0:00:02 > 0:00:04MR SMASH STRAINS
0:00:06 > 0:00:08- Huh?! - MR SMASH SCREAMS
0:00:08 > 0:00:10No! No, no, no, no!
0:00:10 > 0:00:12- No, no! Don't! - EXPLOSION
0:00:12 > 0:00:13MR SMASH SCREAMS
0:00:13 > 0:00:16DOG WHEEZES AND SCHOOL BELL
0:00:42 > 0:00:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Hello, everybody watching. I'm Iain Stirling
0:00:57 > 0:00:59- and welcome to The Dog Ate My Homework,
0:00:59 > 0:01:02the show that tests the old grey matter.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04I'm not talking about the old grey matter that we had
0:01:04 > 0:01:06this afternoon in the canteen.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08FLIES BUZZING AND AUDIENCE GROANS
0:01:08 > 0:01:10LAUGHTER
0:01:10 > 0:01:11- Audience:- Eurgh!
0:01:13 > 0:01:15It's not bad, actually. LAUGHTER
0:01:15 > 0:01:18It's quite nice. OK, let's take the register.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21On my right, a girl who says her school life
0:01:21 > 0:01:23is a bit like a sitcom, which must be annoying
0:01:23 > 0:01:24when you're halfway through lunch
0:01:24 > 0:01:26and you have to stop for the adverts.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28IAIN LAUGHS WEAKLY It's Ellie.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- Here, Sir! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:30 > 0:01:32And on Ellie's team,
0:01:32 > 0:01:34a presenter and keen basketball player,
0:01:34 > 0:01:37a sport where one of the rules is the same thing
0:01:37 > 0:01:41I tell Mr Smash, "No excessive dribbling".
0:01:41 > 0:01:43From Newsround, it's Martin Dougan.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45- Here, Sir! - APPLAUSE
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Also on Ellie's team,
0:01:47 > 0:01:50a comedian who cleaned up at the Comedy Awards
0:01:50 > 0:01:52with a pocketful of one-liners.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Sorry, a pocketful of BIN liners.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57He literally cleaned up at the awards.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59He has a part time job to succeed.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- It's Steve Bugeja!- Here, Sir!
0:02:02 > 0:02:04APPLAUSE
0:02:04 > 0:02:05And on my left,
0:02:05 > 0:02:07a girl whose school was voted the best in the country,
0:02:07 > 0:02:11but then she started going there and it fell several places.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12LAUGHTER
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- It's Ruby, everyone!- Here, sir!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16CHEERING
0:02:16 > 0:02:20On Ruby's team, a man known as the best dressed man in comedy,
0:02:20 > 0:02:22but can he were a blouse?
0:02:22 > 0:02:23LAUGHTER
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- It's Tom Allen! - Here, Sir. Here, Sir.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28APPLAUSE
0:02:28 > 0:02:29And also on Ruby's team,
0:02:29 > 0:02:33a comedian whose last gig had people queueing around the corner.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Next time she's going to give them the correct address.
0:02:36 > 0:02:37It's Athena Kugblenu!
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- Here, Sir! - APPLAUSE
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Can we please applaud both of our teams!
0:02:42 > 0:02:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:47 > 0:02:49So, what are you going to do while the show is on?
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Well, that's up to you.
0:02:50 > 0:02:56You might have a stretch, make a cup of tea, or you might even laugh.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58GENTLE LAUGHTER You better!
0:02:58 > 0:03:00LAUGHTER
0:03:00 > 0:03:02But what our teams have to do is play for these,
0:03:02 > 0:03:04my lovely golden stars.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Along the way, I'll award bonus stars for pretty much anything.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12For instance, first person to throw a ping-pong in the bin
0:03:12 > 0:03:14gets a gold star.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16- CLANGING NOISES - Ah!- Ah!
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- Yes!- Yeah! APPLAUSE
0:03:19 > 0:03:24- A gold star for Tom Allen!- I've never done anything good at sport.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28But be warned, any nonsense and I can take those stars right back.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29- AUDIENCE:- Aw!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Eh! It's Iain's school, so it's...?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34- AUDIENCE:- Iain's stars!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36The team with the most stars at the end of the show are our winners,
0:03:36 > 0:03:39while the losers face detention with a man who once turned
0:03:39 > 0:03:40the entire audience to jelly.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43That's right, the place was dessert-ed.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45TOM ALLEN GROANS AND APPLAUSE
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Oh, go on...
0:03:46 > 0:03:49APPLAUSE CONTINUES
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Ladies and gentlemen, it's Mr Smash.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56MR SMASH GROWLS AND BOOING
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Hey, hey, hey! We've got big news today,
0:03:58 > 0:04:03because this is the launch of Mr Smash's very own YouTube channel
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- and apparently it's about to go live.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- MUSIC STARTS - Ha, ha, ha!
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Eh? Eh? Eh?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12MR SMASH MUMBLES
0:04:15 > 0:04:16MR SMASH LAUGHS
0:04:16 > 0:04:18LAUGHTER
0:04:20 > 0:04:21- Mr Smash!- Huh?
0:04:21 > 0:04:24When they say YouTube, they don't mean the tubes that are U-shaped.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26MUSIC STOPS AND LAUGHTER
0:04:27 > 0:04:29MR SMASH MUTTERS
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Bah!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33LAUGHTER Let's get on with the show!
0:04:33 > 0:04:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Time now for Stick To The Point!
0:04:41 > 0:04:43- VOICE-OVER:- Stick To The Point!
0:04:43 > 0:04:45This is a quickfire round. Steve, how quick is it?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Too slow. OK.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51I'll ask questions and if our teams are too slow,
0:04:51 > 0:04:53repeat an answer, or just talk like your grandad
0:04:53 > 0:04:55when his teeth have fallen out, bless him...
0:04:55 > 0:04:57I'll put you in the shush position.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Can I see your shush positions, everyone, please?
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Not bad at all, but before we can do anything,
0:05:04 > 0:05:09I need my all-powerful Stick of Omnipotence!
0:05:09 > 0:05:10Oh!
0:05:10 > 0:05:14- AUDIENCE:- Woo! - Look, it looks like clouds.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16LAUGHTER
0:05:16 > 0:05:18IAIN SCREAMS
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Whoa! Whee!
0:05:22 > 0:05:26There you go, Stick of Omnipotence. What do you make of this, Tom Allen?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I don't know, it looks like the sort of thing people light up,
0:05:29 > 0:05:32erm, like wardrobes with when they open the door.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34- You know, guys... - Do people do that?- What?
0:05:34 > 0:05:36You've got a wardrobe, then you open the door
0:05:36 > 0:05:39and then some lights come on to illuminate your clothes.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41That's not a wardrobe, you're thinking of a fridge.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43LAUGHTER
0:05:43 > 0:05:45A wardrobe for food.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49- Oh, I like the cut of this handbag. Handbag.- Handbag.
0:05:49 > 0:05:50Come on. APPLAUSE
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Come on.
0:05:52 > 0:05:57Right, the first question is things you might hear at a farm.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01I don't want you to tell me them. I want you to act them out.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03GENTLE LAUGHTER Steve Bugeja.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Hello, I'm a farmer.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07LAUGHTER
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- CHEERING - Yeah.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- Boring school star. Well done. - Thank you.- Ruby.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- FAINTLY - Moo...
0:06:14 > 0:06:17A very quiet cow.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Martin?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20# Oh, I've got a brand-new combine harvester,
0:06:20 > 0:06:22# Da, da, da, da, da... #
0:06:24 > 0:06:27- APPLAUSE - Come on!
0:06:29 > 0:06:30- Athena?- Woof, woof!
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Yes, please. A cat.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Ellie?
0:06:35 > 0:06:36ELLIE OINKS
0:06:36 > 0:06:38There you go, a child with the cold.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40LAUGHTER Tom?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42- Neigh! - IAIN LAUGHS
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Steve? STEVE SQUAWKS
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Scarecrow. It was a scarecrow.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- That was not a scarecrow. - Scarecrows have got to make noises.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53- A scared crow.- Ah!
0:06:55 > 0:06:56APPLAUSE
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Come on!
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Ruby.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Tractor noise.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03LAUGHTER
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- That...- I loved it, Ruby, I did, but I'll have to put you
0:07:06 > 0:07:08in the shush position, because it wasn't really a noise.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10OK, Martin.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12MARTIN OINKS AND SMACKS HIS LIPS
0:07:12 > 0:07:14LAUGHTER
0:07:14 > 0:07:15Tom?
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Um, shall we get some jam? Oh, yes, we could do with some lovely jam.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Yes, do I like strawberry or the raspberry? I like strawberry.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Get raspberry if you want it, though.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25It's two posh people going to the farm shop.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28APPLAUSE
0:07:28 > 0:07:30I like that. I like that.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31Ellie?
0:07:31 > 0:07:33BUZZER
0:07:33 > 0:07:37- Shush position, I'm afraid. Athena? - That'll do, pig. That'll do.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41There you go. A film from the '90s, children.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43- Steve?- Chop, chop, chop...
0:07:43 > 0:07:46No. Lack of commitment. Shush position.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47Thank you. Tom?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49TOM MAKES CREAKING NOISE
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- It's the gate being opened. - Lovely, I like it.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- Martin? HIGH-PITCHED:- Pigs can fly.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57LAUGHTER
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- Not here, mate.- Was that as creepy as I thought it was?
0:08:01 > 0:08:02LAUGHTER
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Athena?
0:08:04 > 0:08:05ATHENA MAKES CREAKING NOISE
0:08:05 > 0:08:07- It's been closed.- Oh!
0:08:07 > 0:08:08APPLAUSE
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Very good, very good.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13In accordance with the country code.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Yeah. Martin?
0:08:15 > 0:08:16BUZZER
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Shush position! Points go to Ruby's team!
0:08:18 > 0:08:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:23 > 0:08:28OK, here we go. Things... that are fluffy.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Things that are fluffy.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33LAUGHTER
0:08:35 > 0:08:37LAUGHTER
0:08:42 > 0:08:44And you were saying it looked cheap.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I see. "Made in England". Ah.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49LAUGHTER
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Screw that back on. Things that are fluffy.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- Martin?- Cloud.- Yes. Tom?
0:08:54 > 0:08:56- Sheep.- Yes. Steve?
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- The Stick of Omnipotence. - Yeah, kind of. Ruby?
0:08:59 > 0:09:01My bed socks.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05- Ooh, nice one, Ellie.- Pyjamas?- Yes. Athena?- Candyfloss.- Lovely stuff.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07- Steve?- A jumper.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- What type of jumper? - A fluffy one.- Lovely stuff.
0:09:10 > 0:09:11LAUGHTER
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- Tom?- A very well made Victoria sponge cake.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17LAUGHTER
0:09:19 > 0:09:22No soggy bottom. Just nice and fluffy.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- Martin?- Dressing gowns? - Lovely stuff.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28- Athena?- Er, whipping cream. Whipped cream.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- Yeah. Ellie?- Hair.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Hair is nice and fluffy. Ruby?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34- Scarf.- Nice. Steve?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- Sheep's wool.- We've had sheep.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Am I giving them sheep's wool? Audience?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40- You... - AUDIENCE SHOUTS
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- BUZZER Shush position.- Aw...- Yes.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47It's Iain's school, so it's...?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49- AUDIENCE:- Iain's stars!
0:09:49 > 0:09:53- Athena?- Poodles.- Lovely stuff. Ellie?- Beard.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55I use a nice oil.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59- Ruby?- Gloves.- Gloves. Yes, please. Ellie?
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- BUZZER Shush, shush position.- Ah!- Tom?
0:10:03 > 0:10:07Lovely egg whites before... Maybe you're making a meringue.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11- Martin?- Iain's personality when he's wearing that blouse?
0:10:11 > 0:10:12Ah...
0:10:12 > 0:10:14I'm a very fluffy man, actually.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- Athena?- Pillows.- Nice one. Martin?- Er...
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Shush position!
0:10:22 > 0:10:24And the points go to Ruby's team!
0:10:24 > 0:10:27APPLAUSE AND SCHOOL BELL
0:10:29 > 0:10:32And at the end of that round, I can reveal the gold star goes to...
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Ruby's team!
0:10:34 > 0:10:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Nice one.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Time to face the music with Tune In.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46- VOICE-OVER:- Tune In!
0:10:46 > 0:10:49This is where two members of each team will be given a song
0:10:49 > 0:10:53to perform using this simple instrument, a kazoo.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Or as I like to call it, an Ia-instrument.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59CLOCK CHIMES AND DOG BARKS
0:10:59 > 0:11:01WIND WHISTLES
0:11:01 > 0:11:03DOG HOWLS
0:11:05 > 0:11:08OK! So, Ellie's team, you're up first.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Ellie, who do you want to join you on the kazoo?
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- Martin.- OK, in that case, Martin and Ellie,
0:11:14 > 0:11:16please make your way to the floor.
0:11:16 > 0:11:17- OK... - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- VOICE-OVER:- Please welcome to the floor, Ellie and her kazoo partner,
0:11:20 > 0:11:21Martin Dougan.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24STRICTLY THEME TUNE ON KAZOO
0:11:26 > 0:11:28SLOW HANDCLAP
0:11:30 > 0:11:31OK, Steve.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Your time starts when you flip over your first flippy thing.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Guys, you have to perform the song you see on your...
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- VOICE-OVER:- School disco! - School disco!
0:11:39 > 0:11:41- MUSIC STARTS - # I feel alive!
0:11:41 > 0:11:42# All fired up, I feel alive!
0:11:42 > 0:11:44# All fired up, I feel alive
0:11:44 > 0:11:46# I feel alive, I feel alive
0:11:46 > 0:11:48# All fired up, I feel alive
0:11:48 > 0:11:50# All fired up, I feel alive,
0:11:50 > 0:11:52# All fired up, I feel alive,
0:11:52 > 0:11:54# I feel alive, I feel alive...
0:11:54 > 0:11:55# Radar...
0:11:55 > 0:11:59# Keep me, keep me, keep me on your radar...#
0:11:59 > 0:12:01MUSIC WARPS AND STOPS
0:12:01 > 0:12:02- Steve?- Yes?
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Time starts when you flip over the first thing on your flippy thing.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Oh...
0:12:07 > 0:12:09KAZOO MUSIC
0:12:14 > 0:12:16HANDCLAP
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Oh, yeah!
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Da, da, da, da!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Da, da, da, da!
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Story Of My Life! One Direction!
0:12:24 > 0:12:25Yes!
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Oh, that felt great.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Go on, next one, here we go.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Good luck with this.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34KAZOO MUSIC STARTS
0:12:39 > 0:12:41HANDCLAP
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Oh...
0:12:49 > 0:12:54What? Oh, no! What is it? It's like work, work, work every day.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58No! It's Bills by Lunch Money Lewis. You idiot. Next one.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59LAUGHTER
0:12:59 > 0:13:02- No!- Yes, he's got to get this one.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03KAZOO MUSIC STARTS
0:13:03 > 0:13:05- Hum along!- It's, er, Star Wars.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Star Wars!
0:13:07 > 0:13:10AUDIENCE HUMS STAR WARS
0:13:10 > 0:13:11Let's get to the end!
0:13:11 > 0:13:13HUMMING CONTINUES
0:13:16 > 0:13:19That is, er, Star Wars.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21APPLAUSE
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Next one. Hurry up! Hurry up!
0:13:25 > 0:13:26KAZOO MUSIC AND HANDCLAP
0:13:26 > 0:13:28More dancing would help.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Oh! It's, "One more chance..." No.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39LAUGHTER
0:13:42 > 0:13:45- I... I don't know... - Right, we're skipping it!
0:13:45 > 0:13:47BUZZER It was Jess Glynne!
0:13:47 > 0:13:51Ruby, I'm going to level with you, you're not up against much.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53LAUGHTER
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Who do you want to help you out with your kazoo-ing today?
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- Athena.- OK, Athena and Ruby, please make your way to the floor.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01STRICTLY THEME TUNE ON KAZOO
0:14:01 > 0:14:03- VOICE-OVER:- Please welcome to the floor Ruby
0:14:03 > 0:14:05and her kazoo partner, Athena.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08STRICTLY THEME TUNE CONTINUES
0:14:08 > 0:14:10LAUGHTER IN BACKGROUND
0:14:10 > 0:14:12KAZOO MUSIC
0:14:16 > 0:14:18SLOW HANDCLAP
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- # All about that bass, 'bout that bass... #- Yes!
0:14:20 > 0:14:23APPLAUSE Next one! Next one!
0:14:25 > 0:14:28KAZOO MUSIC
0:14:28 > 0:14:30HANDCLAP
0:14:33 > 0:14:35LAUGHTER
0:14:38 > 0:14:41- Pass!- Pass, pass, pass!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44- OK. - KAZOO MUSIC
0:14:47 > 0:14:49HANDCLAP
0:14:57 > 0:14:58That you're beautiful!
0:14:58 > 0:15:00- Yes!- You're beautiful by...
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Um, er, that one they all like. Erm, er...
0:15:03 > 0:15:05LAUGHTER
0:15:05 > 0:15:07- It's... I want to say One Direction. - You're right!
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- APPLAUSE - Yeah!- I'll give you that. Next one.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11Next one.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14THEY PLAY KAZOO MUSIC
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- James Bond.- Yes, please!
0:15:17 > 0:15:18SCHOOL BELL
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Give it up for Ruby's team, everyone.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22APPLAUSE
0:15:22 > 0:15:26And at the end of that round, the gold star goes to...
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Ruby's team!
0:15:28 > 0:15:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Right here, right now, this is happening,
0:15:36 > 0:15:38it's Pie The Supply.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- VOICE OVER:- Pie The Supply!
0:15:40 > 0:15:43In a minute, we'll meet four real life, actual humans,
0:15:43 > 0:15:46although looking at them, I'm not so sure that's correct.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48LAUGHTER
0:15:48 > 0:15:52What I do know is that they all claim to be real head teachers.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54- AUDIENCE:- Woo!
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Only one's telling the truth.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Our teams must decide which one and if both teams then fail
0:16:00 > 0:16:04to pie the correct head teacher, they will face a penalty!
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- AUDIENCE:- Woo!
0:16:07 > 0:16:12So, let's meet the teachers. We have Ms Beeton,
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Ms Evanor,
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Mr Campbell,
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Mrs McKee. WHISTLE AND LAUGHTER
0:16:20 > 0:16:23All up for you guys at the minute. First impressions?
0:16:23 > 0:16:27I'm just going to say off the bat, this lady next to me, number four,
0:16:27 > 0:16:31- that strikes me as a head teacher. - They all look pretty scary...
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- Yeah.- They've all got this scary vibe about them.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- What do you think, Ellie? - I think number three, definitely.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- You think number three's...? - Number three or number four.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- He's giving you a look now... - Oh, he's giving you a bit of...
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- That could be a red herring. - Ruby's team?
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Number two's expression has stayed the same the whole time.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Literally, like, frozen.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52She's staring you down. Mm...
0:16:52 > 0:16:53She's thinking about...
0:16:53 > 0:16:55She's thinking about all the chores she's going to make
0:16:55 > 0:16:58her deputy head do on Monday. LAUGHTER
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Right, we've had first impressions.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Let's go back to Ellie's team. We have a head teacher in our midst.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04You can ask them anything you want.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07- We should probably ask three a question.- Yeah. Go on, then.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Number three, as a head teacher,
0:17:09 > 0:17:15if I was to call you a name, like, er, a silly sausage...
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Oh, do another one.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20- That's so naughty...- Do another one, Steve. Do another one.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Potty... boy.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23LAUGHTER
0:17:23 > 0:17:25- I don't know what I'm saying.- OK...
0:17:25 > 0:17:27The question is what would you do
0:17:27 > 0:17:29if I called you a silly sausage? And a potty boy?
0:17:29 > 0:17:33I would say to you, "My office now, boy".
0:17:33 > 0:17:35ALL: Ooh! LAUGHTER
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Let's go over to Ruby's team for a bit.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40You got any questions? Head teacher, we've got here.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42I was going to say, Mrs McGee, number four?
0:17:42 > 0:17:46My only memory of school is how everyone responds.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Could you say "Good morning, everybody"?
0:17:48 > 0:17:51And then I want to see how you react when I respond.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Good morning, everybody.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57- DEEP VOICE - Good morning, Mrs Magee!
0:17:57 > 0:17:59LAUGHTER
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- That was the correct response. - Do you want to do them all?
0:18:02 > 0:18:05- Yeah, yeah. - So, Mr Campbell. Number three.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06I wouldn't say anything
0:18:06 > 0:18:10until there was absolute silence in the assembly...
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- Ooh!- He's good.- Good.- He is good.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17- He is good.- Yeah.- OK, number two is Ms Evanor.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Well, I would wait till everyone gets quiet first
0:18:20 > 0:18:23and then I would say, "Good morning, everybody".
0:18:23 > 0:18:28- DEEP VOICE ALL:- Good morning, Ms Evanor!
0:18:28 > 0:18:30LAUGHTER
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Look, she's cracking!
0:18:32 > 0:18:33They've cracked now!
0:18:33 > 0:18:35We've cracked her!
0:18:35 > 0:18:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:38 > 0:18:41And finally, Ms Beeton, everyone. Ms Beeton.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Good morning, everybody.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- UPBEAT - Good mornin', everybody!
0:18:45 > 0:18:47LAUGHTER
0:18:47 > 0:18:49That's a school in a musical!
0:18:49 > 0:18:52One more time, Ms Beeton.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54- FAINT AMERICAN ACCENT - Good morning, everybody.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56LAUGHTER
0:18:59 > 0:19:00Gold star to Ms Beeton.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04APPLAUSE
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Right, audience, who do you think is a real head teacher?
0:19:07 > 0:19:11Please vote now. One, two, three or four? Please vote...now!
0:19:17 > 0:19:19A lot of fours there.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22And more twos than anyone expected.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Decision time now.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Ellie? Who's lied and who's about to get pied?
0:19:26 > 0:19:30It's time for you to pie the supply!
0:19:30 > 0:19:32- VOICE-OVER:- Pie the supply!
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Off you go, Ellie. Nice and gently.
0:19:34 > 0:19:40Place that pie gently into the face of the person you think is a head...
0:19:40 > 0:19:41Oh!
0:19:41 > 0:19:44LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:19:44 > 0:19:46You can keep it down there, it's fine.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52OK, Ruby, you're next. It's time to pie the supply!
0:19:52 > 0:19:54- VOICE-OVER:- Pie the supply!
0:19:54 > 0:19:56OK, Rubes.
0:19:56 > 0:19:57Nice and gently.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Chuck a pie into the face of the person you think
0:20:00 > 0:20:03runs this school, runs the joint!
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Ooh...
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Oh, Ruby!
0:20:08 > 0:20:10LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- Sorry!- It's fine.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19No-one thought Ruby had it in her.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20LAUGHTER
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Let's find out if you're right.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Would the real head teacher please step forward?
0:20:27 > 0:20:29APPLAUSE
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Which means we've got the head teacher,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35so the gold star goes to Ellie's team!
0:20:35 > 0:20:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:40 > 0:20:41Drop everything!
0:20:41 > 0:20:43It's High School Dropout.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47- VOICE-OVER:- High School Dropout!
0:20:47 > 0:20:51In a moment, two of our guests will quake in trouser-messing fear
0:20:51 > 0:20:55on this, The Dog Ate My Homework Drop Zone!
0:20:55 > 0:20:58DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:20:58 > 0:21:02Standing on the drop zones, our chosen guests have to answer
0:21:02 > 0:21:05some general knowledge questions from Hell!
0:21:05 > 0:21:07THUNDERCLAP AND DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:21:12 > 0:21:14GENTLE LAUGHTER
0:21:14 > 0:21:16The first to get three wrong is then binned.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Ellie, please tell me who you'd like to see binned.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23- Steve.- OK, Steve Bugeja.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25And Ruby, who would you like to see
0:21:25 > 0:21:27up against Steve on the bins?
0:21:27 > 0:21:28- Tom.- Tom?!
0:21:28 > 0:21:32- Yeah.- Thanks, Ruby.- You're welcome.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36So, please take your positions on your drop zone!
0:21:36 > 0:21:37APPLAUSE
0:21:39 > 0:21:44OK. Remember, first to get three questions wrong is binned.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- And the first question is for Ellie's team. So, Steve...- Yeah?
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Which of these are there more of in the world?
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Ellie, do you know the answer to this question?
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- Sheep.- Really?- She knows it!
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Have you got a smartphone, Ellie?
0:22:01 > 0:22:05- Yeah.- Have you got a sheep? - Have you got a sheep?- No!
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Already it's looking wrong. Um, I don't know.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09I guess I thought smartphones would be...
0:22:09 > 0:22:11But there's a lot of sheep in there, actually,
0:22:11 > 0:22:14when you think about it, when you go to Wales and stuff, um, I...
0:22:14 > 0:22:15I think sheep...
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Ellie thinks sheep, Martin thinks sheep.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19- Steve seems to think smartphone. - Erm...
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- I'll go for sheep. - How confident are you?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- Pretty confident, actually. - Well, it's smartphones.- Is it?!
0:22:25 > 0:22:29- Oh, man, no way.- What? - You go to amber stage, Bugeja!
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Ruby, here is your question...
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Which of the following is taller?
0:22:35 > 0:22:36The Elizabeth Tower,
0:22:36 > 0:22:41which is wrongly sometimes called Big Ben, or 56 Iain Stirlings?
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- Which is taller? - How tall are you?- He's six-foot two.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48- I'm six-foot two.- Mm...
0:22:48 > 0:22:49Erm, I think it's the Iains.
0:22:49 > 0:22:54I can tell you one is 100 metres tall, one is 96 metres tall.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55The taller one is...
0:22:55 > 0:22:5756 Iain Stirlings!
0:22:57 > 0:23:00- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Yeah!- Get in!
0:23:02 > 0:23:05OK, Steve. You've really got to get this right, mate.
0:23:05 > 0:23:06Here you go...
0:23:06 > 0:23:07If you spent...
0:23:13 > 0:23:1621 years or 15 years?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19What do you reckon? That's a lot of islands. That must be thousands.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21- 15, I'd say...- Easy for you to say.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Why on earth would you spend 21 years going around islands?
0:23:23 > 0:23:24Just silly, isn't it?
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Yes, stupid, that. 15's much better.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30- 15's great. That's just about right.- Yeah, brilliant. Love 15.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33- I will go 15, please. 15 years. - 15. Cos 21's mad, innit?
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Yeah, that's mad. There's no way it's 21.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39For doing 21 years, you would need, I don't know, 7,641 islands...
0:23:39 > 0:23:42LAUGHTER
0:23:42 > 0:23:44I don't like your tone.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46The answer is...
0:23:46 > 0:23:4921 years!
0:23:49 > 0:23:51- What?- You go to red.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Oh. This is going badly.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54LAUGHTER
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- Tom!- Yes?
0:24:05 > 0:24:07A wobbegong?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09- Wobbegong.- Are you even speaking English?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Wobbegong.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14- Ruby, what do you think it is? - I think it's a carpet shark.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16She thinks it's a carpet shark.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17- Hope you're right.- Ha, ha!
0:24:17 > 0:24:20What if I told you the right answer? Would that help?
0:24:20 > 0:24:23- Yeah.- It's a flying fox bat.- No, it must be.- It's a flying fox bat.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26- Do you think?- Yeah. - OK, I think it's a flying fox bat.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29- OK, the answer is a carpet shark.- No!
0:24:29 > 0:24:31LAUGHTER
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Ruby, you're supposed to know!
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Steve, if you get this wrong, you're binned, mate!
0:24:37 > 0:24:40And the gold star goes to Ruby's team
0:24:40 > 0:24:42because Tom's only got the one wrong.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49A snail or a slug?
0:24:49 > 0:24:51What do you think, Ellie?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53- Snail.- Snail.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55You're just guessing, Ellie, I think.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58I think everyone is, mate. No-one knows the answer to this.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01- I'm on a bin! Why is no-one taking this seriously?- This could be it.
0:25:01 > 0:25:02You could be wobbegong.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04LAUGHTER
0:25:04 > 0:25:07I'm going towards slug.
0:25:07 > 0:25:08Because it's rough on the outside
0:25:08 > 0:25:10and that's maybe considered its teeth.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13- Ooh, Martin?- Yeah.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15I think because Ellie's team captain, I think
0:25:15 > 0:25:19- you should, your executive decision.- Slug.- Slug.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Steve, before you answer the question...
0:25:22 > 0:25:24LAUGHTER
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Slug or snail?
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Erm, the opposite from what they said.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32- Snail?- I just don't trust you guys. I've lost faith, OK?
0:25:32 > 0:25:35OK! Ellie and Martin said slug.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37No, stop. Stop, actually. No, stop.
0:25:37 > 0:25:38No! LAUGHTER
0:25:38 > 0:25:41No, it's locked in now. All locked in.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- No!- Martin explained that slugs are covered in tiny little teeth.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46But you went with snail.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49ELLIE LAUGHS The answer is...
0:25:49 > 0:25:50STEVE WINCES
0:25:50 > 0:25:52LAUGHTER
0:25:54 > 0:25:55Right here.
0:25:57 > 0:25:58Slug!
0:25:59 > 0:26:01STEVE SCREAMS You're getting dropped!
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Steve... STEVE SCREAMS
0:26:04 > 0:26:05LAUGHTER
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Oh...
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Goodbye!
0:26:13 > 0:26:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:16 > 0:26:20At the end of that round, the gold star goes to...
0:26:20 > 0:26:21Ruby's team!
0:26:21 > 0:26:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- Where's Steve?- We're going to... We'll get the ladder.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- FROM AUDIENCE:- Drop him! - Drop him!
0:26:31 > 0:26:35Drop him! Drop him! Drop him!
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Drop him! Drop him! Drop him!
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Drop him! Drop him!
0:26:39 > 0:26:42APPLAUSE
0:26:45 > 0:26:50And that's just about it. All I need to do now is add up the stars.
0:26:50 > 0:26:51Ooh...
0:26:51 > 0:26:53- AUDIENCE:- Ooh...
0:26:58 > 0:27:01And the winners are...
0:27:01 > 0:27:02Ruby's team!
0:27:02 > 0:27:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:04 > 0:27:07WHISTLING AND APPLAUSE Congratulations, Ruby's team.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11As for Ellie's team, not only does a dog eat your homework,
0:27:11 > 0:27:15but you get detention. Mr Smash, it's time to take The Walk Of Shame.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17- # La, la, la, la, la, la, la... - Losers!
0:27:17 > 0:27:19- # La, la, la, la, la, la, la... - Losers!
0:27:19 > 0:27:22- # La, la, la, la, la, la, la... - Losers!
0:27:22 > 0:27:23- # La, la, la, la, la, la, la... - Losers!
0:27:23 > 0:27:25- # La, la, la, la, la, la, la... # - Losers!
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Losers.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29So, that's your lot.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32As ever, we probably didn't learn much, but do you know what?
0:27:32 > 0:27:35It was fun trying. See you next time on...
0:27:35 > 0:27:38- AUDIENCE:- The Dog Ate My Homework!
0:27:38 > 0:27:39Sees ya!
0:27:39 > 0:27:43CHEERING AND MUSIC