0:00:02 > 0:00:05CHEERING
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Yeah!
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Mush! Mush!
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
0:00:48 > 0:00:51I am Santa Claus
0:00:51 > 0:00:57and welcome to The Dog Ate My Homework Christmas Special!
0:00:57 > 0:01:01No! Agh! Ow! Agh! What? No!
0:01:01 > 0:01:05Agh! Eh! Whoa! Whoa!
0:01:05 > 0:01:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:10 > 0:01:11I am Santa Claus.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15No presents for you, no presents for you...
0:01:15 > 0:01:21I'm only joking. I'm not Santa. I'm Iain Stirling!
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Guys, let's get on with the show!
0:01:31 > 0:01:34On my right, a boy whose whole family were behind him
0:01:34 > 0:01:36when he ate an entire bucket of Brussels sprouts -
0:01:36 > 0:01:39turns out that was a bad place to stand.
0:01:39 > 0:01:40It's Oscar.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Here, Sir!
0:01:42 > 0:01:46And on Oscar's team, a woman who gets a lot of stick during panto season,
0:01:46 > 0:01:48mainly from her dog.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50It's Ashleigh and Pudsey!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52We're here!
0:01:54 > 0:01:57And joining them, someone who's a bit like leftover turkey -
0:01:57 > 0:02:00you're stuck with them long after you've had your fill.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03From CBBC, it's the superstar, Hacker T Dog!
0:02:03 > 0:02:07- Here, Miss! - Give it up for Oscar's team!
0:02:07 > 0:02:11On my left, a girl who sings Christmas songs so much,
0:02:11 > 0:02:13she get TINSELitus.
0:02:13 > 0:02:14It's Sade, everybody!
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Here, Sir!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Joining Sade, someone who can expect a number of Christmas presents
0:02:20 > 0:02:21from me this year.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23That number being zero.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25It's TV presenter Alex Riley!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Here, Sir!
0:02:27 > 0:02:28And finally, on Sade's team,
0:02:28 > 0:02:33someone whose Christmas dinner table has no plates, no cutlery, no food.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Sounds like it's just crackers.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36It's comedian Pippa Evans!
0:02:36 > 0:02:41- Here, Sir.- Give it up for Sade's team, everybody!
0:02:41 > 0:02:45- Iain?- Yes, Hacker the Dog? - Look what I've got?- Is it fleas?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Yes, it's... No, cheeky! No.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52It's a lovely bouquet of mistletoe.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Why have you got mistletoe?
0:02:54 > 0:02:56See if you can blag yourself a cheeky little smacker -
0:02:56 > 0:02:58come over here, Iain, for old times' sake,
0:02:58 > 0:03:02and give us a kiss on the t'chops.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04All right, one quick kiss. Here we go.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:09 > 0:03:11- Mwah!- Urgh!
0:03:11 > 0:03:13HACKER SPLUTTERS
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Urgh - you taste like meat paste.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17That's nice, in't it?
0:03:17 > 0:03:18You taste like haggis!
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Your manners are atrocious, not like Pudsey here.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Pudsey, do you mind helping the dog with the Christmas dinner?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27There might even be a little free sausage in it for you?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29PUDSEY BARKS AND WHINES
0:03:29 > 0:03:30He said yes, he will help you.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32- Is that what he said? - I think so.- Good lad.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Tell you what, Pudsey, off you go!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Give it up for Pudsey, everybody.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42OK, guys, let's get on with the show!
0:03:48 > 0:03:50As usual, our teams are going to battle it out -
0:03:50 > 0:03:52"To win what?", I hear you ask.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Well, as it's Christmas, if you're very lucky,
0:03:54 > 0:03:58you can look up to the sky and see a very special gold star.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00AUDIENCE OOHS
0:04:00 > 0:04:04Yes, behold the star of CBBC special effects box.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07The teams will be awarded stars for general Christmas cheer
0:04:07 > 0:04:10and for correct answers, but give me any bah humbug,
0:04:10 > 0:04:13and I'll wish them away, like this...
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- AUDIENCE:- Aw!
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Yes, it's Christmas, but guys, it's still Iain's school, so it's...
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- AUDIENCE:- Iain's rules!
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Yes - at the end of the show,
0:04:23 > 0:04:25it's all about who has the most stars.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27The winners will get an extra helping of plum pudding,
0:04:27 > 0:04:30whilst the losers get detention with a plum pudding.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33It's our very own Mr Smash.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35MR SMASH GROWLS
0:04:36 > 0:04:40Smashy, Smashy, what are you dressed as?
0:04:40 > 0:04:42MR SMASH GRUMBLES
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Oh, I see - you're a Christmas elf.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46No prizes for guessing who the dog as dressed as.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49What' with the high-viz jacket?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Oh - they're ELF and safety.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53MR SMASH YELLS
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Argh...!
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Iain?- Yeah. - I hope he's got ELF insurance.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08LAUGHTER
0:05:08 > 0:05:11OK, guys - let's get on with the game!
0:05:17 > 0:05:20This is Stick To The Points.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22- ANNOUNCER:- Stick To The Point.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24This is the part of the show
0:05:24 > 0:05:27that tests our teams' speed of thought, creative thinking
0:05:27 > 0:05:31and ability to shout random nonsense at a man - that man being me.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Here's how it's done. I throw out some quickfire questions,
0:05:34 > 0:05:37and the teams need to answer them as fast as they can.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39If they're too slow or repeat someone else's answer,
0:05:39 > 0:05:42they're out of the game and have to sit in the Shush position.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Can I see everyone's Shush position, please?
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Shush it right up.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48THEY SHUSH
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Lovely stuff. Sounds effects are optional.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54The gold star goes to the last team speaking.
0:05:54 > 0:05:59Now, for this game, I need to call on my stick of pointiness. Pudsey?
0:05:59 > 0:06:02HE WHISTLES Come on, Pudsey. Come on. Puds.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06- Oh!- Pudsey!- Oh, Pudsey, you're such a letdown!
0:06:06 > 0:06:09- Come over here. - You'll have to do it, Ashleigh.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11What did he say, Hacker?
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Pudsey said, "Not on your nelly, cocker, you get it yourself."
0:06:14 > 0:06:18- There you go. Thanks anyway. - And I sort of agree with him.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Here is how the game works.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22I am going to start giving you some questions.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Answer them as quickly as you can.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Your time starts when I ask the first question
0:06:26 > 0:06:30and the first question is "foods that you eat at Christmas".
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- Pippa?- Turkey.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Yes. Alex?
0:06:33 > 0:06:34Sprouts.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Yeah, there you go. Hacker?
0:06:36 > 0:06:37Goujons.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41What type of goujons?
0:06:41 > 0:06:42Chicken or otherwise.
0:06:42 > 0:06:43OK. Sade?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- Duck.- Duck?- Duck.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Very posh! Pippa?
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Mince pies.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Yes, please. Sade?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- Roast chicken. - Yes, please. Hacker?
0:06:53 > 0:06:54You know those little things, right?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57The little things that you slice up dead fine
0:06:57 > 0:06:58and you sort of put them on this...
0:06:58 > 0:07:00And you eat the... Carrots!
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Sade?
0:07:03 > 0:07:04Chicken.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- Have we had chicken? - Uh, potatoes! Chicken potatoes.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08BUZZER We've had chicken.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- Shush position, please. - Oh...!- Oscar?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13- Roast potatoes.- There you go. Alex?
0:07:13 > 0:07:14Stuffing.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16- Yes - excuse me!- Sorry.- Hacker?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18HACKER STAMMERS
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Peas!
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Alex?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23- Nuts.- Yes, please. Oscar?
0:07:23 > 0:07:27Uh...don't really see if this counts as food or not, but milk?
0:07:27 > 0:07:32You can't have... Oh, it's Christmas - Santa has milk.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- Yeah, exactly.- Ha. - That's what you meant, isn't it?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37- Yeah.- You liar! Alex?
0:07:37 > 0:07:38Christmas pudding.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39Yes, please. Hacker?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Kumquats.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43Pippa?
0:07:43 > 0:07:44Tree decorations.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46You can't eat tree decorations.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- You can! You can get chocolates... - Oh, yeah!- Thank you.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53- Bonus gold star, I like that answer. Well done.- Thank you.- Ashleigh?
0:07:53 > 0:07:54Cranberry sauce.
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Yes, please. Alex?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Eh...g...goose.
0:07:57 > 0:07:58BUZZER Shush position!
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- Oh, no.- Pippa, it's three-on-one. Here we go, Oscar?
0:08:01 > 0:08:02One of your five-a-day.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04I'm not going to give you that.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06BUZZER Shush position. Pippa?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- Chestnuts. - Yes, please - roasting on a...?
0:08:08 > 0:08:10# Open fire... #
0:08:10 > 0:08:11Lovely! Hacker?
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Pomegranates.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16You're just saying weird fruit, now. Hacker?
0:08:16 > 0:08:17I don't have any more lined up!
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Oh, Shush position! BUZZER
0:08:19 > 0:08:23It's Ashleigh against Pippa, here we go. Ashleigh.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24Gateau.
0:08:24 > 0:08:25Yes - Pippa.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Dates.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Yes. Pippa. Uh... Pippa!
0:08:28 > 0:08:29LAUGHTER
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Christmas cake.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Yes. Ashleigh.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- Nuts.- Have we had nuts? We've had nuts.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- Shush position.- No!
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Points go to Sade!
0:08:38 > 0:08:40THEY CHEER
0:08:41 > 0:08:42Get in!
0:08:42 > 0:08:46OK - "things you can do in the snow". Hacker?
0:08:46 > 0:08:48- I can do a mime. - Yeah?
0:08:50 > 0:08:51- AUDIENCE:- Urgh!
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Ah - lovely.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Oh, in the snow. Pippa?
0:08:56 > 0:08:57Snow angels.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Yes, please. Alex?
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Make it into small balls and throw them at people.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Snowballs. Oscar?
0:09:03 > 0:09:05You can make a snowman.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06Yes. Sade?
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Igloo.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Ooh, very lovely. Hacker?
0:09:09 > 0:09:11You can make a snowWOMAN.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- How very 2015 of you. - Thank you, that's what I do.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Pippa?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Make a facemask so you can't feel your face any more.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I love doing that(!)
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Ashleigh?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27You can make a snowdog?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Oh, keeping it on-brand. Alex?
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Sledging.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Yes. Oscar?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Drink the snow. Or eat it.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Don't do it after Hacker's done this...
0:09:36 > 0:09:38After he's weed in it. Disgusting. Sade?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Wee in the snow.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41We've had that.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43BUZZER Even done a mime. Shush position.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44Hacker?
0:09:44 > 0:09:46- You can ski on it. - You can. Pippa?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Build a home.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- We've had igloo.- That's different!
0:09:50 > 0:09:51What type of home are you building?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54My home is a semidetached house with a garden and a pool.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- I'll give you that, then. Ashleigh? - You can make a den in it?
0:09:57 > 0:09:59I'm putting you in the Shush position.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01- BUZZER - No!- Too similar. Alex?
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Look for wildlife.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07- You can.- In a snow-covered forest.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10"Is that a snow leopard? No, it's Ashleigh in her den."
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Hacker?
0:10:12 > 0:10:15You can look at it and admire its beauty.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17"Oh, look at that beautiful moving snow.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19"Oh, no, wait - it's Ashleigh in her den."
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Pippa?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Put salt on it and watch it melt.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26That's the most sinister thing I've ever heard.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28- Alex?- Melt it and drink it.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30- We've had "drink it".- What? - BUZZER
0:10:30 > 0:10:32- No, we haven't.- We have. Get in...
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Get in the Shush position. Hacker?
0:10:34 > 0:10:37I've nothing more to offer to this game.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39BUZZER Shush position. Pippa?
0:10:39 > 0:10:40Skiing.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42- We've had that.- No! - BUZZER
0:10:42 > 0:10:45The points go to Oscar's team!
0:10:45 > 0:10:49THEY CHEER, SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:10:49 > 0:10:53That is time up, and at the end of that round,
0:10:53 > 0:10:56the gold star goes to Sade's team!
0:11:02 > 0:11:05This is Who Do You Think You Are,
0:11:05 > 0:11:10where our teams get the opportunity to enter their very own HOLE Of Fame.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12The Hole Of Fame.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Our team members take turns
0:11:14 > 0:11:18putting their head through a specially designed face space.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20We'll then attach the body of someone lots more famous.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Not literally, of course - that would be horrific.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Our celebrities, all they have to do is guess
0:11:26 > 0:11:29who they are by asking a series of yes/no questions.
0:11:29 > 0:11:34The team that guess their identity in the fewest questions win a gold star.
0:11:34 > 0:11:39OK, Hacker, it's your turn, so please head over to the Hole Of Fame.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41The Hole Of Fame.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44HACKER GRUNTS
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- How's that?- You look great.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49- How do you feel?- I feel lovely.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52All right, all right.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55OK, Hacker, it's time to make you famous.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57IAIN BABBLES
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Oh!
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Give us your cutest woof.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04- SWEETLY:- Woof!
0:12:04 > 0:12:05LAUGHTER
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Look to your right.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Up a bit more. What...?
0:12:09 > 0:12:11What do you make of her?
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Oh, she looks nice. Is she nice?
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Yeah. What would you say is her best feature?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Pfft... Ankles?
0:12:19 > 0:12:20Christmas-related.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- You've got yes/no questions. - Right.- Off you go.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Am I a dog?
0:12:26 > 0:12:27- Yes.- Yes.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29I mean, I know I'm a dog.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30I'm always a dog.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31Am I dog on the thing?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Yes!
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Am I... Am I Lassie?
0:12:36 > 0:12:37No!
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Am I a famous dog?
0:12:39 > 0:12:41- Yes.- Yes.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Am I a cartoon dog?
0:12:43 > 0:12:44No.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- So I'm not Scooby-Doo?- No, but you can do your impression if you want.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50HE CHORTLES LIKE SCOOBY
0:12:50 > 0:12:53I only mention things I can do a vague impression of
0:12:53 > 0:12:55then I get a bit of material out of it.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Any more questions?
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Am I...off the television?
0:12:59 > 0:13:01You are off and on the television.
0:13:01 > 0:13:06- Am I a success?- Mm...yeah. - Yeah, kind of.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07You're successful at what you do.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Right. Do I do tricks?
0:13:10 > 0:13:12- No.- Um...
0:13:12 > 0:13:15I tell you what, you're quite a posh dog. Do your posh dog.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Look to your right again and then say something posh to that young lady.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- POSH ACCENT:- Hello, love, can I borrow a fiver?
0:13:22 > 0:13:24LAUGHTER
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Or, as she likes to call them, "selfies".
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- Is that a clue?!- No... - It's the Queen.- No...
0:13:30 > 0:13:31I know who I am!
0:13:31 > 0:13:34- You're the Queen...- Am I the corgi?
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Yes!
0:13:38 > 0:13:39Alex, it's your turn now.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Please put your face in the Hole Of Fame.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45The Hole Of Fame.
0:13:47 > 0:13:52- OK, Alex.- Yes.- It's time to make you more famous - in a way.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Ridiculous word!
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Give it a lick and see what do you think.
0:13:58 > 0:14:03- Mmm...- Right out, not your own face. There you go.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- How's that?- That's good, I like that. - You like it?
0:14:07 > 0:14:11Not a lot of people do. OK, yes/no questions.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12Alex, off you go.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Am I a man?- No.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17- Am I a woman?- No.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- Am I...? - IAIN LAUGHS
0:14:20 > 0:14:21I told you it wouldn't be easy.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- Am I an animal?- No.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29- Am I an inanimate object?- Yes.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31- Am I a vegetable?- Yes.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36OK. Am I...a root vegetable?
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- No.- No, of course not.- No.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- You got here on the Eurostar. - Pardon?
0:14:42 > 0:14:44You got here on the Eurostar.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Ah, ouais, ouais, ouais...
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Do you need to go now? Cos we've got a break in about ten minutes.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52No, it's French, that, Iain - for yes.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56So, I'm a French vegetable...
0:14:56 > 0:15:00- No - you went a bit further on the Eurostar.- Belgian?- Yes.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- Am I Belgian?- No... Oh, yes. Yeah.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- Sorry.- Oh!
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Je suis un sprout.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Yeah!
0:15:13 > 0:15:15And after all that, I can reveal that the winners,
0:15:15 > 0:15:17and getting themselves a gold star,
0:15:17 > 0:15:22is...Sade's team!
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Time now for Pie The Supply.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Pie The Supply.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34This is the part of the show
0:15:34 > 0:15:37where we welcome a new supply teacher to the school
0:15:37 > 0:15:38with a bit of Christmas pie,
0:15:38 > 0:15:41but rather than present it on a nice China plate,
0:15:41 > 0:15:45we place it right in the centre of their famsquage.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Our teams will be presented with four possible teachers.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53Only one is the real thing and the other three are impostors,
0:15:53 > 0:15:55with a little bit of a death wish.
0:15:55 > 0:16:00The teams must identify, then pie, the actual supply.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03So let's bring out the teachers!
0:16:03 > 0:16:07AUDIENCE BOOS
0:16:07 > 0:16:11Boo! Boo the teachers, boo!
0:16:11 > 0:16:16OK - let's listen to our teachers' CVs, here we go.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Teacher number one is Mr Casagrande.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21He's been a maths teacher for six years.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Whilst studying to become a teacher,
0:16:23 > 0:16:27he worked as a professional Santa's little helper.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Teacher number two, Mr Smith.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32He's been a maths teacher for nine years.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36For fun, he teaches his class maths-related Christmas carols,
0:16:36 > 0:16:42such as Take Away In A Manger and Christmas Prime, Mistletoe and Sine.
0:16:42 > 0:16:43How boring.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Teacher number three, Miss Duffy,
0:16:46 > 0:16:48has been a maths teacher for four years.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50The best Christmas present she ever received was
0:16:50 > 0:16:56a set of One Direction bed covers given to her by her mum - weird.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Teacher number four is Miss Pye.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01She's been a maths teacher for two years.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04She enjoys handing out homework over Christmas.
0:17:04 > 0:17:09In her spare time, she looks after her four cats.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12So, there's the four teachers.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Sade's team, do any of these people jump out at you as maths teachers?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I think number two - he could be a maths teacher.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20He's got the maths teacher glasses.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24And the maths teacher jokes, with Take Away In A manger.
0:17:24 > 0:17:29Oh, yeah - look, he's happy with it as well. Oscar's team?
0:17:29 > 0:17:33- Who looks like a maths teacher? - Number three is out, for me.
0:17:33 > 0:17:39- I think number one.- Why?- Because his jumper looks like a big dog muck.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42- I think it's number four. - Number four?- I agree.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Because she likes handing out homework.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- ANNOUNCER:- Christmas Dance! - It's the Christmas Dance!
0:17:47 > 0:17:51# Oh, don't leave me alone like this
0:17:51 > 0:17:55# Don't you say it's the final kiss
0:17:55 > 0:17:59# Oh, won't you stay another day... #
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Right, stop, stop, stop!
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Let's get something a little bit more upbeat!
0:18:04 > 0:18:09# I wish it could be Christmas every day
0:18:11 > 0:18:17# When the kids start singing and the band begins to play
0:18:17 > 0:18:23# Oh I wish it could be Christmas every day... #
0:18:23 > 0:18:25RECORD SCRATCHES
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Let's ask some questions. OK, so Sade's team.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30They all think they're maths teachers.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Let's find out who is. Ask some questions.
0:18:33 > 0:18:34Number three, what's 8 x 7?
0:18:34 > 0:18:37- 8 x 7, number three. - Eight sevens.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41- Number three, are you awake? Number three!- 56.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42- Sorry?- 56.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- Yes.- Yeah, is that right? - Yeah, but it was a bit slow.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47It only took you a week(!)
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Number one, eight sevens.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53He just said it!
0:18:53 > 0:18:5456.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57I don't think any of them are maths teachers.
0:18:57 > 0:19:02- Number two, what's your favourite equation?- Um...
0:19:02 > 0:19:05The area of a circle, pi r squared.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08He's either not a maths teacher or a very bad maths teacher.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Number four, could you just give us
0:19:12 > 0:19:14a brief explanation of what calculus is?
0:19:14 > 0:19:17- Yeah, lovely.- Calculus...
0:19:17 > 0:19:18Eh - no.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20LAUGHTER
0:19:22 > 0:19:25"Definitely not number four."
0:19:25 > 0:19:28What about Oscar's team? Have you got any questions?
0:19:28 > 0:19:34Number three, what's the square root of five billion thousand squared?
0:19:34 > 0:19:38It's five billion thousand. Cos five billion thousand squared...
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- I've got the killer question here, Iain.- OK, go, Hacks.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42HACKER CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Which one of you is the maths teacher?
0:19:46 > 0:19:49What about telling off? I want you to tell them off.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Pippa, do something naughty.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Oh, right - everyone, tell Pippa off. Number one.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Stop it! Don't do it.
0:19:57 > 0:19:58- Quite fierce.- Number two.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00You pathetic child! Get in the corner!
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Oh! Ooh...
0:20:03 > 0:20:04IAIN YELLS IN FRIGHT
0:20:04 > 0:20:10Number two is mad! Everyone, run, quick!
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Number three?
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Behave ourselves in my classroom!
0:20:14 > 0:20:17- Whoa!- Number four?
0:20:17 > 0:20:19If you don't stop that now, extra homework for everyone.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21AUDIENCE OOHS
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Audience, let's see what do you think.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25One, two, three or four.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Who is the real maths teacher? On the count of three, let me know.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29One, two, three...
0:20:29 > 0:20:32THEY YELL
0:20:36 > 0:20:41- Guys, guys, guys - it's your own time you're wasting.- And ours!
0:20:41 > 0:20:43- That's the joke.- Oh, right.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Right, decision time - Sade,
0:20:45 > 0:20:48you have to decide who is Santa's little helper
0:20:48 > 0:20:51and who should be mucking out the reindeers.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- Please come over here, because it's time for you to...- Pie The Supply.
0:20:55 > 0:21:01OK, there you go, Sade. Who's going to get a pie in the face?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Right in the famsquage.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06AUDIENCE OOHS
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Look at the strut on...
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Oh!
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Who's going to be the real maths teacher?
0:21:15 > 0:21:19Ooh...ooh...ooh...ooh...
0:21:19 > 0:21:21All right, come on, hurry up!
0:21:21 > 0:21:23CHEERING
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Number four has taken a right hit.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32I think number four has got a bit of something on her face.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Just a little bit. Just... Yeah, you've got it, you've got it.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39OK. Oscar, you're up next, mate. Time for you to...
0:21:39 > 0:21:43- Pie The Supply. - There we go.- Pie the Supply.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Who's it going to be?
0:21:46 > 0:21:49AUDIENCE OOHS
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Hello! Hello!
0:21:55 > 0:21:56Oh!
0:21:56 > 0:21:58CHEERING
0:21:58 > 0:22:03Right, guys, we have either pied a supply teacher
0:22:03 > 0:22:06or just a nice person that came on the show.
0:22:06 > 0:22:11Let's find out. Would the real supply teacher please step forward?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16CHEERING
0:22:17 > 0:22:21Oscar, you've got yourself a gold star!
0:22:27 > 0:22:32- Welcome to Lost Property. - Lost Property.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36Today, we'll be trying to sort out the school's Christmas decorations
0:22:36 > 0:22:39and whoever put them away last year left them in a right mess.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Oscar and Ashleigh will be decorating this lovely Christmas tree.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45AUDIENCE OOHS
0:22:45 > 0:22:51While Sade and Pippa will be decorating this lovely Alex Riley.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53LAUGHTER
0:22:53 > 0:22:57The team with the most stuff on their Christmas tree or Riley
0:22:57 > 0:22:58wins a gold star.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01OK, teams, you have until you hear the school bell ringing
0:23:01 > 0:23:04and your time starts when I give you your first object.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08First object is..fairy lights! Go!
0:23:08 > 0:23:11SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
0:23:11 > 0:23:15Fairy lights, fairy lights - you're looking for fairy lights.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Giant candy cane, giant candy cane.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21Giant candy cane, if you can't find fairy lights.
0:23:21 > 0:23:22Rubber, rubber chicken.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25You got a rubber chicken?
0:23:25 > 0:23:30OK - em... Christmas vase, Christmas vase.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Oh!
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Giant gold bauble. A giant gold bauble.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Giant gold bauble.
0:23:39 > 0:23:44- Gingerbread man.- Gingerbread man. Gingerbread man.- Gingerbread man.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Snowflake, giant snowflake.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- Quick, quick, quick... - There's more than one.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Put it near the...
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Christmas wreaths - Christmas wreaths.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Can you see wreaths?
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Get your stick in it.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Wreath - mistletoe, mistletoe.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Mistletoe.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Mistle... Mistletoe. Have you got mistletoe?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Ski pole.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Leave one, leave one. Let go!
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Christmas pudding, Christmas pudding.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Hurry up! Christmas pudding.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Uh... Santa hat, Santa hat.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26SCHOOL BELL RINGS Time's up, time's up.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Let's find out who's got the most objects.
0:24:31 > 0:24:37We'll go over to the very fetching Alex Riley. How do you feel?
0:24:37 > 0:24:41I feel amazing. I feel so Christmassy.
0:24:41 > 0:24:48We've got one, two, three... The vase.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50I'll give you that, a bit of vase.
0:24:50 > 0:24:56Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
0:24:56 > 0:25:0111, 12, 13 - fell in your shoe - then 14.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04- 14.- 14 items.- These, too.
0:25:04 > 0:25:09Oh, yeah, so that's 15 - 15 items on Alex Riley, well done.
0:25:09 > 0:25:1215 - come on!
0:25:12 > 0:25:15All right, 15 to beat. Let's see how many you've got.
0:25:15 > 0:25:22- We've got...one, two, three, four, five...- Five, yeah.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23..six...
0:25:23 > 0:25:25- VASE SMASHES - Argh!
0:25:25 > 0:25:30..seven, eight, nine, ten...
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Christmas present under the tree, ten...
0:25:32 > 0:25:36- 11, 12, 13, 14... - No, stop making me lose count, Oscar!
0:25:36 > 0:25:4212, 13, 14, 15...
0:25:42 > 0:25:44- You got 15 as well.- What?
0:25:44 > 0:25:49It's a draw, which means both teams get a gold star!
0:25:55 > 0:25:58And sadly, that is the end of the show.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00All that's left for me to do is tot the scores
0:26:00 > 0:26:05and see who are our good kings and who came Wences-last.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08LAUGHTER AND GROANING Oh, come on!
0:26:08 > 0:26:14That was good! Right, so let's bring down the stars.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16AUDIENCE OOHS
0:26:19 > 0:26:21OOHING CONTINUES
0:26:23 > 0:26:26And the winners are...
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Sade's team!
0:26:28 > 0:26:30THEY CHEER
0:26:32 > 0:26:35You guys get a lifetime's supply of seasonal cheer
0:26:35 > 0:26:38and for Oscar's team, it's time that the dog eats your homework
0:26:38 > 0:26:40and you get Christmas dinner with Mr Smash.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43It's time to take the walk of shame.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46- # La-la-la, la-la-la-la... - Losers!
0:26:46 > 0:26:48- # La-la-la, la-la-la-la... - Losers!
0:26:48 > 0:26:50- # La-la-la, la-la-la-la... - Losers!
0:26:50 > 0:26:52- # La-la-la, la-la-la-la... - Losers!
0:26:52 > 0:26:53# Losers. #
0:26:53 > 0:26:55And that's your lot, guys.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Have a great Christmas and we'll see you all next time on...
0:26:58 > 0:27:02ALL: The Dog Ate My Homework!
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Sees ya!
0:27:04 > 0:27:07CHEERING