0:00:21 > 0:00:23Right, I'll put the kettle on.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27Ooh! Here, did you put that mouse trap down like I asked?
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Yeah. I put one in the dining room last night.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- And it was definitely...- Look, I know what you're going to ask.
0:00:34 > 0:00:39Yes, it was definitely a mouse trap. Not a wizard trap or a Viking trap.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42It was a M-O-U-S-E, mouse trap.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Look, I can prove it. Look.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49I got an extra large one just to be sure.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Right, you can deal with this. I'm off to work.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Yeah, well...
0:01:07 > 0:01:09HE GROANS
0:01:15 > 0:01:18SINISTER MUSIC
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Tell you what.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Why don't you just have the house?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I'll put myself out.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Squeak!
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Ah. Hello, Simon.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Hello, Headmaster. Governor.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54Simon, I should just let you know we are running out of time,
0:01:54 > 0:01:57- so I do hope you have a good stall to show us.- Yes. Yes, indeed.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- Very good. - Tremendous bit of fun here!
0:02:00 > 0:02:03And something for the player with the sweet tooth.
0:02:03 > 0:02:08- Ooh. Are those gobstoppers? - Yes, they are, Governor. Mostly.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12Guaranteed to give you over seven hours of lip-smacking pleasure.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16Simon, it's the word "most" that's giving me some concern here.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Yes, because you need to have some kind of element of chance.
0:02:19 > 0:02:24So what the customer will do is they will pay their ten pence
0:02:24 > 0:02:27and they will pick a delicious gobstopper from the tray,
0:02:27 > 0:02:35but 17 percent of these are in fact furiously fiery fireballs!
0:02:35 > 0:02:39Ooh! Sort of spicy, like a chilli? Something to make the tongue tingle?
0:02:39 > 0:02:44No, not at all! No, they are incredibly compacted fire.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47I call the game Great Balls Of Fire!
0:02:47 > 0:02:50So, who wants to choose
0:02:50 > 0:02:54a delicious fruity gobstopper? I won't even charge you ten pence.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58- Oh. Oh, I do like a gobstopper. - Perkins, no.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Come on! Have a bit of fun for once!
0:03:02 > 0:03:05No? OK, I'll show you.
0:03:06 > 0:03:11Hm, that looks blue. Yes. Blue for cold.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Is it... Is it a normal gobstopper?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Oooh!
0:03:25 > 0:03:27No, I think it was a hot one.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- So, will you let me know? - We'll let you know.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Come on, come on, out the way! Right!
0:03:40 > 0:03:45Hello! We'd like 12 chicken legs and a sack of stewing steak, please!
0:03:45 > 0:03:47And some black pudding for pudding!
0:03:47 > 0:03:51- Sorry, ladies, wrong shop.- I told you this wasn't the butcher, dear.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55The butcher is a huge, tall, very attractive man with a hat,
0:03:55 > 0:03:57- surrounded by meat! - We must have taken a wrong turn.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- What do you sell? - This is a pound shop.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- You sell pounds? - Don't be ridiculous, dear!
0:04:02 > 0:04:07You can't sell things by the pound! It's banned by the Euro-puro-peans.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10- It's all kilos and halos. - 16 centimetres to the furlong.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- Four miles to the ton!- Eight Garrys in a Bushell, apparently!
0:04:13 > 0:04:17- No, no, it's a pound shop.- We used to buy everything by the pound.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- Yes, a pound of sugar.- A pound of butter.- A pound of flour.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24- A pound of nails.- Mix it all up, horrible pizza.- Pointy!- Ow!
0:04:24 > 0:04:26No, no, we're a pound shop. Everything costs a pound.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- Everything?- Everything. - A pound?- A pound.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- This box full of soldier! - Yeah, a pound.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- This shampoo-flavoured hair fluid? - A pound.- He's trying to fox us.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38- Aren't you, Fantastic Mr Fox? - Hmm, foxy!
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Look at this. These biscuits are never a pound.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43- Not with all that packaging. - The picture.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- And the actual biscuits.- The extra words.- The biscuity quality.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- You won't get much change out of a thousand...- They're a pound.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- But... But...- I feel dizzy! I've got a head full of dubstep!
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Oh! Let's get this straight.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- Erm...how much is that? Is that a pound?- Yes.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06- This is a pound?- Yes.- Those are a pound?- Yes.- These here...- A pound.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09- Each one of those is a pound?- Yes. - That's a pound? That thing?- Yes.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13- This?- Yes.- These? That?- Yes.- That one?- Anything you want! A pound.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17- They're a pound.- What if I bought a thousand of these?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- In that case, it'd be a thousand pounds.- Ha-ha!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23- We knew it!- A thousand pounds? - A thousand pounds!
0:05:23 > 0:05:26- It's too much, a thousand pounds! - Disgusting, a thousand pounds!
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- Just for a thousand things that cost a pound each.- I won't pay it!
0:05:29 > 0:05:33- It's bazzy-la-la! A thousand pounds! - Only if you bought a thousand.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- A thousand pounds?- A thousand pounds!- It's not worth it!
0:05:37 > 0:05:40- You're an idiotic man and your shop is an idiot!- Come on!
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Let us go to the butchers and buy some dodo steaks
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- with a light diamond garnish.- I hope someone comes in with a pound coin
0:05:47 > 0:05:50- and, oddly, you find you haven't got the right change!- Ha-ha!
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Don't block my tweets!
0:05:55 > 0:05:57BELL RINGS
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- OMG, Sades?- Yeah, Jades? - You know what's hot right now?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- What's hot right now? - Prince Harry is so hot right now!
0:06:05 > 0:06:10Oh, Prince Harry is so hot right now! Cos he's, like, a royal.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Like, he's practically a king and he can totally
0:06:12 > 0:06:15get people's heads chopped off if he wanted to.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17If he wanted to see Harry Potter before anyone else,
0:06:17 > 0:06:21he totally could. He's actually still totally lush and droolsome.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23He's totes droolsome. He's got orange hair.
0:06:23 > 0:06:28He's got hair that is ginger! Like a Wotsit or Nicola from Girls Aloud.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32- Or, like, like, orange! - And he's soooo posh!
0:06:32 > 0:06:36He eats swans! And if you took him to KFC,
0:06:36 > 0:06:39he'd totally eat his Zinger burger with a knife and fork.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Yeah. He's so posh, he probably doesn't have one pair of trainers
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- even though he can have anything he wants.- If you were his girlfriend
0:06:46 > 0:06:49and you burped, he'd like totally have you arrested
0:06:49 > 0:06:52by those soldiers in big, tall, furry hats.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Yeah, and you'd be like, "Harry, let's totes go to Superdrug
0:06:56 > 0:06:59"and test out the nail varnishes" and he'd be like, "Oh, no,
0:06:59 > 0:07:01"I've got to go to a garden party."
0:07:01 > 0:07:05"And I can't get on that bus unless it's a solid-gold bus made of gold."
0:07:05 > 0:07:09And he's not all that because he probably hangs out with his gran
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- and he's never even heard of N-Dubz! - He's so not hot right now.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17- He's so not hot. - So!- Not!- Hot!- Bleurgh!
0:07:18 > 0:07:20CAR ALARM BEEPS
0:07:32 > 0:07:36- Something smells very nice in there. - Oh, yeah, it's a custard pie
0:07:36 > 0:07:38I baked for Judy's 50th. It's almost perfect.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- Just going to pop it round. - Right.- What are you up to?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Going into town to pick up some dry-cleaning.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46It's just round the corner from Judy's. I'll give you a lift.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- Oh, would you mind?- No! Of course!
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Oh! I forgot her card.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07SINSITER MUSIC
0:08:08 > 0:08:11CYMBALS CRASH
0:08:11 > 0:08:13ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
0:08:21 > 0:08:23SINSTER MUSIC
0:08:25 > 0:08:29I'm... I'm sorry, mate. I'm so...so sorry.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34HORN BLARES Sat on my horn.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45HE GROANS
0:08:47 > 0:08:49HE GROANS
0:08:50 > 0:08:52HE GROANS
0:08:58 > 0:09:00HE GROANS
0:09:02 > 0:09:05HE GROANS
0:09:08 > 0:09:12"If you require refreshments, the trolley will now pass through."
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- Drinks from the trolley. - Anything from the trolley?
0:09:15 > 0:09:18- SHE GASPS - Malcolm, they've put these seats
0:09:18 > 0:09:22- closer together again. I can barely get through.- Typical.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- Snacks or drinks? - Anything from the trolley?- Malcolm.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28- Colin. Hello.- Hello. - Do you mind if I have a quick word?
0:09:28 > 0:09:32Of course not. Erm, what about?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Well, I've been looking at your sale figures
0:09:34 > 0:09:37and I'm coming across a few troubles.
0:09:37 > 0:09:43It says here you had 64 jam doughnuts on the trolley yesterday morning
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- but by lunchtime, they'd all gone. - That's right.- They are very popular.
0:09:46 > 0:09:52- Very popular.- OK, it does say from your receipts that you only sold one.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54- Er...- I'm wondering what happened to the other 63.
0:09:54 > 0:09:59- They were stolen.- Stolen?- Mm.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02- By who?- Seagulls.- Seagulls?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05What were seagulls doing on the plane?
0:10:05 > 0:10:07They were migrating.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10OK, well, maybe we'll come back to that.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14What about the 14 packets of chocolate biscuits that vanished?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17They were eaten by ants.
0:10:17 > 0:10:23- 14 packets?- Not ants. Did I say ants? No, I meant...Germans.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- German ants.- Worst kind of ants. - Very efficient ant.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31OK, we'll come back to that. What about the yoghurts, crisps, peanuts,
0:10:31 > 0:10:35Battenberg slices, sandwiches, mint imperials, croissants?
0:10:35 > 0:10:39Blueberry muffins, shortbread, mini fruit cakes, scones, jam roly-poly,
0:10:39 > 0:10:42ice creams, ginger snaps, pretzels, Turkish delights, waffles,
0:10:42 > 0:10:45cheese straws, custard tarts? What about those?
0:10:45 > 0:10:51- Erm...- Well, to answer your concern pacifically...
0:10:51 > 0:10:54What happens is, sometimes this trolley doesn't half get a wobble on
0:10:54 > 0:10:58- and it just... They spill. Fall.- Away.- Underneath.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01- Lads.- And also the clients... - Excuse me.
0:11:01 > 0:11:06- ..will...- Ooh, they are light-fingered.- Excuse me.- Yes.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09You haven't been eating the contents of the trolley, have you?
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- Absolutely not!- Of course not!
0:11:12 > 0:11:14How could you suggest such a thing?
0:11:14 > 0:11:18I have to say, Graham, I am slightly upset at the insinuation.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21- No, because I've had this before. - Don't.- OK. That's fine.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24- Lads, lads.- Please. - Lads. I had to ask.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28OK? I'm sure you understand. Forgive me.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32You two have a good evening, OK? And keep your eyes peeled for seagulls.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Bye. SQUELCHING
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Ohh!
0:11:38 > 0:11:42I was saving that doughnut for later. Give us a spoon.
0:11:45 > 0:11:46Yeah?
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Thanks very much.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- Good morning, sir. How can I help? - Good morning.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57Erm, I got a cheque for my birthday from my great aunt
0:11:57 > 0:12:02and I'd like to pay it in, only I dropped it in a puddle.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06I suppose you're going to say I've got to get her to make it out again.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Not at all, sir. I'll pay it in for you now.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Oh. Oh, that's very good of you.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15Oh, and also...
0:12:16 > 0:12:20..I'd like to pay in all this change, please.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Suppose you're going to tell me I've got to count it all out first.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27- Not at all. Leave it with me and I'll count it for you.- Oh.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Well, that's really very good of you.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- Oh, and there's one more thing. - Come on!
0:12:32 > 0:12:36Erm, I'd like to open a savings account.
0:12:36 > 0:12:42I tried to fill in a form but none of your little pens are working.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45I suppose I'm going to have to go away, fill it out
0:12:45 > 0:12:48and then join the back of the queue again, aren't I?
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Not at all. I'll fill it out for you now.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54Oh, and here's a free pen for any inconvenience.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Oh. That's amazing.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02- I really don't know what to say. - Hurry up! We've not got all day!
0:13:03 > 0:13:06DRUM ROLL
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Witch! She's a witch!
0:13:09 > 0:13:13ALL: Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch!
0:13:14 > 0:13:18- HE LAUGHS - Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch!
0:13:18 > 0:13:21ALL: Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch!
0:13:21 > 0:13:25SHE SCREAMS
0:13:25 > 0:13:27ALL: Witch! Witch! Witch!
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- Some people.- Tell me about it.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- Have a nice day. - Thank you very much.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41SHE CACKLES
0:13:47 > 0:13:49'Emily and Minty Forest,
0:13:49 > 0:13:52'two of the country's least successful theatre performers,
0:13:52 > 0:13:56'are mounting their very own production. This is the opening night
0:13:56 > 0:14:00'of their self-written and directed show, which is about to start.'
0:14:00 > 0:14:04SHOWTUNE FANFARE
0:14:20 > 0:14:23BOTH # We'll always be together
0:14:23 > 0:14:25# In the end
0:14:25 > 0:14:28THEY SING OFF-KEY
0:14:28 > 0:14:32- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Oh!
0:14:36 > 0:14:40I can't believe they liked it! We didn't do anything right.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43The set fell down, your voice was rubbish, I forgot my lines
0:14:43 > 0:14:46and the gusset of my leotard perished entirely
0:14:46 > 0:14:48during the water ballet sequence.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51But it's our Mumsy and Dad! They love everything we do.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54That's what they're there for. Whoo!
0:14:54 > 0:14:58Oh, bravo, Emsy! Bravo, Monty!
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Ohhh!
0:15:01 > 0:15:03APPLAUSE STOPS Ohh!
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Do you think they've got it, Peter?
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Well, we had it, Gillian. There's every chance we've given it to them.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16'This is the Outer Hebridean island of North Barrasay.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21'Valerie Carpenter is the head and only teacher
0:15:21 > 0:15:24'at North Barrasay College for Gifted Children.'
0:15:24 > 0:15:27So, Ross, I understand you've had a bit of a brainwave.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Erm, yes. I've got a plan that's going to transform this place.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34- What's the one thing missing from the school?- Central heating?
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- Apart from that.- Ooh, I don't know.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40A tuck shop!
0:15:40 > 0:15:44It's so obvious, I don't know why no-one's thought of it before.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47I'm going to make loads of... I'm going to make loads of money
0:15:47 > 0:15:51and improve the school. It's a win-win situation.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53- Er, is it?- Yes.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57And Miss Carpenter says I can use it against one of my economics modules
0:15:57 > 0:15:59so it's a win-win-win situation!
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- Do you really think this is a good idea, Valerie?- Oh, absolutely.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06I think this sort of enterprising spirit should be encouraged.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08It gives Ross a first-hand experience
0:16:08 > 0:16:11of the sort of rough and tumble of business.
0:16:11 > 0:16:16I've already bought loads of stock. I spent all my Christmas money.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Right. You don't think you should be a bit more cautious?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22I mean, maybe there's a reason nobody's set up a tuck shop here.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Yes, lack of vision!
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Look at this.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Smoky bacon and cheese and onion!
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Two flavours! Huh? That's diversification.
0:16:33 > 0:16:38Ooh! Excellent use of a technical term there, Ross. Credits to you.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- Don't eat the stock. - It's research and development.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45I don't want to waste them.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50'Later that day and everything is ready for the grand launch.'
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Thank you for coming to this exciting launch.
0:16:52 > 0:16:57I now declare Ross's tuck shop open for business!
0:16:57 > 0:17:00THEY CLAP
0:17:02 > 0:17:05So, how'd like to buy something?
0:17:05 > 0:17:09- Do you have any chocolate for diabetics?- No, I'm afraid not.
0:17:09 > 0:17:14- We've got crisps.- I'm supposed to be watching my sodium levels.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16- I best leave it. - How about you, Gillian?
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Oh, no thanks, Ross, I daren't touch this stuff.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21I've got to be a bridesmaid in a few weeks.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25Morag will kill me if I ruin her big day with a bulge.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Right. Anyone on the crew, maybe?
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- Richard, the sound guy!- Yeah, I'll have a bar of chocolate.- OK!
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Er, no, Richard, you can't. Sorry, Ross, we can't interact, remember?
0:17:35 > 0:17:38- Oh, right. Erm...- Do you think it was maybe a mistake
0:17:38 > 0:17:41to lay on complimentary snacks at the launch, Ross?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44No, you've got to get the punters in. Look. Archie.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48You're enjoying those free samples. Perhaps you'd like to pay for some.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51I couldn't, Ross. I'm absolutely stuffed on these.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Well, I would like to buy something, Ross.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Oh, great! My first sale!
0:17:56 > 0:17:59How much with my staff discount?
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Staff discount? What's that? Ten percent?
0:18:03 > 0:18:06- 20 percent. - No, ten percent.- 20 percent.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10- You said ten percent.- 20 percent. - You definitely said ten percent.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- 20 percent, Ross! The customer is always right!- Right, 20.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17Do you see how I'm including calculations into the experience?
0:18:17 > 0:18:20It makes for very rich learning.
0:18:22 > 0:18:27But Miss, you're paying me less than it actually cost me to buy it.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- Yep.- I'm losing £2.50 on that!
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Yes, excellent use of calculation, Ross.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Now, how much for this and a second one?
0:18:35 > 0:18:39That's... So two of them? Two times...
0:18:39 > 0:18:43How much would you lose on three of those, Ross?
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- What, three? You want to get... - Oh, how much would you lose on four?
0:18:47 > 0:18:49No, 20 percent times...
0:18:49 > 0:18:54- What would be the deficit on six bars of chocolate?- Six?
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Is that Tim?
0:18:57 > 0:19:01'Sticking Martin. He's got the stickiest hands in the world!'
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Yes, good, good.
0:19:05 > 0:19:10After a few lessons, you might be good enough to juggle three balls.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14Just like these guys. But for now, let's keep it a bit easier.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18- So, just two. Martin, do you want to have a go?- Yeah.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Hello? Hello?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Anyone... Anybody here?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44I got this flyer printed in Braille
0:19:44 > 0:19:46and glued onto my kitchen table.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50I wondered... Is there... Is there nobody here?
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Oh, well, that's a disappointment.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56Throw away your disappointment! For we are indeed here.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58- Right here!- Just here.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02How quaint everything looks in the 21st century!
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Where I come from, all of this would be electric!
0:20:05 > 0:20:10You must excuse Mr Faraway. He is a traveller from the future!
0:20:10 > 0:20:13- Oh, is he? Sounds a bit implausible. - This is Mr Faraway
0:20:13 > 0:20:17and I am Mr Elevenses. And we bid you welcome...
0:20:17 > 0:20:24BOTH: To the museum of the imagination-tion-tion-tion-tion!
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Oh. You're very enthusiastic.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30In the future, it is illegal to be not enthusiastic.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Punishable by six days of constant smileyness.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- Care to take a turn around our exhibits?- I'd love to.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Do you have an audio guide or something? I can't see.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Oh, I can do better than that. Mr Faraway and I
0:20:42 > 0:20:47will serve as your guides, being on hand to answer any questions.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50- Oh, how very kind.- Walk this way.
0:20:52 > 0:20:57Under this cloth lies the telescope used by Lord Nelson
0:20:57 > 0:21:00at the Battle of Trafalgar.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03How on earth did you find such a thing? That is incredible.
0:21:03 > 0:21:10- And here it is in your... - BOTH: Imagination-tion-tion-tion!
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- Can you describe it for me, then? - Huh?
0:21:13 > 0:21:18Well, it's constructed of brass and leather.
0:21:18 > 0:21:23It is in five pieces and it extends to half a metre.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27Oh. Oh, thanks very much. What else have you go?
0:21:27 > 0:21:30This way, please! Do take my arm.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36Beneath this cloth lies the body of the only phoenix every captured,
0:21:36 > 0:21:39preserved for over 200 years.
0:21:39 > 0:21:44BOTH: In your imagination-tion-tion-tion-tion...
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Well, can you describe it, then?
0:21:47 > 0:21:54Yes. It's about the size of an eagle but its eyes are mild and kind.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Its beak is the colour of a rose!
0:21:56 > 0:22:01Its neck, the colours of the rainbow yet more lively and brilliant!
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Oh, that's wonderful! I can see that so clearly.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08- Oh, do you have the time? - Why, certainly! It is half past two
0:22:08 > 0:22:12- in the year 2350.- And today.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Oh, I best run. I'm late for an appointment.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17But thank you so much for a truly amazing visit.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21Erm, well, I'm... I really think, before you go, we must say that...
0:22:21 > 0:22:27- There wasn't really anything on those plinths.- No, we made it up.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Oh, I know that. I'm blind, I'm not stupid.
0:22:30 > 0:22:37But I could see them... in my imagination-tion-tion!
0:22:39 > 0:22:41- What a nice man!- Yes!
0:22:41 > 0:22:45Next time, I shall have to show him the time machine!
0:22:45 > 0:22:49- Well, goodbye, Mr Faraway. See you last Tuesday.- Cheerio!
0:22:51 > 0:22:54Phew! Finally. Oh!
0:22:54 > 0:22:58- I can be myself. - HE GROANS
0:22:58 > 0:23:00UPBEAT MUSIC
0:23:03 > 0:23:05HE LAUGHS
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Oh, what? A power cut?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12I was right in the middle of my favourite programme,
0:23:12 > 0:23:16and trying to do a crossword at the same time.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Now there's no light and no power,
0:23:18 > 0:23:23I'll have to sit here and sulk at what a terrible evening this is.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24Maybe my bees can help.
0:23:24 > 0:23:29HE SCREAMS
0:23:29 > 0:23:32- What? - I said, maybe my bees can help.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37- Bees?- Yes, bees. Nature's handy-men. Did you know, sir,
0:23:37 > 0:23:40that a bee flaps its wings almost 11,000 times a second?
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Well, they do. And with that sort of kinetic energy
0:23:44 > 0:23:46you can create a lot of power.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50They can also re-enact your teddy bear programme you missed
0:23:50 > 0:23:54- due to the power cut? - No, I was watching...a documentary.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58Of course you were. I shall just give them some simple instructions.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Buzz-buzz-buzz-buzz, silly man,
0:24:03 > 0:24:06buzz-buzz-buzz, restore his lights and power,
0:24:06 > 0:24:10buzz-buzz-buzz-buzz-buzz, teddy bears do the funniest things.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12HE LAUGHS
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Ooh, almost forgot, buzz-buzz!
0:24:16 > 0:24:20Now, fly, my wing-beating, power-creating friends!
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Agh! No! Agh! Agh!
0:24:23 > 0:24:28No, no! Not me! Agh! No! There's a power cut! Agh!
0:24:28 > 0:24:33Use your wings... Aghhh! Ow! Don't sting me! Aghh!
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Ah! It's all right, it's come back now.
0:24:35 > 0:24:40- Ow! Agh, this is infuriating! - TV BLARES
0:24:40 > 0:24:44Hey, could you keep it down? I'm trying to watch my programme.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Agh! Ow! Ooh!
0:24:46 > 0:24:49What is that smell?
0:24:49 > 0:24:51- What is that? - HE SNIFFS
0:24:51 > 0:24:53- Exhaust fumes?- No.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- INHALES - That take-away?- Ooh.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58- HE SNIFFS - No.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02- Autumn?- No, it's not that. It's sausages.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06- I can't smell sausages. - You can't smell sausages?
0:25:06 > 0:25:10Young man, that scent is particularly sausage-like!
0:25:15 > 0:25:19- Urgh!- Ketchup or mustard?- Mustard?
0:25:24 > 0:25:28Don't say I don't do anything for you. Oh, where's that bus?
0:25:32 > 0:25:36Hello! I've come to break the world record for the longest drum solo!
0:25:36 > 0:25:40I'm sorry, I really am rather busy, so I'd appreciate it if...
0:25:40 > 0:25:42That's fine. I'll just get the rest of my kit.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47There's not much.
0:25:51 > 0:25:56There it is. A few more bits.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Pop that there. That'll do. One more.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07- Got to get the cymbals! - CYMBALS CRASH
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Whoo!
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Right! What's the record?
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Tabatha, world's longest drum solo, please.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21The world's longest drum solo
0:26:21 > 0:26:24is eight hours, 27 minutes and 12 seconds.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Easy! I'll do it better than that.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Just got to set me kit up now. It'll be a while.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32CYMBALS CRASH
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Oh, that's come off. Hold on.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38What's that? Weird, innit?
0:26:38 > 0:26:40Don't need that yet. This...
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Here we... That's one of its...bits.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Just comes under... Why has that come out?
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- CYMBALS CRASH - Pop that over there.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51I'll tell you what, I'm going...
0:26:51 > 0:26:55I'm putting this bit in here whether it goes in here or not!
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Wish me luck! Oh, I got it, I think I got it.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- Hold on. Oh! - DRUM BANGS
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Hold on... I did it.
0:27:03 > 0:27:08Yes! I made a beat with my head! It counts as a drum solo.
0:27:08 > 0:27:13- How long was it?- One second. - And what's the record?
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Eight hours, 27 minutes and 12 seconds.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Oooh, so close!
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Will you play me out?
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Jasper?
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Jasper?
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Jasper? Jasper?
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Have you seen my dog? I turned my back and he's disappeared?
0:27:34 > 0:27:37- No, sorry.- He's quite big. He's white with spots, have you seen him?
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Is that him over there?
0:27:41 > 0:27:42Jasper?
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Jasper!
0:27:44 > 0:27:47SHE BLOWS DOG WHISTLE
0:27:51 > 0:27:53No, it's not him. Jasper?
0:27:55 > 0:27:58- I'm Eddie Big! - Tony take it. It's mine.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01I'll get you, Philippe!
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Witch! She's a witch!
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Maybe my bees can help.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08- A thousand pounds? - A thousand pounds!
0:28:08 > 0:28:10BOTH: In your imagination.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
0:28:14 > 0:28:14.