0:00:02 > 0:00:04- ALARM BELLS RING - What happened?
0:00:04 > 0:00:07- The school burned down. - Wow...- Yup.
0:00:07 > 0:00:08It'll take months to rebuild it.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Until then, there'll be no school,
0:00:10 > 0:00:12no lessons,
0:00:12 > 0:00:13no homework,
0:00:13 > 0:00:15no getting up early,
0:00:15 > 0:00:16no lessons...
0:00:18 > 0:00:19- LILY:- Rob!
0:00:19 > 0:00:20Huh?
0:00:20 > 0:00:23I was having an amazing dream.
0:00:23 > 0:00:24Was I in it?
0:00:24 > 0:00:28No, it was me scoring the winning goal of the World Cup.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31- Oh. Good for you.- I can't believe I fell asleep in class!
0:00:31 > 0:00:32I wouldn't worry.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34You're not the only one.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37HE SIGHS CONTENTEDLY Burned down...
0:00:38 > 0:00:40No school,
0:00:40 > 0:00:42no lessons,
0:00:42 > 0:00:44no marking...
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Hm...
0:00:51 > 0:00:54- # Ooh-ooh-ooh - Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56# Ooh!
0:00:56 > 0:00:59# So... So... So...
0:01:00 > 0:01:05# Ooh-ooh, ooh Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh
0:01:05 > 0:01:08# Aah-aah, aah Aah-aah, aah, aah-aah
0:01:09 > 0:01:12# So... So... So... So...
0:01:12 > 0:01:15# So, oooh
0:01:15 > 0:01:17# So awkward! #
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Best documentary I've seen all year.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I was hooked from the opening line.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Is our behaviour shaped by inherited characteristics,
0:01:26 > 0:01:29or is it more determined by the surrounding environment?
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Try switching over after that!
0:01:30 > 0:01:33It's so nice, after a hard day of school, to turn on the TV
0:01:33 > 0:01:37and let a science documentary wash over you.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Oh, yes, absolute bliss. Ow!
0:01:40 > 0:01:41Sorry, Lily. Aiming for the goal.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Oh... That's OK.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49You know, although Rob is ABSOLUTELY perfect,
0:01:49 > 0:01:50he'd be even MORE perfect
0:01:50 > 0:01:53if sometimes he was a little less "boy".
0:01:53 > 0:01:55I mean, do you ever get the sense that boys and girls
0:01:55 > 0:01:57aren't on the same wavelength?
0:01:57 > 0:02:00HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
0:02:01 > 0:02:03THEY CHEER
0:02:07 > 0:02:10GENTLE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Well, girls are more advanced than boys at this age.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Biologically, emotionally and intellectually.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Well, hang on. What about me?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- Oh. You're not like that, Ollie. - Oh, good!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27No. You're just like one of the girls.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Oh... Thanks...?
0:02:34 > 0:02:36What's wrong? I was giving you a compliment.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38I just think it's a silly thing to say.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40I mean, no-one else thinks I'm one of the girls.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42- Hi, girls.- Oh!
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Please tell me you've got your parent consent forms
0:02:45 > 0:02:47signed for the History field trip.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Oh, come on, you don't want to miss Warwick Castle!
0:02:49 > 0:02:52It's History, but it actually isn't boring!
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Sorry, Sir - got to get to Geography now.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Ms Parfitt's erupting her volcano, and we want front row seats.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Hmm, Ms Parfitt - new teacher.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02- What's she like, then? - Sorry. Can't talk.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05- Can't be late.- Geography!- I'm a boy!
0:03:11 > 0:03:14ALL CHATTER Right.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17The Spanish Armada. The Spanish...
0:03:17 > 0:03:21ALL CONTINUE CONVERSATIONS Er, hello? Boys...
0:03:21 > 0:03:22Girls!
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Huh?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27So I thought we could watch a movie at mine tonight.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- I've got the perfect one. - What's it about?
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Well, there's this really funny girl and this really cute guy,
0:03:32 > 0:03:36and they're kind of opposites and they argue and stuff,
0:03:36 > 0:03:39but underneath, he's, like, really sensitive...
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Sounds a bit girlie. What about Bug Splatter 4?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44There's this bit where the bug monsters get melted
0:03:44 > 0:03:46and all this slime comes out!
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Settle down, please!
0:03:49 > 0:03:51What has got into you lot?
0:03:51 > 0:03:52I've never seen you like this!
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Sir, I think it's because we just had
0:03:55 > 0:03:57the most amazing Geography lesson of our lives.
0:03:57 > 0:04:02- Yeah. Ms Parfitt erupted her volcano. It was awesome!- All right.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Real smoke came out of it and everything.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Well, obviously you need gimmicks like that for Geography,
0:04:07 > 0:04:09because it's a little bit boring.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Oh, Sir!
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Geography isn't boring. It's amazing.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14It's my favourite subject.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16I thought you liked History!
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Think about all the cool stuff...we've been learning.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23- Rob, what's been your favourite History topic this term?- Er...
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Dragons.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Firstly, we haven't done dragons.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Secondly, dragons do not exist.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- I know that. They died out, right? - No, no, they...
0:04:34 > 0:04:36HE SIGHS Never mind.
0:04:36 > 0:04:37Geography is cool,
0:04:37 > 0:04:40because it's about what's happening to our planet right now.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43The tectonic plates moving beneath our feet.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- The restless energy of powerful oceans.- What about History?
0:04:47 > 0:04:48The war...
0:04:48 > 0:04:50..and dates...
0:04:50 > 0:04:52..and, er, documents...?
0:04:52 > 0:04:56But Ms Parfitt just has this way of bringing Geography alive.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Yeah. She's, like, the best teacher ever.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03And she's friendly and cool and interesting and funny...
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Yeah, all right! - Honestly, you'll love her.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Oh, I'm sure I will.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Turns out we all just had the wrong textbooks!
0:05:16 > 0:05:17ALL LAUGH
0:05:17 > 0:05:19I know, how embarrassing!
0:05:19 > 0:05:21CHUCKLING
0:05:21 > 0:05:22Morning. Hi.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24I'm Jeff Malone, History.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Oh, Vicky Parfitt, Geography.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Have to say, my lot loved the volcano.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- Oh! Works every time.- I always thought Geography was boring.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Maps, maps, maps...
0:05:33 > 0:05:35You know, I was glad when they brought in sat navs
0:05:35 > 0:05:37and made the whole thing pointless.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Hmm... Well, maybe you just had a bad teacher.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- Some of them really can't be bothered, you know?- Yeah...
0:05:44 > 0:05:48- BEEPING This is new.- Oh, yeah.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49It's my gift to all of you.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52I can't function without my coffee. Do you want one?
0:05:52 > 0:05:56- Cappuccino, espresso?- No, thanks. I'm...I'm a tea man.- Oh!
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Good for you, Jeff. You stick to your guns.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01There's some really gifted students here.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03I can't wait to get them all out on a Geography field trip.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Yeah, I love the field trips. I'm doing the History one.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10Nothing better than a day out away from boring old school.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Well, I'll let you get on.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- I'm sure you're itching to plan your next lesson.- Yeah, right!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17No, I'll probably just wing it...
0:06:17 > 0:06:18..as usual.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22It's only the Spanish Armada of 1586.
0:06:22 > 0:06:231588?
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Yeah, something like that.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30I mean, physically, I couldn't be any more of a boy. What with this...
0:06:30 > 0:06:34- What are you pointing out? - My stubble.- I can't see anything.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40I've obviously been spending too much time with girls.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43I need to absorb the influences of a typical boy.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46But typical boys are horrible. Unhygienic, immature...
0:06:46 > 0:06:49But where to find a typically boyish influence?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51HUGE BURP NEARBY
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- ALL LAUGH - That was a good one, wasn't it?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Oh... The perfect mentor!
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Mmm! You're right, Vicky,
0:07:01 > 0:07:04you really can taste the hint of toffee in the Guatemalan beans.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- You've got a new coffee machine, as well, then?- Yes.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10A bit pricey, but worth every penny. Would you like one?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Latte, cappuccino, espresso?
0:07:12 > 0:07:16- No, thank you. I'm a tea man. DISDAINFULLY:- Oh.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- Do you have any tea?- No.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Now, I'm afraid I have some bad news.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25It seems I've discovered a black hole in the school's finances.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27You know how little money there is an education.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Frankly, I wonder where it all goes sometimes.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31- BEEPING - Whoa!
0:07:31 > 0:07:33New chair?
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Oh, yes, top-of-the-range.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I'm still getting used to it.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Anyway, what I'm saying is we can't afford to do both History
0:07:40 > 0:07:42and the Geography field trip, I was thinking,
0:07:42 > 0:07:44to be nice to Ms Parfitt,
0:07:44 > 0:07:47seeing as she's new, we cancel the History trip.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48But my trip was arranged ages ago!
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Well, I'm sorry, but in the current financial climate,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53we all need to tighten our belts.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- Blinds! - WHIRRING
0:07:55 > 0:07:57That's better. The sun was in my eyes.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01- How much were they?!- How about letting the children decide?
0:08:01 > 0:08:04We could have a vote, and the trip with the most votes goes ahead.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- Cool with me. Bit of competition never hurt anyone, eh, Jeff?- No.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Bring it on. I'm not scared. The kids love History.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12- They love Geography.- Good.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15- I'm so glad we found a solution. - So am I.- Couldn't be happier.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Just don't cry if you lose. BEEPING
0:08:17 > 0:08:18Don't you cry.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20I won't lose, so I won't cry.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- I think you will lose. - I know you'll lose.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25- Now you're being childish. - I know you are.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27PRINCIPAL LAUGHS
0:08:32 > 0:08:35- You all right, Ollie?- Yeah. Yeah.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Just don't mind me.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38You just carry on.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Just carry on being a boy.
0:08:42 > 0:08:47So, you told Rob he was rude, immature and disgusting?
0:08:47 > 0:08:48I thought he'd be pleased.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50It's obviously the image he's going for.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52But rather than saying,
0:08:52 > 0:08:54"Thank you, Ollie, I will help you be like me,"
0:08:54 > 0:08:57he just pulled a frown-y face, then left!
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Why not just enjoy being one of the girls?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Oh, I've got the perfect headband!
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Hey, Ollie!
0:09:04 > 0:09:07I've been thinking about what you said, and I'm up for it.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09- I'll teach you boy stuff.- Great!
0:09:09 > 0:09:12First, no more frog headbands, OK?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Oh, right, no... It's...
0:09:14 > 0:09:17It's not... It's not mine. It's Jas'...
0:09:22 > 0:09:24So, Cheddar Gorge.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Ancient limestone caves
0:09:26 > 0:09:29where they once found the world's oldest human skeleton,
0:09:29 > 0:09:32which was 9,000 years old.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Hello. I've just run out of A5 paper
0:09:35 > 0:09:37and wondered if I could borrow some.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- Sure. Go crazy. - What's going on here?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42We're examining limestone.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Ooh! Aren't you worried you'll get them overexcited?
0:09:45 > 0:09:48I can always calm them down with some historical facts.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Always sends me off to sleep.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52So, Cheddar Gorge.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Formed 1.2 million years ago.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Who knows what lurks in its mysterious depths?
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Probably rocks, if I had to guess.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02Rocks and darkness.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Now, the history of Warwick Castle, on the other hand,
0:10:05 > 0:10:07won't be really dull.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09- Have you found the paper? - Oh, is this the volcano?
0:10:09 > 0:10:12What, that large thing shaped like a volcano?
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- How do you make the smoke come out? - I'd rather not say.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16It spoils the magic.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Hmm. Secretive.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23First lesson - bants.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- Pretty sure that's not a word. - It's short for "banter".
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Imagine my team lost 4-0 at the weekend
0:10:29 > 0:10:31and you see me at school on Monday. What would you say?
0:10:31 > 0:10:34I...probably wouldn't mention it.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- I mean, I doubt you'd want to be reminded.- I wouldn't.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39But you'd want to rub it in.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41You'd go, "Saw you lose at the weekend.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44"You're going down! 4-0! 4-0!"
0:10:44 > 0:10:48- Doesn't all this seem rather cruel and heartless?- That's what boys do.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52- We show each other we're mates by being horrible to each other.- Right.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Now football. First, you need a team.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Then you need to find your rival team.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59The rivalries are everything.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Ah, so it's just like Spain and England in the 16th century.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Why, what happened there?
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Oh, well, they were always trying to outdo each other.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Spain tried to invade England,
0:11:07 > 0:11:10so the English packed their ships full of explosives,
0:11:10 > 0:11:14set them on fire and sent them to blow up the Spanish fleet.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Really? That sounds pretty epic!
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Yeah, yeah. Anyway, back to the man lesson.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Wait a minute. What happened with the exploding ships?
0:11:21 > 0:11:23If you tell me about that,
0:11:23 > 0:11:26I'll teach you how to do a really loud burp.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28You've got yourself a deal.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Geography...25.
0:11:44 > 0:11:45History...
0:11:45 > 0:11:46Three?!
0:11:48 > 0:11:49MOCKINGLY: Ooh, I'm Ms Perfect!
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Everybody loves me!
0:11:51 > 0:11:53I make Geography come alive! Oh!
0:11:53 > 0:11:55- Hello, Mr Malone.- Oh!
0:11:55 > 0:11:58- You two... You all right? - Quite well.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Although we were most surprised
0:12:00 > 0:12:02to see you in our Geography class today,
0:12:02 > 0:12:03saying you'd run out of paper.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07- Yes.- As stationery monitors, Cassie and I pride ourselves
0:12:07 > 0:12:10on keeping the classrooms stocked up with sufficient paper.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14A4, A5, lined, plain and graph.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Oh, well, looks like you dropped the ball. Never mind.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- I don't think Cassie or I have ever "dropped the ball", Mr Malone.- No.
0:12:20 > 0:12:25Not unless it was during some kind of sporting activity.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Don't let it worry you. Oh, hey...
0:12:28 > 0:12:32I bet you two clever clogs know how Ms Parfitt makes smoke come
0:12:32 > 0:12:34out of that volcano, don't you?
0:12:34 > 0:12:37I could probably guess a method that would be simple, yet ingenious.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41But we wouldn't tell you. It might spoil the magic. Goodbye.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47MOCKINGLY: Ooh, I'm Ms Perfect!
0:12:47 > 0:12:50I've got a volcano and nobody knows how it works! Nobody...
0:12:50 > 0:12:51Oh, please! Call me Vicky.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- I...- Are you checking the numbers?- No!
0:12:55 > 0:12:59I was looking at the girls' lost property list.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Yup. How about you?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Me? No, I'm...I'm just passing.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05Well, good.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07- Goodbye, then.- Yeah. See you.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19SHE WHOOPS
0:13:23 > 0:13:27That guy, Brad. He's a lot like you, really.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Although he's a boy and does boy stuff,
0:13:29 > 0:13:32he's also sensitive and sweet.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Isn't he, Rob?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36HE CHUCKLES
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Sorry? Ollie just sent me a video
0:13:38 > 0:13:41of someone squeezing a massive spot. Look.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43YELLING FROM VIDEO CLIP
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Ms Perfect...
0:13:50 > 0:13:52I mean, Ms Parfitt?
0:13:54 > 0:13:57How do you work, then?
0:13:57 > 0:13:58Eh?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06OK, guys. Come in, sit down.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Are you going to erupt the volcano this lesson, Miss?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- I certainly am.- Yeah!
0:14:14 > 0:14:17The Rob I fell for is sweet, sensitive and cute.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Isn't he?
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Er...
0:14:19 > 0:14:20No.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22No, Rob's more...
0:14:22 > 0:14:24What's the word? More...
0:14:24 > 0:14:27HUGE BURP
0:14:29 > 0:14:30That's the word.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34When a volcano erupts, there's a humongous explosion
0:14:34 > 0:14:38and ash and smoke and super-hot molten lava all shoot out of it.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40And if you're close by, you're toast.
0:14:40 > 0:14:41Now, to make our model erupt,
0:14:41 > 0:14:44I'm going to pour this stinky chemical
0:14:44 > 0:14:45down the mouth of the volcano.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47It's going to react with the stuff underneath it
0:14:47 > 0:14:50and, hopefully, make it all catch fire. Are you ready?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53You have done a full risk-assessment on this, Miss?
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Of course I have, Cassie. Trust me, there's nothing to worry about.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00But what about the psychological impact of a sudden explosion?
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Of course, I'm fine with it,
0:15:02 > 0:15:04but what about the more easily scared members of the class?
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Guys, it's going to be fine.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09It's just a few flames and a bit of smoke.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12I promise, nothing scary is going to come out of it. Ready?
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Wait, stop! ALL SCREAM
0:15:19 > 0:15:21THUD
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Wow! I wasn't expecting that!
0:15:33 > 0:15:38And Rob is a total boy when it comes to food. He's obsessed by it.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41He's always scoffing things messily and talking with his mouth full.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45- That's terrible.- I know. If only I could de-boy-ify him somehow...
0:15:47 > 0:15:51I know! We'll dress a Sixth Former up as Rob from the future.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55He's come back in time to warn Rob to change his ways to save mankind.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58OK... Or I could give Rob a taste of his own medicine,
0:15:58 > 0:16:01by acting all boy to him so he sees how annoying it is.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Oh, Lily! You and your ridiculous plans! What are you like?!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Right...
0:16:19 > 0:16:21I can't function without my coffee.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23A bit of competition never hurt anyone.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26What are you doing inside the volcano?!
0:16:27 > 0:16:29HE SIGHS
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Looks like we might be about to run out of coffee.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Right.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39BEEPING
0:16:39 > 0:16:41WHIRRING
0:16:46 > 0:16:48That's quite strong.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Nothing a man like me can't take, of course!
0:16:55 > 0:16:57BEEPING AND WHIRRING
0:17:00 > 0:17:02BEEPING
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Ooh!
0:17:15 > 0:17:16- Hello, can't stop!- Oh, Jeff.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19You don't know what happened to all the coffee, do you?
0:17:19 > 0:17:22- No, no, I don't drink coffee. I'm a tea man.- You all right?
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- You seem a bit jittery. - I'm not jittery!
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Why would you say I'm jittery?! There's nothing jittery about me!
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Sorry I'm late. Ms Perfect kept me talking in the corridor.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Nice woman, bit keen, don't know why they call her Ms Perfect, though.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35She has her faults, just like all of us. Now, where were we?
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Warwick Castle! These are all the exciting things you'll be
0:17:38 > 0:17:41seeing on the History field trip! So much more exciting
0:17:41 > 0:17:44than the Geography field trip to Cheddar Gorge! Yawn! Boring!
0:17:44 > 0:17:45Look at all the great stuff?!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48A moat, a keep, a drawbridge, a gatehouse!
0:17:48 > 0:17:51And let's not forget other fascinating sites in the area,
0:17:51 > 0:17:54like Diabolo's Pizza which we may also be visiting,
0:17:54 > 0:17:55the ice-cream shop,
0:17:55 > 0:17:58which will also feature on the tour, and the excellent example
0:17:58 > 0:18:01of late 20th-century architecture - the skate park.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05SILENCE
0:18:05 > 0:18:06PENCIL DROPS
0:18:06 > 0:18:08LULLABY MUSIC PLAYS
0:18:11 > 0:18:17So, the Geography field trip is to...Cheddar...Gorge.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Cheddar Gorge is a...
0:18:21 > 0:18:24It's like a big cave...
0:18:24 > 0:18:25Big old cave.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28It's very, very...big.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31I think some of us would like to know a little bit more
0:18:31 > 0:18:33about the limestone bedrock?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- SHE SIGHS - Bed...
0:18:35 > 0:18:38And others might appreciate some questions, to test their knowledge.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Mmm. Good idea.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Here's one.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Has anyone brought any coffee?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54And another thing - boys don't say a lot.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58If we can, we just say the words "safe", "whatevs", or "meh".
0:18:58 > 0:19:00I see.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- I mean, safe.- Whatevs.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Right, go and practise. Oh, wait.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Did you bring in that book about the Spanish Armada? Safe.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10- Meh. - CRACK!
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Hi, Rob.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Hi, Ollie.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Whatevs.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17All right, Lily?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20SHE MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Tonight? I don't know. I'm cool with just hanging out.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28- How's it going?- Not well.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31He's not even noticed I've been all greedy and disgusting.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33OK. Time for plan B.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37I'm you, from the future.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39You've got to stop being a boy
0:19:39 > 0:19:42or there'll be dire consequences for mankind.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Jas!
0:19:44 > 0:19:47So...do I get those crisps now?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Geography trip...38.
0:19:54 > 0:19:59All-you-can-eat-ice-cream History trip - 36?
0:19:59 > 0:20:00Curse you, Malone!
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Feeling OK, Ms Parfitt?
0:20:03 > 0:20:05You looked a bit tired earlier.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08I'm fine now, thanks. But it's weird how we ran out of coffee like that.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12- Well, don't look at me. I'm a tea man.- Of course you are.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Let me guess how you take it.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Very weak and not in the slightest bit sweet.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19It's not fair that I'm even having to compete with you.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20My trip was first.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24If there is only money for one, then it should be mine.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26So, put that in your volcano and smoke it.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31- MOCKINGLY:- I'm Mr Moan!
0:20:31 > 0:20:34My trip was first! Wah, wah, wah!
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Right! The gloves are coming off!
0:20:37 > 0:20:40OK, so maybe I need to be even more like Rob to show him
0:20:40 > 0:20:41how annoying his boy-ness is.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43That's not boy-ness, that's just Rob-ness.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46And Ollie wasn't like a girl. He was just Ollie.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50And now he's turning into Rob. What have I done?
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Oh, dear! Oh, dear...!
0:20:58 > 0:20:59Oh!
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Urgh!
0:21:09 > 0:21:10What?
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Please don't let Ollie learn how to burp.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Hey, quick question - who's better, boys or girls?
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Is that a real question?
0:21:22 > 0:21:24I say girls are better, which is why you should sign up
0:21:24 > 0:21:28to the Geography field trip with me and not History with Mr Malone.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30But we love History and Geography.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34And there's no all-you-can-eat ice cream on the Geography trip.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37And that Elizabeth I didn't mess about, did she?
0:21:37 > 0:21:41- Anyone crossed her and she was like, "Off with their head!"- Lads...
0:21:41 > 0:21:45Oh, why haven't you signed up yet? We can't let Ms Perfect win.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- "Ms Perfect"?- Ms Parfitt, she's called, Rob.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Don't call her Ms Perfect - it's very rude.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54An ancient cave full of mystery.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56It'll really help with your exams.
0:21:56 > 0:22:01And Geography is the most science-y of all the humanities subjects.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Battlements. A torture chamber.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08- A moat.- A moat?- Full of sharks.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- Really?- Might be...?
0:22:10 > 0:22:12And it's called Cheddar Gorge, Jas,
0:22:12 > 0:22:16because you can literally gorge yourself on Cheddar.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18- Is that the real reason?- Might be.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25I did it! I won!
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Yes! Get in!
0:22:27 > 0:22:29ICE-CREAM VAN VERSION OF GREENSLEEVES PLAYS
0:22:31 > 0:22:34- Oh, yeah!- Congratulations, Sir! - MUSIC POWERS DOWN
0:22:34 > 0:22:35Thanks, Rob. I...
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Looking forward to the trip to...Warwick Castle, eh?
0:22:38 > 0:22:40I don't mind which trip we go on.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Just as long as I get a day off boring school.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Well, that's not the right attitude, is it?
0:22:44 > 0:22:46I feel a bit sorry for Ms Parfitt, though.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49She was looking forward to showing us the stalagmites and stuff.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53- Yeah, I bet she was.- She's, like, obsessed with teaching, isn't she?
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Not like you, Sir.
0:22:55 > 0:22:56You're not like a teacher.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57You're just like one of us.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Later, Sir.
0:23:02 > 0:23:03Hmm.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10KNOCK AT DOOR Ah, hello.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14I was just going through my parental consent forms.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18As much as it pains me to say it, congratulations.
0:23:18 > 0:23:19Best man won.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Even if the best woman didn't.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25Oh, thank you. I just...wish that the school could do both trips.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- Hey, still got the best job in the world, right?- Mmm.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30You really do think that, don't you?
0:23:30 > 0:23:32I actually do.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Weird, eh?
0:23:34 > 0:23:36- See you later.- Bye!
0:23:49 > 0:23:51ALL CHATTER
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Right, the Spanish Armada!
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Where's Ollie?
0:24:01 > 0:24:02Not like you to be late, Ollie.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04- Sit down.- Safe.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Yes, when you're ready...!
0:24:14 > 0:24:16- Are you OK, Ollie?- Meh...
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Actually, look, I should tell you -
0:24:18 > 0:24:22I'm afraid, I've got some bad news about Warwick Castle.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Unfortunately, I lost your parent consent forms,
0:24:25 > 0:24:27so Ms Parfitt's trip
0:24:27 > 0:24:30will go ahead instead.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32She probably deserves it more.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35She's a... She's a much better teacher than me.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38No, no, no, no! No, I don't want you to argue.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41You're not... You're not arguing with me...
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Well, enjoy Cheddar Gorge.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47- I've decided that I won't be doing any more trips.- What?
0:24:47 > 0:24:48That's a terrible decision!
0:24:48 > 0:24:52That's worse than Philip of Spain launching an Armada against England.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53Well, it is what I have, er...
0:24:55 > 0:24:58- Sorry?- You know? The Spanish Armada?
0:24:58 > 0:24:591588?
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Rob knows some history!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03I taught Rob some history!
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Well, actually, it was more...
0:25:05 > 0:25:09I don't need volcanoes or cannons to bring history alive.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11I'm a brilliant teacher.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13I do deserve my trip!
0:25:15 > 0:25:16Oh! Look!
0:25:16 > 0:25:20The...parent consent forms are in the bin all along!
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Crisis averted.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Warwick Castle, here we come!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26HUGE BURP
0:25:26 > 0:25:28I did it!
0:25:28 > 0:25:29I mean, er... Pardon.
0:25:35 > 0:25:40- "An even bigger black hole in the school's finances"?- Yes.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43I discovered it today. Tragic, isn't it?
0:25:43 > 0:25:45I just cannot think how this has happened.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Oh, it's a bit cold.
0:25:47 > 0:25:48Heating up 10%!
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- COMPUTER VOICE: - Temperature increase - 10%.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54- Voice-activated central heating? - Amazing, isn't it?
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Anyway, as I was saying, we can't afford to do either field trip.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00- But, it...- But the good news is
0:26:00 > 0:26:02we can do the History and the Geography field trip
0:26:02 > 0:26:05if we relocate both of them to the school field.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07- The school field?- Yes!
0:26:07 > 0:26:10You can explore the Geography of the school field,
0:26:10 > 0:26:13and Mr Malone can examine the History of the school field.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15I mean, they are called "field" trips so, in a way,
0:26:15 > 0:26:17this is totally appropriate.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19PING!
0:26:20 > 0:26:21Toasted panini?
0:26:23 > 0:26:26I'm sure you can do Cheddar Gorge next term.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28And you can do Warwick Castle.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31I think you secretly like teaching just as much as me.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35Well, the kids are all right, and some of the teachers...
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- Look, do you fancy getting a coffee? - I quite fancy a tea, actually.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Geography's still better than History, though.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Oh, History's amazing! All the kings and queens?
0:26:43 > 0:26:47- It's not as good as a volcano! - Oh, not that volcano again!
0:26:49 > 0:26:50Ollie! Thank you!
0:26:50 > 0:26:53- Er, for what?- Your plan!
0:26:53 > 0:26:56To make Rob less boy. It worked!
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Last week he wanted to watch this DVD about slimy alien bug monsters,
0:27:00 > 0:27:03and now he wants to have a History study date.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Er, yeah, yes, of course -
0:27:05 > 0:27:07that was the plan all along...
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Use my influence to affect his behaviour.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Classic nurture triumphing over nature.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Ollie, I'm sorry I said you were one of the girls.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17You're obviously one of the boys.
0:27:19 > 0:27:20Oh, yes...
0:27:20 > 0:27:23- EXAGGERATED:- Wow, Ollie! Look at all that stubble!
0:27:23 > 0:27:26You really must start shaving soon!
0:27:26 > 0:27:30Yeah, it's getting quite itchy, actually.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Just as long as there's no more burping.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Oh, no, I won't be doing that.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36I realised that just because I was a boy,
0:27:36 > 0:27:38I don't have to do everything Rob does.
0:27:38 > 0:27:39- See you later, Ollie.- Safe.