0:00:02 > 0:00:04- FEMALE REPORTER:- Sightings have been reported
0:00:04 > 0:00:06of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:00:06 > 0:00:07- MALE REPORTER: - What does it want from us?
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Thousands of children...
0:00:09 > 0:00:11Hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:11 > 0:00:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:16He is...
0:00:18 > 0:00:20..the Joke Master.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22That's my name, don't wear it out.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25And THIS is The Joke Machine!
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Joke Machine, activated!
0:00:31 > 0:00:32BIRTHDAY BLOWERS
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Ah! Uh-huh! Uh...
0:00:35 > 0:00:37HE SIGHS
0:00:37 > 0:00:38Joke Machine, activate.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Where are we going?
0:00:44 > 0:00:45CHEERING
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Crack a nut time, jokesters!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56# Hit me with your joke, yeah! #
0:00:56 > 0:00:59What is Beethoven doing in his grave?
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Decomposing.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02I am not amused.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07Seriously? What are you thinking? You're rubbish at laughter.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10You just didn't elicit any from me.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14Go for it. Good luck.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18A dog walked into a newspaper office to place an ad in the paper.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20He took out a blank piece of paper and wrote,
0:01:20 > 0:01:23"Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof ,woof, woof."
0:01:23 > 0:01:26The staff said, "There are only nine "woofs" here.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28"You can have another "woof" for the same price."
0:01:28 > 0:01:31The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all."
0:01:31 > 0:01:35You make me ha, ha, ha! You've made me ha, ha, ha!
0:01:35 > 0:01:36DING!
0:01:36 > 0:01:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:37 > 0:01:38More, more, more!
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Why was the cemetery crowded?
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Because everybody was dying to get in!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47I looked up funny in the dictionary, and you weren't there.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48KLAXON
0:01:50 > 0:01:51ANIMAL GROWLS
0:01:51 > 0:01:52But you were listed under lame.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55- Where do you cross a zebra?- Where?
0:01:55 > 0:01:56A zebra crossing.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00You gave away the punch line in the set-up! Rookie mistake!
0:02:00 > 0:02:04- Well, I'm funnier than you. - You are NOT funnier than me!
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- Huh?- What do you call twin vampires?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- What?- Blood brothers.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I VANT to suck the blood from your joke!
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Yes! Get in there!
0:02:19 > 0:02:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:20 > 0:02:23What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Oh! What could be worse than that?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Finding half a worm.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Oh, that means I've eaten the other half! Ahhh! That's good!
0:02:30 > 0:02:31Yay!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Bring in the next victims, I mean, Jokers!
0:02:43 > 0:02:44CHEERING
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Shall we get cracking, Jokers?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Come on, come on, come on, I want some jokes!
0:02:57 > 0:02:59What did the big chicken say to the small chicken?
0:02:59 > 0:03:02- I don't know, what? - "You're too young to lay an egg."
0:03:02 > 0:03:05You should've kept that joke cooped up inside.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Come on! Give me a good one!
0:03:10 > 0:03:13What's the same about a shark and a fish?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16One is can-able and the other is a cannibal.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17KLAXON
0:03:18 > 0:03:21When you walked in, I thought, "I like this guy",
0:03:21 > 0:03:23but then you said a joke about fish and now I don't like you!
0:03:23 > 0:03:25You're a wee idiot!
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Am I?
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Ahhh!
0:03:32 > 0:03:33GLASS BREAKS
0:03:33 > 0:03:34Next!
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- Why did the teacher jump over the clock?- Don't know, why?
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Cos she wanted some overtime.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40Eh-eh!
0:03:40 > 0:03:41SHE SCREECHES
0:03:41 > 0:03:45I'm a princess! And you don't disrespect princesses like that!
0:03:45 > 0:03:50Princesses here, Joke Master is up here, hanging out with the king.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53SHE YELPS
0:03:53 > 0:03:54FROG CROAKS
0:03:55 > 0:03:57- Knock, knock.- Who's there?
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- I love Doctor.- I love Doctor who?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Well, you love Doctor Who now, don't you?
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Well, I prefer Torchwood, I just don't know what you're getting at.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- Well, tell me your joke! You're not funny either!- Knock, knock.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Who's there?
0:04:11 > 0:04:12HE SCREAMS
0:04:14 > 0:04:16It's the last one from your class. Make it count.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19There's a cowboy and he goes into town on Friday.
0:04:19 > 0:04:24He stays for two nights and goes home on Friday. How does he do it?
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Something about the horse?
0:04:25 > 0:04:27His horse's name is Friday.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29I knew it and I still love it!
0:04:29 > 0:04:30Yay!
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Hmm. Who was the victor?
0:04:35 > 0:04:36It was...
0:04:36 > 0:04:38DRUM ROLL
0:04:38 > 0:04:40You.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41St James's!
0:04:41 > 0:04:43CHEERING
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Cheer up, it's home time soon.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53Whoo! We got some funny stuff. Funny stuff. But I need more!
0:04:53 > 0:04:55So, check you later, Jokesters.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58MECHANICAL WHIRRING