The Most Boring Book in the World

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0:00:02 > 0:00:03SPOOKY LAUGHTER # Creepy ain't the word

0:00:03 > 0:00:05# Freaky ain't the word

0:00:05 > 0:00:06# Sneaky ain't the word

0:00:06 > 0:00:07# See what I've observed

0:00:07 > 0:00:09# There's no easy way to describe this geeky place

0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Even geeky place doesn't tell you what I need to say

0:00:12 > 0:00:13# This is Strange Hill

0:00:13 > 0:00:15# Where a talking frog can eat your face

0:00:15 > 0:00:16# It's very, very random

0:00:16 > 0:00:19# You'll get used to these debates if you stick around

0:00:19 > 0:00:20# Although I wouldn't recommend it

0:00:20 > 0:00:23# When they used the name "Strange", mate, they really meant it

0:00:23 > 0:00:25# There's some things in life with which you just don't mess

0:00:25 > 0:00:28# On every vest I got the letters SOS

0:00:28 > 0:00:30# Cos you never know what might be lurking round the corner

0:00:30 > 0:00:33# And what it might do if it ever found or saw you

0:00:33 > 0:00:35# Keep the lights on in the hallways, all day

0:00:35 > 0:00:39# Things won't always tend to go your way

0:00:39 > 0:00:41# Watch your back and be prepared

0:00:41 > 0:00:43# Can't wait for 3:30 See you there. #

0:00:43 > 0:00:45SCHOOL BELL RINGS

0:01:07 > 0:01:12"..The Corn Laws did not affect merely corn.

0:01:12 > 0:01:17"Barley was also affected. As were certain types of rice..."

0:01:17 > 0:01:20Oh... Must stay awake...

0:01:20 > 0:01:23But every word, more boring than the last!

0:01:23 > 0:01:28Oh...! Only 30 pages to go.

0:01:45 > 0:01:491883 was another interesting year.

0:01:49 > 0:01:53It consisted of 365 days.

0:01:53 > 0:01:57Of those, 52 were Mondays.

0:01:57 > 0:02:0252 were Tuesdays. But only three were Wednesdays,

0:02:02 > 0:02:06after a ship carrying the nation's Ws

0:02:06 > 0:02:11was sunk by an inconsiderate giant squid.

0:02:11 > 0:02:12MITCHELL MAKES INSECT NOISES

0:02:12 > 0:02:15Mitchell, stop! You're so distractible!

0:02:15 > 0:02:17- What?- You're such a yo-yo!

0:02:17 > 0:02:19My yo-yo! Brilliant.

0:02:19 > 0:02:24That's it for today. Don't forget your projects are due tomorrow.

0:02:24 > 0:02:27Project?!

0:02:27 > 0:02:30A history project? When has he ever mentioned this?!

0:02:30 > 0:02:34Every day this term. When have you not been paying attention?

0:02:34 > 0:02:38- Every day this term. You done yours?- Nearly.

0:02:38 > 0:02:42Mine is about the Strange Hill building and its many mysteries.

0:02:45 > 0:02:48Guess I should've emptied the milk out first.

0:02:48 > 0:02:51My project's about the electrical storm

0:02:51 > 0:02:54that nearly destroyed the school in 1881.

0:02:57 > 0:02:59It works!

0:02:59 > 0:03:02OK, I have one afternoon to do this.

0:03:02 > 0:03:05Well, 15 minutes - I don't want to waste an afternoon.

0:03:05 > 0:03:07I'll copy something from the library.

0:03:07 > 0:03:09GASPS

0:03:13 > 0:03:18- Are you, um, totally crazy?! - Like, boy is INSANE!

0:03:18 > 0:03:21The library! The library! Ah-ha-ha-ha!

0:03:21 > 0:03:25- What's wrong with the library? - He said it again! Noooo!

0:03:25 > 0:03:28Nobody goes into the li-berry!

0:03:28 > 0:03:32No-one who goes in ever comes out!

0:03:32 > 0:03:35What? That's crazy!

0:03:35 > 0:03:37That's why nobody goes in.

0:03:37 > 0:03:39Because of the BOOK.

0:03:39 > 0:03:43Pleeeeease change the subject!

0:03:43 > 0:03:47A book so boring that if you read it...

0:03:47 > 0:03:50You. Might. Vanish.

0:03:50 > 0:03:55- Yeah, good one! Way to fool the new guy.- I don't joke about no book!

0:03:55 > 0:03:59Not even a joke book, fool!

0:03:59 > 0:04:04Donald went to the library yesterday. Poor Donald.

0:04:04 > 0:04:09Poor, mysteriously-vanished Donald.

0:04:09 > 0:04:10ALL: Ooooohhh!

0:04:12 > 0:04:16You are crazy people. I need to pass my report.

0:04:16 > 0:04:19I need books. Books in library.

0:04:19 > 0:04:21End of.

0:04:25 > 0:04:28Now I know libraries can be scary places,

0:04:28 > 0:04:32full of books by Beeeeatrix Potterrrrr!

0:04:32 > 0:04:35- But are you going to help me or not?- Charles Dickens,

0:04:35 > 0:04:38just try to scare yourself out of me!

0:04:38 > 0:04:40I don't know the meaning of the word fear.

0:04:40 > 0:04:42I know a lot of synonyms for it, though.

0:04:42 > 0:04:46"Filling my pants with raisins" comes to mind.

0:04:53 > 0:04:56What are you doing here?!

0:04:56 > 0:05:00We're students. Students use school facilities. I attend this school.

0:05:00 > 0:05:03- Here I am.- Shhhh! Talk quietly!

0:05:03 > 0:05:06- WHISPERING - What?- Shhhhh!

0:05:12 > 0:05:13Shhhhh!

0:05:21 > 0:05:26Somewhere up there is the world's most evil book.

0:05:31 > 0:05:33Is it...this?!

0:05:33 > 0:05:35BECKY SCREAMS

0:05:35 > 0:05:36Oh! No, I guess not.

0:05:36 > 0:05:39Let's do my report then.

0:05:44 > 0:05:49There's a big old book. I bet that book's full of history.

0:05:49 > 0:05:52Or book bugs. Either way, neat!

0:05:59 > 0:06:03"A Most Intriguing History Of Strange Hill High,

0:06:03 > 0:06:05"by Bartlemass Baddooee, 1881."

0:06:05 > 0:06:10- Mitchell, this must have something good for your project!- Cool.

0:06:10 > 0:06:12You guys start looking for a topic for me

0:06:12 > 0:06:17and I'll go find a pencil so you can write it up. For me.

0:06:17 > 0:06:22"Strange Hill High was founded in the year 12 by a man named John.

0:06:22 > 0:06:24"There was not much going on in Britain,

0:06:24 > 0:06:27"so John had time on his hands..."

0:06:27 > 0:06:30BOTH SIGH

0:06:30 > 0:06:33Hmmm... Pencil, pencil.

0:06:33 > 0:06:38Ooh, The Big Book Of Tanks!

0:06:39 > 0:06:44"The year 14 wasn't much different than the year 12,

0:06:44 > 0:06:49"except that John was now known as "John The Acorn Eater".

0:06:49 > 0:06:51Urgh, get to an interesting part!

0:06:51 > 0:06:54Even the interesting parts aren't interesting!

0:06:54 > 0:06:57"1066 - had a visit from Norman."

0:06:57 > 0:07:00Ooh, go to the Great Storm of 1881!

0:07:00 > 0:07:04You can't make a big, electrical storm that destroys a school boring.

0:07:04 > 0:07:09Here we are! The Great Storm of 1881!

0:07:09 > 0:07:12"The day began, as most school days do, at 8am.

0:07:12 > 0:07:15"At 8:30, the skies were still clear.

0:07:15 > 0:07:17"At 9, a bell rang out.

0:07:17 > 0:07:21"But it was not the storm bell, merely the regular 9am bell."

0:07:21 > 0:07:26"At 10am, nothing happened and it soon became 10:01..."

0:07:28 > 0:07:30MITCHELL CHUCKLES

0:07:37 > 0:07:38CACKLING

0:07:45 > 0:07:46Where'd they go?

0:07:46 > 0:07:49THEY SCREAM

0:07:51 > 0:07:54- Excuse me?- Oh, great(!)

0:07:54 > 0:07:56Did you see where my friends went?

0:07:56 > 0:07:57What friends?

0:07:57 > 0:08:01- The friends I came in with. - No, you came in on your own.

0:08:01 > 0:08:05- No, I didn't.- Yes, you did. - No, I didn't.- I see only you.

0:08:05 > 0:08:07No, I came in with two friends.

0:08:07 > 0:08:10Maybe you imagined them.

0:08:10 > 0:08:12Imaginary friends.

0:08:12 > 0:08:14Are you an only child?

0:08:14 > 0:08:17Yes, I am. But there were three of us.

0:08:17 > 0:08:18Shhhhh!

0:08:18 > 0:08:22You're a very persistent young man and I don't like that.

0:08:22 > 0:08:23Three of us.

0:08:24 > 0:08:26I'll check the records.

0:08:33 > 0:08:34HE GASPS

0:08:36 > 0:08:38No.

0:08:38 > 0:08:42Nobody has been in here for... 12 years.

0:08:42 > 0:08:46Look, you really must go. It's closing time.

0:08:46 > 0:08:48It's 11:15 in the morning.

0:08:50 > 0:08:53Closing time.

0:08:53 > 0:08:55OK, I'll go.

0:08:55 > 0:08:57Going is good. Goodbye.

0:09:05 > 0:09:07Where are we?

0:09:07 > 0:09:10As far as I can tell, we've been abducted by aliens.

0:09:10 > 0:09:13Which ones, I cannot say.

0:09:13 > 0:09:16That's crazy. Why would aliens have an old broom?

0:09:16 > 0:09:17Probing.

0:09:29 > 0:09:33RESONANT METALLIC ECHOING

0:09:35 > 0:09:38What's this? What's that sound?

0:09:38 > 0:09:40Don't you know what it is?

0:09:40 > 0:09:42Warp engines!

0:09:42 > 0:09:44Travelling at light speed!

0:09:44 > 0:09:46We are most certainly on a spacecraft!

0:09:48 > 0:09:51Yes, that book must've been some sort of star-gate,

0:09:51 > 0:09:53A draw for the bravest and brightest.

0:09:53 > 0:09:55We have been chosen!

0:09:55 > 0:09:57Take me to your leader.

0:09:59 > 0:10:00Whoa!

0:10:00 > 0:10:04CHILDREN RECITE: 19th April, 1605...

0:10:04 > 0:10:08We come in peace! Under the shadow proclamation Section 44...

0:10:08 > 0:10:12..April, 1605 was a Wednesday....

0:10:12 > 0:10:15And the 21st was?

0:10:15 > 0:10:19Would it be a Thursday, Master Balding?

0:10:19 > 0:10:21No, Shackleton! There was no Thursday!

0:10:21 > 0:10:24Thursdays were destroyed in the Gunpowder Plot

0:10:24 > 0:10:29and we had to make do with a cobbled together day called Wednefrisday.

0:10:29 > 0:10:31Holy macarolly!

0:10:31 > 0:10:33It's incredible.

0:10:33 > 0:10:35Yes, Mr Balding is an alien.

0:10:46 > 0:10:50Now, children, if you'd all like to wipe clean your slates...

0:10:50 > 0:10:52THEY SPLUTTER

0:10:52 > 0:10:54Ew, gross!

0:10:54 > 0:10:57Fascinating! This must be how they digest their prey.

0:10:57 > 0:11:00..and write down today's date.

0:11:00 > 0:11:04May 5th, 1881. Why does that date look so familiar?

0:11:04 > 0:11:07- SHE GASPS - The Great Storm!

0:11:07 > 0:11:09It's the date of the storm that destroys the school!

0:11:09 > 0:11:11- We've got to... - Abandon ship!- ..rescue these kids!

0:11:11 > 0:11:14Mr Balding, you don't know me, but you do, well, you won't yet,

0:11:14 > 0:11:17but you will. Listen, there's going to be a terrible storm today

0:11:17 > 0:11:18and you have to get everyone to safety!

0:11:18 > 0:11:23Young lady, I cannot have this type of disruption in my class.

0:11:23 > 0:11:25There's going to be a disruption, all right -

0:11:25 > 0:11:27b-b-b-boom! Smash! Smash! Aargh!

0:11:27 > 0:11:31I'll have to send you and your compatriot to my office.

0:11:31 > 0:11:33- Creeply?- Grrrr.

0:11:33 > 0:11:35In the name of the Interstellar Peace Treaty, we...

0:11:35 > 0:11:36Whoa!

0:11:38 > 0:11:39- Aargh!- Oh!

0:11:43 > 0:11:45Becky!

0:11:45 > 0:11:47Templeton!

0:11:47 > 0:11:49Becks!

0:11:49 > 0:11:50T-Town!

0:11:50 > 0:11:51Beck...

0:11:53 > 0:11:55Ohh.

0:11:55 > 0:11:591001 Party Hats. Cool!

0:12:01 > 0:12:03DOOR HANDLE RATTLES

0:12:07 > 0:12:08We're locked in!

0:12:08 > 0:12:11The Great Storm is coming and we're stuck in a room

0:12:11 > 0:12:12with stuffed dodos and...

0:12:12 > 0:12:15Ew, what is that?

0:12:15 > 0:12:18No, Becks, don't you realise what's happened?

0:12:18 > 0:12:21They've selected us to be part of their alien zoo!

0:12:21 > 0:12:23- SHE GASPS - Templeton, look!

0:12:27 > 0:12:31A Most Intriguing History Of Strange Hill High.

0:12:31 > 0:12:33What's that doing here?

0:12:34 > 0:12:39HE WHISTLES

0:12:39 > 0:12:42Oh, where was I? Oh...oh, yeah, my friends!

0:12:45 > 0:12:47Hmm.

0:12:47 > 0:12:50The book they were reading might have a clue.

0:12:50 > 0:12:54Find the book and... Aw, filing cabinets?!

0:12:54 > 0:12:55Where's the computer?

0:12:57 > 0:12:59That's got to be it!

0:13:01 > 0:13:04HE GROANS AND STRAINS

0:13:06 > 0:13:07Ha-ha!

0:13:09 > 0:13:10CREAKING

0:13:13 > 0:13:14Waaah!

0:13:16 > 0:13:17Bum.

0:13:18 > 0:13:19Hmm.

0:13:19 > 0:13:23A Most Intriguing History of Strange Hill.

0:13:25 > 0:13:26That's it!

0:13:26 > 0:13:29Hmm. Becky and Templeton had this book and went missing.

0:13:29 > 0:13:30So did Donald.

0:13:30 > 0:13:32So must've all of these kids!

0:13:34 > 0:13:35Book, prepare to be read!

0:13:35 > 0:13:38Well, skimmed through, actually.

0:13:43 > 0:13:48CHORAL VOICES: # Aah-aah! #

0:13:51 > 0:13:54HE GRUNTS

0:13:56 > 0:13:57Ha!

0:14:07 > 0:14:09- SHE GASPS - It's handwritten!

0:14:09 > 0:14:12- SHE GASPS - "Written By Bartleby Balding."

0:14:12 > 0:14:15That's Mr Balding! What's going on here?

0:14:15 > 0:14:18It's the operator's manual for the spaceship!

0:14:18 > 0:14:20And Mr Balding is the pilot.

0:14:20 > 0:14:21SHE SIGHS

0:14:23 > 0:14:28Or he's a spaceship himself, operated by tiny aliens.

0:14:28 > 0:14:31- Let me see. - What? No, that's nuts!

0:14:31 > 0:14:33THEY GRUNT AND STRAIN

0:14:36 > 0:14:39SHE GASPS

0:14:39 > 0:14:41- SHE COUGHS - Wait. I'm all gasped out.

0:14:43 > 0:14:44OK.

0:14:44 > 0:14:47We just caused it to say, "Written by Bartlemass Baddooee," which is

0:14:47 > 0:14:50what it says in the future. So if we did that, that means

0:14:50 > 0:14:56we can use the book to communicate with whoever reads it in the future!

0:14:56 > 0:14:59That is the most absurd thing I've ever heard.

0:15:01 > 0:15:04"The Great Storm of 1881.

0:15:04 > 0:15:09"The day began, as most school days do, at 8AM."

0:15:09 > 0:15:11HE SIGHS

0:15:14 > 0:15:17- BECKY AND TEMPLETON: - Wake up, Mitchell!

0:15:17 > 0:15:18HE GASPS

0:15:18 > 0:15:20'We got sucked through the book.'

0:15:20 > 0:15:22'It's aliens.'

0:15:22 > 0:15:26'Ignore him! But help us! We're stuck in 1881!

0:15:26 > 0:15:29'The Great Storm is coming!

0:15:29 > 0:15:31'Turn the page!'

0:15:34 > 0:15:39"Baddooee is Balding. It's his book.

0:15:39 > 0:15:41"He's behind all the disappearances.

0:15:41 > 0:15:45"Get Balding and get help. And don't get distracted."

0:15:48 > 0:15:53How could Mr Balding have written a book hundreds of years ago?

0:15:55 > 0:15:57HE GASPS

0:15:57 > 0:15:59Mr Balding is immortal!

0:16:00 > 0:16:02Or at least really, really old.

0:16:05 > 0:16:07Oh, hello, young Mitchell.

0:16:07 > 0:16:08Hello!

0:16:08 > 0:16:11Just what I expect a time-bending, school-destroying villain to say

0:16:11 > 0:16:14as he falls into my trap!

0:16:15 > 0:16:16Whoa!

0:16:19 > 0:16:20Would you like a cup of tea?

0:16:20 > 0:16:26No, I'm fine, thanks. Are you feeling at all trapped yet?

0:16:26 > 0:16:29What's your game, Baldy? Destroy the school?

0:16:29 > 0:16:31Destroy the school?

0:16:31 > 0:16:34I love the school! Been here my whole life.

0:16:34 > 0:16:36I was writing a book about it, once.

0:16:36 > 0:16:39Yeah, a book so boring it's opened a borehole in space and time!

0:16:39 > 0:16:42Hmm, that boring, eh? Oh, dear.

0:16:42 > 0:16:46Been around so long, history just lost its pizazzle.

0:16:46 > 0:16:48You remember the last time you felt pizazzled?

0:16:48 > 0:16:53Ooh, uh...the 12th century. It was a Wednesday.

0:16:53 > 0:16:55Hmm. You said you love this school?

0:16:55 > 0:16:58Think about all the amazing stuff that happens here!

0:16:58 > 0:16:59I've just been here a few weeks

0:16:59 > 0:17:02and already I've seen stuff that would pizazzle your pants off.

0:17:02 > 0:17:04Like when they found that mummified king in the basement!

0:17:04 > 0:17:08Oh, that's the sort of thing that you find exciting, is it?

0:17:08 > 0:17:11Yeah. Skeleton with a crown? Duh.

0:17:11 > 0:17:15Now, listen. Exciting is the opposite of boring, right?

0:17:15 > 0:17:17And your book was so boring it sucked people in.

0:17:17 > 0:17:20So if you can make your book exciting...

0:17:20 > 0:17:22It might stop sucking!

0:17:22 > 0:17:25In so many ways! It might reverse the borehole!

0:17:25 > 0:17:29Spitting out everything it's swallowed! Brilliant!

0:17:29 > 0:17:31How did you come up with that?

0:17:31 > 0:17:34I don't know. I'm upside down.

0:17:34 > 0:17:37Guess the blood's actually making it to my brain for once.

0:17:41 > 0:17:44Odd. I thought the storm would've hit by now.

0:17:44 > 0:17:45Odd indeed.

0:17:48 > 0:17:52Are you ready to...finish your book?

0:17:52 > 0:17:54Which number pencil shall I use?

0:17:54 > 0:17:56- Erm...- I'm only kidding.

0:17:56 > 0:17:58I'm going to use a pen.

0:18:01 > 0:18:04Looking for this?

0:18:04 > 0:18:06Oh, yes, that's it. Thank you so much.

0:18:06 > 0:18:09Dude, she's being sarcastic.

0:18:09 > 0:18:13Uh, librarian lady, you do know that book does some horrible things?

0:18:13 > 0:18:16Horrible...or wonderful?

0:18:16 > 0:18:22It keeps my library clean. Clean of children and their sticky hands!

0:18:22 > 0:18:24Bending the pages, marking them,

0:18:24 > 0:18:28wiping bogies on a Henry Wadsworth Longfellow!

0:18:28 > 0:18:30HE CHUCKLES Wadsworth.

0:18:30 > 0:18:33Awful children like you.

0:18:33 > 0:18:36Now, perhaps you'd like to come here and read a nice,

0:18:36 > 0:18:38long passage from this book?

0:18:38 > 0:18:41It won't work on me. I have ADHD!

0:18:41 > 0:18:44No!

0:18:45 > 0:18:47Oh!

0:18:47 > 0:18:50Mr Balding, start writing exciting stuff!

0:18:51 > 0:18:53THEY GRUNT AND STRAIN

0:18:55 > 0:18:59It's hard to think of anything exciting that's ever happened to me.

0:18:59 > 0:19:01Tons of stuff happens here!

0:19:01 > 0:19:02Last week, we found a boy

0:19:02 > 0:19:05who was living in the lost and found for 100 years!

0:19:05 > 0:19:08Oh, yes. Peter! Rather an excitable boy!

0:19:08 > 0:19:11- HE GRUNTS - Ooh!

0:19:11 > 0:19:12RUMBLING

0:19:19 > 0:19:23The storm's coming! But it's coming from inside!

0:19:23 > 0:19:25We've got to warn the kids!

0:19:25 > 0:19:27Initiating panic phase. Roger.

0:19:29 > 0:19:31- Hi-yah!- Whoa!

0:19:32 > 0:19:33Aaargh!

0:19:38 > 0:19:42Prepare for the paper cut of your life!

0:19:42 > 0:19:44Hi-yah!

0:19:44 > 0:19:46PANICKED SHOUTING

0:19:49 > 0:19:53- You! What's your name again? - Ernest, Miss. Ernest Shackleton.

0:19:53 > 0:19:56Ernest, remember I told you about that storm?

0:19:56 > 0:19:57Well, it's happening

0:19:57 > 0:19:59and I need you to help get all these kids to a safe place.

0:19:59 > 0:20:01Have you ever been brave before?

0:20:01 > 0:20:05- No, Miss.- Well, it's as easy as being scared, but with less worry.

0:20:05 > 0:20:08So I want you to be brave and get everyone to the basement!

0:20:08 > 0:20:10Yes, Miss!

0:20:11 > 0:20:15"And then there was that time when a mysterious sailing ship,

0:20:15 > 0:20:20"devoid of passengers, washed up on the shores of Strange Hill"

0:20:20 > 0:20:21HE GRUNTS

0:20:28 > 0:20:29Oh!

0:20:32 > 0:20:33Ha-ha!

0:20:33 > 0:20:38- Oh!- "And then there was The Battle of the Library!"

0:20:38 > 0:20:40Oh!

0:20:40 > 0:20:41That's it!

0:20:41 > 0:20:43"The End. For now."

0:20:48 > 0:20:50It's the mother ship!

0:20:50 > 0:20:54Actually, it's the eye of the electrical storm!

0:20:54 > 0:20:56- BOTH:- Aaarrrrgh!

0:20:57 > 0:20:59Aaargh!

0:21:01 > 0:21:02Waaah!

0:21:04 > 0:21:09My precious books! They're all scuffed!

0:21:09 > 0:21:12As books should be. Don't you see, old girl?

0:21:12 > 0:21:15History's nothing if it's not lived in.

0:21:15 > 0:21:18And a book is not a book until it's read.

0:21:18 > 0:21:20You did it!

0:21:20 > 0:21:24All along, the Great Storm of 1881 was just you rescuing us!

0:21:24 > 0:21:27The Galactic Federation's sure to be pleased.

0:21:37 > 0:21:39So, after all that,

0:21:39 > 0:21:42I bet Mr Balding gave you a good grade on your project.

0:21:42 > 0:21:45Project?! D'oh!

0:21:45 > 0:21:49# This is why we stay out of the library, yo!

0:21:49 > 0:21:50# Out of the library

0:21:50 > 0:21:52# Out, out of the library

0:21:52 > 0:21:56# This is why we stay out of the library, yo!

0:21:56 > 0:21:57# Out of the library

0:21:57 > 0:21:59# Out, out of the library. #