0:00:02 > 0:00:03- FEMALE REPORTER:- Sightings have been reported
0:00:03 > 0:00:05of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07- MALE REPORTER: - What does it want from us?
0:00:07 > 0:00:08Thousands of children...
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15One man is one a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:16He is...
0:00:17 > 0:00:19..The Joke Master.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21That's me!
0:00:21 > 0:00:23And THIS is The Joke Machine!
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Joke Machine, activate!
0:00:29 > 0:00:30Hup!
0:00:30 > 0:00:31THUD
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Joke Machine, activate?
0:00:36 > 0:00:37MECHANICAL WHIRRING
0:00:39 > 0:00:40Where are we going?
0:00:42 > 0:00:43CHEERING
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Let's get cracking, Jokers!
0:00:52 > 0:00:54One, two, three, jokes!
0:00:54 > 0:00:58What did the hippie say to the Stone Age man who arrived three
0:00:58 > 0:01:00- hours late at the party?- What?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02"You're early, man!".
0:01:02 > 0:01:06LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO... Hello!
0:01:06 > 0:01:07That's a funny joke.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Yay!
0:01:09 > 0:01:10Next joke.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?
0:01:13 > 0:01:14What?
0:01:14 > 0:01:16A labra-cadabra-dor.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18KLAXON No. No!
0:01:20 > 0:01:21SHE SCREAMS
0:01:23 > 0:01:26What has eyes that cannot see, a soul that cannot die
0:01:26 > 0:01:28and tongues that cannot taste?
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- I don't know.- A shoe.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad joke.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Please, may I speak to your manager?
0:01:36 > 0:01:40Yeah, I'll just get him. Hello, Mr Manager. Shall I get rid of this guy?
0:01:40 > 0:01:44Yes, get rid of him! The joke was bad! OK!
0:01:45 > 0:01:46LASER BLASTS
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
0:01:50 > 0:01:53What do you call two rows of vegetables?
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Dual cabbage way.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Whoop, whoop, whoop!
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Health and Safety never takes a day off,
0:01:58 > 0:02:01because that joke was so funny, it was dangerous!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Yes!
0:02:03 > 0:02:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- What game to zombie kids like to play?- What?
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Corpse and robbers.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11HE GROWLS LIKE A ZOMBIE
0:02:11 > 0:02:14IN GROWLY VOICE: I've come to tell you that I really like that joke.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Really?
0:02:16 > 0:02:17HE GIGGLES
0:02:17 > 0:02:19HE GURGLES AND GROWLS
0:02:19 > 0:02:21What's the purpose of a child's middle name?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23So they can tell how much trouble they're in.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25I've been in a lot of trouble in my life,
0:02:25 > 0:02:28and because I don't have a middle name, my parents just go...
0:02:28 > 0:02:30You couldn't tell a joke that good.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31Yes, I could.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35An Englishman, an Irishman and a Dutchman all get along.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Go for it, maestro.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- Why was the potato embarrassed when he opened the fridge?- Why?
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Because he saw the salad dressing.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Woo-hoo!
0:02:47 > 0:02:48YES!!!
0:02:50 > 0:02:51It wasn't that funny.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56New class, new jokes.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04CHEERING
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Welcome to The Joke Machine. Now, get joking.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Hello, little lady.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Last night, I dreamt of eating a giant marshmallow,
0:03:17 > 0:03:20and when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22It is good!
0:03:22 > 0:03:23YES!!!
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Let's keep it going!
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a dog.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31The doctor said, "Don't worry just sit down on the couch."
0:03:31 > 0:03:35He said, "Don't mind my plaid." I can't, cos I'm a dog.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39The three biggest disasters I've experienced, volcano,
0:03:39 > 0:03:42asteroid and that joke.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Bring in the next one.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Denied!
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Make it good.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01This teacher pointed at a boy with a ruler and said,
0:04:01 > 0:04:04"There's an idiot at the end of this stick."
0:04:04 > 0:04:07The boy got a detention for asking, "Which end?".
0:04:07 > 0:04:09You can't tell jokes at all!
0:04:09 > 0:04:10HE SCREAMS
0:04:13 > 0:04:17What's green, oblong, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
0:04:17 > 0:04:18- What?- A snooker table.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Whoo! That's a knee slapper!
0:04:22 > 0:04:24There you go.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25YAY!!!
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Whooo! Now we're cooking!
0:04:27 > 0:04:31What did Santa say to Ms Claus when it was raining in the North Pole?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33"Looks like rain, dear."
0:04:33 > 0:04:37That joke was so bad, Santa's not going to give it any presents.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Hmm. Who should win? Er...
0:04:44 > 0:04:46DRUM ROLL
0:04:46 > 0:04:47You!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Dunblane!
0:04:49 > 0:04:50CHEERING
0:04:51 > 0:04:54So that's what losing feels like? I wouldn't know.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Whoo! Got some good jokes there, didn't we?
0:04:57 > 0:05:00IN CAVEMAN VOICE: But me need more, ha, ha.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01HE GRUNTS
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Joke you later!
0:05:05 > 0:05:06MECHANICAL WHIRRING