Northenders

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0:00:04 > 0:00:06# Time is running out

0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Stories to be found

0:00:09 > 0:00:11# What's it all about?

0:00:11 > 0:00:14# Got to go and check around

0:00:14 > 0:00:17# If there's a rumour going round

0:00:17 > 0:00:19# Don't you forget it

0:00:19 > 0:00:22# Whenever something's going down

0:00:22 > 0:00:25# Got to get that scoop

0:00:25 > 0:00:27# Got to get that scoop

0:00:27 > 0:00:29# Got to get that scoop

0:00:29 > 0:00:30# Got to get that

0:00:30 > 0:00:34# S-C-O-O-P #

0:00:38 > 0:00:41Dad, the bathroom door's locked.

0:00:41 > 0:00:44How about a nice big fried breakfast, Hacker?

0:00:44 > 0:00:46If you mean like yesterday, no.

0:00:46 > 0:00:49What's wrong with deep-fried cornflakes?

0:00:49 > 0:00:51Digby, I'm trying to watch NorthEnders.

0:00:51 > 0:00:55- What's NorthEnders? - Only the biggest soap opera on TV.

0:00:55 > 0:00:58Now, shush! There's a good bit coming up.

0:00:58 > 0:01:01- Come on. What's the big surprise? - That would be telling.

0:01:01 > 0:01:04- So tell me! - I'll do better than that, princess.

0:01:04 > 0:01:06I'll show you.

0:01:06 > 0:01:08You wait there.

0:01:08 > 0:01:11A surprise! A big surprise!

0:01:11 > 0:01:14It'd be a great scoop if we could find it out.

0:01:14 > 0:01:18- I've got a much better idea for a big news story.- What?

0:01:18 > 0:01:22Take a look...at this!

0:01:22 > 0:01:25This rasher is the spitting image of Elvis!

0:01:25 > 0:01:29Famous Faces In My Food! Max will love it! Come on!

0:01:29 > 0:01:32But what about the big surprise in NorthEnders?

0:01:32 > 0:01:35Oh, forget it, Hacker! Only idiots watch soap operas.

0:01:35 > 0:01:36Huh?

0:01:40 > 0:01:42- HE SLURPS - "I wouldn't mind another one,

0:01:42 > 0:01:45- and I was very good at it." - MAX CHUCKLES

0:01:45 > 0:01:49I can't wait to see what the big surprise is on NorthEnders.

0:01:49 > 0:01:51- Me, too. - Yeah. It's a great show, innit?

0:01:51 > 0:01:54- I love NorthEnders, me. - You said only idiots -

0:01:54 > 0:01:56Don't appreciate the exciting stories.

0:01:56 > 0:02:00And talking about exciting stories, Famous Faces In My Food!

0:02:00 > 0:02:03Ssh! And get out of my chair!

0:02:05 > 0:02:09Food that looks like famous people! This could be a runner, Max.

0:02:09 > 0:02:12Last night I had a pizza. Meat feast with extra cheese.

0:02:12 > 0:02:15You could see the entire England football team!

0:02:15 > 0:02:17- HE ROARS - Be quiet.

0:02:17 > 0:02:21- They're about to reveal all. - Come on. I can't wait any longer.

0:02:21 > 0:02:24- What's the big surprise? - Here we are.

0:02:24 > 0:02:26YAPPING

0:02:26 > 0:02:29Dad! It's a dog! Can I keep him?

0:02:29 > 0:02:33Course you can, princess! Say hello to Scampi!

0:02:33 > 0:02:34He's all yours.

0:02:34 > 0:02:36MAX SOBS

0:02:36 > 0:02:39I knew Roy wouldn't let little Andrea down!

0:02:39 > 0:02:42Little Andrea's always wanted a dog, and now she's got one!

0:02:42 > 0:02:44Yeah. Crackin' episode.

0:02:44 > 0:02:47THEY BLOW NOISILY

0:02:47 > 0:02:48Oh!

0:02:48 > 0:02:53- I want that story, and fast! - Brilliant! You won't regret it.

0:02:53 > 0:02:55I can see Kylie in this rich tea.

0:02:55 > 0:02:57- HE SIGHS - I meant the big NorthEnders story!

0:02:57 > 0:03:01No. I'm sorry. I've got to stick to my principles.

0:03:01 > 0:03:05It's Famous Faces In My Food or nothing.

0:03:05 > 0:03:08- Fair enough. I'm sure Hacker can manage on his own.- Yeah.

0:03:08 > 0:03:10So, where is this TV studio?

0:03:15 > 0:03:19If there's a story here, Hacker, I will sniff it out.

0:03:19 > 0:03:21Look!

0:03:24 > 0:03:26Yes!

0:03:26 > 0:03:30That's the sort of news people like reading about.

0:03:30 > 0:03:34They give you free coffee and doughnuts here.

0:03:34 > 0:03:37HE LAUGHS

0:03:37 > 0:03:39Two coffees and two doughnuts, please.

0:03:39 > 0:03:43- What are you having, Hacker? Hang on! That's mine!- Get your own!

0:03:43 > 0:03:45Digby! That's Dave Norris!

0:03:45 > 0:03:48- Who?- Roy, out of NorthEnders!

0:03:48 > 0:03:49Security!

0:03:49 > 0:03:51CRASHING

0:03:51 > 0:03:54- See?- Oh, Dave!

0:03:54 > 0:03:58Oh! I am an enormous fan of yours.

0:03:58 > 0:04:00Put it there! Oh...

0:04:00 > 0:04:03Somebody get this lummox out of here! Where's security?

0:04:03 > 0:04:06- Dave, what's wrong?- This fool...

0:04:06 > 0:04:11- Fool? I am Digby D Digworth. - Pilbury Post, reporter. OK.

0:04:11 > 0:04:15- I don't care who he is.- We don't want to upset the press, Dave.

0:04:15 > 0:04:18- All right. But any trouble, and I want him out.- I'm Lorraine,

0:04:18 > 0:04:20producer of NorthEnders. How can I help you?

0:04:20 > 0:04:24- We're here to do a story about the new dog.- I want to meet him.

0:04:24 > 0:04:28We haven't managed to find the right dog for the part yet.

0:04:28 > 0:04:31But that's terrible! Hacker! No dog, no story!

0:04:31 > 0:04:33Max will go mad!

0:04:33 > 0:04:37It must be difficult to find a dog who's clever enough to act.

0:04:37 > 0:04:39You need a dog for the show?

0:04:43 > 0:04:46Oh, no, Hacker!

0:04:46 > 0:04:48Don't go there! Not here!

0:04:48 > 0:04:51MUSIC POUNDS

0:04:56 > 0:04:59- # He's the number-one dog - # Do you mean me?

0:04:59 > 0:05:01- # All the right moves - # VIP

0:05:01 > 0:05:02- # When the going gets rough - # I'll have a cup of tea

0:05:02 > 0:05:05- # H-A-C-K-E-R - # Hacker

0:05:05 > 0:05:07- # He's the bomb - # You're gonna beg for more

0:05:07 > 0:05:09- # Looks so divine - # I'm the K to the 9

0:05:09 > 0:05:11- # Can scratch with ease - # I got showbiz fleas

0:05:11 > 0:05:13# And when I see a tree I go pee

0:05:13 > 0:05:15- # Top dog - # Top dog

0:05:15 > 0:05:17- # Top dog - # That's me

0:05:17 > 0:05:21- # He's the coolest of the canines... - HE HOWLS

0:05:21 > 0:05:23- # Top dog - # Uh-huh

0:05:23 > 0:05:25- # Top dog - # Sing it, girls

0:05:25 > 0:05:30- # He's the coolest of the canines - # Stop! Digby time!

0:05:30 > 0:05:32# He's Hacker, not a slacker, I'm his number-one backer

0:05:32 > 0:05:34# He's the salt to my pepper, he's the cheese on my cracker

0:05:34 > 0:05:36# When I'm wrong he takes the flak, his bark is more a yap

0:05:36 > 0:05:39# So come on, shake your maracas...

0:05:42 > 0:05:44Aaargh!

0:05:44 > 0:05:47HE LAUGHS

0:05:47 > 0:05:49# Go, Hacker, go, Hacker

0:05:49 > 0:05:51# Go Hacker, go, Hacker

0:05:51 > 0:05:53# Go, Hacker, go, Hacker

0:05:53 > 0:05:55# Go, Hacker, go, Hacker

0:05:55 > 0:05:57# Go, Hacker, go, Hacker

0:05:57 > 0:05:59# Go, Hacker, go, Hacker

0:05:59 > 0:06:01# Go, Hacker, go, Hacker #

0:06:01 > 0:06:04Hacker! Hacker! Hacker!

0:06:07 > 0:06:11I'm really sorry. Calm down, you.

0:06:11 > 0:06:14- Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - What are you thinking?

0:06:14 > 0:06:18I'm thinking we've found our new family pet.

0:06:18 > 0:06:20- That's just what I was thinking. - What?

0:06:20 > 0:06:24- Do you want Hacker to play the part? - Who are you - his manager?

0:06:24 > 0:06:27Er, yes! Where Hacker goes, I go.

0:06:27 > 0:06:29In that case, forget it. I'm sorry, my little friend.

0:06:29 > 0:06:32- HE GROWLS - Look, it's either Hacker here,

0:06:32 > 0:06:34- or no dog.- All right.

0:06:34 > 0:06:37- But keep that doughnut thief away from me.- Come on.

0:06:38 > 0:06:41- Let's get you to makeup!- Yeah.

0:06:41 > 0:06:45It's all right, Dave. We showbiz managers know the score.

0:06:45 > 0:06:49- I'll keep an eye on him. - It's not the dog I'm worried about.

0:06:51 > 0:06:54Scampi here's the best present ever, Dad.

0:06:54 > 0:06:58I'm glad you like young Scampi. Soon as I saw him in that dogs' home,

0:06:58 > 0:07:00I said, "That's the one for my lass."

0:07:00 > 0:07:03He looks a bit cold.

0:07:03 > 0:07:05- And thirsty. - HE PANTS

0:07:05 > 0:07:07Don't you worry. I'll soon sort him out.

0:07:10 > 0:07:13- It's a great show, Dave. - That's my chair. Can't you read?

0:07:14 > 0:07:15On the back!

0:07:15 > 0:07:18CRASHING

0:07:18 > 0:07:20Digby, behave!

0:07:23 > 0:07:27Here we are. Some nice milk and some doggy biscuits.

0:07:27 > 0:07:30HAMMERING

0:07:31 > 0:07:36Stop everything! Lorraine, can you please ask Mr Digworth

0:07:36 > 0:07:40- to keep quiet during rehearsals? - Yeah! It's distracting me too.

0:07:40 > 0:07:43- You're all doing very well, Lorraine.- Thank you!

0:07:43 > 0:07:47If you could just sit down quietly over there... Thank you.

0:07:47 > 0:07:48OK!

0:07:48 > 0:07:52Right. Let's go again, people.

0:07:52 > 0:07:55He's the best present ever, Dad.

0:07:55 > 0:07:57Oh, I'm glad you like young Scampi.

0:07:57 > 0:07:59Soon as I saw him in that dogs' home,

0:07:59 > 0:08:02- I said that's the one... - PHONE RINGING

0:08:07 > 0:08:10Max! Hiya, Max! You'll never believe this.

0:08:10 > 0:08:14- Hacker's got the part!- "What?!"

0:08:14 > 0:08:16- Speak up, man.- In NorthEnders!

0:08:16 > 0:08:18Hacker's the new family pet!

0:08:18 > 0:08:20- He looks a bit cold.- I know!

0:08:20 > 0:08:24- It's incredible. And he's doing really -- "Marvellous!"

0:08:24 > 0:08:28- Any juicy stories yet? - I'm right on the case, Max.

0:08:28 > 0:08:30I want to know about all the arguments,

0:08:30 > 0:08:33- the on-set disasters! - On-set disasters?

0:08:33 > 0:08:36No, no. It's all going really well here.

0:08:36 > 0:08:38No problems at all.

0:08:41 > 0:08:43Um... I-I'll phone you back, Max.

0:08:44 > 0:08:47You...are the problem.

0:08:47 > 0:08:50You are an on-set disaster.

0:08:50 > 0:08:52Lorraine, I don't care if he IS the press.

0:08:52 > 0:08:54I cannot work with him blundering around

0:08:54 > 0:08:57when I am trying to act!

0:08:57 > 0:08:59Ooh, he's so unprofessional!

0:08:59 > 0:09:01All right! All right.

0:09:01 > 0:09:03Digby,

0:09:03 > 0:09:06- I'll arrange a special viewing area for you.- Ooh!

0:09:06 > 0:09:11- A special viewing area! Thank you! - It's our pleasure.

0:09:16 > 0:09:19OK, guys. Let's rehearse the next scene.

0:09:20 > 0:09:24This Post reporter was accorded the privilege

0:09:24 > 0:09:29of a special viewing area to watch the new NorthEnders hound

0:09:29 > 0:09:32go through his...paces...

0:09:34 > 0:09:36Where's the light? Ah!

0:09:36 > 0:09:39Do you want to go for walkies, Scampi?

0:09:39 > 0:09:42Why not? It's a lovely day. Not a cloud in the sky!

0:09:42 > 0:09:46He could do with the exercise. I can hardly lift him.

0:09:50 > 0:09:52What's going on now?

0:09:56 > 0:09:58Argh! HE HOWLS

0:10:01 > 0:10:04- Does anyone know where the light switch is?- Digby!

0:10:08 > 0:10:11I'm not saying another line until he's gone.

0:10:11 > 0:10:14He ruined my big scene.

0:10:14 > 0:10:17Compromise. You two give him an exclusive interview,

0:10:17 > 0:10:20then we can ask him to leave. OK?

0:10:20 > 0:10:22- OK.- But five minutes!

0:10:22 > 0:10:25That's all he gets.

0:10:26 > 0:10:29Oh, yes. Very classy!

0:10:29 > 0:10:32- You don't look too bad yourself! - Yeah.

0:10:32 > 0:10:34Like two peas in a pod, ain't we?

0:10:34 > 0:10:37Thanks for the interview, lads.

0:10:37 > 0:10:39This is going to be an award-winning story.

0:10:39 > 0:10:41- Well, just get on with it. - Absolutely.

0:10:42 > 0:10:46Let's get going. Total concentration.

0:10:46 > 0:10:49- Now... - HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:10:49 > 0:10:52What's it like being a big star?

0:10:52 > 0:10:55- Well, it's...- Ahem!

0:10:55 > 0:10:57It's a huge responsibility being a role model -

0:10:57 > 0:11:00- I don't believe it! - What?- There's a fruit basket!

0:11:00 > 0:11:03- HE LAUGHS - You've got a fruit basket, Hacker,

0:11:03 > 0:11:08with a real pineapple. Oh! Look at all these little lights, eh?

0:11:08 > 0:11:09HE LAUGHS

0:11:12 > 0:11:14ELECTRICITY CRACKLES Digby!

0:11:14 > 0:11:16- Interview.- Yeah. I'm sorry.

0:11:16 > 0:11:21I'm just so excited. But from now on, it's questions all the way.

0:11:21 > 0:11:24- Right. Fire.- Can I have a grape?

0:11:24 > 0:11:27- Have them all. Just get on with the interview.- OK.

0:11:27 > 0:11:29Here we go.

0:11:29 > 0:11:33HE CHOKES

0:11:33 > 0:11:35HE COUGHS

0:11:37 > 0:11:40Ooh! Sorry.

0:11:40 > 0:11:41Now...

0:11:45 > 0:11:48- I've lost my pen. - Here, use one of these.

0:11:49 > 0:11:53It's got NorthEnders on it! Where do you get one of these?

0:11:53 > 0:11:57You can get them in the shop - on your way out.

0:11:57 > 0:11:59Please, Digby! Get on with the interview.

0:11:59 > 0:12:01Okey-dokey.

0:12:03 > 0:12:06Dave...

0:12:07 > 0:12:10..what colour underpants do you wear?

0:12:10 > 0:12:12What? Er... Oh, it varies. I...

0:12:12 > 0:12:16Colour of underpants...

0:12:16 > 0:12:18varies.

0:12:18 > 0:12:20Well, I think that's about it.

0:12:20 > 0:12:23- That's the interview? - I've got all the important facts.

0:12:23 > 0:12:26You know me - get straight to the heart of the story.

0:12:26 > 0:12:28Underpants, fruit basket, posh mirror.

0:12:30 > 0:12:34Thank you. It's been a real pleasure interviewing such a big star.

0:12:34 > 0:12:37- That's OK.- That's OK.

0:12:37 > 0:12:41- Home time!- Oh, sorry, Digby. I'm going out with Lorraine tonight.

0:12:41 > 0:12:44But we were going to finish our jigsaw.

0:12:44 > 0:12:47- You're going out with Lorraine? She never told me.- Yeah.

0:12:47 > 0:12:50Dinner somewhere fancy, and the taxi'll be here soon.

0:12:50 > 0:12:52Got to go.

0:12:54 > 0:12:56Hmm!

0:12:56 > 0:12:59So, Dave, are you, er... you any good at jigsaws?

0:12:59 > 0:13:01HE SIGHS

0:13:01 > 0:13:04SONG: "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M.

0:13:07 > 0:13:09It's late.

0:13:10 > 0:13:13- Did you have a good time?- Fantastic.

0:13:13 > 0:13:17You could've invited me. I thought we were a team.

0:13:17 > 0:13:21- I'm in the premiere league now. - Don't treat this place like a hotel!

0:13:21 > 0:13:24I'm not going to. That's why I'm moving out.

0:13:24 > 0:13:26What?

0:13:26 > 0:13:29Yeah. A star like me can't live in a dump like this.

0:13:29 > 0:13:32- Just came back for a few essentials. - Oh, yeah?

0:13:32 > 0:13:36What's that - driving licence, credit cards, passport?

0:13:36 > 0:13:39- No. Bones. - RATTLING

0:13:39 > 0:13:41CAR HORN BEEPING

0:13:41 > 0:13:43Oh! Car's waiting. See you, then!

0:13:43 > 0:13:46HE GRUNTS

0:13:49 > 0:13:54# Everybody hurts

0:13:54 > 0:13:58# Sometimes #

0:13:58 > 0:14:00# If you leave me now

0:14:00 > 0:14:04# You'll take away the biggest part of me...

0:14:04 > 0:14:06HE SOBS

0:14:07 > 0:14:10# Ooh, ooh, ooh, no

0:14:10 > 0:14:13- # Baby, please don't go... - HE BLOWS NOISILY

0:14:15 > 0:14:18- Oh, Hacker! - # If you leave me now

0:14:18 > 0:14:22# You'll take away the very heart of me #

0:14:22 > 0:14:24PHONE RINGING

0:14:25 > 0:14:29- Um, hello?- Digby! I've got a bone to pick with you.

0:14:29 > 0:14:33Bones! I can't talk about bones!

0:14:33 > 0:14:35Aha! But I can talk about Hacker.

0:14:35 > 0:14:38He made the front page of the Gilbury Gazette.

0:14:38 > 0:14:41Top Dog Spotlight Shines On New Star!

0:14:41 > 0:14:46- From you I've heard nothing! - I don't see much of Hacker any more.

0:14:46 > 0:14:49You share a house with him! I want stories, pictures, gossip!

0:14:49 > 0:14:53I don't want him burping without me knowing about it. Understand?

0:14:53 > 0:14:57- Absolutely, Max. I won't let him out of my sight.- Good!

0:14:58 > 0:15:01Now...how can I get Hacker back?

0:15:05 > 0:15:07Look, Scampi's dreaming.

0:15:07 > 0:15:10- He's had a tiring day.- We all have.

0:15:10 > 0:15:13- Come on, princess. Bedtime. - Awww!- Come on, you.

0:15:19 > 0:15:21And...cut!

0:15:21 > 0:15:23OK, that's good.

0:15:23 > 0:15:26APPLAUSE

0:15:26 > 0:15:29- Wonderful, darling.- It was nothing. - You can say that again!

0:15:29 > 0:15:32There's some fans outside wanting autographs, if you...

0:15:32 > 0:15:36- Well, mustn't disappoint. - Er, Hacker's autograph.

0:15:36 > 0:15:38My public!

0:15:38 > 0:15:41I need a coffee.

0:15:43 > 0:15:45- Oh, it's you again. - I've just dropped by

0:15:45 > 0:15:48to catch up on my favourite soap opera.

0:15:48 > 0:15:52And I've brought these for Hacker. They're his favourite.

0:15:52 > 0:15:55Oh! Oh, well, why don't you give it to me?

0:15:55 > 0:15:57I'll see that he...gets it.

0:16:02 > 0:16:05- What's that? - A present from your manager.

0:16:05 > 0:16:08- He's here again.- Good old Digby!

0:16:08 > 0:16:11- I'll bring it on in the next scene. - Cool!

0:16:11 > 0:16:14I think you'll find it's actually...very hot.

0:16:14 > 0:16:19Particularly with a little sprinkling of chilli.

0:16:23 > 0:16:26OK. Places, everyone.

0:16:28 > 0:16:30- Hacker!- Quiet, please.

0:16:30 > 0:16:33Shut it! So, it's the next morning,

0:16:33 > 0:16:36and Scampi's feeling ill.

0:16:36 > 0:16:38And action.

0:16:38 > 0:16:41Dad, Dad! Scampi's poorly!

0:16:41 > 0:16:43- What's up, princess? - He won't get up.

0:16:43 > 0:16:47- He's all weak and listless. - Let him try some food.

0:16:47 > 0:16:50OK. But I think you should call the vet.

0:16:50 > 0:16:52Go on, Scampi. Try a bit.

0:16:52 > 0:16:55Hello. It's our Scampi. He's off his food and he's just lying there,

0:16:55 > 0:16:57motionless.

0:16:57 > 0:17:00HE BARKS Whoo!

0:17:07 > 0:17:09HE HOWLS

0:17:22 > 0:17:25- How is he now?- Still the same.

0:17:25 > 0:17:28- Just lying there.- Stop!

0:17:28 > 0:17:31Stop everything! I simply cannot deal with this.

0:17:31 > 0:17:34He's supposed to be lying there, not racing about.

0:17:34 > 0:17:37It's him! You've tinkered with that food!

0:17:37 > 0:17:39But I didn't, Hacker, honest!

0:17:39 > 0:17:42You have to get rid of the dog.

0:17:42 > 0:17:45- But he's the best thing since you joined the show.- Yeah.

0:17:45 > 0:17:49- I'm a big star, aren't I? - It won't last. What can a dog do?

0:17:49 > 0:17:52Can he get married? Divorced? Remarried? No!

0:17:52 > 0:17:56All he can do is eat, sleep and look cute in a basket.

0:17:56 > 0:17:58Either he goes...

0:17:58 > 0:18:00or I go.

0:18:07 > 0:18:09HE LAUGHS

0:18:09 > 0:18:13- A rubber egg! - HE LAUGHS

0:18:17 > 0:18:20I'm sorry.

0:18:20 > 0:18:25Hacker! I'll ask security to bring your bones from the dressing room.

0:18:25 > 0:18:29If you could leave your studio pass on your way out...

0:18:29 > 0:18:31Oh, budgies!

0:18:35 > 0:18:38Cheer up, mate! I've kept your room looking the same.

0:18:38 > 0:18:42- I haven't touched a thing. - I don't have a room, Digby.

0:18:42 > 0:18:44I have a basket.

0:18:44 > 0:18:46- Oh, yeah.- Hang on.

0:18:46 > 0:18:48They can't just sack me. I've got a contract.

0:18:48 > 0:18:53If they sack me now, they got to pay me big money.

0:18:53 > 0:18:55Ooh! How big, exactly?

0:18:55 > 0:18:59Check out the contract! I gave it to you to look after.

0:19:04 > 0:19:06Ah...

0:19:06 > 0:19:08The contract. Um...

0:19:08 > 0:19:10HE GROANS

0:19:10 > 0:19:13- But they'll have a copy in the office!- Yeah.

0:19:13 > 0:19:16But they won't let us in there now, and they took away your pass.

0:19:16 > 0:19:20We need a devastatingly good plan.

0:19:25 > 0:19:27Head bang!

0:19:30 > 0:19:32Go, go, go!

0:19:32 > 0:19:34WHOOSHING

0:19:34 > 0:19:37Digby! The office is this way.

0:19:40 > 0:19:43I'll see if the coast is clear.

0:19:55 > 0:19:57CLANGING

0:19:57 > 0:19:59That's the toilet.

0:20:01 > 0:20:03This is the office.

0:20:03 > 0:20:05Now, where's that safe?

0:20:06 > 0:20:08Aha!

0:20:11 > 0:20:13Digby, that's a fridge!

0:20:15 > 0:20:20I knew that. But a fridge is like a safe.

0:20:20 > 0:20:23It's where people hide things.

0:20:24 > 0:20:26Oh, wow!

0:20:26 > 0:20:29- Have you found my contract? - Better than that!

0:20:29 > 0:20:33Savoury...and sweet. Now, where's a spoon?

0:20:33 > 0:20:36HE GROANS

0:20:42 > 0:20:45Oh! My contract!

0:20:45 > 0:20:47I've got it! Let's go!

0:20:47 > 0:20:49What, already?

0:20:50 > 0:20:53Oh, security camera!

0:20:58 > 0:21:01- What you doing? - We shouldn't be here,

0:21:01 > 0:21:03so I'm getting rid of the CCTV footage.

0:21:03 > 0:21:05- Do you know how?- I'm not sure.

0:21:05 > 0:21:09Need to find the right drive where they store the recordings.

0:21:09 > 0:21:11Oh, here it is.

0:21:11 > 0:21:14What's happening now? That's some data, that.

0:21:14 > 0:21:18Aha! Here we are. Delete all - Y or N?

0:21:18 > 0:21:21- Definitely N.- Why?

0:21:21 > 0:21:22No, N.

0:21:22 > 0:21:24- Why?- No, N!

0:21:24 > 0:21:29- Yes, but why?- Because we don't want to delete everything.

0:21:29 > 0:21:31Right you are, captain.

0:21:34 > 0:21:36No!

0:21:38 > 0:21:41- You pressed "yes"! - Hey, it was nothing.

0:21:41 > 0:21:45You've wiped everything, including this week's episode of NorthEnders!

0:21:45 > 0:21:48They're all on the system too!

0:21:48 > 0:21:50- Ah!- Well done.

0:21:50 > 0:21:52They can now sack me without giving me a penny.

0:21:52 > 0:21:55What we going to do? What will Max say?

0:21:55 > 0:21:58- He's NorthEnders' biggest fan! - Well, he wanted a story.

0:21:58 > 0:22:02Wiping a week of TV's biggest show sounds like a good one!

0:22:02 > 0:22:04- But it was me who did it! - Well, you're used to that.

0:22:04 > 0:22:07- I'll be a laughing-stock. - You're used to that too.

0:22:07 > 0:22:09All right. It's all right, Digby.

0:22:09 > 0:22:12Get a grip. It's only a stupid old soap.

0:22:12 > 0:22:16They'll have loads of episodes lined up. No-one will notice...

0:22:17 > 0:22:21- ..will they?- Hmm!

0:22:23 > 0:22:27Oh, ho-ho-ho! Now to find out how little Scampi's doing.

0:22:27 > 0:22:31"We regret that we're unable to bring you

0:22:31 > 0:22:35this week's edition of NorthEnders, due to a technical incident

0:22:35 > 0:22:38involving a local reporter from the Pilbury Post

0:22:38 > 0:22:41- and a sausage roll."- What?

0:22:42 > 0:22:46"Sausage Slip Up In Soap Sensation"?

0:22:46 > 0:22:49DIGBY DIGWORTH!

0:22:49 > 0:22:51RUMBLING

0:22:53 > 0:22:57Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:22:57 > 0:23:01E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk

0:23:08 > 0:23:11# S-C-O-O-P #

0:23:11 > 0:23:11.