0:35:02 > 0:35:04- 'Across the UK...- Sightings have been reported of a mysterious
0:35:04 > 0:35:07- 'object in the sky. - What does it want from us?
0:35:07 > 0:35:11'Thousands of children, hoping they will be chosen.
0:35:11 > 0:35:17'One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. He is...
0:35:18 > 0:35:20'..the Joke Master!'
0:35:20 > 0:35:22That's my name. Don't wear it out.
0:35:25 > 0:35:26'And this is The Joke Machine.'
0:35:29 > 0:35:32Joke machine, activate!
0:35:32 > 0:35:34WHIRRING
0:35:37 > 0:35:38Joke machine, activate.
0:35:41 > 0:35:42Where are we going?
0:35:44 > 0:35:47THEY CHEER
0:35:52 > 0:35:55Cracking up time, jokesters!
0:35:56 > 0:35:59Come on, come on, come on, I want some jokes!
0:35:59 > 0:36:02- What's green and sits in the corner?- What?
0:36:02 > 0:36:03The incredible...
0:36:03 > 0:36:04sulk.
0:36:04 > 0:36:09Whoa, someone call the binman because that joke was rubbish.
0:36:09 > 0:36:10You want a piece of me?
0:36:16 > 0:36:17Next!
0:36:17 > 0:36:20Did you hear about the man who drowned in his muesli?
0:36:20 > 0:36:23Apparently he got dragged down by a strong currant.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25That is a tragic, tragic story.
0:36:26 > 0:36:28SHE SCREAMS
0:36:31 > 0:36:32Hello. Are you funny?
0:36:32 > 0:36:34Why wouldn't I be?
0:36:34 > 0:36:36All right. Hit me with your joke.
0:36:36 > 0:36:40- Why can't you invite footballers to dinner?- Why?
0:36:40 > 0:36:42Because they dribble so much.
0:36:42 > 0:36:43I was expecting so much
0:36:43 > 0:36:45and you delivered so little.
0:36:46 > 0:36:48SHE SCREAMS
0:36:48 > 0:36:50I just need a good joke!
0:36:50 > 0:36:53I asked my grandad what I was having for dinner
0:36:53 > 0:36:55and he went, stewed balloons with the skin off.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58And I didn't get anything for dinner!
0:36:58 > 0:37:00Ha-ha-ha!
0:37:04 > 0:37:06What do you call your sister's ex-boyfriend?
0:37:06 > 0:37:08What?
0:37:08 > 0:37:09Out of date.
0:37:11 > 0:37:12Funny!
0:37:12 > 0:37:14Get in there!
0:37:14 > 0:37:16Next joke!
0:37:16 > 0:37:19Where does a policeman live?
0:37:19 > 0:37:20999 Letsby Avenue.
0:37:20 > 0:37:22Woo-hoo!
0:37:25 > 0:37:26More, more, more!
0:37:28 > 0:37:30- Is that a Blue Peter badge?- Yeah.
0:37:30 > 0:37:32Did you get it for telling jokes?
0:37:32 > 0:37:34No.
0:37:34 > 0:37:36Oh. Well. Tell me a joke.
0:37:36 > 0:37:40- What cheese do you use to disguise a horse?- What?
0:37:40 > 0:37:41Mask-er-pony.
0:37:41 > 0:37:45How dare you come in here with that rubbish!
0:37:45 > 0:37:49You are actually a brain-eating alien from Mars.
0:37:49 > 0:37:53A brain-eating alien. That is so ridiculous. I eat peas.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Let's get me some new jokes.
0:38:05 > 0:38:08THEY CHEER
0:38:12 > 0:38:13Joke away.
0:38:15 > 0:38:16Joke it up.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19- Why wasn't the elephant allowed on the beach?- Why?
0:38:19 > 0:38:21Because he couldn't keep his trunks up.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24Hee-hee-hee, yeah, that is funny!
0:38:24 > 0:38:25Thank you very much, sir.
0:38:28 > 0:38:32What do you get when you cross nuts with facial hair?
0:38:32 > 0:38:34Pistachio mustachio.
0:38:34 > 0:38:38That was wal-nut funny, so ses-a-me.
0:38:44 > 0:38:47- Why are teddy bears never hungry?- Why?
0:38:47 > 0:38:49Because they are always stuffed.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51Teddy bears are so good! You know why?
0:38:51 > 0:38:53Because they scare away the nightmares.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55Yay!
0:38:55 > 0:38:58I want some more! I want some more!
0:38:58 > 0:39:00What happens when you eat yeast and polish?
0:39:00 > 0:39:01What?
0:39:01 > 0:39:04Of course, every morning you rise and shine.
0:39:04 > 0:39:06Ooh, it was tragic!
0:39:11 > 0:39:14Well, I am sick of bad jokes, make it good!
0:39:14 > 0:39:18Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bridge! What's come over you?
0:39:18 > 0:39:2125 cars, a bus and a lorry.
0:39:21 > 0:39:23That was just awful.
0:39:23 > 0:39:24Who gave you this job?
0:39:24 > 0:39:26Why, I saw it advertised
0:39:26 > 0:39:29in the paper and I went in for the interview and what can I say?
0:39:29 > 0:39:31I'm just really good in interviews.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35Hmm... Who was the victor?
0:39:37 > 0:39:39It was...
0:39:39 > 0:39:41you!
0:39:41 > 0:39:42Spring Bank!
0:39:42 > 0:39:45THEY CHEER
0:39:45 > 0:39:46BOOING
0:39:46 > 0:39:49It's not my fault you didn't come up with the goods.
0:39:50 > 0:39:53Whoo! Got some good jokes there.
0:39:53 > 0:39:54But I...
0:39:54 > 0:39:56need more!
0:39:56 > 0:39:58So I'll see you again.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00Joke you later, Jokesters!