0:00:02 > 0:00:05CHEERING
0:00:09 > 0:00:11BELL RINGS
0:00:44 > 0:00:48APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Hello, everybody.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54My name's Iain Stirling and welcome to The Dog Ate My Homework.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57The show where there's going to be a little bit of this...
0:00:57 > 0:00:58ELEPHANT CALLS
0:00:58 > 0:01:00..a cheeky bit of this...
0:01:00 > 0:01:01KLAXON
0:01:01 > 0:01:03..and a whole load of...
0:01:03 > 0:01:06CRICKETS CROAK
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Wait, wait for it.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11MAN YODELS
0:01:11 > 0:01:14MAN BURPS
0:01:14 > 0:01:16There you go. We got there in the end.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17So, let's take the register.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20On my right, a boy who once couldn't get to school
0:01:20 > 0:01:22because he was snowed in,
0:01:22 > 0:01:24and you try hiring a snowplough in mid-summer.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27It's expensive. It's Matteo, everybody.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Here, sir.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30And on Matteo's team,
0:01:30 > 0:01:34some people are so famous, they only have one name.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Adele, Madonna, Beyonce...
0:01:37 > 0:01:41all turned us down, so we've got Yonko.
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Here, sir.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48Also on Matteo's team, they say good things come in small packages.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49And if you see a small package,
0:01:49 > 0:01:52pop it in the bin, cos he's probably laid a dog's egg.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56- It's Dodge T Dog.- Yeah!
0:01:56 > 0:01:58What up, dog!
0:01:58 > 0:02:02What up, dog! On my left, a girl who collects rolls of sticky tape.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06She tried to count them all in a row, but she couldn't find the end.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08- It's Aisha, everybody. - Here, sir.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Also on Aisha's team, a boy who starred in
0:02:13 > 0:02:16a CBBC documentary all about his amazing life.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20CBBC have asked me to do a documentary all about my life.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22WEAK LAUGHTER
0:02:22 > 0:02:24They will eventually.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26- It's Leo.- Here, sir.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31And finally, on Aisha's team, a comedian, who as a girl, was taught
0:02:31 > 0:02:35in the tiniest educational establishment on the planet.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39It was a mini school. Minuscule...
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Oh, shut up! It's Susan Calman.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Here, sir.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Please give it up for both of today's teams.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48CHEERING
0:02:51 > 0:02:54So, what goes down in my house?
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Yeah. I'll tell you.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Our teams will compete to see whose brains are immense
0:02:59 > 0:03:01and who's just plain dense.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05And what they're playing for are my precious golden stars.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- AUDIENCE:- Oooh!
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Oooh, indeed.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I'll award bonus stars if they make me laugh
0:03:11 > 0:03:13like I've never laughed before. For instance...
0:03:13 > 0:03:18HE LAUGHS
0:03:18 > 0:03:20I've never laughed like that before.
0:03:20 > 0:03:25But be warned, any foul play and those stars will go away.
0:03:25 > 0:03:26- AUDIENCE:- Oooh!
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Hey, seriously, guys, how many times?
0:03:28 > 0:03:33- It's Iain's school, so it's... AUDIENCE:- Iain's rules!
0:03:33 > 0:03:35# I've got a catchphrase
0:03:35 > 0:03:37# I've got a catchphrase all to myself
0:03:37 > 0:03:39# Ba-da-boom. #
0:03:39 > 0:03:42The team with the most stars at the end of the show are the winners,
0:03:42 > 0:03:46while the losers face detention with a man who's great to take
0:03:46 > 0:03:49on a camping holiday cos you can use his head to knock in tent pegs.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51It's Mr Smash.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55HE SCREAMS
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Do you know what, mate?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58I am fed up with you being so miserable every time.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59You're always angry.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02I'm going to set up an angry box that you've got to put money in
0:04:02 > 0:04:03every time you're angry, all right?
0:04:03 > 0:04:05HE SCREAMS
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Well, put some money in the box.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11And the better still,
0:04:11 > 0:04:15all the money goes towards getting me and the Dog a big bag of sweets.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17HE SCREAMS
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Money in the box!
0:04:22 > 0:04:25HE SCREAMS Money in the box!
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Put it in the box.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Put it in the box!
0:04:30 > 0:04:33HE SCREAMS
0:04:33 > 0:04:36I think we're going to need a bigger box.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Let's get on with the show.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46It's time now for Stick To The Point.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48'Stick To The Point.'
0:04:48 > 0:04:51I'll ask questions and if our teams are too slow, repeat an answer,
0:04:51 > 0:04:54or just talk baba-labigity-bloop,
0:04:54 > 0:04:56then I'll put them in the shush position.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59But I cannot shush you by my own. I am not qualified.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02But this is...
0:05:02 > 0:05:06DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:05:06 > 0:05:08It's the Stick Of Pointiness.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10See how it points?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12See how it... stick?
0:05:12 > 0:05:14That's all it does.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16I don't know what else you were expecting.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Right, the last team speaking wins.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19You all know the rules.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23And our first topic is things you would need in space.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27- Chris.- Space helmet.- Yes. Susan.- Oxygen.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29- Dodge.- Space food.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31- Leo.- Parachute. - Parachute?- Yeah.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34So, in a place where you famously float.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36You'd have to come down at some point, though,
0:05:36 > 0:05:39so it's like a precautionary measure for when you come back from space.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41- It makes perfect sense, Iain. - Do you know what, Susan?
0:05:41 > 0:05:43For that wonderful explanation,
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- you've got yourself a bonus gold star.- Yeah!
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Matteo.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50A plumber.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53In space?!
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Yeah. What about if you get a toilet blockage?
0:05:55 > 0:05:56What are you going to do then?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Imagine unplugging a toilet in zero gravity.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05It gives a new spin on the term - a floater.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10- Leo.- Space helmet.- We've had that.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Oh, shush position, Leo. Unlucky.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Matteo.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15A rocket.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19I mean, yeah. I'm surprised that hasn't come up sooner.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20- Susan.- Spare pants and socks.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Whenever you go on a long journey, you must take spare pants and socks
0:06:23 > 0:06:25so that you are at all times presentable
0:06:25 > 0:06:27in case an accident happens.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29I don't wear any pants.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Ooh!
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Get lower. Cover yourself up, you disgusting dog. OK.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- Chris.- Rocket boots.
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Rocket boots, yes. Susan.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Brussels sprouts so that if you didn't like someone you're on
0:06:42 > 0:06:45the space station with, you could feed them Brussels sprouts
0:06:45 > 0:06:47and they would fart inside their space suit,
0:06:47 > 0:06:51which I think would be a punishment worthy of someone you didn't like.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55Imagine the smell of Brussels sprout farts right in your fish bowl head.
0:06:55 > 0:06:56Hm.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59- Dodge.- A lead.- Dodge.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- A lead!- Dodge.- I said a lead!
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Repetition. Shush position.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05Oh!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- Aisha.- Space suit.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Space suit. We've not had that either. Matteo.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12BUZZER Shush position.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- Aisha.- Just general food.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16We've already had that. Repetition. Shush position.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19It's Susan versus the Yonk.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Who's going to win? Here we go.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23- Chris.- A towel.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26- Susan.- A space pen so I can write letters to my friends.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28A friend.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33- Chris.- Boots.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34We've had that. Shush position.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Points go to Aisha's team.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Next topic.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Things you might find in the attic.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47- Dodge.- Spiders.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49- Yeah. Leo.- Your brother.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- Your brother?!- Yeah.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- Dodge.- Treasure chest.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56What?! Where is your house? In Narnia?
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Well, actually, I share a house with a pirate.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01So there.
0:08:01 > 0:08:02- Leo.- Spiders.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04We've had it. Shush position.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06- Yeah, Dodge said that. - Did he?- Did I?- Yeah.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09He doesn't even know. Matteo.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11- A notebook.- Yes. Susan.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14A scary puppet that sits in the corner.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16- Ooh!- Oi!
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Dodge is really angry, because he owns a scary puppet.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24That's what you mean, don't you?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Yeah, and it sits in the corner a lot.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27What face does it make?
0:08:30 > 0:08:33LAUGHTER
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- Matteo.- Car-boot sale boxes which have never actually been sold.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39No-one's selling any car boots!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- Susan.- A rocking horse.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I'm trying to do what Dodge does.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48I'm trying to do the thing that...
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Matteo.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52An old shoebox.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54I'll give you that. Aisha.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56- An old notebook.- Have we had that?
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- Yes!- We've had it. Shush position, I'm afraid.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01- Chris.- A wasps' nest.- Yes.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- Susan.- Ladders.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05- Yeah. Dodge.- A banana!
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- Susan.- A dressing-up box.- Matteo.
0:09:10 > 0:09:11A... Eh...
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Shush position.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- Susan.- My thimble collection is in my parents' attic.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Now, some of you are thinking, "What a comical answer."
0:09:20 > 0:09:21Absolutely factual.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- Dodge.- A skeleton.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- Susan.- Old lamps.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Yes, please. Dodge.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28A ladder.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- I said ladder. - We said that already.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- Shush position.- Ha-ha.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Yonks against Calman.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37It's happened again. Here we go.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- Chris.- Halloween decorations.
0:09:39 > 0:09:40- Susan.- Winter hats.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- Chris.- Easter decorations.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45- Susan.- Winter gloves.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47- Chris.- Sleeping bags.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49- Susan.- Tap shoes.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Ballet shoes.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52Clogs.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Minds.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Shush position. That is not a thing.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Gold star to Aisha's team.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04BELL RINGS
0:10:04 > 0:10:06That is the bell.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10And at the end of that round, the gold star goes to Aisha's team.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15CHEERING
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Oh, sorry, everyone. I'm just reading my new book.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Iain Stirling - How It All Went Handsome.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Now, this is a book you can judge by its cover.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34It's obviously going to be amazing, but it's not always this easy,
0:10:34 > 0:10:35in a round we like to call...
0:10:35 > 0:10:37'Judge a Book.'
0:10:37 > 0:10:39What that guy just said.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42I'll show the teams a book with some of its title missing.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45All they have to do is guess what that book is called.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49These are all genuine books you can buy in a shop, I kid you not.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Let's look at the first book.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56OK. And the title is, blank, blank.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58- 'Matteo.'- Matteo.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02How To Chastise Your Children In A Wheelbarrow.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Is it How To Chastise Your...? It's only two words!
0:11:06 > 0:11:08- Oh!- Do the hands again.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12I'm getting sore wrists.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13- 'Aisha.'- Yes.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- School Run.- School Run?!
0:11:17 > 0:11:18That's great.
0:11:22 > 0:11:23I think you get a bonus gold star.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Just the image of it.
0:11:25 > 0:11:26"Kids are late again.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31"The car's broken down in autumn! Happens all the time."
0:11:31 > 0:11:34That's what Scottish Rail do when there's leaves on the track.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- 'Aisha.'- Susan Calman.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39What happens when the wi-fi breaks down and you have to actually
0:11:39 > 0:11:41speak to each other on a bank holiday Monday?
0:11:41 > 0:11:48Oh, nothing worse. "There's no wi-fi. Mum's got the Jenga out! No!"
0:11:48 > 0:11:50- 'Matteo.'- A Wheelbarrow Race.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52A Wheelbarrow Race. Do you know what?
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I'm going to give you one of the words,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56cos this is nothing to do with the picture.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58It's mad. Let's have one of the words.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00- Stories.- 'Matteo.'
0:12:00 > 0:12:02- Chris.- Confusing Stories.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Yes! I mean, very rightly so, but no.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07- 'Aisha.'- Yes?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Woodland. Forest. Holiday. Autumn.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13I mean, all of those should be...
0:12:13 > 0:12:14I'm going to give you the answer.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18The answer we're looking for was Bedtime Stories.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22What?! They're in a wheelbarrow, Iain.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26- 'School Disco!'- School Disco!
0:12:26 > 0:12:30MUSIC: Hot Right Now by DJ Fresh ft Rita Ora
0:12:41 > 0:12:43MUSIC STOPS
0:12:43 > 0:12:49OK. Next one is, this is the book cover...
0:12:49 > 0:12:50Lovely.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56This is an actual book you can buy in the shop and the title is...
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Whose... blank, blank, blank.
0:12:59 > 0:13:00- 'Matteo.'- Yes!
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Whose Taken My Head?
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- 'Aisha.'- Aisha.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Whose Elephant's Butt?
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Whose Elephant's Butt?
0:13:10 > 0:13:12- Question mark.- Oh, yeah.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Whose Elephant's Butt?
0:13:14 > 0:13:17- 'Matteo.'- Whose Is It?- Whose Is It? - Yeah.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19I love the idea of somebody walking into a school with
0:13:19 > 0:13:22a massive bum going, "Whose is it?
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- "Who left their bum here?"- 'Aisha.' - Sorry. Aisha's team.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Whose Cheeks Are These?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Whose Cheeks Are These?!
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Bonus gold star for Leo.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Whose Cheeks Are These?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Sounds like a new show on ITV2.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43"Oh, I'm Keith Lemon and this is Whose Cheeks Are These?!"
0:13:43 > 0:13:45'Aisha.'
0:13:45 > 0:13:47- Yes.- Whose Stolen My Trousers?
0:13:47 > 0:13:49"Whose stolen my trousers?"
0:13:49 > 0:13:52"Whose taken my trousers? My bottom's hanging out all the time.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54"There's a fly buzzing about."
0:13:54 > 0:13:56- Anyone else.- 'Matteo.'
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Whose Bottom Is It?
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Oh! I'm going to give you the gold star. It's Whose Bottom Is This?
0:14:03 > 0:14:04High five.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07BELL RINGS
0:14:09 > 0:14:13And at the end of that round, the gold star for winning goes to
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Matteo's team.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18CHEERING
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Gran, I've told you, we're doing it now, OK?
0:14:25 > 0:14:27They're going to get pied right in the mush.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30OK, bye, Gran. Love you too. Bye-bye. OK. Hi, everyone.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33It's now time for Pie The Supply.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35- 'Pie The Supply.'- Yes.
0:14:35 > 0:14:40Four strange looking characters have snuck into my school and they
0:14:40 > 0:14:44are looking well suspicious, but enough about the celebrity guests.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49As for those four, they all claim to be real drama teachers,
0:14:49 > 0:14:52but only one is telling the truth.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Here are our suspected teachers.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Teacher one, Ms Carol.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Teacher two, Mrs Stewart.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Teacher three, Mr Bopal.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06And teacher four, Ms McArthur.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Which one is the real drama teacher?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Matteo, which one whiffs of teacher to you?
0:15:12 > 0:15:15One, two, three or four? Any jump out at you?
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Probably three. I think maybe two as well.
0:15:18 > 0:15:19Two as well.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Got the drama teacher sandals.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Is that what you're saying?
0:15:22 > 0:15:26- Get them digits out. - Yeah, that's why.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29The toes are acting angry. OK.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31They say the toes are the windows to the soul.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Toes are the windows to the soul.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Aisha's team.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38First impressions. Which one whiffs of teacher? Who are you thinking?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Definitely number two.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- Definitely number two?- Yeah.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- She looks like a proper drama teacher.- Do you know why?
0:15:45 > 0:15:48When she was introduced she went...
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Like, casual in front of an audience,
0:15:50 > 0:15:53like she was entirely comfortable with the situation.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55After two, probably four.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Two or four. Right, let's get some questions.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- Yeah.- Matteo's team. Dodge, have you got any questions?
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- Oh, yeah. I've got a question... - Right.- ..for number two.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Why do you have a chicken necklace on?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Good question. Very observant.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12I love chickens.
0:16:12 > 0:16:17I mean... I mean, it was the answer we were all expecting.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I'd like to ask number two another question.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23- OK.- It's food related.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- OK.- It's food and ear related.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Why have you got ice cream earrings on?
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Do you know, I love chickens and ice cream.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33She's an actress.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Nobody in their right mind would love ice cream and chickens.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39There you are. Put those worlds together.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Chicken flavoured ice cream.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47"You want some chicken flavoured ice cream? Cock-a-doodle-I-do."
0:16:48 > 0:16:52- I'll tell you what we'll do. - Yeah.- These are drama teachers.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56- As we all know, Iain Stirling, I'm a famous actor.- Yes, you are.
0:16:56 > 0:17:01- I am going to do an act-off with each of our teachers. OK.- Yes.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:03 > 0:17:06- We'll go one first. Susan?- Yes.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Can you give me and each of our teachers a...
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- Hi, there, by the way. It's lovely to meet you.- Hi.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11Can you give us an emotion?
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Me and number one are going to do an emotion now.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17Number one and Iain, I'd like you to be sad, but also a bit happy.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20OK, here we go. One, two, three.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28OK, me and number two now.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32I want you to be angry, but confused.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Urgh!
0:17:34 > 0:17:37HE GROANS
0:17:39 > 0:17:40OK.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41Me and number three now. Thank you.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- Number three, I want you to... - He held my hand!
0:17:47 > 0:17:50I want you to be worried, but confident.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Number four, here we go. Final one, Susan.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04This is less of an emotion, but I want you to be a nervous janitor.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Oh, look at the muck!
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Do you want me to do that?
0:18:12 > 0:18:13I don't know what you're doing, love,
0:18:13 > 0:18:15I don't know what I'm doing either.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17There you go. That's a little bit of that.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20APPLAUSE
0:18:24 > 0:18:29- Any insights? - Again, number two went for it.
0:18:29 > 0:18:34I mean, number one was very good as well, but, I mean,
0:18:34 > 0:18:38just the way that number two threw herself at anything we're asking.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41I was looking down and her toes looked angry, but sad.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44I know how to sort this out, Iain.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48- How?- Number three, recite some Shakespeare.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51"Is this a dagger I see before me?"
0:18:53 > 0:18:57Iain. Iain, I think I may have wet myself.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00I think we should work down the line.
0:19:00 > 0:19:01Number four, Shakespeare.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04"Gather ye rosebuds while you may."
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Ooh!
0:19:06 > 0:19:07Very good.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Number one.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13"Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?"
0:19:13 > 0:19:16He's gone down the chicken shop with number two.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19And finally, number two.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22"Hubble, rubble, toil and trouble."
0:19:23 > 0:19:26"Cauldrons burn and something."
0:19:30 > 0:19:34You've asked your questions, you've had your first impressions,
0:19:34 > 0:19:37but now it's a very important part, let's see what our audience think.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Audience, do you think it's one, two, three or four?
0:19:39 > 0:19:43Please vote now. And don't forget to project from the diaphragm.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46One, two, three, who do you think it is?
0:19:46 > 0:19:51THEY SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Lots of twos, lots of three and a couple of fours.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Matteo, you're about to live the dream.
0:19:59 > 0:20:04You might very well pie a teacher in the face. It's time to get pied.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- 'Pie The Supply.' - Off you go, Matteo.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Pie the supply. Off you go, mate. Good luck, teach.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Gently, gently, son. Don't get carried away.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Run, run!
0:20:34 > 0:20:38She's eating it! She ate it!
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Sit down.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45OK. She's like, "Oh, it tastes like ice cream."
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Tastes like chicken and ice cream.
0:20:48 > 0:20:53It does, yeah. Aisha, you're up next. It's time to pie the supply.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55'Pie The Supply.'
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Gently, gently, remember.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Here we go. Here she goes.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02She's been training for this for months.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Ooh!
0:21:06 > 0:21:09You might have to come down to her...
0:21:09 > 0:21:11She got it again!
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Two got it again!
0:21:16 > 0:21:17No!
0:21:19 > 0:21:21If this isn't number two, I'm so sorry.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Would...? Oh, please be number two.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Would the real drama teacher please step forward?
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Yeah!
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Yeah!
0:21:41 > 0:21:45Which means at the end of that round, both teams get a gold star.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Do you know what I fancy?
0:21:54 > 0:21:56A little bit of Mime Craft.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58'Mime Craft.'
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Today, all the activities are sport related, so Matteo, from your team,
0:22:01 > 0:22:05who do you want to come down the front of the studio
0:22:05 > 0:22:07and perform some activities?
0:22:07 > 0:22:10You can do Dodge or you can do Chris.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Obviously not Dodge, cos he'll lose, so Chris.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Yeah, we'll go for Yonks.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19- Yonk, please make your way to The Mime Spot.- 'The Mime Spot.'
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Yonko, you're a very sporting individual.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Your time will start when Matteo turns over his first board.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Matteo, one, two, three. Take it away, young man.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Oh! Ah...
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Batman!
0:22:38 > 0:22:39Not Batman!
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Skip it. It's trapeze. He's terrible.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44How is that a sport?
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Oh, it's not a sport.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Weight lifting.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Yes. I mean, that's not how you do it, with one hand.
0:22:52 > 0:22:53All right. Come on. Oh!
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- Snowboarding.- No.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- Skateboarding.- Yes!
0:22:58 > 0:22:59You're good at this.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03- Pool!- No.
0:23:03 > 0:23:04- Snooker.- Yes.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Oh, here we go.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08- Golf.- No.- Rounders.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Tennis. Cricket.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Yes!
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Oh, here we go.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15Erm...
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Oh! Gangnam Style!
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Gangnam Style!
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Horse riding. Jockeying. Horse riding.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25One, two, three, jump.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- Horse jumping.- Yes!
0:23:28 > 0:23:30That's not the first time they've done this.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34- Disc throwing.- No, long, thin.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Javelin.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38- Yes.- Yeah, good work.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40BELL RINGS
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Basketball.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44No, luckily we missed that one,
0:23:44 > 0:23:47cos Chris would have got into his bikini.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Well done, Chris. Take a seat.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51OK, give it up for Chris, everybody.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52CHEERING
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Aisha, Susan or Leo, who do you want doing some miming?
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I'm going to have Susan.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Susan, please make your way to The Mime Spot.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02'The Mime Spot.'
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Susan Calman is an absolute veteran of this game.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10She's incredible.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Aisha, your time starts when you flip over your flippy thing.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15On your own time. Take it away.
0:24:17 > 0:24:18Swimming. Snorkelling.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Yes!
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Oh, yeah!
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Tennis. Table tennis.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27Yes!
0:24:30 > 0:24:33LAUGHTER
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Good luck.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39- Pass. Pass.- Yoga.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42I'll give you that.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Skiing.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46Yes!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Do the spins. Yeah.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52Discus.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Yeah!
0:24:54 > 0:24:55Fishing.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Fishing's right.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02SHE SCREAMS
0:25:06 > 0:25:07Pole jump.
0:25:07 > 0:25:08No.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11- Pole jump.- No. She's got a...
0:25:12 > 0:25:14LAUGHTER
0:25:18 > 0:25:20LAUGHTER
0:25:22 > 0:25:23Javelin.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Biking.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28BELL RINGS
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Susan Calman, everybody.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32APPLAUSE
0:25:41 > 0:25:43I'm 41.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47SHE PANTS
0:25:47 > 0:25:49How are you feeling, Susan?
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Yeah, just give me a wee second.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54I was a little bit sick in my mouth there. It's fine.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59I can tell you at the end of that round, it was a draw,
0:25:59 > 0:26:02so you both get gold stars.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14And that's about it, but before we go, let's add up the scores.
0:26:14 > 0:26:20- ALL:- Oooohhh!
0:26:23 > 0:26:27And the winners are Aisha's team!
0:26:27 > 0:26:31CHEERING
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Congratulations, you lot.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36You will be remembered for a good couple of minutes to come.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40As for Matteo's team, not only does the Dog eat your homework,
0:26:40 > 0:26:43but you have got detention with Mr Smash.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46It's time to take the Walk Of Shame.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48- # La-la-la-la - Losers
0:26:48 > 0:26:50- # La-la-la-la - Losers
0:26:50 > 0:26:52- # La-la-la-la - Losers
0:26:52 > 0:26:54- # La-la-la-la - Losers
0:26:54 > 0:26:56- # La-la-la-la - Losers
0:26:56 > 0:26:58# Losers. #
0:26:58 > 0:26:59So, that's your lot.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02As ever, we probably didn't learn much, but do you know what?
0:27:02 > 0:27:04It was fun trying.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06See you all next time on...
0:27:06 > 0:27:10- AUDIENCE:- The Dog Ate My Homework!
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Sees ya!