Race to the Bottom

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0:00:02 > 0:00:05Oh, Matt, it's so great to finally go on a proper date!

0:00:05 > 0:00:09- Are you enjoying it, too?- Of course I'm not enjoying it.

0:00:09 > 0:00:13Why have you brought me to lunch with the school governors?

0:00:13 > 0:00:14And now for your entertainment,

0:00:14 > 0:00:18Lily Hampton will read out her maths homework.

0:00:18 > 0:00:20APPLAUSE

0:00:22 > 0:00:24Seven ketchup....

0:00:24 > 0:00:28divided by five banana...

0:00:28 > 0:00:29equals...

0:00:29 > 0:00:31peas?

0:00:31 > 0:00:33I can't read this!

0:00:33 > 0:00:35There's food on my maths!

0:00:35 > 0:00:38- TEACHERS:- Boo!

0:00:38 > 0:00:41Boo!

0:00:41 > 0:00:44Lily, what have you done? This is the worst date ever!

0:00:44 > 0:00:46SHE SCREAMS

0:00:46 > 0:00:47Ohhh!

0:00:47 > 0:00:50That's weird. I think I just had Lily's nightmare.

0:00:55 > 0:00:57# Oooh, hoo, hoo

0:00:57 > 0:01:00# Oo-hoo oo-hoo

0:01:00 > 0:01:01# Ooooh

0:01:01 > 0:01:03# So, so, so, so...

0:01:03 > 0:01:05# So, so, so, so...

0:01:05 > 0:01:06# Ooh, hoo, oh

0:01:06 > 0:01:07# Ooh-hoo oh

0:01:07 > 0:01:09# Ooh, hoo, oh

0:01:09 > 0:01:11# Ooh, oh

0:01:11 > 0:01:12# Ooh-hoo oh

0:01:12 > 0:01:13# Oh, ho

0:01:13 > 0:01:15# So, so, so, so

0:01:15 > 0:01:18# So, so, so, so

0:01:20 > 0:01:22# So awkward! #

0:01:27 > 0:01:29- What?- Oh, nothing.

0:01:29 > 0:01:32Hey, did I tell you I'm going out with Matt on Friday?

0:01:32 > 0:01:34- On a date?- Not exactly.

0:01:34 > 0:01:38It's rewards day. I was going to go for the cinema trip or the bowling,

0:01:38 > 0:01:40but Matt's going ice-skating, so...

0:01:40 > 0:01:42So you're going to stumble clumsily into him?

0:01:42 > 0:01:45No! I'm going to clumsily stumble into his arms so he can teach me

0:01:45 > 0:01:46how to skate.

0:01:48 > 0:01:51OK, can I just ask?

0:01:51 > 0:01:52What is that?

0:01:52 > 0:01:54Oh! New hat. Great, isn't it?

0:01:54 > 0:01:57It looks like an octopus is eating your head.

0:01:57 > 0:01:59That's the exact look I was going for!

0:02:01 > 0:02:03Quite a lot of people are pointing.

0:02:06 > 0:02:08That's because they've never seen such a cool hat,

0:02:08 > 0:02:10and they want one of their own.

0:02:10 > 0:02:13Hello, meaningless pleasantries, etc, I can't stop!

0:02:14 > 0:02:17- What's up with him?- He'll be off to look at the notice board,

0:02:17 > 0:02:18to check who's top of the year.

0:02:18 > 0:02:20Oh! I almost forgot about that!

0:02:27 > 0:02:29Martha's still top girl!

0:02:29 > 0:02:31Yes!

0:02:31 > 0:02:33Personal space! Personal space!

0:02:33 > 0:02:35Woo! I'm not top, I'm not top!

0:02:35 > 0:02:39Gee. I've never seen someone so happy not to be top of year.

0:02:39 > 0:02:42- Yes!- You're going skating on rewards day, aren't you, Matt?

0:02:42 > 0:02:46Sounds fun. But if you were top of the year,

0:02:46 > 0:02:50you'd be in for a very different kind of reward.

0:02:50 > 0:02:53Lunch with...

0:02:53 > 0:02:54the governors.

0:02:54 > 0:02:56The governors?

0:02:56 > 0:02:58Are they a band...?

0:02:58 > 0:03:03Lunch with them is literally the worst, most boringest thing ever.

0:03:04 > 0:03:06And now you can see why Lily's doing a happy dance.

0:03:06 > 0:03:07Lils?

0:03:12 > 0:03:14- Hey, Matt!- Hey, Lils.

0:03:14 > 0:03:15Nice happy dance!

0:03:18 > 0:03:21Were you talking to Matt? What did he say?

0:03:22 > 0:03:25- Um...- Hold on, let me rephrase that.

0:03:25 > 0:03:27What did he say about me?

0:03:27 > 0:03:29I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

0:03:29 > 0:03:32How can you not pay attention to your own conversations?

0:03:32 > 0:03:35I need to know what he's saying about me!

0:03:35 > 0:03:37Sorry, didn't realise.

0:03:38 > 0:03:42I know! In future, I'll write down everything he says about you.

0:03:42 > 0:03:44What? No, don't do that.

0:03:44 > 0:03:45I just meant...

0:03:47 > 0:03:50Eh, people are pointing at your hat again.

0:03:50 > 0:03:51Oh, good!

0:03:55 > 0:03:56Congratulations!

0:03:56 > 0:03:59You're still on track for top girl of the year.

0:03:59 > 0:04:01- You must be pleased.- Pleased?

0:04:01 > 0:04:04If I was pleased, that would imply I was satisfied.

0:04:04 > 0:04:06If I was satisfied, I'd relax.

0:04:06 > 0:04:09If I relaxed, I'd spiral into a vortex of failure.

0:04:09 > 0:04:12Never be pleased. You can always be better.

0:04:12 > 0:04:14OK.

0:04:14 > 0:04:16Well, don't worry.

0:04:16 > 0:04:19I'm sure that governors' lunch won't be THAT bad.

0:04:19 > 0:04:21Oh, I'm not going to that.

0:04:22 > 0:04:25I'm going to the Girls In Science Conference.

0:04:26 > 0:04:28Oh, they're on the same day?

0:04:28 > 0:04:30- Oh, you're so lucky.- Lucky?

0:04:30 > 0:04:33The governors' lunch is the highlight of my social calendar.

0:04:34 > 0:04:37Where else can one have a rigorous debate about academic policy

0:04:37 > 0:04:38and development targets?

0:04:42 > 0:04:43Still, can't be helped.

0:04:43 > 0:04:46Mother sets great store by the science conference,

0:04:46 > 0:04:47and I'm always the representative.

0:04:47 > 0:04:52Well, I wonder what poor person they'll force to go instead?

0:04:52 > 0:04:55I can't wait to see their face when they find out who it is.

0:04:59 > 0:05:02Please, please, please, please, please!

0:05:02 > 0:05:05Don't make me go to the governors' lunch, please!

0:05:05 > 0:05:07No, no, no, you've got it all wrong.

0:05:07 > 0:05:09It's more like,

0:05:09 > 0:05:11"Why?! Why me?

0:05:11 > 0:05:14"Please, don't make me go!

0:05:14 > 0:05:17"Don't. Make. Me. GO!"

0:05:17 > 0:05:20You see? And even that doesn't work.

0:05:20 > 0:05:22Believe me, I've tried.

0:05:22 > 0:05:25That lunch is impossible to get out of.

0:05:29 > 0:05:30Hey, Matt.

0:05:30 > 0:05:33My mum's giving me and Eve a lift to athletics after ice-skating.

0:05:33 > 0:05:36- You want one, too? - That'd be nice, thanks.

0:05:36 > 0:05:37Is there room for Lily?

0:05:37 > 0:05:40But Lily doesn't do athletics, does she?

0:05:40 > 0:05:41Hi, Matt, hi, Natasha!

0:05:41 > 0:05:43Saying anything about Lily?

0:05:43 > 0:05:45- Sort of.- Oh, great.

0:05:47 > 0:05:49Carry on!

0:05:49 > 0:05:52Right. So, what's going to happen with Lily?

0:05:52 > 0:05:55It's fine, you're right. We'll just split up after skating.

0:05:56 > 0:05:59Wait, did you just say that you were going to split up with Lily

0:05:59 > 0:06:01after skating?

0:06:01 > 0:06:02Yeah, I'm going with Natasha.

0:06:04 > 0:06:06Oh, no! Oh, no, no, no, no.

0:06:07 > 0:06:09Guessing she needs to sort out a lift, as well.

0:06:14 > 0:06:15Hello, Mrs Rennison.

0:06:15 > 0:06:18I'm here about the Girls In Science Conference.

0:06:18 > 0:06:21You're not going to the Girls In Science Conference.

0:06:21 > 0:06:23But I need to know my travel arrangements.

0:06:23 > 0:06:25You're not going there!

0:06:25 > 0:06:27But I'm always the representative.

0:06:27 > 0:06:28Not this year.

0:06:28 > 0:06:30Hello, Mrs Rennison.

0:06:30 > 0:06:34Have you arranged my travel to the Girls In Science Conference?

0:06:35 > 0:06:36There you are.

0:06:38 > 0:06:39Oh, very thorough.

0:06:43 > 0:06:46So...where are my travel arrangements?

0:06:47 > 0:06:51Please understand, you're not going.

0:06:51 > 0:06:55They wanted a younger representative this year.

0:06:55 > 0:06:56Cassie, Ollie's cousin.

0:06:56 > 0:06:59No, I don't think you understand.

0:06:59 > 0:07:03I need my travel sorting out

0:07:03 > 0:07:07so I can go to the conference.

0:07:07 > 0:07:12You're not going to the conference!

0:07:17 > 0:07:20- I need to see the arrangements!- No!

0:07:20 > 0:07:22No!

0:07:27 > 0:07:28So...

0:07:30 > 0:07:34..reading between the lines, what you're trying to say is...

0:07:34 > 0:07:36Martha's not going to the conference?

0:07:37 > 0:07:38No...!

0:07:38 > 0:07:40Personal space!

0:07:40 > 0:07:42Why won't you understand?

0:07:42 > 0:07:45And this is...

0:07:45 > 0:07:47What happens when you give free rein to your emotions.

0:07:47 > 0:07:50- Aw. Disturbing.- Mmm.

0:07:50 > 0:07:52Martha's not going to the conference!

0:07:52 > 0:07:53Oh, Jas!

0:07:59 > 0:08:03- Have you heard the news?- Yeah, but I didn't think you'd take it so well.

0:08:03 > 0:08:05I thought you were really into Matt.

0:08:05 > 0:08:07What's Matt got to do with it?

0:08:07 > 0:08:09Quite a lot if he's breaking up with you.

0:08:09 > 0:08:10Matt's breaking up with me?

0:08:10 > 0:08:13Yeah. You know when you asked me to follow him around and write down

0:08:13 > 0:08:15everything that he says about you?

0:08:15 > 0:08:16No.

0:08:16 > 0:08:18Well, he's going to split up with you after skating,

0:08:18 > 0:08:20and go off with Natasha.

0:08:20 > 0:08:22I've written it here, see?

0:08:22 > 0:08:25- "Matt dumping Lily." - But how can he dump me?

0:08:25 > 0:08:28I wasn't even 100% sure we were going out!

0:08:28 > 0:08:30You should dump him first.

0:08:30 > 0:08:32Then you'll be the dumper, and not the dumpee.

0:08:32 > 0:08:34That's easily the best way round.

0:08:34 > 0:08:37That's not such a bad idea!

0:08:37 > 0:08:38Why should I get dumped?

0:08:40 > 0:08:42I'm going to do it now.

0:08:42 > 0:08:44I'm going to dump him first!

0:08:44 > 0:08:45See how he likes it.

0:08:49 > 0:08:50Hey, Matt.

0:08:50 > 0:08:52I just thought, we'll be passing near Lily's on the way to athletics,

0:08:52 > 0:08:54so we can give her a lift, if she wants.

0:08:54 > 0:08:56Oh, sick, I'll ask her.

0:08:56 > 0:08:58- Matt!- Hey, Lils, do you want to...?

0:08:58 > 0:09:01Stop. I know what you're going to say.

0:09:01 > 0:09:02- You do?- Yeah.

0:09:02 > 0:09:04But I need to say something first.

0:09:07 > 0:09:09Matt, it's over.

0:09:10 > 0:09:12Believe me, if there was another way, I'd take it.

0:09:12 > 0:09:15But there isn't. Our love was doomed from the start,

0:09:15 > 0:09:20a beautiful flash of perfect joy that burned too bright, too short,

0:09:20 > 0:09:22too pure for this world.

0:09:22 > 0:09:24We must part before it consumes us both.

0:09:24 > 0:09:26Do not weep for me, my love.

0:09:26 > 0:09:29I am a strong, independent woman.

0:09:29 > 0:09:31And you know this is what I must do.

0:09:33 > 0:09:35Sorry, did you want to say something?

0:09:35 > 0:09:36Uh...

0:09:36 > 0:09:39Can't be together. Have to go split up!

0:09:39 > 0:09:42Be with Natasha! I'm independent woman!

0:09:43 > 0:09:45What was that about?

0:09:46 > 0:09:48Don't know. She doesn't want a lift?

0:09:55 > 0:09:58Arrrgh! My ankle!

0:09:58 > 0:10:00You OK, Mrs Griggs?

0:10:00 > 0:10:01Yes, yes.

0:10:01 > 0:10:03I'm sure I'll be... Oh!

0:10:03 > 0:10:05Oh, no!

0:10:05 > 0:10:06Total leg failure.

0:10:08 > 0:10:13How unfortunate. Can you call the governors and tell them I can't make

0:10:13 > 0:10:16- the lunch? - But you don't need a leg at lunch.

0:10:16 > 0:10:18You'll be sitting down.

0:10:18 > 0:10:20I...

0:10:20 > 0:10:21You see...

0:10:23 > 0:10:25No, no. You're right.

0:10:25 > 0:10:26Who needs legs?

0:10:26 > 0:10:28I can go! Hurray!

0:10:31 > 0:10:34Oh! Argh! I...

0:10:34 > 0:10:37I think I've got total mouth failure, as well.

0:10:40 > 0:10:41No, I'm OK.

0:10:41 > 0:10:43OK.

0:10:50 > 0:10:53Mother, I have some news.

0:10:53 > 0:10:55It's about the Girls In Science Conference.

0:10:55 > 0:10:57Yes, it's that time of year again.

0:10:57 > 0:10:58- How exciting!- Yes.

0:10:58 > 0:11:03Well, you know the school can only send one representative?

0:11:03 > 0:11:04Yes, and it's always you.

0:11:04 > 0:11:06You know I'm very proud of that, Martha.

0:11:07 > 0:11:09- Right.- Would you like to see your certificate?

0:11:09 > 0:11:11What?

0:11:11 > 0:11:13I have had a certificate made.

0:11:13 > 0:11:16Look, Best Science Conference Representative.

0:11:16 > 0:11:18- Yes, I can see.- And...

0:11:18 > 0:11:20there's a trophy.

0:11:24 > 0:11:27Oh, no, this is for me. For raising such an outstanding

0:11:27 > 0:11:29science conference representative.

0:11:30 > 0:11:33Did I mention that I'm really very, very proud?

0:11:33 > 0:11:35Martha, are you all right?

0:11:35 > 0:11:37- Yes!- Great. Well, hold up the certificate.

0:11:42 > 0:11:45And that is now posted on my wall.

0:11:45 > 0:11:47So everyone knows you're representing

0:11:47 > 0:11:48the school at the conference!

0:11:48 > 0:11:51So, what did you want to talk to me about?

0:11:51 > 0:11:53About the conference?

0:11:53 > 0:11:56Oh, just that I'm really looking forward to it.

0:11:56 > 0:11:58Oh, me, too, darling.

0:11:58 > 0:12:00Me too!

0:12:03 > 0:12:04I just lied to mother.

0:12:04 > 0:12:09- What have I done?- Taken your first step on the road to a life of crime.

0:12:10 > 0:12:12Why are you wearing a hoop?

0:12:13 > 0:12:16It delineates my personal space so people know to stay out of it.

0:12:18 > 0:12:20There are huggers at this school.

0:12:20 > 0:12:22They could strike at any time.

0:12:22 > 0:12:24- Good morning! - HE GASPS

0:12:24 > 0:12:25Oh.

0:12:26 > 0:12:29OK, it's Cassie. At least I can trust my own family not to hug me.

0:12:31 > 0:12:34Well, it's good to know she can be trusted with something!

0:12:35 > 0:12:38How are the conference preparations going, Cassie?

0:12:38 > 0:12:41Very efficiently, thank you, Martha.

0:12:41 > 0:12:44Did you know that I'm the first 11-year-old representative the

0:12:44 > 0:12:48- school's ever chosen?- How annoyingly wonderful for you.

0:12:48 > 0:12:51And they've given me this fascinating pack, with a programme,

0:12:51 > 0:12:55a lecture schedule, a lanyard.

0:13:03 > 0:13:05Anyway, must be going.

0:13:05 > 0:13:08I have to login to a preconference orientation webinar.

0:13:13 > 0:13:14I love the webinars.

0:13:18 > 0:13:20Ah! The hoop! Respect the hoop!

0:13:21 > 0:13:24Sorry. Well, I must focus on the positives.

0:13:24 > 0:13:27At least I can still go to the governors' lunch!

0:13:27 > 0:13:32Yeah, except isn't your mother the chair of governors?

0:13:32 > 0:13:34So, if you show up to the meal,

0:13:34 > 0:13:37won't she find out you lied about the conference?

0:13:39 > 0:13:40I have to get out of that meal!

0:13:46 > 0:13:48I was really looking forward to going skating.

0:13:48 > 0:13:50No point even going now.

0:13:50 > 0:13:51You're kidding!

0:13:51 > 0:13:54It's more important you enjoy it than ever!

0:13:54 > 0:13:57You have to show Matt that you can have a good time without him.

0:13:57 > 0:13:59- You can't let him win. - You know what?

0:14:00 > 0:14:03You're right. I need to go and pretend to have

0:14:03 > 0:14:04the best time of my life.

0:14:04 > 0:14:06Show him what he's lost.

0:14:06 > 0:14:09Carefree, happy Lily.

0:14:09 > 0:14:11Yeah! And at least you won't be going to

0:14:11 > 0:14:13some dusty old governors' lunch.

0:14:13 > 0:14:15OK, test results.

0:14:15 > 0:14:17Try not to freak out.

0:14:17 > 0:14:19Lily. A+.

0:14:19 > 0:14:21Ollie, A+.

0:14:21 > 0:14:23Martha...

0:14:23 > 0:14:24A-.

0:14:26 > 0:14:28Oh, dear.

0:14:29 > 0:14:31OK, this is new.

0:14:31 > 0:14:34You didn't! You wouldn't!

0:14:35 > 0:14:38You dropped marks on purpose!

0:14:38 > 0:14:40You're trying to get out of the governors' lunch!

0:14:40 > 0:14:42Why would I do that?

0:14:42 > 0:14:45So your mother won't find out you lied about the conference...

0:14:45 > 0:14:47we discussed... Ahhh!

0:14:47 > 0:14:48I demand a re-mark.

0:14:50 > 0:14:52Yeah, 15 punctuation errors.

0:14:52 > 0:14:54A-.

0:14:55 > 0:14:58Congratulations, Lily. You're currently top of year!

0:14:58 > 0:15:00NOOO!

0:15:11 > 0:15:13Hey, Lily. You OK?

0:15:13 > 0:15:15No. I just saw Matt.

0:15:15 > 0:15:17He smiled and waved.

0:15:17 > 0:15:20How can he be so relaxed about our break-up when I'm...

0:15:23 > 0:15:26..when I'm falling apart inside?!

0:15:26 > 0:15:28Do I mean nothing to him?

0:15:28 > 0:15:31Why'd you keep on pulling me into empty rooms?

0:15:31 > 0:15:33Well, er...

0:15:33 > 0:15:36- Because...- It's the hat, isn't it?

0:15:36 > 0:15:38No! No, no, no, no.

0:15:39 > 0:15:42Yeah, it's the hat.

0:15:42 > 0:15:43Sorry, Jas, it's just...

0:15:43 > 0:15:47I know. It's so amazing it makes you feel inadequate, right?

0:15:47 > 0:15:50- Erm, yeah.... - It's OK, I understand.

0:15:54 > 0:15:56- Better?- Much.

0:15:57 > 0:15:59But what am I going to do about Matt?

0:15:59 > 0:16:01Maybe I should apologise.

0:16:01 > 0:16:02Or beg him to take me back!

0:16:02 > 0:16:05I mean, the more pathetic and desperate I am, the more he'll like

0:16:05 > 0:16:06- me, right?- Lily!

0:16:06 > 0:16:09What you've got to do is make him jealous.

0:16:09 > 0:16:13Show him that you've got an amazing, glamorous life without him.

0:16:13 > 0:16:15First step, get out of the governors' lunch.

0:16:15 > 0:16:16- But how?- Four words.

0:16:16 > 0:16:19Lower marks than Martha.

0:16:19 > 0:16:21Oh, that's genius!

0:16:21 > 0:16:22I know. See?

0:16:22 > 0:16:24You've forgotten about Matt already.

0:16:38 > 0:16:40Can I help you, Mrs Griggs?

0:16:40 > 0:16:43Em... Yes. It's my mother.

0:16:43 > 0:16:47She's not well. I have to take a few hours off on Friday to go and look

0:16:47 > 0:16:52after her. It's around the time of the governors' lunch.

0:16:52 > 0:16:55This'll be the mother that lives in New Zealand?

0:16:55 > 0:16:57Um...

0:16:57 > 0:17:00So you're going to fly all the way there, nurse her back to health,

0:17:00 > 0:17:03and then fly back during lunch?

0:17:03 > 0:17:05Please just let me off the lunch!

0:17:05 > 0:17:07I'll cry!

0:17:07 > 0:17:09SHE MEWLS

0:17:09 > 0:17:10Please, don't do that.

0:17:12 > 0:17:14Noooooooo!

0:17:14 > 0:17:15That's not me!

0:17:15 > 0:17:16- Ohhhhh!- Whoa!

0:17:16 > 0:17:19Where's my hat? Have you seen my hat? It's gone!

0:17:19 > 0:17:22Why would it leave me after all we've been through?

0:17:25 > 0:17:27What if I lost MY hat?

0:17:32 > 0:17:34Semicolon...

0:17:34 > 0:17:36Let's make that a colon.

0:17:38 > 0:17:42And an apostrophe in "its" when it's used as a possessive.

0:17:43 > 0:17:45A-, here I come.

0:17:45 > 0:17:47- Here you go where?- Nowhere.

0:17:47 > 0:17:50Er, I mean, to the conference.

0:17:52 > 0:17:54Conference, here I come, yay!

0:17:54 > 0:17:57It sounded as if you said A-.

0:17:57 > 0:18:00No. No.

0:18:00 > 0:18:04A minor, as in I will be a minor star at the conference! Yay!

0:18:05 > 0:18:07I'm sure you will.

0:18:07 > 0:18:11And look, my staff have sent you a card.

0:18:11 > 0:18:12Even the Ambassador's signed it.

0:18:12 > 0:18:16Everyone's very proud that you're going to the conference, Martha.

0:18:16 > 0:18:17Very proud!

0:18:24 > 0:18:25OK, homework.

0:18:25 > 0:18:28Martha, A-, Lily B+.

0:18:28 > 0:18:30Martha, you're back on course for top of year.

0:18:32 > 0:18:36OK. No screaming, that's good!

0:18:36 > 0:18:38Arrrrghh!

0:18:38 > 0:18:40My hat, it's still missing!

0:18:40 > 0:18:42Why hasn't it found its way back to me?

0:18:42 > 0:18:45It knows where I am!

0:18:51 > 0:18:53Have you seen my hat? It looks like an octopus.

0:18:53 > 0:18:56I know. I shouldn't have hidden it.

0:18:56 > 0:18:58But people were staring!

0:18:58 > 0:19:02When you do someone a favour, it's always a good thing, isn't it?

0:19:02 > 0:19:06Even if they don't know it, right?

0:19:06 > 0:19:09I used to say all this sort of stuff to Matt. You know?

0:19:09 > 0:19:12Tell him my problems.

0:19:12 > 0:19:15But I can't any more, because I dumped him.

0:19:15 > 0:19:17- I miss him.- Hey, Lils.

0:19:18 > 0:19:22What's wrong with you? Why are you being so laid-back?

0:19:22 > 0:19:24Don't you remember what I said?

0:19:24 > 0:19:26Don't you even care?

0:19:29 > 0:19:30Just don't understand it.

0:19:30 > 0:19:34I have been over and over the questions,

0:19:34 > 0:19:37and I don't see how it's possible to get anything lower than an A.

0:19:37 > 0:19:40I know. We're going to have to start thinking outside the box here.

0:19:43 > 0:19:44What if we go beyond punctuation?

0:19:46 > 0:19:48You mean, bad grammar?

0:19:48 > 0:19:50Yeah. And spelling.

0:19:50 > 0:19:52What if I spell some words wrong?

0:19:52 > 0:19:54- Can it be done?- Yeah, I think so.

0:19:56 > 0:20:01What if I randomise every 100th letter, and split an infinitive?

0:20:02 > 0:20:03Add that to the punctuation...

0:20:03 > 0:20:06It's a formula for a B!

0:20:06 > 0:20:07Ah-ha!

0:20:11 > 0:20:13There you go.

0:20:13 > 0:20:14Oh, one second...

0:20:16 > 0:20:17Martha, B.

0:20:17 > 0:20:18- Yes!- Lily, B-.

0:20:20 > 0:20:23- Yes!- Oh, that's interesting.

0:20:23 > 0:20:25Jas, you're now top of year.

0:20:26 > 0:20:29NOOOOOOO!

0:20:39 > 0:20:43There's no way I'm eating dusty governor vol-au-vents.

0:20:43 > 0:20:45No way.

0:20:46 > 0:20:49Doing her homework with potato prints.

0:20:50 > 0:20:53How does she think of these things?

0:20:53 > 0:20:56We'll never beat that. And I bet Lily will find a way to be worse.

0:20:57 > 0:20:59We need a nuclear option.

0:20:59 > 0:21:02We need to find someone who knows how to get low marks

0:21:02 > 0:21:05every single time.

0:21:05 > 0:21:07Why don't you just give the wrong answers?

0:21:07 > 0:21:09And how would we find these wrong answers?

0:21:10 > 0:21:13Are you saying we should answer in French?

0:21:13 > 0:21:15Of course not, you just...

0:21:16 > 0:21:19Look, what colour is this?

0:21:20 > 0:21:21- Red.- Right.

0:21:21 > 0:21:24Right answer. Now, say something else.

0:21:24 > 0:21:25- What colour is this?- Rouge.

0:21:27 > 0:21:29Now you're getting it!

0:21:29 > 0:21:30Em, that's French for red.

0:21:30 > 0:21:33Oh, OK. How about this?

0:21:34 > 0:21:37Close your eyes, imagine a different pencil.

0:21:37 > 0:21:40- What colour is it?- Green.

0:21:40 > 0:21:43Right, now open your eyes and say that again

0:21:43 > 0:21:46when I ask, "What colour is this?"

0:21:48 > 0:21:50Gr...

0:21:50 > 0:21:52Gr...

0:21:52 > 0:21:54Come on, you can do it!

0:21:54 > 0:21:56What colour is the pencil?

0:21:57 > 0:22:00It's... It's... Gr..

0:22:00 > 0:22:02Green!

0:22:03 > 0:22:05It's green!

0:22:05 > 0:22:07It's a... It's a green pencil.

0:22:09 > 0:22:11Ollie, I can do it! I can be wrong!

0:22:11 > 0:22:13First, you lie to your mother.

0:22:13 > 0:22:15Then, you lie to your homework.

0:22:15 > 0:22:17I can't go on this journey with you!

0:22:25 > 0:22:27Do you ever feel like you've lost the most important

0:22:27 > 0:22:28thing in the world?

0:22:29 > 0:22:32Red is green. Two plus two equals eight.

0:22:32 > 0:22:35Parallel lines always meet.

0:22:35 > 0:22:37Who wants to live in a world like that?

0:22:39 > 0:22:41Being right is all I have.

0:22:41 > 0:22:45I can't do the wrong thing if the right thing is there in front of me.

0:22:45 > 0:22:47Why would anyone do that?

0:22:47 > 0:22:50No-one should. You're right, Ollie!

0:22:52 > 0:22:54We should choose the right thing.

0:22:54 > 0:22:57Always. I've got everything so wrong.

0:22:59 > 0:23:02No! The hoop! Does no-one see the hoop?

0:23:04 > 0:23:07Matt, I want to apologise.

0:23:07 > 0:23:09Jas told me what you were going to do, and I couldn't take it.

0:23:09 > 0:23:11And everything I said...

0:23:13 > 0:23:15..it was a lie. I didn't mean any of it!

0:23:16 > 0:23:20So, I was just angry and confused, and...

0:23:20 > 0:23:24So, if you have any thing you want to say, you can just say it.

0:23:24 > 0:23:26It's up to you, Matt. I'm ready.

0:23:28 > 0:23:30Right.

0:23:30 > 0:23:33So do you or don't you want a lift back from ice-skating?

0:23:33 > 0:23:35Cos Natasha's got room in her car.

0:23:35 > 0:23:38A lift? So, you weren't going to...?

0:23:41 > 0:23:43Hang on a second.

0:23:43 > 0:23:45Sorry, where did you get your hat from?

0:23:45 > 0:23:47I bought it. Everyone's wearing them.

0:23:52 > 0:23:54Jas, Jas, look!

0:23:54 > 0:23:57It's your hat! Everyone's wearing them!

0:23:57 > 0:24:00- They love them. - I know, I told you that.

0:24:00 > 0:24:02Yeah, but I thought...

0:24:04 > 0:24:06I've made so many mistakes.

0:24:06 > 0:24:08Wait here.

0:24:13 > 0:24:14It's gone!

0:24:14 > 0:24:16What have I done?

0:24:18 > 0:24:21Ollie. Not the book fort again.

0:24:21 > 0:24:24Books are my friends, Martha.

0:24:24 > 0:24:27Right, they don't have to hug me or make up wrong answers,

0:24:27 > 0:24:29and they respect my hoop.

0:24:29 > 0:24:31Now, I'm staying in here until the world gets a grip on itself!

0:24:38 > 0:24:40This is my fault, isn't it?

0:24:40 > 0:24:43My quest for poor performance has led me down some very dark paths.

0:24:44 > 0:24:46Well, no more.

0:24:46 > 0:24:49I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place.

0:24:50 > 0:24:52Tell your mother the truth?

0:24:52 > 0:24:54No. Go to the science convention.

0:24:57 > 0:24:58Read the small print.

0:25:01 > 0:25:02Jas!

0:25:04 > 0:25:06I have to tell you something.

0:25:06 > 0:25:08It's about your hat. It's...

0:25:08 > 0:25:10On your bag!

0:25:10 > 0:25:11What?

0:25:11 > 0:25:14It's on your bag!

0:25:14 > 0:25:17Yes! It's on my bag.

0:25:17 > 0:25:20Where have you been?

0:25:48 > 0:25:52Sorry, it's really disgusting.

0:25:52 > 0:25:55I know! Everyone's wearing clean octopus hats these days,

0:25:55 > 0:25:57but mine's like a real octopus.

0:25:57 > 0:26:01It's very you. Now, I've got one last right thing to do.

0:26:08 > 0:26:11I need to tell you something.

0:26:11 > 0:26:14I just wanted to say, I was wrong.

0:26:14 > 0:26:16I don't want you to get into trouble with your mum for going to the

0:26:16 > 0:26:18governors' lunch, so...

0:26:18 > 0:26:20It's OK. I'm going to the conference.

0:26:20 > 0:26:23- But how?- Look at the fine print.

0:26:23 > 0:26:25Age 12 to 16.

0:26:25 > 0:26:2811-year-olds must be accompanied by an older student.

0:26:31 > 0:26:32OK, OK.

0:26:32 > 0:26:35Last set of marks before Friday.

0:26:36 > 0:26:39Ollie is officially top boy.

0:26:41 > 0:26:43And Lily...is top girl.

0:26:45 > 0:26:47No screaming. OK.

0:26:47 > 0:26:49Just a few announcements, then.

0:26:49 > 0:26:51It's so nice that we can finally talk again.

0:26:51 > 0:26:55I mean, I know that you didn't realise we couldn't,

0:26:55 > 0:26:57but maybe it's nice for you that I don't keep

0:26:57 > 0:26:59running away when I see you.

0:26:59 > 0:27:01Yeah, not running's better.

0:27:01 > 0:27:04Since Ollie is refusing to come out of the library - again -

0:27:04 > 0:27:09we're looking for a volunteer to replace him at the governors' lunch.

0:27:09 > 0:27:11Matt, I was thinking.

0:27:11 > 0:27:13Maybe we could go on a...

0:27:13 > 0:27:15- On a what?- Any takers?

0:27:21 > 0:27:23Matthew Furnish!

0:27:23 > 0:27:25Thank you for volunteering.

0:27:33 > 0:27:36You know what? This could be a lot worse.

0:27:36 > 0:27:38Yeah. Who needs skating?

0:27:38 > 0:27:41I don't think Mrs Griggs is enjoying it that much, though.

0:27:44 > 0:27:47Mrs Griggs? I wonder if we could run you through the minutes of

0:27:47 > 0:27:48our last 12 meetings?

0:27:48 > 0:27:50NOOOO!

0:27:52 > 0:27:55# Ooh hoo-oh! #