0:00:00 > 0:00:02- Across the UK...- Sightings have been reported of a mysterious
0:00:02 > 0:00:03object in the sky.
0:00:03 > 0:00:05What does it want from us?
0:00:05 > 0:00:06Thousands of children...
0:00:06 > 0:00:09Hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:13 > 0:00:14He is...
0:00:16 > 0:00:18The Joke Master.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20That's me.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22This is The Joke Machine.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Joke Machine, activate!
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Aww!
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Joke Machine, activate!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Where are we going?
0:00:38 > 0:00:40ALL: Yeah!
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Make me crack up, you jokesters.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Joke away, but do not disappoint me.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Would you like to hear my builder's joke?
0:00:53 > 0:00:54I would love to hear your builder's joke.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Oh, wait. Sorry, I'm still working on it.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59So funny.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02You are the best joke master I've ever seen.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06Thank you. But, wait. What other Joke Master's have you seen?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Hey! Come back! Come back! I need a...
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Which room has no walls?
0:01:12 > 0:01:13I don't know. Which room?
0:01:13 > 0:01:14A mushroom.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17No!
0:01:17 > 0:01:20You should look up joke in a dictionary.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Argh!
0:01:24 > 0:01:26CRASH!
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Joke it up.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30What's the difference between a dog and painter?
0:01:30 > 0:01:33One coats its shed and the other sheds its coat.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Put the paintbrush in its little paws. It doesn't work!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Make it good.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42- Why are ghosts bad liars?- Why?
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Because you can see right through them!
0:01:45 > 0:01:48I have no words for how bad that joke was.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49La la la la la.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Hey! Listen to me! Oi!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Listen to me!
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Joke me up, hotshot.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I'm going to tell you a story about three holes in the ground.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02You haven't heard it? Well, well, well.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08Have you told the joke? Well? Well? Where is it?
0:02:12 > 0:02:13Next!
0:02:13 > 0:02:14A man saw a spooky house,
0:02:14 > 0:02:16so he went inside and he looked up
0:02:16 > 0:02:19the chimney and he saw a skeleton.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20And the skeleton had a medal on it,
0:02:20 > 0:02:23and it said "Hide and Seek Champion, 1922."
0:02:23 > 0:02:26He's a winner, and you're a winner.
0:02:26 > 0:02:27Yes!
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Win win!
0:02:30 > 0:02:32What do you call a spider with no legs?
0:02:32 > 0:02:33I don't know.
0:02:33 > 0:02:34A raisin.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Don't eat it, though.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39This is the best day of my life!
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Come to me, Class Two, for I need jokes.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56ALL: Ashcombe Primary! Awesome!
0:02:58 > 0:02:59Joke time!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Hello, little lady.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05What do you call a cheese that's not yours?
0:03:05 > 0:03:06Tell me.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Nacho cheese.
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Ai, ai, ai!
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Yay!
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Arriba, arriba!
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Hit me with it.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Doctor, doctor, I've got a sore throat.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32So, go over to the window and stick your tongue out.
0:03:32 > 0:03:33How will that help?
0:03:33 > 0:03:36It won't. I just don't like my neighbours.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Congratulations. Hilarious!
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Yay!
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Send in the next one.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Dad asked me if I like going to school.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48I said I like going to school and I like coming home from school.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50It's the bit in the middle I don't like!
0:03:50 > 0:03:53There's probably a lot of people who do. But not you!
0:03:53 > 0:03:54Whoo!
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Not me.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59I don't go to school. It'd be weird if I showed up.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01What invention allows people to walk through walls?
0:04:01 > 0:04:02What?
0:04:02 > 0:04:03Doors.
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Meh(!)
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Funnier than you.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Oh, come on. Give me a good one.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13What do you call a piglet rolled down a hill? Sausage roll.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15I heard that when I was five and it wasn't funny then
0:04:15 > 0:04:18and it's still not funny now, and I'm only seven.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20You loser!
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Who's the loser now?
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Not me.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27What do you call a stupid flea?
0:04:27 > 0:04:28What?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30A loony tick.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Well done, well done.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Yay!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36I wonder who won that one. Hmm?
0:04:37 > 0:04:38It was...
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Bingo!
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Ashcombe.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47You need to ask Santa for a new joke book this Christmas.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Some good jokes there, team. But not enough!
0:04:52 > 0:04:55So we're going to have to do this again.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Joke you later!