0:00:02 > 0:00:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:05 > 0:00:07DOG PANTS
0:00:09 > 0:00:11BELL RINGS
0:00:11 > 0:00:14GARBLED SPEECH
0:00:15 > 0:00:18PTERODACTYL SCREECHES
0:00:19 > 0:00:21SHARK SNAPS
0:00:21 > 0:00:23WHISTLING
0:00:25 > 0:00:28DRAGON ROARS
0:00:28 > 0:00:30BLEEPING
0:00:32 > 0:00:34OCTOPUS ROARS
0:00:36 > 0:00:38DOG MUNCHES
0:00:38 > 0:00:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Hola, amigos!
0:00:51 > 0:00:54I'm Iain Stirling, and welcome to The Dog Ate My Homework
0:00:54 > 0:00:56that was just a normal game show
0:00:56 > 0:00:59until I sprinkled a little bit of presenter magic.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02TINKLING
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Actually, it's just Mr Smash's dandruff.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09But if you don't tell anyone, I won't either,
0:01:09 > 0:01:11so let's take the register.
0:01:11 > 0:01:12On my right,
0:01:12 > 0:01:14a boy whose school motto was
0:01:14 > 0:01:16"Do not ever copy someone else's work."
0:01:16 > 0:01:20Oddly, that's the exact same motto as the school's next door.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22It's Suleman, everybody.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24- Here, sir! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:24 > 0:01:26And on Suleman's team,
0:01:26 > 0:01:30a man who's been making people laugh since the day he was born.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Seriously, have you seen his baby photos? He looked hilarious.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34It's Marlon Davis.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Yes, sir.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38And finally on Suleman's team,
0:01:38 > 0:01:41a woman who at school was the standout pupil,
0:01:41 > 0:01:44in that she had to stand outside until she learnt to behave herself.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47It's stand-up comedian Ellie Taylor.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49- Here, sir. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:49 > 0:01:51And to my left,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54a girl who loves to travel so much
0:01:54 > 0:01:56she once brought the school play to a halt
0:01:56 > 0:01:59when she stopped to admire the scenery. It's Mina!
0:01:59 > 0:02:01- Here, sir. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:01 > 0:02:03And on Mina's team,
0:02:03 > 0:02:07a comedian who says he's too mature to worry about internet trolls.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Not when there's all those monsters under his bed.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11It's Gareth Richards.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- Here, sir. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:14 > 0:02:15Also on Mina's team,
0:02:15 > 0:02:18a dog who once turned down a lead role in EastEnders.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Well, if you could smell him, you'd realise that he hates soap
0:02:21 > 0:02:23and he's also more of a Corrie man.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25It's Hacker T Dog!
0:02:25 > 0:02:28- Hello, Mum. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Let's hear it for the teams!
0:02:30 > 0:02:33CHEERING
0:02:35 > 0:02:37So, here's how the game works.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40I'll just consult my Dog Ate My Homework manual.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42HE CLEARS THROAT "Step one -
0:02:42 > 0:02:45"unpack one handsome presenter."
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Check.
0:02:47 > 0:02:52"Step two - get two teams and nothing better to do today."
0:02:52 > 0:02:54- Check.- Check, yeah.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56And finally, award gold stars.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Ah, yes, these gold stars.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02- TINKLING AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04I'll award these for top bants,
0:03:04 > 0:03:07but any lip and they will be gone, my friends,
0:03:07 > 0:03:08and they ain't never coming back.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- AUDIENCE:- Aww.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13You may be a-jeering, but I'm not a-hearing, no sir-ee,
0:03:13 > 0:03:15cos it's Iain's school, so it's...
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- AUDIENCE:- Iain's rules!
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Who's got two thumbs and a catchphrase?
0:03:20 > 0:03:21This guy.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24The team with the most stars at the end of the show are amazing,
0:03:24 > 0:03:28while the losers face detention with a man like a winter duvet -
0:03:28 > 0:03:29extra thick.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30It's Mr Smash.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- HE SHOUTS AND GROWLS AUDIENCE:- Boo!
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Smashy, mate, you've got some fan mail.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38HE LAUGHS
0:03:38 > 0:03:40- It's from an old lady in Wales.- Ooh!
0:03:40 > 0:03:42I'll read it out, it says, "Dear Mr Smash,
0:03:42 > 0:03:45"I love you so much on The Dog Ate My Homework
0:03:45 > 0:03:46"I've baked you a cake."
0:03:46 > 0:03:48HE LAUGHS
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Take a little, a little bite, mate, nothing too much.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53HE GOBBLES NOISILY
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Oh, wait, wait, wait.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56It says, "Although make sure
0:03:56 > 0:03:58"you don't eat the one I sent the dog,
0:03:58 > 0:04:00"cos that one's made of dog food."
0:04:00 > 0:04:02LAUGHTER
0:04:04 > 0:04:06HE GOBBLES NOISILY
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Let's get on with the show!
0:04:08 > 0:04:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:13 > 0:04:16This round is called Stick To The Point.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18'Stick To The Point.'
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I'll ask questions and if our teams are too slow,
0:04:21 > 0:04:23repeat an answer or just look stupid,
0:04:23 > 0:04:25then I'll put them in the shush position.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Can I see your shush positions, please?
0:04:28 > 0:04:29- ALL:- Shhh.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32But first I need my magic stick of pointy-ness.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Pirouette and dab?
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Yes! APPLAUSE
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Lovely stuff.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45The last team speaking wins and the first topic is...
0:04:45 > 0:04:48things you might find down the back of your couch.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50- Ellie?- Crumbs.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51Yes.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53- Hacker?- My mother.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55LAUGHTER
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- Suleman?- Yes.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59We're playing the game!
0:04:59 > 0:05:00I know.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Oh!
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Wait, wait, let me think. Dad's biscuits.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08BUZZER Get in the shush position.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Get in the shush position. Gareth?
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Oh, Narnia.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- LAUGHTER - Ooh.
0:05:15 > 0:05:20The back-of-the-couch Narnia, Aslan's just covered in pennies.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22- Ellie?- Remote control.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Yes, please. Hacker?
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- What? - LAUGHTER
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Play the game!
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Mobile phone.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31BUZZER Get in the shush position.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- Stupid dog. - LAUGHTER
0:05:33 > 0:05:34- Ellie?- A cat.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38- Mina?- Animals.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Yes. Marlon?
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Dog.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46- Chasing the cat.- Yes, absolutely. - Gareth?
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Sand.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50- Where is your couch?- Sand.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52- On the beach.- On the beach.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54- Ellie?- Harmonica!
0:05:54 > 0:05:55- Gareth?- Accordion.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- Ellie?- A bucket.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58Gareth?
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Canada.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02LAUGHTER
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- Marlon?- Crumbs.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05We've already had crumbs. BUZZER
0:06:05 > 0:06:07- Shush position.- Aw!
0:06:07 > 0:06:08Gareth?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10BUZZER Shush position!
0:06:10 > 0:06:13It's Ellie against Mina.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15It's the battle of the ladies.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Here we go. Battle of the pigtails, is that what they're called?
0:06:19 > 0:06:20- Yes.- Take her down!
0:06:20 > 0:06:23- Ready, Mina?- Oh, my God, I'm out of things.- Ellie?
0:06:23 > 0:06:24- Chewing gum.- Mina?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- Slinky.- Ellie?
0:06:26 > 0:06:27Beanie Baby.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Iain.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Wait a second!
0:06:31 > 0:06:33LAUGHTER
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Ellie?
0:06:35 > 0:06:36BUZZER Shush position.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Points go to Mina's team. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:39 > 0:06:43Gold star to Mina's team.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Next one, things you might get told off for at school.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- Gareth?- Not doing your homework.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49OK. Ellie?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51- Forgetting your PE kit.- Yes. Hacker?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Plopping in the teacher's pigeonhole.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55LAUGHTER
0:06:55 > 0:06:58- So many plops.- So little time.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Ellie?
0:07:00 > 0:07:02BUZZER Shush position. Gareth?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Pointing at a library book.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Marlon?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08BUZZER Shush position.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09Mina?
0:07:09 > 0:07:13Telling the teacher off by the headteacher for no reason.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14OK. Suleman?
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- Weeing on the floor.- Weeing on the floor, that's a bad one.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19- Hacker?- Licking the deputy's knee.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21LAUGHTER
0:07:21 > 0:07:23- Suleman?- Eating a cake.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26- Yes. Gareth?- Um...
0:07:26 > 0:07:28BUZZER Shush position.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30- Suleman?- Drinking fizzy drinks.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Oh, yes. Hacker?
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- Oh, I don't know. - BUZZER
0:07:35 > 0:07:37- Suleman?- Belly dancing.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39For a bonus gold star,
0:07:39 > 0:07:41can we have an example from everyone on your team?
0:07:41 > 0:07:45All right. All right, this is how it goes.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48- AUDIENCE:- Oooh!- Lovely.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- That's really good! - Bonus gold star to Suleman's team.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:53 > 0:07:54- Mina?- Good work.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Singing on your loudest voice to annoy the teachers.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- Suleman?- Telling the teacher off.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Oh, we've had telling off teachers, Suleman,
0:08:01 > 0:08:02so shush position. BUZZER
0:08:02 > 0:08:05which means the gold star goes to Mina's team.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:07 > 0:08:10One more - things that have spots.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Marlon?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- Caterpillars.- Yeah! Hacker?
0:08:14 > 0:08:15Dice.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17IAIN LAUGHS That's actually weirdly clever
0:08:17 > 0:08:19- for you.- Thank you.- Ellie?
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- Teenagers.- Yes!
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Stinky, stinky teenagers. Gareth?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26- Leopards.- Yes. Suleman?
0:08:26 > 0:08:28My friend who has freckles.
0:08:28 > 0:08:29Yes. Mina?
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Hacker.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- SULEMAN:- I guess he has spots on his shirt.- Where are your spots?
0:08:36 > 0:08:37Under me fur.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I'll show you during the break.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41I'm all right, thank you.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42Marlon?
0:08:42 > 0:08:45- Mushrooms.- Yes. Gareth?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47BUZZER Shush position. Ellie?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- Dalmatians.- Yes. Mina?
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- Cats.- Yes. Marlon?
0:08:53 > 0:08:55BUZZER Shush position, please. Hacker?
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- Chickenpox victims. - LAUGHTER
0:08:58 > 0:09:00You didn't need the word victims.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03- I thought it added to it. - It didn't. Suleman?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- Spotty tie.- Yes. Mina?
0:09:06 > 0:09:08- Diaries.- Yes. Ellie?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini.
0:09:10 > 0:09:15Oh! Bonus gold star, as well, for the outdated '80s reference.
0:09:15 > 0:09:16ELLIE LAUGHS
0:09:16 > 0:09:18- Mina?- Homework.
0:09:18 > 0:09:19Sometimes. Suleman?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21You know that spotty grid, which you get?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- Like they give you that spotty grid? - Yeah. Yeah.- That.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Yeah. No, I don't, shush position. BUZZER
0:09:26 > 0:09:27- OK.- Come on!
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Hacker the Dog.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- Dominoes.- Thank you.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Ellie?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- This desk.- Yes. Mina?
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- My dad. - SHE GIGGLES
0:09:39 > 0:09:40There's no way of disproving it.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Do you want to just wave at camera one and say hello to the camera.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Say "Hello, Dad," say, "Hello, spotty Dad."
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Hello, spotty Dad.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49LAUGHTER There you go.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- Ellie?- Some curtains.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54- Hacker?- Scarf, a scarf.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55- Ellie?- Shirt.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57- Mina?- Calculator.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59- Ellie?- What?
0:10:00 > 0:10:02It's got spots on it.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03- Decimal point.- Decimal point.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Oh, I take it back, that's ingenious.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08BUZZER The gold star goes to Mina's team.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:12 > 0:10:13BELL RINGS
0:10:13 > 0:10:15That's the school bell. And at the end of that round,
0:10:15 > 0:10:18the gold star goes to...
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- Mina's team!- Wow, well done. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Well done.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Time, now, for a round we call...
0:10:28 > 0:10:30'Judge A Book.'
0:10:30 > 0:10:34We'll show you an actual real-life book with some of the title missing.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35All you guys have to do is guess
0:10:35 > 0:10:39what the book is actually called, OK?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41This is our first book cover, here.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44OK, here's the title.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46"Why blank blank."
0:10:46 > 0:10:48'School disco.' 'Suleman's team.'
0:10:48 > 0:10:50School disco!
0:10:50 > 0:10:51# Take a sip of my secret potion
0:10:51 > 0:10:53# I'll make you fall in love
0:10:53 > 0:10:55# For a spell that can't be broken
0:10:55 > 0:10:57# One drop should be enough
0:10:57 > 0:11:00# Boy, you belong to me
0:11:00 > 0:11:01# I got the recipe
0:11:01 > 0:11:03# And it's called black magic
0:11:03 > 0:11:05# And it's called black magic. #
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Suleman, you buzzed in, what is your answer?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Why blank blank.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- Why Cats Fish.- Why Cats Fish?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16- Yeah.- Oh, "Cats" is right.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Yeah, that's a cat in the water.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21- I don't think it is. - Oh, I know! Press the button.
0:11:21 > 0:11:22- 'Mina's team.'- Hacker?
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Why Cats Paint.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Why Cats Paint.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28- Let's have a look, see if you're right.- Why Cats Paint.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Yes, you are! APPLAUSE
0:11:33 > 0:11:35You can tell he's feline fine. Hey?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37SCATTERED LAUGHTER
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- Do you see?- He's feline fine! - Purrfect.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Next book, this is the cover.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46OK, and this is the title.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47'Suleman's team.'
0:11:47 > 0:11:49"Blank In blank," Suleman's team.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Zip In Fish.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Zip In Fish?
0:11:53 > 0:11:56- Don't put a zip in a fish. - That looks like a fish, though.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59It does look like a fish. That's not correct. Anyone?
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- Buzz in.- 'Suleman's team.' - Suleman's team.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- Don't Go In There. - LAUGHTER
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Do Not Go In There.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08- 'Mina's team.'- Mina's team.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09- Faces In Clothes.- Oh!
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- 'Suleman's team.'- Wait.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15- "Faces" I think is right, it is faces.- Oh, zips!
0:12:15 > 0:12:16- What?- Faces In Zips.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18- No!- 'Mina's team.'
0:12:18 > 0:12:22- Hacker?- Faces In Nature. - LAUGHTER
0:12:22 > 0:12:23That is the closest we've had.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- 'Suleman's team.'- Faces In Fashion.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28No. It rhymes, it rhymes, it rhymes.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31- Passion?- No, it rhymes with faces. - 'Mina's team.'
0:12:31 > 0:12:33- Faces In Spaces.- No!
0:12:33 > 0:12:36- I know!- 'Mina's team.' - Faces In Places.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Is it Faces In Places?
0:12:38 > 0:12:39It's...
0:12:39 > 0:12:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:45 > 0:12:47OK, final cover, here we go.
0:12:47 > 0:12:52Book cover here, and the title is blank blank.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54- Blank blank. - 'Suleman's team.'- Suleman's team.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56How did he get up there?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58LAUGHTER
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- We don't know.- I know!
0:13:00 > 0:13:02- 'Mina's team.'- Mina's team.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04High Ironing.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05High Ironing!
0:13:05 > 0:13:07- 'Mina's team.'- Mina's team.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Extreme Ironing.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Is...
0:13:10 > 0:13:12the correct answer!
0:13:12 > 0:13:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:15 > 0:13:16BELL RINGS
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Oh, that's the bell.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20And the winner at the end of that round
0:13:20 > 0:13:22and getting themselves a gold star
0:13:22 > 0:13:25is Mina's team! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:30 > 0:13:32It's time for Pie The Supply.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35'Pie The Supply.'
0:13:35 > 0:13:38We're about to meet four people all claiming to be supply teachers,
0:13:38 > 0:13:40but three of them are pretending.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Personally, I'd pretend to be, like, an astronaut or James Bond,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45but no, these guys are pretending to be supply teachers -
0:13:45 > 0:13:47weird.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Our teams have to decide who's telling the truth,
0:13:50 > 0:13:52and then pie the supply.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56And there they are, our tech teachers.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!- There they are.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01OK, teacher number one is Mr Aitken,
0:14:01 > 0:14:04teacher number two is Mr Flynn,
0:14:04 > 0:14:06teacher number three is Ms Dadge
0:14:06 > 0:14:09and teacher number four is Ms McKenna.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13OK, Suleman's team, first impressions.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17You're looking at them, they're all beautiful in their own special way,
0:14:17 > 0:14:19but who has the air of a teacher about them?
0:14:19 > 0:14:22- Number one looks a bit caj.- Bit caj.
0:14:22 > 0:14:23He looks like he's panicked
0:14:23 > 0:14:25and gone, "I've got to dress like a teacher. Oh, God!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27"What, is this a tie? That'll do."
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Number three looks like she's having a good Sunday morning.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31- Yeah.- She looks quite relaxed to me.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Number two, I think, is still in school.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35LAUGHTER
0:14:35 > 0:14:37And I think number four looks quite...
0:14:37 > 0:14:40I think number three and number four look very professional.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Mina's team, first impressions, what are you thinking?
0:14:43 > 0:14:47Well, number one's too short.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49LAUGHTER Too short?!
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Oh, mate, you're having an absolute nightmare.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- Is your school like Alton Towers - there's a height limit?- Yeah!
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Number one's going home to take off his tie and put on some platforms.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- LAUGHTER - But being...
0:15:00 > 0:15:03He would be closer to the benches, though, for teaching tech,
0:15:03 > 0:15:06closer to the saws and stuff, that might be good.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Oh, yeah, they're all tech teachers, that is a good point.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12I think it's either number two or number four.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16- OK, well...- I think number four's got a supply teachery blouse on.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19You own a blouse like that, don't you?
0:15:19 > 0:15:22I've got a lovely blouse like that. Is that puce?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Let's ask some questions. Suleman's team, ask away.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Well, are you a supply teacher?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30LAUGHTER
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- HACKER:- I mean, fair on you for trying.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Right, your turn.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- Suleman I'm going to give you a gold star for that.- Yes!
0:15:37 > 0:15:39- AUDIENCE:- Oooh!- Yes.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Right, Marlon and Ellie, have you got any questions for our teachers?
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- The tech teachers.- Can we ask them, like, a technical question?
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- Yes, of course you can. - So, if you're a tech teacher...
0:15:47 > 0:15:52- Yes.- ..what is your favourite saw, number one?
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Um...
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Favourite saw, I don't have a favourite saw.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- HACKER:- Everyone's got a favourite saw!
0:15:59 > 0:16:01No, like, number one's like, "Saws are like children,
0:16:01 > 0:16:03"you can't have a favourite, you know?"
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Number two? - You can't have a favourite.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07Oh!
0:16:07 > 0:16:09- Three?- Hack.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Classic, straight to it. Number four?
0:16:11 > 0:16:15- I'd go with a coping saw. - Coping saw?
0:16:15 > 0:16:16I've never even heard of that!
0:16:16 > 0:16:18What about Mina's team? You got any questions?
0:16:18 > 0:16:23- Gareth?- OK, so if I was talking in your class,
0:16:23 > 0:16:25whose time would I be wasting?
0:16:27 > 0:16:29I'll start with number three.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Your own.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- Correct.- That is good actually. - That's the correct answer.- Ooh.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35That is good, that is good.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38I've got a question for everyone.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Who is the bell for? Number one?
0:16:41 > 0:16:45The bell is not for you, it's for me.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- Oh!- That was good as well.
0:16:48 > 0:16:49That was very good. Any questions, Hacks?
0:16:49 > 0:16:51I know you'll have some insightful things to say.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Well, I think if you angle the pie, you can get all of them.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58LAUGHTER
0:16:58 > 0:16:59Save playing the game.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Marlon, any questions for our teachers?
0:17:02 > 0:17:04It's about measuring. What's your favourite measurement?
0:17:04 > 0:17:06- Favourite measurement.- Yeah.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09We'll go for number two, favourite measurement?
0:17:09 > 0:17:10When you've built a spice rack,
0:17:10 > 0:17:13because it needs to be correct and it needs to be right,
0:17:13 > 0:17:15so the measurements must be correct.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18So his favourite measurement is a spice rack.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- LAUGHTER - A spice rack!
0:17:21 > 0:17:25- It's brilliant.- That's a brilliant answer.- Number four?
0:17:25 > 0:17:27- Well, it's only ever millimetres if you're using technical.- Yeah?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Oh, you are getting... You are heading for a pie, young lady.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Right, number one?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Three eighths of an inch.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37IAIN LAUGHS Three eighths of an inch.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41"I taught school back in 1975."
0:17:41 > 0:17:43LAUGHTER
0:17:43 > 0:17:46- Number three? - Measure twice, cut once.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50I mean, none of you have answered that question at all.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Right, audience, you've heard your questions,
0:17:53 > 0:17:55you've seen them with your first impressions,
0:17:55 > 0:17:57who do you think is a real tech teacher?
0:17:57 > 0:18:00I want you to vote now using your vocal cords.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03On the count of three - one, two, three, vote away.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05AUDIENCE SHOUT
0:18:12 > 0:18:16OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20Right, it looked like two and four were very popular.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- Suleman, have you decided who you're going to pie?- Yeah.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Then, please, it's your chance to Pie The Supply!
0:18:26 > 0:18:28'Pie The Supply.'
0:18:28 > 0:18:32- Here we go. ELLIE:- Woo!- All right. Thank you.- Ooh.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Here we go. Oooh. Gently, Suleman. Gently, Suleman.
0:18:35 > 0:18:36- Oh, my goodness!- Ooh!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Bend down, please.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:50 > 0:18:51Wow!
0:18:51 > 0:18:53- HACKER:- Good contact. - There was no mucking about.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Mina, you've seen what Suleman done,
0:18:56 > 0:18:59it's now your turn to Pie The Supply!
0:18:59 > 0:19:00'Pie The Supply.'
0:19:00 > 0:19:02- ELLIE:- Go on, Mina.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- HACKER:- Who's she thinking, who's she thinking?
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Who are you thinking, Mina?
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Gently, gently, gently, catchee monkey, don't forget.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Ooh.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11OK, here we go.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15- ALL:- Oooh!
0:19:15 > 0:19:16Yes!
0:19:16 > 0:19:19LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Oh, Mina!
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Oh, my goodness!
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Did he spit it in your face?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Number two, you got a little tiny bit on Mina.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34LAUGHTER Look at her!
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Right, I hope it's two or three,
0:19:36 > 0:19:38cos if it's not two or three, this is embarrassing.
0:19:38 > 0:19:43OK, would the real teacher please step forward?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47No!
0:19:47 > 0:19:49APPLAUSE
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Two and three, what do you actually do?
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- I work in my local supermarket. - LAUGHTER
0:19:59 > 0:20:01At the bakery section, hopefully.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06What do you sell, spice racks? LAUGHTER
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- Number three, what do you do, very quickly?- I'm a sales executive.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13LAUGHTER Brilliant!
0:20:13 > 0:20:15She's got a proper job!
0:20:15 > 0:20:17And at the end of that round, none of you got it right,
0:20:17 > 0:20:19so neither of you get a gold star.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21- HACKER:- Never! - APPLAUSE
0:20:25 > 0:20:27It's time for Smarty Pants.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29'Smarty Pants.'
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Oh. Ugh.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32Oh, no. Ugh.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Do I really have to take them? Give them here.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Oh. Do I...?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39I don't know why he's done that - weird.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42OK, I'll ask questions where each answer is a number.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44All the teams have to do is fill their pants...
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Not like that!
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Get your minds out the gutter.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51..with the same number of these foamy disc things.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- AUDIENCE:- Oooh! - Yes, they're lovely, aren't they?
0:20:55 > 0:20:59So, Suleman's team, who's putting on the pants?
0:20:59 > 0:21:02- Ellie.- Ellie's putting on the pants.
0:21:02 > 0:21:03OK, and Mina's team,
0:21:03 > 0:21:05who are you going with - Gareth or Hacker the Dog?
0:21:05 > 0:21:08- I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll play this.- Gareth.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09- Thanks. - LAUGHTER
0:21:09 > 0:21:12OK, so Gareth and Ellie, please come over here.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16I've got you your - look at these - your lovely big pants.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!- There you go, Ellie.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19They look a bit small to me.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- That looks like a washing basket. - They're a size eight.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23Perfect.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27OK, let's play Smarty Pants!
0:21:27 > 0:21:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:33 > 0:21:36OK, everyone's in position.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40Gareth, how are you feeling about having your nice big pants on?
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Really good. And just to make it more interesting, as well,
0:21:43 > 0:21:45I really need a wee.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Oh, wow. Ellie, how are you feeling?
0:21:48 > 0:21:49So excited.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51OK, your time starts...
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- What was that?- I did a... Ooh, and it hit a bit.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56- Oh, yeah, don't worry about it, it's fine.- Thanks, Iain.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Your time starts when I ask the first question.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00You must get the little disky things,
0:22:00 > 0:22:01put them in your pants, bring them back.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05The closest to the right answer gets themselves a gold star.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08OK, time starts after the first question and your first question is
0:22:08 > 0:22:12how many stars are on the Australia flag?
0:22:12 > 0:22:15How many stars are on the Australia flag?
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Cheer them on, come on!
0:22:16 > 0:22:20- CHEERING - What is it?- Ten!- Go on!
0:22:20 > 0:22:22How many? Cheer. Help them out.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Help them out, help them out.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Come on!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Go on, go on, go on, go on!
0:22:28 > 0:22:31- SULEMAN:- Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
0:22:34 > 0:22:35BUZZER
0:22:35 > 0:22:37CHEERING
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Next question, "twain" is an old English word
0:22:39 > 0:22:40- for which number?- What is?
0:22:40 > 0:22:43"Twain" is an old English word for what number?
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- Two?- Gareth's straight down! - Two, two!
0:22:45 > 0:22:47- Gareth's straight down! - Two! Two!
0:22:47 > 0:22:49- Gareth's straight down!- Two!
0:22:49 > 0:22:51- It's two!- Two!
0:22:51 > 0:22:53- Two, two, two, two! - Come on! Come on!
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Two, two.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57BUZZER Yes!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59OK, next.
0:22:59 > 0:23:00To the nearest mile,
0:23:00 > 0:23:02how many miles are in a half marathon?
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Come on!
0:23:05 > 0:23:06CHEERING
0:23:06 > 0:23:07A half marathon.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09A half marathon, half marathon.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Take less, take less and win the point
0:23:12 > 0:23:13or go for the right answer.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- What are you doing? - Ellie, Ellie, Ellie!
0:23:16 > 0:23:18You can use the bum, you can use the behind.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20You can use the behind.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21Come on!
0:23:23 > 0:23:25- Come on! Come on!- Come on!
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- Get them in there! - It's going to fall out!
0:23:28 > 0:23:29Oh, no!
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Yes! No, that's cheating, cheater!
0:23:32 > 0:23:34They've got to empty them out.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36They've got to empty them out.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38You've got to empty it out, you've got to empty it out!
0:23:38 > 0:23:41No, one fell! One fell! One fell!
0:23:41 > 0:23:42One fell!
0:23:42 > 0:23:45BUZZER Oh!
0:23:45 > 0:23:49What number rotated 90 degrees is the symbol for infinity?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56She's got his pants!
0:23:56 > 0:23:58She's got his pants!
0:23:58 > 0:23:59AUDIENCE BOO
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Go, go, go!
0:24:02 > 0:24:03Go on, go on.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- What is it?- I don't know! Just go!
0:24:06 > 0:24:10What number rotated 90 degrees is infinity?
0:24:10 > 0:24:11Oh!
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Get them empty, get them emptied out!
0:24:16 > 0:24:17Get them emptied out!
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Quickly!
0:24:21 > 0:24:22Quick!
0:24:22 > 0:24:24BUZZER
0:24:24 > 0:24:28How many rooms are in the game Cluedo?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30- Seven.- Seven!
0:24:30 > 0:24:33- Seven!- Seven!
0:24:33 > 0:24:34Seven!
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Seven-ish.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38CHEERING
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Come on, Gareth!
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Seven!
0:24:43 > 0:24:44Seven!
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Go, go, go, go!
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Get them emptied out!
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Get them emptied out!
0:24:54 > 0:24:57CHEERING
0:24:57 > 0:24:58BUZZER
0:24:58 > 0:25:00BELL RINGS
0:25:00 > 0:25:02OK, time's up.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05So we'll add up the answers together and find out the total.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09The total should be 38, so let's see how close our teams got.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11I'm going to start with you, Ellie.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12I'm coming down.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14- 38.- 38, right.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16- So whoever gets the nearest wins. - How do you feel?- I think OK.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19There may have been a couple I didn't get quite the right number.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22OK, 38, here we go. One, two, three, four, five...
0:25:27 > 0:25:30..33, 34, 35, 36.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32- 36!- 36!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34It's close, it's good. APPLAUSE
0:25:34 > 0:25:36So, you're two off.
0:25:36 > 0:25:41- Gareth, you need to be within one of 38 to win.- Agh!
0:25:41 > 0:25:42How are you feeling?
0:25:42 > 0:25:45- Not good. - LAUGHTER
0:25:45 > 0:25:48- Do you feel fit?- No. - LAUGHTER
0:25:48 > 0:25:49Here we go.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52- AUDIENCE:- One, two, three, four, five...
0:25:58 > 0:26:04..33, 34, 35, 36!
0:26:05 > 0:26:07It's a draw!
0:26:07 > 0:26:09- 36!- And after...- Let's do it again!
0:26:09 > 0:26:11- LAUGHTER - Let's do it again!
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Let's not do it again, I don't think Ellie or you would survive.
0:26:14 > 0:26:20After all that effort, it's a draw, so you both get the gold star!
0:26:20 > 0:26:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Now all we have to do is add up the scores.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Let's see those stars.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34- TINKLING AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:26:40 > 0:26:42And the winner is...
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Suleman's team!
0:26:45 > 0:26:46CHEERING
0:26:46 > 0:26:48How? How?
0:26:48 > 0:26:50I thought we... Yes!
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Congratulations, you lot,
0:26:52 > 0:26:56you can throw your hands up in the air like you just don't care.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Meanwhile, Mina's team,
0:26:59 > 0:27:01not only is the dog going to eat your homework,
0:27:01 > 0:27:04but you've now got to have detention with Mr Smash.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06It's time to do the walk of shame.
0:27:06 > 0:27:07- Oh!- Aw!
0:27:07 > 0:27:09# La, la, la, la-la-la Losers!
0:27:09 > 0:27:11# La, la, la, la-la-la Losers!
0:27:11 > 0:27:12# La, la, la, la-la-la Losers!
0:27:12 > 0:27:14# La, la, la, la-la-la Losers!
0:27:14 > 0:27:17# La, la, la, la-la-la Losers!
0:27:17 > 0:27:19# Losers! #
0:27:19 > 0:27:20So that's your lot.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23As ever, we probably didn't learn much, but it was fun trying.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25See you all next time on...
0:27:25 > 0:27:28The Dog Ate My Homework!
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Sees ya!
0:27:31 > 0:27:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:02 > 0:28:04WHOOSH!
0:28:04 > 0:28:07CHEERING