0:00:20 > 0:00:23We'd like to say you've been the best football coach ever, Mr E.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27Thanks very much. You've been a very good team to coach.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Even if a couple of you are perhaps
0:00:29 > 0:00:32getting a bit too old to play junior football.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Sorry to see you go, but at least you're off to somewhere good.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Yeah, who'd have thought it? Manchester United.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Lucky old me, eh?
0:00:40 > 0:00:44Well, before you go, we got you a special cake.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47- APPLAUSE - Go on, then, cut the cake.- Oh!
0:00:59 > 0:01:01What's he doing? He's got his cake!
0:01:04 > 0:01:06What?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08MOUTH FULL: Good luck at Man U.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11If you want my advice,
0:01:11 > 0:01:16never use superglue to wrap up your birthday presents.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21I am not a present!
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Ow! It's not even your birthday.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29Oh, I've had enough of this business for sure.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Good afternoon, Simon. What do you have for us today?
0:01:40 > 0:01:45Hold on, hold on. Who-hoo! Oh, it's a good one this.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49It is a really, really good one.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53I call it, "One In 100".
0:01:53 > 0:01:56That's a very good title. Most intriguing!
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Ah, that's not the whole title.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03"One In 100 Isn't A Scorpion."
0:02:03 > 0:02:05"One In 100 Isn't A Scorpion."
0:02:05 > 0:02:12Yes. You see, I lay out 100 identical boxes, thusly.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13And it's 10p a go
0:02:13 > 0:02:20and a lucky punter has to choose which box to put their hand in.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24And one in a 100, has a lollipop in it!
0:02:24 > 0:02:28- And what are in the other 99 boxes? - Oh, I thought you'd have guessed.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- They've got scorpions in them. - Real scorpions?
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Headmaster, I am not in the habit of deceiving my public.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Yes, of course, real scorpions.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- And don't the scorpions mind? - Oh, they hate it.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43They absolutely hate it!
0:02:43 > 0:02:49But the great thing is, if you're lucky you could win a lollipop.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51So it's a game of luck and skill.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55Skill, yes...and is there any way of telling which box is which?
0:02:55 > 0:03:00No, you're right, it's a fun game of luck.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Look, I'll show you.
0:03:03 > 0:03:04Go ahead.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Ooh...
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Scorpion! Aah!
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Scorpion! Aah!
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Aah! A scorpion!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18A scorpion, another scorpion!
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Aaargh! Scorpion!
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Ah! Ah! Scorpion.
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Oh!
0:03:27 > 0:03:28Lollipop!
0:03:30 > 0:03:34Mmm. Urrgh. Lime.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37So, will you let me know?
0:03:38 > 0:03:41We'll let you know.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43The Zombie News Network.
0:03:43 > 0:03:48Bringing you the latest Zombie news, 24 hours a day.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52Police today are still looking for escaped zombie master-criminal,
0:03:52 > 0:03:54"unknown male",
0:03:54 > 0:03:57who somehow escaped after being arrested over the weekend.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04We're confident that we will re-arrest the missing suspect.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07We have what can only be described as a good set of fingerprints.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11No more questions.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14SCHOOL BELL RINGS SCARY MUSIC
0:04:25 > 0:04:26You're new, in't ya?
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Yes, yes, I am new here. Hello, Steven.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Lunch?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Mmm, it all smells...
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Well, it all smells.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- What have you got? - I've got fish bits.
0:04:40 > 0:04:45Oh, I'm so sorry, I am actually allergic to seafood.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47I got nut roast.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Sorry, I have a nut allergy.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Got a nice bit of pasta.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Is it wheat free? You see, I have an intolerance to wheat.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Is there anything you can eat?
0:05:02 > 0:05:05I tell you what, I'll just have some soya milk.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06Certainly.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10ALARM HONKS
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Might I suggest you defrost it first? Ha-ha-ha.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Brave Vikings, as we all know, my great uncle Leif,
0:05:30 > 0:05:33passed away last month, of natural causes.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36ALL: Ooh. Had his head cut off by a berserker.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39It's the way we'd all like to go.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42As we all know, Leif was a great entertainer,
0:05:42 > 0:05:45always ready with a song, or a dance,
0:05:45 > 0:05:47or a punch for a smaller Viking.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50He punched me once. It really was very funny.
0:05:50 > 0:05:55Now, in his will, Uncle Leif left me this.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59His prized ventriloquist dummy, Sven.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- Yes?- Oh, no, no, no, it's called Sven.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- The dummy is Sven. - You can say that again.
0:06:05 > 0:06:10- Yes, well, he left me this prize ventriloquist dummy, Sven.- Yes?
0:06:10 > 0:06:15This is going to get confusing. I'll call the dummy, er, Bjorn.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17He wasn't BJORN yesterday.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20So what I'm going to do, is try him out on you now.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23And see if I'm good enough to entertain the children
0:06:23 > 0:06:24at the Sunday pillage.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- Yes, Chief.- Ready?
0:06:28 > 0:06:32Heggo, everygody, gmy gname is GSven, er, Gbjorn.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34My gname is Gbjorn...
0:06:34 > 0:06:37THEY SCREAM
0:06:37 > 0:06:40He has no life, but yet he speaks.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42What horror is this?
0:06:42 > 0:06:48Everybody just calm down. He is just a dummy I am operating.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52It is my voice. There is absolutely no need to be frightened.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53Go on, Chief.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56We'll really try to concentrate this time.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58OK, here we go.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Heggo, everygody!
0:07:01 > 0:07:04THEY SCREAM
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Little wooden man has come for our souls!
0:07:07 > 0:07:10I want to get beheaded by a berserker before I die.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15All of you, it is just a dummy, it's not alive.
0:07:15 > 0:07:21Eh? It is me operating it. Yes? Look, I'll show you, look.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Hello, chief! How are you gtoday?
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Ah, aaah, aaaah! THEY SCREAM
0:07:28 > 0:07:29Save us, ye Gods!
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Oh, oh.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37He's BJORN free now!
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Oh, shut up, Sven.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:07:45 > 0:07:50- OMG, Jade.- Sades?- Do you know what's totally hot right now?
0:07:50 > 0:07:51No? What's hot right now?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53The Doctor. He is totally hot right now.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55The Doctor's tot's amazeballs.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Like, TARDIS and time and space and stuff?
0:07:57 > 0:08:00The TARDIS and space and time and stuff and Sontarans?
0:08:00 > 0:08:04And Sontarans and like, Cybermen, and the Gelth and the Face of Boe
0:08:04 > 0:08:06and the Moxx of Balhoon.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08OMG, Sades. Have you seen my duvet cover
0:08:08 > 0:08:11of the Moxx of Balhoon with a Dalek and a Slitheen on it?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14That is so amazeballs. So Moxx of Balhoonius.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15It's the Moxx of Balhoonest.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- It's so like, none more Moxx of Balhoon?- Tot's.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21And the Doctor, it would be so amazeballs to be like,
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- his companion.- Imagine,
0:08:23 > 0:08:26like if you were doing a history essay, on Henry VIII,
0:08:26 > 0:08:29and you drove the TARDIS back into olden times,
0:08:29 > 0:08:31and you killed Henry VIII so he didn't exist
0:08:31 > 0:08:33and you wouldn't have to do an essay on him?
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Mrs Benson, that teaches history, would be like,
0:08:36 > 0:08:38"Where's your essay?". I'd be like "What essay?
0:08:38 > 0:08:42"That person you're talking about totally doesn't exist."
0:08:42 > 0:08:43And she'd be like, well suss.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47And like the Doctor would say, "No, you can't kill Henry VIII",
0:08:47 > 0:08:50because of like, wormholes and paradoxes and stuff?
0:08:50 > 0:08:53And I'd be like "Doctor, what is the point of being a Time Lord,
0:08:53 > 0:08:56"when all you do is spend your time, like, divvying around,
0:08:56 > 0:08:59"like, talking to Shakespeare and eating dodo eggs?"
0:08:59 > 0:09:03OMG, Doctor Who, your bow tie looks really stupid,
0:09:03 > 0:09:04like, bow ties are so not hot,
0:09:04 > 0:09:08like, Doctor Who, stop trying to make bow ties happen!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11And it's like, I know your name isn't even Doctor Who,
0:09:11 > 0:09:15it's like the name of the programme, but everyone thinks Doctor Who
0:09:15 > 0:09:17is your real name, like your surname is Who.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20So you might as well just get over it!
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Oh, the Doctor is so lame.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24He's so not hot right now.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28- So.- Not.- Hot.- Uurgh. SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Ooh!
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Having trouble with your new shoes?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35No matter what you do they just don't seem to fit right?
0:09:35 > 0:09:37That's because they're not shoes,
0:09:37 > 0:09:39they're pies!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Are you going to eat those afterwards?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I bet they absolutely stink.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Go and wash your feet and throw those pies in the bin,
0:09:46 > 0:09:47you foolish man.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Can we watch my film first?
0:09:48 > 0:09:51I think we should watch Phillipe's first.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53The French are terribly good at doing films.
0:09:53 > 0:09:54I bet it will be boring.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Now, now.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- So, Phillipe.- Quoi?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Erm, what is,
0:10:02 > 0:10:04qu'est-ce film, what?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Oui, c'est une nouvelle vague classique,
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Les Deux Cellos de Monsieur Gravice.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Oh, right, yes, excellent, yes.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Sorry, I didn't understand that at all.
0:10:13 > 0:10:18He said it's called the two cellos of Mr Gravice.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Right, cellos, that sounds like fun.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- It sounds rubbish, more like. - Alors.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27SCREECHY CELLO
0:10:47 > 0:10:53Oh, oh! Bravo, c'est un chef d'ouevre
0:10:53 > 0:10:58That was the most boring thing I have ever seen.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00It was a challenging film.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04Challenging? It was three hours of a man and a cello in a room.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08Can we watch Wallace And Gromit now, please?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11- Encore! Encore. - Again?! You want to watch it again?!
0:11:11 > 0:11:15- Oui.- Well, perhaps we should. We can watch your film another day.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18But it has to go back to the rental shop tomorrow.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22I tell you what. I'll go and get that chicken and mushroom pie
0:11:22 > 0:11:25out of the oven and we'll watch it all again, eh?
0:11:25 > 0:11:29'Zis is a million times better than your silly little English film.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Oh, cracking toast, Gromit(!)
0:11:32 > 0:11:35That's it, I'm going to tell Dad you can speak English.
0:11:35 > 0:11:36If you do, I will tell him
0:11:36 > 0:11:39that you let down all of the tyres on his car.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43- But I didn't!- Yeah, but I will do it and I will say it was you.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Now, who would like a slice of chicken and mushroom pie?
0:11:47 > 0:11:52Actually, me and Phillipe were just talking, and I was thinking,
0:11:52 > 0:11:55as we're watching a French film, it would be nice for Phillipe
0:11:55 > 0:11:57to eat some traditional French food.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01Well, I can always pipe out an eclair.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03No, I know just the thing.
0:12:05 > 0:12:14So, alors. The film, er, le film, that we watch any...
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Vous etes un idiot.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Erm, no.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Here we go.
0:12:21 > 0:12:29A lovely plate of raw garlic and raw snails,
0:12:29 > 0:12:32for you to eat while you watch your film.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Mais? Dennis?
0:12:35 > 0:12:41No, no, I think you should have them all to yourself.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45And me and Dad can just have this boring old pie.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Well, Danny, this is very kind of you.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50No, no, it's the least I can do.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53He is a guest in our house, after all.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Well then, let's watch this film again, shall we?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Tuck in, Phillipe.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05Yes! Got you, Phillipe la Vavasur.
0:13:07 > 0:13:12- SCREAMING - Someone's parked their car on my foot!
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Right, everyone stand back.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17My son will use his superhuman strength to lift the car.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19It's OK, I'll phone the fire brigade.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21No! Don't want them turning up, show-offs,
0:13:21 > 0:13:23with their lights and sirens,
0:13:23 > 0:13:25taking all the credit. Dean'll do it.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- Mum! I can't lift a car! - Yes, you can.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30You lifted the hatchback when the tyre went.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31That was a mechanic.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Well, if he can do it, you can do it.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- He had a jack! - Details, Dean, details.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Now, you got your outfit on?
0:13:39 > 0:13:43I can't feel anything. Completely gone. No feeling!
0:13:43 > 0:13:47- Oooow!- Shouldn't I just call the fire brigade?
0:13:47 > 0:13:49No! He will be with you in a minute.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53- Hurry up, Dean, the man is in pain. - All right!
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Dean, you haven't got your overpants.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- Are you sure I can't just phone the fire brigade?- He is coming.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Quickly, Dean.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07I think they must have shrunk in the wash, I can't get them on.
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Quickly, Dean, quickly.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17- I can't do it!- You're not too old to have you over my knee!
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Put your back into it, just a couple more centimetres.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Oh! Right, that's it. You're in.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Come on, let's go and save that man's foot.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Ah, ah, ah!
0:14:32 > 0:14:37- Smile. Our man the hero. - Here he is, here he is.
0:14:37 > 0:14:43Oh, typical. Look at them, attention seekers.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Come on, Dean, we're going.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49Excuse me, could you cut me out of my overpants?
0:14:49 > 0:14:50Dean, come on.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57- Ta-da!- Thanks very much.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59All right, see you, love.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Right, who's next?
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Is that me? Erm, I think that's me.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14Right. Erm, what can I do for you?
0:15:14 > 0:15:18Well, I'm a bit bored of this style, to be honest.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22I fancy something a bit more cutting edge. Yeah?
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Erm, certainly. Take a seat.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Thanks very much.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30- Debbie! - HE MOUTHS
0:15:32 > 0:15:36Did you have anything specific in mind?
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Do you think I'd suit a Justin Bieber?
0:15:39 > 0:15:43- Erm... - No, no, you're right, stupid idea.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47- Listen, you just do whatever you think works on my head.- OK.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55There you go!
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Ta-da! What do you think?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Well, it's not exactly what I was expecting,
0:16:05 > 0:16:08certainly a bit different.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Right, that'll be £60, please.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13What do you mean? You've only being going for five minutes!
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Don't I get a shampoo and a blow-dry as well?
0:16:15 > 0:16:20Erm, I don't think a blow-dry would be a good idea.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24What do you mean? Hang on. Are you trying to fleece me or something?
0:16:24 > 0:16:27- Please, calm down.- No, I will not.
0:16:27 > 0:16:32I demand my rights. Starting with a normal, regular haircut,
0:16:32 > 0:16:34which includes, a blow-dry.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37OK.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54How's that?
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Erm, yeah, yeah, great, thanks.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03I tell you what. These modern haircuts don't really suit me.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06I'll probably just stick with my old style, to be honest.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- Right.- Oh, can I just see the back?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Yeah, never mind.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Excusing me, good morning.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28- Can you please to be telling me where is the theatre?- Oh.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31It's just down there by the multistorey car park.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35Thanking you. Please to be telling me what spectacle will be presented?
0:17:35 > 0:17:38- A musical, Annie, it's still on. - Thanking you.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42Please to be telling me how long the spectacle of Annie will be lastings?
0:17:42 > 0:17:45- I don't know. Two hours? - Thanking you.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48How many of the songs will there be in the Annie of the show?
0:17:48 > 0:17:51I don't know. Six, seven?
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Perhaps you perform a medley of the songs of the Annie of the show?
0:17:54 > 0:17:58- No.- Yes you can.- I can't just sing for you.- Sing Annie for me.- No.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01You will sing Annie for me. Sing Annie for me!
0:18:05 > 0:18:11# It's a hard-knock life for us It's a hard-knock life for us
0:18:11 > 0:18:15# Instead of kisses we get kicked Instead of kisses we...
0:18:15 > 0:18:18# Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
0:18:18 > 0:18:24# I'll love you tomorrow. It's only a day away. #
0:18:32 > 0:18:36Thanking you! Toodlepips and merry bye-byes.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Still here.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48Emily and Monty Forest, two of the country's least successful
0:18:48 > 0:18:52musical theatre performers are mounting their very own production.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56They'll be writing, producing, directing and starring in the show.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59This week, Emily and Monty are writing a script
0:18:59 > 0:19:01for their extravaganza.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Well, let's get at it.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06You do the typing and me me do the talking.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09OK, just call me Monty-am Shakespeare.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13OK, Monty-am, let's get going.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17OK, so you just type out Scene One.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24I've written "Monty is brilliant" seven times, does that help?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Count Monte Christo, that is not useful.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31OK, on we go. Let's get on with it. Here we go, Scene One.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32- Yes?- Scene One.- Scene One.
0:19:32 > 0:19:38- Warm up the old fingories. - Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.- Now then.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- How do you spell scene? - Look, I'll do the typing.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45It's got a silent 'c', curly 'c'. Never know which end.
0:19:45 > 0:19:51- Leave it to E Forest, here we go. - To the rescue! Da-da-da-da!- Ooh!
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- OK, so...- Scene One. - Scene One, here we go.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- Oh, I can't look.- Scene One.
0:19:57 > 0:20:02- There, we're done. - There we go, Scene One.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- Next.- Well, we just have to type up the story.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08You know, keep the audience on their toes.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12Get the characters jumping off the page, that's what the pros do.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16- I mean, how hard can this writing malarkey actually be?- Yep.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23It is seven and a half hours later.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27Emily and Monty are still hard at work on the script.
0:20:27 > 0:20:32Uurgh. Ah, that was great. Exciting. What have we got so far?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Well, I've written Scene One,
0:20:34 > 0:20:37in a slightly bigger font.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- Good start. I think we should call it a day.- Really?
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- Yeah, we're off.- Shall I print it out?- I think it'll help.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46- Montezuma, Montezuma.- Hit me.
0:20:46 > 0:20:52# Why don't we just improvise? Improvise the whole show! #
0:20:52 > 0:20:53Woo!
0:20:54 > 0:20:59Yes, make it up on the spot, yeah? Keep it loose, organic, natural,
0:20:59 > 0:21:00yoghurt.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04First idea comes into your head, just run with it.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07- Let's improvise.- Not like that.
0:21:07 > 0:21:12I wish I had looser clothes on. I feel constrained but good.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Scene One.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Shall we call it a day?
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Creativity is a wilful beast. She cannot be hunted.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29- She can only be pounced upon!- Woo!
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Is that a yes?
0:21:30 > 0:21:32- Basically, yes.- Ha!
0:21:32 > 0:21:36Oh! Hey, Monts, do you think we've got what it takes?
0:21:36 > 0:21:38We definitely have.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Hello, there.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47All right?
0:21:47 > 0:21:50I'd like a go on the ball pit, please. There's my pound.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- You're too big.- What?
0:21:55 > 0:22:00Oh, oh, it's the hat, isn't it? I'll take it off. There we go.
0:22:00 > 0:22:05- Sorry, mate, you're still too big. - OK, erm...
0:22:06 > 0:22:08How about now? No?
0:22:08 > 0:22:12How about now? Yes? How about now?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14I'm not going to let you in, so clear off.
0:22:18 > 0:22:23- Ahem, excuse me. - Wasn't I just talking to you?
0:22:23 > 0:22:26FALSETTO: I think that was someone else.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Right, you sure you've not just gone away, put on sunglasses,
0:22:29 > 0:22:31a weird hat and put your shoes on your knees?
0:22:31 > 0:22:36Yes? I mean, no, I mean, erm...
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Why don't you go on the motorbikes?
0:22:40 > 0:22:43- I can't go on the motorbikes. - Why not?
0:22:43 > 0:22:46- HE MUMBLES - What?- Because I get sick.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50- Pff.- Don't laugh. It's not funny. I've got an inner ear problem.
0:22:50 > 0:22:56- Look, I am not going to let you in, so please, clear off.- Fine.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Witch! She's a witch.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09THEY CHANT: Witch, witch, witch!
0:23:15 > 0:23:16Ha-ha-ha!
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Oh, erm, I'd like to go in the ball pool, please...
0:23:31 > 0:23:36Sorry, mate, ball pit's closed. You'll have to go on a motorbike.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40Oh! Hold this.
0:23:47 > 0:23:48What is that smell?
0:23:48 > 0:23:52Oh! What's that smell? Ho!
0:23:52 > 0:23:54What is that?
0:23:59 > 0:24:03- Get off!- Where's it coming from?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- What is it?- Lipstick?- No!
0:24:05 > 0:24:08- Deodorant?- No.- Old cheese?
0:24:09 > 0:24:12No. Ooh! It's rubber!
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Balloons. Rubber balloons.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- Rubber balloons!
0:24:35 > 0:24:39Right, I've looked at your results, and it looks as if you've got
0:24:39 > 0:24:42SMS, or text message syndrome.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45- Huh! LOL. - This is no laughing matter.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49- It's actually a very serious condition.- Really? OMG!
0:24:49 > 0:24:52OMG indeed. I'm afraid sending these messages
0:24:52 > 0:24:54has affected your ability to communicate
0:24:54 > 0:24:57- with anybody over the age of 18.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01That is not gr8. Open brackets, frowning smiley, close brackets.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05- I'll write you a prescription. - Ah, just got a joke from a m8.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08I'm just going to ROFL, for a bit.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12PATIENT LAUGHS
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Didn't realise people actually did that.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23SHOUTS: Hello!
0:25:23 > 0:25:27I'm hear to break the world record for the world's largest shout!
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Right! No need to shout.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33Yes there is! I'm here to break the world record for it. Shouting!
0:25:33 > 0:25:38- I know, I was making an uncharacteristic joke.- Oh! Nice one!
0:25:38 > 0:25:44Annabel, can I have the record for the world's largest shout, please?
0:25:44 > 0:25:49- PHONE RINGS - Yes? Ah, Annabel. Thank you.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52The world's largest shout is 127 decibels.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Easy! I can break that no problem.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- Right.- I think I'm going to be really good at this.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01All right, save it. I'll just get my decibel measuring machine.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05OK. You know, it's funny, I come in here every day, trying to break
0:26:05 > 0:26:09a world record, and they never seem to work out for some reason.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- I wonder why that is. - Now, I've just realised
0:26:12 > 0:26:16that the thing that's going to help me break a record,
0:26:16 > 0:26:20has been under my nose the whole time. My mouth.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23I am the king of sh...
0:26:23 > 0:26:25SILENCE
0:26:25 > 0:26:29Ah, there it is. I must clean out that desk one day.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Off we go.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34SILENCE
0:26:36 > 0:26:380.2 decibels.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40- VERY QUIETLY: What's the record? - Sorry?
0:26:40 > 0:26:44- QUIETLY: What's the record? - The record is 127 decibels.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46VERY QUIETLY: Oh, so close!
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Sorry, what?
0:26:48 > 0:26:51- VERY QUIETLY: So close! - Sorry, I don't under...
0:26:51 > 0:26:53VERY QUIETLY: Was I close?
0:26:53 > 0:26:54Who's the goose?
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Sorry, excuse me, you haven't seen my dog, have you?
0:27:01 > 0:27:05- He's quite big, he's white, with black spots.- Sorry.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07This is awful, I'm so worried about him.
0:27:09 > 0:27:10There you are!
0:27:13 > 0:27:18You're a naughty Jasper. Naughty Jasper. I was worried about you.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22- I was just waiting for my ham and cheese panini!- What?
0:27:22 > 0:27:24I mean, woof! Definitely woof.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Ham and cheese panini?
0:27:34 > 0:27:35I made it big!
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Tony take it, is mine!
0:27:37 > 0:27:40I'll get you Phillipe la Vavasur!
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Witch! She's a witch.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Maybe my bees can help.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47- £1,000!- £1,000!
0:27:47 > 0:27:49In your imagination-tion-tion.