0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Time is running out
0:00:07 > 0:00:08# Stories to be found
0:00:08 > 0:00:11# What's it all about?
0:00:11 > 0:00:14# Got to go and check around
0:00:14 > 0:00:17# If there's a rumour going round
0:00:17 > 0:00:19# Don't you forget it
0:00:19 > 0:00:22# Wherever something's going down
0:00:22 > 0:00:25# Got to get that scoop
0:00:25 > 0:00:27# Got to get that scoop
0:00:27 > 0:00:29# Got to get that scoop
0:00:29 > 0:00:34# Got to get that S-C-O-O-P. #
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Ah, Hacker. I've a good feeling about today.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42I can feel a scoop coming. I'm buzzing in anticipation.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43PHONE VIBRATES
0:00:43 > 0:00:47- Digby, your phone's on vibrate again. - Oh, is it?- Yeah.- Oh, yeah.
0:00:47 > 0:00:52- I don't need a phone to see it's time for my favourite meal.- So far.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55- Hacker!- What?- No.- Aww.
0:00:55 > 0:01:01Remember, we're all about healthy eating these days. Right, so...
0:01:03 > 0:01:07It's tasty muesli for us, hey? You like your muesli, don't you?
0:01:07 > 0:01:12- Remember, I don't like those yellow bits though.- I remember, yeah.
0:01:12 > 0:01:17- Picking out the banana, as we speak. - And little orangey bits.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21- Apricots?- Yeah.- They're coming out.- And those rabbit droppings.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26- Raisins.- Don't like them much. And that sort of grainy, chewy stuff.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30- Yeah, all right, that's the oats gone.- Yeah, great.
0:01:30 > 0:01:34- Hacker?- Aw, shame. Whack a sausage on the grill.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Hacker, we're trying to be healthy. Like Carl Plummer.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42- Who?- Carl Plummer is a football internet sensation. Look him up!
0:01:42 > 0:01:46- All right. Ooo, Carl Plummer. - There's the clip.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50Carl, I'm your biggest fan. Can I have your autograph?
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Football is my passion.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58My soul.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01My life.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06That's just one way to trick a defender.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09FANS SCREAM
0:02:13 > 0:02:15I could kick a ball before I could walk.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18It's time to show the world what I was born to do.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Over 40 million internet hits already.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26- That's more than that cat playing the piano.- Stupid moggy!
0:02:26 > 0:02:32Anyone can play Chopsticks badly. You want skill, you want a xylophone.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35JAUNTY MUSIC
0:02:39 > 0:02:44OK, OK. But that Plummer chap's a bit good though, isn't he?
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- Unbelievable skills. - Very unbelievable.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51You may mock, you sausage scoffer, but the world and his dog
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- think Plummer is the greatest. - Not this dog.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Hacker! It's on the internet,
0:02:57 > 0:03:03the only shining beacon of truth in this crazy, deceptive world of ours.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07Anyway, let's pull up the Pilbury Post sports pages.
0:03:10 > 0:03:16"Pilbury United are in talks with football sensation, Carl Plummer.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20"United is offering the player £100,000. The club's new chairman
0:03:20 > 0:03:24"is holding a press open day to mark the occasion."
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- Owwwww! - Yes, I'm excited too, Hacker.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32If young Plummer signs for United, we can win the cup.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Paws! Paws!
0:03:36 > 0:03:41- No, my paws are trapped in the laptop.- Sorry.- Come along, Hacker.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45Let's tell Max we're doing the story on this fast-footed man.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49I'll put my beloved Pilbury United back on the front page!
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Arrgghh!
0:03:55 > 0:04:00- Hello, Max.- Enough of this small talk. I need a sporting scoop.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04I'll do a scoop on Carl Plummer. Pilbury United's my team.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07I could get you a story like nobody else.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10I want a story on another of your favourite sports.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- Cricket?- No. - Rugby?- No.- Tennis?- No.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17- Watching TV?- Oi! - Synchronised swimming.
0:04:17 > 0:04:22- Synchronised swimming?! Dancing in water?!- That's the one.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- It's Nicole Gold and Tanya Fish. - Goldfish?!
0:04:28 > 0:04:32OK. I am a professional and I will do what I'm told to do.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Have you got something in your eye?
0:04:39 > 0:04:43Get synchronised and get over there. Digby...
0:04:43 > 0:04:49- Don't mess this up.- Yes, boss. - See you, Max.- Bye!
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Hands up who wants to cover the Carl Plummer story.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00The most exciting football story in Pilbury since...
0:05:00 > 0:05:03the time the stadium had a two for one pasty offer.
0:05:03 > 0:05:08And hands up those who want to cover the synchronised swimming scoop.
0:05:08 > 0:05:13That's settled it. We're going to the Pilbury United press conference.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Max won't know. Let's go.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17HACKER BREAKS WIND
0:05:17 > 0:05:21- Hacker!- It's all that muesli.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- You didn't have any. - It's usually muesli.
0:05:37 > 0:05:42I'm Hamish McGaffer for those who have just beamed down from Pluto.
0:05:42 > 0:05:49And as manager, may I say that I hope Carl Plummer
0:05:49 > 0:05:50will soon be joining us.
0:05:50 > 0:05:55The proposed signing-on fee proves Pilbury United's ambition
0:05:55 > 0:05:58under its new chairman.
0:05:58 > 0:06:03Thanks, Hamish. I mean... Mr McGaffer, sir.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08I'm sure I will be very happy here. It's a great opportunity.
0:06:08 > 0:06:13You'll get your money on the pitch, son, when I see what you're worth.
0:06:13 > 0:06:19Carl will be showcasing his football skills later on but right now,
0:06:19 > 0:06:23he'll take questions from you, the lovely press.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Uh-oh.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28DIGBY CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Digby D Digworth, Pilbury Post.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34What colour pants do you wear?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37You're from the Post, not the Beano!
0:06:37 > 0:06:42- I can't wait for your next question. What's his favourite crisp?!- Yeah.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46How can he see my questions from there?
0:06:46 > 0:06:52OK, OK, I think that's enough intellectual interrogation for now.
0:06:52 > 0:06:58Our new chairman has arranged an open day for you press people.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00An open day. Do you know what this means?
0:07:00 > 0:07:05We get to see the kitchen bins and eat scraps?
0:07:05 > 0:07:11Yeah. But apart from that, it means we get access to all areas.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14I can get the unique Digworth angle on this story.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18I booked you in with the club physiotherapist.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22A massage will prepare you for the pitch, in front of this rabble.
0:07:22 > 0:07:28- That's great, Mr McGaffer. Just great.- Come on.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32Now, Hacker, we must keep an eye on Carl Plummer at all times.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Where'd he go?
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Well, he can't have gone far. Come on, Hacker.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Oh, look, they're giving away footballs.
0:07:46 > 0:07:4933, 34, 35...
0:07:49 > 0:07:50WOMAN SCREAMS
0:07:50 > 0:07:55..37, 38, 39...
0:07:55 > 0:08:0030/10, 30/11, 30/12, 30/14, 30/15, 30/16, 30/17, 30/18...
0:08:00 > 0:08:04The football sensation's vanished. What do we do now?
0:08:04 > 0:08:08- Go for goal! - Hacker, we're here to work.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14Be easier to control if it was square, don't you think, Hacker?
0:08:14 > 0:08:19Too right. I can't believe how well this scam is coming together.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23All I've got to do is get through this afternoon, grab the money...
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- It's Carl Plummer.- Shhh!
0:08:26 > 0:08:29..and then come see you at the airport.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32It's amazing what you can achieve
0:08:32 > 0:08:38with a fake football movie and the internet. OK, later.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45Come on, Carl. You can do this.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47He's an online fraud.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51- Surprise, surprise, Digby. - This is very, very bad, Hacker.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55But strangely, very, very good.
0:08:55 > 0:09:00We have got ourselves a red hot scoop, my furry-footed friend.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04When we expose Carl as a footballing fake, we'll be scoops too.
0:09:04 > 0:09:09Heroes. We'd have stopped Carl from running off with United's money.
0:09:09 > 0:09:14- We'll get free tickets to the Pilbury games.- What about free pies?
0:09:14 > 0:09:19- With chips!- I'm in. Let's tell McGaffer.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Argh!
0:09:26 > 0:09:30You ought to ask more tough questions, gentlemen.
0:09:30 > 0:09:35We've got inside information you'll be very interested in.
0:09:35 > 0:09:40Do you think I'd believe the gossip from two jokers who work
0:09:40 > 0:09:45in a rag of a newspaper I wouldn't put in my cat's litter tray?
0:09:45 > 0:09:47You've got a cat? Grrrr!
0:09:47 > 0:09:49HE SQUEALS LIKE A CAT
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- Come here, Hacker.- Hold me.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Mr Digworth.
0:09:54 > 0:09:59The day I believe what comes out of a journalist's mouth, particularly
0:09:59 > 0:10:04one from the Post, is the day you will score a goal for Pilbury.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08Oh look, Mr Digworth! A flying pig.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14If you'll excuse me, gentlemen.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18Pilbury United's fate depends on us. We must prove to Hamish
0:10:18 > 0:10:22- that you can trust a man from the Post.- And dog.
0:10:27 > 0:10:32We're going to go in there and get a confession. Stay close, Hacker.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- Put him under pressure.- As always.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- Morning.- No.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41DIGBY COUGHS
0:10:41 > 0:10:43- DEEPER VOICE: - Morning.- Lower.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45HE COUGHS
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- VERY DEEP VOICE: - Morning.- Bull's-eye.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52- Face down on the massage table, please.- No problems.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59No, no, no. You can keep your shorts on.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03- Is this OK?- Just where we want you.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10We'll have you warmed up in no time and out onto that pitch
0:11:10 > 0:11:14- so you can show everyone your silky skills.- Yeah.
0:11:14 > 0:11:20- You do have silky skills?- Course! You've seen the video.
0:11:20 > 0:11:25I certainly have seen the video that I thought would bring success
0:11:25 > 0:11:29to the club that I love and have supported since I was a kid!
0:11:29 > 0:11:32It's an honour to play for Pilbury United.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36You don't know how lucky you are. I'd do it for free.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- It's a bit hard there, mate. - Not hard enough!
0:11:39 > 0:11:41CRUNCHING
0:11:41 > 0:11:43PHONE RINGS
0:11:43 > 0:11:47- It's Max. You carry on.- OK.
0:11:47 > 0:11:52Ah, Digby, what's the story with our synchronised swimmers?
0:11:52 > 0:11:55BOING, BOING, CRUNCH!
0:11:55 > 0:12:00Yeah, um. Sorry, Max. Bad reception by the pool.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04- DIGBY MIMICS STATIC - Digworth!
0:12:04 > 0:12:08- You're breaking up, Max.- Digworth!
0:12:08 > 0:12:11You're up to something!
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Owww!
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Well done, Hacker.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Max doesn't suspect anything.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21So, Carl, planning any foreign holidays with all that money?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Flying off to the sun, perhaps?
0:12:24 > 0:12:29No. Ouch! I'm devoting all my time to playing.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- Ouch!- Right, Hacker.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36Now is the time to confront him with the truth and watch him squeal.
0:12:36 > 0:12:42Hacker? Oh, no, Hacker, not now. Don't go to your happy place.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Hacker! Hacker!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52- # He's the number one dog - Do you mean me?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54- # Making all the right moves - I'm a VIP
0:12:54 > 0:12:56- # When the going gets rough - I have a cup of tea
0:12:56 > 0:12:59- # H-A-C-K-E-R.- Hacker
0:12:59 > 0:13:00- # When he hits the floor - You're gonna beg for more
0:13:00 > 0:13:03- # Looks so divine - I'm the key to the night
0:13:03 > 0:13:05- # Can stretch with ease - I got showbiz fleas
0:13:05 > 0:13:06# And when I see a tree, I go pee!
0:13:06 > 0:13:10- # Top dog!- Top dog!- Top dog! - That's me
0:13:10 > 0:13:13# He's the coolest of the canines. #
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Ow-w-w-w!
0:13:15 > 0:13:17- # Top dog! - Ah ha
0:13:17 > 0:13:19- # Top dog! - Say it, girls
0:13:19 > 0:13:23- # He's the coolest of the canines - Stop! Digby time!
0:13:23 > 0:13:25# He's Hacker, not a slacker # I'm his number one backer
0:13:25 > 0:13:27# He's the salt to my pepper He's the cheese on my cracker
0:13:27 > 0:13:30# When I'm running, he takes the flak Though he often has it back
0:13:30 > 0:13:31# It's important More yapper
0:13:31 > 0:13:33# Come on, shake your maracas! #
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Arrgghh!
0:13:39 > 0:13:42# Go, Hacker! Go, Hacker! Go, Hacker!
0:13:42 > 0:13:45# Go, Hacker! Go, Hacker! Go, Hacker!
0:13:45 > 0:13:49# Go, Hacker! Go, Hacker! Go, Hacker!
0:13:49 > 0:13:52# Go, Hacker! Go, Hacker! Go, Hacker!
0:13:52 > 0:13:56# Go, Hacker! Go, Hacker! Go, Hacker! #
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Hacker, snap out of it quick smart!
0:14:02 > 0:14:06I came to tell you, Carl, that your physiotherapist
0:14:06 > 0:14:10is delayed but see you've already had treatment.
0:14:10 > 0:14:15- This open day is getting a bit out of hand, don't you think?- What?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Are you those reporters?
0:14:18 > 0:14:23Digby D Digworth, Pilbury Post and my assistant, Hacker T Dog.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28- And we will...- Let us carry on with our business. That's what you'll do.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32- You don't understand, Hamish. He's...- Digby, Digby, Digby!
0:14:32 > 0:14:37I understand all to well about scheming little journalists
0:14:37 > 0:14:42that try to eek out a living by printing lies and smears.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47Carl, I think it's time you showed us your talent on the pitch.
0:14:47 > 0:14:53- Oh, great. - Nothing wrong is there, laddie?
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Um, no, fine.
0:14:56 > 0:15:01Let's get you outside and see if you can earn that signing-on fee.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Growwwwl!
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Hacker, this is the biggest story of our lives.
0:15:11 > 0:15:16- Bigger than the world's biggest bone? - Much bigger!
0:15:16 > 0:15:20- Hmmm, bones.- Focus!
0:15:28 > 0:15:32And what if this is the worst plan in the history of plans?
0:15:32 > 0:15:35I've got a good feeling about this one.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40It's a simple plan but it's genius. Have you got the bag? Good boy.
0:15:40 > 0:15:45Take the money from Hamish's briefcase and put it in the bag.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49I distract Hamish and Carl with my footwork. The money's safe
0:15:49 > 0:15:53- and we expose Carl the conman. - That's brilliant. Tell me that again.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57Put Hamish in the briefcase. The money distracts Carl.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01The bag's safe and I'm a conman. What could go wrong?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06CAMERA WHIRRS
0:16:06 > 0:16:10PHOTOGRAPHERS: Carl, this way! Over here, Carl!
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Let's have you this way. That's great.
0:16:22 > 0:16:27Well, look who it is! Let me guess. This is all part of the open day.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30An insider's view of the club, Hamish.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33I love this football club.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37Right, start with a game of attackers versus defenders.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Carl, you're on attack with Digworth here.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Hacker, Hacker!
0:16:45 > 0:16:47WHISTLE BLOWS
0:16:47 > 0:16:51Get stuck in, Carl. I want to see you earn that signing-on fee.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55Just remember, the money's still in the case. On you go!
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Sorry, Hacker!
0:17:17 > 0:17:22- I'll put that display down to nerves, Carl.- That was skill!
0:17:22 > 0:17:27How is it skilful to tackle the ball from someone on your own side?
0:17:27 > 0:17:32- Oh, yeah.- No worries.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40- Why isn't the money in the bag? - Not enough distraction.
0:17:40 > 0:17:47- You've got to keep the ball on the other side of the pitch.- OK.
0:17:47 > 0:17:52Do you know what, Hacker? I've dreamt about this day my whole life.
0:17:53 > 0:17:59Being on Pilbury United's pitch. Soft, green grass under my feet.
0:17:59 > 0:18:05The stands full of roaring, cheering crowds.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Focus! Digby, focus!
0:18:07 > 0:18:10- This is about getting a story! - You're right.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14- And a front page story at that! - Yep.- Good boy.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19Come on, Carl. Show us all how it should be done.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Come on, Carl. You can do this. Come on.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32So, Carl. Made any good movies lately?
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Any I might have seen online?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Oh! Ow!
0:18:36 > 0:18:40- Owww!- Digworth!
0:18:40 > 0:18:42I didn't touch him.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46- Ow!- Bring on the first aid.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Oh, budgies.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Oh, me leg. He took a real whack at me, Mr McGaffer, sir.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- Is the case empty yet? - No, I need more distraction.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06Take five minutes out.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12You sort the money and I'll expose our footballing fraud
0:19:12 > 0:19:15but we must keep a close eye on him.
0:19:15 > 0:19:21Less chat and more play, Digworth!
0:19:21 > 0:19:24WHISTLE BLOWS
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Hey! What you doing?
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Digby! Digby!
0:19:53 > 0:19:57CROWD CHEERS
0:19:57 > 0:20:02Ha-ha! Yes! Woo-hoo! I've done it.
0:20:02 > 0:20:09I've scored for Pilbury United! Look up, Mr McGaffer, sir. Oink, Oink!
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Is that Sue Barker?!
0:20:11 > 0:20:16Sue Barker, it's been such a long ti... No, you're not having that!
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Get off! No, get off me! Digby!
0:20:18 > 0:20:21CROWD CHEERS
0:20:21 > 0:20:23No! Get off me!
0:20:30 > 0:20:35- ELVIS ACCENT: - Uh huh, thank you very much. Yes!
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Digby! He's taken the money! Digby!
0:20:40 > 0:20:45Yes! No, No!
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Digby! Digby!
0:20:48 > 0:20:55I'm coming, Hacker! Well done, you did it!
0:20:56 > 0:21:00You two, stop him getting away with all that money!
0:21:00 > 0:21:05Hamish, you'll like this. Our very clever plan.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08We found out that Carl Plummer was a big internet con
0:21:08 > 0:21:12with his fake football video and he has just -
0:21:12 > 0:21:18and this is genius - he has just run off with an empty briefcase.
0:21:18 > 0:21:23- Uh, Digby...- Hacker put the money from this case into this bag
0:21:23 > 0:21:26while I distracted Carl with my football skills.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29I didn't empty the case.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33I'd never let someone take £100,000 from Pilbury United, no sir...
0:21:39 > 0:21:46Excuse me. We had a plan. I distract Carl. You put the money in the bag.
0:21:46 > 0:21:51You were supposed to distract Carl on the pitch. Not get him sent off!
0:21:51 > 0:21:53I didn't touch him.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- Well, hand over the bag, then. - What bag?
0:22:02 > 0:22:07Let me get this straight. This bag is empty, which means...
0:22:07 > 0:22:13Carl Plummer has got away with a briefcase that contains £100,000.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Ah. "Playing a blinder.
0:22:21 > 0:22:25"Carl Plumber's a fake but he's £100,000 richer
0:22:25 > 0:22:29"thanks to reporter's disastrous intervention."
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Digby Digworrtthh!
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Digby, this way! Digby!
0:22:55 > 0:22:57# S-C-O-O-P. #