0:00:02 > 0:00:02Across the UK...
0:00:02 > 0:00:05Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07What does it want from us?
0:00:07 > 0:00:11- Thousands of children... - Hoping they will be chosen...
0:00:11 > 0:00:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18He is...
0:00:18 > 0:00:20the Joke Master.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21That's me-ee!
0:00:21 > 0:00:24And this is The Joke Machine.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Joke Machine, activate!
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Where are we going?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45CHEERING
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Joke battle, begin!
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Come on, I want some jokes!
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Why did the girl stare at the orange juice for 20 minutes?
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Because it said concentrate.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02No LOL.
0:01:02 > 0:01:03You're so mean!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05You think that's mean! Check this out!
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- Hello.- What do you call a man that's lost his dog?
0:01:12 > 0:01:13What?
0:01:13 > 0:01:14Doug-less.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Fu-nny!
0:01:17 > 0:01:19CHEERING
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Hee-hee!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Why did the budgie go the hospital?
0:01:23 > 0:01:26- Why? - To get some tweet-ment.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29She shoots, she misses.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31You're terrible! You're the worst joke teller in the world!
0:01:31 > 0:01:34If you don't think that's funny then what's your best joke?
0:01:34 > 0:01:37What do you call a lady with two toilets on her head?
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Actually, I haven't got time for that.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43SHE SCREAMS
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Next!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47What did Scooby-Doo say to his wife when he got married?
0:01:47 > 0:01:48What?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50I dooooo!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52I dooooo not like that joke.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Don't care!
0:01:59 > 0:02:02No pressure, but I really need this to be funny.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Erm, OK, why was the ant dancing on top of the jam jar?
0:02:05 > 0:02:06I don't know, why?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Cos it said, "twist to open".
0:02:08 > 0:02:12Well, that's not funny, but thanks for playing.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Argh!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Oh, come on! Give me a good one!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18- How do dogs stop the TV? - How?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20With their pause.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Exactly what we needed!
0:02:21 > 0:02:24We were having a dry run but then along came the rain!
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Yay!
0:02:29 > 0:02:33Another class, another school and another bunch of jokers.
0:02:39 > 0:02:44- ALL:- HOLY FAMILY PRIMARY SCHOOL!
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Crackin' up time, jokesters!
0:02:51 > 0:02:52Come on, buddy, hit me with it.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56I saw a monster in my closet and I screamed.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58What do you think I said to it?
0:02:58 > 0:02:59I've no idea what you said to it.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02I didn't know my headmaster had a twin!
0:03:02 > 0:03:03BOO! Don't like it!
0:03:03 > 0:03:05- Do you want a real joke? - That's why we're here.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Go into the lavatory and look in the mirror.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Then you'll get a real joke.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- Are you funny? - Yeah.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- Who said? - Me mum.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Tell me a joke.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22Right, what do you get when you cross a frog with a giant?
0:03:22 > 0:03:23Frogzilla.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Now that is a movie I want to see!
0:03:25 > 0:03:29Thank you very much and good day!
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Good day to you too.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
0:03:35 > 0:03:36What?
0:03:36 > 0:03:37Spot.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Ha-ha-ha-ha, oh, yes!
0:03:41 > 0:03:42Thank you.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45I don't understand why she has to be blonde.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48What did the fish do when it swam to the dam?
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Dam-it!
0:03:50 > 0:03:53BUZZER
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Why can't these fish just drown?
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Well, my duck thinks it's funny, don't you?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Yes, it's funny!
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Well, your duck looks like it doesn't like you.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06DUCK QUACKS VICIOUSLY
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Better not be a bad one.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- Why was the nose so tired? - Why?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Cos it had been running all day.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14It's a classic!
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Oh, get in! Woo-hoo!
0:04:18 > 0:04:21What do you call two robbers?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23I've got no idea.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24A pair of "nickers".
0:04:24 > 0:04:26You got me!
0:04:29 > 0:04:32I wonder who won that one. Hmm?
0:04:32 > 0:04:33It was...
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Bingo!
0:04:35 > 0:04:39- ALL:- Yes! - Holy Family!
0:04:39 > 0:04:40- ALL:- Boo!
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Hey, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Some good jokes there.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48But not enough!
0:04:48 > 0:04:50So I'll have to see you later.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Joke you next time!