0:00:02 > 0:00:04- Across the UK... - ..sightings have been reported
0:00:04 > 0:00:05of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07What does it want from us?
0:00:07 > 0:00:10- Thousands of children... - ..hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:16He is...
0:00:18 > 0:00:20..the Joke Master.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Did someone say my name?
0:00:22 > 0:00:24And this is The Joke Machine.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Joke machine, activate!
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Cough-cough... Joke machine, activate!
0:00:36 > 0:00:38MACHINE RUMBLES
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Where are we going?
0:00:42 > 0:00:43- ALL:- Yay!
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Make me crack up, you jokesters!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55First up, let's see how it goes.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Why did the scarecrow win an award?
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Don't know.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Because he was outstanding in his field.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02BUZZER
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Well, even with these I cannot see the funny.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11I can see my house from here, though.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15What's a pirate's favourite subject?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Arr-E.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18Wha! Funny.
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Send in the next one.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Doctor, Doctor! I think I need glasses.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28You certainly do, this is a restaurant.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Foo-hoo-hoo, that is funny.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Yes!
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Beat you!
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Oh, have you?
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Ah!
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Hm?
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Hello, mate. Has anybody ever said you're funny?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43No. Very sad.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Oh... Onwards and upwards.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47What's a cat's favourite colour?
0:01:47 > 0:01:48Don't know.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Purrr-ple.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51BUZZER
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Ugh... Surely you can do a better cat impression than that.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Not really, no. I'm not a cat.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59You can't do an impression of a cat and you're not even funny.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Well, Michael McIntyre got everything from me.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Yeah, well, that's probably why he doesn't do anything about cats.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Bring in the next one!
0:02:11 > 0:02:14What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I've got a feeling I know this one.
0:02:16 > 0:02:17A woolly jumper.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Yes, I do. And I like it!
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Yes! Come on!
0:02:22 > 0:02:23Legend.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Bring me the new class.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36- ALL:- Holy Family!
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Join the joke battle!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46You've got a jokey-wokey?
0:02:46 > 0:02:49- What did the bird say when his cage fell apart?- What?
0:02:49 > 0:02:50"CHEAP-CHEAP."
0:02:50 > 0:02:51BUZZER
0:02:51 > 0:02:52HE WHISTLES
0:02:52 > 0:02:54What's that, Polly?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Oh, you didn't think that joke was funny as well?
0:02:57 > 0:03:01Calling yourself the Joke Master, you're more like the lame master.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02What did you call me?
0:03:05 > 0:03:06OK, what have you got for me?
0:03:06 > 0:03:10- What did the tissue say to the nose?- What?
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Don't get snotty with me!
0:03:12 > 0:03:15BLOWING NOSE
0:03:15 > 0:03:18What's in there? Oh, it's a whole lot of funny.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Yes, thanks. You're not so bad after all.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24That's really nice of you to say. I don't get many compliments.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29I was walking in the zoo and I saw a man push a rhino over.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31I said to him, "You can't leave that lying on the floor."
0:03:31 > 0:03:34And he said to me, "It's not a LION, it's a rhino."
0:03:34 > 0:03:35BUZZER
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Give me an N... N! Give me an O... O!
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Give me a T... T! Give me a funny... Funny!
0:03:41 > 0:03:43What have we got? Not funny.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Oh, shut up.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50You wouldn't know a joke if it fell out of the sky and knocked you out.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Bye.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54No, you don't know what you're doing!
0:03:54 > 0:03:56I hope he doesn't speak to his mother with that mouth.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58Tell me your joke.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01What's the difference between a schoolteacher and a train?
0:04:01 > 0:04:02Don't know.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Well, the teacher says "Spit your gum out."
0:04:04 > 0:04:06And the train says, "CHEW-CHEW-CHEW."
0:04:06 > 0:04:07BUZZER
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Get away from me, bad joke!
0:04:13 > 0:04:15This better not be a bad one.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- Why did the werewolf get arrested at the butcher shop?- Why?
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Cos it was caught CHOP-lifting.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Boom, boom, boom!
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Yay!
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Hm...
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Who is the victor?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30It was...
0:04:30 > 0:04:31you!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34St Edmund's!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36THEY CHEER
0:04:36 > 0:04:38THEY BOO
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Holy cow... You lost, Holy Family.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Whoo!
0:04:43 > 0:04:46We got some funny stuff in the bag,
0:04:46 > 0:04:47but I want more!
0:04:48 > 0:04:49So, I'll see you again.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Joke you later, jokey jokers.