0:00:02 > 0:00:05THEY CHEER
0:00:10 > 0:00:14THEY BABBLE
0:00:42 > 0:00:45CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Hello, I'm Iain Stirling,
0:00:52 > 0:00:54and this is The Dog Ate My Homework,
0:00:54 > 0:00:5628 minutes-ish of fun,
0:00:56 > 0:00:58starting from... WATCH BEEPS
0:00:58 > 0:01:00..now.
0:01:00 > 0:01:01So, let's meet the teams.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04On my right is a boy that never uses a doorbell,
0:01:04 > 0:01:07probably because he comes from the school of hard knocks.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09It's Baz, everyone.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- Here, sir!- Yes. CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:01:12 > 0:01:13And on Baz's team,
0:01:13 > 0:01:16a woman who has always wanted to see her name in lights.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19That'll never happen till she starts playing those electricity bills.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21It's comedian Susan Calman.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24- Here, sir. - CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:01:24 > 0:01:28And, on Baz's team, a man who aims to become a comedy giant
0:01:28 > 0:01:30by performing on tiny little stages.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- It's Steve Bugeja.- Here, sir.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Give it up for their team! CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:01:36 > 0:01:40And on my left, a girl who's a big fan of higher education.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42She always studies whilst on a plane.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45- It's Bonnie, everyone.- Here, sir! - CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:01:45 > 0:01:49And joining Bonnie, someone who admits that he's useless at games.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52He once played chess and came third.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55It's Officially Amazing's Ben Shire.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57- Present! - CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Also on Bonnie's team, someone who says you've got to chase your dreams,
0:02:01 > 0:02:03but he's too busy chasing his own tail.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05It's Hacker T Dog, everyone!
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- Yes, miss. - CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- Thank you, thank you. Thank you. - So, that's the teams.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14So, this is what happens. I look to the skies,
0:02:14 > 0:02:16and using nothing more than the power of my mind,
0:02:16 > 0:02:20summon up a gold, glittering star.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Oi, oi, Simon in Graphics, I said...
0:02:24 > 0:02:27There we...there we go. A gold star.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:02:29 > 0:02:33Anyway, only the smartest, wittiest and wisest will get these.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36But beware - any nonsense and I can take them away,
0:02:36 > 0:02:39again, using the power of my mind.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42HE GROANS
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- You've got really low-rent sound effects...- I know.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48I also made the power of my mind
0:02:48 > 0:02:51sound a bit like I was doing a poo as well, which wasn't ideal.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54"But how can one man have so much power?" I hear you ask.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Well, it's Iain's school, so it's...?
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- AUDIENCE:- ..Iain's rules!
0:02:59 > 0:03:02# I've got a catchphrase. #
0:03:02 > 0:03:04The team with the most stars at the end of the show
0:03:04 > 0:03:06will be crowned champions of everything,
0:03:06 > 0:03:08while the losers will have to endure detention
0:03:08 > 0:03:12with a man so angry the fire alarm calms him down.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14It's Mr Smash.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16- HE GRUNTS AUDIENCE:- Boo.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19All right, Smash? Have you been redecorating the office?
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Aye! Ha-ha-ha!
0:03:21 > 0:03:24It's nice, man. There's something not quite right about it.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- Huh?- Yeah. HE GRUNTS
0:03:28 > 0:03:32No, no, it's not that. Not that. No, no. No.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37No. No, it's not a photo of your girlfriend.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39No, no. LAUGHTER
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Er... Erm... Er...
0:03:42 > 0:03:46- Oh!- Ah, that's much better.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48There we go. Lovely stuff.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50- Argh! - GLASS SMASHES
0:03:50 > 0:03:51He fell down again.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Guys, let's start the show. Come on!
0:03:55 > 0:03:57CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:03:59 > 0:04:02This is Stick To The Point.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- ANNOUNCER:- Stick To The Point.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06I throw out some quick-fire questions,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08and the teams have to answer as fast as they can.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12But if they're too slow, repeat an answer or just start blabbering,
0:04:12 > 0:04:14then you have to sit in the shush position.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Can I see everyone's shush positions, please?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Shush position. Double shush - very nice, Bonnie.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24OK. There is a shiny gold star waiting for the last team speaking,
0:04:24 > 0:04:28and of course, for this, I need my stick of pointiness,
0:04:28 > 0:04:33which I will now usher down with the ancient pointy stick dance.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36TRIBAL DRUM MUSIC PLAYS
0:04:36 > 0:04:40THEY CLAP ALONG
0:04:40 > 0:04:43HE GROANS
0:04:43 > 0:04:47LAUGHTER Argh...argh.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49- Are you OK?- That was the...
0:04:49 > 0:04:52that was the wrong dance. LAUGHTER
0:04:52 > 0:04:55I'll tell you what - they're heavier than they look.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Phew!
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Stick was here the whole time - that's the worst thing about it.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01OK, your time starts when I ask the first question.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05Remember, no hesitating, no repeating and no blabbering on.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Here we go. First topic is things you take on holiday.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- Baz.- Teddy.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12- Bonnie.- Suitcase.- Yes, please.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13- Steve.- Shoes.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- We all do.- We do take them. LAUGHTER
0:05:18 > 0:05:21- Ben.- Victorian swimming costume. - LAUGHTER
0:05:21 > 0:05:24That answer's only correct for Ben Shires.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26I can see you in one.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28- Susan.- Books.- Books, yes.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- Hacker. - Laminated picture of Sue Barker.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33LAUGHTER
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- Steve.- Sandals.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39- It's all footwear! - He's obsessed with footwear.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41I'm playing a tactical game. I wear a lot of shoes.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44He's working from his feet up. Let's see if he can carry on.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46- Ben Shires. - A more relaxed attitude, Iain.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Yeah, that's good. I'll take that.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50- Susan.- An itinerary of everywhere we're going
0:05:50 > 0:05:52and everything we're doing for the entire holiday,
0:05:52 > 0:05:54so it's not relaxing.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57I can imagine you're a joy to go on holiday with.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00- Hacker.- Insect repellent!
0:06:02 > 0:06:06- Yes. Steve.- Flip-flops. - LAUGHTER
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Oh, he feels confident.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10- Hacker.- The return ticket.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12LAUGHTER Do you know what?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Do you know what, Hacker?
0:06:14 > 0:06:18APPLAUSE
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- I'm going to give you a bonus gold star for that.- Hurrah!
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- CHEERS AND APPLAUSE - Thank you.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- Steve.- Socks.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28LAUGHTER
0:06:28 > 0:06:30I've run out of shoes.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- Steve.- So...!- Oh, no!
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- Shush position. - I panicked. I panicked!
0:06:35 > 0:06:36- Bonnie.- Your family.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- AUDIENCE:- Aw!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41I want to bring you on holiday.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43- Baz.- Trousers.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45I mean, yes, trousers are a must.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48- Ben.- Electric and non-electric toothbrushes
0:06:48 > 0:06:50when electric runs out.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52So, electric and acoustic toothbrushes.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54LAUGHTER
0:06:54 > 0:06:55I'm happy with that. Susan.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58A phrase book so one can blend in with the locals
0:06:58 > 0:07:00- and make a bit more of an effort. - Yes, please.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- Ben.- Spacesuit. - Get in the shush position.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- Oh, come on!- I'm not having it. Shush position!
0:07:06 > 0:07:08- Baz.- Contact lenses.- Yes.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10- Bonnie.- Goggles.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12- Baz.- C...goggles.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Oh, shush position. Susan's left standing.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- Hacker. - I have ran out of answers!
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- It's Bonnie versus Susan. Here we go.- Come on, Susan.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24- Susan.- Sun hat.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Bonnie.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28- Oh!- Get in!
0:07:28 > 0:07:31The points go to Baz's team!
0:07:31 > 0:07:34APPLAUSE
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Right, next one... Right, I'm looking forward to this -
0:07:37 > 0:07:40disgusting things you can eat. LAUGHTER
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- Hacker.- Your own droppings!
0:07:43 > 0:07:45AUDIENCE GROAN IN DISGUST
0:07:45 > 0:07:48I just wanted to get it out of the way. There, it's done.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50- Baz.- Meat paste milkshake.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52There's nothing wrong with that.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Bonnie.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Oh! Shush position.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59She can't think of anything disgusting.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01- Susan.- Snot. - AUDIENCE GROAN IN DISGUST
0:08:01 > 0:08:04- Ben.- Anything my mum makes. (Sorry, Mum.)
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Oh, look at the mums in the audience.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10"That naughty little one. He's got no respect."
0:08:10 > 0:08:12It's not worth the point!
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- Steve.- Earwax.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17- AUDIENCE GROANS IN DISGUST - We've all done it.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18We haven't.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- Hacker.- Bogeys!
0:08:21 > 0:08:23We've had snot. Shush position, please.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25D'oh! I wasn't listening to her.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- Susan.- Bellybutton cheese. - AUDIENCE GROANS IN DISGUST
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- We're very much going for body fluids.- We are. We really are.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- Ben.- Athlete's foot. - AUDIENCE GROANS IN DISGUST
0:08:37 > 0:08:40- You can't eat athlete's foot! - Have you tried?- No!
0:08:40 > 0:08:43- Well, then, you don't know. - Shush position.- No!
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- The points go to Baz's team. - Get in!
0:08:45 > 0:08:48APPLAUSE
0:08:48 > 0:08:51BELL RINGS Oh, that is the end of the round.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54At the end of that round, the gold star goes to...
0:08:54 > 0:08:58- Baz's team!- Yay!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00APPLAUSE
0:09:02 > 0:09:05It's time now for Pie The Supply...
0:09:05 > 0:09:07- ANNOUNCER:- Pie The Supply.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11..where we celebrate the hero of the school world, the teacher,
0:09:11 > 0:09:13and by celebrate,
0:09:13 > 0:09:17I mean fling a great big custard pie in their face.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18In a moment, we'll present the teams
0:09:18 > 0:09:21with four people all claiming to be teachers.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23All they have to do is identify the three fakers,
0:09:23 > 0:09:25and then pie the real one.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Today, we're looking to fill a gap in our history department,
0:09:28 > 0:09:31so let's meet the teachers.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34AUDIENCE BOO
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Boo!
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Boo!
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Just to give you a little background,
0:09:43 > 0:09:45I'm now going to read out our teachers' CVs.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46Here we go.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Teacher number one is Mr Hamilton.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52He's been a history teacher for six years.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54He constantly forgets pupils' names
0:09:54 > 0:09:57and likes to write history quizzes in his spare time.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- Sounds like a real joy to be around. AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Number two is Mr Athwal.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05He's been a teacher for 11 years.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07He once got locked in a toilet
0:10:07 > 0:10:10and missed two classes before being found.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Teacher number three is Mr Cruickshank.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16He's been a history teacher for 16 years.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Last year, he won the school bake-off
0:10:19 > 0:10:22with his school-themed croquembouche.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25I definitely didn't say that properly.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Finally, teacher number four is Mrs Hoonjan.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30She's been a teacher for five years.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34She hasn't missed a day of teaching and performs as a Beyonce tribute.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Well, facts there.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41So, Bonnie's team, first impressions?
0:10:41 > 0:10:43You're looking at them.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Who's got a whiff of teacher about them?
0:10:45 > 0:10:46Bonnie, you're still at school.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Which one could you see in the classroom teaching about history?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Erm...number three.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54Why number three?
0:10:54 > 0:10:57In my old school, history teachers were normally...
0:10:57 > 0:11:02erm, they look like him, and that's why I thought that.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04- Hacks, what do you think? - I was thinking number three as well.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- Why? - Because he's a vision in salmon.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10LAUGHTER
0:11:10 > 0:11:11I love a bit of salmon.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Ben?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Well, I also was thinking number three, Iain.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Oh, it's not as good day for number three.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19No, he's furious.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22I mean, he's the eldest, so he's witnessed the most history,
0:11:22 > 0:11:23making him the most qualified.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26He's a history teacher, but currently, he's dreading his future.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29- No.- Baz's team. Baz?
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Erm, I think it's either number one or number three.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36- Oh, what made you think that? - Well, number one looks...
0:11:36 > 0:11:38His CV was sensible.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Number one looks like sort of One Direction
0:11:40 > 0:11:44once they've got a job in admin a few years down the line.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48I was also thinking number three, because, no offence, but...
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Well, this is obviously going to be horrific, then.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55..because history teachers, they tend to be quite old,
0:11:55 > 0:11:58- because they know... - BAZ GIGGLES
0:11:58 > 0:12:01- ..they know, like... - You can stop, Baz.- Yeah.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04So, looking at them, I'm drawn to three first of all.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06It's the shoes which are quite important.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08That's a good point. I like that observation.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Now, three is wearing the most comfortable men shoes.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- Yes.- However, let's not ignore number four
0:12:14 > 0:12:16with her sensible ballet pumps.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Well, I mean, there's a lot of Beyonce dancing to be done.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22And I think what we're meant to think
0:12:22 > 0:12:25is that it's number three, because we're all going,
0:12:25 > 0:12:27- "That's what a history teacher looks like."- Yes.
0:12:27 > 0:12:32Therefore, I submit to you, Iain Stirling...
0:12:32 > 0:12:34that that's what we're meant to think.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37And I will not fall for that, Iain Stirling.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41I, therefore, am looking at the one beside me
0:12:41 > 0:12:43with equally sensible shoes,
0:12:43 > 0:12:47cos one and two are clearly not...they're not in my radar.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49- No.- Look at the happiness - they're not teachers.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52LAUGHTER
0:12:52 > 0:12:56I think four looks dangerously like a sixth form pupil
0:12:56 > 0:12:58in number three's class.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Like a really eager sixth form student
0:13:00 > 0:13:01who hangs around with teachers.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Like me. She's the female version of me.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Right, Bonnie's team, have you got any questions?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09This is for number three, this. This will catch him out.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12- HE CLEARS THROAT - Number three.- Yes.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- History.- Yes. - Is there any future in it?
0:13:14 > 0:13:18- No, none whatsoever. - LAUGHTER
0:13:18 > 0:13:21- Baz? - How many friends do you each have?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23- LAUGHTER BONNIE:- What did he say?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25- How many friends. - How many friends do they have.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Number one.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- Exact number.- Just the people here with me, really.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34- I'm hoping possibly three.- Aw.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37That's a very teacher answer. Number two.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Facebook friends, I've got 250 Facebook friends.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42- ALL:- Ooh!
0:13:42 > 0:13:45- Number three. - I live a very sheltered life.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48LAUGHTER
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- ALL:- Aw!
0:13:53 > 0:13:57APPLAUSE
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Number four.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02I don't need any friends.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04OK... LAUGHTER
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Right, let's find out who the audience think.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11Guys, is it one, two, three or four? Please vote now using your mouths.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Guys, one, two, three, here we go.
0:14:13 > 0:14:18THEY SHOUT MULTIPLE ANSWERS
0:14:20 > 0:14:22OK. Calm down.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Bonnie, before you step up, could we actually get everyone
0:14:25 > 0:14:28to...could we get all the teachers to kneel down,
0:14:28 > 0:14:31cos, genuinely, Bonnie won't be able to reach you.
0:14:31 > 0:14:32On your knees, teachers.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35OK, Bonnie, they are primed and ready.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38It is time for Bonnie to get over here and...
0:14:38 > 0:14:40- ANNOUCER:- Pie The Supply.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42OK, there you go, Bonnie. Off we go.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47- Go on, Bonnie!- Go on, Bonnie! Go on, Bonnie!- Go on, Bonnie!
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- ALL:- Oh....!
0:14:51 > 0:14:53- ALL:- Oh...!
0:14:55 > 0:14:58THEY CHEER
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Pop it down there, Bonnie. Pop it down there.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Now, that was flan-tastic.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09I mean, most people wipe it off their face.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11You look like Iron Man.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Right, you can stand back up again.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17OK. Baz, you're up next, mate.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20- Time for you to... ANNOUNCER:- Pie The Supply.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22OK, Baz, on you go, mate.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Here we go. Baz is going, everyone.
0:15:24 > 0:15:29- ALL:- Oh...!
0:15:29 > 0:15:30- ALL:- Oh...!
0:15:31 > 0:15:35One! He got one! THEY CHEER
0:15:35 > 0:15:37No-one saw it coming!
0:15:38 > 0:15:40I hope you didn't buy that shirt special.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Well, one and three,
0:15:44 > 0:15:46which means one of you has pied the supply teacher
0:15:46 > 0:15:49and one of you has made a horrible error.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Bonnie, why did you pick number three?
0:15:51 > 0:15:55Well, everything that we've been saying about number three,
0:15:55 > 0:16:00it made me think that he's going to be the history teacher.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02And when I got up there, I looked in their eyes
0:16:02 > 0:16:04and his...like, yeah.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05She saw into his soul, Iain.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09"I looked into their eyes, and his soul screamed the past."
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- Yeah. - LAUGHTER
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Baz, why number one?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Because he sounded like a teacher,
0:16:16 > 0:16:18and we thought, like,
0:16:18 > 0:16:20he's the sort of, like, young history teacher
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- that has been teaching for a couple of years.- OK.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Let's find out who the real teacher is.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30Will the real history teacher please step forwards?
0:16:30 > 0:16:33CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Yes!
0:16:35 > 0:16:36Amazing.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39In that case, the points, and then the gold star,
0:16:39 > 0:16:43- goes to Baz's team!- Yay!
0:16:43 > 0:16:45CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Time now for career advice.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51This is Who Do You Think You Are? -
0:16:51 > 0:16:53the point in the show where two of our celebrities
0:16:53 > 0:16:57have to stick their mush in the Hole of Fame.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- ANNOUCER:- The Hole of Fame.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02What we do is project the body of a much more famous person
0:17:02 > 0:17:04onto our own celebrity,
0:17:04 > 0:17:05and they have to guess who they are
0:17:05 > 0:17:08by asking a series of yes-and-no questions.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- Susan, you're up first for Baz's team...- OK.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14..so please make your way to the Hole of Fame!
0:17:14 > 0:17:16- OK. All right. - ANNOUNCER:- The Hole of Fame.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- Susan.- Yes. - It's time to make you more famous.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26Gora, gora, smitha tat! AUDIENCE GIGGLE
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Right, Susie, you had to work out who you are
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- asking a series of yes-and-no questions.- OK.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- Got it.- Here we go.- OK. Am I a man?
0:17:35 > 0:17:36- Yes.- Yes.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Am I a pop star?
0:17:37 > 0:17:39- No.- No. Oh, you were. - Oh, yeah, you were.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41- Yes.- I was?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43- Am I my dancer?- No.- No.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46From that photo, it might suggest you are, but you're not.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- Am I...a politician?- No.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- Am I a model?- No.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56- Am I...am I still in show business? - Yes.- Very much so.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58- OK, I'm not an actor, I'm not a dancer...- No.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Am I a director?
0:18:00 > 0:18:02I mean, the job you do is probably one of the hardest jobs,
0:18:02 > 0:18:05and if anyone's capable of doing it, it's a real skill.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08- Am I a host of a television panel show?- Yeah!- No.- You are...
0:18:08 > 0:18:11- I'm a host of a show?- Yes.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13OK. I'm a host of a show on British television?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15- Yes.- OK.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17So, I used to be a pop star, now I host a show TV.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18Is it on ITV?
0:18:18 > 0:18:19- Yes.- Quite a lot of them.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- Oh, come on, Susan. You've got time. You can do it.- Am I Ant or Dec?
0:18:23 > 0:18:27- Yes! What one? Which one?- Am I Ant?
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- I don't know!- You are! Yes! - I'm Ant! Yes?
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- No, you're not! I don't know who they are!- The other one!
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Am I Declan Donnelly?
0:18:36 > 0:18:39- Yes! - CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:18:40 > 0:18:45Ben, it's now time for you to assume the position in the Hole of Fame.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47- ANNOUNCER:- The Hole of Fame.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49In you come, Ben. Here we go.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Lovely...lovely stuff. LAUGHTER
0:18:51 > 0:18:53OK, Ben,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56time to make you more famous.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57Kah-blamo!
0:18:57 > 0:19:02- LAUGHTER - I did not see that coming.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- No, no-one did.- You look...
0:19:05 > 0:19:07- I did not see that coming. - ..you look incredible, Ben.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Ben, how do you feel?
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Finally, the reaction I've been waiting for all day.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Hello, adoring fans!
0:19:14 > 0:19:16LAUGHTER
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Wherever I am, I think I'd do that. That's my thing.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20You know what? You look so good
0:19:20 > 0:19:22- I'm going to give you a bonus gold star for that.- Yay!
0:19:22 > 0:19:24- That's how good you look.- Yeah!
0:19:24 > 0:19:26APPLAUSE
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Right, you have got yes-or-no questions to
0:19:28 > 0:19:29work out who you are.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32You look fantastic, but who are you?
0:19:32 > 0:19:34OK. Am I a man?
0:19:34 > 0:19:35- Yes.- Yes.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Am I a...a pop star?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- No.- No.- No.- Ooh...
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Am I...an actor?
0:19:44 > 0:19:45- Yes.- Yes.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- Am I American?- Yes.- Yes.- Yes.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52OK, American male movie star.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56- He was in...- I must admit, this one is rock hard, isn't it?
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- Yeah, it's a difficult one. - It's really difficult, this one.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Difficult... It's rock...rock...
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Ooh, was I in a film called The Rock?
0:20:04 > 0:20:06- No.- No.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- Well, why did you say rock hard, then?- It was a clue.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11No. You were really close when you said The Rock.
0:20:11 > 0:20:12I was really close...
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- Oh, am I The Rock? - Yeah.- Yes, you are.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19- Oh! Am I Dwayne Johnson?- Hurrah!
0:20:19 > 0:20:21CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Well done, both teams.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25At the end of that round, the gold star goes to...
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Bonnie's team!
0:20:28 > 0:20:31CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Time now for some maths, but don't worry, it's not pants.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40It's time for Smarty Pants...
0:20:40 > 0:20:41- ANNOUNCER:- Smarty Pants.
0:20:41 > 0:20:46..the game that finally unites the two worlds of maths and underwear.
0:20:46 > 0:20:47Lovely.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51One member of each team puts on a pair of Mr Smash's Y-fronts.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Here they are here.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Rather fetching, I think you'll agree.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Then all you have to do is work out a series of tricky maths questions
0:20:59 > 0:21:01and fill up the underscants
0:21:01 > 0:21:04with the relevant number of coloured foamy things,
0:21:04 > 0:21:05to give them their technical term.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09They then run over to their tube and drop them off.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12The team with the correct number at the end wins the round.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16So, captains, who is going to shift these units for you?
0:21:16 > 0:21:20- Baz, who are you thinking?- Steve. - Steve?- Yeah.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Do you like wearing massive pants and running around?
0:21:22 > 0:21:23It has always been my dream.
0:21:23 > 0:21:28As Steve likes to call it, Sunday afternoons.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Bonnie, Hacker or Ben?
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Who is going to carry out this physical activity?
0:21:34 > 0:21:35I can't imagine.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I did volunteer, but Ben said he would do it.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41- I was insistent.- Ben. - Oh, thanks, Bonnie.- Cheers, Ben.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42OK, Ben, don't worry -
0:21:42 > 0:21:46I've got a massive pair of pants for you too.
0:21:46 > 0:21:50Guys, come over and get your underscants.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:21:53 > 0:21:56And let's play Smarty Pants.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Guys, your time starts when I ask the first question,
0:22:04 > 0:22:06and you first question is...
0:22:06 > 0:22:09How many zeros are there in a billion?
0:22:09 > 0:22:10Oh, erm...
0:22:10 > 0:22:12How many zeros in a billion?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Shout out the answers.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17- What is it? What is it?- Nine. - How many is it?- Nine.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20- Five.- There's more than five! - It's more than five.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24- Nine.- Nine. Come on, Steve. - Utilise your bottom.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26- Utilise...- Go!- Go... Go, Steve, go.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- Oh!- No!- You've dropped one! You've dropped one, Steve.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Get those pants cleared out. Clear out those pants.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37BUZZER RINGS All right. Next question.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41In rugby union, a try is worth how many points?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43- Go!- Five! Five! Five!
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- Five, Steve!- Five!
0:22:45 > 0:22:50- Five!- Come on. Use the bottom. You can use your bottom area.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52- Go!- Feel free to help out.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57- Five!- Come on. Come on.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Get up, Ben Shires. BUZZER RINGS
0:23:00 > 0:23:03In the USA, what is the maximum number of the years
0:23:03 > 0:23:05a president can stay in office?
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Eight. Eight. Eight!
0:23:08 > 0:23:11- There's a...blockage!- Go on, Ben!
0:23:11 > 0:23:13- CHANTING:- Ben! Ben! Ben!
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Eight! Eight!
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- Say, "Eight."- Eight!
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Oh, there's a fight! Get him up!
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Go on, Ben!
0:23:27 > 0:23:30It's a health and safety nightmare.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Get 'em in. Get 'em in. Get 'em in.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- ANNOUNCER:- School disco!
0:23:37 > 0:23:38School disco!
0:23:38 > 0:23:40# There's no denying
0:23:40 > 0:23:42# I'm ready for this
0:23:42 > 0:23:44# You stop me falling
0:23:44 > 0:23:46# I'm ready for this
0:23:46 > 0:23:48# I need you all in
0:23:48 > 0:23:50# I'm ready for this
0:23:50 > 0:23:52# So, darling, hold my hand
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- # Soul is like a melting pot... # - RECORD SKIPS
0:23:57 > 0:24:01A football team has how many players on the pitch? Keep going!
0:24:01 > 0:24:02Come on!
0:24:06 > 0:24:11This is a high number. Will the pants sustain the pressure?
0:24:11 > 0:24:1211!
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Come on, guys. That is a lot.
0:24:17 > 0:24:21- CHANTING:- Steve! Steve! Steve!
0:24:21 > 0:24:23You've dropped one. You've dropped one.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26First one back to the buzzer, first one back to the buzzer.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Who's back first?! BUZZER RINGS
0:24:30 > 0:24:34Final question. How many bones in a giraffe's neck?
0:24:34 > 0:24:35It's the final question!
0:24:35 > 0:24:37- Seven!- Seven!
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- Seven!- Seven!- Seven!- Seven!
0:24:40 > 0:24:42- Seven!- Seven!- Seven!- Seven!
0:24:42 > 0:24:44- Come on. Final question.- Seven!
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go, go!
0:24:50 > 0:24:51Drop them in!
0:24:55 > 0:24:58- BELL RINGS Time's up.- Is it done?
0:24:58 > 0:25:02CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Woo!
0:25:04 > 0:25:07- Ben, come and stand with me.- Ergh...
0:25:08 > 0:25:09Come and stand with me.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12OK, here we go. All the answers.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14How many zeros are there in a billion? Answer was nine.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17In rugby union, a try is worth how many points? Five.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19In the USA, what's the maximum number of years
0:25:19 > 0:25:21a president can stay in office? Eight.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24A football team has how many players on the pitch? 11.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27How many bones in a giraffe's neck? Seven.
0:25:27 > 0:25:28Comes to 40.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31So, we're looking for the closest to 40.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33If you're bang on, you get the gold star.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37Let's have a look. Here we go. One, two, three, four, five...
0:25:39 > 0:25:44..38, 39, 40, 41.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46- He's just missed it!- Argh!
0:25:46 > 0:25:49APPLAUSE
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Steve Bugeja, how are you feeling?
0:25:51 > 0:25:54I am so unfit.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- If you've got 40, you get the gold star. Let's have a look.- OK.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00One, two, three, four...
0:26:02 > 0:26:06..35, 36, 37.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09- Oh! - CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:26:09 > 0:26:15Which means the gold star goes to Bonnie's team!
0:26:15 > 0:26:19CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:26:19 > 0:26:23And, sadly, that is just about that.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26All that remains is for me to call down the stars
0:26:26 > 0:26:28and add up the scores.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31So, please, send down the stars.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:26:38 > 0:26:41And today's winners are...
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Bonnie's team!
0:26:43 > 0:26:47CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Congratulations, Bonnie's team. You get to bask in your own glory.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54As for Baz's team, the dog gets your homework,
0:26:54 > 0:26:56and you get a fate worse than double maths -
0:26:56 > 0:26:58it's detention with Mr Smash.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02So, guys, it's time to take the walk of shame.
0:27:02 > 0:27:03- # La-la-la, la-la-la - Losers
0:27:03 > 0:27:05- # La-la-la, la-la-la - Losers
0:27:05 > 0:27:07- # La-la-la, la-la-la - Losers
0:27:07 > 0:27:09- # La-la-la, la-la-la - Losers
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- # La-la-la, la-la-la - Losers
0:27:12 > 0:27:14# Losers. #
0:27:14 > 0:27:18So, admittedly, we didn't learn much, but it was fun trying.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20See you guys next time on...
0:27:20 > 0:27:24The Dog Ate My Homework!
0:27:24 > 0:27:27Sees ya!
0:27:27 > 0:27:31CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:28:00 > 0:28:03AUDIENCE CHEER