0:00:00 > 0:00:02# La, la, la, la, la, la
0:00:02 > 0:00:05# La, la, la, la, la
0:00:05 > 0:00:08# La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# La, la, la, la, la
0:00:13 > 0:00:15# La, la, la, la, la, la
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# La, la, la, la, la, la, la. #
0:00:20 > 0:00:22SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:00:22 > 0:00:24- OMG, Sades!- Yeah, Jades?
0:00:24 > 0:00:28- Know what's hot right now?- What's hot right now?- Lady Gaga is so hot.
0:00:28 > 0:00:32- Lady Gaga is so hot. - Lady Gaga is so hot right now.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Oh, she's like totally amazable and things.
0:00:34 > 0:00:39And she makes up words and stuff. And when she says like, # Gaga woo rah-rah #
0:00:39 > 0:00:41and people are like, "What does it mean?" She's like, "It's art."
0:00:41 > 0:00:46She's totally like making noises and blowing the squares' minds!
0:00:46 > 0:00:50Totes! And like she wears really weird stuff on her head.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52And it's like really LOL random.
0:00:52 > 0:00:58She'll like wear something totally random on her head. And next day it's something else random.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Like a weird pair of tights or some meat or something.
0:01:00 > 0:01:05And imagine if like the Gaga was like your friend and she came to your house!
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Like on a Saturday when your friends come over
0:01:08 > 0:01:11and you're hanging out in your jim-jams, watching Strictly Come Dancing?
0:01:11 > 0:01:16And she comes dressed like an ant and want to do all her own songs on Songstar?
0:01:18 > 0:01:21OMG. And she'd like totes laugh at your pyjamas!
0:01:21 > 0:01:25You'd be like, "Gaga, chill. This is like girl time.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28"Hanging out in our jim-jams and doing some face packs.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30"And you like scream of effort."
0:01:30 > 0:01:34Lady Gaga is like so cry hard and effort and stuff.
0:01:34 > 0:01:40- And I've heard she sings all her songs through a robot. - Robots are so not hot.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43- The Gaga is so not hot.- So not hot.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44- So...- not...- hot.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Eughh!
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Well, all these cakes look absolutely marvellous.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51But who's won?
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Well, it's time to award the prizes.
0:01:54 > 0:02:00And in third place, this beautiful Madeira cake
0:02:00 > 0:02:02is cake number five.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Oh! Well, in second place,
0:02:09 > 0:02:12a really rich chocolatey beast,
0:02:12 > 0:02:14is cake number three.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Oh! Um...
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Well, at least we can award first prize
0:02:24 > 0:02:27to this wonderful light and moist
0:02:27 > 0:02:28cream sensation.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34It's really good. Really good.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36This is definitely the one.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39First prize.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44What?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00That's better.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- Merry lunch time to you.- Hello.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07So you'll be wanting lunch. Are you a healthy young man?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Be careful. It could be a trap.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Yes. Lunch. Healthy.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Yeah. So you'll need your five a day.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Yes, of course. Five a day.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19That's what I'll have. Five portions of veg, please.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21A healthy choice, young man.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23One...
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Two...
0:03:26 > 0:03:28- Pineapple?!- What did you say?
0:03:31 > 0:03:32I said it's lovely.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37..Three.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40..Four.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43There's only four there. Where's number five?
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Oh. You want number five, do you?
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- What are you doing? - Do you want number five?
0:03:50 > 0:03:52No, it's fine, honestly.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54ALARM BLEEPS
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Lettuce?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00That's not so bad.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02So lettuce is number five?
0:04:02 > 0:04:03No, no, no.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08That's number five!
0:04:08 > 0:04:09Ha, ha, ha!
0:04:12 > 0:04:17- Then he turned into a giant robot with guns for arms!- Boo-boo-boo!
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- What were we talking about? - No idea. Have another sandwich.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Always!
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- DOORBELL - Oh, whoever could that be?
0:04:25 > 0:04:27MUFFLED SPEECH
0:04:27 > 0:04:30I don't think it is Simon Cowell in just his pants,
0:04:30 > 0:04:32but we'll have a look.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Oh, it's young Neville!
0:04:35 > 0:04:39- Oh, your nephew. Has he come to apologise?- What for?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- Young people are always up to something.- Very true.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- What have you done? - He hasn't done anything.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47- Who are you? - I'm Neville's scout leader.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50We're going around collecting sponsorship.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- Spinster's hip?- Monster ship? - Skinny dip.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55No, no. Sponsorship. Tell them, Neville.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59- FEEBLY:- I'm running a half-marathon for charity.- I love a run!
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- Really?- Yes, absolutely adore a run!
0:05:02 > 0:05:05I often get up early in the morning and have a run
0:05:05 > 0:05:08and then maybe have ten more runs during the day.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11No, dear. You're thinking of a bun! You love a bun!
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Yes, I do love a bun. I've got sticky lips.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17OK. I take it you'll be sponsoring Neville.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- He was worried about asking you. - They're weird!
0:05:20 > 0:05:25I always say it's worth asking family first, isn't it? Charity begins at home.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29No! Charity begins with a C. Like cage-fighter.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32So, tell us. What will this sponsoring involve?
0:05:32 > 0:05:36Will we have to chuck a stick for him and he'll run after it?
0:05:36 > 0:05:39We could chase him with a stick. That'll make him run harder!
0:05:39 > 0:05:44No, just decide how much you're willing to pay per mile for him to run, then we add up...
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Look what you've done!
0:05:46 > 0:05:49- Did he say what I thought he said? - "Willing to pay"!
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- Willing...- ..to pay! - To pay!- Willing to pay!
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- Money?- Nothing's free these days.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56- Apart from my bra.- Is it?
0:05:56 > 0:06:00Yes. I found it in a bin. Both bags were filled with rubble.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04Thought I smelt something. This sponsorship won't be cheap.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08- You'll have to pay a pound per mile. - And extra for kilometres.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- And the use of the legs.- And the running hat.- And running shoes.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15- Running water.- The running face that goes like this...
0:06:15 > 0:06:17That's expensive!
0:06:17 > 0:06:21I shouldn't think, when it's all added up, you'll get change from £1,000!
0:06:21 > 0:06:26- A thousand pounds?- I'd say that. - It's too much, £1,000.- Ridiculous.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28I suppose it's what it costs.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32- Most people are donating about five pounds.- A thousand pounds!
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- £1,000 is absurd!- It's disgusting!
0:06:35 > 0:06:41Come, we shall charter flights to the 2018 Commonwealth Games in Sri Lanka!
0:06:41 > 0:06:46We will stay in a luxurious hotel and book a private box
0:06:46 > 0:06:48and watch proper runners, not you!
0:06:48 > 0:06:53I hope you call at somebody's house explaining this sponsorship nonsense
0:06:53 > 0:06:59and they reply by saying, "Thing is, I support a lot of other charities, so I'll leave it."
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Go away!
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Then come back. You're very sweet.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Snap!!
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Did I win?
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Wait! Hello!
0:07:59 > 0:08:01- Do you go to the high street?- £1.40.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05I need to get to the dry cleaner's, you see.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09I sat on a park bench and didn't notice it was wet paint.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13It's no picnic getting paint out of silk, I can tell you.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16£1.40.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17Sorry.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Just one moment. There's ten.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24That's 30.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Sorry.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Sorry.
0:08:30 > 0:08:3134.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Oh, that's a Norwegian kroner.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35I don't know how that...
0:08:35 > 0:08:37I'll tip it out.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Oh.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Looks like I've actually only got £1.39.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Don't suppose you could, um...
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Fine.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51- Here's a tenner.- Sorry, mate. I don't give change.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53What?!
0:08:53 > 0:08:56"Exact change only"?
0:08:56 > 0:08:59If you pay with a tenner, I can't give you any money back.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03£10 for a journey into town? That's not fair!
0:09:03 > 0:09:08- Nothing I can do about it.- Could you let me off the one penny?- Listen,
0:09:08 > 0:09:10mate, you want to get on this bus,
0:09:10 > 0:09:14you pay full fare. Otherwise, you get off. I've got passengers waiting.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Fine.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19OK.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Witch! She's a witch!
0:09:27 > 0:09:29CHANTING: Witch! Witch! Witch!
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Witch! Witch! Witch!
0:09:36 > 0:09:40Hee-hee! Witch! Witch!
0:09:40 > 0:09:41Witch! Witch!
0:09:41 > 0:09:45RHYTHMIC CHANT: Witch! Witch!
0:09:48 > 0:09:52There we go! £1.39.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Oh!
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Can anyone drive a bus?
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Well, um, I suppose I'll walk.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04It's a nice day for a walk.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06RIPPING SOUND
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Oh, no!
0:10:09 > 0:10:11The paint's still wet!
0:10:14 > 0:10:19Right, well, the tests are back and I'm afraid to say you've got MTS,
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- or Movie Trailer Syndrome. - He was an ordinary man
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- with an extraordinary secret.- Yeah.
0:10:25 > 0:10:30You'll say everything as if it's the tag line for a summer blockbuster film.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33She was a doctor, who didn't play it by the rules.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35No, I'm just a doctor.
0:10:35 > 0:10:40In a world where you don't know the answer, sometimes you've got to be wrong to be right.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43I'm going to give you a course of tablets.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46In a world that didn't make any sense,
0:10:46 > 0:10:50being crazy was the only way to be sane.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52I'll double the dose.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56Double Dose, starring Jack Lee and Jackie Chan.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Sounds good, actually. Where's it on?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02I don't think it exists. I...
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Mum! Dad!
0:11:06 > 0:11:08I'm going to the school play.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Aghh!
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Well, you didn't think we'd let you go without wishing you luck?
0:11:13 > 0:11:19- Thanks.- Because, goodness me, you're going to need all the luck you can get.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- Why?- Acting in the school play?
0:11:22 > 0:11:24- So much could go wrong.- Could it?
0:11:24 > 0:11:29- You could forget your lines. - Trip over the set. - Burp during a quiet serious bit.
0:11:29 > 0:11:34The play's called Mr Windy Silly Trousers. There are no quiet serious bits!
0:11:34 > 0:11:39Anyway, everything could all go wrong and you'd be in front of the whole school,
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- humiliated.- People would laugh - at you, not with.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46- Then they'd call you things like "Mr Forgetty Lines." - Captain Trip-Over Set.
0:11:47 > 0:11:52- That's if anyone's still talking to you.- Then your disastrous error would play on your mind
0:11:52 > 0:11:55possibly ruining the entire rest of your life.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Hardly the most encouraging send-off!
0:11:58 > 0:12:01- Just thinking of you, son. - Trying to stop you from messing up.
0:12:01 > 0:12:05- Are you coming to watch? - Oh, no, we're going to stay in
0:12:05 > 0:12:08and watch some proper actors on TV.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Well, I probably won't go and do the play, then.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15- I'll just stay in and watch television.- That's the spirit, son.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Quit while you're ahead.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21No. I'm going to do the play and I'm going to do it really, really well.
0:12:21 > 0:12:26- So brave.- Frankly, if it all goes well, I'll eat my hat.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38- I'm back!- Oh. How did it go?
0:12:38 > 0:12:41It was great! I got a standing ovation,
0:12:41 > 0:12:45and there was a Hollywood agent there who signed me as the next James Bond.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48And Harry Potter. And I got an Oscar.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51So... Are you going to eat your hat?
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Eat your hat!
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Pass the ketchup.
0:13:13 > 0:13:14If you want my advice,
0:13:14 > 0:13:18never ask the ice cream man what the rhinoceros flavour is.
0:13:23 > 0:13:28Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, step right up for the thrill of a lifetime!
0:13:28 > 0:13:30A chance to have a go in a hot air balloon!
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Excuse me.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35- Yo!- Can I have a go?- Sorry. What?
0:13:35 > 0:13:38I'd like a go in the hot air balloon. How much?
0:13:38 > 0:13:42Oh, you know, we are really busy. Don't know if I can fit you in.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Join the queue.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Oh. OK.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Excuse me, is this the queue?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Yeah.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57- Aren't I at the front of it? - I suppose you are, yeah.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Brilliant. How high does the balloon go? It's so exciting.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04I'll tell you what, instead of going in a hot air balloon,
0:14:04 > 0:14:07why not go canoeing on the river instead?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Almost the same thing.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- It's not the same at all!- It is.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13They go along, you go up.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17All right. How about going on a nature trail?
0:14:17 > 0:14:20You can see badgers, this time of year. Badgers.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- Badgers?- This time of year.- Hang on.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Do you not want me to go in the balloon?
0:14:25 > 0:14:29You think because I'm a snowman you can treat me as a second-class citizen?
0:14:29 > 0:14:34No, it's just that this, as its name implies is a HOT AIR balloon.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38Call the newspapers. Get the TV crews down here.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Prejudice alive and well in the world of ballooning!
0:14:41 > 0:14:45- All right, all right! You can have a go. All right?- Good.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Ha! Thank you!
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Is this really as high as it goes?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00This is rubbish. I've been on ladders higher than this!
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- Sorry.- But I've seen balloons go really high in the sky.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- Don't you pull on this to make it go up?- Not a good idea!
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Don't start that again, Buster.
0:15:10 > 0:15:16I've paid my money and if I say we're going higher, we're going higher. Out my way.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19You might want to stand back. The flames get a bit...
0:15:24 > 0:15:29Yeah, now that I think about it, hot air ballooning isn't for me.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32I'll probably go on the nature trail instead.
0:15:32 > 0:15:38Um, do you happen to know where I can get hold of some coal, a carrot maybe?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- No?- Nah.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- Sorry.- OK.- Sorry.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Do we have to come outside? It's supposed to be my birthday treat.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51And this is a treat. A lovely game of French "bow-les".
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Ah, les boules! J'adore les boules!
0:15:54 > 0:15:55- Formidable!- "Boules"?
0:15:55 > 0:16:00It would be wonderful if Philippe could teach us a traditional French pastime.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04Lots of boys would be delighted to have an exchange student here!
0:16:04 > 0:16:09He's your exchange student! He's been here for 20 years!
0:16:09 > 0:16:11It's my birthday. I wanted to go for pizza.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15That would hardly be fair on Philippe, eating a food he doesn't understand.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Now, how do we...
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Philippe, how...
0:16:20 > 0:16:21- Quoi?- How playez?- Quoi?
0:16:21 > 0:16:24The bow-les. I think I remember.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28I think the point of the game is you get this white ball and throw it as far as you can
0:16:28 > 0:16:32and then you have to get the other balls as close to it as possible.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34OK.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37GLASS SMASHES IN DISTANCE
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Idiot!
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- Sorry?- Idiot!- Again?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- Simpleton!- I don't know what you're saying.
0:16:44 > 0:16:50I think you got it wrong. You're supposed to throw it a shorter distance.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55There, we're learning already!
0:16:55 > 0:17:01I'll just get us a couple of rotisserie chickens to snack on and you two crack on!
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- Yes! Take that!- Beginner's luck!
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Hey, you can't do that!
0:17:19 > 0:17:21I can. I can do what I want. It's my game.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23That is so unfair!
0:17:23 > 0:17:28One of these days, Dad is going to find out that you can speak English
0:17:28 > 0:17:29and you're a cheat!
0:17:29 > 0:17:32No, he is not, Danny. I've told you before.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36You keep your mouth shut. Fermez la bouche!
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Or quoi?
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Now, then, who wants a lovely rotisserie chicken?
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Aghh! Aghh!
0:17:43 > 0:17:44Mon pied!
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Whatever is going on here?
0:17:46 > 0:17:50Le boule de Denis sur mon pied! Aghh!
0:17:50 > 0:17:54You've dropped a ball onto his foot?!
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- No! He did it! - Non, non, c'etait lui!
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Lui! Le boule de Danny sur mon pied!
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Pourquoi, Danny? Pourquoi?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04He's hardly going to drop a ball on his own foot.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07I suppose you did it because he was winning, did you?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10He wasn't! He can speak Eng...
0:18:10 > 0:18:12No, not another word.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15No rotisserie chicken for you. Bed.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Rien de poulet pour vous! Bonne anniversaire, Danny!
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- Au revoir!- I'm going to get you, Philippe Lavavaseur!
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Oh, what's that smell?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Oh, that's high!
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Ooh, what is that?
0:18:33 > 0:18:34That's distinctive!
0:18:37 > 0:18:39What IS that?
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- Spearmint?- No.- Lavender?- No.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44- Gunpowder?- No.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46- It's candles.- Nonsense!
0:18:46 > 0:18:50Ooh! Nonsense? My nose does not tell nonsense.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Happy birthday!
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Goodness gracious!
0:18:58 > 0:19:00You? 12? Pull the other one!
0:19:07 > 0:19:12Emily and Monty Forrest, two of the country's least successful theatre performers,
0:19:12 > 0:19:15are mounting their very own production.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17They'll produce, direct and star in the show.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19They'll also build the set.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Good morning!
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Or as we say in musical theatre,
0:19:26 > 0:19:29# Good morning, good morning, good, good, good morning
0:19:29 > 0:19:32# Good morning, good morning, good morning to you
0:19:32 > 0:19:34# Good morning, good morning
0:19:34 > 0:19:38# G-O-O-D morning
0:19:38 > 0:19:39# He-e-ey! #
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Such a precious gift she has.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- I shall never abuse me power! - Absolutely not.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46But we're not singing or dancing today.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Wup! Better put them away!
0:19:48 > 0:19:52Indeedio! Because today's more hands on. A bit more practical.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56- Because we're building a set. - Every good show needs a set.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00- Because we couldn't afford to get anybody in...- A-hem!
0:20:00 > 0:20:05Yes. Because we made the artistique decision to build all our own stuff,
0:20:05 > 0:20:07I've knocked this up. All my own work.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09It's only just the beginning!
0:20:09 > 0:20:12But you'd better not lean against that.
0:20:12 > 0:20:17Yeah. Unfortunately, Emily, my hand is stuck to it.
0:20:17 > 0:20:23- Fresh varnish.- He's such a silly buffoon!- I'm a colossal goat!
0:20:23 > 0:20:27- It's OK. I can probably prise it off with my other hand.- Monty, no!
0:20:27 > 0:20:30That is surprisingly sticky varnish.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33It's all right. I'll just live here.
0:20:34 > 0:20:39After a mild technical setback, Emily and Monty are back in action.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41How's it going, Emily?
0:20:42 > 0:20:45We're all sorted now.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Soon got Monty out of that little fix.com, didn't we?
0:20:48 > 0:20:50No worries, mate!
0:20:50 > 0:20:52You barely notice it.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- That varnish should unstick itself in a matter of...- Hours.- Weeks.
0:20:55 > 0:21:01Time waits for no man, nay lady. We'd better get cracking. We've got to build the set for the house.
0:21:01 > 0:21:06That house won't build itself. That falls to Emily Forrest and Monty Flaphands!
0:21:22 > 0:21:25A few hours later, Emily and Monty have made up in enthusiasm
0:21:25 > 0:21:28for what they lack in any sort of skill.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32- Are you pleased with your work? - Oh, I'm as pleased as Punch,
0:21:32 > 0:21:35if Punch has woken up on Christmas morning
0:21:35 > 0:21:39and discovered he's got everything he asked for plus extra pudding, high-five me!
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Ouch!
0:21:41 > 0:21:42It may not look like much,
0:21:42 > 0:21:46but this thing is as strong as Mr Strong from the Mr Men!
0:21:46 > 0:21:48It could withstand a hurricane!
0:21:57 > 0:22:02Not put off by the previous two failures or the failures before that,
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Emily and Monty work tirelessly at their set.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07- All done, Emily?- Yes, indeedy-pops.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10The set for our spectacular opening is...
0:22:10 > 0:22:12da-da-da-da... done!
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Tell you what, this one is going nowhere.
0:22:15 > 0:22:16It's stronger than an Oxo cube!
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Tell you what, Montague, what thee and me need
0:22:19 > 0:22:21is a nice cup of the Rosie Lee!
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Decode! She means tea!
0:22:25 > 0:22:27It might have taken us ten hours, Monty,
0:22:27 > 0:22:30but we've got ourselves a really good set.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Do you think we've got it?
0:22:31 > 0:22:34We've definitely got it!
0:22:42 > 0:22:46Having trouble getting reception on your mobile phone?
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Tried everywhere in the house and you can't get any bars?
0:22:49 > 0:22:52That's because you're using a potato, you fool!
0:22:52 > 0:22:56Just because you've written numbers on it, doesn't make it a phone.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59What are you cooking there?
0:23:00 > 0:23:03That's your phone, you total buffoon!
0:23:03 > 0:23:05You're cooking your phone and dialling a potato!
0:23:05 > 0:23:09Get out of my sight! You're so silly, you make me sick.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18Oh, what? What the blazes has gone on here?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Me whites are all pink!
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Oh, I don't believe it!
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Stupid big red pants!
0:23:28 > 0:23:30They're not mine!
0:23:30 > 0:23:33- Whose stupid big red pants are these?- Just keep quiet!
0:23:33 > 0:23:36- Nothing embarrassing going on here. - Answer me!
0:23:36 > 0:23:38What's all this racket? What's going on?
0:23:38 > 0:23:43There's a problem with me whites! Someone has got their big red pants
0:23:43 > 0:23:47mixed in with my whites and now they're all pink!
0:23:47 > 0:23:50You've no idea whose pants they are? Are there any clues?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52What do I look like? Nancy Drawers?
0:23:52 > 0:23:55The underwear detective?
0:23:55 > 0:23:56Oh, no.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Hang on, there's a label on here.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Lou... Louis... Louise.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Is anybody here called Louise?
0:24:04 > 0:24:07If so, you've lost your big red pants!
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Don't draw attention to yourself.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10Nobody knows your name.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Right. I'll ask this one more time.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Is there somebody here who's called Louise
0:24:16 > 0:24:22who's lost their big red pants, who's put her big red pants in my washing
0:24:22 > 0:24:26thereby ruining my washing and also has her name
0:24:26 > 0:24:29in her pants?
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Um, well, maybe nobody's noticed.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48- Hello!- Oh, I was wondering when you were going to turn up.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50You're normally here earlier.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53I've been preparing. I wanted to get this one just right.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57Today I'll attempt to break the world record for the high jump.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58Right.
0:24:59 > 0:25:04Patricia, can I have the world record for the high jump, please?
0:25:05 > 0:25:09- Do you watch Junior Apprentice? - No. I've never heard of it.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Don't worry about it. Fine.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12PHONE RINGS
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Yes?
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Thank you, Patricia. Patricia, you're fired!
0:25:19 > 0:25:24The world record for the high jump stands at two metres, 45 centimetres.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27- Hah! Easy! I could do that sitting down.- Really?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29But I'll do it the normal way first.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31- Excellent.- I'll just get my stuff.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34It's outside in my bag.
0:25:40 > 0:25:41There we go.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42Right.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Just do my run up.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Come on, Matt! Here we go!
0:25:51 > 0:25:54World record-tastic!
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Here we go!
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Ahhh!
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Yes! I've done it!
0:26:01 > 0:26:03I've finally broken the world record!
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Wa-hey! Where's my certificate?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Oh, speech.
0:26:07 > 0:26:12I'd like to thank my family for sticking by me, even though we've not spoken in a while.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16There's a lot of love going out to my two pet fish, Charles and Eddie.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19You're big guys, and you've been there for me.
0:26:19 > 0:26:25- I could not have done it without the help of this man here.- You're supposed to jump over the bar.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27What?! That's impossible!
0:26:27 > 0:26:29That's why it's a world record!
0:26:29 > 0:26:30Right.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Um...
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Look over there, it's Alesha Dixon out of Strictly Come Dancing
0:26:35 > 0:26:37doing a dance!
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Done it! Over the bar!
0:26:42 > 0:26:43No. I saw you move the bar.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46- Did you?- Yes.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48How high did I do?
0:26:49 > 0:26:5130 centimetres.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53- What's the record? - Two metres 45 centimetres.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Ooh! So close!
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Oh!
0:27:02 > 0:27:04- I'll get all this stuff out, I suppose.- Yeah.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Hello. I'm sorry, I've lost my dog.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12Somebody said they'd seen him round here. I'm worried about him.
0:27:12 > 0:27:18- Big dog, white with black spots? - Yes.- We saw him wandering about lost. He's through here.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24There you are! Naughty Jasper!
0:27:24 > 0:27:26You had me worried.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Oh!
0:27:28 > 0:27:31I had Andy Murray to match point!
0:27:31 > 0:27:33What did you say?
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Um, er, woof!
0:27:35 > 0:27:37I definitely said woof.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41# La, la, la, la, la, la. #
0:27:42 > 0:27:44It's mine!
0:27:44 > 0:27:47I'll get you, Philippe!
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Witch! She's a witch!
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Maybe my bees can help.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53- A thousand pounds! - A thousand pounds!
0:27:53 > 0:27:56In your imagination!