Episode 3

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0:00:20 > 0:00:22Carbon dioxide filters fully functional.

0:00:23 > 0:00:25Oxygen tanks at optimal level.

0:00:26 > 0:00:33Time in space, 73 hours. Distance from Earth, 360,000 kilometres.

0:00:35 > 0:00:39Oh! There seems to be an electrical fault here on the service module.

0:00:39 > 0:00:42- ALARM BLARES - It's caused an explosion

0:00:42 > 0:00:44resulting in the loss of both oxygen tanks!

0:00:44 > 0:00:47I have no idea how to fix this capsule.

0:00:47 > 0:00:50Maybe my bees can help.

0:00:50 > 0:00:54- I beg your pardon? - I said, maybe my bees can help.

0:00:54 > 0:00:56- Hm.- It's a little-known fact

0:00:56 > 0:01:00that bees are behind many of the advances in rocket science at NASA.

0:01:00 > 0:01:03It's just been kept a secret because it was thought

0:01:03 > 0:01:07that astronauts wouldn't want to get into rockets made by bees.

0:01:07 > 0:01:10- Well, I...- These bees, with their tiny degrees in astrophysics,

0:01:10 > 0:01:13will wend their buzzy way to the heart of your spacecraft

0:01:13 > 0:01:17and once there, fix the problems with their tiny space hammers,

0:01:17 > 0:01:19helping you get back to Earth!

0:01:19 > 0:01:22- That's amazing!- It's bee-mazing!

0:01:22 > 0:01:25I will just give them a few brief instructions.

0:01:26 > 0:01:28Buzz-buzz-buzz-buzz, broken spacecraft.

0:01:28 > 0:01:32Buzz-buzz-buzz, tiny space hammers. Buzz-buzz, astrophysics degree.

0:01:32 > 0:01:36Buzz-buzz-buzz, help the space fellow.

0:01:37 > 0:01:40Ooh, almost forgot. Trifle please, buzz-buzz.

0:01:42 > 0:01:45Fly, my little intergalactic friends!

0:01:45 > 0:01:47Agh! No! Agh!

0:01:47 > 0:01:49Aghh! Ow! Agh!

0:01:49 > 0:01:52What about your astrophysics degree?

0:01:52 > 0:01:54Use it! Use it! It's a career!

0:01:57 > 0:02:00Agh, my beautiful face! Oh, oh, oh!

0:02:00 > 0:02:02So, what seems to be the trouble?

0:02:02 > 0:02:04Doctor, I can't see anything with this eye

0:02:04 > 0:02:06and I've got a pinching sensation in my shoulder.

0:02:06 > 0:02:10Ah, I know what this is. You've got Buccaneer's Syndrome.

0:02:10 > 0:02:14- What's that?- It's nothing to worry about. It's basically pirate flu.

0:02:14 > 0:02:18The pinching in your shoulder is where your parrot's been gripping.

0:02:18 > 0:02:23- Parrot? Parrot? Ooh!- And your vision will improve if you lift up the...

0:02:28 > 0:02:31- Can you say "ahh" for me?- Arrrrr!

0:02:31 > 0:02:35Yes. This is a fairly advanced stage.

0:02:35 > 0:02:37I just want to try something.

0:02:37 > 0:02:40- Arrr!- No. No, it's not that one.

0:02:41 > 0:02:44CLUNKING Ah.

0:02:46 > 0:02:48Ah.

0:02:48 > 0:02:51Me leg! Me leg! What's happened? Yous gots to help me, doctor.

0:02:51 > 0:02:54Well, the treatment for this is very simple.

0:02:54 > 0:02:57I'm going to write you out a prescription

0:02:57 > 0:02:59and you'll find it buried...

0:03:01 > 0:03:04- ..there.- Arrrr!

0:03:04 > 0:03:07If you want my advice,

0:03:07 > 0:03:10never tell a giant that your head looks a bit like an egg!

0:03:11 > 0:03:13Agh! Stop it!

0:03:13 > 0:03:17Inside my head is not an egg!

0:03:17 > 0:03:20Thanks for taking me to the zoo today, Eddie.

0:03:20 > 0:03:23- Do you like the key ring that I bought for you?- Erm...

0:03:25 > 0:03:28It's a bit... It's a bit big.

0:03:28 > 0:03:31What do you means? It's the best!

0:03:31 > 0:03:34I'm going to get myself a hot dog. What do you want?

0:03:34 > 0:03:36- Erm...- My treat!

0:03:36 > 0:03:40Yeah, I'd love a hot dog, but Eddie, can I get a normal-sized hot dog?

0:03:40 > 0:03:42- A normal size one?- Yeah!

0:03:45 > 0:03:49One of your bestest hot dogs for my bestest pal!

0:03:57 > 0:04:01That's brilliant! Thanks, Eddie! Thanks!

0:04:01 > 0:04:03Wait!

0:04:03 > 0:04:05I forgot to get ketchup.

0:04:05 > 0:04:09I can't have my bestest pal in the whole world eating a dry hot dog.

0:04:09 > 0:04:11I know how much you like tom sauce.

0:04:11 > 0:04:14You don't eat anything without it. I'll go get it.

0:04:16 > 0:04:18Say when!

0:04:25 > 0:04:29- When.- I'm Eddie Big!

0:04:30 > 0:04:34Gosh! It was hot out there but, you know, fun.

0:04:34 > 0:04:36What a brilliant idea!

0:04:36 > 0:04:39Wear your warmest coat on the hottest day of the year day!

0:04:39 > 0:04:42Mind you, I am really, really hot now.

0:04:42 > 0:04:46Oh, do you fancy a cooling ice cream?

0:04:46 > 0:04:51I do, but it's lunchtime. I should really have something savoury first.

0:04:51 > 0:04:55Not a problem. I've got just what you need...over here.

0:04:55 > 0:04:59- THUNDER BOOMS / HE LAUGHS MANIACALLY - Yes! Yes!

0:04:59 > 0:05:02Mwah-ha-ha!

0:05:02 > 0:05:06Hang on! Is this one of your mad experiments?

0:05:06 > 0:05:10No! How could you think that?

0:05:10 > 0:05:15Well, because of all the... All the... Oh, never mind.

0:05:15 > 0:05:21Behold! Frozen test matter STS1! Mwah-ha-ha!

0:05:21 > 0:05:26It is one of your mad experiments! Well, there's no way I'm eating that.

0:05:26 > 0:05:29But this is my amazing new beef and broccoli ice cream!

0:05:29 > 0:05:32Your experiments always go wrong!

0:05:32 > 0:05:35Remember that time you tried to get me to like cheese more?

0:05:35 > 0:05:38- Well, it worked, didn't it? - You turned me into a mouse!

0:05:38 > 0:05:40Aghhh!

0:05:40 > 0:05:44Oh, come on, that's not fair!

0:05:44 > 0:05:47Besides, it only lasted a month.

0:05:47 > 0:05:49My experiments are much better now.

0:05:49 > 0:05:51There is no way I'm eating that.

0:05:51 > 0:05:53Oh, go on.

0:05:53 > 0:05:56Savour the cool savoury goodness.

0:05:56 > 0:05:58Mm. Please.

0:05:58 > 0:06:00Please. Please!

0:06:01 > 0:06:04Ple-e-e-e-ase!

0:06:04 > 0:06:06Oh, why are you so persuasive?

0:06:10 > 0:06:13You'll soon be deliciously cool!

0:06:13 > 0:06:16Mwah-ha-ha!

0:06:21 > 0:06:25I'm too cold now!

0:06:25 > 0:06:28Oh, some people are never satisfied!

0:06:28 > 0:06:32Right, I'm going to get a massive glass of water to put you in.

0:06:36 > 0:06:39Right, I'll put the kettle on.

0:06:39 > 0:06:43Oh! Here, did you put that mousetrap down like I asked?

0:06:43 > 0:06:46Yeah. I put one in the dining room.

0:06:47 > 0:06:51And you're absolutely sure it's a mousetrap that you bought?

0:06:51 > 0:06:54Of course! What other sorts of traps are there?

0:06:58 > 0:07:03Ho-ho-ho. Ho-ho-ho.

0:07:03 > 0:07:06- GROANING - Fantastic! Santa Claus!

0:07:06 > 0:07:09- Ow-ow-ow!- Yeah, I must have bought the wrong box.

0:07:09 > 0:07:12Right, well take it back and get the right one, will you, please?

0:07:12 > 0:07:16- Ho-ho-ho.- Sorry about that.

0:07:16 > 0:07:19- Sorry about this, mate.- Aghh.

0:07:19 > 0:07:22HE GROANS

0:07:22 > 0:07:25Ohh.

0:07:25 > 0:07:28- You must be busy this time of year. - That's one way of putting it.

0:07:28 > 0:07:31- What's your name? - It's Peter. Peter Collins.

0:07:32 > 0:07:38Hm. It says I've got you down for a remote-controlled helicopter.

0:07:38 > 0:07:42- Yes! - Yeah, like that's going to happen!

0:07:44 > 0:07:46Oh. Ohh!

0:07:46 > 0:07:50MOUSE LAUGHS

0:07:53 > 0:07:56- Ben, you'll miss the bus.- I know. I'm looking for my maths book.

0:07:56 > 0:07:58I thought I left it on the sofa.

0:08:04 > 0:08:06Aghh!

0:08:10 > 0:08:13What are you doing with my maths book?

0:08:13 > 0:08:17No! Oh, it's my fancy hat. Mm, nice.

0:08:17 > 0:08:20That's not a fancy hat, that's a maths book.

0:08:20 > 0:08:23- I'm late for school so give it back. - No!

0:08:23 > 0:08:26Tony take it. It's my new fancy hat.

0:08:26 > 0:08:31It's much too sophisticated for a stupid little boy.

0:08:31 > 0:08:33I haven't got time for this.

0:08:33 > 0:08:36Not so fast!

0:08:36 > 0:08:41Maybe you can have your hat back if I ask you a question.

0:08:41 > 0:08:45- Just hurry up. - Oh, I'll just think of a good one.

0:08:45 > 0:08:49Try and focus. Yeah, I'm trying to concentrate but I get nervous.

0:08:49 > 0:08:53Take some deep breaths. It's just the pressure thing.

0:08:53 > 0:08:56I don't want to pressure you but time's ticking now.

0:08:56 > 0:08:58Oh, I've got it now. I got it.

0:08:58 > 0:09:01How many...

0:09:02 > 0:09:06- ..fingers am I holding up? - Is it three?

0:09:07 > 0:09:11Oh, it's three! Ohh! How did you get that? Impossible!

0:09:11 > 0:09:14Stupid maths book! Ohh!

0:09:14 > 0:09:17I hate maths! It's on the curriculum, nothing you can do.

0:09:17 > 0:09:19I don't care any more!

0:09:19 > 0:09:21Until you're 16, you can't get out of it.

0:09:21 > 0:09:23I don't even know what 16 is!

0:09:23 > 0:09:25You should've paid attention in maths!

0:09:27 > 0:09:30- Come on, Ben, you'll miss the bus. - OK, found it.

0:09:30 > 0:09:33Oh, have you seen my handbag, by the way?

0:09:33 > 0:09:36Hat! Hat, hat! Hat!

0:09:36 > 0:09:39Yeah, yeah! Well, I followed the recipe completely

0:09:39 > 0:09:41but I added a bit of nutmeg.

0:09:41 > 0:09:44I think it's going to be the best pie ever.

0:09:44 > 0:09:46Oh, Mum, thank you for the cook book.

0:09:46 > 0:09:51You know how much I like cooking, making and eating custard pies.

0:09:51 > 0:09:54It's like the best thing in the world, even though this one

0:09:54 > 0:09:56took me five hours to make. Yeah! Yeah!

0:09:56 > 0:10:00No, literally almost five hours!

0:10:00 > 0:10:03My flatmate? Yeah, he's called Clive.

0:10:03 > 0:10:06No, he seems great. A lot of fun, yeah.

0:10:06 > 0:10:09Yeah, a lot of fun. OK, bye! Bye!

0:10:09 > 0:10:12Are you done in the kitchen? I was going to make some tea.

0:10:12 > 0:10:16No, absolutely. There's just... I've left the pie to set.

0:10:20 > 0:10:23HE WHISTLES

0:10:26 > 0:10:29CROWD OOH AND AHH

0:10:29 > 0:10:32ELEPHANT TRUMPETS

0:10:32 > 0:10:34- DOORELL RINGS - I've come to read the gas meter.

0:10:34 > 0:10:36Just point us in the right direction.

0:10:39 > 0:10:43The... The, er, gas meter is, erm...

0:10:44 > 0:10:48- Is, erm... It's just over there. - Right.

0:10:51 > 0:10:54MONKEY SCREECHES

0:10:55 > 0:10:59CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYS

0:11:01 > 0:11:04I'm sorry, mate. I'm so sorry.

0:11:09 > 0:11:10Ohh!

0:11:12 > 0:11:14OK, er, thanks for doing this.

0:11:14 > 0:11:18- As you know, it's just a very short advert for the blueberries.- Yeah.

0:11:18 > 0:11:20You stand there and say what's in the script,

0:11:20 > 0:11:24make out you love the blueberries. We'll sort it all in the edit,

0:11:24 > 0:11:28- make you look attractive, that kind of thing.- Sorry... What you saying?

0:11:28 > 0:11:31Er, this is Keith. He'll be on sound today.

0:11:31 > 0:11:34Right, let's go! We'll have this done in a few minutes.

0:11:36 > 0:11:38You know what I love?

0:11:39 > 0:11:41- Blueberries. - SHE BREAKS WIND

0:11:41 > 0:11:44- Cut!- Oh, sorry. Was there a problem?

0:11:44 > 0:11:48- I must have held them too high. - No, that was fine. That was fine.

0:11:48 > 0:11:51Erm, there was just a slight... There was a little noise.

0:11:51 > 0:11:54- Did you catch that, Keith? - Yep, I heard that.- Right.

0:11:54 > 0:11:58- Didn't hear anything.- Try again. - Yep, fine. No problem.

0:11:59 > 0:12:02Do you know what I love? Blueberries.

0:12:02 > 0:12:05- SHE BREAKS WIND - Cut!

0:12:05 > 0:12:07Another problem, was there? Problem with the camera?

0:12:07 > 0:12:11- No, the camera's fine. There's just that little noise again.- Oh!

0:12:11 > 0:12:14- Did you catch it?- Yep. I think I've lost the hearing in one ear.

0:12:14 > 0:12:19Not surprised. Er, so maybe just one more time, see how that goes.

0:12:19 > 0:12:22Well, OK, if you say so. Your time you're wasting.

0:12:23 > 0:12:25And action.

0:12:25 > 0:12:29You know what I love? Blueberries.

0:12:29 > 0:12:32SHE BREAKS WIND

0:12:39 > 0:12:43- Ah, hello, Simon. - Headmaster. Governor.

0:12:43 > 0:12:47- What have you got to show us today, Simon?- This is an excellent game.

0:12:47 > 0:12:50- A real bit of fun. - Something everyone can play?

0:12:50 > 0:12:53Everyone! From eight to, er, about 74.

0:12:53 > 0:12:56- Very good. That's a tick.- I call it

0:12:56 > 0:13:00Which One's The Poison?

0:13:00 > 0:13:04If you're lucky, you get a delicious flavoured drink.

0:13:04 > 0:13:07- And if you're unlucky? - You drink the poison!

0:13:07 > 0:13:11Simon, are you aware you should never, ever drink poison?

0:13:11 > 0:13:13Yeah! Yeah, that's the beauty of it!

0:13:13 > 0:13:19Only one of these bottles contains poison! So, who wants a go?

0:13:21 > 0:13:23No? OK. I'll do it first

0:13:23 > 0:13:26just to show you how simple and fun it is.

0:13:26 > 0:13:29Right, I will pay my 10p.

0:13:29 > 0:13:33That can go straight to the donkey sanctuary.

0:13:33 > 0:13:36Now, which one shall I pick? Oh! Ooh, bit nervous. Which one?

0:13:36 > 0:13:40- Simon, I really don't think you should.- Ah, there it is!

0:13:40 > 0:13:42Yeah, that feels right! My lucky one!

0:13:42 > 0:13:46My lucky drink! Here we go.

0:13:50 > 0:13:53HE CHOKES

0:13:55 > 0:13:59Ohh! Aghh!

0:13:59 > 0:14:02- Oh, that's the poison!- Simon!- Aghh!

0:14:02 > 0:14:05- I just drank poison! - Simon, what do we do?

0:14:05 > 0:14:08Aghh. We need to play the next game.

0:14:09 > 0:14:12- What other game? - Which One's The Antidote?

0:14:15 > 0:14:18So, what do you reckon? Will you let me know?

0:14:18 > 0:14:20- We'll let you know.- Aghh!

0:14:21 > 0:14:26'Sticky Martin. He's got the stickiest hands in the world.'

0:14:54 > 0:14:56BIRD SQUAWKS

0:14:58 > 0:15:00No!

0:15:08 > 0:15:13Brave Vikings, Aegir, god of the sea, has smiled upon us

0:15:13 > 0:15:18and blessed us with many thousand of delicious herring!

0:15:18 > 0:15:23Enough herring to see us through the winter time! So, relax

0:15:23 > 0:15:26and enjoy your herring feast!

0:15:26 > 0:15:28ALL: Yes, chief.

0:15:28 > 0:15:32What's the matter? You don't seem to be enjoying your herring feast.

0:15:32 > 0:15:37To be honest, I don't want to speak for my Viking friends,

0:15:37 > 0:15:40but I think we're all a little bit sick of herring.

0:15:40 > 0:15:43- HE BELCHES - There is something we could try.

0:15:43 > 0:15:46A delicious new snack from the new world.

0:15:47 > 0:15:51It goes by the name of "pop-corn".

0:15:51 > 0:15:55You just stick it in the microwave for three minutes

0:15:55 > 0:15:58and it turns into a huge amount of popcorn

0:15:58 > 0:16:01- and there are three flavours! Butter.- ALL: Ooh!

0:16:01 > 0:16:03- Sweet.- ALL: Ooh!

0:16:03 > 0:16:07- And...herring. - THEY SIGH

0:16:07 > 0:16:10- Shall I give it a go, chief? - Well, yes, very well.

0:16:10 > 0:16:13We shall try this popcorn.

0:16:13 > 0:16:17So, you just put the pouch in here

0:16:17 > 0:16:19and put it on for three minutes.

0:16:21 > 0:16:23- POPPING / THEY SQUEAL - Sorry.- Sorry.

0:16:23 > 0:16:26POPPING / THEY SQUEAL

0:16:33 > 0:16:36MICROWAVE STOPS

0:16:37 > 0:16:41- Now then, who fancies some herring? - Oh, yes, please!- Delicious!

0:16:41 > 0:16:43THUNDER BOOMS

0:16:43 > 0:16:48I'm looking for a Mr Faraway or a Mr Elevenses. Hello?

0:16:50 > 0:16:54Looking for them? Found them, you have. Good day to you.

0:16:54 > 0:16:56Have you got any fish? Ask him if he's got any fish.

0:16:56 > 0:16:59- Not now, Mr Faraway. - I do beg your pardon. Splash.

0:16:59 > 0:17:03Yeah. I've got a delivery here for the Museum of...

0:17:03 > 0:17:06BOTH: Imagination!

0:17:06 > 0:17:10- Yeah, that's it. Sign here, please. - I'm afraid I cannot!

0:17:10 > 0:17:13I know nothing of your world of forms and signing.

0:17:13 > 0:17:17I know only of the magical underwater kingdom from whence I came.

0:17:17 > 0:17:19Mr Faraway has recently learned that he is descended from

0:17:19 > 0:17:22a long line of mermaids.

0:17:22 > 0:17:26Splash! Comb golden hair. Chat to seahorse about pearls.

0:17:26 > 0:17:30- He doesn't look like a mermaid. - You said something about a delivery.

0:17:30 > 0:17:32Yes. I've got a load of artefacts here for you.

0:17:32 > 0:17:37- Artefacts?- Yeah. I've got Excalibur, the sword of King Arthur,

0:17:37 > 0:17:41some UFO remains from Roswell and an actual ghost in a bottle.

0:17:41 > 0:17:45And you have these artefacts... there?

0:17:45 > 0:17:47Yeah. I tell you, they weigh a metric ton.

0:17:47 > 0:17:50This way, sir! Let us show you the many wonders

0:17:50 > 0:17:54- that the Museum... - BOTH: ..of Imagination...

0:17:54 > 0:17:58- ..has to offer.- Yeah, well, I'm only really here to deliver these.

0:17:58 > 0:18:03Hush! Now, under this cloth lies the head of Medusa,

0:18:03 > 0:18:07- the snake-headed monster. - Legend has it

0:18:07 > 0:18:12- that those who met her gaze would turn to stone!- Stone!- Stone!

0:18:12 > 0:18:14So gaze not into her eyes,

0:18:14 > 0:18:17but instead look upon her severed head...

0:18:17 > 0:18:20BOTH: ..in your imagination!

0:18:20 > 0:18:23Oh, I get it. It's something for the kids, is it?

0:18:23 > 0:18:28The kids, he says? Are these exhibits for the kids?

0:18:28 > 0:18:31Walk this way!

0:18:32 > 0:18:35Beneath this cloth lies a pint of blood

0:18:35 > 0:18:40taken from the dragon slain by the hand of St George himself!

0:18:40 > 0:18:45- I thought that was just a myth. - I am a myth! A mer-myth.

0:18:45 > 0:18:47Although, if I was to meet the right sea creature,

0:18:47 > 0:18:52- I would become a mer-missus. - The blood of a dragon!

0:18:52 > 0:18:55More than a millennia old and now you shall see it!

0:18:55 > 0:18:59BOTH: In your imagination!

0:18:59 > 0:19:01THEY GASP

0:19:01 > 0:19:04Right, I'll tell you one thing for certain.

0:19:04 > 0:19:07- THEY GASP - This box is for you.

0:19:07 > 0:19:09I don't know how you deal with things,

0:19:09 > 0:19:13- but I don't take no for an answer. I'm not taking it back.- BOTH: Well!

0:19:13 > 0:19:17- BOTH: What a predicament! - Yes, what a predicament.

0:19:17 > 0:19:20Well, let me have a look first into this box.

0:19:24 > 0:19:27THEY GASP / SMASHING

0:19:27 > 0:19:30My mistake! It is indeed ours.

0:19:30 > 0:19:34How exciting, Mr Elevenses! I can't wait to tell the dolphins.

0:19:34 > 0:19:39Mr delivery man, please take from us a tip as an apology for this mix-up.

0:19:39 > 0:19:41Oh. Oh, well, thanks very much.

0:19:41 > 0:19:45BOTH: In your imagination!

0:19:48 > 0:19:52- Another crisis averted. - HE LAUGHS

0:19:52 > 0:19:56- Fish, Mr Faraway? - Ooh, don't mind if I do!

0:19:57 > 0:20:00Splash. Ha! Splash. Ha! Splash. Ha!

0:20:00 > 0:20:05"If you require refreshments, the trolley will now pass through."

0:20:05 > 0:20:07Trolley coming through!

0:20:07 > 0:20:10Please make room for the trolley service, please.

0:20:10 > 0:20:15Any drinks at all? Any drinks or snacks from the trolley service?

0:20:15 > 0:20:18Could I just squeeze by to get to my seat, please?

0:20:18 > 0:20:20- Squeeze by?- Of course not.

0:20:20 > 0:20:22You might squash the cheese biscuits.

0:20:22 > 0:20:25Or flatten a ham and cheese panini. We cannot allow it.

0:20:25 > 0:20:28- You'll have to move to another seat.- My bag's over there.

0:20:28 > 0:20:31Yeah, well, you can get another one. Now please, out of the way!

0:20:31 > 0:20:34- We have got limited room! - Any drinks or snacks?

0:20:34 > 0:20:37- Excuse me.- Yes, what is it?

0:20:37 > 0:20:40- I'd like a chocolate bar, please. - A chocolate bar.

0:20:40 > 0:20:43Chocolate bar. No.

0:20:43 > 0:20:48- No. No. - Why are all the wrappers empty?

0:20:48 > 0:20:50- There's been a chocolate strike. - What?

0:20:50 > 0:20:54- A chocolate strike in...Switzerland. - Germany.- Birmingham.

0:20:54 > 0:21:00- Wherever chocolate's made, because of the cows.- Sheep.- Cats.

0:21:00 > 0:21:03So you're going to have to go without, I'm afraid. Goodbye!

0:21:03 > 0:21:06- Trolley coming through. - I think that wrapper's got one in.

0:21:06 > 0:21:10- Look! A triple rainbow!- A what?

0:21:14 > 0:21:18As you can see, this one's actually empty, as well.

0:21:18 > 0:21:20- So there's no chocolate? - You should be grateful!

0:21:20 > 0:21:23Chocolate is very bad for you! Isn't it, Colin?

0:21:23 > 0:21:25SQUELCHING / BUBBLING

0:21:25 > 0:21:30Oh, no. Oh, Colin, not again. We've just had your uniform dry-cleaned!

0:21:30 > 0:21:33Clear the aisle, please! I have to perform an emergency evacuation!

0:21:33 > 0:21:36Trolley coming through! Hold it in, Colin, hold it in.

0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Just a minute. - I don't know if I can, Malcolm.

0:21:39 > 0:21:42- It's coming!- Oh, there is it.

0:21:53 > 0:21:55Dinner for table number one.

0:22:20 > 0:22:23SMASHING

0:22:27 > 0:22:29Your food.

0:22:31 > 0:22:34Would you like any drinks?

0:22:34 > 0:22:37- No.- No, we'll be fine, thank you. - We're absolutely fine.

0:22:43 > 0:22:47- Good morning! - It's the afternoon.- Is it?

0:22:47 > 0:22:51I do not care because today I shall break a world record!

0:22:51 > 0:22:54- If you don't mind, I'm rather busy...- Just think,

0:22:54 > 0:22:57when I break a world record, I'll be out of your hair forever!

0:22:58 > 0:23:02- Yes. Yes, I'm all ears. - Today I shall be attempting to break

0:23:02 > 0:23:05the world record for the world's most identical twins.

0:23:05 > 0:23:07I'm pretty sure you need someone else.

0:23:07 > 0:23:11I would like to introduce you to my identical twin brother, Mike!

0:23:16 > 0:23:20- Pretty amazing, eh?- In a word, no.

0:23:20 > 0:23:24What are you on about? Look at him! Look at me! We've both got two eyes!

0:23:24 > 0:23:27Our ears are both on either side of our heads

0:23:27 > 0:23:29and our noses are in the same place, both of our mouths

0:23:29 > 0:23:32are full of these hard white things.

0:23:32 > 0:23:35Teeth. They're called teeth. I'm sorry, that is just not good enough.

0:23:35 > 0:23:39I've got two eyes and two ears but we're far from being identical.

0:23:39 > 0:23:42He has! We could be triplets! Long-lost triplets!

0:23:42 > 0:23:46How can we ever make up the time? Think of all the years we've lost!

0:23:46 > 0:23:50- I'll give you this, you're both identically irritating.- I told you.

0:23:50 > 0:23:53Today we shall break a world record!

0:23:53 > 0:23:56Right, well, the first test of how identical you are is height.

0:23:56 > 0:24:00I'm afraid if you fail this, you haven't broken the record.

0:24:00 > 0:24:02Bring it on!

0:24:06 > 0:24:09- Uh-huh.- Aha!

0:24:18 > 0:24:22Ah. Well, what a surprise. You aren't the same height.

0:24:22 > 0:24:26- How tall am I?- One metre 60. - How tall is he?- Two metres 30.

0:24:26 > 0:24:29BOTH: Ohh! So close!

0:24:29 > 0:24:32Are you sure that tape measure's working?

0:24:32 > 0:24:34Course number seven.

0:24:39 > 0:24:42# Hey, hey, hey

0:24:42 > 0:24:43# Hey, hey, hey

0:24:43 > 0:24:46# You know I can do it better than you

0:24:46 > 0:24:49# I can do it even better in broken heels

0:24:49 > 0:24:53# Hey, hey, hey

0:24:53 > 0:24:55# Hey, hey, hey

0:24:55 > 0:24:58# All the ladies tell the fellas we can do what they can do

0:24:58 > 0:24:59# And we can do it even better...

0:24:59 > 0:25:04I'm very sorry but we've run out of big cake.

0:25:06 > 0:25:08Can I get you anything else?

0:25:10 > 0:25:14- Absolutely lovely day! - Beautiful weather!- Yes!

0:25:14 > 0:25:18- Oh, good day, tiny fellow! - What are you doing near a lake?

0:25:18 > 0:25:21- Oh, pedalos. - Oh, that's nice. We love dogs!

0:25:21 > 0:25:25Yes! Especially poodles. We'll take the whole lot! Wrapped.

0:25:25 > 0:25:29- No, no, no, pedalos.- Pedicure? - Piccolo?- Boogaloo?- Higgle-piggle?

0:25:29 > 0:25:32Peddle-powered boats. Take a trip around the lake?

0:25:32 > 0:25:35- How charming!- I could do with building up my thigh strength.

0:25:35 > 0:25:38Got to be in tip-top condition for a weightlifting competition.

0:25:38 > 0:25:42- I'm hoping to impress Dr Conway with my clean and jerk!- Ooh!

0:25:42 > 0:25:44So we will take a go on one of your portaloos.

0:25:44 > 0:25:48OK. Great. Would you like half an hour or a full hour?

0:25:48 > 0:25:51- How could we possibly know?- I only had three cakes and a meringue

0:25:51 > 0:25:55for elevenses! Who knows how long I'll last on your piddle pool?

0:25:55 > 0:25:57I need to know how much to charge you.

0:25:57 > 0:26:01- Ohh!- Money?- Lucra! - Cash?- Bread!- Coinage?

0:26:01 > 0:26:03Oh, I should've known this shifty fellow

0:26:03 > 0:26:08- would try to cheat us out of our precious coins!- You fiscal ferret!

0:26:08 > 0:26:12- Nothing's free these days.- No! Apart from the wifi in the internet cafe.

0:26:12 > 0:26:15- And you have to have a computer to eat that!- Yes!

0:26:15 > 0:26:18When I go in there, I can hear it inside my head. It goes...

0:26:18 > 0:26:23- Screeee! - Dang-dang-dang! Ahhhh-ee-ahhhh!

0:26:23 > 0:26:25- Brrrr-ding!- Padaaaah!

0:26:25 > 0:26:29- In the end, it turned out Prudith's coffee was too hot.- I burnt my face!

0:26:29 > 0:26:32- I tell you, these portaloos won't come cheap, either.- Oh, no.

0:26:32 > 0:26:36- It'll be double if you want to peddle.- Extra for the lifejacket.

0:26:36 > 0:26:39There'll be all sorts of money for those ducks!

0:26:39 > 0:26:43- All this water will need to be moved.- It will do! And removed!

0:26:43 > 0:26:45I shouldn't think you'll get much change out of £1,000.

0:26:45 > 0:26:49- £1,000?- It's what these things cost these days!

0:26:49 > 0:26:52- Well, it's too much, £1,000! - No, look, ladies, it's £3...

0:26:52 > 0:26:56- £1,000!- It's too much, £1,000! - It's absurd, £1,000!

0:26:56 > 0:27:00I won't pay it, £1,000, just to peddle on your floaty boats!

0:27:00 > 0:27:04Are you insane? Come, Jasmine. We shall book ourselves a cruise

0:27:04 > 0:27:07to the Bahamas on one of those popular diamond yachts!

0:27:07 > 0:27:10I hope somebody puts a pepper in your pillow

0:27:10 > 0:27:13- and piddles on your poodle-pond! - Good day!

0:27:13 > 0:27:17I loved you in Mission Impossible! It's Tom Cruise, we met Tom Cruise.

0:27:17 > 0:27:19Jasper!

0:27:19 > 0:27:22Jasper! Jasper!

0:27:24 > 0:27:27You haven't seen my dog, have you? I let him off the lead for a minute

0:27:27 > 0:27:30- and he's disappeared. - OK, what does he look like?

0:27:30 > 0:27:34- He's quite big, he's white with black spots.- Isn't that him there?

0:27:36 > 0:27:38Ohh! One more go, come on. Here we go.

0:27:40 > 0:27:43- Yes! Ha-ha!- Jasper!

0:27:43 > 0:27:46- Ohh!- You naughty boy!

0:27:46 > 0:27:48I've been so worried about you!

0:27:48 > 0:27:51- We've still got 20 minutes on the court!- What did you say?

0:27:51 > 0:27:54Er...woof. Definitely woof.

0:27:57 > 0:28:00- I'm Eddie Big! - Tony take it, it's mine.

0:28:00 > 0:28:05- I'll get you, Philippe! - Witch! She's a witch!

0:28:05 > 0:28:07Maybe my bees can help.

0:28:07 > 0:28:10- £1,000!- £1,000!

0:28:10 > 0:28:12BOTH: In your imagination!

0:28:12 > 0:28:16Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk

0:28:16 > 0:28:16.