0:00:02 > 0:00:03Across the UK...
0:00:03 > 0:00:06Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:00:06 > 0:00:07What does it want from us?
0:00:07 > 0:00:10- Thousands of children... - Hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17He is...
0:00:18 > 0:00:19The Joke Master.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21That's me!
0:00:21 > 0:00:23And this is The Joke Machine.
0:00:27 > 0:00:31Joke machine, activate.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Oh...
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Joke machine, activate!
0:00:34 > 0:00:37MACHINE RUMBLES
0:00:37 > 0:00:38Where are we going?
0:00:41 > 0:00:42ALL: Yay!
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Make me crack up, you jokesters.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Come on, buddy. Hit me with it.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54- Who's the most famous ant? - Don't know.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Albert Antstein.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00L-O-L-O-L-O-L!
0:01:00 > 0:01:01That's a funny joke.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Let's keep it going.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08What did the cross-eyed teacher say to the head teacher?
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Don't know.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12I'm struggling to control my pupils.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Ha-ha-ha!
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Woo-hoo!
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Yay!
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Two thumbs up.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23And the hits keep on coming.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26What kind of paper likes music?
0:01:26 > 0:01:27"Rapping" paper.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29- BUZZER - Oh, gosh...
0:01:29 > 0:01:32I do not want to wrap a present in Kanye.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34You stink and I don't like your hair.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36You have a weird face and I don't like it.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39You have no taste in jokes and you are the weirdest person in the world.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Well, are you finished with that rant?
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Because first of all, I don't stink.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45I wear deodorant every day!
0:01:45 > 0:01:49And I can't remember the other stuff you said, but it's hurtful.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Ha-ha-ha! Ahh!
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Why did the schoolgirl skip the line?
0:01:59 > 0:02:00Because she didn't want to walk it.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02- BUZZER - You've just told us
0:02:02 > 0:02:04a statement, not a joke.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Next!
0:02:09 > 0:02:13Well, I am sick of bad jokes. Make it good.
0:02:13 > 0:02:14What do you call a fish with no eyes?
0:02:14 > 0:02:15Fsh!
0:02:15 > 0:02:17BUZZER
0:02:18 > 0:02:21The Joke Master has but one wish...
0:02:21 > 0:02:25That no joke ever mentions fish!
0:02:30 > 0:02:31Class one, done.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Class two...what have you got?
0:02:41 > 0:02:44ALL: Birley Spa!
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Join the joke battle.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Hit me with your joke, yeah.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Why?
0:02:57 > 0:02:58Cos his daddy was a mummy.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01Funny.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Ooh-ooh!
0:03:04 > 0:03:05Next.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Hit me with it.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11How you get creases out of superheroes' clothes?
0:03:11 > 0:03:12Call Iron Man.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13- BUZZER - Wow, you didn't hit me
0:03:13 > 0:03:16with a funny bone, you just hit me with a bone and it hurt.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18You don't know owt about jokes.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20I don't know WHAT about jokes?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22You don't know owt about jokes.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Nope... I've no idea what you're saying.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Tell me your joke.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Why did the muddy chicken cross the road twice?
0:03:31 > 0:03:33I don't know.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Cos it was a dirty double-crosser.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- BUZZER - At least that muddy chicken
0:03:37 > 0:03:39had something to stand on... Unlike you!
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Ahh!
0:03:42 > 0:03:43Ha-ha-ha.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46How do you make a fruit punch?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Give it boxing lessons.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52Ding-ding! Round one to you. That is a great joke.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55CHEERING
0:03:57 > 0:03:58It wasn't that funny.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01What has four legs and flies?
0:04:01 > 0:04:02Dead horse.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- BUZZER - Well, unfortunately for you,
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Cupcake's best friend is a dead horse.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09Ahh!
0:04:10 > 0:04:12He-he-he.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16What do you call a thing that's big, furry, and flies?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18A hot-air baboon.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Ha-ha-ha! Yes, that joke was so good
0:04:22 > 0:04:25I'm going to put a dress on it and take it out on a date.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- Thank you.- That's OK.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31I wonder who won that one. Hmm?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33It was...
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Bingo!
0:04:35 > 0:04:36Birley Spa.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39ALL: Boo!
0:04:39 > 0:04:41You're out of luck, Newton.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Oh, some good jokes there, but none of them...
0:04:46 > 0:04:49- PHONE RINGS - Excuse me. Hello?
0:04:49 > 0:04:53Oh, hi, sweetheart. Yeah, I'm almost finished here. OK...
0:04:53 > 0:04:56No, you hang up. No, you... She hung up.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Joke you later, jokesters!