0:00:20 > 0:00:22- Hullo, what can I get you? - A hot dog.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25- Right, ketchup, onions, mustard? - Just ketchup.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28There. One hot dog with onions and mustard.
0:00:28 > 0:00:29I wanted ketchup.
0:00:29 > 0:00:34- Oh, there you go. That'll be £2.50. - I don't want onions and mustard.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36- No?- Yeah.- Yes there are.- What?
0:00:36 > 0:00:38There's onions and mustard right there.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40I don't want onions and mustard.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Right! My mistake, sorry, I'll get you another one.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45One hot dog with mustard and onions.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48- I said I no onions and mustard. - So I gave you mustard and onions.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51- That's the same. - No, I put the onions on first.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52I don't want mustard and onions.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Make your mind up!
0:00:54 > 0:00:59- I don't like either of them. I just want ketchup.- Oh, right.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04- What are you doing? - Giving you just ketchup.
0:01:04 > 0:01:09- I don't want just ketchup. - You want onions and mustard as well.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Stop putting food in my hands!
0:01:12 > 0:01:16Oh, you want me to put it straight in your mouth.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19- Stop it!- OK.- Listen to me! - Happy to, let's get this sorted.
0:01:19 > 0:01:24- I would like, a jumbo hot dog, in a hot dog roll.- Oh, right.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26With no onions.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28- But loads of mustard!- No!
0:01:28 > 0:01:32- No onions, like you said.- Aaargh!
0:01:32 > 0:01:34- Absolutely. Ketchup?- Aaagh!
0:01:34 > 0:01:38- Something wrong? - I don't like mustard.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42Oh right! One hot dog roll, yeah?
0:01:42 > 0:01:45With one hot dog in.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47- I'm sorry.- What now?
0:01:47 > 0:01:49I'm out of hot dogs.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05SLOW DRUMMING
0:02:25 > 0:02:29SQUEALING
0:02:30 > 0:02:35OMG. This cinnamon plumping lip gloss is like, so hot right now.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37It's so hot right now.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- OMG, Jade?- Sade's?- It says here that legs are in this summer.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44- Legs are in?- Legs are in. - Know what's so hot right now?
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- What?- Legs, legs are so in. - Legs are so in. What's out?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- It says here, bums.- Bums?- Yeah.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52- The skinny jean trend means that legs are in and...- Bums are out.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56- Bums are out.- Legs are in. - In?- In.- Out.- Out.- Tot's.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Legs are SO hot right now.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Legs are hot cos you can, like, put tights on your legs and trousers?
0:03:02 > 0:03:05- You can't, like, put that on a bum? - What is a bum even for?
0:03:05 > 0:03:08It's like, I'm so tot's over bums,
0:03:08 > 0:03:12like all we want know are celebrity legs, like fashionista legs?
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Legs are like vital for a transeasonal wardrobe.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- OMG, but you know who's got legs? - Who's got legs?
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- Dannii Minogue.- Oh, Dannii Minogue? Urgh, she's so not hot.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Dannii Minogue so has legs.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26You know who else has legs? Mrs Baker that does Geography.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28OMG. She's like, so tot's not hot.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Leg's are so not hot.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- Not hot?- Not.- Hot.- Urgh.- Urgh. - BELL RINGS
0:03:34 > 0:03:39- Yoo-hoo! Little man.- We're here for our 2.30 appointment with Guido.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40- What?- I'm having a shampoo and set.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44I'm having a rinse, highlights and dreadlock extensions.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46If there's time, they'll shave her back.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47You're in the wrong place.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50But this, surely, is Guido's lady hair salon.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54- Where's Guido?- Probably out back, waxing his pompadour.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57The tease. The Italian accent, the moustache that goes on forever.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59The missing eye.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02I think you're in the wrong place. This is an ice rink.
0:04:02 > 0:04:07- Spice drink?- Rice honk?- Lice place. - I stink.- Oh, you do.- Yes, I know.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09No, no, an ICE rink.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13I mean, it doesn't even look remotely like a hair dressers.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17I did wonder why Guido had installed a massive, frozen, watery thing
0:04:17 > 0:04:19where all the hairdryers used to be.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22- I'm sure it said hairdressers outside.- I read the sign.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- Mind you, neither of us can read. - No.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- So what's your icy splink for? - Oh, people skate around.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- Yes, then what? - That's it, just skate around.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33- Is there a reward at the end? - No.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34What's the point of that?
0:04:34 > 0:04:38I never do a thing without the promise of a glazed ham.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41You know, skating's fun, it's fast, it's good exercise.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45- We do like things that are fun. - Certainly do. Fun is my middle name.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- No it isn't. It's Lennox. - Technically, yes.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- Lennox? - It was a mix-up at the christening.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- A fight.- So, two adults for a skating session.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55You'll need to hire skates?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- Come again?- Beg pardon?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- Do what, chief?- Hire? HIRE?
0:04:59 > 0:05:01As in, grant the use of
0:05:01 > 0:05:04for a temporary period of time for an agreed sum of money?
0:05:04 > 0:05:06You need to hire skates, and pay for the session.
0:05:06 > 0:05:12Pay? Why, you sneaky, slidey, skatey, snake-oil salesman, you.
0:05:12 > 0:05:17- Nothing's free these days.- Apart from hand dryers in the toilets.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20They won't dry clothes. Not with the state of my pants.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22This ice skooting malarkey won't come cheap.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24It'll be extra for the skoots.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- Twice as much if you want them on both feet.- More for the ice.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31They'll charge you to fall over. Double to get up again.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32Triple NOT to fall over.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36I would've thought you won't get much change out of £1,000.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38- £1,000?- I should say about £1,000.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- It's too much, £1,000. I shan't pay. - It's what these things cost.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44No, look, it's £4 for the skate hire...
0:05:44 > 0:05:46- Ah, £1,000.- He said it. - With his own mouth.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50There you go, £1000 just to slide about on your mouse rink
0:05:50 > 0:05:53without even the promise of a glazed ham at the end.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55It's shocking, £1000. I feel sick.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Come, Jasmine, let's book a cruise to the Antarctic,
0:05:58 > 0:06:00fly a private jet up a glacier
0:06:00 > 0:06:02and skate down on the back of a gold walrus.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06I hope you fall over on the ice and your tongue sticks to it,
0:06:06 > 0:06:08so the only way you can demand assistance
0:06:08 > 0:06:12is by shouting "Hulp! Hulp! Hulp!"
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- Good day!- Ah ha!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17This is where I say something nice.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21- Look at this place. - This place is absolutely amazing.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Look at the novelty hats.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Yeah! You know what? I'm going to get myself one.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28- All right.- Excuse me...
0:06:30 > 0:06:32What do you think?
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Erm...
0:06:33 > 0:06:35it's good.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Aaah, don't worry Danny.
0:06:37 > 0:06:42You don't think I'd leave my bestest pal in the whole world hatless?
0:06:42 > 0:06:43No, it's fine.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47I got you an extra special super-duper hat.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57I cannae wear that.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59But I bought it for you!
0:06:59 > 0:07:02My bestest pal in the whole world.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04It's the best one in the shop.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06It cost a fortune.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15- Oh, don't. - Don't you like my gift?
0:07:15 > 0:07:18It's massive, it's the biggest hat I've ever seen.
0:07:18 > 0:07:23Exactly, which means it's the best. I made it big.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27You know how cool we are right now? No-one's got hats like these.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Like, people are going to start following us, copying us.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33We are so cool right now. We're the best.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- Uurrgh.- We're kings.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Having trouble washing the car?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Bird's mess won't come off?
0:07:40 > 0:07:44That's because you're using a washing machine, you idiot.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46That's for clothes!
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Have you taken the whole car apart and rammed it in there?
0:07:49 > 0:07:54Well, it's a good thing. People like you don't deserve to be on the road.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Now get out of my sight! Some people.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Ah! I will never pull the sword from the stone, it's useless!
0:08:29 > 0:08:33I shall never become rightful King of England. That's irritating.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35That's really put a damper on my day.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- Maybe my bees can help. - I beg thy pardon?
0:08:38 > 0:08:41I said, maybe my bees can help.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45Sorry, I do not understand what you mean.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Bees are excellent stonemasons.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Using their tiny teeth and special mini hammers
0:08:51 > 0:08:54designed just for bees, my bees will fly around your rock
0:08:54 > 0:08:58and wear away at the stone until bada-boom-bada-buzz,
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- you grab the sword and become king. - That'll work, will it?
0:09:01 > 0:09:05Yes. I'll give them instructions and they'll fly to your aid,
0:09:05 > 0:09:08helping you become the rightful King of England.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Cracking!
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Buzz, buzz, buzz, lovely man, lovely hat.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Buzz, buzz, so wants to be king. Ha!
0:09:19 > 0:09:24Buzz, buzz, loosen the old sword, buzz, buzz, come out easily.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Ooh, almost forgot.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Buzz, buzz!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Now fly, my legend-loving beauties!
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- BEES BUZZ - No, aargh!
0:09:32 > 0:09:34No, ooh, ow!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Aargh! No, no!
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Well, I've looked at your results,
0:09:50 > 0:09:53and it looks to me as if you've got CMT.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57- Compulsive Musical Theatre Syndrome. - # Could it be me?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00# Can it be true? #
0:10:00 > 0:10:04Yes, and yes. Could you put your arms out for me?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Jazz hands, classic symptoms.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09# Doctor, doctor, tell me, what can you do?
0:10:09 > 0:10:12# Won't you give me a chance? Won't you give me a clue? #
0:10:14 > 0:10:16I'd like you to take these.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- What's this?- It's bad reviews of your performance.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23If you read two a day it should clear up pretty quickly.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Oh, and what does this word mean?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28- Turgid?- Is that good?
0:10:28 > 0:10:29No.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33- THUNDER - Hello? Hello?
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Is this the museum?
0:10:36 > 0:10:41I found this flyer on the back of a dog. Anyone?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- Ah!- Don't leave, you've only just arrived.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- You must leave before the moon is full.- Forgive Mr Faraway.
0:10:47 > 0:10:52He's undergoing his usual transition from a man into a werewolf.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54What a bind! What a bother!
0:10:54 > 0:10:57And you should see the hair I shed on the carpet.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Half man, half wolf, all fun. What a curse!
0:11:01 > 0:11:04HE HOWLS He's just a brave, little soldier.
0:11:04 > 0:11:05He won't miss a day at...
0:11:05 > 0:11:09BOTH: The museum of imagination!
0:11:09 > 0:11:11- Ah, so I am in the right place. - THUNDER
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Ah, good grief, my fingers, they've turned into hideous claws.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19- Not sure they have. - He seems quite unperturbed,
0:11:19 > 0:11:23but I must say you give me the heebie-jeebies.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- Could we get back to the museum? - Of imagination!
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Exactly. I feel I must lay my cards on the table.
0:11:30 > 0:11:35I knew it! He's a werewolf hunter, come to end me bloodline!
0:11:35 > 0:11:40Ah! Stay back! He is gentle, even though he is a monster.
0:11:42 > 0:11:48- No, I am a purchaser of antiquities, for an action house in London.- Ooh!
0:11:48 > 0:11:53I've come to see if there's anything you have that I might purchase.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Well, indeed, come this way.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Beneath this cloth, lies the tooth of Cerberus,
0:12:00 > 0:12:03the three-headed dog that guarded the gates to Hades.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05You can't be serious!
0:12:05 > 0:12:07I am serious and you shall see it
0:12:07 > 0:12:10in your imagination-tion-tion!
0:12:10 > 0:12:13It is witty and very amusing,
0:12:13 > 0:12:16but I'm not sure I can buy it for the auction house.
0:12:16 > 0:12:21The hair! Look at the hair, sprouting all over my body.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24I am no longer a man.
0:12:24 > 0:12:29- I wouldn't say you were any hairier than when I came in.- Oh!
0:12:29 > 0:12:31If only there were more like you,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34the world would be a safer place for us lycanthropes.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38I'm quite pressed for time. Do you have any actual exhibits?
0:12:38 > 0:12:42Yes, indeed. Beneath this cloth, is the Hope Diamond.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44The infamous blue gem
0:12:44 > 0:12:50stolen from sculpted statue of the goddess Sita and said to be cursed.
0:12:50 > 0:12:55The Hope Diamond? That's supposed to be worth, what, £250,000,000?
0:12:55 > 0:12:58That's the chap, and you shall see it
0:12:58 > 0:13:00in your imagination-tion-tion.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04Now, I don't think you're taking this very seriously.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07I come here to purchase some antiques in good faith
0:13:07 > 0:13:10and you have just mocked me. Good day!
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Wait! Please take this complimentary souvenir tea towel,
0:13:13 > 0:13:17from another museum, to not remind you of your visit.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- That's very generous.- Here you are.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24- In your imagination!- Goodbye.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27- Oh!- Didn't he want to see the money tree?
0:13:29 > 0:13:34I suppose not. Oh, Mr Faraway, your transformation is almost complete.
0:13:35 > 0:13:36Oh!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Which do you think is my best side?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41HE HOWLS
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- Or this? Yeah? - HE HOWLS
0:13:44 > 0:13:47If you want my advice,
0:13:47 > 0:13:49never stand underneath a giant pigeon.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55I do not know WHAT he has eaten.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03'This is the Outer Hebridean island of North Barrasay.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05'It's an important day at North Barrasay,
0:14:05 > 0:14:10'as the staff and pupils prepare for their annual open day.'
0:14:10 > 0:14:14So, Valerie, what are you doing to attract new students?
0:14:14 > 0:14:15Nothing, really.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18The authorities insists we have an open day,
0:14:18 > 0:14:20but to be honest, it's a technicality.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23We've not had a new application since we opened.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- Hey!- Can I help you?
0:14:26 > 0:14:30We were just passing, saw your sign, thought we'd come round
0:14:30 > 0:14:33and have a look. We're thinking of moving to the island.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36- This is my daughter, Tina. - Hi, how are you?
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Hey, are you guys making a movie?
0:14:38 > 0:14:41No, a documentary. Just pretend the camera's not there.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Oh, OK, right, I stand just here?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Anywhere you like, just act natural.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48- HE MOUTHS - This is Tina.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51- Hi, how are you?- Arh! Hi, I'm Ross!
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Roz? Like a girl's name?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- No, like Ross.- Rooaz.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- No, Ross.- Rooars.- Ross.- Raws. - That's close enough.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- Have you got a place for my gum? - Yes, there's a bin there.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08Thank you so much, you guys are totally awesome.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12- So, Tina, you got any questions? - Yeah, do you have a basketball team?
0:15:12 > 0:15:13No, we're not...
0:15:13 > 0:15:17Yes, we love it, we're all about basketball, do you play?
0:15:17 > 0:15:21No, but I was like, a cheerleader in my old high school.
0:15:21 > 0:15:27Go the bulls, go the bulls, go the bulls, wooh, wooh, wooh!
0:15:27 > 0:15:31- High-five, Dad.- Awesome!- Woo! Woo! - That's amazing.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34As I say, we're not really set up for basketball.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36I will play basketball, miss.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Go Roz, go Roz, go Roz, wooh!
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Actually it's Ross.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43- But go me!- Wooh!
0:15:47 > 0:15:51'After a brief tour of the school it seems things are going well.'
0:15:51 > 0:15:56I must say, you know, this is all really impressive Miss Car-penter.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Do you have any questions, Tina?
0:15:58 > 0:16:02I totally love this place, but I have one little question.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Where are all the kids?
0:16:04 > 0:16:09- Well, that's the thing about this school.- The thing is that...
0:16:09 > 0:16:12They're all on a day trip. They've gone on a day trip.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15No, Ross, please!
0:16:16 > 0:16:20There are no other children. We only have one pupil.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- What, Roz?- Ross.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- Rooz.- Ross!
0:16:25 > 0:16:28- What? - No, it's pronounced, Ross.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31It's all right. She can call me Roz if she wants.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Ross is the only pupil.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35But that's kind of weird. Like, no other kids?
0:16:35 > 0:16:39That isolation's got to be bad for a kid's development.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43- He could turn out to be a real freak.- No offence, Rose.- It's Ross.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45- Roze?- Raaws.- Ross.- Roors.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48You know what? This isn't going to work out. Come on.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52- Come on, let's get out of here, honey.- No!- Oh, that's a shame.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Bye, Ross.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Huuuu! She said it right.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01She said my name right, did you hear her?
0:17:01 > 0:17:02Yes, Ross, we heard.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04OK.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07She said Ross!
0:17:07 > 0:17:09OK, Ross, open day's over.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11The Zombie News Network,
0:17:11 > 0:17:13bringing you the latest zombie news
0:17:13 > 0:17:1524 hours a day.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18And now, over to Ryan Pinter, live at the opening night
0:17:18 > 0:17:21of the National Zombie Ballet's new production.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Yes, Giselle, of course, a classic ballet.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28And in this, the opening act, Hilarion, the village huntsman,
0:17:28 > 0:17:31returns from his early morning chores
0:17:31 > 0:17:34before the home of Giselle, the girl with whom he's in love.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Villagers pass by on their way to the vineyards,
0:17:37 > 0:17:42where they will harvest the last of the grapes, before the festival.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44APPLAUSE
0:17:46 > 0:17:48And then, the courtship begins.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52Such power, such grace, such elegance.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54SQUELCH
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Oh dear, his arm fell off.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59That doesn't bode well for the second act.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03She's a professional. She moves to dance with Albrecht. Stunning.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05SQUELCH Oh!
0:18:05 > 0:18:07We might have to come back to this.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10BOOING A quick look to the stage manager
0:18:10 > 0:18:13and yes, I think it's all over.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Right, I'll put the kettle on.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21Oh! Here, did you put that mouse trap down like I asked?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Yeah, I got one in the dining room last night.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27You're absolutely sure it was a mouse trap?
0:18:27 > 0:18:31Of course! What sort of other traps are there?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40ONE MAN BAND PLAYS
0:18:40 > 0:18:44- Well, packaging's very similar. - Go and get the right one.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- What are we going to do with him? - I don't know.
0:18:47 > 0:18:52- Trap him under a cup or something. - A cup?!
0:18:52 > 0:18:55All right then. Don't be frightened.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Yeah, OK. Yeah, yeah!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- TRUMPET BLAST - Aargh!
0:19:04 > 0:19:06MOUSE LAUGHS
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Ben, have you got your bus money?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13I'm 2p short.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Try down the back of the sofa.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Aaaah! THUMP
0:19:25 > 0:19:28# ..Pizza, I'm always in the mood
0:19:28 > 0:19:32# Meaty meaty pizza It's Tony's favourite food. #
0:19:32 > 0:19:38- Can I have one of those? - Tony take it. It's MY pizza.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41It's all mine. What do you want, you little boy?
0:19:41 > 0:19:44I need one of them 2ps. I'm late for the bus!
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Twopees? What is twopees?
0:19:47 > 0:19:51This is delish pepperoni slices for Tony's pizza.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Why are you always coming here taking my special things?
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Look, I just need one of those.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59What on Earth are they?
0:19:59 > 0:20:04This is anchovy for my meaty, meaty pizza.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06But they make Tony burp.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Yes, it's a bit of a problem.
0:20:08 > 0:20:13- They're not anchovies. - Uurgh. They smell like anchovies.
0:20:14 > 0:20:15Do you want a lick?
0:20:15 > 0:20:18No, I do not. Just give me a 2p.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22This is delish pepperoni slices for my pizza.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Tony take, it's mine. It is mine.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Tony take it. Aagh.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29You horrible little boy.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31He's not so fond of you.
0:20:31 > 0:20:36Unless you can answer one of my clever questions.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38- Go on then.- Hmm.
0:20:38 > 0:20:43What is Tony's favourite food? Oh, good question.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45- Meaty meaty pizza. - How'd you know that?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47It's an impossible question!
0:20:47 > 0:20:51It is right though, isn't it? Stupid question!
0:20:51 > 0:20:54- Well you...- I'm just going to take one of those 2ps.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56That is mine, mine, idiot.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Well, that makes you an idiot.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Oh, so confused!
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Ben, did you find the 2p?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Yeah, I found it.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10- Anchovies. - BURP
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Pardon me.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15'Ladies and gentlemen, if you require refreshments
0:21:15 > 0:21:17'the trolley will pass through the plane.'
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Any drinks or snacks? Any drinks or snacks?
0:21:20 > 0:21:24- Please keep the aisle clear. - Snacks or drinks?- Drinks or snacks?
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Excuse me? Excuse me? I'd like some cake.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30- What did she say? - She wants some of our cake.- Typical!
0:21:30 > 0:21:34- Wait, are there any nuts in it? I'm allergic.- Well...
0:21:34 > 0:21:36let's have a look, shall we?
0:21:36 > 0:21:40I don't know. What do you think, Colin?
0:21:40 > 0:21:43I think that might have nuts.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45OK, I'll just have a tuna sandwich.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49OK. Oh, we better just check that hasn't got any nuts as well.
0:21:49 > 0:21:54It does say it's dolphin friendly, but it doesn't mention nuts.
0:21:54 > 0:21:55- So...- Good idea.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Getting a hint of peanut.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Mmm. Mmm mmm mmmmm.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05- Fine, I'll have a packet of crisps, then.- Right you are.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08I'm sure they don't have nuts in.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Better to be safe than sorry. Don't you think?
0:22:11 > 0:22:16Absolutely. Don't want you having a nasty allergic reaction, do we?
0:22:20 > 0:22:22What do you think? Nuts?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24I don't really care.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26I just want something to eat. What's left?
0:22:26 > 0:22:31- Well, we are running a bit low on supplies.- Oh, what a surprise(!)
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Oh, no, you're in luck. Here we go, the very last thing on the trolley.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38A packet of honey roasted peanuts!
0:22:38 > 0:22:40You're welcome!
0:22:40 > 0:22:43No manners, some people.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45STOMACH GURGLES What's the matter?
0:22:45 > 0:22:50Oh, dear. That combination of cheese and onion with smoky bacon,
0:22:50 > 0:22:52that is a recipe for disaster.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56Oh, no, Colin. Evacuate the toilets, we're coming through.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Hop on, Colin, we'll clean you out.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00I'd shut that book, Madam, I might go.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04That's it. Just breath, Colin, we'll get you there.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- It's no good, Malcolm.- Keep it in. - No, it's going to go.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11RETCHING Oh, all over the cheese straws.
0:23:12 > 0:23:19Hello! I'm here to break the world record for the world's largest feet!
0:23:19 > 0:23:22I really don't have time. Considering you come in here daily,
0:23:22 > 0:23:27do you not think I'd have noticed if you had an enormous pair of...
0:23:28 > 0:23:33..feet. Cynthia, get the record for the world's largest feet.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Thank you.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38PHONE RINGS Yes? Thank you.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41The world's largest feet belong to American Robert Wadlow,
0:23:41 > 0:23:44and they were an extraordinary size 48.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Easy! Measure that.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49You know, a bit of me feels sad
0:23:49 > 0:23:51I might be about to win a world record,
0:23:51 > 0:23:55because my aim will be achieved. I won't come here any more.
0:23:55 > 0:23:56We've become firm friends.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Er, no, we really haven't.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03Well, your feet are an extraordinary size 52!
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Yes!
0:24:04 > 0:24:07But before I can award you the world record,
0:24:07 > 0:24:10please take your shoes off so I can measure your actual feet.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13What? No, you don't need to do that.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16- I need to measure your foot. - My foot's as big as my shoe.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19- But I need to measure them. - You measured the shoe. They're fine.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21I need to measure the foot.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25It's me, Mark! You know me, we don't need to do this.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27You, me. There's a bond of trust.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30There's no trust whatsoever. I must measure your foot.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33I can't undo my shoe. The laces have glued together.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Well, I'm afraid...
0:24:35 > 0:24:38I've got jam socks, it's all sticky, they won't come out.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- Feet.- Oh! You win.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49There you go.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Hold on, I'll adjust this a bit, they're a bit cold.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54There we are. Come on.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57- That's a size 9. - 9 and a bit?- No.- What's the record?
0:24:57 > 0:25:00- 48.- Oh! So close!
0:25:04 > 0:25:07These cost loads. Total waste of money.
0:25:09 > 0:25:14MUSIC: The Holly And The Ivy
0:25:14 > 0:25:16SHE SNORES
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Thanks again, Pete, for letting me stay for Christmas.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Think nothing of it! More the merrier.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31With everyone being away at mine
0:25:31 > 0:25:33it would have been a bit miserable.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37Don't thank me. You're my flatmate, it's your house too.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41Anyway, Christmas is for sharing.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44It is. Merry Christmas, Pete.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Merry Christmas, Clive.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48What's that? A last minute present?
0:25:48 > 0:25:52Yeah, for Granny. I've been baking her something special.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Baking?
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Baking, baking.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58The recipe for the custard pie that I use is Granny's
0:25:58 > 0:26:03and she hasn't had a custard pie for, I don't know, ages.
0:26:03 > 0:26:12So, I spent Christmas Eve baking her her very own, special custard pie.
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Have you, indeed.
0:26:13 > 0:26:19I can't wait to see her face when she opens her presents.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Yeah, magical.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Oh, forgot to put the mince pies out for Father Christmas.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- A carrot for Rudolph! - Like I'd forget!
0:26:33 > 0:26:36CIRCUS MUSIC
0:26:38 > 0:26:40CROWD CHEERS
0:26:40 > 0:26:43ELEPHANT TRUMPETS MONKEY SCREECHES
0:26:45 > 0:26:48SPLAT
0:26:54 > 0:26:56I am so, so, sorry.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00G-G-Granny!
0:27:01 > 0:27:04HORN HONKS Does that help?
0:27:07 > 0:27:11Jasper. Jasper!
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Jasper. You haven't seen my dog, have you?
0:27:15 > 0:27:19I let him off for one minute and he disappeared. Jasper!
0:27:19 > 0:27:23- What does he look like?- He's quite big. He's white with black spots.
0:27:23 > 0:27:24Is that him over there?
0:27:24 > 0:27:29You've never seen a postman run so fast. He was all, "Aaah!".
0:27:29 > 0:27:32I didn't even have to bite him, it was brilliant.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34He was really scared. Oh, no!
0:27:34 > 0:27:38Jasper, you naughty boy, I've been worried about you.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Oh, I was going to go on the seesaw.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42What did you say?
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Er, woof? Definitely woof.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50I made it big.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Tony take it, is mine.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55I'll get you, Philippe le Vavasur.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Witch! She's a witch.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Maybe my bees can help.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01- £1,000.- £1,000!
0:28:01 > 0:28:03In your imagination-tion.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk