0:56:02 > 0:56:04- Across the UK...- Sightings have been reported of a mysterious
0:56:04 > 0:56:07- object in the sky. - What does it want from us?
0:56:07 > 0:56:09Thousands of children...
0:56:09 > 0:56:10Hoping they will be chosen...
0:56:10 > 0:56:12One man is on a mission
0:56:12 > 0:56:15to find the funniest jokes.
0:56:15 > 0:56:16He is...
0:56:18 > 0:56:20..the Joke Master.
0:56:20 > 0:56:22That's my name, don't wear it out!
0:56:22 > 0:56:25And this is the Joke Machine.
0:56:29 > 0:56:31Joke Machine, activate!
0:56:31 > 0:56:34Agh! Ah!
0:56:36 > 0:56:38Huh. Joke Machine, activate.
0:56:40 > 0:56:42Where are we going?
0:56:44 > 0:56:46CHEERING
0:56:50 > 0:56:52Cracking up time, jokesters!
0:56:54 > 0:56:55Come on, come on, come on!
0:56:55 > 0:56:58What do you call a shark's favourite TV soap?
0:56:58 > 0:56:59What?
0:56:59 > 0:57:01BeastEnders.
0:57:01 > 0:57:03That sounds better than the real thing!
0:57:03 > 0:57:04Yes!
0:57:04 > 0:57:06Go, go, go!
0:57:06 > 0:57:09I went the other day to buy some camouflage trousers,
0:57:09 > 0:57:10but I couldn't find them!
0:57:10 > 0:57:14BUZZ Not funny in the slightest.
0:57:14 > 0:57:17That is not right at all, mister.
0:57:18 > 0:57:20Ahhh!
0:57:20 > 0:57:23SCREECHING
0:57:23 > 0:57:25I saw an ad in a shop window.
0:57:25 > 0:57:27It was a TV for sale.
0:57:27 > 0:57:30It was 32 inches for £25.
0:57:30 > 0:57:32The only thing was, the volume was stuck on high.
0:57:32 > 0:57:34I thought...
0:57:34 > 0:57:35"Can't turn that down!"
0:57:35 > 0:57:37I'm going to lasso me some funny!
0:57:37 > 0:57:39Yes!
0:57:39 > 0:57:41Woo! Ha-ha! I've got you.
0:57:44 > 0:57:46What do you call James Bond in the bath?
0:57:46 > 0:57:47What?
0:57:47 > 0:57:48Bubble Oh Seven.
0:57:48 > 0:57:50BUZZ Phwoo!
0:57:50 > 0:57:52That was funny and you didn't catch it.
0:57:54 > 0:57:55Ahhh!
0:57:57 > 0:57:58Oh, come on! Give me a good one!
0:57:58 > 0:58:01Why did the ghost not go to the ball?
0:58:01 > 0:58:03Because he had no body to go with!
0:58:03 > 0:58:05BUZZ The funny was absent.
0:58:10 > 0:58:11Let's bring in the new lot.
0:58:17 > 0:58:19ALL: St John Fisher!
0:58:19 > 0:58:20Grrrr!
0:58:24 > 0:58:26We are go for jokes.
0:58:27 > 0:58:29Welcome to the Joke Machine!
0:58:29 > 0:58:31Do not disappoint me.
0:58:31 > 0:58:33What's black and white and read all over?
0:58:33 > 0:58:35A newspaper.
0:58:35 > 0:58:37Zoom-zoom, boom-boom, yeah!
0:58:37 > 0:58:38Woop, woop!
0:58:38 > 0:58:40Send in the next one!
0:58:40 > 0:58:43What do you get when you cross karate with painting?
0:58:43 > 0:58:44What?
0:58:44 > 0:58:45Martial Arts.
0:58:45 > 0:58:48BUZZ Well now I'm in a bad mood!
0:58:48 > 0:58:49Ahh!
0:58:50 > 0:58:51Next!
0:58:52 > 0:58:54What have you got for me?
0:58:54 > 0:58:57Well, in class, Billy was pulling faces
0:58:57 > 0:58:59and the teacher told him not to, so Billy asked why.
0:58:59 > 0:59:01The teacher said, "When I was your age,
0:59:01 > 0:59:04"I was told that if I kept pulling faces like that,
0:59:04 > 0:59:05"my face would stay that way."
0:59:05 > 0:59:06Then Billy replied,
0:59:06 > 0:59:08"I can see you didn't listen."
0:59:08 > 0:59:09BUZZ Disappointed in you.
0:59:09 > 0:59:11Well, you look just like my teacher then.
0:59:11 > 0:59:15Well, your teacher must be gorgeous.
0:59:15 > 0:59:17You haven't heard the...
0:59:17 > 0:59:20Well, I am sick of bad jokes. Make it good.
0:59:20 > 0:59:21Knock, knock.
0:59:21 > 0:59:22Who's there?
0:59:22 > 0:59:23A tack.
0:59:23 > 0:59:24A tack who?
0:59:24 > 0:59:25Attack you!
0:59:25 > 0:59:28BUZZ Whoa! Was that a joke or a threat?
0:59:28 > 0:59:31It could either be a threat, or a joke.
0:59:31 > 0:59:32You choose.
0:59:32 > 0:59:34Someone call the police!
0:59:34 > 0:59:36Argh!
0:59:36 > 0:59:38Ha-ha-ha!
0:59:38 > 0:59:40- I said, get away!- Ah!
0:59:41 > 0:59:43HE SIGHS
0:59:44 > 0:59:46Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill?
0:59:46 > 0:59:48To get to the bottom!
0:59:48 > 0:59:50A-ha-ha-ha! That was good.
0:59:50 > 0:59:52Thanks. I like you.
0:59:54 > 0:59:57What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?
0:59:58 > 0:59:59You can't tuna fish!
0:59:59 > 1:00:01BUZZ
1:00:01 > 1:00:02ALARM BLARES
1:00:02 > 1:00:04Did she say fish?
1:00:04 > 1:00:06Did you say fish?
1:00:06 > 1:00:07DID she say fish?
1:00:07 > 1:00:09You said fish!
1:00:09 > 1:00:10Well, you know what's funny?
1:00:10 > 1:00:12You're a joke yourself!
1:00:12 > 1:00:15I'm not a joke! Look at how I'm dressed.
1:00:15 > 1:00:17No! Ahhh!
1:00:17 > 1:00:19GROWLING
1:00:20 > 1:00:22The last one from your class. Make it count.
1:00:22 > 1:00:23What do you cut the sea with?
1:00:23 > 1:00:25What?
1:00:25 > 1:00:26A sea saw.
1:00:26 > 1:00:28Yes! That is a great joke!
1:00:28 > 1:00:31Aw, thank you very much!
1:00:31 > 1:00:32Hmm...
1:00:32 > 1:00:35who was the victor?
1:00:35 > 1:00:36It was... DRUM ROLL
1:00:36 > 1:00:38You!
1:00:38 > 1:00:41CHEERING St John Fisher!
1:00:43 > 1:00:45BOOING Well, you would have won,
1:00:45 > 1:00:48if this was the Boring Machine.
1:00:48 > 1:00:49Woo!
1:00:49 > 1:00:52We got some funny stuff in the bag,
1:00:52 > 1:00:54but I want more!
1:00:54 > 1:00:56So I'll see you again.
1:00:56 > 1:00:58Joke you later, jokey jokers!