0:00:02 > 0:00:04CHEERING
0:00:09 > 0:00:10SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Get off of me, get off of me!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49GROWLING
0:00:49 > 0:00:51It's a jungle out there. Hello!
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Thank you. Thank you very much.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Hello, I'm Iain Stirling and this is The Dog Ate My Homework,
0:01:02 > 0:01:04where the forecast's for fun, frolics
0:01:04 > 0:01:07and a spattering of handsomeness.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09WHOOPING
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Yes, I'm talking about myself. Let's meet the teams.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16On my right, a girl who says that the best way to learn is to listen.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19She said some other stuff, but I wasn't, like, paying any attention.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21It's Ella!
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Here, miss!
0:01:22 > 0:01:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:24 > 0:01:27And joining Ella is a science boffin
0:01:27 > 0:01:29who loves nothing better than working with nitrates.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Well, they pay better than DAY RATES!
0:01:32 > 0:01:33It's a science joke.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Give it up for Absolute Genius star Fran Scott!
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Here, sir!
0:01:38 > 0:01:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:39 > 0:01:44Also on Ella's team, a man who did really well on BBC One show Tumble.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47In fact, at the time he was absolutely rolling in it.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48It's Bobby Lockwood!
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Here, sir!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE That is Ella's team.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56And on my left, a boy who sang the highest note he's ever sung
0:01:56 > 0:01:58when he sat on a pin.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00But at least he was on point. It's Connor!
0:02:00 > 0:02:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Joining Connor is someone who's becoming a national treasure.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10One review even said "That dog needs to be locked up, with the key."
0:02:10 > 0:02:12It's Dodge!
0:02:12 > 0:02:13Hi, Mum!
0:02:13 > 0:02:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:15 > 0:02:19And also on Connor's team, someone who's had plenty of nasty shocks
0:02:19 > 0:02:21on Naomi's Nightmares Of Nature.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22And she's in for a even bigger one
0:02:22 > 0:02:24when she sees her pay cheque from today.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26It's Naomi Wilkinson!
0:02:26 > 0:02:27Here, sir!
0:02:27 > 0:02:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:29 > 0:02:30Give it up for today's teams!
0:02:30 > 0:02:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:33 > 0:02:35OK!
0:02:35 > 0:02:38If you're new to the show, and you're finally sick of wondering
0:02:38 > 0:02:41what's actually going on, this is how we roll.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Each team competes for the most coveted object
0:02:44 > 0:02:45in the whole wide world -
0:02:45 > 0:02:48one of my golden stars.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50WHOOPING
0:02:51 > 0:02:55Thank you! I'll award these to anyone who's absolutely hilarious -
0:02:55 > 0:02:58or in Dodge's case, manages to use the litter tray.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59LAUGHTER
0:02:59 > 0:03:01PRRRP!
0:03:01 > 0:03:02- AUDIENCE:- Eurgh!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04We'll need a mop for that later on.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06But beware -
0:03:06 > 0:03:10give me any nonsense, and I can take those little stars away.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12Oh, no!
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Hey! Don't question me, cos as you know it's Iain's school - so it's...
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- ALL:- Iain's rules!
0:03:19 > 0:03:20# I've got a catchphrase... #
0:03:20 > 0:03:22At the end of the show, the team with the most stars
0:03:22 > 0:03:24can talk about how meeting me was
0:03:24 > 0:03:26the best thing that ever happened to them,
0:03:26 > 0:03:29while the losers - it's detention with a man
0:03:29 > 0:03:32who's as graceful as a rhino on roller skates.
0:03:32 > 0:03:33It's Mr Smash.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37MUSIC: Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy by Tchaikovsky
0:03:39 > 0:03:41GIGGLING
0:03:48 > 0:03:51APPLAUSE
0:04:00 > 0:04:02APPLAUSE
0:04:05 > 0:04:08OK, let's do this thing!
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Time now for Stick To The Point...
0:04:14 > 0:04:16'Stick To The Point!'
0:04:16 > 0:04:20..a game which requires skill, speed of thought...
0:04:20 > 0:04:22and a big stick. Behold,
0:04:22 > 0:04:25my stick of pointyness.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- Nice.- Ooh!
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Here's how the game works. I give the teams a topic,
0:04:31 > 0:04:33and when I point the stick at them they have to give me
0:04:33 > 0:04:36examples of that topic. If they fail to answer, or repeat an answer,
0:04:36 > 0:04:40I put them in the shush position - can I see your shush positions...?
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Lovely stuff.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45OK, the winner is the last team talking.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47First subject is, things that are cold. Bobby.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- Freezer.- Yes. Dodge.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52- Polar bears.- Yes, please. Bobby.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54- Ice cubes.- Yes, please. Connor.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55- Ice cream.- Yes, please. Ella.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- A frosty morning.- Oooh...!
0:04:57 > 0:04:59How very poetic.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03"I walked upon this frosty morning..." Naomi.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05A snowman.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07- Yes, please. Bobby.- Antarctica.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09- Dodge.- Cucumbers!
0:05:09 > 0:05:10LAUGHTER
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Cool as a cucumber, I'm going to give you that. Ella?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- Snow.- Connor.
0:05:15 > 0:05:16Frozen water.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18LAUGHTER
0:05:18 > 0:05:21We've had ice, I'm going to put you in the shush position, mate.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23- Fran...- Are you asking me? Erm...
0:05:23 > 0:05:26No, I'm just shouting your name and pointing a stick at you.
0:05:26 > 0:05:27An igloo.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29An igloo. Naomi?
0:05:29 > 0:05:30My fingers are right now.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Oh, lovely. Bobby.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34A shower before it gets hot.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36LAUGHTER
0:05:36 > 0:05:40That's true, you turn a shower on, it's cold. And then it gets...
0:05:40 > 0:05:41OK, OK. Dodge.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Er... Snow ladies.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45LAUGHTER
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Yes. Ella.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Fridge?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50I think we've had that.
0:05:50 > 0:05:51No, we had freezer!
0:05:51 > 0:05:54- Oh, OK, that's fine.- Yay.- Dodge.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55Ooh... Brr.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Shush position.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Oh, no, I was going, "Brrr!"
0:06:00 > 0:06:01That's what I was doing.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03"It's so cold..."
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Shush position, please, Dodge.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- Ohhh!- Bobby?
0:06:06 > 0:06:07Er... The bed.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Shush position! Naomi?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11- The North Pole.- Oh.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- Ella.- The South Pole.- Oh... Naomi?
0:06:14 > 0:06:17An actual cold. You know - achoo.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19That's more sort of viral than...
0:06:19 > 0:06:21It's very cold in your throat.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23- I'm not going to give you that. Shush position.- Awww.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Points go to Ella's team there!
0:06:25 > 0:06:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:28 > 0:06:31OK. Well played, team.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34The next topic is things you would eat for breakfast. Dodge.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36- Dog food.- Well done.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- Bobby.- Eggs.- Yes.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41- Connor.- Milk.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42You would eat milk for breakfast(?)
0:06:42 > 0:06:44I freeze it, in the freezer,
0:06:44 > 0:06:47and I take it out in the morning so it's like a milk ice lolly.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- That's the previous game! - LAUGHTER
0:06:50 > 0:06:52- Ella?- Cereal.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54- Naomi.- Porridge.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56- Fran.- Toast.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58- Dodge.- Sausages!
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- Ella.- Eggs Benedict.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Oooh!
0:07:05 > 0:07:09"I wandered upon this frosty morning whilst munching my eggs Benedict."
0:07:09 > 0:07:14- You can't munch it, you just eat it. - Mustn't munch an eggs Benedict(!)
0:07:14 > 0:07:16You must consume it daintily.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- Dodge.- Last night's tandoori.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Oh... Fran?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24- Er, bacon.- Yes. Naomi.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26- Baked beans.- Oh... Ella.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27Full English.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Full English!
0:07:30 > 0:07:31Dodge.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Scrambled eggs.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34- Fran.- Haggis?
0:07:34 > 0:07:37You can, and it's a very good choice.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Bonus gold star. Loving it.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40Naomi?
0:07:40 > 0:07:43A cinnamon and raisin bagel.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44- Lovely! Bobby?- A frake.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Frake?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49You get a big loaf of bread, cut it in half, open it up,
0:07:49 > 0:07:52and basically get a whole fry-up, put it in the loaf of bread.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Put the loaf back on so it's like a "fry-up cake". Frake.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58You're disgusting!
0:07:58 > 0:08:00And that's him saying that.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02His next answers might be "the bins",
0:08:02 > 0:08:05and he thinks that what YOU eat is disgusting.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06- Dodge?- The bins!
0:08:06 > 0:08:07LAUGHTER
0:08:09 > 0:08:11- Ella.- Muesli.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Yes. Connor.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14"Met peest." I mean...
0:08:14 > 0:08:15meat...
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- Meat paste?!- Yes. - Shush position, Connor.
0:08:18 > 0:08:19shush position.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- Fran.- Mushrooms?- Yes. Naomi.
0:08:22 > 0:08:23- Black pudding.- Yes. Bobby.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25- Marmite on toast.- Yes.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28- Dodge.- Unbranded flakes.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30LAUGHTER
0:08:30 > 0:08:34The BBC's favourite type of cereal. The unbranded flakes.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- Ella.- Jam!
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- Naomi.- Fruit.- Yes!
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- Fran.- Pancakes.- Yes.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43- Dodge.- An old bone.- Yes. Bobby.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- Waffles.- Yes.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46Naomi.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- Erm...- Shush position!
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Connor just told me to say "cucumber."
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Oh... Never say "cucumber" ever again. Shush position.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56That's a terrible answer.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Dodge, you're last man standing. Here we go.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Bobby...
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Argh...!
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- You can't have "argh" for breakfast. - You could...
0:09:03 > 0:09:05It's more a lunchtime dish.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Shush position. Dodge...
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Eggy bread!
0:09:08 > 0:09:09Yes!
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Ella.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Tomato sauce.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14You can have it on a fry-up, I suppose...
0:09:14 > 0:09:17That is not a meal. We need to tell someone about this.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19- ELLA:- It is!
0:09:19 > 0:09:20You can eat it for your breakfast.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22No! You can't eat tomato sauce.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24I'm stalling, because I haven't got anything else to say.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26LAUGHTER Shush position!
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Points go to Ella's team again!
0:09:29 > 0:09:30APPLAUSE
0:09:30 > 0:09:32SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:09:32 > 0:09:36Time up - at the end of the round the gold star goes to...Ella's team!
0:09:36 > 0:09:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:43 > 0:09:46It is now time for The Last Word.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48'The Last Word!'
0:09:48 > 0:09:51In this game the teams have to answer the previous question
0:09:51 > 0:09:55to the one that I'm asking, and to make it interesting
0:09:55 > 0:09:59I'll be calling out the names of the person I want to answer at random.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02The team with the most "right wrong" answers are the winners.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Does anyone understand this?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07No. Good. Let's get on with the game!
0:10:07 > 0:10:10OK. On today's show, what panellist
0:10:10 > 0:10:13is small, hairy and presents on CBBC?
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Bobby.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Correct! Well done.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21What animal is black, white and known to be really smelly? Connor.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23- Dodge.- Correct.- Oi!
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Who left One Direction? Fran.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27- Skunk.- Correct.
0:10:27 > 0:10:32Granny Smiths, Golden Delicious and Pink Ladies are all types of...?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- Connor.- Zayn.- Correct.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38What do you kick around when you're playing football? Dodge.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39Apples!
0:10:39 > 0:10:41- Correct.- Yes.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Finish the saying - "as cool as a...?" Ella.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45- Football?- Correct.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47What do you wear on your head?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- Bobby.- Cucumber.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50Yeah, it would go with your shirt.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52LAUGHTER
0:10:52 > 0:10:54What might a magician pull from his hat?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- Dodge.- Cucumbers.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59BUZZER No...
0:10:59 > 0:11:01- Eh?- No.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03You're two behind now.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05What do you wash your hair with? Connor.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08- Hat. - BUZZER
0:11:08 > 0:11:09No! We've gone one behind now.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13What's yellow, sometimes lumpy and goes with apple crumble?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- Fran.- Shampoo?- Correct!
0:11:15 > 0:11:18If you're at the beach, you might swim in the...? Naomi?
0:11:18 > 0:11:19Custard?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Yes!
0:11:21 > 0:11:24You might sit on this at a picnic. Ella.
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Water...?
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Something...
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- I'll give you it, it's the sea. I'll give you that.- Yay!
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Monkeys love to eat what, Connor?
0:11:33 > 0:11:34Bananas.
0:11:34 > 0:11:35BUZZER
0:11:35 > 0:11:37LAUGHTER
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Yay!
0:11:39 > 0:11:42The next question's going to be very easy to answer.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44This rubs out pencil. Ella.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- Bananas.- Correct!
0:11:46 > 0:11:49What white liquid do people put in their coffee. Dodge.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Cucumbers.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52LAUGHTER
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- You're doing this on purpose! - I don't understand!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Don't talk, it's going out of my brain...
0:12:02 > 0:12:05People put salt and what on their fish and chips? Bobby.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07- Milk...?- Yes!
0:12:09 > 0:12:12What do you rub into your skin to protect it from the sun? Naomi.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13- Vinegar!- Yes.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Complete the superhero duo, Batman and...? Fran.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- Suntan lotion.- Yes.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23Batman and Suntan Lotion, that's why Batman only comes out at night-time.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26How many players are in your team? Connor.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28- Robin.- Correct.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30How many eyes do I have? Ella.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31- Three.- Correct.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Finish the quote "To be or not..." Dodge?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Eye.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38LAUGHTER
0:12:38 > 0:12:40I mean two!
0:12:40 > 0:12:42- Why did you say "eye"?!- Two eyes...
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Oh, man!
0:12:45 > 0:12:47LAUGHTER
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- Do you understand this at all? - The answer's eyes.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52- No, it's TWO!- Two. Aaagh!
0:12:52 > 0:12:54It's not "How many eyes do I have?" "Eyes"...
0:12:57 > 0:12:59LAUGHTER
0:12:59 > 0:13:02The animal that brings you eggs Easter is known as the Easter...?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Bobby.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05I don't know...
0:13:05 > 0:13:07LAUGHTER
0:13:07 > 0:13:09It's Shakespeare, you're an actor!
0:13:09 > 0:13:11"To be or not to be."
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- That's not the answer!- Well, what were you talking about...?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15CUCUMBER!
0:13:15 > 0:13:17LAUGHTER
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Cinderella lost her glass...? Naomi.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Er...!
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Bunny! The answer's bunny!
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Oh, yeah.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27That's not how the story goes.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31What do you hit a ball with in a game of tennis? Fran.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33A glass slipper!
0:13:33 > 0:13:34Yes!
0:13:34 > 0:13:35APPLAUSE
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Yes!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44What piece of cutlery do you use to eat soup? Connor.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46(I don't know what the last question was...)
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- Do you three know what this game is?!- Give us a second!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51I'm giving you ages...
0:13:51 > 0:13:52Don't ask HIM!
0:13:52 > 0:13:54He'll tell you "cucumber."
0:13:54 > 0:13:56LAUGHTER
0:13:56 > 0:13:57Cucumber.
0:13:57 > 0:13:58It's not cucumber!
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- Can't remember the question. - Jack and Jill went up a...?
0:14:01 > 0:14:02Racket?
0:14:02 > 0:14:04No!
0:14:04 > 0:14:07LAUGHTER
0:14:07 > 0:14:08- Right. Dodge... NAOMI:- Ready?
0:14:08 > 0:14:10- Oh, no, no, no...- No, wait...
0:14:10 > 0:14:13I'm going to ask you a question.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15The answer is "the hill." OK?
0:14:15 > 0:14:17- OK, OK.- Say it out loud just once now...
0:14:17 > 0:14:19- The hill.- Right, here we go.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- Come on, Dodge... - I need this to go well.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25What do you eat on your birthday?
0:14:26 > 0:14:28LAUGHTER
0:14:28 > 0:14:29Go on!
0:14:29 > 0:14:31T-The Hill...?
0:14:31 > 0:14:32YES!
0:14:32 > 0:14:33APPLAUSE
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Ella. Ella, Ella, Ella. What is the capital of England?
0:14:41 > 0:14:42Birthday cake.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43Yes!
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Where are koalas from? Naomi.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48- London.- Correct.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50When trying to sleep, you often count..? Bobby?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53I don't actually know where koalas are from!
0:14:53 > 0:14:55What do you mean?!
0:14:55 > 0:14:57- Bear country...? What is that? - Bear country?!
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- (Australia.)- Australia.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01A child told you the answer!
0:15:01 > 0:15:02Of course...
0:15:02 > 0:15:05- Oh, that is bad, innit?- Really bad.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08What pet has cheek pouches
0:15:08 > 0:15:10and a running wheel? Naomi.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12I've no idea what the question before was.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Neither do I and I've got the answers!
0:15:14 > 0:15:16SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Oh! That's all we've got time for!
0:15:19 > 0:15:22At the end of that round, the team with the gold star is Ella's team!
0:15:22 > 0:15:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Time now for Pie The Supply!
0:15:32 > 0:15:34'Pie The Supply!'
0:15:34 > 0:15:36We're looking for a new supply teacher,
0:15:36 > 0:15:39I'm going to bring on four possible candidates.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41One of them is the real deal,
0:15:41 > 0:15:43while the other three don't have anything better to do
0:15:43 > 0:15:46than stand around on a telly show pretending to be a teacher,
0:15:46 > 0:15:48so that's not weird at all.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Our teams can ask any questions they want -
0:15:50 > 0:15:52they then need to identify,
0:15:52 > 0:15:55and pie, the real supply teacher.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59So let's bring out the teachers!
0:15:59 > 0:16:01BOOING
0:16:09 > 0:16:11'School disco!'
0:16:11 > 0:16:13School disco!
0:16:13 > 0:16:16# "Don't you dare look back Just keep your eyes on me"
0:16:16 > 0:16:18# I said, "You're holding back"
0:16:18 > 0:16:21# She said, "Shut up and dance with me!"
0:16:21 > 0:16:24# This woman is my destiny
0:16:24 > 0:16:26# She said, "Ooh-ooh-hoo
0:16:26 > 0:16:30# "Shut up and dance with me!" #
0:16:30 > 0:16:32NEEDLE SCRATCHES, RECORD STOPS
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Boo the teachers - boo them loud and boo them proud.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37BOOING
0:16:37 > 0:16:42Let's have a little read of our teachers' CVs.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Teacher number one is Mrs Roden.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Mrs Roden has been a teacher for five years.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49She once went to the bathroom during a lesson,
0:16:49 > 0:16:51and came back with her dress tucked into her leggings.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54In her spare time, she goes horse riding.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Number two is Miss Kareem.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58She's been a Modern Studies teacher for seven years.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00She once baked a cake,
0:17:00 > 0:17:04and gave the PE teacher Mr Jenkins food poisoning.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05Number three is Miss Mainie.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07She's been a Modern Studies teacher for four years.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11She plays air guitar, and is allergic to mushrooms.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Number four is Mr Shan.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15He's been teaching for three years.
0:17:15 > 0:17:16He loves politics,
0:17:16 > 0:17:20and regularly watches Question Time with his kitten, Molly.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22LAUGHTER They have a great time together.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23OK. So, those are your teachers.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27- Dodge, who do you think? Who looks like a teacher?- Number four.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30- Why?- Because he looks like he'd put me in detention.
0:17:30 > 0:17:31LAUGHTER
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Got a right attitude about you just now.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35- PRRRP! - I'm not staying after school.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37LAUGHTER
0:17:37 > 0:17:39All right. Ella?
0:17:39 > 0:17:40- Number three.- Why number three?
0:17:40 > 0:17:43She just looks like a teacher
0:17:43 > 0:17:46that would...teach someone in a class.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48LAUGHTER
0:17:48 > 0:17:51That is, I mean, the dictionary definition of what a teacher is.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53She looks like she's going to be the sort of teacher
0:17:53 > 0:17:56that's going to be covered in one of these in a minute!
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Fran? Any thoughts?
0:18:00 > 0:18:03I was thinking either one or two, because three and four were doing
0:18:03 > 0:18:05a lot of smirking when you were reading out their CV.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07And I thought, teachers don't smirk.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Never. They don't have fun, do they?
0:18:09 > 0:18:12They just stand there, dead behind the eyes.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Three's smirk was the best, I think, there was
0:18:17 > 0:18:19- a lot of smirking...ness coming from her.- Cool.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23You can ask some questions, so I'll go over to Connor's team now.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24What are you thinking, Connor?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Number three, could you maybe give Iain a row?
0:18:27 > 0:18:28Yeah - number three, give me a row.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Here! You! Zip it.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32LAUGHTER
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Only in Scotland. "Here - you!"
0:18:36 > 0:18:38LAUGHTER
0:18:39 > 0:18:41To the children. "Oi, you lot! Come 'ere, now!"
0:18:41 > 0:18:43LAUGHTER
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Tell you what, Dodge, what I'm going to do -
0:18:45 > 0:18:47- I'll get you to do a little wee on the desk...- Yeah.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50..and I want one, two, three and four individually
0:18:50 > 0:18:52to stop Dodge for doing er...
0:18:52 > 0:18:55stop him going lav-lav on the desk.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57So er...number one... TINKLING
0:18:57 > 0:18:59..please tell off your student.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Hurry up, number one.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02That's enough!
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Stop it!
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Number two...?
0:19:06 > 0:19:07Hey, you! Stop it!
0:19:07 > 0:19:09He's still going. Number three?
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Bathroom's that way - go, go, go!
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Oh, he's still going. Number four!
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Bad boy!
0:19:14 > 0:19:16LAUGHTER
0:19:16 > 0:19:19There you go... APPLAUSE
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Right. So, any more questions?
0:19:21 > 0:19:23We go over to Ella's team for a bit.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26- Bobcat, have you got any questions for the guys?- Number one...- Yeah...
0:19:26 > 0:19:28You went to the bathroom during a lesson.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Did you tell the kids you were going to the toilet?
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Uh-huh.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34- You did?- I did, yeah.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38Did you walk back in going, "I wouldn't go in there for a bit"?
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Did you have your dress caught in your...
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- Right in my leggings, right in the back.- Oh, no!
0:19:44 > 0:19:47- How long did you go, until you realised?- Oh, the whole class.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51- Laughing behind your back. - They weren't going to tell me.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Number one just thought she was being hilarious that day.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56LAUGHTER
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- Did you say number three does air guitar?- She does air guitar, yeah.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Bit of air guitar - one, two, three - here we go...
0:20:02 > 0:20:03# Doww, naoww-naoww...! #
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Pretty... Yeah. Wow.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09APPLAUSE
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Tell you what, we've all had a question -
0:20:11 > 0:20:12it's time to ask the audience,
0:20:12 > 0:20:15who do you think it is? One, two, three or four?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Answer now!
0:20:17 > 0:20:19THEY ALL SHOUT OUT NUMBERS
0:20:24 > 0:20:27OK. I think the audience might think it's number three.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29So, it's decision time -
0:20:29 > 0:20:32who is going to get pied?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Ella...
0:20:34 > 0:20:37you're up first, it's time for you to...
0:20:37 > 0:20:38'Pie The Supply!'
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Up you go, Ella, here we go.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Is the supply teacher going to get pied?!
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- BOBBY:- Be careful, don't...
0:20:47 > 0:20:50- DODGE:- Oh, it's tasty!- Here we go... CONNOR:- Don't eat it!
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Oh...
0:20:58 > 0:21:00SPLAT! Oh!
0:21:00 > 0:21:01Just rubbed it in!
0:21:01 > 0:21:03She rubbed it in.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Stop it...
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Stop it, Ella!
0:21:11 > 0:21:15You look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!
0:21:15 > 0:21:17OK, Connor, it's now time for you to...
0:21:17 > 0:21:18'Pie The Supply!'
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- Up you go. DODGE:- Good luck!
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Who's he going to pick? Here we go!
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Oh...
0:21:29 > 0:21:31SPLAT! Oh!
0:21:36 > 0:21:38No...!
0:21:38 > 0:21:39Connor...
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Connor, get over here. Connor!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Connor!
0:21:45 > 0:21:47LAUGHTER
0:21:50 > 0:21:53I am so sorry.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Would...? If it's not number three this is really bad.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58LAUGHTER
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Would the real supply teacher please step forward!
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Yes! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:09 > 0:22:13Well, you are both right so you both get a gold star!
0:22:13 > 0:22:14WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:21 > 0:22:22History now -
0:22:22 > 0:22:25I know what you're thinking, "Great show so far, Iain,
0:22:25 > 0:22:29"but what we'd really like to see is a celebrity riding a fake horse
0:22:29 > 0:22:31"while trying to pop balloons with their 'ead."
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Well, you're just in time for the best thing ever.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36This is Pop-A-Lot...
0:22:36 > 0:22:37'Pop-A-Lot!'
0:22:37 > 0:22:40..the game in which one member from each team puts on these rather
0:22:40 > 0:22:44attractive balloon popping helmets
0:22:44 > 0:22:47that are conveniently located under my desk there,
0:22:47 > 0:22:51and attempts to pop the most balloons before the bell rings.
0:22:51 > 0:22:52So Ella...
0:22:52 > 0:22:55who do you think can pop till they drop?
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Bobby can pop.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01Yes. You're going to use all your acting skills, Bobby.
0:23:01 > 0:23:02And...my shorts.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Yeah - put your legs away, it's weird. OK...
0:23:05 > 0:23:06Connor, given that the budget
0:23:06 > 0:23:09means we couldn't afford a small helmet for Dodge,
0:23:09 > 0:23:11who do you want to do the popping?
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Even though he is quite lucky,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- I have to go with Naomi. - No, but Connor, Connor, Connor...
0:23:16 > 0:23:19sometimes my mum calls me Plop-A-Lot.
0:23:19 > 0:23:20LAUGHTER
0:23:20 > 0:23:23- It's POP-A-Lot, Dodge.- Well...- What?
0:23:23 > 0:23:27- Do you want to dress up as a... - As you were, carry on, as you were.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31OK, so it's Naomi and Bobby, guys. Let's play...Pop-A-Lot!
0:23:31 > 0:23:33APPLAUSE AND WHOOPING
0:23:36 > 0:23:39FANFARE
0:23:40 > 0:23:42CLIP-CLOPPING, NEIGHING
0:23:46 > 0:23:48OK!
0:23:48 > 0:23:50My lordeths and ladies,
0:23:50 > 0:23:54I giveth you the knights of the kitchen table.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56As is customary,
0:23:56 > 0:23:58you shall go when I count down
0:23:58 > 0:23:59from three.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00Three-eth...
0:24:00 > 0:24:01two-eth...
0:24:01 > 0:24:02one-eth!
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Get plopping!
0:24:04 > 0:24:05AUDIENCE SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Get your head in!
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Naomi's having a disaster...
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Come on, Naomi!
0:24:36 > 0:24:37Come on...!
0:24:50 > 0:24:51Come on!
0:24:51 > 0:24:54SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:24:54 > 0:24:55OK, stop!
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Stop, stop, stop!
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Stop!
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Naomi!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Naomi... Stop!
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Bobby Lockwood, I think you've found your calling in life.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09LAUGHTER
0:25:09 > 0:25:10Do you know how hard that is?
0:25:10 > 0:25:13But you've made it look really easy.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20We gave you about an extra two minutes to catch up with him...
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Well - let's see who's won.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24LAUGHTER Erm...
0:25:24 > 0:25:26We'll count how many Bobby's got left...
0:25:26 > 0:25:29That's that done. Erm...!
0:25:29 > 0:25:31And now Naomi -
0:25:31 > 0:25:33you've got one, two, three, four, five...
0:25:33 > 0:25:35I'm afraid the gold star goes to...
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Ella's team!
0:25:37 > 0:25:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:43 > 0:25:48Sadly that is all we have got time for.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50- AUDIENCE:- Awww!
0:25:50 > 0:25:54I know, I'm great. And, while everyone's a winner on this show,
0:25:54 > 0:25:56there is a team who are ACTUALLY the winners,
0:25:56 > 0:25:58and a team that are a big bunch of losers.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02But obviously, it's the taking part that counts.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04I've legally got to say that.
0:26:04 > 0:26:08So... Let's bring down the stars!
0:26:08 > 0:26:11- AUDIENCE:- Wooo...!
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Today's winners are...
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Ella's team!
0:26:18 > 0:26:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:24 > 0:26:25And for Connor's team,
0:26:25 > 0:26:27the dog gets to eat your homework
0:26:27 > 0:26:31and a fate worse than death - well, not worse than death but it's bad -
0:26:31 > 0:26:33detention with Mr Smash.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37It's time for you guys to take the walk of shame...
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- # La la-la, la-la-la - # Losers!
0:26:39 > 0:26:41- # La la-la, la-la-la - # Losers!
0:26:41 > 0:26:42- # La la-la, la-la-la - # Losers!
0:26:42 > 0:26:44- # La la-la, la-la-la - # Losers!
0:26:44 > 0:26:46- # La la-la, la-la-la - # Losers!
0:26:46 > 0:26:49# Losers. #
0:26:49 > 0:26:51And now it really is home time -
0:26:51 > 0:26:56as ever it's fair to say we didn't learn much...but it was fun trying.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58See you all next time on...
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- ALL:- The Dog Ate My Homework!
0:27:01 > 0:27:04# See-ee-ee-ees ya! #