0:00:11 > 0:00:14THEY BLABBER
0:00:46 > 0:00:49CHEERING
0:00:50 > 0:00:52THEY GRUNT REPETITIVELY
0:00:54 > 0:00:56- BOTH:- Argh!
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Hello!
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Welcome to the show.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Hello, I am Iain Stirling and this is The Dog Ate My Homework -
0:01:10 > 0:01:13everything you wanted to know about school but were afraid to ask.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Like, what do teachers get up to in the staffroom?
0:01:16 > 0:01:19And being asked those questions, a panel so intelligent
0:01:19 > 0:01:23we've had to apply special make-up to make them look more stupid.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27I think we've overdone it a little bit.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29OK, let's take the register.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33On my right, a boy who says he absolutely loves mathematics
0:01:33 > 0:01:36and loves lying about how much he loves mathematics.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38It's Ki'Juan, everybody!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Here, sir. Whoo!
0:01:40 > 0:01:44And joining Ki'Juan is someone who got lots of Cs in class.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47He got, "See me after school," and, "See you in detention,"
0:01:47 > 0:01:51and, "See you, you wee dafty, get back here!"
0:01:51 > 0:01:53It's stand-up comedian Phil Wang.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Hello, Mr Stirling.
0:01:55 > 0:01:59And someone who just loves baking, has a tendency to go on
0:01:59 > 0:02:01about her lemon drivel cake.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- It's DNN star, Victoria Cook. - Here, sir!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Give it up for Ki'Juan's team, everybody.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13And on my left is a master of long division.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16It's actually normal division, it just takes her ages. It's Grace.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Here, sir.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20And on Grace's team is someone who's
0:02:20 > 0:02:23funnier than a geography teacher's dress sense.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25From the CBBC office, it's Lauren Layfield.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Yes, sir.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31And joining Grace is someone whose brain is so full
0:02:31 > 0:02:34that sometimes it dribbles out of his nose with little green
0:02:34 > 0:02:36nuggets of information.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39And if you think I'm lying, that's snot true.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43- Give it up for Mawaan Rizwan, everybody.- Here, sir!
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- Whoo!- Give it up for our teams.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51OK, let's get on with the show, everybody.
0:02:56 > 0:03:02The teams are going to battle it out in pursuit of these gold stars.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:03:05 > 0:03:08But being clever and stuff isn't the only way to bag a star.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11I also like funny jokes, witty asides and peanut butter sandwiches.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Provide me with any of those and you could earn a bonus star.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18But beware, I don't like bad bads, backchat or ballyhoo.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22And if you have any of that, I will make those stars disappear.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Oh!
0:03:25 > 0:03:29Eh! I can do what I want because it's Iain's school so it's...
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Iain's rules!
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Who's got bellows and a catchphrase?
0:03:34 > 0:03:36This guy!
0:03:36 > 0:03:39At the end of the day, the team with the most stars wins
0:03:39 > 0:03:42and the losers suffer a fate worse than double physics.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Yep, it's detention with Mr Smash.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49And is it me or has someone got a hot date this evening?
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Ha-ha-ha!
0:03:55 > 0:03:58COLOGNE FIZZES
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Eugh! Eugh!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Pleugh!
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Argh! Eugh!
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Argh! Argh!
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- HE SNIFFS - Mmm!
0:04:25 > 0:04:28LAUGHTER
0:04:29 > 0:04:35He gets weirder every time. Guys, let's get on with the first round.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Let's start with history. This is Lost Words.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- 'Lost Words.'- Thank you.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Our teams have to decipher which words were removed
0:04:51 > 0:04:54from a collection of fascinating facts.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Like, did you know some butterflies have ears on their wings,
0:04:57 > 0:04:58slugs have four noses
0:04:58 > 0:05:01and it's up bad idea to eat broccoli soup
0:05:01 > 0:05:02before filming a TV show?
0:05:02 > 0:05:05HE FARTS
0:05:07 > 0:05:09HE FARTS AGAIN Oh!
0:05:09 > 0:05:13I wasn't expecting that last one. Disgusting, disgusting.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15So, both teams, it's fingers on buzzers.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Grace, can I hear your buzzer? HORN TOOTS
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Ki'Juan, can I hear yours? BELL DINGS
0:05:20 > 0:05:23OK, our first fact is...
0:05:23 > 0:05:28Mr Chicken was the last known private resident of BLANK.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- Grace.- Old McDonald's farm.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32What happened to Mr Chicken?
0:05:34 > 0:05:38- Well...- He tastes delicious.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Anyone else?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Cluckingham Palace.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Oh!
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- Cluckingham Palace. - Oh, I've got one, I've got one.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50I'm going to give you a bonus gold star, Phil, for that.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52- Thank you, sir.- You're welcome.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- HORN TOOTS Yes, Mawaan.- It's not working.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- If you like that, you'll love this. Cluxembourg.- Ooh!
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- Oh, come on!- That wasn't as good.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Come on, it took me, like, a whole 30 seconds to think of that.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07- Oh, oh!- Victoria.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10The last known resident of Eggland.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14- Hey?- I mean, right, can we please stop butchering chickens
0:06:14 > 0:06:15and the English language now.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Both of those. Any more? Any more?
0:06:19 > 0:06:21HORN TOOTS Yes?
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Birmingham.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25- Just Birmingham.- It could be. - Just Birmingham.- Could be.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27I'll give you the answer?
0:06:27 > 0:06:31Mr Chicken was the last known private resident of
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Number 10 Downing Street.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36I was actually... My first guess was going to be the White House
0:06:36 > 0:06:38and then it was going to be 10 Downing Street.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40But you didn't say it.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43This isn't how the game works. You can't think of a thing.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46You see, I was going to say that so I think we should get the points.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Well, you didn't so you're not.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- OK, next one.- It was worth a try.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54In ancient Egypt, servants were smeared with BLANK to attract
0:06:54 > 0:06:56BLANK away from the Pharaoh.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Grace.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02In ancient Egypt, servants were smeared with gravy to attract
0:07:02 > 0:07:04dogs away from the Pharaoh.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05You're not miles away, you know?
0:07:05 > 0:07:09I do like the idea of a dog chasing a man covered in gravy.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Victoria.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16In ancient Egypt, servants were smeared with hair care products
0:07:16 > 0:07:20to keep Harry Styles away from the Pharaoh.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Harry Styles is always after that Pharaoh.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25HORN TOOTS Yes, Grace.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28In ancient Egypt, servants were smeared with honey to attract
0:07:28 > 0:07:29bees away from the Pharaoh.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Ooh! You're right with honey.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- Oh!- People are covered in honey.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35I know! Phil.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38- HORN TOOTS - That was us!
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Stop it!
0:07:40 > 0:07:43In ancient Egypt, servants were smeared with honey to attract
0:07:43 > 0:07:47Winnie the Pooh away from the Pharaoh.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Thank you for the gold stars, sir.
0:07:54 > 0:07:55HORN TOOTS Grace.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58She was doing it for me and I've forgotten my answer...
0:07:58 > 0:08:00but I'm going to say bears.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Oh! Smaller. They're insects.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- PHIL AND MAWAAN:- Small bears.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06Small bears!
0:08:07 > 0:08:11- Same wavelength.- Small bears, AKA Winnie the Pooh.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16- Right, come on. Insects. - Ooh, flies.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17Correct, well done!
0:08:17 > 0:08:19THEY CHEER
0:08:19 > 0:08:23In ancient Egypt, servants were smeared with honey to attract
0:08:23 > 0:08:25flies away from the Pharaoh.
0:08:25 > 0:08:30Next one. Some Victorians used BLANK to clean their chimney.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- Lauren.- Mawaan's hair.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Especially now that he's got a little mohawk on the go.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- Shove it up there.- What do you mean?
0:08:38 > 0:08:40- What do you mean? - Bang Mawaan on a little stick.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Chuck him up there.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45- It's actually really well conditioned...- Can I feel it?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Yeah, go on. But don't mess it up, please, it took ages.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50That would definitely get soot out of a chimney.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53- Definitely.- So it's not Mawaan. It's not Mawaan.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55BELL DINGS Ki'Juan.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Pigeon...feathers.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01- Specifically.- "Pigeon...feathers."
0:09:01 > 0:09:02- What, like on the brush?- Yes.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06It's not what I've got. I like it, though. In the ballpark. Phil.
0:09:06 > 0:09:11Some Victorians used Santa Claus covered in soap
0:09:11 > 0:09:15and so when he gives the presents he'd give the chimney a good clean
0:09:15 > 0:09:16on the way down.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19The chimney is only ever cleaned once a year.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22And actually, Santa Claus has got a mohawk as well. A little fact.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24- Mawaan.- Yeah, I think this is a trick question.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27I think there's not a word there, you're just trying to tell us
0:09:27 > 0:09:29that some Victorians used to clean their chimneys.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- Oh!- Oh!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- Not bad that.- Dick Van Dyck.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36LAUGHTER
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Tiny mice wearing tutus.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44- I'm going to give you a gold star if you say tutus again.- Tutus.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48- Gold star to Ki'Juan's team. - No way!
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- What?!- It's a bird. It's a type of bird.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- Can I have a good star if I say to tutus?- No.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57No, dodos were extinct, wait.
0:09:57 > 0:10:02That's why they're gone. Victorians kept chucking them up the chimney.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05"Where are all the dodos?" "They're in my fireplace."
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Santa Claus has got three in his sack. It's a nightmare.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- Type of animal.- Was it Mr Chicken?
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Yes! Mr Chicken's up there.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- Right, I'm going to give you the answer. No-one got it.- No.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23Some Victorians used geese to clean their chimneys.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25- What?- Why geese?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27And it says here in my notes, children at home,
0:10:27 > 0:10:29that is something that you shouldn't do now.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34So if you own a geese and a chimney...
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- A geese?- If you own a geese...
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- Geese!- A goose.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41- A goose. - That's actually my accent, guys.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43I find that quite offensive.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47There's a 'meese' 'leese' about this 'heese!'
0:10:49 > 0:10:51That's how I talk! I find that really offensive.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Right, that is the end of the round.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58And the winners - they are getting themselves a gold star -
0:10:58 > 0:11:00are Ki'Juan's team!
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Time now for Pie The Supply.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12'Pie The Supply.'
0:11:12 > 0:11:16And today one of our maths teachers has taken ill.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18They haven't really, this whole thing's made up.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19We've not even got any teachers.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22I just want to pie a teacher in the face.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25In a second, we will meet four teachers all up
0:11:25 > 0:11:27from the non-existent job.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Our teams then have to try and pick who the real supply teacher is.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33So let's meet the teachers.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37- AUDIENCE:- Boo!
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Boo!
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Today it's maths teachers. They all look like evil maths teachers!
0:11:45 > 0:11:50Let's have a little listen for the team captains to our teachers' CVs.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Teacher number one is Mr Drummond.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54He's been teaching maths for four years.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57He once walked by a pupil and farted.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Everyone heard but he blamed it on the child.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04You disgusting man.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Teacher number two is Miss Morris who has been teaching for two years.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11As a hobby, she collects American baseball cards.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13- Ooh!- Ooh!
0:12:13 > 0:12:17Teacher number three is Mr Douglas. He has been teaching for 18 years.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20He's in a punk band called Square Roots.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Teacher number four is Miss Graham. She's been teaching for ten years.
0:12:25 > 0:12:30In her spare time, she likes to complete difficult sudokus.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32There's the teachers, everybody.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36- Boo!- Boo, the teachers. Boo!
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Grace's team. First impressions.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Who looks like a teacher?
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Who's got that glint in their eye that says,
0:12:43 > 0:12:45"I hate children so much"?
0:12:45 > 0:12:48We were just saying, number two, we really don't want to pie her
0:12:48 > 0:12:52because she looks nice and she's got hair like a pony.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- Oh, thank you. - No, I didn't say that.- I did.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59If you meet Lauren more, you'll know that is actually a really kind
0:12:59 > 0:13:00and normal thing.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03In her head, that's a really nice thing to say.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Like a pony going through the wind next to the beach.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08- You like number two.- Yeah.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10I feel like number four looks like a teacher
0:13:10 > 0:13:12but I don't want to pie her in the face.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Because she's got hair like an antelope!
0:13:15 > 0:13:18I feel like if she is a teacher, I'd probably get into quite a lot
0:13:18 > 0:13:20of trouble for pie-ing her in the face
0:13:20 > 0:13:21and you look really nice as well.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- You're thinking about this too practically.- I know!
0:13:24 > 0:13:25- You've got to be mean. - Mawaan, watch.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27He'll show you. Mawaan, what do you think?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Number one, I'm not having it.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33Clearly you're the teacher. And also, who clips their tie?
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- That is so 2001, mate.- I know. What is it with the tie clip?
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Also, your tie looks like
0:13:38 > 0:13:40my grandmother's wallpaper a little bit.
0:13:40 > 0:13:45It's very glittery, number one. He's got a glittery tie.
0:13:45 > 0:13:50And he did a bottom whoopsie and blamed it on a kid!
0:13:50 > 0:13:52You have no shame.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54What about Ki'Juan's team? First impressions.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Who looks like teachers, who looks like they're not teachers?
0:13:57 > 0:13:58What are we thinking here?
0:13:58 > 0:14:02Well, I think number three looks like he might have
0:14:02 > 0:14:04crumbs down his top.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07And all teachers have biscuits down their tops, don't they,
0:14:07 > 0:14:08so that could be a sign.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11All right, OK. Have you got any questions for them?
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Maths-based I would go with but...
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Who knows the answer to 6 squared?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19- 36.- Ooh!
0:14:19 > 0:14:22I mean, you're going to regret that answer so quick
0:14:22 > 0:14:23once you've got pie in your face.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Number one, I've got a question.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Can I go to the toilet, sir?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Yes.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33- Oh, he's messed up! - He's not the teacher.- No way!
0:14:33 > 0:14:35I feel like you're an office worker.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Yeah.
0:14:38 > 0:14:43Right, Ki'Juan's team. Any questions for our budding teachers?
0:14:43 > 0:14:45All right, all right.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49If you saw us in the corridor, right, and I was going like this...
0:14:49 > 0:14:53Eerr! Eerr!
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- ..what would you say? - Number two.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58No running in the corridors, you might slip.
0:14:58 > 0:14:59Number four.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Victoria, do you need the bathroom?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03LAUGHTER
0:15:03 > 0:15:05That's just how I run.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08- Number three. - Are you all right? Can I help you?
0:15:08 > 0:15:13You're the kindest man I've ever met. And number one?
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Victoria, don't fall again.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17You might rip another hole in those jeans.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20LAUGHTER
0:15:23 > 0:15:25A gold star to number one!
0:15:25 > 0:15:30This is fashion, number one. This is fashion!
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Schoolteachers don't do fashion.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35Victoria, don't worry, revenge will be sweet.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41Right, audience, this is up to you now.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Who do you think the supply teacher is?
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Please make your voices loud and proud on the count of three.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48One, two, three, who's the teacher?
0:15:48 > 0:15:52AUDIENCE SHOUT OUT
0:15:54 > 0:15:57OK, OK, calm down, everyone.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Guys, be quiet, please. It's your own time you're wasting.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Hey!
0:16:02 > 0:16:06Grace, please come over here now. It is time to...
0:16:06 > 0:16:08'Pie The Supply.'
0:16:08 > 0:16:11- Up you come. Up you come, Grace. - Do whoever you think.
0:16:11 > 0:16:16- Go, Grace.- Do whoever you think?! - Yeah.- That looks awesome.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18- There you go. - Don't get it wrong, Grace.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20- On you go, Gracey. - Don't doubt yourself now.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24- I just want to apologise in advance. - Don't apologise, pie.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30I'm scared...for you guys. I don't want to!
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Who's it going to be?
0:16:34 > 0:16:35- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:16:36 > 0:16:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Whoo!
0:16:45 > 0:16:47You will never answer the question
0:16:47 > 0:16:50six cubed ever again in your entire life.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54Ki'Juan, please make your way over here. It is time to...
0:16:54 > 0:16:56'Pie The Supply.'
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- OK, there you go, mate.- OK.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02OK. Who's it going to be?
0:17:02 > 0:17:05- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:17:17 > 0:17:19It's an absolute handful.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26Now we are about to find out whether we have pied a supply teacher
0:17:26 > 0:17:30or Grace and Ki'Juan have just attacked an innocent civilian.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Will the real supply teacher... Please be one or four.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38Will the real supply teacher please step forward?
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Yes!
0:17:43 > 0:17:47Well done. In that case, the gold star goes to Grace's team.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Time now for a bit of career advice. It's Who Do You Think You Are?
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Now, our celebrities are certainly famous
0:18:01 > 0:18:03but they're not exactly A-list.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06They're more on the, "Who's that again?" list.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07But we're going to change all that.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10We'll ask one member of each team to stick their mush
0:18:10 > 0:18:12in The Hole Of Fame!
0:18:12 > 0:18:14'The Hole Of Fame.'
0:18:14 > 0:18:17We then project a body of a slightly more famous celebrity
0:18:17 > 0:18:20onto our own celebrity and they have to guess who they are
0:18:20 > 0:18:23by asking yes-no questions.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28Victoria, it's now time for you to put your head in The Hole Of Fame.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30'The Hole Of Fame.'
0:18:31 > 0:18:33There you go. How do you feel?
0:18:33 > 0:18:37I quite like it actually, Iain, aye. It's good. It's good.
0:18:37 > 0:18:42OK, Victoria, it's time to make you famous. Slam!
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Oh, Victoria, you're going to have
0:18:46 > 0:18:48to look a little bit more fierce than that.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54HE LAUGHS
0:18:57 > 0:19:00You look great. You look great. You can ask some questions.
0:19:00 > 0:19:01You're a famous person.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Right, am I a lion?
0:19:05 > 0:19:06No. No.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08I mean, you are fierce like a lion.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12- Fierce, yes. OK. Am I a woman?- Yes.
0:19:12 > 0:19:18I'm a woman. A fierce woman. Have I got long hair?
0:19:18 > 0:19:22- How does that help you? - I don't know!- Yes.
0:19:22 > 0:19:28- Think about the profession.- OK. Am I a singer?- Yes.- Yes.- OK.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Oh, right, if I wiggled me hand around and went...
0:19:31 > 0:19:36SHE HUMS CRAZY IN LOVE
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- That would be appropriate, yes. - Right, OK.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43- Do I need to put a ring on it? - Yes, you do, very much.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Am I Beyonce?
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Yay!
0:19:49 > 0:19:53You got it very, very quickly. Right, well done, Victoria.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55It's now over to Grace's team.
0:19:55 > 0:20:00Mawaan, it's time for you to assume the position in The Hole Of Fame!
0:20:00 > 0:20:02'The Hole Of Fame.'
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Get your head in the hole, Mawaan.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06It's time to make you famous.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10LAUGHTER Good luck!
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Oh, yes.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Yes.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21- That's really unnerving. - I don't like it.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24That's like many dreams I've had.
0:20:26 > 0:20:27Stop it, Iain, you're making me blush.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30No, you're making ME blush.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33He's such a flirt.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Oh, Mawaan. OK, yes-no questions.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40I mean, you're a pretty big celebrity, mate,
0:20:40 > 0:20:42I don't mind telling you.
0:20:42 > 0:20:48- Am I a woman?- No.- Am I a man? - Yes.- 100%, yes.- Great.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Am I a singer?
0:20:52 > 0:20:54- You could be.- Could be?!
0:20:54 > 0:20:57- If you put your mind to it you could be, yes.- What?!
0:20:57 > 0:21:01- Guys, I'm not talking, like, side jobs here. Like, my main job.- No.
0:21:01 > 0:21:06- Not your main job. You're better than it.- Yeah, too good for it.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08- Am I on TV are a lot?- Oh, every...
0:21:08 > 0:21:13You say a lot but occasionally getting less and less
0:21:13 > 0:21:15as the years go by.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18OK, so I'm not a singer...
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Am I an actor?
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- Yes.- No.- No.- No, he's not.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- Am I a presenter?- Yes.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Am I a reality TV star?
0:21:28 > 0:21:31- No.- No.- What do I do?
0:21:31 > 0:21:33LAUGHTER
0:21:33 > 0:21:36What do you do? That is the question.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Maybe concentrate on the awards you've won for presenting.- Oh.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43Yeah like, BAFTAs. Ask if you've been nominated for any BAFTAs.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47- Have I been nominated for any BAFTAs?- Two. Two.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49You've been nominated for two BAFTAs.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- Do I love myself more than people love me?- Yes.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Do I bring guests on my show
0:22:02 > 0:22:05and then take the mick out of their hair?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07- Yeah, constantly.- Constantly.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09- Am I Iain Sterling?- Yes!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14OK, then.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17The winners are Ki'Juan's team!
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Yay!
0:22:25 > 0:22:30Now for the geography lesson. This is Globe Hoppers.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31'Globe Hoppers.'
0:22:31 > 0:22:35We ask questions about this planet that we all live on.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38So, teams, I'll call out clues to different countries
0:22:38 > 0:22:39dotted around the world.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42All you have to do is grab the right country name from the globe
0:22:42 > 0:22:44and bring it back to me.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47The one that answers the most right answers at the end wins.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Oh, and you'll be on space hoppers.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Why? Because it's Iain's school so it's...
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- ALL:- Iain's rules!
0:22:54 > 0:22:58OK, Grace, who are you picking for you on your team?
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- Lauren.- Lauren. Nice one.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04- And, Ki'Juan, who's going for you? - Phil.- Nice one.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Well, guys, let's go global.
0:23:10 > 0:23:15Guys, you're looking pretty good. Are you feeling ready to go, Phil?
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Yep. I am, like this, pumped.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22OK, your time starts when I ask the first question.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26We are looking for a small flightless bird called a kiwi,
0:23:26 > 0:23:28is native to which country?
0:23:28 > 0:23:29Three, two, one, hop it!
0:23:35 > 0:23:36Get up.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40SHE SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY
0:23:41 > 0:23:43It's wrong. BUZZER
0:23:43 > 0:23:44Go again.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Come on, come on.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02New Zealand!
0:24:04 > 0:24:08This country is famous for around 400 different types of cheese,
0:24:08 > 0:24:11including Camembert and Brie.
0:24:11 > 0:24:12Go! Hop it!
0:24:28 > 0:24:30- Yes!- No.- Argh!
0:24:32 > 0:24:33Give it here.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37France! Got it.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Yeah!
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Are you going to buy a space hopper when you get home?
0:24:41 > 0:24:43No, I'm going to die of exhaustion.
0:24:43 > 0:24:49OK, this country uses 45 billion sets of chopsticks every year.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52It's here, it's here! It's here.
0:24:54 > 0:24:55- Quick.- Get it.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05He's chasing me.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07China. Yes!
0:25:08 > 0:25:12- And finally, home of...- Whoa, whoa! Get back to the starting line.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14All right, guys.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18Finally, home of haggis and the greatest country in the world.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Scotland. AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:25:32 > 0:25:34SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:25:35 > 0:25:37That is time up.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39- Lauren, how are you feeling? - Exhausted.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41- Phil, how are you feeling? - Top of the world.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Well, I can tell you at the end of that round the winners
0:25:47 > 0:25:50and there by getting their team a gold star is...
0:25:50 > 0:25:53- Lauren for Grace's team.- Yes!
0:26:01 > 0:26:02And that is the end of the show.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05All we have to do now is tot up the scores.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08So please bring down the stars.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:26:15 > 0:26:17And the winners are...
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Ki'Juan's team!
0:26:23 > 0:26:26High fives all round, guys.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Unlucky, Grace's team.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31That means you've got detention with Mr Smash
0:26:31 > 0:26:33and it's time for the dog to eat your homework.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36So, guys, please take the walk of shame.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38- # La-la-la-la-la - Losers!
0:26:38 > 0:26:40# La-la-la-la-la
0:26:40 > 0:26:41Losers!
0:26:41 > 0:26:42- # La-la-la-la-la - Losers!
0:26:42 > 0:26:43# La-la-la-la-la
0:26:43 > 0:26:44Losers!
0:26:44 > 0:26:46- # La-la-la-la-la. # - Losers!
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Losers!
0:26:48 > 0:26:50That's all we've got time for.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Do you know what, we didn't learn much but it was sure was fun trying.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55See you all next time on...
0:26:55 > 0:26:59- ALL:- The Dog Ate My Homework.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01See you!