0:00:02 > 0:00:04CHEERING AND SCREAMING
0:00:09 > 0:00:11BELL RINGS
0:00:11 > 0:00:14THEY SPEAK COMIC JIBBERISH
0:00:26 > 0:00:28ROARING
0:00:28 > 0:00:30ROBOT WHIRRS
0:00:32 > 0:00:34OCTOPUS GROWLS
0:00:36 > 0:00:38DOG BARKS
0:00:39 > 0:00:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Ye-e-e-e-e-e-eah!!!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:59 > 0:01:03What...? What's happened? What's this? What's happened here?
0:01:03 > 0:01:05LAUGHTER
0:01:05 > 0:01:08You've... LAUGHTER
0:01:08 > 0:01:12Just embarrassment in front of... Let's get on with the show.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Hello, everyone!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:18 > 0:01:22Hello, I'm Iain Stirling and this is The Dog Ate My Homework,
0:01:22 > 0:01:25a game show you can all play along with at home.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Although, if you shout your answers at the TV,
0:01:28 > 0:01:31I can't actually hear you. LAUGHTER
0:01:31 > 0:01:35So let's meet our te-e-e-eams! APPLAUSE
0:01:35 > 0:01:39On my right, a boy who failed his woodwork exam
0:01:39 > 0:01:42by making a chair out of bits of wood and sticky tape.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45The judges said he didn't quite nail it.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47- It's Isaac, everyone.- Here, sir.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49APPLAUSE
0:01:49 > 0:01:54And on Isaac's team, someone who played a news reporter on DNN.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57What an easy job, just sitting behind a desk,
0:01:57 > 0:01:59talking to the camera...
0:01:59 > 0:02:03Oh, yeah. It's Dominique Moore, everyone.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06- Here, sir. - APPLAUSE
0:02:06 > 0:02:10And on Isaac's team, a man obsessed with time travel.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14In fact, he was voted the man most likely to invent time machines
0:02:14 > 0:02:16back in his class...
0:02:16 > 0:02:20of 2057. LAUGHTER
0:02:20 > 0:02:22It's Stuart Goldsmith, everyone.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- Here, sir. - APPLAUSE
0:02:25 > 0:02:29And on my left, a girl that in cookery class
0:02:29 > 0:02:31was so good at making margarine,
0:02:31 > 0:02:35her school report said, "Could do butter", it's Kiera.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38- Here, sir. - APPLAUSE
0:02:39 > 0:02:42And on Kiera's team, someone whose teacher said
0:02:42 > 0:02:45he was destined for great things and he certainly "grates" on me.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48It's CBBC's Chris "Yonko" Johnson.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- Here, sir. - APPLAUSE
0:02:51 > 0:02:54The Yonko-meister himself.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57And finally, a lady who at school was in a class of her own.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Or as normal people call it, detention.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02- It's comedian Susan Calman. - Here, sir.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06APPLAUSE
0:03:06 > 0:03:10So, that is today's panel. It's all about school, guys.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Is this a good time to let you know about our team name?
0:03:13 > 0:03:17- Now you've brought it up. - It's a made-up word, isn't it?
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- Oh, what's your team name? - Is it a made-up word?- Sort of.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22We've made it up but other people have used it.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26- You've made it up now... - But other people have used it.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28LAUGHTER
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- I totally get what you mean.- CHRIS: - I have no idea what's going on.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33So you heard a word and then you thought,
0:03:33 > 0:03:36"That's a good word. I'll make that up."
0:03:36 > 0:03:41- No, it was.. We made it up as a team.- Even though it's already...
0:03:41 > 0:03:44- Cos Isaac's from Bristol.- Right. - And I was born in Bristol,
0:03:44 > 0:03:47so we wanted to call our team name the Beanheads.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50And I wrote "Bean" and I was hoping someone down that end
0:03:50 > 0:03:53would have written "Heads", then we could have gone...
0:03:53 > 0:03:58But now we've got quite a lonely team name. We're just called Bean.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00LAUGHTER
0:04:00 > 0:04:02What do you guys think?
0:04:02 > 0:04:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:05 > 0:04:10- Yay! They like it, so... - They eventually like it. Good.- Yeah.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13It's a very good team name. Well done.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16We've got team Bean. Have you guys got a team name?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19We didn't think we needed a name, to be honest.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21I didn't think you did either,
0:04:21 > 0:04:24but Dominique's come in with the rules that she's learnt.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- What would you like to call it? - The Toilet Plungers.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31- The Toilet... - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:33 > 0:04:37OK, we've got team Bean and team Toilet Plungers.
0:04:37 > 0:04:43Let's get on with the sh-o-o-o-o-ow.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45APPLAUSE
0:04:45 > 0:04:47This is how the show works.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Each team will compete in a series of rounds.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Win the round and you'll win yourself a shiny golden star.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55- AUDIENCE:- Whoo!
0:04:55 > 0:04:58But be warned! If I hear any nonsense,
0:04:58 > 0:05:01any tomfoolery or any higgery-jiggery-pokery -
0:05:01 > 0:05:04whatever that is - I can take those stars away,
0:05:04 > 0:05:08wafting them with my massive man-hand.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Woo, woo!
0:05:10 > 0:05:14Get out of my studio, you naughty golden star!
0:05:14 > 0:05:17LAUGHTER
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Oi! Oi!
0:05:19 > 0:05:23Don't give me that cos you know fine well it's Iain's school, so it's...
0:05:23 > 0:05:25- AUDIENCE:- Iain's rules!
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Yes, the team with the most points at the end will be crowned...
0:05:29 > 0:05:33# Champione, champione. #
0:05:33 > 0:05:37Yes, they'll be crowned champions, while the losers will face detention
0:05:37 > 0:05:39with a man less charming than a teacher's handkerchief.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41It's Mr Smash.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43AUDIENCE BOOS
0:05:47 > 0:05:50MR SMASH GRUNTS AND SHOUTS
0:05:51 > 0:05:54LAUGHTER
0:05:56 > 0:05:59MR SMASH GRUNTS
0:06:01 > 0:06:03HE GRUNTS EXCITEDLY
0:06:03 > 0:06:05GLASS SMASHES
0:06:06 > 0:06:09LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:10 > 0:06:17OK, let's get on with the sh-o-o-o-o-ow.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- This is Stick To The Point. VOICEOVER:- Stick To The Point.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27This is a game that can be played by all the family.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31All you need is a family and a big stick like this one.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- AUDIENCE:- Whoo! - Oh, yes, you like that!
0:06:35 > 0:06:38This is available from all good stick shops. Here are the rules.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41I give the teams a topic and then point this stick at one of them.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44They then give me an example of that topic.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47If they fail to answer, repeat an answer or just talk gibberish,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49then I put them in the shush position.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Can I see your shush positions, please?
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Lovely work. The winner is the last team talking.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59OK, guys, if you're ready,
0:06:59 > 0:07:04your first topic is Green Things You Eat. Dominique.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Bogey.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08LAUGHTER
0:07:08 > 0:07:12- No, I don't eat it, but some people do.- Susan.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- Brussels sprouts.- Isaac.
0:07:15 > 0:07:16- Cauliflower.- Chris.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18- Broccoli.- Stuart.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Cauliflower isn't... I know I'm arguing against our team here
0:07:21 > 0:07:24- but cauliflower...- So, don't do it! - They're green, they're green!
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Wait a second, Stuart, you're right. Cauliflowers are white.
0:07:28 > 0:07:33- Isaac... Isaac, get... - He said lettuce.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Get in the shush position
0:07:34 > 0:07:38and look over to Stuart and give him a big thanking smile.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40LAUGHTER
0:07:40 > 0:07:44Isaac, neither of your teammates understand what is going on here.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46- Kiera.- Peas.- Stu.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- More peas. - LAUGHTER
0:07:49 > 0:07:53- They are!- Sabotage!- Shush position.
0:07:53 > 0:07:58You've now got Dominique on her own. Here we go.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Three on one. OK, Kiera.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03- Cucumber.- Dominique.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06- Mint.- Chris.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- Kale.- Dominique.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10- Ha... - LAUGHTER
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Wait, is this the game where you're allowed to hesitate or not?
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Cos if it's not, then I won't hesitate.
0:08:16 > 0:08:21But if I can, then I'm going to say green peppers.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24LAUGHTER
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- That was good!- Shush position.- Oh!
0:08:27 > 0:08:30What are you talking about? You can't hesitate!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Boo! - Don't you dare boo me!- Yes!
0:08:33 > 0:08:36AUDIENCE BOOS
0:08:36 > 0:08:41I've lost them, I've lost them. Not shifting it, Dominique.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44The points go to Kiera's team in that round.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:47 > 0:08:52OK, next, Words Associated With Winter.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- Yonko.- Snow.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57- Stu.- Flakes.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00- Kiera.- Trees that are white.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02LAUGHTER
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- Trees that are white. - You don't get white trees.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06You get white Christmas trees.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08You're not meant to be biased to a team.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10You're not meant to be talking!
0:09:10 > 0:09:12LAUGHTER
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- You can't help other teams. - I'm not helping anyone!
0:09:15 > 0:09:18You are, because you suggested Christmas trees,
0:09:18 > 0:09:22- white Christmas trees.- I said trees are white.- They're not though.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26- You can get white trees. - You're thinking of cauliflowers.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Will everyone stop discussing white trees?! Stu.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- Tinsel.- Chris.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- Icicles.- Dominique.
0:09:33 > 0:09:38Christmas songs. # We... #
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Come on, team!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41LAUGHTER
0:09:41 > 0:09:47- Great teamwork.- # We...
0:09:47 > 0:09:49# We... #
0:09:49 > 0:09:52# Will, we will rock you
0:09:52 > 0:09:55ALL: # We will, we will rock you. #
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- That's where we were going with that.- Kiera.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Cold...water.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03LAUGHTER
0:10:03 > 0:10:05I would have accepted ice.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Unfortunately, I cannot accept cold water.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Shush position, please, young lady. Thank you.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13- Isaac.- Snowball fight.
0:10:13 > 0:10:18- Susan.- Lovely warm lentil soup. Lovely pot of soup on the stove.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Oh, lovely. Errrr... LAUGHTER
0:10:21 > 0:10:24- Isaac.- Snowboard... Snowman building.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28It was a hesitation, I'm afraid, mate. Shush position. Susan.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32- Dressing as an elf for fun. - LAUGHTER
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Sometimes it's nice to dress as an elf,
0:10:34 > 0:10:37then when the postman comes, he gets a nice surprise.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40LAUGHTER
0:10:40 > 0:10:42You get a bonus gold star for that mental image.
0:10:42 > 0:10:48- A package for me, sir?- Whoa, Santa will be so glad it's arrived!
0:10:48 > 0:10:51- Clever. Dominique.- Rudolf.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53- Chris.- Extra thick socks.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54- Dominique.- Mince pies.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- Dominique.- Mince pies. I already said it.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- Dominique.- You can go to someone else now.- I know I can,
0:10:59 > 0:11:01but I'm not, but I'm not, but I'm not. Dominique.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05- Notebooks. - LAUGHTER
0:11:05 > 0:11:07- You know, for making all your Christmas notes.- Yeah.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10- Shush position.- Oh!- Yonk.
0:11:10 > 0:11:11- Snowboarding.- Stu.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13- Donner.- Susan.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- Selection boxes.- Stu.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19- Blitzen.- I can see where this is going. Stu.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21- Prancer.- Stu.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23- Dancer.- Stu.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25- Dasher.- Stu.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- Nudolph? - LAUGHTER
0:11:28 > 0:11:33- What?!- Shush position, I'm afraid. Points go to Kiera's team.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:36 > 0:11:38END-OF-ROUND BELL
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Oh, that bell says it's the end of that round.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42And at the end of that round,
0:11:42 > 0:11:46the gold star goes to Kiera's te-e-e-e-eam!
0:11:46 > 0:11:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:52 > 0:11:56OK, it is now time for Lost Words.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58- VOICEOVER:- Lost Words.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01This is where I give the teams a fact with some missing words.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03All they have to do is fill in the blanks.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06So, finger on your buzzer. Is your buzzer there?
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Kiera, let's have a little listen.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10BELL RINGS Lovely. And Isaac.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- HORN HONKS - Ooh!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16OK, here is your first fact. Here we go.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Students who BLANK BLANK do better in maths.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21HORN HONKS
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Student who have 15 fingers do better in maths.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28- That's good! - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:29 > 0:12:32If Isaac's got one shoe off, counting toes,
0:12:32 > 0:12:35you know he's struggling. BELL RINGS
0:12:35 > 0:12:40- Susan Calman.- Students who have a degree in maths do better in maths.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43LAUGHTER It's factually correct.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45It's not what I've got written on the card here.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47- HORN HONKS Stu Goldsmith.- Cheat.
0:12:47 > 0:12:52- Students who cheat do better in maths.- Never cheat! Never cheat!
0:12:52 > 0:12:57Bad cheat! I will hit you with the man-hand.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Ba-doosh! HORN HONKS
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Dominique. This will be interesting.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06- No, it's just what I think the fact is.- OK, here we go then.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10Students who are related to the maths teacher do better in maths.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12LAUGHTER
0:13:12 > 0:13:15It's good. It's very good but it's not what we've got.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17BELL RINGS Chris Yonko Johnson.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Students who actually attend maths lessons do better in maths.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24You must go to the maths lessons, everyone. You must go. Anyone else?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27This is all important information. I'm going to give...
0:13:27 > 0:13:29HORN HONKS Isaac?
0:13:29 > 0:13:34Students who actually do maths do better in maths.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37These are good. I'm going to give you the answer. It's...
0:13:37 > 0:13:39BELL RINGS Kiera.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41- Students who know what... - Maths is.
0:13:41 > 0:13:47- ..E equals, they'll do better in maths.- It's good, it's good.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51I'm going to give you the answer now. It's...
0:13:51 > 0:13:54- HORN HONKS Oh!- I just wanted to do it!
0:13:54 > 0:13:58- Sorry, I couldn't help myself. - You've got to give an answer now.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02Er... Students who... Help me!
0:14:02 > 0:14:03BELL RINGS
0:14:03 > 0:14:05I'm going to give you the answer. Students...
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Stop ringing the bell! I've gone insane!
0:14:08 > 0:14:13Students who chew gum do better in maths.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17- No way!- You're not allowed to chew gum in school.- You're not allowed.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21- You're not allowed!- And that's why you're all rubbish at maths!
0:14:21 > 0:14:25Right, next one. Archaeologists have shown
0:14:25 > 0:14:28that people have been doing BLANK for 35,000 years.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30What is it, guys? HORN HONKS
0:14:30 > 0:14:31- Stu.- I think the word is "fine".
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Archaeologists have shown that people have been doing fine
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- for 35,000 years.- That's what you say, isn't it? "How you doing?"
0:14:37 > 0:14:39"I'm fine, how are you?"
0:14:39 > 0:14:42HORN HONKS Dominique.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Archaeologists have shown
0:14:44 > 0:14:49that people have been doing dancing for 35,000 years.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52What was the dancing like back 35,000 years ago, Dominique?
0:14:52 > 0:14:55LAUGHTER
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Famously, people 35,000 years ago couldn't move their feet!
0:14:58 > 0:15:01BELL RINGS Chris.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Archaeologists have shown that people have been burying things
0:15:04 > 0:15:06in their garden for 35,000 years.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10Not what I've got on the card. It's a school subject.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12BELL RINGS Susan Calman.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16- Maths.- Is corre-e-e-e-ect!
0:15:16 > 0:15:18That's what I was going to say!
0:15:18 > 0:15:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:20 > 0:15:24There you go! 35,000 years of maths.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26END-OF-ROUND BELL
0:15:26 > 0:15:29That is the end of that round and at the end of that round,
0:15:29 > 0:15:34the gold star goes to Kiera's te-e-e-e-eam!
0:15:34 > 0:15:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:37 > 0:15:44OK, guys, think what fun is. Times it by a million, add more fun.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46It's time, now, for Pie The Supply.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48- VOICEOVER:- Pie The Supply.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51In this round, we interview four possible supply teachers.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54However, only one of them has genuine qualifications.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57The other three all need a proper hobby.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00All our teams have to do is work out who's telling the truth,
0:16:00 > 0:16:04which is when they get to slam a flan in a teacher's pan.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07So, let's bring out the teachers.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09AUDIENCE BOOS
0:16:09 > 0:16:14Boo! Booooooo!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Boo!
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Boo!
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Boo, boo, boo! Guys, exciting news.
0:16:22 > 0:16:27Today's Pie The Supply is a deputy head teacher special.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29- AUDIENCE:- Whoo!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Before you ask your questions,
0:16:31 > 0:16:34let's have a little listen to our deputy head teachers' CVs.
0:16:34 > 0:16:39Teacher number one is Mrs Burns. She's been teaching for 20 years.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Her greatest achievement in teaching
0:16:41 > 0:16:45was being nominated for Deputy Head Teacher of the Year Award.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Open brackets, didn't win, closed brackets.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49LAUGHTER
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Teacher number two, Mr Henderson, has been teaching for 12 years.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54While he was a student teacher,
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Mr Henderson accidentally locked himself
0:16:57 > 0:16:59in his own stationery cupboard.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03What's he like?! Teacher number three is Mrs Smith.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06She's been teaching for 15 years.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Embarrassingly, Mrs Smith once burped by accident
0:17:09 > 0:17:13into the microphone while delivering a morning assembly.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17Naughty, naughty teacher. Teacher number four is Miss Crockett.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19She's been a teacher for ten years.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23In her spare time, she likes to go for walks in the park with Elvis -
0:17:23 > 0:17:27her pet pug, not the singer from the past!
0:17:27 > 0:17:29LAUGHTER
0:17:32 > 0:17:35OK, that is our deputy head teachers.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37But only one of them is a stinking teacher.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41OK, questions. Kiera's team, have you got any questions?
0:17:41 > 0:17:46If your whole school's eating dinner in the hall
0:17:46 > 0:17:49and they took forever eating, would you just let it off?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Tell you what I'm going to do.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- Susan, could you pick numbers at random, please?- Yeah.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56I'm eating and just chatting and I'm eating,
0:17:56 > 0:17:59- but you need me to stop talking.- OK. - Here we go.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03- Yum-yum...- Three. - You have to listen right now!
0:18:03 > 0:18:06- Whoa.- Yum-yum-yum...- Two.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Behave. Have respect for others.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13You're the nicest man I've ever met. LAUGHTER
0:18:13 > 0:18:15"Just chill out, man, just have some fun.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18"Here, give me the fork. I'll help you eat."
0:18:18 > 0:18:19LAUGHTER
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- Yum-yum, yum-yum...- Four.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25- Lunchtime's over. Back to class.- ALL:- Ooh.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Susan, I don't want to do this. LAUGHTER
0:18:28 > 0:18:32If she's not a deputy head, she's in charge of a prison!
0:18:32 > 0:18:34LAUGHTER
0:18:34 > 0:18:36- Keep going. Number one.- Yum-yum...
0:18:36 > 0:18:40I'd like you to hurry up. We're almost ready for class.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44- OK, a little insight. - Good question, Kiera.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46So, Isaac's team. Stu Goldsmith.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50Number two, what did you want to be when you grew up?
0:18:50 > 0:18:52A - a man.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:55 > 0:18:58He's so sweet, I thought he'd be, like, "A unicorn".
0:18:58 > 0:19:01LAUGHTER
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Number four, what did you want to be when you grew up?
0:19:03 > 0:19:07- SCOTTISH ACCENT:- Either a policewoman or a fairy.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09LAUGHTER
0:19:09 > 0:19:12A policewoman on the weekdays and a fairy at the weekends.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13I didn't get the accent.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16I thought she meant a ferry, like you put cars on.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- I can't see that happening.- Wah-wah!
0:19:18 > 0:19:22OK, one more question. Dominique, did you have a question?
0:19:22 > 0:19:26- Yeah, I did.- OK.- I'd like each of you to show me your face
0:19:26 > 0:19:28as if the photocopier's just broken
0:19:28 > 0:19:30and it's really early in the morning
0:19:30 > 0:19:33and you've got to teach the class, so number one, you go first.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35- SHE GASPS - Grr.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- That's good.- OK, number two.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41It doesn't really matter what...
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Of course it doesn't!
0:19:43 > 0:19:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Number two's like,
0:19:47 > 0:19:50"Hey, guys, the photocopier's broken but we're all here.
0:19:50 > 0:19:55"Think of the odds of us all being on this planet together.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57"Come on, let's skip."
0:19:57 > 0:20:00LAUGHTER
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- OK, number three.- Not again, I'm going to miss my meeting.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06- Ooh!- Meetings, meetings.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- She's created meetings. - Real teachers have meetings, so...
0:20:08 > 0:20:10- They do. And?- Number four.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- LAUGHTER - Ooh...
0:20:14 > 0:20:17I thought number four was going to go...
0:20:18 > 0:20:22Dff, dff, dff, dff, dff.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25That'll teach you, you wee photocopier!
0:20:25 > 0:20:26LAUGHTER
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Mess with me!
0:20:28 > 0:20:32OK, so it's time to do some pie-ing.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35First of all, audience, it's a deputy head special,
0:20:35 > 0:20:38this is important. Who do you think is the real teacher?
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Shout now - one, two, three.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42AUDIENCE SHOUT
0:20:44 > 0:20:48OK, it's a mixed bag. I think most of the audience think three.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Not all, but most think three.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55But now, Kiera, you have got a chance to possibly pie
0:20:55 > 0:20:59a deputy head teacher in the face. Kiera, please go and...
0:20:59 > 0:21:03- VOICEOVER:- Pie the supply. - Off you go, Kiera. Here we go!
0:21:04 > 0:21:07It's the deputy head special.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11Whoa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a, look at them there!
0:21:11 > 0:21:16- AUDIENCE:- Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa...
0:21:16 > 0:21:18SHOUTING
0:21:18 > 0:21:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:23 > 0:21:26I tell you what, Kiera, you're a braver girl than me!
0:21:26 > 0:21:29I would not have done that!
0:21:29 > 0:21:34OK, Isaac, it's time for you to go and...
0:21:34 > 0:21:37- VOICEOVER:- Pie the supply. - Here you go. Off you go.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41APPLAUSE
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- AUDIENCE:- Who-o-o-o-o-oa...
0:21:44 > 0:21:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:51 > 0:21:56Right, would the real deputy head teacher please step forward?
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Oh...
0:22:01 > 0:22:05LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:09 > 0:22:15At the end of that round, the gold star goes to Kiera's te-e-e-e-eam.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17APPLAUSE
0:22:19 > 0:22:22OK, some career's advice now in a round
0:22:22 > 0:22:25we like to call Who Do You Think You Are?
0:22:25 > 0:22:28For this round, I ask our celebrities to put their face
0:22:28 > 0:22:32- in the Hole of Fame. VOICEOVER:- The Hole of Fame.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36We'll then give them the body of a much more famous celeb.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39All they have to do is guess who they think they are
0:22:39 > 0:22:42by asking only "yes" or "no" questions.
0:22:42 > 0:22:48- OK, so... VOICEOVER:- The School Disco.- School Disco!
0:22:48 > 0:22:52MUSIC: Blame by Calvin Harris ft John Newman
0:22:53 > 0:22:55# Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo
0:22:56 > 0:22:59# Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo
0:23:00 > 0:23:04# Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. # RECORD SCRATCHES
0:23:06 > 0:23:10OK, Susan, time for you to stick your head in the Hole of Fame!
0:23:10 > 0:23:13- VOICEOVER:- The Hole of Fame.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16You can leave your worries at one side
0:23:16 > 0:23:19cos I'm about to make you incredibly famous.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Brr-ba-ba-ba-ba!
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Lovely! LAUGHTER
0:23:25 > 0:23:29Susan, you're looking absolutely fan...
0:23:29 > 0:23:32OK, "yes"/ "no" questions, Susan. Work out who you are.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34- Am I human?- ALL:- No.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- Am I a superhero?- ALL:- No.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41- Am I a lizard?- ALL:- No. - LAUGHTER
0:23:41 > 0:23:43- Am I an animal?- ALL:- No.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47- I'm not a human, animal, lizard or superhero?- No.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- Am I a robot?- ALL:- No.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- What else is there? - STUART:- That's all the things.
0:23:53 > 0:23:59- Am I...?- You are a male thing.- I'm a male thing. But not an animal?- No.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- Am I a cartoon?- Yes.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- Oh... - OK, so I'm a cartoon character.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- Am I from a film or a TV series? - A film.- A film?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09- Yes.- A modern film?- Yes. Film, yes.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11- Can I give her a clue? - Yeah, give me a clue.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14- No, you can't give her a clue. - In which case, I shan't.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- It's "despicable" that you wanted to give her a clue.- Despicable...
0:24:17 > 0:24:20It's... I know! I know! I'm a Minion!
0:24:20 > 0:24:23- ALL:- Yes!
0:24:24 > 0:24:27I only know that because my niece likes it when I go...
0:24:27 > 0:24:31- AS MINION:- "Urgh, bottom." - LAUGHTER
0:24:31 > 0:24:33If you name what Minion you are, we'll give you a bonus gold star.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- Am I Bob?- Yes!
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Yes!
0:24:40 > 0:24:44Stu, time for you to stick your head in the Hole of Fame.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46- VOICEOVER:- The Hole of Fame.
0:24:46 > 0:24:51OK, Stu, it's time to make you much more famous.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Streee...
0:24:53 > 0:24:57LAUGHTER Lovely! Lovely!
0:24:57 > 0:24:58Yeah!
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Check it... LAUGHTER
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Look to your right. And up a bit.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10LAUGHTER
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Blow a kiss.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Ah...
0:25:15 > 0:25:17OK, so, Stu.
0:25:17 > 0:25:22- Am I a human?- No.- Ah-ha!
0:25:22 > 0:25:26- I'm a famous... Am I an animal?- ALL:- Yes.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28- Am I a singer?- ALL:- Yes.
0:25:28 > 0:25:33- You say... You're known for singing. - I'm know for singing.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- Am I a dog?- No.- No.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40Am I a land animal?
0:25:40 > 0:25:42No.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44- You're an amphibian.- Yes.
0:25:44 > 0:25:49- Am I an amphibian?- Yes. - Pretty sweet guess, guys. Um...
0:25:49 > 0:25:55- An amphibian that sometimes sings. - Yeah.
0:25:55 > 0:25:59- Yes.- Come on, you can do it. - Er, am I...?
0:25:59 > 0:26:02- I'm not Kermit, am I?- ALL:- Yes!
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Kermit! That is the best!
0:26:05 > 0:26:11Stu Goldsmith, bonus gold star for your Kermit the Frog impression.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14- AS KERMIT:- Hello, everybody, and welcome to the Muppet Show.
0:26:14 > 0:26:15APPLAUSE
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Well done, Stu.
0:26:17 > 0:26:25At the end of that round, a gold star goes to Isaac's te-e-e-e-e-eam.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:28 > 0:26:32With much sadness, we get to the end of all the shenanigans.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36But who are today's number ones and who are today's...
0:26:36 > 0:26:38number twos?
0:26:38 > 0:26:40LAUGHTER
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Let's find out. Bring down the stars.
0:26:43 > 0:26:50- AUDIENCE:- Whoo-oo-oo-oo...
0:26:50 > 0:26:52The winners are...
0:26:52 > 0:26:57Kiera's te-e-e-e-e-e-eam!
0:26:57 > 0:27:00WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:00 > 0:27:04Well done, Kiera's team. You rule the universe.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Unfortunately, Isaac's team,
0:27:06 > 0:27:08it's time for you to have the dog eat your homework
0:27:08 > 0:27:10and you've got detention with Mr Smash.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13It's time to take the walk of shame.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15- # La-la-la-la-la-la- Losers!
0:27:15 > 0:27:17- # La-la-la-la-la-la- Losers!
0:27:17 > 0:27:19- # La-la-la-la-la-la- Losers!
0:27:19 > 0:27:21- # La-la-la-la-la-la- Losers!
0:27:21 > 0:27:22- # La-la-la-la-la-la- Losers!
0:27:23 > 0:27:25# Losers! #
0:27:26 > 0:27:28OK, guys, that's your lot.
0:27:28 > 0:27:32As always, we didn't learn much but it was fun trying.
0:27:32 > 0:27:37- See you next time on... AUDIENCE:- The Dog Ate My Homework.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Sees ya-a-a-a-a.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE