0:00:02 > 0:00:06BUZZ OF CONVERSATION
0:00:14 > 0:00:16HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS
0:00:19 > 0:00:21She's doing brilliantly!
0:00:31 > 0:00:33She's so elegant.
0:00:33 > 0:00:34I did it!
0:00:34 > 0:00:37- SHOUTING:- Corn on the cob!
0:00:39 > 0:00:42So near, yet so far.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Jas, you actually have to put food in your mouth
0:00:50 > 0:00:51before you start eating.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Have a corn on the cob.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55- SHOUTING:- 'Corn on the cob!'
0:00:58 > 0:01:02- # Ooh-ooh-ooh - Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh!
0:01:02 > 0:01:03# Ooh!
0:01:03 > 0:01:06# So... So... So...
0:01:08 > 0:01:12# Ooh-ooh, ooh Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh
0:01:12 > 0:01:15# Aah-aah, aah Aah-aah, aah, aah-aah
0:01:16 > 0:01:19# So... So... So... So...
0:01:19 > 0:01:22# So, oooh
0:01:22 > 0:01:25# So awkward! #
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Jas, this is so exciting.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34I know!
0:01:34 > 0:01:37I present the six-layer pamelade sandwich.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40That's peanut butter, jam and marmalade.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Very impressive. But I meant this.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46I've been asked to interview for the job of youth hockey coordinator.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50"Wally, the most feared goalie in division one,
0:01:50 > 0:01:52"moves into management."
0:01:52 > 0:01:54HE LAUGHS
0:01:56 > 0:02:00Ooh! Looks like I'm not the only one with exciting post.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07You've been asked to be a...
0:02:07 > 0:02:09SHE GULPS
0:02:09 > 0:02:11..bridesmaid? And you're happy about it?
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Of course. Who wouldn't want to be a bridesmaid?
0:02:16 > 0:02:18I can't think of anything worse than weddings.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Luckily, I intend to be married to science
0:02:20 > 0:02:22and you can do that wearing a lab coat,
0:02:22 > 0:02:23not a ridiculous puffy dress.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26You've been very quiet, Lily.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29What do you think about weddings? About weddings...
0:02:29 > 0:02:30- Oh, Lily! - ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS
0:02:30 > 0:02:32It's like we're in a dream.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- Actually, where are we? - BIRDSONG
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Just go with it. What were you going to say?
0:02:37 > 0:02:39You're the only one for me.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42I always dreamed I'd end up with a girl who can't throw.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Please marry me and make me the happiest boy in the world?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Oh, Rob!
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Yes.
0:02:51 > 0:02:52Yes!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01..Lily?
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Oh!
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Er, I don't really think about weddings that much.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08I mean, they're OK, I guess.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Well, I'm excited.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Really, really, really, really excited!
0:03:19 > 0:03:22So, I thought I could design my own bridesmaid dress?
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Because I'm great at designing.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Remember when I designed that hat that was also a dog lead?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Is she still talking about weddings?
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Good job I came prepared.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36And maybe I'll have a say in what music we come down the aisle to.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Personally, I'd go for hip-hop but maybe they'd like me to sing.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Lily, am I the only person who sees a problem with Jas as a bridesmaid?
0:03:43 > 0:03:46ETHEREAL HARP MUSIC
0:03:57 > 0:04:00CLATTERING
0:04:05 > 0:04:06She's going to ruin everything.
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Exactly.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Um, sorry to interrupt,
0:04:10 > 0:04:13but doesn't being a bridesmaid mean you have to be neat and tidy?
0:04:13 > 0:04:14I AM neat and tidy!
0:04:16 > 0:04:18And doesn't being a bridesmaid
0:04:18 > 0:04:22also mean you have to walk gracefully down the aisle?
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Objection, I am the height of gracefulness!
0:04:25 > 0:04:28I will swish down the aisle like this.
0:04:28 > 0:04:29See, graceful!
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Huh!
0:04:31 > 0:04:32LAUGHTER
0:04:32 > 0:04:35That was even funnier with no sound!
0:04:35 > 0:04:38OK. So, maybe I have a small amount of work to do.
0:04:49 > 0:04:531996 I got this tracksuit, and it still fits.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56That's impressive.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59No. That's elasticated waistbands.
0:04:59 > 0:05:04- I'm going to wear it to my interview. Really wow them.- Dad...
0:05:04 > 0:05:07You know one of our Salford things is being a tiny bit clumsy?
0:05:08 > 0:05:10OK. Trust me, it is.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13So, I'm a bit worried about getting through the wedding
0:05:13 > 0:05:16- without any calamities. - We'll sort this out.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19I just need to quickly check where my interview is,
0:05:19 > 0:05:22and I'll be right with you.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26"Exciting opportunities, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
0:05:26 > 0:05:30"4pm, et cetera, et cetera, please prepare a presentation..."
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Presentation! "Please prepare a presentation"?!
0:05:33 > 0:05:36This is why I never read both sides of a letter.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38I can't speak in front of people.
0:05:38 > 0:05:39I just can't...I can't do it!
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Dad, I know this is a big deal,
0:05:41 > 0:05:43but can we please talk about the wedding?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45What if my mind goes blank?
0:05:47 > 0:05:50See? It did just then!
0:05:51 > 0:05:53He wasn't any help at all.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55It was like he wasn't even listening.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57HARP MUSIC
0:06:00 > 0:06:02For as long as we both shall live.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06And now he kisses me, right?
0:06:06 > 0:06:08You may now kiss the bride.
0:06:08 > 0:06:09We are doing that bit, aren't we?
0:06:11 > 0:06:13You know what I mean?
0:06:13 > 0:06:14Oh, totally.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16So, what am I going to do now?
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Kiss me...
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Kiss me.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21MUSIC POWERS DOWN
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Ah, that's a really sweet offer, Lily,
0:06:23 > 0:06:26but I'm not sure how that's going to help me be a good bridesmaid.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29You know what, maybe we should hold a fake wedding.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31So, we can teach you how to be a bridesmaid.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33That's actually a pretty good idea.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36As the renowned economist Ernst F Schumacher said,
0:06:36 > 0:06:39"An ounce of practice is worth more than a tonne of theory."
0:06:39 > 0:06:42And I've literally only just thought of this,
0:06:42 > 0:06:45but maybe Rob and I could be the bride and groom?
0:06:45 > 0:06:48- Wow, Lily. You'd do that for me? - Yeah!
0:06:49 > 0:06:51I mean, anything to help you out.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52SHE GIGGLES
0:07:00 > 0:07:02And in answer to, "Why should your school be awarded
0:07:02 > 0:07:05"this science grant?" you've written,
0:07:05 > 0:07:08"I don't know, but I can gargle the National Anthem."
0:07:09 > 0:07:11I'd like an explanation for this.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Sorry, I need total concentration when I do facial hair.
0:07:15 > 0:07:21Mrs Griggs, may I remind you again that you are a professional teacher.
0:07:21 > 0:07:22That's right, and you're not.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25So, if there's nothing else, I'd like to return to my beards.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28I may not have a qualification, but I could teach just as well as you.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30I know, Horace, that was funny.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31KNOCK AT DOOR
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Quel dommage, looks like that's the end of our meeting.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35Enter!
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- Am I interrupting something important?- No.- Yes.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44I've come to ask for a bit of help.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46I've got this presentation thingy,
0:07:46 > 0:07:49but public speaking isn't really my strong point.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53And Jas always says what great presentations you give in assembly.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56So, I was wondering if you'd consider teaching me?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Oh, I'd love to help, Mr Salford,
0:07:58 > 0:08:01but, unfortunately, I'm just too busy. Totally snowed under.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03No bother, I'll...
0:08:03 > 0:08:05I could teach you.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10I once addressed the UN for eight hours without a break.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13The secretary-general had to go to the lavatory in a bottle.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Actually, I'd be happy to help.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- I thought you were busy. - Oh, not any more.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- Look! - SPLAT!
0:08:20 > 0:08:24Anyway, it's probably best to leave this to the professionals.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26SQUELCHING
0:08:30 > 0:08:33If I told you to keep a really important secret,
0:08:33 > 0:08:34you would, wouldn't you?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- Yes, of course.- Good.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38I'm going to get Rob to agree to fake-marry me,
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- and you're not to say anything to him.- But...- Oh, too late.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43- You promised.- Oh, you're good.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Hi, Rob. I'm glad you're here,
0:08:48 > 0:08:50because I had an idea of something really fun
0:08:50 > 0:08:52that we could do together.
0:08:52 > 0:08:53Cool, what is it.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Well, it's sort of a surprise.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- QUIETLY:- Rob, don't do it. Don't do it, Rob.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01- Can't you give me a clue?- OK.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Well, it involves going on a little walk.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06HARP MUSIC: Here Comes The Bride
0:09:14 > 0:09:16OK... What else?
0:09:19 > 0:09:22To have and to hold, from this day forward,
0:09:22 > 0:09:24for better or worse.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Then we'd have a chat.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29And tell each other stuff.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Resist the serpent's pull...
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Argh! ..is the name of a new computer game.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38So, we walk and tell each other stuff.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Doesn't sound that exciting, but whatever, I'm in.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Great!
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Another one bites the dust.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47It's a great old song.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Classic.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Today, I'm forgoing my usual
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Wednesday-morning juggling demonstration,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58to make way for a very special guest.
0:09:58 > 0:09:59Mr Salford.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02APPLAUSE
0:10:05 > 0:10:07HE BREATHES HARD
0:10:08 > 0:10:09HE SQUEAKS
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- I... - HE CROAKS
0:10:23 > 0:10:24ALL GROAN
0:10:24 > 0:10:26HE CHOKES
0:10:26 > 0:10:27Just pull yourself together, man.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Read what's in the cards.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- I would like to talk... - HE COUGHS
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Sorry.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43- I would like to talk... - HE CROAKS
0:10:43 > 0:10:44Come on, Dad, you can do this.
0:10:48 > 0:10:53# And did those feet in ancient time... #
0:10:53 > 0:10:56OK, you can't do this.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00- OUT OF TUNE: - # ..England's mountains green! #
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Great news!
0:11:03 > 0:11:06The last five minutes have been officially erased from history?
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Rob agreed to the wedding.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10So, it's time for...
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Wedding mood board!
0:11:12 > 0:11:14When did you make that?
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Um...
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Lily, how long have you had that for?
0:11:18 > 0:11:19- BREEZILY:- Not long! A little while!
0:11:19 > 0:11:24Anyway, the most important thing is, this wedding is go.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Nul points.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35What was that? What was with the singing?
0:11:35 > 0:11:38- I panicked.- Well, the whole thing was a complete disaster.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42What's that saying? "A poor teacher always blames her pupil"?
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Anyone would think that woman didn't have a job to go to.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47If you're not up to the task, I'd be more than happy to take over.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51Thank you, Mrs Fitzgerald, but I know exactly what to do.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Go back to basics.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Are you sure about this?
0:11:59 > 0:12:01You're too nervous performing in front of real people,
0:12:01 > 0:12:04so we'll practise with these. Because they're not real.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Or are they?
0:12:06 > 0:12:08HE GASPS
0:12:08 > 0:12:10"Well done, Mr Salford!
0:12:10 > 0:12:11"You're doing really well."
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Physical prowess.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16"He's terrible! If I had thumbs, I'd throw something at him!"
0:12:16 > 0:12:19SOBBING
0:12:19 > 0:12:23- Um... - "Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off!"
0:12:23 > 0:12:25SOBBING
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Whatever is the matter, Wendy, the Weeping Wallaby?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31She doesn't want to talk about it.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42Hi, Lily. Maybe we could get some food after our walk.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44There's this new Italian that's supposed to be good.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47What do you think about floral centrepieces?
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- Um...- I mean, do you think the whole outdoor-indoor thing
0:12:50 > 0:12:54has had its moment? Or is it all about Bohemian Aztec now?
0:12:54 > 0:12:57I understood some of those words, but only some...
0:12:57 > 0:12:59And what about posies?
0:12:59 > 0:13:03Should they match the buttonholes or contrast?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05I think I'm just going to...
0:13:07 > 0:13:09I'm having a floral crisis.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11SARCASTICALLY: Oh, no, what will we do?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16NORMALLY: I mean, oh, no, what will we do?
0:13:16 > 0:13:19I actually had a really good idea for the centrepieces.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22OK, well, it's my special day, so...
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Actually, that is really tasteful.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28It gets better. Watch.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31CLICK! DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Martin, what have I told you about crying in the office?
0:13:42 > 0:13:45You need to get a grip. I will be there as soon as I can.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47The traffic is terrible!
0:13:47 > 0:13:48Beep-beep, honk-honk!
0:13:48 > 0:13:52Sheep loose on the road. There's nothing I can do. Baaa, baaaa.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Anyway. I have to go. I wouldn't want to hit a sheep.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58I heard that Mr Salford is doing a presentation in front of a class.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00I demand to be there!
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Huh, if you absolutely insist.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04He's in room B15.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Down to the end of the corridor, right, right again, left,
0:14:06 > 0:14:10then third door on the right. But hurry, he's about to start.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Please pay attention for a very important announcement.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22APPLAUSE
0:14:25 > 0:14:27HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:14:27 > 0:14:29HE DOES VOCAL WARM-UPS
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Um...
0:14:36 > 0:14:39The toilets in the Science Block are out of order.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42Please use the ones in the PE Block instead.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46APPLAUSE
0:14:48 > 0:14:50We've got something huge to discuss.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Yes, the Cuban Missile Crisis.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53No.
0:14:56 > 0:14:57Lily's dress crisis.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Abandon the worksheet to discuss your dress?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04This is what delinquents do.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08These dresses are nice, but why does it always have to be a dress?
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Wouldn't it be brilliant if a bride
0:15:10 > 0:15:13wore some really cool customised dungarees? Or a squirrel costume?
0:15:13 > 0:15:15No, it wouldn't. Because the dress
0:15:15 > 0:15:18is the most important part of the special day.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21- What are you doing?- It's fine.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- What's this? - What it feels like to be an outlaw.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33It's a project for PSHE.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- I'm organising a wedding. - A fake wedding.
0:15:36 > 0:15:41Who cares? Fake, real, to an ageing millionaire with heart problems.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43I love them all!
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Who's officiating at this special day?
0:15:45 > 0:15:49I don't know yet. It's number 84 on my to-do list.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Let me do it. I'm fully qualified.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Well, I printed off a certificate I found online,
0:15:54 > 0:15:56so it's practically the same thing.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Good. At least something about this wedding will be done properly.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Yes. Yes.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06- We haven't finished talking about dresses.- Really?
0:16:06 > 0:16:09It feels like we've been talking about dresses since the Stone Age.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Well, I haven't approved the bridesmaid's dress.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Why can't you just see it tomorrow on the special...
0:16:14 > 0:16:17- On the wedding day?- Did you really just ask that question?
0:16:17 > 0:16:19So, Jas, do you have your dress ready for inspection?
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Yeah, totally. All ready.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Good, because nothing can be left to chance.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Olly, have you got a minute?
0:16:32 > 0:16:34I wanted to ask your advice about girls.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36HE LAUGHS
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Yeah.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43- Oh, you're serious.- I asked Lily if she wanted to go out for pizza,
0:16:43 > 0:16:45like in a proper restaurant, not a takeaway.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47A romantic meal sort of thing.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50But she acted all weird, just stared at me.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Do you think I shouldn't have asked her?
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Maybe she had something else in mind for the two of you.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Something bigger.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00- Burgers!- No.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01- Thai?- No.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- Not Mexican. I already tried that. - Same first letter.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Mmmmm...
0:17:06 > 0:17:07Maaaa...
0:17:07 > 0:17:13- Moroccan.- Look, all I'm saying is, she's definitely not going off you.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Maybe Indian.
0:17:15 > 0:17:16Oh! Welsh!
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Everyone likes tacos, right?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25If anyone knows of any reason why these two eggs
0:17:25 > 0:17:28should not be whisked together, let them speak now.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Then, by the power vested in me by the internet, I...
0:17:33 > 0:17:35DOOR OPENS
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Are you still here? I thought you'd finally gone to work.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40That room you sent me to was the boiler room.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Oh, dear. My mistake.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44KNOCK AT DOOR
0:17:44 > 0:17:45Ah, the conquering hero!
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Full sentences with all the words in the right order.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49I was on fire.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Do you think I'm ready to face the hockey board tomorrow?
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Almost, but not quite.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56There is one final test, the ultimate test.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59You must do a speech at Lillian and Rob's fake wedding.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01- No!- Fear not, Mr Salford.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Together, we can do it. Team huddle!
0:18:05 > 0:18:08That's right! Together, we can do it.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10- No. - THEY GRUNT
0:18:10 > 0:18:11- No!- No!
0:18:11 > 0:18:13No huddle!
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Where is she?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19We said seven o'clock.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22I don't think she realises how important this dress is
0:18:22 > 0:18:25and if Jas has done a Jas, I am going to...
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Prepared to be amazed!
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Seriously, wait till you see this.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Jas, I swear, if you come in wearing a clown costume,
0:18:34 > 0:18:35I'm going to scream.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37# Ta-da! #
0:18:38 > 0:18:40What...is that?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42A dress. Like you said.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45It is made of crisp packets.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Well, I think it's lovely.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Look at those capped sleeves.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Cheese-and-chive twirls!
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- TIGHTLY:- It is made of crisp packets!
0:18:54 > 0:18:57The front bit is stunning.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58Giant cheesy puffs.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02And the...flappy bit at the back. RUSTLING
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Roast chicken and...
0:19:05 > 0:19:09It is made of crisp packets and this is meant to be my special day!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11SHOUTS ECHO, CROWS CAW
0:19:13 > 0:19:15OK, so read that out, nice and loud.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18"Others will deepen and grow..."
0:19:18 > 0:19:19- No.- No?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21THEY ARGUE INDISTINCTLY
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Do you promise to remember that this is a fake wedding,
0:19:23 > 0:19:26- not a real one?- Yes.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29"It's, of course, a celebration not just of..."
0:19:29 > 0:19:30I can only read one of these at a time.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33And do you promise to remember that this fake wedding
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- is to help Jas, not you?- Yes.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37So...
0:19:37 > 0:19:39So... Ha-ha, yes, mwah!
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Stop it, please. Stop it. Now, lift your head.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45And, finally, do you promise to never use the phrase,
0:19:45 > 0:19:47"my special day" ever again?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49But...!
0:19:50 > 0:19:51Fine.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53"Today is, of course..."
0:19:53 > 0:19:55So, tomorrow, we're having a wedding.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57What have you written?
0:19:57 > 0:19:58THEY ARGUE AND GRUNT
0:19:58 > 0:20:01CARDS FLAP
0:20:20 > 0:20:23CHURCH BELLS RING
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Martha, would it be OK if we left?
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Yes, because we don't want to be here.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36What Cassie meant is, we're in the middle of a fascinating project,
0:20:36 > 0:20:38mapping the life cycle of the blowfly.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41And so we don't want to be here.
0:20:41 > 0:20:42I totally sympathise.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45There is nothing more annoying than when someone's emotional needs
0:20:45 > 0:20:50get in the way of science. But, I promise, this will all be over soon.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52All we need now is Lily.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Well, and a groom.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55Olly's taking care of that.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Lily wants me to wear this for our walk around the school field?
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- She does. - So, it's like a nature walk?
0:21:03 > 0:21:04HE SIGHS
0:21:04 > 0:21:06She also wants you to wear this.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09It's a nature and magic walk.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11No! How many clues do you need?!
0:21:13 > 0:21:14Ah, here we go.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Get it now?
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Hey, nice dress, Lily.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32But is white a good colour for a nature walk?
0:21:32 > 0:21:34I'm almost ready.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37I just need you to wait in there for a minute.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38Hang on a minute.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Is this a wedding?
0:21:40 > 0:21:41- HE GASPS - Finally!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43It's really not a big deal, Rob,
0:21:43 > 0:21:45and it's not even legally binding.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47At least, I don't think so.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50This will all be a lot easier if you don't struggle.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54MUSIC: Wedding March by Mendelssohn
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Jas!
0:22:04 > 0:22:06You look lovely.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07We just need our bouquets.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14QUIET MEWLING
0:22:14 > 0:22:17- What?- Lily, remember your promise.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19You know, I absolutely love kittens,
0:22:19 > 0:22:22and I thought, "Who says you have to carry flowers?"
0:22:22 > 0:22:24- GRITTED:- Yeah. Who says?
0:22:42 > 0:22:44MUSIC POWERS DOWN
0:22:44 > 0:22:46MEOWING
0:22:48 > 0:22:50MURMURING
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- KITTEN PURRS - I can't believe it.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57- You've ruined my special day! - ECHOING:- Special day! Special day!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Come on, Rob. We're leaving.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03- Don't go.- I'm sorry, Jas, but without a bride and groom,
0:23:03 > 0:23:07- there's no wedding.- Nonsense! You and Olly can take their place!
0:23:07 > 0:23:09- No.- Not under any circumstances.
0:23:09 > 0:23:10None.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Just speak from the heart.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19OK. I'll go first.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Um...
0:23:21 > 0:23:26I promise never to try and make you throw a javelin, even as a joke.
0:23:26 > 0:23:31I promise to use correct grammar and punctuation, even in texts.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33I promise never to mispronounce,
0:23:33 > 0:23:36"parastratiosphecomyia stratiosphecomyioides".
0:23:36 > 0:23:39And I promise always to replace your four-colour biro
0:23:39 > 0:23:43in the designated section in your pencil case after borrowing it.
0:23:43 > 0:23:44SHE CHUCKLES
0:23:44 > 0:23:46It's perfect. It's just perfect.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48SHE SNIFFLES
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Just when you think you've started to understand people...
0:23:51 > 0:23:54..Something comes along to skew your results.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58And so we find ourselves almost at the end of our celebrations.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01All that remains is to hear a speech about the happy couple
0:24:01 > 0:24:03from Mr Salford.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08I can't do my speech. It's about Lily and Rob, not Olly and Martha!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10- Just switch the names!- Switch the names? OK, switch the names...
0:24:10 > 0:24:13- APPLAUSE - Switch the names, er...
0:24:16 > 0:24:19OK, well, welcome everyone.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23We're here to celebrate the marriage of...
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Er...
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Olly...
0:24:27 > 0:24:31Olly always dreamed about marrying the love of his life...
0:24:32 > 0:24:36..until he realised he couldn't marry a football.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38CONFUSED MURMURS
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Oh, he's talking about Rob!
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Olly's rubbish at football.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I really am.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48And... Switch the names, switch the names. Switch the names.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51And, as for Martha,
0:24:51 > 0:24:56who, like her name, is L for lively,
0:24:56 > 0:24:58I for imaginative...
0:25:01 > 0:25:04I can't do this. I'm sorry, I can't do this. I can't...
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Perhaps I can help.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10This woman must leave immediately!
0:25:10 > 0:25:13I'll do no such thing. I'm an invited guest.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16And may I say, Lily, exquisite invites.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Now, if you'll just let me have a look at your cards,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20I'll have you right back on track.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23I'll have a look at the cards, thank you, Mrs Fitzgerald!
0:25:23 > 0:25:25BOTH GRUNT
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Ah!
0:25:27 > 0:25:28MURMURS
0:25:28 > 0:25:31That's it! I quit!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33How can I do this without the cards?
0:25:33 > 0:25:36How can I talk about the time Olly and Martha
0:25:36 > 0:25:39entered the school talent contest with a rap
0:25:39 > 0:25:41- about the formation of igneous rock? - LAUGHTER
0:25:41 > 0:25:45Or when they were seven, and they wanted to change their names legally
0:25:45 > 0:25:46to Hydrogen and Oxygen?
0:25:46 > 0:25:48LAUGHTER
0:25:48 > 0:25:49How can I do that without the cards?
0:25:49 > 0:25:51But you ARE doing it, Dad.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Carry on!
0:25:53 > 0:25:58Well, there was that time that they decided to create plutonium.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01And that's why they were both banned from show and tell!
0:26:01 > 0:26:03LAUGHTER
0:26:03 > 0:26:04I could go on and on.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- You already have. - But I'll end by saying
0:26:07 > 0:26:12that this whole event is about love. Love and friendship.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17And when all's said and done, that's what's important.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22Hey, I'm sorry for trying to take over.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25- It's OK.- You're going to need your kitten to walk down the aisle.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28You know, I think I realise why kittens instead of bouquets
0:26:28 > 0:26:32never really caught on. Can I borrow your flowers?
0:26:32 > 0:26:33MUSIC: Wedding March by Mendelssohn
0:26:38 > 0:26:41APPLAUSE
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Will you promise to never, ever mention weddings to me again?
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Well, not for a long time, anyway?
0:27:00 > 0:27:01I promise.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04And you definitely do want to go for pizza with me, right?
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Totally. I mean, if you do.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08I do.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10- Just say that again.- I do.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14SHE SIGHS
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Before I head off for my presentation,
0:27:18 > 0:27:20I want to thank you for all your help.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23- BOTH:- You're welcome. He was talking to me!
0:27:23 > 0:27:26I was talking to both of you. You actually make a really good team.
0:27:28 > 0:27:29So, I'm off.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34And I can do this. Nothing can go wrong now.
0:27:34 > 0:27:35FABRIC RIPS
0:27:38 > 0:27:41- Let's not say anything. - Not our department.