 > 0:18:27He put me in there.

0:18:27 > 0:18:30He did that to you? he put you in the closet? He surely did.

0:18:30 > 0:18:35I bet it was that hairy little fella put him up to it.

0:18:35 > 0:18:37Hairy little fella? He's a dog

0:18:37 > 0:18:39Oh!

0:18:39 > 0:18:41Just like his father...

0:18:41 > 0:18:44SHE MUMBLES

0:18:44 > 0:18:47No one does that to my mom and gets away with it.

0:18:47 > 0:18:50Digby Digworth, your days are numbered.

0:18:50 > 0:18:53Watch out, Mister, here comes The Ballista.

0:19:00 > 0:19:04Hacker, with luck we might get away with this press conference

0:19:04 > 0:19:06That balloon has given us height.

0:19:06 > 0:19:09I hope nobody notices the lack of hair.

0:19:11 > 0:19:12Grr!

0:19:12 > 0:19:13BANG

0:19:13 > 0:19:16Huh? What was that? Not to worry.

0:19:16 > 0:19:19Probably nothing important. Let's do it.

0:19:27 > 0:19:31'Finally I'd ask, please do not look the Ballista in the eyes.

0:19:31 > 0:19:32'Or else...'

0:19:32 > 0:19:34ALL GASP

0:19:34 > 0:19:35'Exactly.'

0:19:37 > 0:19:41Mr Ballista, have you had some sort of training accident

0:19:43 > 0:19:43Oh, that.

0:19:45 > 0:19:49No, nothing to worry about. Nothing major.

0:19:49 > 0:19:51You don't look too good.

0:19:51 > 0:19:53They've noticed the lack of hair.

0:19:55 > 0:19:58I wanted a change of image so I chopped it off.

0:19:58 > 0:20:01It had been getting on my nerves, to be honest.

0:20:12 > 0:20:14Huh?

0:20:14 > 0:20:15SCREAMS

0:20:18 > 0:20:21Now, are there any more questions?

0:20:22 > 0:20:23No?

0:20:25 > 0:20:30Oh! Let's go and find the real Ballista. Oh!

0:20:30 > 0:20:33'Mr Ballista, please report immediately -

0:20:33 > 0:20:36'the wrestling bout starts in five minutes.'

0:20:39 > 0:20:41CHEERING

0:20:41 > 0:20:45'What a night for a fight!

0:20:45 > 0:20:52'Sponsored by the Bilberry Post This is the Bilberry no holds,

0:20:52 > 0:20:55'featuring the two hottest stars of the moment.

0:20:55 > 0:21:01'First up, baddest of the bad guys, it's The Biter!

0:21:01 > 0:21:05CROWD: Biter, Biter, Dirty Fighter!

0:21:05 > 0:21:08'They sure hate him here, but does he care?

0:21:08 > 0:21:10CROWD: Dirty Fighter...

0:21:10 > 0:21:12'I don't think so.'

0:21:12 > 0:21:14Dirty Fighter!

0:21:14 > 0:21:16'I can't hear you!

0:21:16 > 0:21:19'Louder!'

0:21:20 > 0:21:23Biter, Biter. Dirty Fighter!

0:21:23 > 0:21:30'And at 6 feet 8 inches of pure muscle, it's the Ballista!'

0:21:30 > 0:21:33Mister, mister, here comes the Ballista.

0:21:33 > 0:21:36'Louder!'

0:21:36 > 0:21:38Here comes the Ballista!

0:21:38 > 0:21:40'Where is he?

0:21:42 > 0:21:43'Wow!

0:21:44 > 0:21:48'Well, amazing what a spell away from the ring can do for you.

0:21:48 > 0:21:51'Still, I'm sure he still packs a punch.

0:21:55 > 0:21:58Watch out, Mister, we want the Ballista!

0:22:01 > 0:22:03Grrrr!

0:22:09 > 0:22:15Keep half an eye out for that wrestling wrecker.

0:22:21 > 0:22:24There he is. The one that puts you in with the brooms.

0:22:24 > 0:22:27I'm going to make a clean sweep out of him.

0:22:27 > 0:22:30I'll go check the lighting.

0:22:30 > 0:22:33You know how they always make you look so pasty.

0:22:38 > 0:22:41'That's it. It's show time!'

0:22:46 > 0:22:49Hello. How do you do?

0:22:49 > 0:22:51Grrr! Aargh!

0:22:51 > 0:22:55Ah! Just in the nick of time. Am I glad to see you?

0:22:55 > 0:22:57Obviously, I'm not looking at you.

0:22:57 > 0:23:00It seems we have one person too many in this ring.

0:23:00 > 0:23:02You're right, I'll be off.

0:23:02 > 0:23:03Not you.

0:23:08 > 0:23:10Ohhh!

0:23:10 > 0:23:14'Remember, Hacker, keep half an eye out for that wrestling wrecker.

0:23:14 > 0:23:18'We don't want her ruining things. We're doing this for Pilbury.'

0:23:20 > 0:23:21What have I done?

0:23:21 > 0:23:23You locked my mom in the closet

0:23:23 > 0:23:26Your mum? I thought she was a fight protester.

0:23:26 > 0:23:29What? Perhaps I could just say sorry

0:23:29 > 0:23:33Sure - after I've broken every bone in your body.

0:23:33 > 0:23:34Hacker, Hacker!

0:23:34 > 0:23:38'Hang on! That wasn't on the schedule, but do we care? No!

0:23:38 > 0:23:40'It looks like Double Trouble.

0:23:40 > 0:23:43'Let's get ready to rumble!'

0:23:43 > 0:23:44CHEERING

0:23:48 > 0:23:50Hacker.

0:23:50 > 0:23:53Hey, that's my boy!

0:23:53 > 0:23:55Woof! Oh! Grr!

0:23:55 > 0:23:58Rrrr! Owww!

0:23:58 > 0:24:00Owww!

0:24:00 > 0:24:04Aaggh! Aaggh!

0:24:08 > 0:24:17'That's got to hurt.'

0:24:17 > 0:24:18Hacker!

0:24:20 > 0:24:22Hacker!

0:24:25 > 0:24:30Grrr! Rrrrr!

0:24:31 > 0:24:35Here, boy. Jockey drop.

0:24:39 > 0:24:43Oh! Oh! Grrr!

0:24:43 > 0:24:46Grr! Grr!

0:24:46 > 0:24:50'I have to say this has the ingredients to be a knockout.

0:24:50 > 0:24:54'Two athletes at the top of their game.'

0:24:54 > 0:24:59You want it? Huh? Huh? Come on

0:24:59 > 0:25:02'This is the hammer throw, ladies and gentlemen.

0:25:05 > 0:25:07I'm the Ballista!

0:25:09 > 0:25:10Come on!

0:25:10 > 0:25:12'OK, here we go.

0:25:14 > 0:25:16'Ooh, that's got to hurt!

0:25:17 > 0:25:21Hacker.

0:25:21 > 0:25:23Woof!

0:25:23 > 0:25:27Woof! Grrr!

0:25:27 > 0:25:31Wooof! Rrrr!

0:25:31 > 0:25:32Help!

0:25:36 > 0:25:39Would this be a good time to give up?

0:25:39 > 0:25:41Aargh!

0:25:41 > 0:25:43One. Hacker!

0:25:43 > 0:25:45Rrrrrr!

0:25:45 > 0:25:47Wooooof!

0:25:47 > 0:25:51Oww! Rrr! Grrr!

0:25:51 > 0:25:53Hacker. Huh?

0:25:53 > 0:25:55Grab the camera.

0:25:57 > 0:25:59Argh! And two!

0:26:03 > 0:26:06Smile for the camera.

0:26:07 > 0:26:11What are you doing?

0:26:12 > 0:26:13Aargh! Please!

0:26:13 > 0:26:16And three!

0:26:16 > 0:26:21No! Whatever you do, don't look him in the eye.

0:26:21 > 0:26:24Get a picture. I sense a front page.

0:26:32 > 0:26:33No!

0:26:33 > 0:26:38Mom, he did it. Nasty Digby did it. Boo-hoo!

0:26:38 > 0:26:43See what you've done now! That always happens.

0:26:43 > 0:26:47You... You...bully.

0:26:53 > 0:26:55Ah, hot off the press, Simon.

0:26:55 > 0:26:59Another award-winning front page no doubt.

0:27:03 > 0:27:08"Wrestler reduced to tears by Dodo Digby."

0:27:08 > 0:27:14Digby Digworth...!

0:27:32 > 0:27:34Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:34 > 0:27:37E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk