0:00:01 > 0:00:02Across the UK...
0:00:02 > 0:00:04Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:00:04 > 0:00:08What does it want from us? Thousands of children...
0:00:08 > 0:00:10..Hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. He is...
0:00:17 > 0:00:19The Joke Master.
0:00:19 > 0:00:20That's me!
0:00:20 > 0:00:22And this is The Joke Machine.
0:00:27 > 0:00:28Joke Machine activate.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Joke Machine activate?
0:00:38 > 0:00:39Where are we going?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Let's get cracking, jokers!
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Welcome to The Joke Machine. Now, get joking.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Why do potatoes make good spies?
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Why?
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Because they always keep their eyes peeled.
0:01:02 > 0:01:03Hot dog, that's funny!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Yah!
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Whoa, you all right?
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- Knock, knock.- Who's there?
0:01:09 > 0:01:10I done up.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13- I done up who?- Eww, you done a poo!
0:01:13 > 0:01:14What? No, I haven't!
0:01:14 > 0:01:16D'oh!
0:01:18 > 0:01:21How dare you pull me into your web of trickery!
0:01:21 > 0:01:25- Why did the spider go on the computer?- Why?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Because it wanted to search the web.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28That's a waste of my time.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32What a waste of your time? What a waste of my time, as well.
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Ah!
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Bring in the next one.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Ah, a double act. Are you funny?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Erm, very. 100%.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43And what about you?
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Erm, the same, but maybe.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47At least one of you has got the confidence. Joke, please!
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a bin.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Don't talk rubbish!
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Double trouble, double bubble, double funny.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Yes!
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Ha-ha!
0:02:00 > 0:02:02What do you call a deer with no eyes?
0:02:02 > 0:02:03I don't know, what?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05- No i-deer.- Not funny.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
0:02:09 > 0:02:10What are you doing to this deer?
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Still no i-deer.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Stop hurting this deer!
0:02:14 > 0:02:15Ah!
0:02:19 > 0:02:22What do you call a man with no underpants?
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Nicho-las.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Oh, just going to...
0:02:26 > 0:02:31No, even the gremlins in the machine are saying that's not funny.
0:02:31 > 0:02:32Ah!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37New class, new jokes.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Cracking up time, jokesters.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Think you can do better than those guys?
0:02:56 > 0:02:57Hit me!
0:02:57 > 0:03:00The child said to the optician, "I don't like my glasses."
0:03:00 > 0:03:03"But they're spectacular," said the optician.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05I think you've just told me a conversation
0:03:05 > 0:03:06you had with your optician.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Oh, no, you didn't!
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Oh, yes, I did!
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Ah!
0:03:13 > 0:03:15What do you call cheese that's not yours?
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Please, say it.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Nacho cheese.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Ay-yi-yi!
0:03:36 > 0:03:40You know what? I don't think I like this joke any more.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
0:03:47 > 0:03:48Tut-an-kham-en.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Oh, you're still here?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Aw, you don't have any sense of humour.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58Next.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00How can you get two whales in a car?
0:04:00 > 0:04:01I don't know.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Drive, silly!
0:04:03 > 0:04:07Somebody call the doctor, because my sides are splitting.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09Yay!
0:04:11 > 0:04:13"Waiter, this egg is bad."
0:04:13 > 0:04:16"Well, don't blame me, I only laid the table."
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Tell me more.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24I knew I was funny, I really did.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Well, it's all about believing in yourself.
0:04:28 > 0:04:29Hmm, who won that one?
0:04:30 > 0:04:31It was...
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Boom!
0:04:35 > 0:04:36St Edmund's!
0:04:36 > 0:04:37Yay!
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Boo!
0:04:40 > 0:04:41Try harder next time, Marlborough.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Whoo, we got some funny stuff.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Fun-ny stuff.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50But I need more!
0:04:50 > 0:04:52So I'll joke you later, jokesters.