0:00:02 > 0:00:04CHEERING
0:00:08 > 0:00:09DOG PANTING
0:00:09 > 0:00:10SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:00:40 > 0:00:43CHEERING
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Hello, I'm Iain Stirling, and this is The Dog Ate My Homework,
0:00:51 > 0:00:54the panel show that puts the less into lesson,
0:00:54 > 0:00:56and joining me today, we have two teams
0:00:56 > 0:00:58who collectively have the intelligence
0:00:58 > 0:01:00of this egg.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) 'E = MC squared!'
0:01:02 > 0:01:05It's a Scotch egg!
0:01:06 > 0:01:08You're welcome. All right, let's meet the teams,
0:01:08 > 0:01:10and take the register. On my right is a girl
0:01:10 > 0:01:14who is top of her class. I mean, her chair is ten foot high.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16It's Leah, everyone!
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Here, sir!
0:01:17 > 0:01:18And on Leah's team,
0:01:18 > 0:01:21someone who was told he was most likely to succeed...
0:01:21 > 0:01:22at nothing.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- It's comedian Matthew Crosby!- Here, sir!
0:01:25 > 0:01:28That was needlessly harsh, needlessly harsh.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Also on Leah's team, someone who was
0:01:30 > 0:01:33only three when they started reading their first Noddy book.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36One day, he hopes to get to the end of it.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39It's star of Wolfblood, it's Bobby Lockwood!
0:01:39 > 0:01:40Hello, sir.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Give it up for Leah's team!
0:01:42 > 0:01:44APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:44 > 0:01:46And on my left, the boy who takes the cricketer's approach
0:01:46 > 0:01:48to every question he is always asked.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50He's stumped! It's Adryan!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Here, sir!
0:01:52 > 0:01:56And on Adryan's team, an actor who has played many great roles,
0:01:56 > 0:01:58as well as a loaf of bread and two baguettes,
0:01:58 > 0:02:01it's vlogger Grace Mandeville!
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Here, sir!
0:02:02 > 0:02:06And joining them is someone who rose to stardom in his school nativity.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10He was meant to be the wise man, but he got lost on the way to the venue.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13It's stand-up comedian Tom Craine!
0:02:13 > 0:02:14Here, sir.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Give it up for Adryan's team, everybody!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. This is a panel show all about school.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25You can't have school without teachers, you need teachers.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Adryan, you got any cool teachers?
0:02:27 > 0:02:28Uncool teachers?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Weird teachers? Old teachers?
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Green teachers? Do you know what a teacher is, Adryan?
0:02:33 > 0:02:36- Yes, I do!- Oh, that's good!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- Good start!- Do we get a point for that?- Go on, then.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41- Little gold star, on you go.- Yeah!
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Leah, what about you?
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Cool teachers where you're from?
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Yeah, well, loads of my school teachers are really,
0:02:47 > 0:02:49like, awesome and cool, so I don't really have
0:02:49 > 0:02:51any bad ones, but the...
0:02:51 > 0:02:52That's a lie for the television.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55She told me she hates all of you, if you're watching.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58You're saying that because you're still in school,
0:02:58 > 0:02:59you've got to go back there!
0:02:59 > 0:03:02No, but our dinner ladies are crazy.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03I asked for fish and chips,
0:03:03 > 0:03:05and they are so quick, this is what they done.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08"Do you want chips? Do you want fish? Capri Sun? OK, here you go."
0:03:08 > 0:03:10And then, because she was going so fast,
0:03:10 > 0:03:12she threw the fish on the ground.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13GROANS
0:03:13 > 0:03:14So I, she gave me a new one,
0:03:14 > 0:03:16so I just picked it up and went like this,
0:03:16 > 0:03:18"Would you like your fish back?"
0:03:18 > 0:03:19And she just took it.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Does the ten second rule apply to fish?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Of course it does.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25When I was at school, I used to put custard on my chips
0:03:25 > 0:03:27so people wouldn't take my chips.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- That is genuinely what I... And it worked.- That is genius!
0:03:29 > 0:03:32No, it's not! Cos you have to eat chips covered in custard!
0:03:32 > 0:03:34You don't want to eat chips covered in custard?
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- Custard's great, chips are great, what's not to love?- No!
0:03:37 > 0:03:39I tell you who knows all about teachers.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Matthew, do you want to reveal to everyone
0:03:41 > 0:03:43your horrible truth?
0:03:43 > 0:03:45It's not a horrible truth, I used to be a teacher!
0:03:45 > 0:03:47BOO!
0:03:47 > 0:03:48- AUDIENCE:- Boo!
0:03:48 > 0:03:52- Boo! Matthew!- What?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54What sort of teacher were you?
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Obviously, a cool teacher, because I'm a cool adult now, aren't I?
0:03:57 > 0:03:58LAUGHTER
0:03:58 > 0:04:00- Right, guys?- Look at that laughter!
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Anyone that finishes a sentence with, "Right, guys?"
0:04:03 > 0:04:04isn't that cool.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Right, listen, enough chat, let's get on with the show!
0:04:08 > 0:04:11APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Now, this show is all about reaching for the stars.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Not that you'd know that from looking at my guests today.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23But, they'll be battling it out for these gold stars.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26- AUDIENCE:- Wooo!
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Stars earned, not only by being the goodest at the games, but
0:04:29 > 0:04:32for doing everything from smiling gormlessly...
0:04:33 > 0:04:36..to making dead funny comments.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40I say, I say, why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Fo' drizzle!
0:04:42 > 0:04:44BADUM-TSH!
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Ugh!
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Can we get a gold star for listening to that?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51I'm going to give Leah a gold star for Tom's terrible joke,
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- there you go.- Shouldn't have to put up with that sort of thing.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57But be warned, if anyone gets my goat...
0:04:57 > 0:04:59HE BLEATS
0:04:59 > 0:05:02(I don't know if that's the noise a goat makes.)
0:05:02 > 0:05:03..then I'll take those stars away!
0:05:03 > 0:05:04- AUDIENCE:- Aww!
0:05:04 > 0:05:08Hey! Because it's Iain's school, so it's...
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- AUDIENCE:- Iain's rules!
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Yes! At the end of the show, the team with the most stars wins,
0:05:13 > 0:05:17while the losers get detention with Mr Smash, a man so dense,
0:05:17 > 0:05:19when we were playing a word game,
0:05:19 > 0:05:21I gave him a letter and he tried to post it.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22It's Mr Smash!
0:05:22 > 0:05:24APPLAUSE
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Rrr!
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Rrrr!
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Rrrr!
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Ha-ha-ha!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42APPLAUSE
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Rrrr!
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Rargh! Rargh!
0:05:51 > 0:05:54APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Yes, it's time for Stick To The Point.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02'Stick To The Point!'
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Ho-ho! The game where I ask quickfire questions,
0:06:05 > 0:06:08if you hesitate, repeat or just talk gibberish,
0:06:08 > 0:06:10I will put you in the shush position.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Can I please see everyone's shush positions, please?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Very good, thank you.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17The winner is the last team talking,
0:06:17 > 0:06:19but, first, I need my stick of pointyness.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22It's time to call in a man's best friend.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23HE WHISTLES
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Grr!
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Grr!
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Rrargh!
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Rargh!
0:06:33 > 0:06:35He's drooled all over it!
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Right, it's time for the first topic, are you all ready?
0:06:40 > 0:06:44OK, our first topic is Things You Shouldn't Touch.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- Bobby.- Boiling stuff.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Yes! Grace.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Hot things.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52- Bobby!- Spiky stuff!
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Yes! Adryan.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56- A toilet seat.- Bobby!
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Toilet...stuff!
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- Bobby!- Uh...dust!
0:07:02 > 0:07:04- Bobby!- Poison!
0:07:04 > 0:07:06- Bobby!- Mouldy food!
0:07:06 > 0:07:08- Bobby!- Under the refrigerator!
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- Bobby!- Uh, the bottom of shoes!
0:07:11 > 0:07:13- Bobby!- Uhhh...
0:07:13 > 0:07:16The shush position!
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- Come on!- I'm gonna give him a bonus star, though, bonus star for Bobby.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Thanks! Very impressive!
0:07:21 > 0:07:22Shush position!
0:07:24 > 0:07:26- Tom!- A jellyfish.- Yes.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27- Leah.- A PE kit.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Yes. Grace.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30- A stingray.- Stingray!
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I wouldn't touch them bad boys! Matthew!
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Stinging nettles.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36- Grace.- Really cold items.
0:07:36 > 0:07:37Yes. Matthew!
0:07:37 > 0:07:38- Dirt.- Yes. Adryan.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Drain pipes.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41- Drain pipes?- Yeah!
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- You can touch a drain pipe! - They're dirty!
0:07:44 > 0:07:46- Matthew!- Drains.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Much better, yeah. Tom.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50An angry raccoon.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53What about a normal raccoon?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55That, you can touch.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57We love it, we absolutely love it. Leah!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- Toenails.- Yes. Grace.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01The spiky bit on a hedgehog.
0:08:01 > 0:08:02- You know...- Or just a hedgehog.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04You could touch it's nose.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06- Don't touch a hedgehog's nose! - But you could!
0:08:06 > 0:08:08You could if you wanted to.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09OK. Leah.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10People.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12That's a good point, she's got a point!
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Don't touch people, everyone!
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Adryan!
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- Me...- Shush position!
0:08:18 > 0:08:19No!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21- Leah.- Eyebrows.- Eyebrows?!
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Yeah!
0:08:22 > 0:08:26- You can touch your eyebrows.- No, cos if they're really jaggy,
0:08:26 > 0:08:27they might, like, stab you.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Shush position.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34It's Crosby against Tom and Grace. Here we go. Grace!
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- Crocodile teeth.- Yes.- Yeah.
0:08:36 > 0:08:37- Matthew.- A hungry bear!
0:08:37 > 0:08:38- Tom.- A vampire.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Yes. Matthew.
0:08:40 > 0:08:41- Uh, uh...- Shush position!
0:08:41 > 0:08:43The points go to Adryan's team!
0:08:43 > 0:08:45APPLAUSE
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Our next topic is Farmyard Animals.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- Bobby!- Chicken!
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- Bobby!- Pig.
0:08:54 > 0:08:55- Bobby!- A cockerel.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57- I'm joking.- Grace!- Horse.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59- Leah.- A sheep.- Adryan.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Sheepdog.
0:09:00 > 0:09:01- Yes!- Matthew.
0:09:01 > 0:09:02Pony.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Just for the record, I thought we were
0:09:04 > 0:09:06still doing things you can't touch.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10"Why can't you touch a..." We're doing farmyard animals!
0:09:10 > 0:09:11- Grace.- Insects.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13- In a farmyard?- They crawl...
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- In Charlotte's Web! - Charlotte's Web, yes!
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- You're on my team and...- Charlotte's Web, that's pretty good.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21I'm going to give you a bonus star, Adryan.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23But, I'm gonna put you in the shush position. Bobby!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Cow.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26Say that again.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Cow.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33See? He went. "Cow..."
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- I'm thinking...- Like it's an attractive cow!
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- It's a nice cow. It's a moo... - Moo-moo-moo!
0:09:39 > 0:09:40Moo-moo-moo!
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Nice to meet moo!
0:09:44 > 0:09:45You're dairy nice!
0:09:45 > 0:09:46Oh!
0:09:48 > 0:09:50This is udderly brilliant.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53I'm going to give a gold star to Tom and a gold star to Matthew
0:09:53 > 0:09:55for their puns, as well.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56My good gag.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57- Leah.- Fox.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59- Yes! Adryan.- Baby cows.
0:09:59 > 0:10:00Baby cows?
0:10:00 > 0:10:01Yes!
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Ahh... Shush position, not giving you that.
0:10:03 > 0:10:09- They're called calves!- No. - These are calves.
0:10:09 > 0:10:14- I just wanted to get my socks in. Bobby?- Farmer.- Thomas?- A duck.- Yes.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18- Matthew?- A boar.- A bore?- Yeah, like a boring farmer.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20LAUGHTER
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- Tom?- Ah, I'm...duh.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23BUZZER
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Points got to Leah's team.
0:10:24 > 0:10:25CHEERING
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Final one.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30BELL SOUNDS
0:10:30 > 0:10:36Oh, no. And at the end of that round the gold star goes to Leah's team.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:42 > 0:10:48- Yes, now it is time for PE. It is time for Mime Craft.- Mime Craft.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51It's a bit like charades in the sense that it's a
0:10:51 > 0:10:55bit like charades, so, teams, you'll be acting out various
0:10:55 > 0:10:59familiar and not so familiar activities.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01And Adryan, your team's up first.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05So, who do you want to throw down some miming shapes?
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Stand up so we can see your lovely...your head in.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11There he is. Adryan. Who are you picking, mate? Who are you picking?
0:11:11 > 0:11:13I am picking...Tom.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16All right, Tom, please make your way to the mine spot.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:20 > 0:11:22We have got this.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Adryan, your time starts when you flip over your first card.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Tom, act out what you see. Three, two, one, here we go.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28AIR HORN
0:11:30 > 0:11:32- Tennis.- Yes.- Amazing.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- Golf.- Golf.- Yes.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- No, no, no, no.- Badminton?
0:11:42 > 0:11:46- No, no. You're throwing it wrong. - Frisbee.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49- Ballerina.- Ballerina!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52It's like that.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- Discus or something? - Yes!- Yes.
0:11:56 > 0:12:02- Running?- Rowing. Driving. - The wiggle?- Teacher dancing.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- What is it?- Rowing? Rowing, paddling?
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Driving? Surfing. Paddling.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- Canoeing?- Yes!
0:12:14 > 0:12:17- Oh, my goodness.- Tap dancing.- Yes.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20HE LAUGHS What ARE you doing?
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- Rolling.- James Bond.- James Bond!? - Secret agent?
0:12:24 > 0:12:25Undercover? Spies?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27- Undercover?- TV.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Um, um, dog?
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Dog. You can skip if you want.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36- Pass.- Skip it, skip it.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38- Oh, erm, pool.- Yes.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Erm, erm, volleyball? Table tennis? Volleyball?
0:12:44 > 0:12:48LAUGHTER
0:12:48 > 0:12:51- Fishing?- Fishing?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54We got it? Knew that!
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Well done. Give it up for Tom, everyone.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:00 > 0:13:03- How do you canoe?- Badly.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06You're just in the water for hours.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Why do you have such a small oar with you?
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Because I got there late, it was all they had left.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15OK, Leah, who can defeat the mighty Thomas? Who are you going for?
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Well, I think Bobby because he's got the shorts for it.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22Bobby, everyone, please make your way to the mime spot.
0:13:22 > 0:13:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:27 > 0:13:30OK, Bobby, your time starts when Leah turns over the first card.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Leah, take it away.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34AIR HORN
0:13:34 > 0:13:38- Basketball? The, the...- Similar.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41- Netball?- Yes.
0:13:43 > 0:13:44- Horse riding.- Yes.
0:13:44 > 0:13:50- Just when Iain was getting in, oh... - What's happening?- Ballroom dancing.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54- Yes. Go on, then.- Oh, that's really very moving.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56- Skateboarding.- Surfing, skateboarding.
0:13:56 > 0:14:01- Skateboarding? Surfing.- Windsurfing.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04- Snowboarding.- Yes.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- Golf?- Cricket?- Yes.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- Err, you've not played any sports, have you?- Egg and spoon?
0:14:10 > 0:14:14Pass, I don't know what it is.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16- Pool.- Snooker.- Yes.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Oh, here we go.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- Abseiling?- Yeah.- Well done. - Yeah, I wouldn't have got that.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- Catch.- A boomerang.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31- Very good.- Excellent.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Oh, that's a, no...
0:14:34 > 0:14:37You're doing the same thing, you're doing the same thing twice.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- Oh, a slalom, like a, bobsleigh. - Surfing?- I'll get it, I'll get it.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43- Skiing, skiing?- Yeah, but on the...? - On...
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Skiing off the back of a car?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47- Waterskiing!- Yes!
0:14:47 > 0:14:52- Ah, oh, oh...- Oh, what's it called? - Picking up the shopping?
0:14:52 > 0:14:57- Throwing the shopping away? - What time is it?- Shot put?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- The hammer throw?- Yes!
0:15:00 > 0:15:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Give it up for Bobby. Yeah, wow.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10OK, at the end of that round the team with the most right
0:15:10 > 0:15:14answers was Leah's team, you've got a gold star.
0:15:14 > 0:15:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:22 > 0:15:26Time now for Pie The Supply.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Pie The Supply.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31This week we are filling a gap in the Physics Department.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Our teams' jobs are to find a supply teacher.
0:15:33 > 0:15:38But out of the four you'll see, only one is the real deal.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41So, let's bring out the teachers.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47BOOS
0:15:47 > 0:15:51Boo, boo.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Evil, evil teachers that have done nothing wrong
0:15:54 > 0:15:57apart from try to improve children's lives.
0:15:57 > 0:16:03OK, so, captains, here are your teachers' CVs.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Teacher number one is Miss Dark
0:16:05 > 0:16:07and she's been a physics teacher for five years.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11In her spare time, she is part of a Roller Derby team.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Teacher number two is Mr Allen, he's been a physics teacher
0:16:14 > 0:16:18for 17 years and in his spare time, he keeps bees.
0:16:20 > 0:16:21Teacher number three is Miss Aitken.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24She's been a physics teacher for three years.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27In her spare time, she plays Taylor Swift songs on her guitar.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Teacher number four is Mr George.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34He's been a physics teacher for 27 years.
0:16:34 > 0:16:39He is proud to have taken part in the 2012 British physics Olympiads.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41AUDIENCE GASPS
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Teacher number five is Matthew Crosby, he used to be a teacher
0:16:44 > 0:16:48but now he's a comedian so isn't eligible in this part of the show.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54OK, so, Adryan's team, have a look at them,
0:16:54 > 0:16:56first impressions, who looks like a teacher?
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Who looks like an impostor? What are you thinking?
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- I'm thinking.- What do you reckon? - Number four.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04- And why do you think number four? - You think four already?
0:17:04 > 0:17:09- Because you're old.- Oh, no...he's not.- Oh, come on now, Adryan!
0:17:09 > 0:17:11You're in your golden years, in your golden years.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15He's been teaching for 27 years, right? 27 years?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Wrote that down so that would make sense.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Well, before your questions, let's go over to Leah's team.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Who's tickling your teacher senses?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- Matthew, you've got the teacher in you.- I have indeed.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Who could you see yourself conversing with in the staff room?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30I could definitely see myself hanging out with number four.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33I've got a good, I've got a good feeling about him.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36I feel he's the sort of person who would let me share his biscuits.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- But we'll wait and see. - Number four has got a bad feeling
0:17:39 > 0:17:43because currently he is the favourite to get pies in his face.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Err, Tom, let's get some questions,
0:17:45 > 0:17:47let's get some questions going.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49OK, a question for Mr Allen, so, you're a physics teacher,
0:17:49 > 0:17:52can I ask, have you got a girlfriend?
0:17:52 > 0:17:53I have got a girlfriend, yes.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55In that case, you're not a physics teacher.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57LAUGHTER
0:17:57 > 0:17:59No chance, no chance.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Any more questions?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- For number three...- Yes.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Can you sing a bit of Taylor Swift for us?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10- Oh, yes!- Shake It Off!
0:18:10 > 0:18:13# Shake it off! Shake it off Ah, ah... #
0:18:13 > 0:18:15WHOOPING
0:18:15 > 0:18:16That was amazing.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Leah's team, you got any questions for the guys?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23You can go general, or one, two, three or four.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25- I've got a question for number one. - OK.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Right, let's hear it.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30If you have an unstoppable force,
0:18:30 > 0:18:32and if that unstoppable force
0:18:32 > 0:18:35hits an unmoveable object, what will happen?
0:18:36 > 0:18:37LAUGHTER
0:18:40 > 0:18:44I think we know for definite Miss Dark is not a physics teacher.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46She is really struggling.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Any idea? Do you want to guess?
0:18:48 > 0:18:50I am really struggling!
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Stop looking at the actual physics teacher for the answer!
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- I've got a quick test for them. - All right - on you go, Tom.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58My physics teacher
0:18:58 > 0:19:01was kind of really aggressive and angry if you were naughty at school.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04So I want to sit on the desk, and then they've got to have a go at me,
0:19:04 > 0:19:05see if they can get me back in my seat.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09We'll go one through four - everyone tell Tom off for being naughty.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11- By the way, he has...- Number one...
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Don't bother with number one, cos number one is definitely not
0:19:15 > 0:19:17a physics teacher, so let's skip number one.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18We'll go straight to number two.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Back on your chair!
0:19:20 > 0:19:21Back on my chair! Aggressive.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- That wasn't scary. - Number three...?- Taylor Swift?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Excuse me, Tom - if I'm talking, you should be listening
0:19:26 > 0:19:28and sat on your chair.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30That's good! APPLAUSE
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Very good.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Number four?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Laddie -
0:19:36 > 0:19:38if you want to have a meeting with our parents this evening,
0:19:38 > 0:19:40get back in your chair now.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42OK! OK. It's good...
0:19:42 > 0:19:43Flashbacks.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46We've got one final question, and it's for three again.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47It's Leah's question.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Can you spell "physics"?
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Er, P-H-S... Oh...
0:19:52 > 0:19:53P-H-Y...
0:19:53 > 0:19:55- Oh...!- ..S-I-C...
0:19:55 > 0:19:58The answer would be "No", clearly!
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Right, OK - well, let's speak to the audience
0:20:00 > 0:20:03and see who they think is the supply teacher.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05On the count of three, shout out who you think the supply teacher is.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07One, two, three...?
0:20:07 > 0:20:09ALL SHOUT OUT
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Cheers, guys. Thank you, audience.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Adryan, you're up first so it's time for you to...
0:20:22 > 0:20:24'Pie The Supply!'
0:20:24 > 0:20:26ALL: Oh...!
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Who's he going to go for...?
0:20:36 > 0:20:37SPLAT! Oh!
0:20:49 > 0:20:50You nearly knocked her over!
0:20:50 > 0:20:51- TOM:- Sorry!
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Do you know how long I spent on this eyeliner this morning?
0:20:54 > 0:20:57I know! You looked absolutely gorgeous.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59- GRACE:- You still look great. - Oh, thanks.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Leah - please, come over to...
0:21:02 > 0:21:04'Pie The Supply!'
0:21:04 > 0:21:07- On you come, Leah... MATTHEW AND BOBBY:- You've got this.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11ALL: Oh...!
0:21:18 > 0:21:20SPLAT! Oh!
0:21:30 > 0:21:33I mean, I think it's quite clearly number four,
0:21:33 > 0:21:36I don't know what she's done to deserve it.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Would the real supply teacher
0:21:38 > 0:21:40please step forward...
0:21:42 > 0:21:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:46 > 0:21:48'School Disco!'
0:21:48 > 0:21:51School Disco!
0:21:51 > 0:21:53# Cos the players gonna play, play, play, play
0:21:53 > 0:21:56# And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
0:21:56 > 0:21:59# Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
0:21:59 > 0:22:02# Shake it off! Shake it off!
0:22:02 > 0:22:05# Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
0:22:05 > 0:22:08# And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
0:22:08 > 0:22:11# Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
0:22:11 > 0:22:13# Shake it off...!
0:22:17 > 0:22:21Well done, guys, you both got that right so you both get gold stars!
0:22:21 > 0:22:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:26 > 0:22:30History now, it is time for Pop-A-Lot...
0:22:30 > 0:22:31'Pop-A-Lot!'
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Yes. It is the round in which I ask one member of each team
0:22:35 > 0:22:38to wear one of these ye olde spiky helmets.
0:22:38 > 0:22:43Or to give them their full name - "health and safety nightmare."
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Thankfully, Mr Smash is on hand
0:22:46 > 0:22:48just in case we need any first aid.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50HE GRUNTS
0:22:52 > 0:22:53Aaagh...!
0:22:53 > 0:22:56THUD
0:22:56 > 0:22:59I have no idea how he fell over doing that. Anyway...
0:22:59 > 0:23:01this is how the game works.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Each captain nominates one member to put on said jousting helmet
0:23:04 > 0:23:09and compete to pop the most balloons before the bell rings. So Leah...
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Who will be popping till they drop-ing?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Matthew.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Matthew? All right, Matthew. OK...
0:23:18 > 0:23:21And Adryan...
0:23:21 > 0:23:23who's JOUST about ready for this?
0:23:23 > 0:23:26- Banter!- That was a CORKER.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Oh-ho-ho!
0:23:29 > 0:23:33It will be the one, the only - coming to cinemas near you!
0:23:33 > 0:23:35the honour will go to Grace.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Oh! Grace, you going to pop?
0:23:38 > 0:23:42All right, guys. Well, please come over, get your spiky helmet!#
0:23:42 > 0:23:43APPLAUSE
0:23:45 > 0:23:50Be careful, be careful, be careful. Guys, are you ready to go?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Right, off you go!
0:23:55 > 0:23:56FANFARE
0:24:01 > 0:24:03MUSIC: Unbelievable by EMF
0:24:15 > 0:24:18MUSIC STOPS
0:24:22 > 0:24:23FANFARE
0:24:24 > 0:24:26NEIGHING
0:24:31 > 0:24:32Now!
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Remembereth - each nobleth knight
0:24:35 > 0:24:37must runneth at those turreteths
0:24:37 > 0:24:39with one's bonceth,
0:24:39 > 0:24:41and bursteth the ballooneth.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43So without further adoeth...
0:24:43 > 0:24:48let the jousting...commenceth!
0:24:48 > 0:24:50CHEERING
0:24:50 > 0:24:52SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
0:24:54 > 0:24:55Burst those balloons!
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Grace, come on!
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Bit lower...
0:25:04 > 0:25:05Bit lower, Grace.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Matthew's going for it!
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Go on, man, yeah!
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Go on, Grace...
0:25:14 > 0:25:15Get lower, Grace!
0:25:17 > 0:25:18Look at his rhythm!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Oh...
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Matthew's lost his horse!
0:25:35 > 0:25:36BELL RINGS
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Time's up - stop! Stop!
0:25:41 > 0:25:43- Right, let's see...- That was hard.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46Let's see how many you've got left, Grace.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49You have got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine -
0:25:49 > 0:25:53and you popped about two or three after so you've got 12 left.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Matthew, you have got
0:25:55 > 0:25:57one, two, three, four,
0:25:57 > 0:25:59five, six, seven...
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Which means our winner and getting a gold star is Matthew!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:11 > 0:26:13That's the end of the show, guys.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16There was laughs, there was tears,
0:26:16 > 0:26:17and then... HE SNIFFS
0:26:17 > 0:26:19..somebody definitely just farted.
0:26:19 > 0:26:24But it's time to add up the scores and bring down the stars...
0:26:24 > 0:26:26AUDIENCE: Wooo!
0:26:32 > 0:26:34And the winners are...
0:26:34 > 0:26:35Leah's team!
0:26:35 > 0:26:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Well done, Leah's team.
0:26:42 > 0:26:43As for Adryan's steam
0:26:43 > 0:26:45it is detention with Mr Smash
0:26:45 > 0:26:47and time for the dog to eat your homework.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Time to take the walk of shame.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51- # La la-la, la-la-la - # Loser!
0:26:51 > 0:26:53- # La la-la, la-la-la - # Loser!
0:26:53 > 0:26:55- # La la-la, la-la-la - # Loser!
0:26:55 > 0:26:57- # La la-la, la-la-la - # Loser!
0:26:57 > 0:26:59- # La la-la, la-la-la - # Loser!
0:26:59 > 0:27:01# Losers. #
0:27:01 > 0:27:02That's all we've got time for -
0:27:02 > 0:27:05no, we didn't learn much but it sure was fun trying.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07See you next time on...
0:27:07 > 0:27:11- ALL:- The Dog Ate My Homework!
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Sees ya!