0:00:41 > 0:00:44Hello, and welcome to The Dog Ate My Homework,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47CBBC's best excuse for a panel show.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48I'm Iain Stirling
0:00:48 > 0:00:51and I'm here to put good times back on the timetable.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54So let's kick things off with the school announcements.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Congratulations to our biology club,
0:00:56 > 0:00:58who have successfully managed
0:00:58 > 0:01:01to cross a guinea pig with Harry Styles.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03LAUGHTER
0:01:03 > 0:01:05After a number of complaints,
0:01:05 > 0:01:09the new IT teacher strongly denies being an attention seeker.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12LAUGHTER
0:01:12 > 0:01:15And due to a typing error in today's religious education class,
0:01:15 > 0:01:18children will be learning about the importance of cod.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21LAUGHTER
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Enough mucking about,
0:01:22 > 0:01:26let's take the register to find out who's getting an A-star today.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28- On my left we have Roma...- Here.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32..and on Roma's team we have teacher turned comedian Romesh Ranganathan.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Here, sir.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38He's got specs, he's got funny, no, it's not me, it's Sam Fletcher.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Here.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Squeeze them all together into a super-student,
0:01:41 > 0:01:45we get Rosam Rangarom.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48That looks better than me, which is upsetting.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52BEC HILL: That looks like if you made a shark into a person.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55- That's what it would look like. - There you have it.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57And on my right-hand side we have Jamie.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- Here, miss, I mean Iain. Sorry. - Unbelievable.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04- And in Jamie's team we have Australia's very own Bec Hill.- Here.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06And joining them, Britain's Got Talent comedy king,
0:02:06 > 0:02:08it's Jack Carroll.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09- Here.- Nice.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Put them together and we get Jambecarol.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18Otherwise known as the ugliest human being ever created.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20It's mainly me!
0:02:20 > 0:02:23That's what Bec's twin brother looks like.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- Yeah.- That's it, so please big up both the teams today.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32OK, this is how we do it -
0:02:32 > 0:02:36every time you win a round you get to hand in some of this homework.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39The team that hands in the most wins the whole game.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43However, the team of - for want of a better word - losers,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45get put straight into detention
0:02:45 > 0:02:48with a man fiercer than a football stadium full of Beyonces,
0:02:48 > 0:02:49and, believe me, that is...
0:02:51 > 0:02:53fierce.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54It's Mr Smash.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Aargh!
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Hi, Smashy, what you doing, mate?
0:02:58 > 0:03:00HE GRUNTS
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I'm quite busy, mate, I'm presenting a telly show...
0:03:03 > 0:03:05HE GRUNTS
0:03:08 > 0:03:10What you doing?
0:03:10 > 0:03:11You'll make them angry, mate.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16I'm warning you, they'll turn on you, mate.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26First rule of comedy - never provoke the audience.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28So that's who's in charge of detention,
0:03:28 > 0:03:32and remember, as far as the points go, it's Iain's school so it's...
0:03:32 > 0:03:35AUDIENCE: Iain's rules.
0:03:35 > 0:03:40Who's got two thumbs and a catch phrase? This guy!
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Right, enough shirking, let's get working.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50OK, this round is called Shedloads,
0:03:50 > 0:03:54the round with more back and forth than a selfish kid on a swing.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57I'll ask you a question that has shedloads of right answers.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58You have to give me as many of
0:03:58 > 0:04:01those correct answers as humanly possible.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03When I want to move on, I'll switch to another question,
0:04:03 > 0:04:05and when the bell goes,
0:04:05 > 0:04:08the team that I think has done the best can hand in their homework.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- Everybody on board? - ALL: Yes.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Roma's team, your first question is geography.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Name places that finish with the word "land". Go!
0:04:16 > 0:04:17- Iceland.- Go.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19- Scotland.- Yes.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21- England.- Yes. - Donald Sutherland.- Nice.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- Poundland.- Yes.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25- BUZZER - You've had it. Moving on...
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- Thailand.- Nice.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28- Greenland.- Yeah.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30- Poland.- Poland.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31- Sunderland!- Sunderland, yes!
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- Yeah!- Birdland.- Birdland?
0:04:34 > 0:04:36It's a theme park.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38They have loads of birds and stuff. It does exist.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Fine then. Next one.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42- Deutschland.- Deutschland?- Yeah.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Like it - two points for using foreign language.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Winter wonderland.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Oh! Romesh!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Ha-ha!
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Music - an instrument that you can blow.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52- Didgeridoo.- Yes.- Flute.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- Yes.- Piano with a hole in it.- Oh!
0:04:55 > 0:04:56A tin can that you can sort of...
0:04:56 > 0:04:59That is the most northern answer I've ever seen.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01The clarinet. I played the clarinet.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03You play the clarinet?
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Can you do a little air clarinet now for us?
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Is that the face that you pull?
0:05:08 > 0:05:11I can verify - that is actually a perfect clarinet face.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- Balloon.- Yes.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Comb with a bit of paper on it.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17What noise does that make, Romesh?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Doo-doo-doo-doo.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24APPLAUSE
0:05:26 > 0:05:29It is that easy. Next one.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30- My grandma.- Your grandma?
0:05:30 > 0:05:34When you blow on my grandma she makes this sounds - ooh!
0:05:34 > 0:05:36If you line up like five grandmas, you can go
0:05:36 > 0:05:39ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Don't line up grandmas and blow on them.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Next subject is things you'd find in your lunchbox.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47A drinks bottle.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Apples.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50- A rotten sandwich.- Oh!
0:05:50 > 0:05:52I left it there overnight.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Is Jamie's parents in...?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55I think we need to have a talk.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- A note from your mum. - Saying what?
0:05:57 > 0:06:01I always get that and my mum's like, "Roma, I love you. Love mum."
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Or my dad sends me them.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06I used to get a note going, "I forgot to put sandwiches in this."
0:06:06 > 0:06:08"IOU a sandwich."
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- BELL RINGS - Oh, that's time up.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17OK. I've had a think about it
0:06:17 > 0:06:19and because I'm worried about his sandwiches,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I'm going to give the points there to Jamie's team -
0:06:22 > 0:06:23you can hand in your homework.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- Next up is the round where we... - KNOCK ON DOOR
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- Hello, who is it? - It's Eve from class 4B.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Oh, come in, Eve from class 4B.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Oh, hello, Eve.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43That's a nice hat, is it cold outside?
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- No.- You've been entertaining the pre-schoolers?
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Nope.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51- Why you wearing it then?- I've just come back from the careers fair,
0:06:51 > 0:06:52I'm going to be a tiger.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53Raar!
0:06:54 > 0:06:57- Here you go, Iain.- Thanks, Eve.- Bye.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Eve from class 4B, everyone.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Don't eat anyone on the way out.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06OK. Oh, it's time for a school announcement.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10It's an announcement regarding the foreign exchange students.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13We've managed to exchange them for a new climbing frame!
0:07:13 > 0:07:14Don't tell their parents.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23And now it is time for everyone's highlight of the show,
0:07:23 > 0:07:25it is time for Who Do You Think I Am?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27- Oh, no.- This is so rubbish.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31This is where I will truly dazzle you with my acting prowess
0:07:31 > 0:07:34and bring to life famous characters from the past.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38It's your easy, laughable job to guess which historical figure
0:07:38 > 0:07:40I have become.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Do we have to do this?
0:07:41 > 0:07:45Genuinely, some of the worst acting I've ever seen from you, mate.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47He's very keen for this.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50We've got my box of dramatic ingredients,
0:07:50 > 0:07:52let's make a history quiche.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56- I don't like quiche.- OK. Here we go.
0:08:02 > 0:08:07As well as my exciting acting, I've got some no-expense-spared props.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Is that real medical equipment?
0:08:09 > 0:08:13If anyone is in trouble, I am qualified to deal with your woes.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15You look like you're stuck in a wind storm.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19OK. Here is your first clue.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22I'll just get into character - this is very serious stuff,
0:08:22 > 0:08:25so if you could just give it the respect it deserves.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26- OK. - HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:08:29 > 0:08:34- NORTHERN IRISH ACCENT: - I am an English medical lady,
0:08:34 > 0:08:37who was named after an Italian city.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Are you sure you're English?
0:08:39 > 0:08:41I'm English, yes, this is my English accent.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44It's very aggressive.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45What do you mean aggressive?!
0:08:47 > 0:08:49I'm not going to intrude any further
0:08:49 > 0:08:51cos you're scaring me a little bit.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Time for clue number two.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54- That was a clue?- Yeah.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56- Eh?- It was a clue!
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I'm in the character!
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- IN NORTHERN IRISH ACCENT: - I was so brilliant
0:09:02 > 0:09:03at caring for people,
0:09:03 > 0:09:06I inspired lots of others to do what I did.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08- BEC:- You're my grandma!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Hold on. Wait, there's a test.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- Ooh!- Grandma!
0:09:14 > 0:09:18I'm not from Australia, you can tell from the accent. Hello!
0:09:18 > 0:09:20- Are you Doctor Who?- No!
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Lady!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24OK, time for clue number three.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28I had the same surname as a bird.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Ooh-ooh.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33I was known as the lady with the lamp.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Lamp-torch, lamp-torch, lamp-torch.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- We've got it.- Who am I? - Florence Nightingale.
0:09:39 > 0:09:40Is it Florence Nightingale?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42It's the correct answer!
0:09:45 > 0:09:50Yes, Florence Nightingale, mega-nurse of the Crimean War.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Congratulations, Jamie, now let's go over to Roma's team...
0:09:53 > 0:09:56ANNOUNCEMENT: School disco!
0:09:56 > 0:09:57School disco!
0:09:59 > 0:10:01MUSIC: We No Speak Americano by Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP
0:10:08 > 0:10:11So, Roma's team, this is your one now.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Do we really have to do this?
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- Romesh...- What you did to that team was one of the most pathetic things
0:10:16 > 0:10:17I've seen in my life.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18OK, here we go.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20HE MUMBLES IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE
0:10:20 > 0:10:22This looks like a documentary about...
0:10:22 > 0:10:25I am trying to get into character!
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Sorry, Dumbledore.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29I've got it, right.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32It is Father Christmas on his day off.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33OK, here we go.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38I am an English man
0:10:38 > 0:10:39of royal blood.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Brian Blessed.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42No!
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Royal blood - not in a cup, in me.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48Bit weird.
0:10:48 > 0:10:49Clue number two.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53I am a big fan
0:10:53 > 0:10:56of weddings and funerals.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57Hugh Grant.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03Now, to all the people under 15 that got that joke - well done!
0:11:04 > 0:11:05This is shameful.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08- MIMICS ROMA'S ACCENT: - Absolutely shameful.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10That's Florence Nightingale.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12OK, clue number three.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16I also wrote loads of songs.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19I also like chopping off the heads of my many wives.
0:11:19 > 0:11:24People think I like throwing chickens over my shoulder.
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Have a chicken.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Have a chicken.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Have a chicken.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31Have a chicken.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- So...- Colonel Sanders.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36NO!
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Are you Henry VIII?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40I am Henry VIII, correct!
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Yes, the infamous axe fan
0:11:44 > 0:11:47and 16th-century King of England.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- Well done, Roma's... - PHONE RINGS
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Oh, hang on a minute,
0:11:51 > 0:11:53I've just had a phone call.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Hello? Is that the BBC Drama Department?
0:11:56 > 0:11:59- Hello, Iain.- Oh, yeah, mate.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00You're rubbish.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05You are welcome.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08OK, so Roma and Jamie both got the correct answer,
0:12:08 > 0:12:10so you both get to hand in your homework.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17We are rattling through things,
0:12:17 > 0:12:19so let's check in with Smash for the scores.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Smashy, what have Roma's team got so far?
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Raargh, raargh, raargh.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27And what about Jamie's team?
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Raargh, raargh, raargh.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Jamie's team, not too shabby.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Roma's team, get your thinking caps on
0:12:34 > 0:12:36or you'll be in detention with Smash,
0:12:36 > 0:12:39and believe me, he has got questionable hygiene.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46He hasn't even taken his shoes off, they got eaten away by the smell.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Right, let's get on with the next round.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55So, this is the round where, more often than not,
0:12:55 > 0:12:57things go a little bit pear-shaped.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Yes, it's the off-the-wall art round.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04Today showing us what they can doodle are Bec and Sam,
0:13:04 > 0:13:07so please, Bec and Sam, join me at the art board.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08Let's go.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14So here's what we're going to do -
0:13:14 > 0:13:19I'll give each of you a list of animals to draw - kapow.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Every time someone in your team guesses the animal,
0:13:22 > 0:13:24we'll move on to the next one,
0:13:24 > 0:13:28but you have to add the picture to the picture you've already drawn
0:13:28 > 0:13:31to create an enormous mutant mega-beast.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34And the team that guesses the most correct animals
0:13:34 > 0:13:36gets to hand in their homework.
0:13:36 > 0:13:37- Are you guys ready?- Yes.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39OK, you have got until the bell rings,
0:13:39 > 0:13:42so start your mega-beasts now!
0:13:44 > 0:13:46First animal, here we go.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48ROMA: Sheep!
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Correct - one point, Roma's team, let's move on.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55- Dragon. Dinosaur.- What is that?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57- Crocodile.- Crocodile.- Yeah!
0:13:57 > 0:13:59One point to Jamie's team. Move on.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02- Hurry up!- Wolf! Wolf!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04- Elephant.- Elephant, yes.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07One point to Roma's team. Let's move on.
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Come on, Bec. Talk more.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12- Deer. Deer.- What is that?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Not quite a deer, think more Christmassy.
0:14:14 > 0:14:15- Reindeer.- Yes!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Point to Roma's team. Move onto the next animal.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- Raar!- ROMA: Tiger...
0:14:21 > 0:14:23- What's spotty?- Hurry up!
0:14:23 > 0:14:25- Leopard.- Leopard.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27One point to Roma's team. Let's move on.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29ROMA: Hedgehog.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Oh, what do you call it?
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Peacock.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37Another point to Roma's team. Let's move on.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39ROMA: Hurry up, draw it faster! JAMIE: A unicorn.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- Yes.- A what?- A unicorn.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Point to Jamie's team. Let's move on.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- ROMESH:- Goldfish. Snail.- What is it?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50- Kangaroo.- A kangaroo?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Yes, point to Roma's team. Let's move on.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Draw faster.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57JAMIE: A snake.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Yes. Point to Jamie's team.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02BELL RINGS
0:15:07 > 0:15:10OK, put your pens down, we'll have a look at Bec's.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Let's talk me through this masterpiece.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15This is an amalgamation of animals, this is its own animal.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17What's it called?
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Peeweehumperdink.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24- There's only five left in the wild. - I've drawn that too!
0:15:24 > 0:15:27And do you know, if you give £1 every day,
0:15:27 > 0:15:29you can save this animal.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Yeah, if you give Bec £1 a day,
0:15:32 > 0:15:36she will save the Peeweepumpernickle and she will not...
0:15:36 > 0:15:38- Peeweehumperdink.- Sorry.- Come on.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- It's as if you made it up. - Get the name right.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Give it up for Bec Hill's picture, everybody, it's wonderful.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46APPLAUSE
0:15:46 > 0:15:48- Sam Fletcher.- Can I just say,
0:15:48 > 0:15:50my mum and dad both went to art school.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53And you clearly didn't!
0:15:53 > 0:15:54Sorry, Mum and Dad.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57What are you going to call this species of mega-beast?
0:15:57 > 0:15:59The Latin name for it is...
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Of course, the Latin name.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03..Completeous Rubbishneous.
0:16:05 > 0:16:10Yeah, and the common name for it is Total Rubbish.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14Smash, can you think of a good name for Sam's species of animal?
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Raaargh!
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Oh, he's went with Clive.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22I like the fact that it's not got any eyes.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24It does, it has one eye.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25It looks like a spot.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Iain, if you looked like that, you do not want eyes.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29It's lovely, mate.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33And I can also reveal that at the end of that round
0:16:33 > 0:16:39the team that gave the most correct answers was Roma's team.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Roma, hand in your homework! Let's go!
0:16:48 > 0:16:50OK, it's time for What Happened Was,
0:16:50 > 0:16:54the round where our teams have to come up with an outrageous excuse
0:16:54 > 0:16:56for not handing in their homework.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58And to give them something to work with,
0:16:58 > 0:17:00I'm going to grab some words from the studio audience.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03All right, guys, let's see what you've got. Come on!
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Look how nervous everyone looks...
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Surprise mum attack!
0:17:11 > 0:17:12What's your word?
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- Apricot.- Apricot, ooh, very posh.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Is that your dad?
0:17:18 > 0:17:19- Can I sit on him?- Yeah.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Don't cuddle me. Aargh!
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- What's your name, my man?- Jack.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29- What's your word, Jack? - Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31He's gone left-field!
0:17:31 > 0:17:33He's gone for a big 'un.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Surprise dad attack.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Zombie.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Is that your dad?
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Keep an eye on him for me.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43OK, what about you, what's your name, young lady?
0:17:43 > 0:17:46- Nadine.- Nadine, I just hit you with the microphone.
0:17:46 > 0:17:47What's your word, Nadine?
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- Leprechaun.- Leprechaun, lovely.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52OK. Jamie, your words are...
0:17:59 > 0:18:01I can't even say it! OK.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03- What's your name, buddy?- James.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05- Where are you from, James? - Newcastle.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Oh, wow, you've travelled all the way here today?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10- No, yesterday.- Whoa!
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Do you regret that decision?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- Yes.- Yeah, I would.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Right, so what's your word?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18- Explosion.- Explosion.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20HE MIMICS A SMALL EXPLOSION
0:18:20 > 0:18:21Oh, look at you.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23What's your name?
0:18:23 > 0:18:25- Samantha.- And what's your word, Samantha?
0:18:25 > 0:18:27- Coinkydink.- Coinkydink?
0:18:27 > 0:18:30That's totes a coinkydink!
0:18:30 > 0:18:33I'm wearing that jumper as well, what a coinkydink.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36What's your name?
0:18:36 > 0:18:37- May.- May?
0:18:37 > 0:18:39What's your word, May?
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- Disobedient.- Disobedient?
0:18:42 > 0:18:43- Is she disobedient?- Yes.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44- No.- Look at that.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Her dad went, "Yes, she is."
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Kapow, what's your word?
0:18:48 > 0:18:50- Gobbledygook.- Gobbledygook.
0:18:50 > 0:18:51What's your word?
0:18:51 > 0:18:52- Frog.- What's your word?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54- Pigeon.- OK.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Roma, your words are...
0:19:01 > 0:19:02OK, we've got our words,
0:19:02 > 0:19:04let's talk some drivel.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Come on, let's go!
0:19:11 > 0:19:12Jamie, young man,
0:19:12 > 0:19:16you know the rules, mate, you do your homework,
0:19:16 > 0:19:18you hand it in, so just pass me the homework,
0:19:18 > 0:19:19I'll have a look at it now.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Eh, well, I haven't got it with me, Iain.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23You haven't...?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25What do you mean?
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Well, what happened was, I saw a leprechaun, and he asked me for...
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Where was this? Where did you see it?
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- Oh, at the park. - Oh, there's loads in the park.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37He was playing on the swings and he was like, "Hello."
0:19:37 > 0:19:39They do that.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41And he asked me if I was hungry,
0:19:41 > 0:19:46because he had lots of apricots that he'd bought off a mutant zombie.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Oh, one of them apricot-selling mutant zombies?
0:19:49 > 0:19:54So, I had some apricots and they were supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56That's how I would describe them.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59If you say it loud enough, it almost sounds precocious.
0:19:59 > 0:20:00Oh!
0:20:00 > 0:20:04But the leprechaun wanted something in return.
0:20:04 > 0:20:05Of course he did.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08He's not handing out free apricots, he's a businessman.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10I wasn't sure what to give him,
0:20:10 > 0:20:13but he just stole my homework immediately
0:20:13 > 0:20:17and he laughed at me in a strange, evil way, like...
0:20:17 > 0:20:19HE DOES A SILLY LAUGH
0:20:20 > 0:20:22There you go.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26It's fine though, Jamie, don't worry about it.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30It's not a day wasted, cos Roma is going to hand in her homework
0:20:30 > 0:20:32and we can... Come on, Roma.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- I don't have it.- What do you mean?
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Well, what happened was, I was walking to school...
0:20:38 > 0:20:40That's a good place to walk to.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42..and I heard an explosion,
0:20:42 > 0:20:45and this pigeon flew right over me,
0:20:45 > 0:20:47just as there was an explosion.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49I thought,
0:20:49 > 0:20:52"That's a coinkydink."
0:20:52 > 0:20:54It is, what a coinkydink.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57And the pigeon landed on my head.
0:20:57 > 0:20:58No way!
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Was it one of them head-landing pigeons?
0:21:00 > 0:21:01Yeah.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Oh, they're a nightmare at the minute, aren't they, Rom?
0:21:04 > 0:21:06You can't move for 'em, head-landers.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07Head-landers, I hate them.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Carry on.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11And it took my homework, and then...
0:21:11 > 0:21:14- Cos you keep your homework on your head, don't you?- Yeah.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15Of course you do.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- Good place to store it.- Best place.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21And then I went to run after it,
0:21:21 > 0:21:25but then I found out it was a certain type of breed of pigeon,
0:21:25 > 0:21:30and this is what the French call a "disobediont peegion".
0:21:30 > 0:21:31What's that in English.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33- Disobedient pigeon.- Oh, no.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35It wasn't a head-lander.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37It's a disobedient head-lander.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39- It's the worst combination. - The worst type.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43But I went to get the homework back and I met a policeman
0:21:43 > 0:21:47and he told me that this certain type of pigeon was wanted
0:21:47 > 0:21:49and illegal in certain countries
0:21:49 > 0:21:52and it was extremely dangerous to confront it.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55So, I made a judgment call -
0:21:55 > 0:21:58either be killed by a pigeon or go to school, so I went to school.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Right, guys, well, I like both of them -
0:22:01 > 0:22:04they're both good excuses, but whose was the best?
0:22:04 > 0:22:06There is only one way to find out - using the audience.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10So if you like Jamie's leprechaun, let's hear you scream now.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13SCREAMING
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Louder.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Or if you were a fan of
0:22:17 > 0:22:22Roma's disobedient pigeon, scream now.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24LOUD SCREAMING
0:22:28 > 0:22:29Wow!
0:22:29 > 0:22:31That was unbelievable.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35I'm going to have to call that...a draw.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Both teams, hand in their homework.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46OK, it's time to hotfoot it to the finish,
0:22:46 > 0:22:48it is time for All Kinds Of Wrong.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51I'll be throwing heaps of questions at each team.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54When you feel the scorch of the spotlight,
0:22:54 > 0:22:57I want you to give me the first incorrect answer
0:22:57 > 0:22:59that springs to mind.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03Every wrong answer means a piece of bonus homework in the bank.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Roma's team, you guys are up first,
0:23:05 > 0:23:07so, please, make your way to The Wrong Ray.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17OK, guys, when the light stops on you, you have to give me
0:23:17 > 0:23:20an incorrect answer, do you understand?
0:23:20 > 0:23:21- ALL: No. - Correct.
0:23:21 > 0:23:22Well done.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Here we go, your time starts in three, two, one...
0:23:25 > 0:23:27KLAXON
0:23:27 > 0:23:29There's no place like...?
0:23:29 > 0:23:31A large tortoise's backside.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35What do you use to cut the grass?
0:23:35 > 0:23:36Cheese.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40Nice to see you, to see you...?
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Really nice.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44No, nice, I'm not going to take that.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47ET, phone...?
0:23:47 > 0:23:48Monkfish.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou...?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53I'm at IKEA.
0:23:55 > 0:23:56Correct.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Brits are famous for eating fish and...?
0:23:59 > 0:24:00Dinosaurs.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03A, B, C, D, E, F...?
0:24:03 > 0:24:0412.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Is this a rhetorical question?
0:24:09 > 0:24:10Orange.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Correct. X marks the...?
0:24:14 > 0:24:16- BELL RINGS - Oh, time up.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22You lot were totally barking up the wrong tree there, well done.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23Now back to your seats!
0:24:30 > 0:24:35OK, same again for you guys. Your time start in three, two, one...
0:24:35 > 0:24:36KLAXON
0:24:36 > 0:24:39To be or not to be - that is the...?
0:24:39 > 0:24:40Answer.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43The Eiffel Tower is in the city of...?
0:24:43 > 0:24:45My back garden.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48The dictionary contains lots of different...?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50- Waffles.- Correct.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53If you're embarrassed, you eat humble...?
0:24:53 > 0:24:56I just eat pie anyway.
0:24:56 > 0:24:57What colour is an orange?
0:24:59 > 0:25:00- Seven.- Correct.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Every cloud has a silver...?
0:25:03 > 0:25:06- Dress.- Correct.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07What isn't your name?
0:25:09 > 0:25:10Macklin.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11Incorrect.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13That is not your name.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15What planet do we live on?
0:25:17 > 0:25:18I don't know sometimes.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Correct.
0:25:20 > 0:25:21BELL RINGS
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Well done there, so many incorrect answers,
0:25:30 > 0:25:31but I've got genuinely no idea
0:25:31 > 0:25:33if you were wrong enough to win the round,
0:25:33 > 0:25:37so head back to your seats and let's find out who scored top marks.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Teams, it's promotion to prefects for the winners,
0:25:44 > 0:25:46but it's detention for the losers.
0:25:46 > 0:25:50So have you smashed it enough to avoid...Mr Smash?
0:25:50 > 0:25:53HE GRUNTS
0:25:59 > 0:26:02He does do a lot of good work for charity.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Anyway, here we go - let's find out which team are swotty
0:26:05 > 0:26:07and which team are...
0:26:07 > 0:26:08AUDIENCE: Naughty!
0:26:10 > 0:26:11DRUM ROLL
0:26:16 > 0:26:18And the winner is...
0:26:18 > 0:26:21- Roma's team! - CHEERING
0:26:25 > 0:26:26Well done, Roma's team,
0:26:26 > 0:26:31but, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, I don't want to say this to you, mate...
0:26:31 > 0:26:34But, sadly, your team are going to have to take the walk of shame.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Off you go.
0:26:36 > 0:26:37# La, la, la, la-la-la, losers
0:26:37 > 0:26:39# La, la, la, la-la-la, losers
0:26:39 > 0:26:42# La, la, la, la-la-la, losers. #
0:26:42 > 0:26:44All right, guys,
0:26:44 > 0:26:45what has happened today
0:26:45 > 0:26:48is that Smash has lost his whistle in the shower this morning,
0:26:48 > 0:26:50so if you could just have a look through
0:26:50 > 0:26:52those bowls of plughole hair.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57In you get, Jamie, right in.
0:26:57 > 0:26:58While they're doing that,
0:26:58 > 0:27:01please, give it up for the three people in detention -
0:27:01 > 0:27:03it is Bec, Jamie and Jack, everyone.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:06 > 0:27:10Also, give it up for our star pupils today, Roma, Romesh and Sam.
0:27:10 > 0:27:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Thank you all for watching, and remember,
0:27:14 > 0:27:16we didn't learn much, but it was fun trying.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18See you all next time on...
0:27:18 > 0:27:21AUDIENCE: The Dog Ate My Homework.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Sees ya!