0:00:02 > 0:00:04- Across the UK... - ..sightings have been reported
0:00:04 > 0:00:07- of a mysterious object in the sky. - What does it want from us?
0:00:07 > 0:00:10- Thousands of children... - ..hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17He is...
0:00:17 > 0:00:19The Joke Master.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21That's me!
0:00:21 > 0:00:25And this is The Joke Machine.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Joke machine, activate!
0:00:30 > 0:00:33MACHINE POWERS DOWN AND EMITS A LOW HUM
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Where are we going?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45ALL: Yay!
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Let's get cracking, jokers!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Go, go, go.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Why did the bald man not have any keys?
0:00:59 > 0:01:00Cos he had new locks.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Yes!
0:01:02 > 0:01:05BEEPS LIKE A ROBOT
0:01:05 > 0:01:06Yes!
0:01:08 > 0:01:09What did the fish say when
0:01:09 > 0:01:11he swam into the wall?
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Dam!
0:01:12 > 0:01:14BUZZER
0:01:14 > 0:01:21F-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ish...
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Sssshush!
0:01:23 > 0:01:27A man's going to a fancy dress party with a girl on his back
0:01:27 > 0:01:29and someone asks him, "What are you?"
0:01:29 > 0:01:32And he says, "A tortoise."
0:01:32 > 0:01:35And he says, "Well, why do you have a girl on your back?"
0:01:35 > 0:01:38And he says, "That's Mi-shell."
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Eh... huh?
0:01:40 > 0:01:41BUZZER
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Are you funny?
0:01:47 > 0:01:48I believe so.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Go for it. Good luck.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53What do you call a man with no body or nose?
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Nobody knows.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57- BUZZER - Crikey, that is a bad joke.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58How dare you!
0:01:58 > 0:02:01I got that joke
0:02:01 > 0:02:03off a singing student of my mum's.
0:02:03 > 0:02:08Wow. I hope you sold the Hollywood film rights to that story.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Send in the next one!
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Come on, break my run of bad jokes.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17- Why do the French eat snails?- Why?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Cos they don't like fast food.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21It is good.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes.
0:02:28 > 0:02:29I want more!
0:02:34 > 0:02:37THEY SCREAM
0:02:42 > 0:02:43Joke time!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Welcome to The Joke Machine. Now, get joking.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51What's a giant ape and flies at 5,000 miles per hour?
0:02:51 > 0:02:53What?
0:02:53 > 0:02:54A King Concorde.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56- BUZZER - Mm, sad face.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Go back to your fat granny's condo,
0:02:58 > 0:03:00ask her to make some cookies and stay there.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Who do you think you are?
0:03:02 > 0:03:04A human being.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Valid answer, but it's still the wrong one.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08And who likes wrong answers?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Cupcake does.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Ahh!
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Oh, come on... Give me a good one!
0:03:17 > 0:03:20What you call cheese that isn't yours?
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Nacho cheese.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Ay, ay, ay!
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Ho-ho, I hope the good times keep coming!
0:03:39 > 0:03:41How do you spot a modern spider?
0:03:41 > 0:03:42I don't know. How?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44It doesn't have a web, it has a website.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46BUZZER
0:03:48 > 0:03:49Nice entrance.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51What does the pig say on the sunny summer holidays?
0:03:51 > 0:03:52What?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54I'm "bakin'."
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Yes! Yes, that is a great joke!
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Yay!
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Next joke, please.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03What did the sharpener say to the pencil?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Stop going around in circles and get to the point.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Woo-woo-hoo, ah, yes!
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Woo-hoo, woo-hoo, woo-hoo!
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Who won that one?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17It was...
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Zowie!
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Roscoe.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23THEY BOO
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Don't boo me, boo yourselves.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Phew, we got some good jokes there,
0:04:30 > 0:04:32but I need more.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34So, I'll see you again.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Joke you later, gagsters!