0:00:02 > 0:00:03Across the UK...
0:00:03 > 0:00:05Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky...
0:00:05 > 0:00:07What does it want from us?
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Thousands of children...
0:00:09 > 0:00:10Hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:10 > 0:00:16One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. He is...
0:00:18 > 0:00:20..the Joke Master.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21That's me!
0:00:21 > 0:00:23And this is The Joke Machine.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Joke Machine, activate.
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Oh.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Joke Machine, activate!
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Where are we going?
0:00:40 > 0:00:43- ALL:- Bournville Primary will take you on!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Make me crack up, you Jokesters.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53One, two, three...jokes!
0:00:53 > 0:00:56What did the maths book say to the maths book?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Boy, do I have problems!
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Ha-ha-ha! Funny times funny equals funny.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Ye-a-a-a-h!
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Squared.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Hey. Do you think you're funny?
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Oh, yeah.
0:01:10 > 0:01:11Give me a joke.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14The teacher says to her class, "Stand up if you're stupid."
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Nobody stands up.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19She says, "Oh, come on,
0:01:19 > 0:01:22"there must be someone stupid."
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Then little Johnny stands up.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27She says, "Ah, little Johnny, are you stupid, then?"
0:01:27 > 0:01:31He says, "No. I just don't want to leave you standing."
0:01:31 > 0:01:33BUZZER
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Your delivery was horrendous!
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39I think it's pronounced, "banana".
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Well, this has been tedious.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Why do bikes fall over?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Because they're TWO TYRED.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Oh, I wish I had more thighs to slap!
0:01:50 > 0:01:51- DING - Yes!
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Woo! Next joke!
0:01:53 > 0:01:55- What do you kill a bee with?- What?
0:01:55 > 0:01:57A BB gun.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Bye-bye, bees.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Hello, giggles.
0:02:00 > 0:02:01DING Yeah!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Next batter!
0:02:03 > 0:02:05What do you get if you cross a fish and an elephant?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08- Swimming trunks. - BUZZER
0:02:11 > 0:02:15No-o-o-o! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I said no fish jokes!
0:02:19 > 0:02:22I just need a good joke!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24What do you call cheese that is not yours?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27NACHO cheese!
0:02:27 > 0:02:28Ay-yay-yay!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Wooooo!
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Thank you.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50New class, new jokes.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58- ALL:- Brentnall Primary!
0:03:01 > 0:03:06OK, Class Two, am I buying what you're selling, hmmm?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Jokey, jokey, jokes!
0:03:10 > 0:03:13What do you call a tiny dog with big ears?
0:03:13 > 0:03:14I don't know.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15A half of a rabbit. BUZZER
0:03:15 > 0:03:17No-o-o-o!
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Ah!
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Bring in the next one.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25I walked into my classroom and the boy said,
0:03:25 > 0:03:26"Can I go to the toilet?"
0:03:26 > 0:03:29And the teacher said, "Only if you can say the alphabet."
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Then the boy said, "OK.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32"A, B, C, D, E, F, G...
0:03:32 > 0:03:35H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O,
0:03:35 > 0:03:38"Q, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z."
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Then the teacher said, "Where's the P?"
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Then the boy said, "Halfway down my leg."
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Wait, A, B, C, D...
0:03:45 > 0:03:49Ha-ha, yes! Yes! I like it!
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- DING - Yes!
0:03:51 > 0:03:52He's wet his pants!
0:03:52 > 0:03:56What do you call a monster that picks his nose?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- A bogeyman. - BUZZER
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Well, that was a disaster of a joke. Bye!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Aaaaah!
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Next!
0:04:05 > 0:04:09Your school needs this joke to be funny, I need this joke to be funny.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Bash asked his mum, "Please can I play with my Wii?"
0:04:12 > 0:04:14And his mum said, "Yeah, wash your hands after."
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Yes!
0:04:16 > 0:04:18DING Yay!
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Next joke!
0:04:20 > 0:04:21What colour is a burp?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23I don't know, what colour is it?
0:04:23 > 0:04:24Burple.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25BUZZER
0:04:25 > 0:04:27I'm going to... Excuse me, I'm going to...
0:04:27 > 0:04:29No, I thought a laugh was coming, but it's not.
0:04:29 > 0:04:30Oh! How dare you!
0:04:30 > 0:04:32How dare you show up with an unfunny joke!
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Hmmm, who should win?
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Uh...
0:04:42 > 0:04:44You!
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Bournville!
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Turn that frown upside down.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Woo, got some good jokes there, didn't we?
0:04:54 > 0:04:58- HE IMITATES AN APE: - But me need more ha-ha!
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Joke you later!