0:00:02 > 0:00:04- Across the UK... - Sightings have been reported
0:00:04 > 0:00:05of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08- What does it want from us? - Thousands of children...
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:16He is...
0:00:18 > 0:00:20..the Joke Master.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21That's me-e-e!
0:00:21 > 0:00:24And this is The Joke Machine.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Joke Machine activate!
0:00:30 > 0:00:32PARP!
0:00:32 > 0:00:33I've not been well.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35HE SNIFFS
0:00:35 > 0:00:36Joke Machine activate.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38HUMMING
0:00:38 > 0:00:39PARP!
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Where are we going?
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- Yay!- Yay!
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Let's get these jokers cracking up!
0:00:58 > 0:01:00OK, what have you got for me?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Why did the picture go to jail?
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Because it got framed.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Ha-ha-ha! That was good.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Yes!
0:01:08 > 0:01:09What have we got?
0:01:09 > 0:01:12What happened when the Forth Bridge blew down?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14They built a fifth one.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17That's not funny, mate. That's just good city planning. It's logical.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19You're sacked!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21You can't fire me. You're not my boss.
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Yes, I can.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26If you're my boss, how come you never show up to the Christmas parties?
0:01:31 > 0:01:32This better not be a bad one.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Why are robbers so good at tennis?
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Because they spend so much of their time in court.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40They do! That's funny!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Yay!
0:01:43 > 0:01:47What goes 99 thump, 99 thump, 99 thump?
0:01:47 > 0:01:48What?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50A centipede with a wooden leg.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51Hey, what does this button do?
0:01:54 > 0:01:55SPLASH!
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Ha-ha-ha!
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Why can't you find aspirin in the jungle?
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Because the "parrots eat 'em all".
0:02:01 > 0:02:03HE COUGHS
0:02:03 > 0:02:06You are the cure for funny, and I need to take two pills of it.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Yay!
0:02:11 > 0:02:15Come to me, Class Two, for I need jokes.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Armley Primary School!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Three, two, one...
0:02:28 > 0:02:29Joke off!
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Hey, welcome to The Joke Machine!
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Do not disappoint me.
0:02:36 > 0:02:37What's a kangaroo's favourite film?
0:02:37 > 0:02:39The Hoppit.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Some of my best friends are hobbits. Not funny.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Nnngh!
0:02:44 > 0:02:49Ah. You're speaking Middle Earth. Well, it's off to Mordor with you.
0:02:53 > 0:02:58Your school needs this joke to be funny. I need this to be funny.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00There's two snowmen, and one of them said,
0:03:00 > 0:03:02"Can you smell carrots?"
0:03:02 > 0:03:06And the other snowman said, "Yes, and my hands are a bit sticky."
0:03:06 > 0:03:08BUZZ!
0:03:08 > 0:03:12Oh, sorry, did you tell a joke? I thought it was just the wind.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16That's just one joke I have, but you only have one face.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Right, there was a packet of crisps walking down the road,
0:03:22 > 0:03:25and a man pulled over and he said, "Do you want a lift?"
0:03:25 > 0:03:27And they said, "No, cos we're Walkers."
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Next!
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Because he wanted cold hard-earned cash.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Ha-ha! Woo-ha-ha!
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Stop it! You're tickling me!
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Hoo-hoo-ha-ha!
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Not the face! Not the face!
0:03:47 > 0:03:49"Doctor, Doctor!" "What's the matter?"
0:03:49 > 0:03:52"I feel like a pair of curtains."
0:03:52 > 0:03:54"Pull yourself together, boy."
0:03:54 > 0:03:55Um...
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Sorry, I'm just searching for the funny, and I can't find it.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Well, you tell me a joke, then.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03A child walks into a Joke Machine.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Ouch!
0:04:07 > 0:04:09It's the last one from your class. Make it count.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- Knock knock.- Who's there?
0:04:11 > 0:04:13- Egbert.- Egbert who?
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Egbert no bacon.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17That is egg-zactly the type of joke I like.
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Yeah! Woo!
0:04:20 > 0:04:21I said "egg-zactly".
0:04:23 > 0:04:27Hmm. Who should win? Uh...
0:04:27 > 0:04:29You!
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- Wallacestone!- Yay!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- Boo!- Be proud in defeat, Armley.
0:04:36 > 0:04:41Whew! Some good gags, guys, good gags.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44But not enough-ah!
0:04:44 > 0:04:46So I'll see you again. Joke you later!