0:00:03 > 0:00:05CHEERING
0:00:10 > 0:00:13THEY SPEAK GIBBERISH
0:00:42 > 0:00:45APPLAUSE
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Yeah, whoa!
0:00:51 > 0:00:54HE IMITATES A MOTORBIKE: Ning-ning-ning.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Hello, welcome to the show.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10APPLAUSE
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Hello, everyone.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20My name's Iain Stirling, this is The Dog Ate My Homework.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23A cracker of a show that manages to teach you absolutely nothing.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24So let's meet the teams.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28On my right, a boy who recently lost his favourite dictionary.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32When I asked him how he felt, he said, "I can't find the words."
0:01:32 > 0:01:34It's Alfie, everyone.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Here, sir.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39And on Alfie's team, a man who didn't like school, there was
0:01:39 > 0:01:41too much sitting down.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44It's stand-UP comedian James Acaster.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Here, sir.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48James Acaster.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49James Acaster.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Also on Alfie's team, someone who is known for fronting
0:01:52 > 0:01:56the CBBC channel and I'm backing her for big success.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58It's CBBC's Lauren Layfield.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00APPLAUSE
0:02:00 > 0:02:05What a lovely lady. On my left, a girl who's got a fear of boats.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08I tried to reassure her, saying they don't sink often.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Usually, just the once. It's Sofina, everyone.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Here, sir.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14APPLAUSE
0:02:14 > 0:02:15And on Sofina's team
0:02:15 > 0:02:18is someone who starred in a toilet paper advert.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Since then, his career's gone down the pan.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23It's TV star Joe Swash.
0:02:23 > 0:02:24Here, sir.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27APPLAUSE
0:02:27 > 0:02:30And joining them, a man who has a finger on the pulse,
0:02:30 > 0:02:33an ear on the ground and a nose to the grindstone.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35He's also brilliant at Twister.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38- It's actor and comedian Dan Wright.- Here, sir.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40APPLAUSE
0:02:41 > 0:02:43OK, let's get on with the show.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Right. Here's how it works.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53I set the team a bunch of challenges in which they compete for gold
0:02:53 > 0:02:57- stars. In case you've never heard of a gold star before, Joe...- Yeah.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02..they're gold and they're shaped like stars. A bit like this one.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- AUDIENCE:- Oooh!
0:03:06 > 0:03:09But, beware, mess me about, any of that nonsense,
0:03:09 > 0:03:12and I'll bat...them away.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14- AUDIENCE:- Aww...
0:03:14 > 0:03:18Hey, I know I'm a bit harsh, but fair. My parents call it mousey.
0:03:18 > 0:03:23- Anyway, remember, it's Iain's school, so it's...- Iain's rules.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25At the end of the show, the winner will face global stardom,
0:03:25 > 0:03:28while the loser will face detention with a man who's stronger
0:03:28 > 0:03:31than a bionic elephant. It's Mr Smash.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Boo!
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Oh, look, Mr Smash is polishing his trophies. Lovely, mate.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42What's that one for?
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Oh, the hairiest chest competition. Very nice.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50HE GRUNTS
0:03:50 > 0:03:52LAUGHTER
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Oh!
0:04:02 > 0:04:05HE GIGGLES HYSTERICALLY
0:04:07 > 0:04:10CHEERING
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Let's get on with the show.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- This is Stick To The Point... - Stick To The Point.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24..a game which requires skill, speed of thought and a big stick.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27So let's bring down my stick of pointiness.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Right. It seems to be stuck.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Er, could everyone whistle it down, please? Whistle it down.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Let's see if that works. Come on. WHISTLING
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Yeah.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41No, no, that's not working. Let's try blowing.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Everyone try and blow it down. Blow it down.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47BLOWING
0:04:47 > 0:04:51No. All right. Stamp your feet. Let's all stamp your feet.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52Stamp your feet.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54STOMPING
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Come on.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Oh, it's working. Come on, it's coming. It's working.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Hey!
0:05:01 > 0:05:03APPLAUSE
0:05:03 > 0:05:04Good work, team.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07What's going to happen is I will give the teams a topic.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10When I point this stick at them, they have to give me an example.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12If they fail to answer or repeat an answer,
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I put them in the shush position.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Can I see your shush positions, please?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Very nice. OK, let's start.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Today's first topic is things that can fly.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- Things that can fly. Dan.- Bats.
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Yes, please. Alfie.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30- GEORDIE ACCENT:- Birds. - Say birds in your accent again.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Bih-rds.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34"Bih-rds." I like it. Sofina.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- Peter Pan.- Peter Pan, he can fly. James.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40- Helicopters. - Nice one. Dan.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42My dinner when I don't want it.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Don't want it, you deal with it.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- Lauren.- Er...tornadoes.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Do they...? JOE MUTTERS
0:05:51 > 0:05:53I'm just going to go over to the scientist Joe Swash.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- Joe.- Yeah, come on, Joe.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00- Tornadoes don't fly.- Of course they do.- No, they suck. And they twist.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02- Yeah, by flying.- No. They're attached to the ground.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05They're not attached to the ground.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Yeah. Comes from the ground.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Look, there's a child telling you you're wrong, Joe.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13- Sofina, do tornadoes fly? - It's debatable. Debatable.
0:06:13 > 0:06:14You're still in. Dan.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Bogeys.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Yeah.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Very good move. James.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- UFOs.- Yes, please, James. Joe.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28- A glider.- Yup. Lauren?- Seagulls.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Horrible things. Sofina.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- Ducks.- Yeah. Ducks fly? Yeah.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34Hold on a minute.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36You have a go at me about whether tornadoes fly
0:06:36 > 0:06:38and you don't know whether a duck flies?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40There's a type of bird that doesn't fly.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- Penguins.- Penguins.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47- That's not a duck, is it? - They look the same. Alfie.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- Couches when they get sucked up into tornadoes.- Yeah.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Oh, very Mary... Not Mary Poppins.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58What's the one with the yellow brick road?
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- Wizard Of Oz?- Wizard Of Oz. Mary Poppins, Wizard Of Oz.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Ducks, penguins.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05I'm always getting that mixed up. Dan?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- Hawks.- Hawks, I like it.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10- Lauren?- Wrens.- Yup.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- Joe?- I reckon a dart.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15- Alfie?- Erm...
0:07:15 > 0:07:18you know umbrellas when, like, it's really windy
0:07:18 > 0:07:21and you're just like holding it and it just goes "whoosh"?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Magical umbrellas. I'll give you that.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28- Sofina.- Broomsticks in Harry Potter. - Very good.- That's a good one.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31I'm going to give you a bonus gold star, I like that.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- Well done. James. - Hurricanes.- Yes.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36I mean, I've been proved wrong before,
0:07:36 > 0:07:40I'm not going to question it this time. Dan.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45When you jump off a pogo stick, off of a mountain, into the sea,
0:07:45 > 0:07:47you are flying through the air.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49That's called falling. I'm going to have to
0:07:49 > 0:07:53- put you in the shush position.- Ha! - OK, Lauren.- The moon.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- It don't fly either! - Of course it does.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59- It's just stuck there by gravity. - Er, it's in the air?
0:07:59 > 0:08:00It's not flying.
0:08:00 > 0:08:05To use the scientific term, it is stuck there by gravity.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07That's what all the scientists say.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10- I'm going to have to put you in the shush position.- Yes!- Joe.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11- Quidditch.- Quidditch?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Quidditch, what they used to play in Harry Potter.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16- Yeah, but that's the broomsticks. - They're flying, ain't they?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- No, they're not, it's a game.- A game where they fly.- Shush position!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21They fly in the game.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- She had tornado!- Shh!
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- Why are you sucking your finger like that?- Sorry.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- Just do that.- All right.- James.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35- A bathtub when it gets sucked up into a hurricane.- Yeah!
0:08:35 > 0:08:37It does. Sofina.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38Jumping.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42No, that's jumping. Shush position.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:08:44 > 0:08:46And that sound marks the end of the round
0:08:46 > 0:08:48and I can tell you the gold star goes to...
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Alfie's team.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53CHEERING
0:08:57 > 0:09:01- Now it's time for Pie The Supply. - Pie The Supply.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Everyone's favourite round, unless, of course,
0:09:03 > 0:09:05you're a supply teacher.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08We have a vacancy in religious studies and, in a moment,
0:09:08 > 0:09:11our teams will meet four people all claiming to be teachers,
0:09:11 > 0:09:13but only one of them is telling the truth.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15The question is, will our teams
0:09:15 > 0:09:19spy and pie the supply, or pie the guy who's telling a lie?
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Let's find out and let's bring on the teachers.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Boo!
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Boo.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Boo.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32- Yeah, boo!- Sssss!
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Boo! OK, so, guys.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38- School disco.- School disco!
0:09:38 > 0:09:41# If you like it then you should have put a ring on it
0:09:41 > 0:09:43# Uh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
0:09:43 > 0:09:45# Oh oh-oh oh
0:09:45 > 0:09:48# Uh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
0:09:48 > 0:09:50# Oh oh-oh oh
0:09:50 > 0:09:53# If you like it then you should have put a ring on it
0:09:53 > 0:09:55# If you like it then you should have put a ring on it
0:09:55 > 0:09:58# Don't be mad once you see that he want it
0:09:58 > 0:10:00# If you like it then you should have put a ring on it
0:10:00 > 0:10:03# Uh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
0:10:03 > 0:10:05# Oh oh-oh oh
0:10:05 > 0:10:08# Uh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
0:10:08 > 0:10:09# Oh oh-oh oh. #
0:10:09 > 0:10:12MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
0:10:14 > 0:10:17So, guys, before you make a decision
0:10:17 > 0:10:22and start to question our suspected teachers, let's read out their CVs.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26Here we go. Teacher number one is Miss McAvoy.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30She recently retired having taught for 33 years.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Her lessons were so good that one pupil once stuck his glue stick
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- on the roof.- Oooh!
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Teacher number two is Mr Warner, he's been a teacher for 15 years.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41He prides himself on being strict
0:10:41 > 0:10:45and once made the entire class stand for a whole lesson.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- Boo!- Boo.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Teacher number three is Mrs MacArthur.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52She's been a teacher for the past ten years.
0:10:52 > 0:10:53In her spare time,
0:10:53 > 0:10:56she takes part in a heavy-metal band called School's Out.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57Ooh!
0:10:57 > 0:11:01She's a rocker. Teacher number four is Mr Floronso.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04He's taught for the past five years.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Every year, he hosts Hogwarts Day where all his pupils come
0:11:07 > 0:11:11dressed as witches and wizards.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15- Ooh!- Oh, there you go, guys. One, two, three and four. Sofina's team.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Yeah.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19First impressions. Looking at them.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Who looks like they could be a teacher?
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Who looks like they might be an impostor? What are we thinking?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Number two definitely has a boring jumper on
0:11:27 > 0:11:28that a teacher would wear.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Number two, can you smile for us?
0:11:31 > 0:11:35- See, teachers can't smile. - He can't bring himself to do it.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Right, OK, Alfie's team, first impressions.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40You're looking at them, who looks like a teacher?
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Who doesn't look like a teacher? What are we thinking?
0:11:43 > 0:11:47- I'm terrified of number two.- Why? - Look at that stare.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50He looks a friendly farmer.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52But he's too much like a teacher.
0:11:52 > 0:11:57- Yeah.- Yes, you've found him and he looks exactly like a teacher,
0:11:57 > 0:11:59looks like a strict man.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01I think that's to try and lead us up the garden path,
0:12:01 > 0:12:02don't believe it at all.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04So who are you thinking, then, James?
0:12:04 > 0:12:09- I think either number four or number one.- Oh.- I'm thinking.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11The bookends.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Can I ask, sorry, out of all of yous lot,
0:12:14 > 0:12:16who owns a lot of corduroy trousers?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- Any corduroy trouser owners? - Anyone a fan of corduroy?
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Put your hand up if you own it.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24- JAMES:- That'd be me, Joe.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28- JOE:- You're the teacher. - JAMES:- It was me all along. Ha-ha!
0:12:28 > 0:12:31- JOE:- It's like an episode of Scooby-Doo.
0:12:31 > 0:12:36- I look like Shaggy. - Yeah, he does.- Green shirt.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39LAUGHTER
0:12:39 > 0:12:41"Zoinks, Scoob!"
0:12:41 > 0:12:44I'm going to give you a bonus gold star for looking like Shaggy.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46There you go.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47Right, Sofina's team.
0:12:47 > 0:12:52Number one and three, tell Joe off for talking way too loud,
0:12:52 > 0:12:54like extremely way too loud.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Like, you've told him off a couple of times, but this is it,
0:12:57 > 0:12:59like, you're fed up with him now.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Right, number one, Joe's talking too loud, on you go.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05I'm sorry, Joe, but I've asked you a few times now.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Now you're disrupting the rest of the class, I'm going
0:13:08 > 0:13:10to have to ask you to take some time out.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Miss, I'll definitely do detention with you.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- That was very professional. - Professional.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17OK, number three, Joe's talking.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Really get him told this time.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Joe, I want you to get out that door this minute.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24I've had enough with you. Into the back...bookcase.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26"Into the back bookcase"?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28LAUGHTER
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Do you know, I think number four looks too friendly.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Number four, tell Joe off for talking too loud.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35There you go, number four, tell Joe off for talking.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Joe, can you do a bit of talking now? Just a little bit.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41- Yeah, I was just going to say that I think...- Keep quiet.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43LAUGHTER
0:13:43 > 0:13:45LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Right, we've asked a lot of questions.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48Audience, what do you think?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50On the count of three, shout out who you think it is -
0:13:50 > 0:13:52one, two, three or four.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54- MAJORITY SHOUT:- Two!
0:13:56 > 0:13:58OK, shh-shh-shh.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01OK, it looks like the audience think it's number two.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04- JOE:- I've just clocked his elbows. I didn't see the elbow pads.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- He's got elbow pads!- Let me see your elbow pads.- Let's see them!
0:14:07 > 0:14:10AUDIENCE SHOUTS
0:14:10 > 0:14:11OK, it's decision time.
0:14:11 > 0:14:16Sofina and Alfie, who do you think is our real teacher? Sofina?
0:14:16 > 0:14:20- It's time for you to... - Pie the supply.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Off you go, Sofina. Here we go. Who is it?
0:14:23 > 0:14:25You're allowed to pie whoever you want.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Oooh!
0:14:34 > 0:14:37AUDIENCE SHOUTS
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- Iain said I can finish off the pie. - No, you asked.
0:14:41 > 0:14:42I don't want to be mean.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46AUDIENCE SHOUTS
0:14:54 > 0:14:57I mean, that's what you get for telling Joe to go in the bookcase.
0:14:59 > 0:15:06- OK, Alfie, Alfie. It's time for you to go over and...- Pie the supply.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Here we go, Alfie.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Ohhh!
0:15:14 > 0:15:16AUDIENCE SHOUTS
0:15:24 > 0:15:28- JOE:- Teacher number one, you've got a bit on your shoulder.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32Wait, wait, wait, please, please, please be two or three.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36OK, would the real teacher please step forward?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40SHOUTING
0:15:40 > 0:15:42APPLAUSE
0:15:44 > 0:15:50- Sofina, Sofina.- I feel bad. - Why did you pick number three?
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Erm, I thought because...
0:15:52 > 0:15:53I don't know now.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56She said she'd put Joe in the cupboard.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Because she was quite strict
0:15:58 > 0:16:02when she told you off and you have to be very firm.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Alfie, why number two?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Because of the elbow patches. - The elbow patches.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07They were, like, really convincing.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10- Did you wear them on purpose, number two?- Yes.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13- What do you actually do?- Chef. - A chef!
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Make something out of that pie, mate.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19OK, at the end of that round, none of you got that right,
0:16:19 > 0:16:22so none of you get a gold star, but well done to our teachers.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24APPLAUSE
0:16:28 > 0:16:32- This is The Last Word. - The Last Word.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Where being wrong is always right in this round.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37I ask both teams a series of questions.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Rather than giving me the answer to the question they're hearing,
0:16:40 > 0:16:43I want them to give me the answer to the previous question.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46The team that messes up the least will get a big shiny gold star.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50- Does everyone understand that? - Yes.- Yes, Iain.- I don't.
0:16:50 > 0:16:51So let's get on with it.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54And remember, you don't answer the first question.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- What don't you do, Joe? - Answer the first question.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00You shouldn't have answered that. See what I'm doing, here?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03OK, here we go. James, a princess normally marries a...?
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Oh, he's good. Oh, he's good.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11Dan, what does a tadpole become?
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- A prince.- Correct.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Joe, David Beckham is married to...
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- A frog.- He is.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Lauren, what do beavers build?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Erm, Victoria.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Posh Spice. Beckham.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32Yes, beavers build Victoria Beckham, correct.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36Sofina, name the show, Match Of The...
0:17:36 > 0:17:37- Erm...- (Dam, dam.)
0:17:39 > 0:17:42- Joe's whispering loudly. - And she can't hear it.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44No, can't get it, can't get it.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Generally nightmares occur during the what, James?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49- Day.- Correct.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Lauren, when you wake up, you normally say good...
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Day? Day? G'day?
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Good NIGHT.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Joe, the paperboy delivers...
0:18:00 > 0:18:01The morning.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05Correct. Dan, you see using your...
0:18:05 > 0:18:07- Papers.- Correct.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11- Alfie, windows are usually made from...- Eyes.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Windows are made from eyes.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16The eyes of the building.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18Laura, finish the song.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20# Diamonds are...
0:18:21 > 0:18:23# Glass. #
0:18:23 > 0:18:27- Correct. Dan, the Eiffel Tower is in what city?- Forever.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Correct. Joe, Humpty Dumpty sat on the...
0:18:30 > 0:18:32- Paris.- Correct.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36Alfie, the highest mountain in the world is Mount...
0:18:36 > 0:18:38- Wall.- Correct.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42- Sofina, Humpty Dumpty had a great... - Everest.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43Correct.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Sorry, what was that? "Humpty Dumpty had a good..."? Yup, all right.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Are you writing these down?
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- LAUREN:- You swat, you nerd!
0:18:52 > 0:18:54I'm doodling.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- That couldn't be more subtle. - You are! Cheater.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59You didn't say we couldn't do that.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01James, Scousers come from...
0:19:01 > 0:19:03- Fall.- Correct.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- Dan, the film Free Willy is about... - Liverpool.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07Correct.
0:19:07 > 0:19:12- Lauren, poodles, Dalmatians and spaniels are all types of...- Whales.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Correct. Joe, rock, paper...
0:19:15 > 0:19:16Dog.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21- Give me that. Give me that. Give me that.- That's not fair.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27That was not called for, Iain.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- Hey, it's Iain's school, so it's my rules.- Hey!
0:19:30 > 0:19:35- Joe?- Yes.- The sport curling takes place on...- The dog.- No!
0:19:35 > 0:19:40- You just pulled stuff out my book. - I know. Use your brain.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44Joe, generally in a race, medals are awarded bronze, silver or...
0:19:45 > 0:19:48I've forgotten the first one.
0:19:48 > 0:19:53- Joe?- Yeah.- Lewis Hamilton is known for...- Gold.- Yes!
0:19:55 > 0:19:59- James, Rio De Janeiro is in what country?- Motorcar racing.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Correct. Lauren, Madrid is the capital of...
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Er...
0:20:04 > 0:20:05Do you want me to tell you?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07- Joe, let's see.- Brazil.
0:20:07 > 0:20:08Don't tell her the answer!
0:20:08 > 0:20:10- What are you doing, Joe? - LAUREN:- Brazil.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13- She's not on your team. She's going to get the point now.- Thanks, Joe.
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Sorry.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16- She sells sea...- Spain.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Yes.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22- Joe, there are 100 what in a pound? - On the seashore.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- On the seashore. - No, she sells sea...
0:20:27 > 0:20:28Shells?
0:20:28 > 0:20:31That's... I can't give you it, though, I can't give you it.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35James, the tooth fairy takes what from under your pillow?
0:20:35 > 0:20:37I wasn't listening.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40I wasn't listening, I was laughing because I was getting ready for Joe
0:20:40 > 0:20:44to say a tongue twister and I didn't listen to what the question was.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45Guess.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47- Trombone.- No.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49It would have been so good if that was right.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Sofina, you eat food using a knife and...
0:20:53 > 0:20:54Oh, I forgot.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57- Oh, no, it's gone off the rails! - Erm, homework.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01No. Lauren, apples, oranges and plums are types of...
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- Eggs?- No!
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Listen to what I'm saying!
0:21:06 > 0:21:08You don't eat with knife and eggs!
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Dan, Paddington Bear loves to eat what?
0:21:11 > 0:21:13- Fence?- What?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15I forgot, I didn't... I forgot we were playing a game.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17James, what is the first meal of the day called?
0:21:17 > 0:21:21- Marmalade sandwiches.- Finally!
0:21:21 > 0:21:23SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Bonus gold star for James for finally getting it right.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27OK, that is time up.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30At the end of that round, I can tell you the gold star goes to...
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Alfie's team. CHEERING
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Now, you may have noticed that we do things a little bit
0:21:42 > 0:21:44differently on this show.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47At school, you're expected to do maths in a maths class.
0:21:47 > 0:21:52Here, however, you're expected to do maths in your underscads.
0:21:52 > 0:21:57- Yes, it's time for Smarty-pants... - Smarty-pants.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01..where our teams have to answer a series of basic maths questions.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Once they've got their answer,
0:22:02 > 0:22:05they fill up an old pair of underscads...
0:22:10 > 0:22:13..like these, with a number of foamy coloured things,
0:22:13 > 0:22:15to give them their technical name.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18The team with the right number at the end of the game are the winners.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20So, captains,
0:22:20 > 0:22:24who would you like to fill their pants? With the numerical answers,
0:22:24 > 0:22:26obviously. Alfie, who are you thinking?
0:22:26 > 0:22:30Lauren or James? Who would looks the best in the big pants?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34- I'm going to go for Lauren.- Lauren.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37There you go, Lauren. Come and get your pants on.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39APPLAUSE
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- OK, and Sofina. Joe and Dan.- Er...
0:22:42 > 0:22:44- It's got to be Joe, hasn't it? - It's got to be Dan.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46- Joe or Dan?- Joe.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47- Joe.- Come on, Joe.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Come and get your great big pants, mate.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52APPLAUSE
0:22:52 > 0:22:57OK, you get those on and let's play Smarty-pants.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00APPLAUSE
0:23:04 > 0:23:09- Guys, you look great. Lauren, how do you feel?- Really like a big baby.
0:23:09 > 0:23:14- Lovely. Joe, how do you feel?- I feel quite comfortable, actually.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17They suit you. They'll be filled up with smarty-pants in a minute.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Your time starts when I ask you the first question.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24Guys, here we go. How many wonders of the ancient world are there?
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Go, guys, go.
0:23:29 > 0:23:30Ten!
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Tell them how many. Go, go, go, go.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Hurry up, Lauren, you're behind.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40- AUDIENCE CHANTS:- Lauren, Lauren, Lauren!
0:23:40 > 0:23:41Go, Lauren.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Hit the buzzer, the buzzer.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50The word "duo" refers to how many people?
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Two, get two!
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Quick, quick, quick.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Two!
0:23:55 > 0:23:59Go, go, go.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Lauren, get up there.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03It's pandemonium.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Two!
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Buzzer, buzzer, buzzer.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13How many in a baker's dozen? A baker's dozen.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20- Quick!- Is that six?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30You're miles behind! Get them in your pants.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33You've not got enough, Lauren.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Lauren, you've not got enough.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Lauren! BUZZER
0:24:39 > 0:24:42How many Harry Potter films have there been?
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Seven, seven! No, eight!
0:24:45 > 0:24:46There's part one and two.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Eight!
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Lauren, get the discs.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57You'll need loads more, you're about ten behind.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Get them in your pants.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Carry more.
0:25:03 > 0:25:04Oh!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06SCHOOL BELL RINGS Time up, time up.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08CHEERING
0:25:11 > 0:25:13- Joe Swash.- Yeah.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15How do you feel?
0:25:15 > 0:25:17I feel like I might have too many in me bucket.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19- Do you think so?- Yeah. - Well, let's find out.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21How many wonders of the ancient world are there?
0:25:21 > 0:25:24See, I know there's seven wonders of the world, but it's not ancient,
0:25:24 > 0:25:26- is it?- It is seven. It's seven. - Yes!
0:25:26 > 0:25:29- How many in a duo? Two.- Two.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31A baker's dozen is 13.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34And Harry Potter films, there's eight. So that's 30.
0:25:34 > 0:25:35You need 30.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Let me get these other two in that I dropped out.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40- No, you can't have that. - Should I let him put them in?
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Yeah!
0:25:44 > 0:25:46No!
0:25:48 > 0:25:52Wait, wait. I'm going to give you them. Here we go, one, two,
0:25:52 > 0:25:55three, four, five...
0:25:57 > 0:26:01- ..19, 20, 21. - That's close, isn't it?
0:26:01 > 0:26:06- Just as well I gave you those extra two.- Cheers, mate.- Right, 21.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08- OK, Lauren.- Oh!
0:26:08 > 0:26:12Lauren, if you're closer to 30, you steal the gold star.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16- Come on 22. - Are you feeling confident?- No!
0:26:16 > 0:26:18OK, one, two, three...
0:26:21 > 0:26:24..18, 19.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27CHEERING
0:26:29 > 0:26:33Which means the gold star goes to Sofina's team.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40And that's your lot this week.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42It's time to reveal the winners and losers.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44So let's bring down the stars.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Ooh!
0:26:50 > 0:26:52The winners are...
0:26:53 > 0:26:55..Alfie's team.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58CHEERING
0:27:01 > 0:27:05Alfie's team, you have won. Sofina's team, you kind of haven't.
0:27:05 > 0:27:10So, Sofina's team, you get to make the walk of shame. Off you go.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12- # Na-na-na na-na-na - Losers
0:27:12 > 0:27:14- # Na-na-na na-na-na - Losers
0:27:14 > 0:27:16- # Na-na-na na-na-na - Losers
0:27:16 > 0:27:18- # Na-na-na na-na-na - Losers
0:27:18 > 0:27:21- # Na-na-na na-na-na - Losers
0:27:21 > 0:27:23# Losers. #
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Yes. Those guys have got detention with Mr Smash
0:27:26 > 0:27:28and the dog will be eating their homework.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30As ever, guys, we didn't learn much, but it was fun trying.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33See you all next time on...
0:27:33 > 0:27:36The Dog Ate My Homework.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38See ya!
0:27:40 > 0:27:43CHEERING
0:27:43 > 0:27:45APPLAUSE
0:27:47 > 0:27:50AUDIENCE CLAPS TO CLOSING MUSIC
0:27:57 > 0:28:01CHEERING