0:00:20 > 0:00:21BELL RINGS
0:00:21 > 0:00:24OMG, Sades.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27- Jades.- So, you know, like, what's hot?- What? What's hot?
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Vampires and werewolves are so hot right now.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Oh, vampires and werewolves are so hot right now.
0:00:32 > 0:00:37Books and computer games, hats and vampires and werewolves are so hot.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Imagine you had a boyfriend that was a vampire
0:00:39 > 0:00:42- or a werewolf like Robert Pattinson from Twilight.- Like R Patz?
0:00:42 > 0:00:44It's so hot right now to say R Patz.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48If you had a vampire or a werewolf boyfriend, your dad would be like,
0:00:48 > 0:00:51"You're not wearing that mini skirt to the zoo,
0:00:51 > 0:00:52"it's not a fashion parade."
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Robert Pattinson would totally, like, eat him.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56Like, so totally eat him.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00He'd, like, go and sit in a tree and be all brooding and lush and like...
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Your mum would be, like, totally vexed.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Even though it is totally in his nature to do that.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07She'd still be, like, really miffed.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09She said if I get into anymore trouble,
0:01:09 > 0:01:11I'm not allowed to, like, get my ears pierced.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Robert Pattinson is so lame. I actually call him R Pants,
0:01:17 > 0:01:19because he's actually like a pair of pants. Like, rubbish.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23I'm so over R Pants and totes like vampires and werewolves.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24They're so not hot.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27- So not hot.- So.- Not.- Hot.- Urgh.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31If you want my advice,
0:01:31 > 0:01:36never bet a friend you can eat soup whilst jumping on a trampoline!
0:01:39 > 0:01:41I don't need croutons!
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Right. I'll put the kettle on.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52Oh! Did you put that mouse trap down like I asked?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54I put one in the dining room last night.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59And it was definitely a mouse trap you put down?
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Well, of course. What other traps are there?
0:02:05 > 0:02:09"Mrs Gigglesworth of 53 St John's Avenue trap".
0:02:09 > 0:02:12There really are some specific ones, aren't there?
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Take it back to the shop and get the right one, will you?
0:02:15 > 0:02:19This is so embarrassing. I'm sorry about this, Mrs Gigglesworth.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23- My husband's bought the wrong type of trap - again.- Sorry.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Oh, don't worry about it, dear. This always happens. I said...
0:02:27 > 0:02:29What shall I do with her?
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Just put her over the back fence, I reckon.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34..was it Tuesday? No, it was Wednesday.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37I said to my Bill, "No matter how many times I say..."
0:02:37 > 0:02:40MOUSE LAUGHS
0:02:40 > 0:02:42I just feel this odd tension all the time.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46- Can you describe it? - Well, it's all over my body, really.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48I can't seem to do anything right
0:02:48 > 0:02:51and I just feel self-conscious all the time.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Can I stop you there? Thank you, I think we've heard enough.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55For me, that was just dull.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59I have to disagree with you. I thought it was phenomenal.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02The way that he made the symptoms his own, I totally believed him.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Well, I really like him. I think you could go all the way.
0:03:05 > 0:03:10- It looks like you've got celebrity judges.- I think you're wrong.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Is there anything you can do?
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Is that a referral to a specialist?
0:03:14 > 0:03:17No, you've made it through to boot camp. Good luck.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22Emily and Monty Forest are deep into rehearsal for their very own show.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26The script is written, they've got their cast, they're set.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30Now they need to choose which one of them will also direct the show
0:03:30 > 0:03:32that they hope will catapult them into the stratosphere.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34As we speak, Emily and Monty
0:03:34 > 0:03:37are using every ounce of their theatrical knowledge
0:03:37 > 0:03:39to decide who has the best skills for the job.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44So, here we go. One, two, three...
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- Cats!- Oliver!- Cats eat gruel.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Emily, Monty, what are you guys up to?
0:03:51 > 0:03:55We're just playing a game of Cats, Oliver, Wicked.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Where Cats beats Oliver
0:03:57 > 0:03:59and Wicked beats Cats with magic
0:03:59 > 0:04:01and Wicked beats Oliver with magic.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03So, Wicked would win every time?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- Yeah, because of the magic. - Magic beats everything.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Why don't you just choose Wicked every time?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Cats eat gruel.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19And we're playing a game of Cats, Oliver, Wicked
0:04:19 > 0:04:22to decide who's going to direct today's rehearsal.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- And Monty...- Mew!
0:04:25 > 0:04:29..has won. So today could be kind of exciting. Hmm?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Has he got a lot of experience with directing?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35I've been directing now since...
0:04:35 > 0:04:37- Monday.- Monday. Which went great.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40I had it stop, have a bit of a lie down. Windy pops.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41Whole-wheat bagel, havoc.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Well, listen, we don't want to get in your way.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Why don't you get on with the show?
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Thank you, a bit of space.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Mr Bloomstock, I'm so glad I found you.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55I've got a script and I think you're really going to love it.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- How was that?- Great.- Yeah?
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Great, I'm going to get you to go again, similar,
0:05:00 > 0:05:02but a little bit more Spanish!
0:05:02 > 0:05:06SPANISH ACCENT: Senor Bloomstock, I'm so glad to have found you.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09I've got a script for you, you're really going to love.
0:05:09 > 0:05:14Stop there. OK. We'll go again, this time I want you to put a limp in.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Senor Bloomstock, I'm so glad to have found you.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22I've got a script for you you're really going to love.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23That is very, very good, Emily.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27- Yeah?- Very good. Explore it again, only in a much bigger big hat.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Senor Bloomstock, I'm so glad to have found you. I brought you a script...
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Good. Good, good. Yes.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Go again, this time eating cake.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Senor Bloomstock...
0:05:40 > 0:05:42She's on the phone, go!
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Senor Bloomstock, I'm so glad...
0:05:47 > 0:05:48In a strong wind.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Senor Bloomstock...
0:05:51 > 0:05:54And on a trampette.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Senor Bloomstock.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58I'm so glad I've found you.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00I've got a script I know you're going to love.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Do you know, I think you're doing too much. I do.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07I think that the character's simpler than that. Just try simple.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09I'm really glad I've found you.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12I've got a script I know you're going to love.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14That's the one.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16We've found it. Wonderful.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17Wonderful. Good work.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Take five, everybody. Five.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30Oh, no! I haven't finished getting all the dust and debris
0:06:30 > 0:06:32off this brilliant dinosaur fossil.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35This is my last day in the museum before I fly off to Kuala Lumpur
0:06:35 > 0:06:37and this was my last brush.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41My career in archaeology is ruined.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Maybe my bees can help?
0:06:43 > 0:06:44What?
0:06:44 > 0:06:47I said, maybe my bees can help?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Sorry, I don't think I understand.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53It is a little known fact that bees have a keen interest in archaeology.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Did you know that bees discovered the first triceratops?
0:06:56 > 0:07:00Although, being bees, they couldn't tell anyone.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02- Right.- I'll give my bees some simple instructions
0:07:02 > 0:07:05and they will fly to your aid, my archaeologist friend.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Really?- For sure.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Using their tiny delicate wings,
0:07:10 > 0:07:13my bees will gather around your precious fossil
0:07:13 > 0:07:16and blow away the dust and debris
0:07:16 > 0:07:18without harming your prehistoric artefact one bit.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20They'd do that for me?
0:07:20 > 0:07:22- How can I thank them? - They don't need your thanks.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25The simple progress of archaeologist is thanks enough.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Maybe a few vouchers.
0:07:27 > 0:07:28To business!
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Or, as these bees, would say, to bizzness!
0:07:31 > 0:07:34I will just give them a few brief instructions.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Bzzz...Lovely archaeologist.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Bzzz...Substandard brush.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Bzzz...Help him win the archaeology prize.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43Ooh, almost forgot.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45BUZZ!
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Now fly, my pollen-obsessed beauties.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53No! No!
0:07:55 > 0:07:56Just the debris. Not my face!
0:07:56 > 0:08:00For the archaeology. No, not me.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01Found another brush.
0:08:01 > 0:08:02Bad bees!
0:08:02 > 0:08:05No, blow the debris away! Don't sting my face!
0:08:05 > 0:08:07The Zombie News Network,
0:08:07 > 0:08:11bringing you the latest zombie news, 24 hours a day.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Sports news now, and Zombie Golf Open got underway today
0:08:17 > 0:08:21with Unknown Male currently the favourite to take the title.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Interesting technique.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Not sure it's going to help his game.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Ben, have you seen the hairbrush?
0:08:36 > 0:08:39We can't go till you've brushed your hair.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Oh, Mum. Where did you last see it?
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Try down the back of the sofa.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Argh!
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Oh, this is a great merry-go-round.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02It's a lovely horse.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Are you sure it's a horse?
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Of course it's a horse!
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Oh!
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- Hello.- Tony take it.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- I need that now.- OK.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Thanks.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Tony take it! It's mine! It's mine!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21I think he means it's his.
0:09:21 > 0:09:26- No, it's mine! It's mine! It's mine. - I thought you said I could have it?
0:09:26 > 0:09:32You can have the stick, but I'll keep the candy floss.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Oh, yeah, I love it.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Chocolate flavour!
0:09:38 > 0:09:39That's not candy floss.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42You can have some candy floss.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45No. That's all right, mate.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49Oh, no! No, he's taken the stick!
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Did you tell him we just want the candy floss?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54It's always my fault, isn't it? It is your fault.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Found it!
0:10:01 > 0:10:05You need it, too. Look at the state of you.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Now, where did I put those car keys?
0:10:08 > 0:10:13Tony take it! Ha ha!
0:10:14 > 0:10:17This will do it.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Oh, you, little man.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Isn't he lovely?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Afternoon, how can I help?
0:10:22 > 0:10:25We would love to buy one of your washing machines, please.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Yes, I'm absolutely fed up of washing my smalls by hand.
0:10:28 > 0:10:29Yes, it takes her three days.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32I have to bang the stains out with a chair leg.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35So, if you could just pop one of these on our account.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37- These aren't for sale, I'm afraid. - Why ever not?
0:10:37 > 0:10:41- What sort of a washing machine shop is this?- A rubbish one!- No, sorry.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Ladies, this is a launderette.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46- For people who don't have a machine at home.- Well, how does that work?
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Yes, I can't imagine they strip off
0:10:49 > 0:10:52and wash their clothes standing there stark naked!
0:10:52 > 0:10:56Standing about in the street with no clothes on at all? The very idea!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58We'd get arrested every time.
0:10:58 > 0:10:59We can't risk it again.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02No, I can't do time. Not with this pretty face.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06No. You wear something different while you washing your clothes.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Very good idea. I could wear your clothes.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Yes, and I could wear yours, Jasmine.
0:11:11 > 0:11:16- Hang on. How will we get them clean? - You didn't think of that, did you?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19You wear different clothes while you washed yours. You do have some?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21I could wear my old bridal gown.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Let's not think of that terrible day.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Oh, no. Let's not think of it.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27So, then what?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Put your powder and conditioner in here, come to the driers,
0:11:30 > 0:11:31put your money...
0:11:31 > 0:11:35Oh, oh, oh, shut your face.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- Terminate.- You put money in?- Money? - Taxable, twinkling treasury tokens.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43- Big bucks, bonus bonanza, banana bling-bling?- Nothing's free today.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47No. Apart from the ketchup they give you in the burger shop.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- I filled my bath with that.- No good for bathing. Can't get a lather up.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Even if you get clean, you're all red and stink of tomatoes.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56This machine won't come cheap, I'd have thought.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58You'll pay a pretty penny for the powder too.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Double for the creamy conditioner.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03You shove pound after pound into its greedy slot,
0:12:03 > 0:12:04just to get it going.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06And extra if you want it to stop.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09There wouldn't be much change out of £1,000,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- when all's said and done.- £1,000?! - I'd say about £1,000.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Well, it's ridiculous. £1,000 is too much!
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Ladies, a standard wash is £2.70.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19£1,000, I knew it!
0:12:19 > 0:12:20£1,000 is absurd!
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Much too much! It is crackers Lady Gaga cuckoo.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Just to watch my smalls being spun about in your wish-wash.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Yes. Come, Jasmine. Let us fly to Milan.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33There we shall get an expert tailor to run us up 800 duplicate copies
0:12:33 > 0:12:37of the same outfit so we can throw them away every single day.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39I hope you spot something in a drier,
0:12:39 > 0:12:41watch it go around and when you wake up
0:12:41 > 0:12:43you're hypnotised and think you're in Girls Aloud.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Yes! Good day!
0:12:49 > 0:12:54And now the moment we've been waiting for all year long,
0:12:54 > 0:12:56mother's Christmas cake.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00She has been slaving over it since June.
0:13:00 > 0:13:05It is an amazing cake and I have the honour of cutting the first slice.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08Hurrah!
0:13:09 > 0:13:10CLINKING
0:13:10 > 0:13:12CLINKING
0:13:12 > 0:13:13That's odd.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19He's right, it's an amazing cake.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Icing's a bit salty, though.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25What?
0:13:33 > 0:13:37So, I said to Iona, "If you think you're going out
0:13:37 > 0:13:39"pillaging dressed like that,
0:13:39 > 0:13:41"you've got another think coming."
0:13:41 > 0:13:45Chief! Chief! I have tremendous news again.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Now, hang on, Sven. If this tremendous news is that
0:13:48 > 0:13:51you've stepped in dog poo again, tell us from outside the hut.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55No, Chief. It's a package from my cousin Bruce, in Australia.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Oh, well, that is marvellous. Yes.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Also, I have stepped in some dog poo.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04What did your cousin Bruce send you?
0:14:04 > 0:14:09I have no idea. Although I think it might be a corner. Or an L.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13Don't keep us waiting, let's see what it is. We could do with an new L.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Ooh!
0:14:16 > 0:14:19You'd better let me have that, Sven. You're a very foolish Viking
0:14:19 > 0:14:23and you'll probably knock Olaf's horns off with it or something.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Look, Bruce has left a note with the parcel.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Perhaps it is instructions.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30"Dear Sven, I hope you are well.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34"You are the best Viking in the world."
0:14:34 > 0:14:35Does it really say that, Sven?
0:14:35 > 0:14:37- I don't know. I can't read.- Oh,
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Sven! You're impossible
0:14:40 > 0:14:43with your mysterious wooden L and your dog pooey feet.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45I'll take this silly present
0:14:45 > 0:14:47from your cousin and I'll throw it away.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Well, anyway...
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Argh!
0:15:00 > 0:15:04What wicked witchcraft is this? Why, this L has returned.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Throw it away, Chief!
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Anyway, so, yes. I said, I said to Iona, "You know what,
0:15:12 > 0:15:15"when you've got your own hut, you can wear what you like."
0:15:15 > 0:15:19- "But until then, you're very much here..."- Argh!
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Throw it away again! Get rid of it!
0:15:21 > 0:15:25By the love of the gods!
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Sticky Martin.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30He's got the stickiest hands in the world.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34APPLAUSE
0:15:58 > 0:16:00BOOING
0:16:00 > 0:16:02So, this is where you'll be working.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Right, thanks.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06And thanks for giving me the job.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09No problem. We're very happy to have you here on the team.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12It gets pretty busy at lunch times, as you can imagine.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15It's best if you familiarise yourself with how things work now.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19Will do. So, what am I doing first?
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Flipping the burgers?
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Uh, no. We thought it might be best
0:16:25 > 0:16:28if you started off here, making the milkshakes.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Oh. OK.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33But, presumably I'm going to be doing other stuff later.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34Cooking the fries, maybe?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Maybe not.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40You see, it is probably best if you just stay handling the cold drinks.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41Smoothies, ice cubes.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- Why would you think that? - No... No reason.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Well, why can't I work at the grill?
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- Well, it's just... - Is this a snowman thing?
0:16:48 > 0:16:51No, no. Absolutely not. Absolutely not.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54You won't give me the good jobs cos I'm not as good as everyone else?
0:16:54 > 0:16:56No, no, not at all. Please calm down.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59This sounds suspiciously like discrimination to me!
0:16:59 > 0:17:03Which, I'm sure I don't need to remind you, is against the law.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06It's just that grill tends to get quite hot.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09I can flip burgers just as well as anyone else.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Yo! Ice-Ice Freezey.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15Can we get two more burgers over here, please? Thank you.
0:17:15 > 0:17:20- Certainly. Two burgers coming up. - Careful, mind!
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Milkshakes, you say?
0:17:30 > 0:17:33That does sound like a lot of fun, now that I think about it.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36Jasper!
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Have you seen my dog?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- No, sorry.- I turned my back for a minute and he's just gone.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46He's quite big, he's white with black spots.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Et voila, one tent.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50- Great, one bone.- Oh, cheers.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Oh, is that him?
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Oh, yes it is. Jasper! You naughty boy!
0:17:56 > 0:17:58What?! I was just helping to put a tent up.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01- What?- I mean, woof.
0:18:01 > 0:18:02Definitely, woof!
0:18:07 > 0:18:10I'm home! What's going on?
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Happy Philippe Day!
0:18:17 > 0:18:20- Happy what?- Philippe Day. I thought we'd have a special party
0:18:20 > 0:18:22to celebrate Philippe staying with us.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Why? He's been here 20 years.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26He's our special guest.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Guest? He's your French exchange student
0:18:29 > 0:18:32and he was only supposed to stay for two weeks.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35I thought it would be a bit of fun. Actually, it was his idea.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Yeah, I'm sure it was.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Last month we had a party for his birthday. Then it was Bastille Day.
0:18:41 > 0:18:46Here we go. The very man. Happy Philippe Day!
0:18:46 > 0:18:47Merci. Merci bien.
0:18:47 > 0:18:52Now, I have prepared a trio of smoked sausages on a bed of sausages.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56Very sausage-heavy dish. But nothing's too good for Philippe Day!
0:18:56 > 0:18:58You have got for me a present?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01No. I didn't know it was your stupid Philippe Day.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03I can't believe you've made this up.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05I am French. I do what I like.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Yes, well, I'm sick of it.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10I'm going to tell Dad that you can speak English
0:19:10 > 0:19:12and you should go home...
0:19:12 > 0:19:16Hurrah! My trio of party sausages. What's going on here?
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Philippe can speak Eng...
0:19:18 > 0:19:19HORN TOOTS
0:19:22 > 0:19:28I was, um, think perhaps Danny makes for a song me?
0:19:28 > 0:19:32Oh, yes! Sing a song for you. Yes, that is a wonderful idea.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34In French, of course.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37- No!- Bien sur.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Peut-etre, Frere Jacques?
0:19:40 > 0:19:42- I don't even know the words. - Come on, Danny.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51# Frere Jacques...
0:19:51 > 0:19:55# Ferrero...Rocher...
0:19:55 > 0:19:59# Bo-be-loo-ber see-duh...
0:19:59 > 0:20:03# Jeh bleh-bleh. #
0:20:03 > 0:20:08Well done, Danny, that was absolutely...adequate.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12Look, I've got a rather special surprise for Philippe.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Pour moi? Un cadeau for Philippe Day?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17No, c'est n'est pas vrai...
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Oh! C'est pour le MP trois?
0:20:20 > 0:20:22- Non, la music dance! - Hang on, isn't that mine?
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Well, I didn't think you would mind if I gave it to Philippe.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Don't worry, I wiped all your music
0:20:28 > 0:20:31and replaced it with jaunty accordion songs.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35# Philippe Day, Philippe Day, Philippe Day, Philippe Day... #
0:20:35 > 0:20:38I'll get you, Philippe Lavavasuer!
0:20:42 > 0:20:43Er, which floor?
0:20:43 > 0:20:4420.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45Ha, me too!
0:20:53 > 0:20:55LOUD CHEWING
0:20:57 > 0:20:58Excuse me?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Excuse me?
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Um, would you mind just not chewing quite so loudly,
0:21:03 > 0:21:04it is quite annoying.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES
0:21:31 > 0:21:33HE COUGHS
0:21:36 > 0:21:39SHE BELCHES
0:21:39 > 0:21:40Witch!
0:21:40 > 0:21:41She's a witch!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Witch! Witch! Witch!
0:21:46 > 0:21:47Witch! Witch!
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Witch! Witch! Witch!
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Witch...Witch...
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Witch! Witch!
0:21:54 > 0:21:55Ha ha ha!
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch!
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch!
0:22:00 > 0:22:04Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch...
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Witch! Witch! Witch...
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Oh, um, sorry, could somebody press ground floor?
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Sorry, sorry, it shouldn't take too long.
0:22:21 > 0:22:26Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch...
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch...
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Awww!
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Mum! Dad!
0:22:38 > 0:22:41I'm going to my music exam.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42We know.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Oh! What are you doing?
0:22:44 > 0:22:46You didn't think we'd let you go
0:22:46 > 0:22:48without wishing you good luck, did you?
0:22:48 > 0:22:49All right, thanks.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Because you'll need all of the luck you can get.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56There's going to be a lot of pressure in there, a lot of pressure.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58- I can handle it.- Can you?
0:22:58 > 0:22:59- Boo!- Ah!
0:22:59 > 0:23:04Imagine the tension, the pounding heart, the sweaty fingers,
0:23:04 > 0:23:07so sweaty they slip at the wrong moment and then wrong note!
0:23:07 > 0:23:11Game over, exam failed, all that time and effort wasted
0:23:11 > 0:23:13like a Scotch egg at a vegetarian picnic.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Right, well, it doesn't really matter if I fail.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17It really does.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19So humiliating.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- Why are you saying this? - We're trying to help you.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24You'll pick me up after the exam?
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Gosh, no, we're staying here to listen to Jedward
0:23:27 > 0:23:31- live in concert on BBC Radio 15. - Real music!
0:23:31 > 0:23:37Right, well...well, I suppose I'll just stay and do that, then.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39That's the spirit, son.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40Quit while you're ahead.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42No!
0:23:42 > 0:23:46I'm going to do the music exam, and I'm going to do it really well!
0:23:46 > 0:23:48How pointlessly brave.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Frankly, if it all goes well,
0:23:50 > 0:23:52I'll wear a skirt and dance like a little girl.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01I'm back!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Oh, how did it go?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Brilliantly!
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I didn't just get grade A, I got grade 27.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11The examiners cried tears of musical gratitude
0:24:11 > 0:24:14and some top composers have made me a concerto,
0:24:14 > 0:24:16and they gave me a gold tuba!
0:24:16 > 0:24:17BOTH: Oh.
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Eh?
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Hello!
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Don't get up, you're probably expecting me.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43I'm here to break the record for the most time
0:24:43 > 0:24:46consecutively spent upright upon a unicycle.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Right, I'm sensing I know how this is going to end,
0:24:49 > 0:24:53but, let's just go through the motions, shall we?
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Emily, longest time on a unicycle, please.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00- Do you like salt and vinegar crisps? - No.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02PHONE RINGS
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Yes, hello?
0:25:03 > 0:25:04Right, yes. Thank you, Emily.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08The longest time spent on a unicycle
0:25:08 > 0:25:10is two days, 14 hours and 53 minutes.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11Easy!
0:25:11 > 0:25:15I'll have that beat in no time, don't you worry about me.
0:25:15 > 0:25:16Just get me unicycle.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23Here she is.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27I'm on it. Time that.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Well, that's not a unicycle.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Not a unicycle?!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34What is it, then?
0:25:34 > 0:25:35It's a piece of wood.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37- It's a piece of wood?- Yes.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40But I paid £500 for that!
0:25:40 > 0:25:43I've been training on this for weeks!
0:25:43 > 0:25:47Emily, bring in the office unicycle immediately.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49There we go, very swift.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52What's this?!
0:25:52 > 0:25:55What's that? Is that a unicycle? It's only got one wheel!
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Yes, that's because it's a UNIcycle.
0:25:57 > 0:25:58It's all wobbly!
0:25:58 > 0:26:01How do you expect me to stay on that for two days?
0:26:01 > 0:26:06- I don't, I expect you to fall off immediately.- Oh, right.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08Oh, I'll show you, Mr Immediately.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Eat this, your hat.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14OK, just give me a moment.
0:26:14 > 0:26:15How do you...
0:26:15 > 0:26:18There's is a way of doing it, clearly, isn't there?
0:26:18 > 0:26:20It's like fighting a snake!
0:26:20 > 0:26:23I will tame you!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25I will not let you win!
0:26:26 > 0:26:28How long was that?
0:26:28 > 0:26:31I'll be generous, no seconds.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35- What's the record? - Two days, 14 hours and 53 minutes.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Oh, so close!
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Probably stick with the wood.
0:26:41 > 0:26:42It's easier.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Excuse me! Hoo!
0:26:51 > 0:26:52Ho!
0:26:52 > 0:26:55What is that smell?!
0:27:00 > 0:27:01Do you mind?
0:27:01 > 0:27:02What is that?
0:27:02 > 0:27:04What?
0:27:04 > 0:27:06- Hair gel?- No.
0:27:06 > 0:27:07- Dirt?- No.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Oh, I've got it!
0:27:10 > 0:27:12It's tennis balls.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14Tell me you cannot smell tennis balls?
0:27:14 > 0:27:15What are you talking about?
0:27:30 > 0:27:31Game, set and match.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Watch out for them, love, don't trip.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38When's this bus!?
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Tony take it, it's mine.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47I'll get you, Philippe Lavavasuer.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Witch! She's a witch!
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Maybe my bees can help.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53In your imagination.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55- £1,000.- £1,000.