0:00:02 > 0:00:05# La la la-la la-la
0:00:05 > 0:00:08# La la la-la la la la
0:00:08 > 0:00:10# O-o-oh...
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# La la la-la la-la
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# La la la-la la-la
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# La la la-la la la la. #
0:00:20 > 0:00:24That was brilliant! I never realised chess could be so physical.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27Yeah, well, it's new judo chess - it's much more fun.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30The way you threw that Russian boy on the ground
0:00:30 > 0:00:33when he tried to take your bishop was brilliant!
0:00:33 > 0:00:34I just wish I'd done better.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38I played 205 games and I lost every single one.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Are you hungry?
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Oh, yeah. All that exercise has left me starving!
0:00:43 > 0:00:46I'll make you a sandwich and not just any old sandwich,
0:00:46 > 0:00:50- one that will make you better at chess.- Really?- Yeah, follow me.
0:00:50 > 0:00:56CRACK OF THUNDER Mwahahaha! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
0:00:56 > 0:00:57Hang on!
0:00:57 > 0:01:01- Is this one of your mad experiments? - Why would you say that?
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Well, the...
0:01:04 > 0:01:07..and the...and all of the... Oh, never mind.
0:01:07 > 0:01:13Behold! Bravery Enhancing Laminate 8209.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16It is one of your mad experiments! I'm not eating it.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- Go on.- No!
0:01:18 > 0:01:22- Your experiments always go wrong and I end up suffering.- Nonsense!
0:01:22 > 0:01:26Oh, yeah? What happened that time you tried that new fake tan on me?
0:01:26 > 0:01:29- It worked, didn't it? - I went bright orange!
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Ahhhh! 'I looked like a satsuma!'
0:01:32 > 0:01:35I've learned a lot from that mistake.
0:01:35 > 0:01:40Honestly, this bravery enhancing sandwich is brilliant!
0:01:40 > 0:01:43- No.- Yes.- No.- Yes?
0:01:43 > 0:01:45- No.- YES!
0:01:45 > 0:01:48- No.- No.- Yes.- Brilliant.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Oh! Why are you so good at tricking me?
0:01:51 > 0:01:53HE SIGHS
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Mmm. At least it tastes quite nice.
0:02:00 > 0:02:06HIGH VOICE: Oh, hang on. I can feel something weird happening!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08CLATTERING
0:02:08 > 0:02:11That probably shouldn't have happened.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15That's the wrong kind of knight.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19- MUFFLED VOICE: Help! I can't move! - It's not your turn.
0:02:20 > 0:02:25Oh, hello. I'm so sorry. I was wondering if you could help me?
0:02:25 > 0:02:28- I've lost my dog.- What does he look like?- He's quite big.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30He's white with black spots. Can you help me find him?
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- I'm sorry, I haven't seen him. - OK. Thanks a lot.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Oh! There's a bad boy!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39There's a bad boy! Mummy was worried.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42- Just getting you a paper!- What?
0:02:42 > 0:02:48Eh... Woof! Definitely, woof.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- What do you want to drink? - A fizzy orange, please.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Oh, Eddie?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- A small fizzy orange. - Good choice!
0:02:56 > 0:02:58I think I'll have a fizzy orange too.
0:02:58 > 0:03:03OK, one fizzy orange for my bestest pal in the whole world.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09He-e-ere's yours!
0:03:22 > 0:03:24I went for the large.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27That drink was too small! Right?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- EDDIE LAUGHS - I'm still pretty thirsty.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34I thought you would be. That's why I got you an ice lolly as well,
0:03:34 > 0:03:37for my bestest pal in the whole world, and here it comes!
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Oh, come on -
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Eddie, you've done it again!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44That's too big!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46SAD MUSIC PLAYS Danny!
0:03:46 > 0:03:50I was trying to be nice to my bestest pal in the whole world.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54I got you the biggest, bestest lolly in the shop.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56VOICE BREAKS: You turned it down!
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- I'm really hurt!- I'm sorry. - EDDIE CRIES
0:04:01 > 0:04:05I just got a bit of a shock cos of...how big it is!
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Which means, it's the best!
0:04:08 > 0:04:11You better get licking cos it's starting to melt
0:04:11 > 0:04:16and Deano said if you get any on this floor, he's going to tell your mum.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Oh, no, Eddie! My tongue's stuck!
0:04:28 > 0:04:32Deano, help me, quick!
0:04:32 > 0:04:35OK, Deano. One, two, three!
0:04:35 > 0:04:36Argh!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Ben, have you got the car keys? - CAR ALARM
0:04:39 > 0:04:41- No, why?- The car's going mad.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45The lights are flashing, the doors are locking and unlocking,
0:04:45 > 0:04:48the alarm's going off. Can you check down the back of the sofa?
0:04:48 > 0:04:50BEN GROWLS ANGRILY
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Agh! Oh! CRASH!
0:05:00 > 0:05:04MAN SHOUTS NONSENSE
0:05:04 > 0:05:06- Feel the music! - RATTLES SPOONS OFF CAR KEYS
0:05:06 > 0:05:08CAR KEYS BEEP
0:05:08 > 0:05:13- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - I'm making...beautiful music.
0:05:13 > 0:05:18CAR KEYS BEEP MAN SHOUTS RANDOMLY
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Stop! Stop!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22- You're creating havoc up there. - I...
0:05:22 > 0:05:27- Look, I just need the key. - No way, Jose!
0:05:27 > 0:05:33- That is F sharp. - Please, just give me the key.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Maybe we should play a game.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39I like games. Yes.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43If nasty little boy
0:05:43 > 0:05:47can make music as BEAUTIFUL as Tony's
0:05:47 > 0:05:52from anything, ANYTHING, in Tony's cave,
0:05:52 > 0:05:54then, he can have F sharp.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Look, I don't have time for...
0:05:57 > 0:06:00OK. It's a deal.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05RADIO PLAYS
0:06:05 > 0:06:10#...Although no-one understood We were holding back the flood
0:06:10 > 0:06:12# Learning how to dance the rain... #
0:06:12 > 0:06:15So beautiful! What are you talking about?
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Listen to the music, the lyrics are so meaningful.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22What's gotten into you? You've changed!
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Maybe I'm...not a beast, after all.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Take it nasty, short, little boy.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Thanks.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33KEYS JINGLE
0:06:33 > 0:06:38Such beautiful...harmonies.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40RADIO PLAYS Found it, Mum!
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Oh, great. Bring it here, quick.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49Tony take it, ah ha-ha!
0:06:49 > 0:06:53Right, I'll put the kettle on.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Oh! Did you put that mousetrap down, like I asked?
0:06:56 > 0:07:00- MOUSE SQUEAKS - Yes, in the dining room, last night.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04Oh! And it was definitely a mouse trap, was it?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Of course, what sort of other traps are there?
0:07:14 > 0:07:16HIGH PITCHED: Oh!
0:07:16 > 0:07:18CLEARS THROAT
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Yeah, well, eh... I didn't read it. I was in a bit of a rush.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Take it back and get the right one!
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Yeah, well, eh... What do I do with him, then?
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Put him outside so he can find his friends.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32I would rather not touch him.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Look, he's more scared of you than you are of him.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Is he?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40MAN SIGHS
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Right...
0:07:42 > 0:07:44VIKING MUMBLES
0:07:44 > 0:07:45- Arhhh!- Ahh!
0:07:45 > 0:07:47- A-a-ah!- A-a-ah!
0:07:47 > 0:07:48- A-a-ah!- A-a-ah!
0:07:48 > 0:07:50MOUSE LAUGHS
0:07:50 > 0:07:52RADIO PLAYS
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- CRASH! - Oh!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59A flat tyre, of all things!
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Now I'm going to be late for my Anti-lateness class.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04This is a disaster!
0:08:04 > 0:08:08I don't know how to change a flat tyre because I got a flat tyre
0:08:08 > 0:08:12on the way to my How To Change A Flat Tyre class!
0:08:12 > 0:08:15My life is ruined! Everything's awful!
0:08:15 > 0:08:19- Maybe my bees can help.- What?
0:08:19 > 0:08:21I said, maybe my bees can help.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Sorry, I don't follow you.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26It's little known that bees are excellent motor mechanics.
0:08:26 > 0:08:31In fact, bees had the idea for the AA, the RAC and Green Flag,
0:08:31 > 0:08:35though the current owners don't like to shout about it.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39- Bees aren't mechanics. - Ha-ha, I'll forgive your scepticism.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Soon you'll be eating your own foolish words
0:08:42 > 0:08:44and driving off, a happy man.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47I'll issue my bees with a few simple instructions
0:08:47 > 0:08:50and they will fly to your aid, flat tyre fellow.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54- Really?- Using their mechanical brains and tiny tool kits,
0:08:54 > 0:08:56hidden in their nectar-carrying leg bags,
0:08:56 > 0:09:02they will use the combined power of their legs and stripy strength
0:09:02 > 0:09:05to have your flat tyre changed in no time at all!
0:09:05 > 0:09:08They can really do that? That's incredible!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11No, it's incredi-bee-l.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13BEES BUZZ
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- MICROPHONE FEEDBACK - Bzzz, flat tyre.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20Bzzz, help him. Bzzz, sceptical chap, though.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Bzzz, get on with it!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Ooh, almost forgot.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26- MICROPHONE FEEDBACK - Buzz, buzz.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Now, fly my tiny buzzing, mechanic friends!
0:09:29 > 0:09:34Ugh! No, no! Ahhh! No, the car!
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Fix the wheel! Ah! Ouch! HIGH PITCHED: Fix the car!
0:09:37 > 0:09:42Ow! No, the flat tyre, not my face! Ahhh! Ow!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45My beautiful face! Whaa!
0:09:45 > 0:09:47'Ladies and gentlemen, for refreshments
0:09:47 > 0:09:49'the trolley will pass through the plane.'
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Trolley coming through!
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Please make room for the trolley service.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- Any snacks or drinks? - Excuse me?- Yes, what is it?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Can I get a cold drink, please?
0:10:00 > 0:10:02If you must.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- What are you doing? - Health and safety regulations.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07The cans get shaken up during the flight,
0:10:07 > 0:10:09we wouldn't want them to explode.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- Don't want you to get sticky pop over your face, do we?- I suppose not.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Well, this one seems to be fine.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Now we've opened it, we're not allowed to sell that to you.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23Unfortunately not, Colin. Ah, well, shame to let it go to waste.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26That one seems to be all right as well.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29And this one. I'm doing two, it makes it quicker, doesn't it?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31- COLIN RIFTS - Oh!
0:10:31 > 0:10:35Excuse me, I'll just have a sandwich instead.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39- There you go.- Oop, Colin!- Ah! - Don't forget - health and safety.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41(Of course.)
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Sorry, what now?
0:10:42 > 0:10:47Unfortunately, madam, these sandwiches have got very sharp edges
0:10:47 > 0:10:53and it would be horrible if you caught on those. So, we'll just...
0:10:53 > 0:10:55- That's better. - A bit of sharpness...
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Watch that one. That's another one.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02- Can I just have a bar of chocolate instead?- Whatever you say.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Ah! Malcolm - health and safety, please. Look at the edges on that.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- She could have her eye out. - Absolutely right, Colin.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10Better safe than sorry.
0:11:10 > 0:11:15OK, is there anything that is safe enough for me to have?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Let's have a look here. Ah! Yes.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I've got something safe for you to have.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26- Good, thank you.- There you go. Just don't put it over your head.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28PFRRT! BELCH!
0:11:28 > 0:11:33- That third can of ginger beer may have been a mistake.- Oh, Colin!
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Ladies and gents, the trolley is closed
0:11:36 > 0:11:38- and the toilet's out of action for... - 40.- 40 minutes.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Trolley coming through. PFRRT!
0:11:41 > 0:11:43- Hold it, Colin. - I don't know if I can, Malcolm.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45- PARP! - This one's fast.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50'We can confirm that alien ships have landed
0:11:50 > 0:11:52'in every major city.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54'They are hostile and their stated aim is...
0:11:54 > 0:11:57- BOOM! - '..to enslave humanity for eternity.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00'But first, here's John with the weather.'
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Oh, no! That's not good news.
0:12:03 > 0:12:08- SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC - What? Oh, Mum! No!
0:12:08 > 0:12:13Hello, Prime Minister? My son will deal with the aliens.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16DEAN MOUTHS Yes, that's right.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19And you will remember to tell all the other world leaders?
0:12:19 > 0:12:22OK. Well, he's on his way.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Well, they're all very relieved
0:12:25 > 0:12:27and asked if you could get a move on.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Oh, but, Mum, I can't do this!
0:12:29 > 0:12:32I can't fight an army of intelligent extraterrestrials.
0:12:32 > 0:12:37Dean, don't do yourself down! You're intelligent too.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41- You won that prize at school.- That was for most improved handwriting.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43I don't think that's going to cut it.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46They are more scared of you than you are of them.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48LOW RUMBLING
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Oh, look! Can't we just hide in the cupboard?
0:12:52 > 0:12:56Dean, I have told everyone that you are going to slay the alien race.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00- Do you want to show me up in front of all the world leaders?- No.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Right. Well, get your costume on.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06DEAN SIGHS
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Where's your overpants?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13I am NOT wearing the overpants, they look ridiculous!
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Dean, I am not sending you out half-dressed.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- What will the aliens think of me, as a mother?- I'm not wearing them!
0:13:19 > 0:13:21This might be the end of the world.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24I'm not going out there looking ridiculous!
0:13:24 > 0:13:27- I'm going to wear my tracksuit instead.- But, Dean!
0:13:27 > 0:13:30That's the new one! It will get ruined in the Apocalypse!
0:13:30 > 0:13:32I don't care.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35I am not wearing the overpants!
0:13:39 > 0:13:41- ALIENS ATTACK - Whaa! Ahhh!- Go on then, Dean!
0:13:41 > 0:13:43- Put some effort into it!- Ahhh!
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Do you want to show me up in front of the extraterrestrials?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48SPLAT!
0:13:52 > 0:13:54OK, let's try it with the overpants.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58Having trouble combing your hair?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02That's because it's spaghetti, you wally!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04That's for eating, not for combing.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08If you use that for your hair, what have you got for your dinner?
0:14:08 > 0:14:10A plate of hair?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Go to your room, you silly man!
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Hello?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Hello, anybody here?
0:14:19 > 0:14:22I found this flyer, rather expensively framed
0:14:22 > 0:14:24and nailed to my sitting room wall.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28- Hello, there.- Ahhh!- How are you? - You are how? There, hello.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Do excu-u-use Mr Faraway.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34He's taken to saying everything backwards in order to grow younger.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38And it's working! I've lost six minutes since I started. Blast it!
0:14:38 > 0:14:41- Started I since minutes six lost I've.- It's rather confusing.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43He does everything backwards.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46You should see him at lunch time, it's quite the sight.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- I shall bear that in mind. Now, about this flyer.- Hah!
0:14:49 > 0:14:53There's a missing portrait and a hole in the plaster that we must discuss.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Frame the for you charge even shan't we.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58He says, we shan't even charge you for the frame.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Just tell me where the painting's gone.
0:15:00 > 0:15:05Oh! Painting, schmainting. Who cares about a priceless antique,
0:15:05 > 0:15:06when you are in,
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- the Museum Of The Imagination? - Imagination The Of Museum!
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Oh, Mr Faraway, must you say everything backwards?
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- Yes, I'm afraid so.- What a pity.
0:15:15 > 0:15:20Beneath this cloth lies the incubating egg of the diplodocus.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Kept warm, near the centre of the earth,
0:15:23 > 0:15:26perhaps one day it shall hatch.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30- Hatch shall it day one perhaps.- Mmm. - That is fascinating!
0:15:30 > 0:15:34If you listen closely, you can hear its tiny heartbeat.
0:15:34 > 0:15:39Madam, prepare to be dazzled, when you see the egg
0:15:39 > 0:15:42of the last surviving dinosaur,
0:15:42 > 0:15:44- IN YOUR IMAGINATION! - IMAGINATION YOUR IN!
0:15:44 > 0:15:46It doesn't work if you do it backwards!
0:15:46 > 0:15:50I'm sorry, Mr Elevenses, my hands are tied. I wish I could help you.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52There's nothing on the plinth!
0:15:52 > 0:15:53Well, of course there is.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55- In your imagination! - Imagination your in!
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Tomothy. There's something about this that doesn't work.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Perhaps I should instruct my lawyers to send you a bill.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05I've already told you, my dear, there's no charge at all.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07All at charge no there's.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Besides, you have yet to see fleece golden the.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13The golden fleece.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17The magnificent prize,
0:16:17 > 0:16:20sought by Jason and the crew of the Argo.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Madam, prepare to be dazzled...
0:16:23 > 0:16:26- IN YOUR IMAGINATION! - IMAGINATION YOUR IN!
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Oh, oh...
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Isn't this against the Trade Descriptions Act?
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Ohhh, I don't see why, it's clearly there...
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- IN YOUR IMAGINATION! - IMAGINATION YOUR IN!
0:16:37 > 0:16:41That's it. I'm going to phone the council and have you shut down.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Of course. You have our full support.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Really?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48BOTH: IN YOUR IMAGINATION!
0:16:48 > 0:16:53Oh, Mr Faraway, you've gone forward again, hooray and huzzah!
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- Elevenses Mr, goodness thank. - MR ELEVENSES SIGHS
0:16:56 > 0:17:00'Today, Zombie News Network is launching an appeal.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03'It's easy to forget that there's more to zombies
0:17:03 > 0:17:06'than just staggering around the street aimlessly,
0:17:06 > 0:17:08'with a soulless, vacant expression.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12'That's why we're asking you to sponsor a zombie.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15'Just a few pounds pays for one of our volunteers
0:17:15 > 0:17:18'to supervise a zombie day out, like this one.
0:17:18 > 0:17:23'Our trained personnel will make sure that every member of the undead
0:17:23 > 0:17:26'on our programme, has as much fun as it's possible to have,
0:17:26 > 0:17:29'when your existence consists of only confusion,
0:17:29 > 0:17:32'punctuated by overwhelming rage.'
0:17:32 > 0:17:34THUMP!
0:17:34 > 0:17:38'So please, give as much as you can today, to zombie aid,
0:17:38 > 0:17:41'because zombies are people too.'
0:17:41 > 0:17:45'Please note, zombies are no longer people.'
0:17:45 > 0:17:47VIOLIN PLAYS
0:17:47 > 0:17:51'This is the Outer Hebridean island of North Barrasay.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55'It's a big day for Ross, a milestone in a young man's life,
0:17:55 > 0:17:58'as he is taking his Bikeability test.'
0:18:01 > 0:18:04So, Valerie, why is the test taking place in here?
0:18:04 > 0:18:08Originally, it was scheduled to be outside but...
0:18:10 > 0:18:15..unfortunately, the weather has beaten us again.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18I don't see why I have to do the test, anyway.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22There's only two roads on the whole island and nobody has a car!
0:18:22 > 0:18:27- It is for your own safety and other road users.- What, the sheep?
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Ross, did you or did you not...
0:18:30 > 0:18:32have a collision with a sheep, only last month?
0:18:32 > 0:18:36- Yes, but...- Ross, were you on your bike?
0:18:36 > 0:18:40Well, I was but that, that sheep is mad! It's got it in for me.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Nonetheless, greater awareness might have prevented the accident.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47I'm aware of that sheep all the time. It gives me nightmares!
0:18:47 > 0:18:50WIND BLOWS
0:18:53 > 0:18:59'Ah. So, Archie, are you taking the test as well?'
0:18:59 > 0:19:03Aye. On here, I took my grandmother's bike 18 years ago,
0:19:03 > 0:19:06but there's no been a test up till now.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10I've had to walk eight miles a day,
0:19:10 > 0:19:15so it will be good to be finally street legal.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18'But you can ride a bike without a Bikeability certificate,
0:19:18 > 0:19:22'it's just a recommendation.'
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Oh, I didn't know that.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Eight miles a day for 18 years.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31It's probably no that far.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Archie, that's twice around the earth.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44'In order to administer the test,
0:19:44 > 0:19:48'Valerie has developed an ingenious method of assessing the candidate.'
0:19:48 > 0:19:54What we've done is recreated some of the typical road situations
0:19:54 > 0:19:57that you might find around the island.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00So, right, gentlemen.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03You will move around the course in a safe manner,
0:20:03 > 0:20:08whilst I assess your manoeuvrability skills.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11OK. Go!
0:20:11 > 0:20:14MUSIC: "Born To Be Wild" by Steppenwolf
0:20:14 > 0:20:16That's it.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20Don't bunch up too much, gentlemen, please.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Three metres between you.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Watch out for the sheep, Ross.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29I've never felt so free.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Archie, look out!
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- Whoa, Oh! - CRASH!
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Ahhh!
0:20:36 > 0:20:40Back on board, gentlemen, please.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48'Later that day and the results are in.'
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Congratulations Ross, you are proficient.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Not much use though, not after what Archie done to my front wheel.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01It's like Miss Carpenter said,
0:21:01 > 0:21:04you have to be three metres from the bicycle in front.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07(Yes, three metres.)
0:21:07 > 0:21:11I'm so sorry, Archie, I couldn't pass you this time.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14I simply couldn't overlook the fact that you crushed
0:21:14 > 0:21:19the Post Office with your stabiliser and then fell on the school.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22There's always next year.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Aye.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29- All right, Pete.- All right, Carl. - What are you looking for?
0:21:29 > 0:21:33I put a custard pie in here about a month ago... There it is!
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Look at that. Good as new.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40- Put it on the table to defrost. - Yeah.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43- Why don't you use the microwave? - Oh, the microwave. It's broken.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47That reminds me, a man's coming to repair it in a second.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49- Back in a bit.- Yeah, yeah.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52CIRCUS THEME PLAYS
0:21:52 > 0:21:56CYMBALS CLASH
0:21:56 > 0:21:57MONKEY SHRIEK
0:21:58 > 0:22:01- It's just through here.- Right.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05- THUMP! - Ow!
0:22:05 > 0:22:10- Oh! Ah.- What's going on?
0:22:10 > 0:22:13This clown just hit me in the face with a frozen pie!
0:22:13 > 0:22:17- Like being smacked in the nose with a paving slab.- I'm so sorry.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20I don't know what came over me and I just... I'm sorry.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23I'm sure he didn't mean it.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Would you mind looking at the microwave, anyway?
0:22:26 > 0:22:30Well, now I'm done, I suppose. I'll have a look.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34This is unacceptable behaviour!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37I know, I know. I'll get some help.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40All right, I see what your problem is.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44Ahh! You just tripped a fuse switch on the back, there.
0:22:44 > 0:22:48- So you can defrost things in that now?- Yep.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50How much do I owe you?
0:22:50 > 0:22:55Erm...call out charge, frozen pie in the face, let's say 50 quid?
0:22:56 > 0:22:58- MICROWAVE BEEPS - Right, I'll get me wallet.
0:23:01 > 0:23:02MONKEY SHRIEK
0:23:02 > 0:23:05- SPLAT! - Oooh!
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Oh!
0:23:09 > 0:23:13I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- How much do I owe you? - Let's call it 100.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20Let me give you a...
0:23:22 > 0:23:24This always happens.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28Well, what a surprise!
0:23:28 > 0:23:32I've once again been joined by some extremely illustrious company,
0:23:32 > 0:23:37in the form of the BGSOGB, which means the...
0:23:40 > 0:23:42- Neville Mall.- Oh, aye.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46The Blueberry Growers Society Of Great Britain.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49And I've absolutely no idea why they're here.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53- She does know, we told her. - So, to what do I owe the pleasure?
0:23:53 > 0:23:58Well, due to your continuing excellent support
0:23:58 > 0:24:01for the blueberry growers industry,
0:24:01 > 0:24:06we would like to present to you this award, as a thank you.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Clap. Clap!
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Well, thank you!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19And once again, a very big thank you for coming along
0:24:19 > 0:24:21and bringing me this award today.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25Particularly, as I do know that one of you has recently
0:24:25 > 0:24:28lost your sense of smell during a water park accident.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34Ooh! WOMAN PASSES WIND
0:24:34 > 0:24:36THUD!
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Any... PASSES WIND AGAIN
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Where have they gone?
0:24:41 > 0:24:43BELL RINGS
0:24:43 > 0:24:46- OMG!- Say it.- Do you know what's totally hot right now?
0:24:46 > 0:24:49- No, what's hot?- The Factor. The Factor is so hot right now.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53I love the Factor! It's so hot right now.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56The Factor is so hot right now cos it's like, this amazing journey.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Cos you're like, not famous or anything.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Then you like, go to boot camp and Louis Walsh is there. Ha-ha!
0:25:02 > 0:25:05And you do a song and you're all like, famous.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08There's confetti cannons, Dermot O'Leary and things.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10You get all the rubbish ones at the beginning
0:25:10 > 0:25:13and it's like, totes hilarious and LOL random!
0:25:13 > 0:25:16- The Cowell.- Totes, the Cowell.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18- Love the Cowell. - The Cowell is amazeballs.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Because he's so like, HONEST and FUNNY,
0:25:21 > 0:25:24because like, if someone's rubbish and Cheryl Cole is all like,
0:25:24 > 0:25:28"No, pet, like, I think she was totally givin' it
0:25:28 > 0:25:32"a million and ten per cent and I think she's a real battler, like,"
0:25:32 > 0:25:36Simon Cowell is all like, "Ugh, that was rubbish. It was like, RUBS!"
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Because he says it like it is. Because that's who he is, isn't he?
0:25:39 > 0:25:43Which is good cos if he was your friend, he would be totally honest.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46Like when you wore white hot pants and your bum looked like a fridge.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49He'd tell it to your face. We all said it behind your back.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52But he'd, like, TOTES tell it to your face!
0:25:52 > 0:25:57Yeah? And that time you had a bogey stuck to your cheek in assembly,
0:25:57 > 0:26:02Simon Cowell would have pointed that out and said something sarcastic.
0:26:02 > 0:26:03TOILET FLUSHES
0:26:03 > 0:26:07- He so would. He's so rude! Like, who is he?- Like, who is he?
0:26:07 > 0:26:10I'm all like, who are you, Mr Simon Cowell?
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Who are you, Mr Simon "I'm from X Factor" Cowell?
0:26:12 > 0:26:16What are your credentials, Cowell from X Factor, with your hair?!
0:26:16 > 0:26:20- That hair!- Oh, I hate the Factor! - I hate the Factor!
0:26:20 > 0:26:24- The Factor is so not hot right now. - So.- Not.- Hot.- A-a-ah!- Bla-a-ah!
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Ooh!
0:26:27 > 0:26:29What is that SMELL?
0:26:29 > 0:26:32Oh, that's high. What is it? Ooh!
0:26:32 > 0:26:36What is THAT?!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Baby lotion?
0:26:38 > 0:26:40- BABY BABBLES - Milk?
0:26:40 > 0:26:43- No.- Milk that's come up again?- Nope. Whoo!
0:26:45 > 0:26:46It's candyfloss!
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- Candyfloss?- Candyfloss.
0:26:51 > 0:26:56MECHANICAL THRUMMING
0:26:56 > 0:26:57There you go.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Oh!
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Oh, when's this bus?
0:27:05 > 0:27:09Well, I've had the results back and it looks to me
0:27:09 > 0:27:11you've got a very nasty case of Soap Opera Reflex.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14So what you tryin' to say? What does it all mean?
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Well, it means you tend to overreact in certain situations.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20No-o-o! Leave it out, doc.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23- How can you say that to me? - There we go.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27Yeah, that is quite weird. Am I going to get this a lot?
0:27:27 > 0:27:30You should expect it to happen at least three times a week.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32How am I going to tell the missus?
0:27:32 > 0:27:37The kids - they're relying on me to be a father. How can I do that now?
0:27:37 > 0:27:39How can I look them in the eye?
0:27:39 > 0:27:42This looks like quite a bad episode you're having.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44What can I do? You've got to help me, doc!
0:27:44 > 0:27:47I'm afraid there's nothing I can do.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50DOCTOR COUGHS
0:27:50 > 0:27:53AGGRESIVE ACCENT: It looks like it's contagious.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55EASTENDERS-LIKE DRUM BEATS
0:27:55 > 0:27:58# La la la-la la-la... #
0:27:58 > 0:27:59I made you miss!
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Tony take, is mine!
0:28:01 > 0:28:04I'll get you, Philippe Bloodfuvver Soeur!
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Witch, she's a witch!
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Maybe my bees can help.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10- A thousand pounds! - A thousand pounds!
0:28:10 > 0:28:12BOTH: IN YOUR IMAGINATION!